i have a new dwarf

this would've been a wretchedly depressed post, but rachel ruined it. today was just as difficult as the last few - my thoughts and responses are ultra-slow and i've been moody*. on my way home, i got to pondering the fact that i'm constantly holding on to both my "perfect citizen" character and my "bad boy" character. i don't see any problem with my "bad boy" being a hero, but the "perfect citizen" schtick is irritating me. i was taught to think for myself and act on those thoughts, and i'm incapable of doing so until i lose the uniform.

analysis vs. experience: i'm not sure how much soul-making i've been doing, because in analysing everything i've been forgetting to let it all in. i don't really get emotional anymore - aside from frustration, and intermittent bursts of joy - and that's inexcusable. by me, at any rate :P

in order to make up for feeling bad about blowing off the musician i mentioned yesterday, i took what might be a step in the wrong direction and invited songbird out for a drink. i'm a little concerned that that might be unwise, but i'm going to do it anyway. we used to be good friends, and i hope we can be again.

* i feel like i've just fallen prey to a facebook quiz:
You show symptoms of sleep apnea, a potentially serious sleep disorder. People with sleep apnea quit breathing repeatedly, often hundreds of times during their nights sleep.

You show symptoms of insomnia, which is defined as a persistent inability to fall asleep or stay asleep.

You show symptoms of narcolepsy, a life-long disorder characterized by uncontrollable sleep attacks during normal waking hours.

i think i'll be fine with a holiday, particularly if i knew i was done with my current job :P

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sleeping on the shuttle with rain pounding down violently on roads with no drainage (and so providing a constant sensation of diving) was nice. i woke up an hour earlier, but got to sign in for an extra hour (i'll be abusing that soon), and i didn't need to hang around unprotected and wondering when my ride would show up.

also, the shuttle driver's ringtone is the original version of the hamster dance song.

i got called in this morning to be told that i've been misreporting hours. i was at a loss, because i feel that the whole concept of reporting hours is a pile of crud. i just explained that it was a misunderstanding (it was), and i now know what not to report under :P

speaking of our SC's greatness: he's managed to get nystire riled - i'm no longer the only one shaking his fist at the sky because of his mismanagement.

i jotted down the words "external confusion", and i don't remember why :/

i put up a sign a week or two ago, apparently quoting braithwaite (a re-quote from hillman, i can't verify it): "the price of the employment of models is eternal vigilance". i looked at it this morning, and for a moment confused models for the fashion kind... the quote still holds.

i spent the day designing and coding my secondary project, and although the work is sort of slow (i'm being extremely methodical), i've made a number of improvements that even surprised me. my favourite moment of the workday was solving the problem of a function with too many arguments - one can convey a whole lot of information very simply, if one picks the correct metaphor and works at the right level of abstraction :D

the little bit of work i did for my TL caused quite a ruckus, because i refuse to do a job half-heartedly. i had enough information to provide an answer to what was asked of me, but i couldn't ignore a path of enquiry that had been hinted at by someone in the chain. to his credit, he did eventually come around, and even picked up on something i'd missed :)

there's nothing worse than ejaculating a statement intended humorously, only to realize almost immediately its gross inappropriateness. we were coming around a wet corner and someone mentioned that only our bodies' weight was keeping us from floating off the road, and i wouldn't have made the comment if i hadn't been amused by the ridiculousness of claiming that idiot-girl's body had the only weight that counted, she's smaller than any of us and quite thin. once i said it, though, i realized that no girl can ignore a chirp like that, and i spent the rest of the ride feeling like a bully :(

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i braved the pouring rain in order to sell out my most faithful and supportive friend of the last three years: i have traded in my ipod. he will be sorely missed.

i have dubbed my new nano ukko, and i hope he'll accompany me with the same usefulness and entertainment as the dwarf to whom he is namesake did sláine. he's green, but not as ugly ;)

it's now past 22.30, and i've done precious little this evening. maybe that's not such a bad thing.

i read bunny all the time, but it's not every day that it does something for me

novel writing month? cute.

what the hell? poster-flies?! genius!

how do i do it? how do i go through so many years without ever having watched the rumble in the jungle: the fight?? at least i've seen it now, and enjoyed it - that was intense, and i'm no fan of boxing.