stretching the band until it snaps

i don't know where to begin, i'm not thinking straight and it's not from lack of anything. it's from my mind jiggling in all the wrong directions. i've been short of breath for days now (it could be from smoking too much), and my heart's been beating wildly - am i suffering sunstroke? [okay, that was bad] is the strain from the uncertainty of my army situation showing its ugly face?

last night i sat at cafeneto; theoretically with sunshine, but she was only able to sit for five minutes. i used the rest of the time to ponder my own troubles and exchange glances with her every couple of minutes. she told me to call her when i left; after i'd had a shower, i was wondering if that was about the time she'd meant...

having wussed out, i slept alright, and again woke up way later than i should have. this time i did go to the induction base, made two short and unhelpful stops, and then went in to submit my degree.

since thursday i've been preparing for a fight over the validity of my papers, and when i finally walked into their office i pulled up a chair and mentally put on my gloves. the girl sitting there took the papers, briefly went through them, and then told me to check with them in 8 days.

what? no arguments? i was almost disappointed!

i went back to my base, had my head shaved (MUCH better), then lunch (i had to scare a course girl into giving us food), and then spent some time hanging around and being useful. mostly shaving a new beret (not mine): i only sliced two fingers :P

i called sunshine today; it took a while for me to figure out what i wanted to say before i had the courage to dial. i hate telephones, and i always feel pressured when i don't want to say the wrong thing: so i invariably say the wrong bloody thing.
this conversation didn't fare better than the norm, and i have to say that if i'd been on the receiving end of the line i'd have considered myself quite the ponce. one day i'm going to learn to simply not make that call.

-- promotional enthusiasm, and stabbing my thumb with a relatively large, pointy object --

i picked the most uncomfortable bus possible to work. i've mentioned that i hate public transport - i put my hand on one of the ceiling rails to steady myself and it was kinda sticky :S [i'm a bit OC, i couldn't touch anything with my right hand until i'd gone to the restroom at work to wash my hands surgeon-style]

nql and i had a long meeting with the vice president (our manager, i only noticed his official title this evening). i'm actually quite glad that i completed a degree in business administration: i'm able to translate between management and developers. they both speak completely different languages, and under normal circumstances nobody can figure out why things get screwed up when everybody thinks they had a clear understanding.

anyway, the bottom line is that we're under a LOT of pressure, we're inconceivably [thanks, moonflake] short-staffed, and we're not actually sure of our providers. this is going to be an interesting two weeks, and that's just work-related :'(

i dived into my work; spot came in to clear his desk, and the three of us sat on some stupid bugs in my first real php work ever. once those were cleared, we discovered that my translation (modularization, more like) worked great first time ^_^/2 [i can't get completely excited over web development]

after spot and nql left, i spoke to my mom for fifteen minutes, and then nystire arrived. way too much for me when i'm in the middle of a large and highly-deadlined project.

we had a long chat about what is and will or will not be, i ate sushi (although i was feeling sick from the stress, so i didn't thoroughly enjoy it) and then i had to get back to work.

i worked the rest of the evening, and i made some good progress. i was out for a smoke-break when i felt this sudden rush of the past catching up with me - all manner of tricks and techniques for web development surfaced after years of being consciously ignored.

i made the bus, and the kid and spot joined me at cafeneto for an hour of catching up and sorting out. now it's way past my bedtime :(