t'is a lonely friday night

and it's lonely because i don't particularly feel like doing anything, or seeing anyone. i'm tired, i'm pensive, i'm lazy... but most of all, i'm actually pretty relaxed.

---
thursday morning was beautiful, pouring but with peeking rays of sunlight and softly framed pictures all around. i watched the bus i needed drive past, but still made it in time to be rained on by the usual ride's tardiness. when he pulled up, it took some convincing hand-signals to get him to move closer to the curb... if there's no drainage, well, it would be nice if i didn't have to jump a metre to get into the car.

the ride was fairly pleasant, which i attribute to the fact that we're all in "saying goodbye" mode.

i had very little to do in the morning, and even less when our great SC decided to ban guitar playing in the office. @#$%!

after lunch, i finished a presentation with nystire (he managed to cause powerpoint to crash repeatedly) and was done for the day. umm. for good, it seems, as i was told i could go home until further notice.

yep, that's a pretty good sign.

i managed to catch the early shuttle to the train station, which meant no awkward pre-farewell goodbyes with the rest of the unit [as it was, the people i did see before i went began to get emotional] but at the cost of having to ride with some unruly moron shouting and beating his chest trying to impress anyone who would listen. i judged it not worth the energy to get him to pipe down, but only because i knew that with his segment of the population it's very difficult for me to communicate with effectively.

the train ride would have been fine if not for the most appallingly timed telephone survey - apparently the army does that, requesting that random soldiers answer questions about the services it provides. i think it's great that the obviously new russian immigrant [the accent gives her away] who speaks at no less than lightning speed calls strangers to discuss "behaviour". i initially thought she meant mine, which put my back up immediately.

at least i didn't *have* to participate.

after changing out of my uniform, i had lunch at coffeeholic and paid the bank a visit, then stopped by the hardware dude for a chat before picking up my taekwondo gear and hopping the bus to ra'anana.

i'm going to only briefly mention the two kids i made cry:

1. i was asked to make the first one move during a fight. every time he kicked, i jumped back. demonstrating a wonderful inability to learn, he repeated the exact same mistake [not moving] for two full minutes before bursting into tears. i'm guessing it was the frustration.

2. i was asked to stretch the really annoying girl with the big mouth. she seemed to be doing fine, but when i pushed her legs back the second time she panicked, jumped and started crying all at once.
erm - didn't she notice that the rest of us were making squealing sounds and whining? it's a painful thing to do. yes: that means that one will probably experience pain. there's something about her surprise that worries me.

on an entirely unrelated note (okay, not entirely): our instructor has demonstrated to my complete satisfaction that since i've been away she has compromised everything that made her great in order to pander to the mediocre. i do believe that that's the last time i'm going to train with her.
i haven't a clue what i'm going to do to replace taekwondo. i left practice unhappy and with a damaged ankle.

i met scrapper's father and sister, and his family is really nice. they've invited me over for saturday lunch, but i must admit to being a bit awkward about going there. the mongoose and i were supposed to meet a friend of ours, but the two of them cancelled fairly last minute.

one of ze germans contacted me to let me know he'd be happy to recommend me to google. i sent him my cv, but i'm looking for part-time work so i don't really expect there to be a fit.

...

i slept alright last night - my nose is better even if my chest is still full of irritating bits. i was almost late for the social activism meeting at my old university. i grabbed a quick cup of coffee, and spent the bus ride talking to my kibbutz cousin. at the central station in herzeliya i ran into the medic who was with the birthright group i joined, and we discussed the rationale behind purchasing housing as opposed to renting.

while waiting for the meeting to begin, i had no luck getting my visa details from their information line and urchin had no luck with getting in touch with me:
the last communication i received from her was wednesday night, which prompted me to call her up to share my bewilderment and attempt to impress upon her how unappreciated it was:
So i got a question for u: a
friend of urs sends you a
message about a
presentation for her end
of semester. What do u
do?
A - you send her a
message on the same day
of luck because u couldnt
care less.
B - shit! U only
remembered now but well
sure she ll be fine dont
need to do anything.
C- shit u forgot and u send
her a message saying ur
sorry and promising her a
back massage next time u
guys meet because u
know her back is killing
her?

well, it's certainly not going to be C. when i told her i wasn't happy with what she wrote, her response was "it was a joke!". ha ha, no.

alright, back to the meeting: it wasn't quite what i expected. we had a lecture about the prophets, and what their ethics and values were about, and then another lecture on the primary issues at hand in israeli society. some of the debate afterwards was meaningful, some less, and i'm really glad that someone else made the point i wanted to - i would've stuttered and stammered and possibly forgotten what i was going to say :P

from there i skipped off to my mum's bank to deliver something on her behalf, then bussed back to tel aviv where the mongoose picked me up for lunch. i haven't seen his family in ages and today was the perfect day. lunch was great, and it was an afternoon well spent doing not much :)

he dropped me off at home around 9pm, and i got straight into watching battlestar galactica - razor (i didn't realize it was between seasons, but doing a flashback episode doesn't really matter). i've done a round of laundry, eaten badly, and i'm about to shower and go to bed.

---
i'm well impressed with youtube's music discovery project and playlist creation tool, and specifically with the first video it pulled up for me.

sitting can kill you

this man is an asshole.

in other news: i'm very proud to read a slightly cynical look at israelis in haiti.

wrestless

wow - i just watched the wrestler: hardcore.

it's early, but i think i'm going to bed already. i'm completely exhausted, and i think it's more emotional than anything else.

return pay

the end with the evening ride pissing me off, but until then it was all good. he aggravated me because he talks shit, and the specific shit he was talking was particularly stupid and pointed in a rather irritating direction, and he wouldn't let go. he told me i should request that the army docks my pay because they're not letting me get much actual work done.

---
after spending yesterday evening doing serious nothing, i strapped on blades and joined the group just as it began to drizzle. the drizzle let up just in time for us to decide to move anyway ^_^
the group was great, the route was chilled and i felt like i got good, healthy exercise. i even got in a second round in the underground parking lot, and stopped with the rest for a beer at some crazy bar before coming home.

i wasn't at all tired after showering, so i finally uploaded photos from the holiday while watching the beginning of mega shark vs giant octopus, which as just as silly as i anticipated and i've now stopped watching in the hope that someone will join me in the jeering and cheering :)

after 2.5 hours of sleep, i shaved and brushed my teeth, crawled into uniform and staggered to the bus. it was cold.
nystire and i met outside the office, and went for breakfast. breakfast was standard and we seem to have made a very bad impression on a bright and cheerful new academic officer girl.

aside from an hour or so of knowledge transfer, i spent the day reading, discovering that insanely cool gear is affordable, napping and playing with the guitar in the office. a few of us went out for hummus, which was a pleasant change of scenery.

...

i'm decidedly indecisive this evening. i took my hoodie to be dry-cleaned but the laundromat was closed, and now i'm just feeling iffy. i mean, everything's great and i'm confused :P

a touch of strange

today was really frikkin' weird, and it was a tuesday.

i mentioned not feeling well yesterday - i felt good today, only my chest is all gurgly and i'm spending a lot of time coughing or sniffing. it feels ugly.

i arrived at the office without a hitch, only i wasn't authorized to let myself in so i sat in the corridor reading the iliad until the new guy came in - he didn't have a key, and so inherited mine with the full "you're not allowed to make copies" speech. a few minutes later nystire walked in, and escorted me to my desk. we performed the first stage of what are essentially "last rites" for my pc, then took a walk for breakfast.

well, he took a walk for breakfast, i didn't have much choice but to tag along :P

i spent the morning packing up my personal belongings and shredding soon-to-be-useless documents, briefly interrupted by a meeting with the unit commander. the discussion was unpleasant yet amiable, and he explained that it's going to take a day or two to figure out what to do with me. i'm praying to be released from service entirely and not merely from the unit.

i was called in by my SC and TL for a peer review, and although it wasn't glowing it wasn't bad either.

i'm amazed at the kinds of things i'd forgotten about that i had stored in my desk drawers. lunch was edible - fortunately i'd spent the morning stuffing myself with leftovers from the chocolates and sweets i brought on sunday so i wasn't that hungry :P

the afternoon was spent discussing my predicament (okay, so that filled a lot of the morning too), running knowledge transfers (sometimes not entirely productively), and generally having a good laugh at the strangeness of my situation.

[my mum interviewed for a new job today, and i'm praying that it went at least as well as she thinks it did]

the not-so-usual evening ride took me home, with half my stuff in hand and idiot girl complaining that if i leave she's going to be bored - i've been away for two weeks and she had nobody to fight with.

i got home and dove straight into doing absolutely nothing. that nothing included a bit of random internet time, catching up with the big bang theory, and beginning an episode of battlestar galactica. i finished watching it after the handyman rocked up and installed the perspex replacement for the bathroom door and delivered a perspex cover for my "display" cabinet - soon i'll be able to open my bobblehead judge death and invader zim home base ^_^

i've caught up on penny arcade - and i'm contemplating having a go with king's bounty, which looks spanky.
episode 4 is pretty cool.

it suddenly struck me

that yesterday really was the first day of the rest of my life, regardless of how things pan out.

pantsed

[see pantsed]

the afternoon progressed quietly: the guy came to check out the broken window (at a call-out cost of NIS 100, i won't be inviting him again after he finishes the work) and then urchin popped round for beer, photography and chatting.

my mum called me, we talked a bit, and then i rushed off to meet with scrapper and go south to hear התחתונים (hatachtonim, "underwear") who are absolutely brilliant. i love progressive metal, and they mix it up with art rock beautifully and with great energy.

the band after them (bundy) would've sounded excellent if their singer had stepped off the stage.

---
aside from having more time to contemplate this morning's news, and receiving two phone calls from soon-to-be-ex section-mates with condolences, my SC called me up to inform me that i may have difficulty clearing my desk in the morning. i'm sure he's wrong, or that if i do have a problem it'll be because of him.

so now for an early night, because tomorrow's going to be interesting whichever way things go.

---
almost forgot! i was voting for the eatliz - hey video, and discovered another great one - janus - eyesore

excommunicated

and exhausted too, i think i may be coming down with something.

here goes:

the story with the polygraph has indeed come to an end, and today the ramifications were explained to me. slowly, because the flowery language and officious appeal advice combined with my shock that this is really happening made it hard to let anything sink in.

at least the man in the suit wasn't lying about one of the things i was terrified of, and i'm almost considering trying to thank him.

the first time i walked out i was surprised and relieved, believing that i could essentially continue in my current job without too many inconveniences. then i got a call asking me to return, to be informed that i most certainly can't. i was told i'd be given time to inform my commanders in person, but that was by someone who didn't realize that it'd take me more than a half an hour to get back to base.

getting called by them to discuss things was a little awkward.

i got caught in a downpour as i returned for the third time to have lunch with my SC who'd just arrived, who (i'm guessing in an attempt to get information out of me) told me that he'd already found out everything. that's completely inappropriate, grounds for a solid case for invading my privacy, and really upset me. he pulled a quick (and totally trustworthy) "no, i didn't" when i told him i'm going to file charges.

thunder and lighting have been punctuating my thoughts since i walked off the base. i zombied my way home and crashed for almost an hour, and now i'm not sure why i forced myself to get up.

---
the fluff:

i slept later than i'd planned, had breakfast, and almost missed the bus because a shirt button ripped off just as i was leaving. i sewed it pretty quickly, made it on time, and didn't have too much difficulty finding the place.

the first person who stood up to greet me didn't introduce himself, so i awkwardly and uncertainly asked if he was the man i was supposed to meet. we both said "no" in unison as my eyes rested on his name tag. irritated by his strange manners, i went to the kitchen where he'd sent me to wait, only to discover that there were no cups for the drinking water. i stood staring at the remarkable view until the cleaner arrived to wash the floors, and was forced progressively up the corridor until i had no choice but to stand my ground or leave the premises. so i saved a dirty spot, which seemed to upset the cleaner.

they certainly kept me waiting long enough. just before i was finally called in, i witnessed a tall, odd-looking young man arrive at the security door. he rattled the knob, gave the door a push, but to no avail. he tried to swipe his security card, but he wasn't cleared for the area. he stood sullenly staring at the glass until he registered the intercom. he picked it up to his ear, trying to talk to whoever wasn't on the line: it's an intercom that one has to dial. i entered before getting to see if he managed to figure it out or not.

...

i gave my mother the not-so-awful news, stopped at home to drop something off and then returned circuitously to meet my SC. we met over lunch, and i was sickened to discover that the mess on our other base serves food with the quality, cleanliness and variety of a decent israeli hotel, whereas on our base one would be hard-pressed to define what we get as food in the first place. i'm fairly certain that's not right, and just as certain that if anyone complains they'll drop their standards to match ours.

i think i may have eaten too much, just on principle.

i've been home for a while, i've called someone to quote me on fixing the small window, and i think i'm going to just chill for the rest of the afternoon.

unnerved hands

hmm. i thought i'd finish the little that was left of the rum while watching an episode of battlestar galactica, but after a day like today (or a week like the one past) i guess that i'm a tad more sensitive than i thought - the last few drops had to go back into the cupboard :P

the shuttle almost drove straight past me, a new driver began while i was away. horrible taste in music. i tried to nap while drowning out the driver with ukko, but merely succeeded in being tired with my eyes closed.

i didn't get any work done today on account of my inbox being filled with things that take time to figure out...
our pointy-haired boss shouldn't have said that the remainder of my service is short enough that it'll fly by: i took the opportunity to remind him that if he hadn't pulled the wool over my eyes, it'd be over even sooner. he walked away unhappy.

i laid out all (okay, most :P) of the chocolates and toffees i'd brought back from south africa, and was pleased that it was all appreciated for once. i seem to have brought just the right amount, too - there was quite a bit left over, but for at least half an hour the office was filled with happily munching and hmming and aaahhhing people :)

---for months i've been praying to hear something concrete regarding my men-in-suits experience. i was called up for a meeting tomorrow, and although i have absolutely no clue in what direction heading i'm pretty confident that they've finally given up with the painful part of the procedure - the lie detector examiners' lies were wearing me down.

i've been nervous and excited since. i've been fantasizing about things actually happening and my cloud of dark unknowns dissipating.

---nystire and i wouldn't have taken as long as we did to shop, but the till systems went down. lunch wasn't actually bad.

i had my haircut today - a really crappy one as usual. i'm counting down until the freedom to grow my israfro, and so i'm not too bothered by it. to improve my mood, on returning from washing my scalp (removing most of the shavings) i discovered that i've been assigned a task that i'm going to enjoy! that never happens :P

the last part of the day involved a yawning-long lecture and some unit-wide bragging. i managed to escape a few minutes early, and caught the shuttle home. well, most of the way home, the guys in charge are going to have to deal with me unhappy again (they had a whole two weeks to prepare, so i don't feel sorry for them). i slept like a baby the whole way.

i made the bus to taekwondo, thinking to myself how silly it was to be going to training after two weeks of sleepless sweet-tooth pandering and a couple of hard flights. i did manage to get through some more of the iliad, and i'm shocked to discover that i'm really enjoying it! robert fitzgerald translated it absolutely brilliantly.

i'm most impressed with myself for handling the training - i didn't cope so well with the warm-up (which removed the rest of the shavings and deposited them on my dobok [uniform]) and the slow-motion sparring almost killed me (although i did alright), but the rest was just fine.

accompanied by thunder and pouring rain, i did successful one-steps with the new guy and got silly during our "big-boys" form, and the spaghetti bolognaise and good conversation at scrapper's afterwards went down well. i had a quick chat with egg, and the bus ride with the new guy was nice, and one of my cute neighbours' dog took a shine to me and i'm wondering if she'll follow suit ;)

i've done popcorn, television and rum, and now it's time to hang out laundry and get some rest before the big meeting that's allowing me to wake up late (7am!) and stress unreasonably :P

i still can't believe i'm back in israel already.

an oddity

getting back from the airport was unpleasant.

1) instant push-and-shove mode from the moment the airplane stopped moving. fortunately, the officer at passport control got just as annoyed with the idiot who jumped in front of me as i did and made him go back.

2) it's the personal space thing. in line is one thing, but in the wide open space of the baggage claim there's no justification for it. the ass behind me was stepping on my heels and caused me to bump into someone else while trying to get away.

3) not letting people out first. especially for the train, especially when some poor girl with a giant bag wants to go. the morons all stand around the doors, not leaving enough space to pass and not understanding why everyone's standing and eyeing them meaningfully.

4) prices. every year, around the same time, the bus prices go up by the equivalent of 20-30c (אֲגוֹרָוֹת - agorot). why?

5) my housesitters had an incident with the small window in the door of my bathroom. they left cash and an explanation, but i misread the word for "incident" as "roof", and frantically searched for the ceiling damage that wasn't there...

anyway, i've showered and sat online and made my bed and unpacked a bunch of things and planned most of the next week. i still have six hours to sleep. gonna do it. [fortunately for me, the only person who was interested in going out for a drink didn't have my number]

hmmm. both j-girl and egg have been in touch. is this a new year's resolution thing?

from penny arcade:
winner no. 1 of the dickerdoodle contest deserves it.
patv's episode list is growing... a lot faster than i can watch 'em. and i'm acquiring rome on dystopia's recommendation. if i get through that i'll feel bad about not having touched my copy of joann fletcher - cleopatra the great, the woman behind the legend.

freebord is unbelievably cool - i gotta get myself one! and then go hunting downhills. maybe it's a good enough excuse to visit haifa or jerusalem :P

this college humor clip is on the button: mortal combat is not a tournament!

overlay

[as i masochistically writing this on my phone while the wait for the last leg of my return comes to an end, i have no internet access and so may repeat sentiments]

primary thought for the last couple of days: when i return to cape town, it's not a holiday, it's keeping things warm. i may have based myself in israel and it may be home, but the mother city will never stop being home as well and my relationships there are at least as important to me as they are in the holy land.

i awoke late, with barely enough time to drink coffee and pack before leaving the apartment. of course ukko would give me a nasty pre-flight turn: after ripping a couple of cd's and loading them on, my ipod reported a total of 0 songs - fortunately, reconnecting and disconnecting sorted that out, but not without adding extra stress to a morning that began with the abandoning cape town blues...

we stopped at the police station to get something stamped, and went straight from there to the airport to pick up ozdoc's mum. we had lunch at the spur - a major improvement over the mugg and bean - and said our goodbyes. i made sure to remind my mother that the light at the end of the tunnel is usually an oncoming train, and i'm praying that she'll find the right excuse (this is me being unnecessarily cryptic) to visit me before autumn comes around.

i was once again robbed of my deodorant at security, and reminded that my passport's almost expired... at least i remembered before leaving to pick up biltong! expensive as it is at the duty free :(

once seated, i had plenty of time to dwell on the now-traditional sense of loss that accompanies leaving behind such a wondrous place filled with magnificently strong and naive people to return to being a stranger in my own land.

i took some increasingly arbitrary photos out the window, pondered the possibility of my becoming an alcoholic*, enjoyed the empty seat next to mine and didn't let the screaming baby get to me.

* i've decided it's not going to happen, and those thoughts led me down a very interesting path that i'll post about later

during boarding in johannesburg the seat next to mine was filled... soon after that, an extra-large woman in the row behind began whining that she couldn't handle the window seat. unable to find her neighbour's sympathetic ear, she sought mine - to no avail. there's not a chance in hell of my volunteering to be locked in and squished!
i guess she got sorted out eventually, because she disappeared - along with *my* neighbour, which was a wonderful surprise!

during both flights, my cracked heel caused me quite a bit of grief - luckily i found places to grind it against and the pain has subsided.

i was worried that my dairy-free meal hadn't been registered. when the steward arrived and asked if i'd ordered a special meal, i gratefully answered in the affirmative, only to discover that it was my ex-neighbour's seafood. i disappointedly requested the chicken (with cheese, as was the case with all the side-dishes), but was rescued from my picky fate by a stewardess prior to removing the tinfoil with my demands met in a most satisfactory manner :)

[here i recall an irritating incident from the night before when an israeli tourist began flirting with springer while we were talking]

the night was rough - i kept switching books, and two seats contain just enough wrong angles to keep me uncomfortable. at least the infant slept.

i finally got a decent half-hour's rest just prior to landing - i passed out while doubled over stretching my legs. they were still fast asleep when i woke up :P

i'd forgotten it was winter! a quick change and hurriedly finding my beanie and gloves, and i was good to go. after transit's security check (and standing in line with lots of people who don't identify with my need for personal space) i had no energy to consider the possibility of visiting turkey for the day. i'm not overly fond of the people, and definitely didn't want to take any chances.

none of the lounges admit travellers for money, and even if the hotel hadn't been fully booked the rates are stupidly expensive. i began the day exhausted, neither hungry nor interested in anything, and i found a bench that served me well for most of my wait. i slept a little, read a lot, heard great music (i'm not familiar with all the trance on my ipod, in particular i was blown away by a couple of tracks from reefer decree), had a not-bad lunch (chicken and mushroom), struggled with turkish lira, rested some more, and then it was time to board.

i've never seen a pre-boarding security check before, and the woman working the line laughed as i emptied my pockets (i have a lot of them, all filled). i've also never seen so many suspicious looking characters on one flight before.

[window seat, small plane]

the last leg was okay, the food alright, the turkish music annoying, and i'm back.

back to grinding

i did *not* see that coming: from a weird "oh-damn-they're-stupidly-drunk-again" to a very serious conversation, to general silliness (and yes, i may not drink wine but i still can't stand the cheap shit) and then on to a hardcore night of drum 'n bass at fiction.

gorgeous girls, grinding tunes, flowing alcohol and i didn't want to get off the dancefloor.

*deep sigh*

smooth bumps

she *did* get the mnet sorted out: colour me impressed!

we went for lunch, did some shopping, and then i drove through to meet airplane in town for some pool, booze and bartender ogling. we had (as usual) a very cool time, played like crap, and witnessed cape town weather at its finest :)

i drove back as if in a dream - just a general sense of rightness that always crops up just before i leave - but bumped my head getting out of the car which pretty much ruined the effect :P

dinner was nice, and would have been more interesting if i'd been talking about stuff other than myself (but that is what everyone wanted to discuss)... although it did end with an argument with my sister over her communication with her son, which was quite jarring.

it's tough to discuss communication when it's bi-directional and non-intuitive :(

apparently i'm going out with springer and mmm one last time, and then it'll be time for all the last-minute packing and sorting.

aggressive cure

the night at roots - easy driving there, easy parking - was spent on an aggressively meditative aerobic workout with tgtbt on a fairly vacant dancefloor. i'd passed out after posting, and waking up with coffee, then jumping up and down with rum and soda water (that was all that they had left) turned out to be a pretty good way to deal with the uncomfortable belly-ache that had been developing from the evening.

the music was decent when i arrived, and turned solid towards the end of the evening (for us, we both left around 3am). i discovered on the way there that the second disc from goa trance 3 - from fullmoon to sunrise is also incredibly powerful and have been enjoying it immensely.

...

i slept comfortably, having discovered a sleeping configuration that works - the last couple of days have seen me either overheating or freezing - and after a quick and expensive shopping run (primarily for sweets and chocolates) i took the car in for a wash.

i find it hard to trust a stranger with both keys and car :P

i took the opportunity to hit the cafda bookstore - leaving with the works of geoffrey chaucer (robinson) and two shakespeare's - a midsummer night's dream and the merchant of venice: i have the complete works at home, but they're not annotated and i don't naturally speak olde english.

i read and giggled some more catch 22 over coffee and croissant, picked up the car and returned, thinking i'd nap a bit. instead, my mother called me upset (which upset me - i hate her boss) to plan lunch, and i tried and failed to sort out a problem with mnet reception.

i called the helpline, and explained that the problem with the signal is an intermittent one. the woman began reading out the retuning procedure, which i refused at first to begin because the problem is intermittent. once we'd managed to completely untune the decoder with no hope of restoring the working settings (and learning how sucky the delta 9000's interface is), i thanked her for pissing me off and put down the phone.

now my mum's trying, i hope she has better luck than i did. in a minute, we're off for lunch and i'm going to have to buy airtime to cover all the sms conversations that others have felt compelled to force me into - a simple phone call is cheaper and requires less work. he hinted.

superheated

i'm off to stomp a little - tgtbt just informed me that roots is going nuts ^_^

the power in sea point went out this morning when i tried to get the car washed, which i take as a sign that i should hand it over disgustingly dirty. i'll make another attempt when i get up again :P

aside from a walk in the ridiculous heat to find contact information for the taekwondo group here, a great lamb sandwich with my mother and sister for lunch, drinks with hyperviper* and sagirl and an excellent dinner with two of my aunts and uncle puberty (tonight was the first time i've ever had an answer for everything he had to throw at me :) ), i've spent the day sleeping.

* springer saw me while i was waiting, and has had a complication with him recently which caused their walking past one another afterwards to be quite awkward.

a and c and b b

[post delayed from 3.50am and then retyped due to a floating wireless signal]

just back and showered from post-shakespearean drinks with dystopia - a very comfortable evening at a touch of madness and then... somewhere else. anthony and cleopatra was quite a sober production, but its set design and use was wonderful. *AND* the weather went from supremely shitty with a good chance of rain to clear and calm within the first fifteen minutes of the show ^_^

the only issue i had with the cast was octavian's speaking voice, which was staggered in a manner that rendered him difficult to understand without prior familiarity with the play. that said, either he improved or i got used to it by the fourth act.

---the drive to and from betty's bay is great - the only thing i was missing was a navigator with a serious camera to capture the amazing views in both directions. the place itself is a perfect retreat, and it's a pity that i couldn't spend more time there.

highlights included drawing pictures in the sand, a fantastic sunset, pre-sleep hysterics over a bad joke about using a vibrator as a toothbrush, sleeping like a log, my introduction to epic munchkin and becoming familiar with what is truly the universe's most comfortable couch - yogi's simply doesn't measure up.

i arrived back in town just in time to get dressed, mill around the cape quarter with my mum, pick up good chinese in rondebosch (although without chopsticks, and only one fork and spoon - after i double-checked verbally, too) and eat it at maynardville.

i'm exhausted, and it's my second-last day - nuts.

licensed

yesterday got off to a great start with hyperviper, some of his family, oysters, chicken wings and a lot of booze. so much so that i actually needed a while to sober up after we went our separate ways (and boy, was i unhappy to discover that there's no decadent donuts at the waterfront anymore) - i ran into someone i used to be friendly with once upon a time and we shot shit until i was good to go.

i was totally pleased to discover that tgtbt also wants to go see anthony and cleopatra at maynardville - now organizing mission :)

i passed out on the couch when i got back, and woke up groggily to pick up my cousins' cousin from top road (my niece's tazz barely handled the hill) and drive to dinner. post-dinner, the plan was to go and see sherlock holmes, but that wasn't showing so in a glorious revisitation of my pre-party years i watched a random movie (a perfect getaway) with a bunch of teenagers at the nu metro in the waterfront.

cute movie, but what a random way to spend a sunday evening! amusing moment: freaking out the woman making the coffee at love, revenge and cappucino, my little cousin has intentional awkwardness down to an art form.

i fell asleep reading catch 22 - i've never had a copy in hand before :$

---
i woke up, drank coffee, headed off to the traffic department with book in hand - got through about three chapters waiting in lines, discovered that my eyesight's slightly better than 20/30, annoyed the fingerprint dude by pressing down (oops), and worried pink shirt wearers with mine. i now feel silly for spending R40 on a temporary license that i'm only going to carry for two days.

now to get going - heading for betty's bay!

long-term breathless

i forgot to mention: coming up clifton's steps yesterday left me breathless. this morning, climbing another set of stairs had the same effect. i've been having difficulty breathing for a while now, and i think it's time to get that checked out.

in other news, jgirl got in touch with me last night. fascinating...

i just woke up from some very crazy dreams. the result of which is checking out autism.

---
oh, right. i heard jacob zuma speak yesterday (on the telly) for the first time. it hadn't sunk in that he's the president. when i mentioned that to someone else, he told me that it hadn't sunk in with him either :P

so reality

the 80's party was actually pretty cool. the club itself was cool, the bouncer was cool, the music was cool, running into an old friend was cool, the girls were cool... waiting in line wasn't so cool (especially arguing with mmm over crap), feeling smothered by mmm on the dancefloor wasn't cool, having springer freaking out about whatever did or didn't happen with hyperviper a month ago and yesterday wasn't cool, and springer's friend pulling an american reality show special in the bathrooms and us picking up the pieces was definitely not cool.

springer's friend ain't such a friend. sexy, yes, but pure trash.

so we got out of there, and drove to mmm's mom's place. springer's kid was having trouble sleeping, and mmm began having the talk with me. at one point we had to take a break to put springer and her son to sleep, then we took a walk and talk to the petrol station before sitting on the steps to the house and chatting for an hour.

i like her, but in addition to her not being my type i carry too much baggage for her (or myself) to handle. i'm wondering when i'll meet someone who'll be able to help me put mine down. maybe it would help if i wasn't such a snob?

a bright red future

i sat on the beach with my sister for half an hour, managing in that short span of time to get pretty sunburned :(
parking was a bitch, but i did finally put the faceplate in the car so i at least had aural accompaniment :)

from the beach, i hopped off to savruga's at the waterfront to meet with gco and a bunch of his friends. it was awkward at first, but i warmed to them and we had a good time. the saturday "half-price till five" is unusually welcoming; i ate a lot of sushi, had a fantastic dessert and drank quite a bit without breaking more than R200. impressive!

i came back to watch most of the first part of the 60's with my mum - the end of the disc is screwed and i suspect it's the rip i did and not the disc itself. swak, we were really enjoying it.

after a long conversation with my mum over dinner, i heard from mmm and am off to pick her up from what is apparently a rather crappy 80's party...

on the couch

i was too tired to get off it this morning - i called my little cousin who'd expressed interest in joining me for protoculture, but he bailed and then made me feel bad for making him feel bad for bailing, when i was essentially using him as an excuse to force myself to go and have some fun.

*sigh*

i eventually had a shower and crashed after a few lines of the iliad (i think it's the first time i've opened it since i've been back), and woke up around 8am. not satisfied with a night filled with dark dreams, i forced myself to lie in for another two hours...

i've just discovered that not only did i miss the trance party last night, but balkanology was last night as well, and not tonight as we'd thought. bummer!

---
i'm worrying myself with unpleasant thoughts derived from the moment, a combination of being called "old" at new year's, my buddies all going corporate during the last couple of years, my mother referring to me as her "perpetual teenager" yesterday afternoon, and the fact that no-one seemed interested in last night's party...

am i pushing the limits on going out and having fun? i hardly think so. as i've said a million times before - i'm planning on being the aged dude still hopping around all wrinkly and with long grey hair. it's just that right now, it's all gone a bit bleak. much like in israel. not cool.

all quarter

aeroplane and his girlfriend picked me up, and we went to the cape quarter. there's nothing like visiting gallery after gallery with an artist, especially when the work on display is absolute magic!

there's a sort of rent-a-studio, a place where one can go and play and have access to all the equipment and paints one could want. they even have a corner where one can jackson pollock freely :D

i thoroughly enjoyed lunch with them, and got home to a nap and then unbeatable banzuke before going out for dinner. dinner with shadowslight's folks was nice, although i'm horribly jealous of his dad's book collection and the clown dolls in the bathroom disturbed me - i could totally see them coming to life and attacking.

i was surprised to rediscover that relatively few people know of easy star all stars, and glad to hear good personal reviews of asylum movies. it would appear that i have stuff to see :)

is it time for a party? i'm bushed, but i do want to bounce and protoculture are playing...

a man obsessed

we didn't surf, so i slept in. now waiting for aeroplane, having watched a few minutes of animax (animax rocks) and some judge judy style programming.

---
obsession: i can't stop thinking about the project i'm going to take on once i'm out of the military, and i blame the constant planning and pondering on my inability to chill. it's hard to not take stuff seriously when the big things always overshadow the small stuff.

this trip has given me a few ideas, which i find a bit of a relief, and i'm glad to be considering picking up writing on a more serious scale at some point in the relatively near future. i've been working towards this for most of the year, and it definitely feels right.

---
i'm impressed that i could translate the word "seal" to afrikaans via hebrew :P

dazed and confused

that's how i woke up, and that's how the day ended.

my mother actually had to work hard to get me to wake up this morning - i recall lots of shouting and it took a while until i was able to lift my aching head off the pillow and raise the coffee cup to my lips.

i dressed sharpish, found a decent parking spot and walked into the synagogue. the caffeine did a good enough job of clearing the cobwebs, and the service was nice enough. breakfast was very well laid out, and the quick conversations with the cousins were pleasant* - although the speeches were painful, and all i could think of was grading papers with rubber stamps for "non sequitur" and "mixed metaphor".

* i had a good laugh at my cousin's artist girlfriend - she has moo cards too

in saying goodbye to my aunt - who i haven't seen since i've been back - i got drawn into a fascinating conversation that continued until we were pretty much the last to leave.

i came back to pass out on the couch, and was woken with a phone call informing me that i was late to pick up my canadian cousins for the airport...

saying goodbye wasn't a mission, because we'll be seeing each other again relatively soon ^_^
protoplasm was still at the airport with his parents, so i joined them for a cup of coffee (and a scone) at the mugg & bean. the scone was almost as delayed as his flight, and arrived when he left - his parents were very polite, and stayed with me while i ate.

i think it's the first long conversation i've had with them, and although it was a bit strained (we are missing a little bit of history) they're very nice people and we didn't have too much awkwardness :)

i drove straight to shadowslight's (getting a bit lost on the way), and got to choose the movie because nobody else showed up. we ordered spur burgers through mr. delivery, and decided that driving there ourselves would've been a far better idea. we watched dazed and confused (flashback edition) - awesome film - and i came back to havana club (now i know why it's pricier than spiced gold), liquorice, marula and ice-cream cadbury's, a little bit of internet time and bed.

am i surfing tomorrow? dirk diggler's not talking :/

solid farewell stomp

i just got back from protoplasm's farewell - i joined him at neighbourhood after wine and coffee at my cousins (the dog hated me from first sight, i've never had that happen to me before), and walked in with springer and mmm. in addition to chatting with protoplasm and his buddies, mmm and i had a series of awkward moments, and springer and i had a really good talk.

protoplasm's sister and i shared an important talk - it seems i've found another soul on a quest to find god and she has some interesting ideas as well :)

we headed off afterwards to roots (after everyone had left and springer had been robbed of a fair amount of cash), where the music was crazy and the redbull sugar free. we dropped the girls off at mmm's mom's place - a scene of shushing and giggles that seemed dragged out of a movie, and said a quick goodbye.

now i've got to shower (i'm disgusting) and sleep a bit before heading off to the synagogue. hooray for biltong snapsticks before bed!

sleep, oysters, pizza

there were other plans, but those are the three things that happened. aeroplane woke me up this morning, then dirk diggler, and then i got up to make myself breakfast.

in anticipation of visiting call-a-pizza, i went to buy lactaze tablets - they needed to be ordered a day in advance, so i just had to bite the bullet and the pizza without. their alien safari pizza is just as mind-blowing (or tastebud-tantalizing) as i recalled, justifying my refusal to eat pizza in israel.

i wonder if new york pizza's have the same effect. they most certainly won't have the same attitude, though. we sat there munching and bouncing to the videos of new year's, wowed by the quality of the sound and having our bodies relive the intensity of the music ^_^

call-a-pizza only opens at 5pm, though, so we sat at la perla eating oysters, drinking whiskey and laughing at our waiter's disconnect as an antipasti. until then, i simply slept or arbed online. terrible :P

the bad news for the day: one of the domestic workers who's attached to our family just had to go through the horror of identifying her son's body, and that's an extremely painful thing to deal with even without being in her shoes.

a markéd improvemént

top of the news - vaudeville is fantastic! anyone in cape town who reads this *has* to go see it, it was an absolutely wonderful experience - slick, professional and magnificent ^_^

it's the first time i've seen sagirl in action, and that was pure pleasure: it's nice not only to be treated by one of the performers, but to discover just how amazing they really are!

---
the day began on the beach, disturbing uncle hate with my piercing and tattoo, having The Talk with yang and trying unsuccessfully to dip into the ocean while the waves were being decidedly uninviting. he didn't see the angle i took coming, and i hope i managed to get across the important bits.

he then joined me and dirk diggler (and a short while later, mmm) at newport deli for lunch and smoothies, and dirk diggler and i were on a roll so the other two (and half the deli) got to enjoy a meal and a show :)

after lunch, mmm and i returned to the beach to meet with springer, protoplasm and his sister; the waves were ridiculously high and directly onto the sandbar (i dived straight into the ground when the water was being pulled back). we had fun chatting, eating granadilla lollies and being amused by springer's little one, right until mmm noticed that i was going to be late.

it was while planning the evening that we suddenly realized that protoplasm was supposed to be with us (we'd booked for him, too) and due to a miscommunication had thought the night was off. i'm well impressed at how fast he managed to get his sister home and return in time for a quick shower before we all left.

---
the after party was nice, although there weren't enough people. i managed to find an in with a really cute girl at the bar, but was distracted by sagirl (happily, we never get to talk and we have a lot to catch up) and so missed out. oh, well.

we then moved over to fiction, where the music was mostly pretty good (until the last set, at least) and there was quite a bit of talent. we didn't make much headway women-wise but we did drink and dance a lot.

in preparation for driving, we took a walk to the 7-eleven. a couple of street-dwellers provided random encounters that got us a bit on edge, but to make up for it i had a whippy and a ffwd, and the coke that washed them down picked me up fairly quickly.

i'm home, about to shower and get into bed. it's gonna be 5am by the time i do, so i think i'm going the right way already :)

sleep cycled

okay, i definitely need my cycle back. this pre-midnight dying and waking up at 10am is stupid.

maybe it's a caffeine thing? i haven't been drinking much since i left.

maybe it's a stress thing? there's not enough holiday for me to relax about seeing people and doing things.

the dream i had this morning - walking out of an exam only to bump into strangers who wanted to talk to me about another course, then discovering that i hadn't done four homework assignments - made me uncomfortable.

happy 2010!

i'm exhausted - that was the most intense re-introduction to civilization that i've ever been through: the last few days have been a whirlwind of insanity and smiles and family and friends, and it's only just the beginning!

a) the flights
flying turkish was a great improvement - the seats were relatively comfortable, and every now and then i even managed a few winks. between flights, my single-serve friend invited me into the lounge, so at least i had a comfortable chair and access to some rum (although i discovered that too late to really enjoy it).

three things bothered me.
the stewards and stewardesses were difficult to talk to, and they ignored us for most of the trip. so much so that for one of the landings, they were nowhere to be seen and we were with our seats back and our belts off.
if my experience with the airlines and the lounge is indicative of standard turkish fare, it's a country of people that don't eat anything until a substantial portion of it is cheese. not cool for lactose intolerants.
the fat dude next to me for the long flight.

-- NOTES FROM THE FLIGHTS --
i'm sitting on the plane pre-takeoff, and i still can't let out the breath i've been holding in for what seems a lifetime, and in some respects was.

since april's nightmare, the intensity of the feelings that returned to me one year ago [the disparity between my past and my future and the present that's bridging them finally increased to the point where it cannot be ignored any longer] have burned holes in the unnatural reality that i have chosen for myself, the slave-to-the-machine antithesis of my irrational sense of ideals, self worth and control of my life.

it confounds me to test the amount of activities i've busied myself with against the pain of a full system breakdown, to contemplate the possibility that the best and most wonderful experiences and achievements were in a way - or even in large - due to the constant stress of having unknown disasters looming over me and my immediate future in a relentlessly intimidating fashion.

the more i've grown the unhappier i've become with the present, and the more determined to stand up and be judged for doing what i know to be right.

no penalty could be worse than what i've suffered the past nine months - and no penalty could force me to take as much pride in all aspects of my life.

now it's time to play.

---
back of the plane? cool. but what the hell is up with all the big people with no sense of personal space going through half of the duty free's liquor stock?

at least my single-serve friend got me in the lounge - the food was dodgy but the americano + rum went down well. also, he had interesting advice for what to do about my roof...

an airport is an airport is an airport.

---
i feel invisible to turkish steward/esses. my friendly neighbour, flab-man, is spilling over the arm rest.

at least the reason i didn't get fed is a good one - i was passed out. [and they sorted me out with a meal afterwards]

---
the morning ablution routine on an aeroplane always feels surreal and staggered to me - it's the compartmental nature of the toilets plus the time-limited tap. [but compared to the toilets at the festival...]

shit - how the hell did i forget my poncho??

the guy who saw me stretching and then came and stood right next to me (limiting my movement) was annoying. [i'm still uncertain as to why i didn't say anything]

---
i keep waking up when there's food being served... weird.

if i was to write a hitchhiker's guide entry for turkey based on my experiences with the airlines:
"a strange people, very difficult to communicate with and unable to produce anything edible without using a significant amount of cheese"
the use of cheese is apparently so ubiquitous that it doesn't get a mention on food labels. for next time: what kind of special meal do i ask for?

---
hmmph. zombie mode: i haven't properly relaxed in far too long - i'm sure a solid stomp will cure that. in the meanwhile, the idea of massaging my temples too hard and breaking through them, to pop out my eyeballs and wiggle my fingers in the empty sockets like sock puppets appeals to me.

---
waking up in the middle of another bad landing; this time with shoes off, belt off and seat as far back as it can go - no staff in sight (i don't think they really care, anyway), and the screen displaying the view from the camera under the nose of the plane

this time, the cabin shook so hard on impact that a small stream of water gushed from the ceiling onto flab-man, producing the only communication between us (a puzzled look from him, a shrug from me).

---
a pirate bath and a clean shirt: i'm in summer! i hope south africans are as comfortable with my "if i could choose i'd be gay" shirt as israelis are - here i'm in a country where people read english. [definitely not a problem]

---
odd - flab-man took a call, began shouting in surprised russian, grabbed his hand-luggage and fled. i'm hoping his seat will remain unoccupied.

---
yay! the last leg was far more comfortable. it would have been even better if i'd been able to sleep: these flights define a very long time to be stuck in my own head, and i'm simply too exhausted (mentally and emotionally) to use it to deal with things.

~~~
*NOW* i'm on holiday.

-- CAPE TOWN --

i was exhausted on arrival. the nice lady at border control reminded me that my passport's almost expired. minutes later i discovered that my driver's license has already, which wasn't expected...

the first thing i said to my mother when i saw her: "fweeeeeeee - i'm not in prison!"
people had been giving me funny looks for carrying a blow-out off the plane, but it was totally worth it :)

my mother has informed me that it appears that the world cup 2010 will proceed smoothly, forcing me to take back my doom-saying. i hope she's right.

i came home for a shower, scarfed down a quick boerewors lunch, and got to packing. once everything was sorted out (and i was loaded with my tent, a full over-sized backpack, a plastic packet of party goodies and a cooler bag, we headed off to fill said cooler bag with rum, beers, iron brew and ice. the lot cost about the same as just the rum in israel :P

we missed the turnoff to the venue, almost getting lost in a township (we just entered it, and a few of the people who saw us made threatening gestures as we abruptly turned and skidded out), but found the queue safely. my mum dropped me off, and i began the walk up to the ticket booth. just my luck - the woman from delicious dee's was heading back in, and offered me a ride ^_^

   itemized list

• finding protoplasm and r.o.b.o.t. and his wife.


• tent 1 goes up


• cousins arrive (me gripping onto side of their 4x4 while directing).


• tent 2 goes up


• firehair and the mask head inside with party tricks


• "you're old!" says a girl to me


• losing the head-lamp, finding it again


• tent 2 collapses


• the countdown - feeling good about the new year


• ... a night of milling around and psychologizing...
  my nephew was there until just after daybreak, but i didn't run into him.
  the chillout floor at dawn was intense, but had me stuck in my own head psychologizing until i managed to box some of my primary narratives and rediscover the source of my anti-authoritarianism (male biological overlord issues).


• the gorgeous petit girl fluttering and everyone's mum (aunty em) and bum-stomping


• the dam (responsibly not diving into the ground, running into all the jews)


• mud craziness - "could you have more fun?"


• kipping on the grass & r.o.b.o.t. and wife leave; fudge-banana-almond crepes


• the girls (aeroplane's ex - springer), the mask (following people wearing my ski-mask while calling their names), more mud (a trance party initiation for springer's friend - mmm, and hooking up with her), the ex (a girl i dated for a while just before the millenium)


• *REALLY* sleepless, missing the mad hatter's set, hypothermia and rocky bruises, and searching for springer (whoops - she didn't do so well after we got separated)


• stolen shirt - who steals a shirt?! aunty em is anti-mud, claiming it drives the older generation away... now that i'm joining the older generation, i tend to disagree :P


• breakfast rolls, a little sleep (the mattress helped), coffee (burned tongue?)


• getting the cousins together


• mud-wash stomp


• zombie camp-breaking (moving very, very slowly) & time-warp toilet (using the port-a-potties required so much care for each movement that i couldn't tell how long i'd been in there, and it was *hot* inside)


• last stomp (more like a wiggle), man with orange juice on his bum (it irritated me that someone balanced the bottle on the guy's bum while he was passed out. not only was it demeaning and unnecessary, but it was my orange juice and the cap had tomato sauce all over it), dry ice (thrown into the mud, with one of those amazonian beauties covered in mud and dancing over the resulting smoke while blowing bubbles)


• quiet drive - too tired to talk


• emergency chocolate / ghost pops / creme soda


• make-up remover doesn't work on zinc

general experience:
i'm amazed that aside from the last set, no matter how exhausted i was at any given time i could be moved to full intensity by the wicked beats.
i drank a lot more of the rum than i'd intended. the responses to the spiced gold by strangers who didn't know what it was were great.
i'm shocked to have met a girl who i really like, who likes me, and who i could have a great time with without having to be attached to constantly.
i did some serious damage to my feet. mostly in the dam, with only one incident in the parking lot. the head-lamp that my mum bought me was incredibly useful!

after coming home and showering, i went with my cousins for hamburgers. that was fun. on getting home, i sat trying to educate my mum on the realities of misbehaviour - i don't know how interested she was.

---
breakfast with my sister and her boyfriend in their new house was excellent, and their boxer puppy and i get along extremely well.

lunch with my other cousins under the mountain was brilliant, and napping on the grass afterwards in the sun worked for me.

i watched under the african sky - a documentary about the capetonian trance scene - instead of sleeping some more. i went shopping with both mommies, and organized the important stuff (loads of chocolate and marshmallows). then we went for dinner with our cousin from the kibbutz's sad sister.
the evening was alright (the sunset view from their house was mind-blowing), but the lack of understanding she displays regarding the basics of being human and enjoying life made for an easy military comparison, so now my mother understands the kind of mentality i've been up against for the last couple of years.

overheard on the news: an oil spill. oil spills: lose - lose for everyone. depressing.

---
this morning began with cuz's kids and my aunt coming for a visit. we had a good talk, and i rode with them to the traffic department. wearing my "if i could choose" shirt started some funny conversations - although i was a bit concerned to discover that i'm having trouble understanding african accents :/
after getting my id photos taken, queuing, and filling out the form, the systems went down on a national scale so we all have to come back another day.

at least my housesitter faxed me my israeli license, so i can drive again :)

i walked to the police station looking for the taekwondo group, but couldn't find them. i bought expensive rum instead (havana club). i got sent on an annoying mission to find low GI bread, then met up with mmm. we went to her fish 'n chips store (i didn't realized it was hers at the time) to pick up lunch, then picked up springer's son (gorgeous kid) and took him to the castle while we ate. we picked her up afterwards and visited the bo-kaap farm.

let me repeat that: the bo-kaap farm. i didn't know there was one. it's incredible! we were greeting by pigs and dogs and sweet little worker's kids, then met the cows and the sheep, then some geese and the owner. it was such fun!

we had drinks and chatted at the cape manor hotel while springer's kid was looked after by the guests at the pool (everyone adores him), eventually noticing the time and having to go.

some of the new year's photos from protoplasm and r.o.b.o.t. are great. cadbury's coconut ice chocolate is too good.

the dinner shirt - i didn't change it, so that my bigoted, gay-bashing uncle could enjoy it... it did push his buttons :P
we ate at the restaurant on chapman's peak drive - the food was fantastic (i went with calamari, portuguese steak and prawns) and we had a great time. i drove home, and now that i'm done with this post (finally!), i need to pass out. i still haven't caught up.

just breathing

i almost fell asleep on the train - but realized just in time that we were stopping at the airport. the security check was alright, although the general exhaustion and specific lack of sleep have caught up with me, and everything has been dream-like since.

i tried my entirely useless frequent flyer card (no lounge, so what's the point?), had a croissant and orange juice at about three times the normal price, and have been busying myself with the iliad and wired and dark chocolate to keep myself awake until i'm on the plane.

and because of my current employer's nature and the men in the suits, i'm going to continue to be terrified of not leaving until we take off.

*still praying*

again with the being late?!

then again, this is the first time that i'm leaving my place to somebody else, and there were a bunch of things that didn't occur to me to do until the last minute...

still - not good. at least this time it's only (gods willing) going to be about fifteen minutes. *prays*

*rain comes down hard*

---this morning almost went according to plan - i arrived at the right building on time to meet with wr, and if he had been less incoherent at stupid o'clock a.m., i wouldn't have gone all the way around it before finally finding him.

he hadn't prepared his coffee stand yet, so i ogled the very fine examples of why i should return to academia while he took care of business. the line that formed during the time it took to produce the first cup of coffee (the second was mine) just kept getting longer, so i made some headway into the iliad, and when the coffee was done i returned to the city to handle laundry, cleaning and packing.

it was an EXTREMELY busy morning - my apartment's never been so tidy! at lunchtime i met up with mmf and his partner for lunch and a talk about the future (as in, post uniform. it'll happen someday, hopefully sooner rather than later), which is the reason i didn't manage to get back in time...

the only thing that really has me nervous is the call i got from my TL earlier. i suspect that it's just the kinda-cute girl's being new, but they couldn't find the report of my holiday authorization even though i was there when our regular secretary received it.

*keeps praying*

a last day

chef morning
for the section breakfast, i started the day shopping for chocolate milk and cheese - two of the only items that i personally wouldn't be able to enjoy. the chef met me outside, and my "usual" ride dropped him off at the entrance to the base.

smelly ride
we then picked up a couple of guys from our base. one of them has apparently failed hygiene 101; his "scent" made it difficult to breathe and caused me to feel nauseous.

"thursday's a shit movie"
the breakfast was great, and satisfying. my automatic response to the above shared sentiment was "and you're shit people"... i wasn't kidding when i told them that that wasn't a disproportionate response, merely me sharing how i feel regardless of their attitude towards the movie itself :P

seriously, though - i don't get how such a great movie has such a low rating.

the only tough thing about the breakfast was cleaning up afterwards - i'm fairly certain that more damage was done to my hearing by the vacuum cleaner than by any of the parties i've been to this year :(

bit drawing
primary job for the day: translating bit masks to pixels using mspaint and lots of patience. it was... grounding.

voicemail
sorting out my voicemail was a mission this morning, as is everything with the sat-phone company. once they had finally connected me, i called in and set it up. then i tested it. it didn't work. it turned out that the person who had set it up for me initially had forgotten to check the options that determine when a call is transferred. brilliant!

late lunch
lunchtime conversation revolved around israeli culture and the problems inherent in it being such a young country. i settled on the concept of global social stagnation: for the past hundred or so years, cultures have been merging non-stop and those merges have left gaping holes. the religions of money and warfare have pretty much closed off most avenues for the majority, and caring for the weaker of the species, a noble enterprise, has also become a really costly one for the strong and sensible.

for israelis specifically, it's simply always been that way. it's no wonder, then, that attitudes remain childish and that holocaust mentality (the perpetual fear of being victimized or taken advantage of) still reigns.

the western concept of sanity has been eroded to its inverse. who can we look to for comparison?

---
youth in politics: i believe in two improvements to democracy.
1) transformation to meritocracy, requiring qualifications and performance to be factors in postings to government positions
2) that a significant portion (preferably at least 50%) of any governmental body must be young and unmarried. when one gets married and has children, he is physiologically obliged to place his family's situation and interests ahead of everyone else's. this is unavoidable, and we need people in charge who actually care.

we need idealism in our leaders, not the bitterness that comes with having risen through the ranks of corrupt or useless nobodies. let the advisors share their experience, but the hopeful and invulnerable should do the pushing and pulling.

---
ecstasy disinformation
this being the week celebrating the war on drugs, that pillar of human stupidity that burns us all by carrying an insatiable demand for our resources and denying something that is inherently a part of our lives (everyone gets their fix somehow, whether it's sex / love, religion, money, sport, food or chemical), a presentation was sent around to upset me.

you see, about 85% of the information presented was accurate. the rest was fear mongering disinformation, slipped in in a manner that will easily distort the surrounding text. i don't think this is a good idea - i've always maintained that this provides a perfect pretext for exaggerated drug use: "well, they lied about that, so how can i trust the rest of what i was told? screw 'em!"

that's just my opinion. one specific thing that bothered me: psychotropic does not mean hallucinogenic.

---
actually useful
the last part of the day was covered by a fairly productive meeting and a short code review, both of which gave me the sensation that i'd actually done something on my last day of the year. i've now gone through what was undoubtedly my worst year (in the military, everything else was awesome), and i'm really, really glad it's over.

laundry
not wanting to leave my house-sitters with a pile of laundry, i found myself in a quandary. then it hit me - laundromat! the guy did me a favour, and assured me that it would be ready to go by tomorrow afternoon :)
i also discovered that bleach is not the answer to my penny arcade hoodie's problems, i need to dry-clean it. i'll do that when i return.

monkeying
i got it together to put the waterproofing on my roof, which was quite fun and terrific exercise. i felt super-skilled (and heavy; i'd forgotten how heavy i am) clambering up the burglar bars fairly nimbly, holding myself up with one hand while securing cable ties with the other. my timing was perfect - it began to drizzle just as i was finishing up!

i don't have any way of knowing that this is the right solution, and i'm praying that the impact of the next serious shower will be deflected...

rained frisbeer
five minutes after i was done, i was meeting scrapper with a frisbee and two beers in hand. we went to rabin square, and had a few throws before the rain came bucketing down. we rushed to the tree in the centre, put on our jackets (my bright orange ye-olde troop jacket was perfect!) and carried on, and i was thoroughly and happily immersed in a session that i would've been proud of even if we hadn't been in an extraordinary situation ^_^

now i have a couple of super-sweaty items that won't be cleaned by tomorrow... oh, well :P

sammy twists the knife
sammy arrived, bearing a gift that i'm extremely pleased with ^_^
we sat at coffeeholic (i needed the lentil soup), passed by the ilke (it was too crowded for sammy, i squeezed through to say hi to ta2 for a couple of minutes and then rejoined him), and then sat down to munch at michal's (haven't been there in a while).

the night went on a little later than was wise, because i was going to get all this down before going to bed anyway, and now i have to be up in less than five hours on my holiday :P [one last hectic day to sort everything out, and then it's time to fly!]

103 - the office is the other excuse ;)

shakes head to bed

a very interesting evening, filled with good ideas and mutually shared assumptions. it's like a precursor for coming back to south africa :)

i'm surprised at myself, i just donated a fair amount of dosh (their minimum request, but whatever) to wikipedia. not that surprised, it seems like fair trade but we've all gotten used to using it for free :)

the right start

my holiday has essentially begun! i woke up relaxed, had breakfast, and walked to the t-shirt shop*, arriving just in time to get my new shirt made:



* realizing, on the way, that i need to learn how to use bleach. my beautiful white penny arcade hoodie is a bit discoloured.

after entering an intriguing argument with a girl at coffeeholic (who'd been giving the new guy a hard time about contradictory behaviour), i stopped at the hardware store to acquire ways to secure my new roof covering. i'll get that done on wednesday, apparently. it's supposed to rain tomorrow. not perfect.

i got dressed, and bussed with a grin. i'm now in holiday mode, and life is pretty ^_^
not only did i manage to catch all the buses at *just* the right times, but my mom sent me an sms that added a little more reality to the fact that i'll be there in three more sleeps!

i stopped for lunch with nystire, after which we bought a couple of things and then ran into my old SC. on our way into base we bumped into my old BC, and that little bit of catching up was fun :)

i didn't have too much work to do, and even that was interrupted by a half an hour of cake and giggles. and a bit of organizing for tomorrow's section breakfast.

---
i'm not sure if i was having a nightmare on the shuttle, or if the driver took a corner too fast, but i experienced a falling sensation and almost took someone's eye out trying to keep my balance in my sleep. the thing is, it's happened a few times before, when i've been sleeping flat in my bed. i don't know what causes it - it's like a falling dream but the sensation isn't just in my head...

curious - i find it an interesting phenomenon.

---
i just introduced my housesitters to all the ins and outs, while the electrician almost finished up. i'm a bit irritated about that, but we're going to have to do a second round in any event so it'll have to wait until february.

having backed up my copy of the 60's (it's stupidly easy in linux to make an iso file - you just cat /dev/scd0 > target!), it's now time to pay mmf a visit.

spontaneity

today began with vampire dreams that were extremely personal and very unsexy. i was contemplating contemplating it...

the thought for the day stems almost directly from hillman:
when i don't allow place within myself for all the darkness of my soul, it finds expression in projection on others. perhaps if everyone could accept and contain their entireties, we would have no more need for war?

another thought: if we're not exercising higher order functions when we dance or pray, does that make it a counter-productive form of meditation? i think not, but that's what i understood from one of his statements... and that will be contemplated. possibly while stomping ;)

smile for the day: only a couple more days to masses of beautiful, smiling, dirty bouncing people taking reality outside for a stroll ^_^

the list:
• i forgot to mention a flashing neon sign that amused me the other day: "sand moneygram" - nice one, very desert-y :)
• phone trauma - nystire copied something to my phone, which began behaving badly (stuck, with weird screen artifacts) as soon as we disconnected. i found this to be rather stressful, but after a bit of playing it came back to life...
  for some reason, i'm terrified of having to get my phone serviced. [see 8th-20th of may]
• the breakfast pastry had nasty results. i'm certain i said a while back that i wouldn't take the risk again :(
• i felt a bit ill today. that may or may not have been related to the previous bullet.
• nystire and i were walking next to each other; just before we turned out of the corridor i made a motion to smack him and we walked, attacking and blocking, straight into nyah-nyah. nyah-nyah was armed, took one look at us and gripped her m16. we didn't hesitate, splitting in opposite directions to hide in the corridor - then we all laughed, and carried on :P
• an encounter with a bureaucratic attitude to a non-acquisition put my back up, and placed me squarely in sales mode. i think in the end we'll get what we want, but we had to fight for it. i don't see why.
  [the meeting was a bitch. my eye was irritated, a gnat was annoying all of us, and i'm convinced that the heater was set to 30+]
• i probably shouldn't be too friendly with the new, kinda-cute girl in our unit. she seemed a little too enthusiastic when i made a friendly comment...

my eyes are killing me. fortunately, they're good enough to have allowed my mind to be blown by avatar - WOW! the story was stock hollywood, good, but i believe the visual pleasure outweighed any potential grievances. i think i enjoyed it even more having read the wired article on its creation.

it was decided that the ex-team-mate i went to see it with and i would meet up on blades / bicycle and return so that he could use the open ticket i had. as i hit the park, i got a call letting me know that the tuesday group was meeting ten minutes later...
we got lost in the park (it was absolutely amazing - palpable mist and smooth sailing), and after sort-of sorting out the ticket we tried to catch up to the group.

we didn't make it, but it was a fun mission anyway. i stopped over at his place for seriously spicy soup, and then bladed home, having a quick chat with the chef and his ex on the way and then trying to be helpful to the people who had an accident nearby.

now that i've hung up laundry, burned and watched out of the corner of my eye a little bit of the director's cut of the woodstock documentary, i'm hitting the hay. i sent my TL an sms earlier letting him know i'll be arriving late in the morning, and requesting his approval - no response. oh, well, i can only assume he was already in bed ;)

irresponsible

today began well - i sorted out my "fat freddy's cat" shirt, which i find quite amusing - i have to say that working with the gimp now that i've got loads of memory is an absolute pleasure!
i'll have to print it before i leave.

i finally got it together to mess with my pc. after much anguish, i realized that the older drive is not the one that's cause for concern... the "middle" one is the troublemaker, so much so that i can't install a copy of ubuntu on it. i was hoping that the installation disc was the problem, but nystire's brother dropped off another copy* and that had the same results :(

* while i was waiting, three of the dutch guys from this year's snowboarding walked past. they didn't hear my "hey, guys!", and that was as the car pulled up. oh, well.

today has reminded me how much i despise the technical aspects of computing. i'm happy sticking with the virtual ones.

i played frisbee with karnaf in the park, discovering that my new trousers aren't good for sports but finally started getting the hang of using my fingernails to catch :)

open cinema tickets SUCK. i'd have to go there physically (a couple of hours + one third of the ticket price) to book it. how hard can it be to arrange it by phone? it has a number and everything! idiots.

so i bought a ticket to see avatar tomorrow, fine. now to find a buyer for the open one :/
i feel like i've been had.

---
urchin came over, and we watched the 60's. i remembered thinking that it was amazing, but of the entire movie only one scene remained in my head. aside from the incredible music and the phenomenal approach the history of the most important decade in history (ie. the only time that youth have ever shown their strength, and that a people pushed for their freedom with passive protest - prior to showing black panther might, of course), the personal perspective was just as touching as it was before and i had tears streaming down my face on a number of occasions.

one doesn't need to be an american to feel and identify with their triumphs and their failures - our situation isn't much different to theirs, we've just allowed ourselves back into the same valueless distractions as haunted them then.

we all need to be free, and we all need to value one another, and we all need to take control of our lives and be involved in the lives of our brethren.

---
it's late - uploading facebook photos, and watching the big bang theory and battlestar galactica are eating into my sleeping hours.

from bed, slightly drunk

actually, i don't know if the word "drunk" is entirely fair, but i wouldn't describe my current state as especially eloquent. i'm distracted, both physically and mentally, and i think more of that is from the performance than the relatively (relative to the amount of food i've consumed today) large quantity of alcohol.

the performance was unbelievable. incredible, amazing, dream-like and fantastic. daphna and the cookies are a phenomenal band and their cohesion is palpable. daphna alone is simply wonderful, and her duets with rona keenang (i think that's how it's said) were inspired.

i'm now swimming in my head but not tired, so i'm going to attempt a bit of justina robson's selling out before i close my eyes on a day most excellently spent.

a list of ups and downs

holy crap! a couple of crazy days later, and i'm now on my way to see daphna and the cookies...

yesterday:

the girl
my behaviour is not excused by this next statement, it's just that the damage is lessened: that girl has a boyfriend.

work
it was a house day, meaning that i had house music playing for its entirety and that made everything smoother. the shuttle was a bit late, but so was everyone in the office so that was okay :P

mental masturbation caused by an amusingly misunderstood sentence from nystire: a messenger would be given microdots and then sent off with a message, as opposed to being sent with a message containing these microdots

yesterday saw us getting a repeat performance of the "meat" that disgusted us a while back. this time, somebody asked what it was - the response was "Esterhazy". that is an outright lie.

i went with the barely-edible-yet-far-superior vegetarian serving.

one of our unit was released yesterday - he's decided to quit computers and study medicine. some of the guys were asking "what for?!".
*raises hand to indicate sarcasm* i love my unit.

reading
i'm finally reaching the end of james hillman - re-visioning psychology. the closing pages are extremely lucid (now that i've spent most of the year preparing for them :P) and the summation points are absolutely fascinating. i'm *extremely* pleased that i didn't give up on the hardest book i've ever read.

tae kwon do
the warm-up was fun, the stretching basic... the pull-ups not bad, and the one-steps wonderful. our instructor really made my life difficult on the one-steps, but the results were immediate and obvious. i left well-pleased with myself.

party
i promised i'd try to get there, so i did. a birthday party for a couple of guys from my previous unit, with cruddy music and the cute girl who de-friended me on facebook. i ignored her, and caught up with the mongoose's ex-girlfriend. i then got talking to one of the guys, and the next thing i knew we'd run out of conversation (easy with army types) and everyone was going home.

it was okay, i guess. the bartender was a bit of an asshole, but otherwise it was all fine.

today:

the girl
i was on the phone this morning when a gorgeous girl walked past, causing my brain to freeze. i stared and smiled stupidly as she went past in bullet-time. a bit later, i was hurrying to the old section's breakfast when she and her friends walked past me - it appears she's taking classes at the art house next door. i feel like a complete idiot for not having done anything.

roofer
the day began with me hanging on to my burglar bars and removing weird things from my roof that had fallen from my upstairs neighbours. i couldn't find anything resembling a weak spot, and so i figured that waterproof sheeting really is the way to go. there's me headed off, pre-coffee, to south tel aviv.

i had coffee and a croissant on the sidewalk in florentin while waiting for my parcel to be fitted and wrapped, and was horrified to discover that i have a lot less money in my account than i expected. it's been a heavy month. i'm going to have to start planning seriously and keep track of me expenditures. is this "growing up"?

second breakfast
i had a proper breakfast with my old section a few blocks away, which was fun.

rothschild
yogi picked me up (i'd forgotten how much fun riding on his motorcycle is), and we went to rothschild. a long chat walking through the crowds filled with gorgeous girls who seem attracted to my sunglasses, a beer on a bench, and then i joined the guys from my old section who'd come for the street party. we walked back to bograshov, then i broke off so i could make it in time for the rollerblading group.

sunset rollers
awesome, awesome blade - aside from the bit where heeblet had to be taken to the hospital after a bad landing :(

i discovered that there's an open skate park with ramps and bowls in yad eliyahu (my old neighbourhood); i *have* to get there when there're less people to make a fool of myself in front of! i would've played more than i did, but i thought better of it because i need to keep myself whole for new year's ;)

computer
i'm posting this from my pc - i'm busy backing up, and once i'm back i'll shut it down and remove the suspicious drive. for the moment, though - everything's fine. *knocks on wood*

general:
during the now-traditional post-training discussion, i discovered a better way to convey "universal / objective reality". we're 4-dimensional beings. try to think of the world as if you only had access to the three spacial dimensions, and what you're looking at is an objective reality where everything exists, but there is no history or future; just a three dimensional picture of what exists right now.

with only a single instant to work with, one cannot derive meaning. that's the point i was trying to make.

post SY depression

it's the last stretch, and i'm tired. it's been a busy year, filled with israeli homeowning, men in suits, disgusting work conditions (and constant cross-cultural aggravation), academic progression, and realizations about myself and the universe that have made my mind twist and turn.

"the mind, once expanded to the dimensions of larger ideas, never returns to its original size."
-oliver wendell holmes

[SY stands for Sucky Year - the bad really outweighed the good on this one]

for the first time in days, i actually had the energy to do something at 7.30am - cutting up bits of paper and sticking them on our new "what's up?" board. that lasted an hour, the flurry of random bits of work after that is a bit blurred until lunchtime.

lunch was super-healthy [raises hand to indicate sarcasm] half-fried chips and over-fried, soggy chicken in a pita. fortunately, we arrived back to the office just as my TL had finished washing the floors, which meant that i could take a short siesta in the corridor. i told my TL that that's the most useful thing he's done since i moved to his team :)

i spent the afternoon testing, and fighting with one of our lab rats - he was upset when i told him that i don't trust one of the stations. it's never worked for me before, so why should it occur to me to use it? amusingly enough, after he showed me a way to make it perform better he accidentally shut it down when i was in the middle of something. it just goes to show.

the shuttle back took longer than usual, which meant more sleep. i stopped in at the hardware store with a query about tap installations, and ended up being drawn into a chat about my current situation. i keep trying to avoid conversations regarding my personal woes, and that's not so easy...

i needed to shave the edge off my mood, so i went with some rum. two solid slugs, and i was feeling alright...

the electrician came, and finally installed the fittings i bought on friday. they're really pretty, and the work didn't take too long! now he just has to come back for a half-hour plaster job, and we're done until round two :)

as soon as he left, i headed off to south tel aviv to see ein efes (אין אפס - no zero) perform. they have potential, but would be better off replacing their singers. it took them about half the show to warm up, and to bring out the better songs... i was surprised at the bassist's candor when he sat with us afterwards and agreed with my breakdown wholeheartedly (although i didn't mention the singing, there're limits to mine :P).

the bus ride home was nice, and the last stretch was with a very pretty girl who lives next door. we had a very pleasant chat right until we got to her building, at which point i wished her a good night, took my leave, and then felt like a complete toss for not having invited her for coffee or taken her number. what the hell?! i think i'm my own worst enemy.

i've definitely got to shower and get into bed. that was totally worth leaving the house for - even if i didn't love the band, the company was great :)

event soup

last night wasn't so bad - i mean, so what if there were only sandwiches for dinner, and it was a mission to differentiate between the cheese and the tuna? and so what if all the drinks provided were diet? why should it bother me that everybody was in more of a hurry to register (to prove that they'd arrived) than myself, and that they have no concept of personal space (borderline frotteurism)?

it was amusing to see the guys in our unit getting all excited when they discovered that the rest of the unit actually has girls in it. they're not pretty, but that's still a huge improvement over what we're used to :P

the event was amazing. the speeches were mind-blowing. </end sarcasm> the unit video was excellently made, although the content left much to be desired. the introduction to mosh ben ari was nice, but the second he started singing three of us made our move and skipped off to the bowling alley for beers and chips until we received an sms alert that it was time for "coffee and cake".

rogalach is not cake. we should've just cut home.

---
i picked up my pc this evening, but i don't have the energy to run, backup, fiddle and reinstall just now. at least i have compressed air for the fiddling stage - "dust mites inside" is embarrassing.

the woman in the second magazine store was more understanding than the guy i dealt with last time, but didn't have what i was looking for. armed with slightly better articulation, i tried again at the stand - no dice. then i remembered the second-hand store for a possible alternative.

there are two reasons the second-hand book store was a good idea:
1. i found a great book. it's a book of letters written in yiddish from 1937, which won't be as amusing as much as it will be interesting.
2. in keeping with the stock's style, the store has a ye-olde mechanical credit card swiper - something i haven't seen in years. i didn't know they were still usable, and it's very retro-cool. i enjoyed paying :)

my walking there and back was accompanied by good music, and very appropriate to my mood. mostly puscifer and marilyn manson. my issue is with singing along - it's hard for me not to join in with intensity, but i'm keeping my voice low so as not to freak out the other pedestrians. all i've been wanting to do of late is to let go - to scream, to sing, to jump up and down, and not to do that alone.

just one more week.

i got home to hang up laundry and discover that a building pipe is leaking onto my roof. the caretaker's just left - hopefully we can get the insurance company to send someone on friday. the good news is that the electrical grounding's finally been sorted out, although it would've been nice if i hadn't had to ask :P

this post powered up by cyber cartel - space embargo and creatrix - killer beat

spiked

holy crap! i just had a really malicious thorn tear into me, grabbing a surprisingly stretchy section of my upper arm. i eased out of its grasp, but i'm left with a couple of large holes, slow bleeding and the paranoia that it's either poisonous or hooked something deeper.
meh... i'm sure it'll be fine, but it's eerie and painful.

i remembered to fast last night and this morning, which was good. i forgot my umbrella, though. as much as i enjoyed walking in the pouring rain, i still had yesterday's headache and wasn't feeling good.

the guy whose blood was drawn before mine made a lot of noise, which got me a bit tense. the medic told me not to worry, and i was surprised at how smoothly he performed. lucky? there wasn't much i could have done about it.

i stopped to buy breakfast before entering the office, and when i found my section empty i was sure i was missing something important. i was wrong - just a section meeting. it was wise to take my "i'm being cynical" sign...

the meeting inspired me to set up a work-only events board, as i've been complaining for too long that none of us know what's going on with what we do. that's demotivating, and i certainly don't need any assistance in that department.

my appointment with the physiotherapist was cancelled - i didn't know there was a time-limit on my treatment :(

i had lunch with karnaf (reserve duty - it was weird for both of us to see each other in uniform), but even the best food on base wipes me out afterwards. at least when i finally started recovering i managed to get some work done, although i ended up doubling up because i'd forgotten that i'd sorted something out a while ago and hadn't indicated it properly :/

just one more week to sort out all my shit before i leave - i just need a day off to rest! the weekends just aren't enough...