over-exercised, but eventually fed

i was up until about 3am scribbling about the open source project - i was so tired the words were pouring out like set jelly :P

i woke up with a sore, gunked up throat and my phone ringing - my cousin from the kibbutz got back to me after i called her yesterday. i'd meant to get up anyway, but my capacity for chat was suffering a slow start-up... i started the day by producing a potential flyer for our taekwondo group, then broke for coffeeholic for breakfast.

the breakfast was great, i enjoyed getting back into hillman, and karnaf joined me after a while and we sat and chatted until i had to get ready for training. i wasn't really feeling up for training, but what the heck :P

training itself was hardcore - a more extreme version of last night's, and last night caused me to bite back tears. there was a point today at which i managed to move back into sitting position from a stretch, and actually struggled to regain control over my contorted facial muscles. this all happened *after* i managed to put my neck out completely... again... it's been a gods-darn month already!

moment: our instructor has a thing about throwing her camera at people. usually as a surprise. i made a save today that not only shocked me, but got everyone else applauding and cheering as well - a bit later, i had to make a simpler one, which didn't go so well (she'd left the lens out, and i caught it at an angle... at least it works again).

i broke at 4.45pm, leaving in time (i thought i was in time) for the rollerblading group (and in my hurry leaving behind my uniform and shirt. i hope they don't get moldy before i rescue them). when i was informed that it was leaving in twenty-three minutes, i had to *run* home in order to have a hope. when i arrived, i discovered that my informant had written negative twenty-three. i figured it was possible for him to be mistaken (he wasn't), so i put on my blades (still breathing heavily and sweating profusely from the run) and scrambled to the park.

i asked a random bystander (a mom whose kid was blading) if she'd seen the group, and she nodded to the parking lot... i could barely make out a set of wheels in the dark. i ran up to discover a couple of people i'm familiar with, but not the sunset group i was looking for. they were "drafting", essentially slipstreaming for long-distance rollerbladers. this was better than nothing, i figured, so i joined them. that turned out to be a really good idea: we worked hard, but my job was to stare at the really cute girl's ass (the one who read us poetry a few weeks ago) for an hour in order to sync with her.

can't complain.

we got back to the park just before the sunset group, and we hung around for about a quarter-hour chatting and hearing horror stories (and seeing horror videos, one of the guys videotaped his prince-albert being inserted. i couldn't watch more than a few seconds, staring at his penis wondering when the action would begin just didn't rank high on my list of things to do). the group began to dissemble, and i rolled back home at high speed. it took me a while to cool down enough to take a shower, and i've just come back from having a mean sandwich at cafeneto while reading wired. this month's issue has some very interesting points to make, specifically concerning risk, prisons, autism and bureaucracy management.

now i need to sleep before tonight's crazy 17-year alternative line party.

NOOOOOOOOOO!! not my ipod!!!

*cries*

i just opened up my washing machine to find my poor ipod inside :'(

this doesn't give me enough faith

sore leg, other sore leg...

i got to wake up a little later than usual this morning (a little after 6am), but the extra sleep didn't help me and i had to drag myself out of bed. i celebrated last night's mythbustingly good news by having a snickers for breakfast.

the morning began with a Very Important Meeting: we were all called in to watch a video about factory bottlenecks. i commented afterwards that when our bottlenecks exist in a virtual space, being instructed to sit around watching movies about stuff that most of us know already (and is mostly irrelevant for us anyway) points a giant finger at our section's tiniest bottleneck: our SC.
interestingly, nobody stood up for him, and my TL is usually the big defender.

today's primary workload (my secondary project) was challenging, frustrating and satisfying.
re-designing stuff that i didn't think through, and trying to incorporate it into the current codebase incrementally is no a simple task. realizing just how inefficient and inelegant my quick-fix tacked-on procedural mess became is shameful. seeing my new designs fitting in smoothly and correctly is extremely pleasing.

the rest of the day was dedicated to qa - fortunately, predominantly my own and with a little prompting and tweaking from my TL my testing documents have become good enough to turn a mountainous task into a breeze :)

i got a ride to the entrance to petach tikva, falling asleep on the way and waking up totally out of it. it took me a while to find the station, but the bus arrived with a minute of my getting there so that was fine. a short walk from the bus took me to training...

training was rough. today was a stretching day, and i haven't experienced one of those in a very, very long time. my body went into panic fairly quickly, and i would've told myself to "man up" if i hadn't been feeling particularly unmanly (possibly due to being so tired). i did the forms in slow-motion.

i watched another episode of battlestar galactica on the bus back, showered, tried to figure out a way to the party, failed, and went to ze sushi for dinner instead. the meal was excellent as usual, the chef and i talked so much that i didn't get to open my book (i'm attempting hillman again), and i've just arrived back to see if i can get anything productive done or get some rest instead.

i just pulled the terranoise album out of my mailbox ^_^

intrigue!

i have a lot to learn.
i came up with a good plan, and we've begun a pirate adventure :)

nice kids, i can see there'll be a lot of munchkinning, but i'm more interested in familiarizing myself with the role of on-the-fly storyteller and keeper of the plot device. also, i don't think there's a better way to get a grip on the damn rules :P

apparently i remind one of the guys of gerard butler.

two girls in two strolls

waking up this morning wasn't too rough, although sleeping on the shuttle didn't do my neck any good.

i walked in to discover that my TL has changed his surname. i have trouble reading certain names, and the others found my getting the pronunciation wrong absolutely hysterical...

i was supposed to go to the range today, but i wasn't prepared so they let me off the hook. for the moment. the man in the suit called me, too, and next week will hopefully be decisive. i think i've wished for that before :/

i spent a lot of the day worrying about diabetes... i'm going to make an appointment to see the doctor and get tested. i wanted to ask at the clinic if i could get tested without an appointment (a yes/no answer), and the ars who'd arrived before me got upset that i'd pushed in the line when he was busy being dealt with.
he's right. i should've at least asked. i'm getting too used to this sort of behaviour :(
[maybe i shouldn't be so concerned?]

i spent today struggling with my demons - demon entangled procedural code. once i got the design sorted out, things started going smoothly, and i finished off the day having finished one of the more important classes cleanly.

i didn't know that c# doesn't do typedefs. it's irritating writing out templates of templates and forgetting which ones means what. typedefs are important.

i passed out for a short while in the afternoon, and came to just in time for birthday cake. some of the guys were bored, and began pushing me over whether it's really "orientated" or if "oriented" is the right word. they "proved" it by bringing two thick books with the incorrect spelling. i could deal with the silliness, but one idiot (the guy from yesterday with the inability to whisper) decided to have a go at me, and he claimed that he's a native english speaker. he's as native in english as i am in dutch. about five minutes of excessively pointless argument later, and i walked out of there to hear from someone else that he's a generally annoying person who nobody should argue with :P

the village idiot and i sent out a really amusing email this afternoon - my unit spam's quality is improving :P

...

something's going well - i picked up my picture, which came out really nicely this time, and went past coffeeholic to say hi to the guy i went to the party with. a cute american-israeli girl was there, and we got to talking... she said she'd call me as i rushed off to get ready for tonight's gaming.

on the way back from emergency supply shopping, i walked past a really pretty girl struggling with a sixpack of water... of course i offered her a hand (on condition she was going my way :P), and the walk was very pleasant :)

i've just tidied everything up, and now i'm waiting for the party to arrive.

where's the kitty?

i forget all the important stuff :$

yesterday, as i was getting off the bus, one of the passengers near the door turned to face me - a girl wearing cat make-up. we looked at each other, and she started making faces at me, so of course i made a face or two back.

the problem is that i'm not supposed to do stuff like that in uniform, and once i got off the bus i started wondering if maybe she was just a figment of my imagination.

i had been listening to one of frozen ghost's more insane tracks at the time; the experience put me in a very strange headspace :p

feels like i'm falling

i suddenly remembered the falling nightmare - i'm not terrified, just a little irritated.

the first fall was caused on the last leg home, some idiot in front of me turned around and stopped, while there was traffic on my left and i was going way too fast to stop. i came out of it alright, but annoyed. at least he apologized.

the second fall occurred because i switched to the north side of the road to get away from uneven and bothersome paving, and couldn't see that the shopkeepers had not only covered the pavement in suds, but managed to fill half the road as well. i really fell on my ass, and while i'm lucky to have missed a roasty it was a bit of a shock.

the group was really interesting today: we had a photo shoot for some international billboards (apparently we're gonna be on broadway - anyone who notices the guy in the orange... that's me), and i met some rather interesting people.

the irony about the two falls tonight is that they're not related to the fact that i began playing again for the first time in over a decade - coasting in the splits, weaving and jumping and hitting silly speeds for urban limitations ;)

night terror

nothing like waking up in the middle of the night, choking on what appeared to be the effect of reactivated cilia (my nose was blocked when i went to bed, so i used a spray) and wondering if i was going to make it. i've just flicked through a copy of a pop-up book of nightmares at the mall, and my post-dream reality was worse than the traditional ones :/

that was the last late wake-up for the week, and that makes me kinda sad.

...

after an awkward discussion this morning, i'm left wondering what kinds of things israelis get incarcerated for. the prevailing attitude where i was is that incarceration in this country is generally hypothetical, and that doesn't sit with me as i know someone (not a friend, though) who did quite a bit of time...

nystire called me back, we seem to understand each other concerning his sister, and with regards the rest of the week he left me with instructions that were surprisingly simple to carry out :)

the lecturer arrived really late this morning, which meant lots of minesweeper and solitaire after catching up on news and comics :P
when he did start the day, he may as well have been talking to the wall. he just rambled on and on, and i don't think i would have noticed when he eventually tackled the point. apparently i got everything, though - i ended up helping the others when it was time to sit on the exercises :P

the two guys behind me were incapable of whispering. incapable of understanding the concept of whispering. "lowering your voice" is not the same, because the bass carries and that's more annoying than just talking normally :S

i was forced into a strong cup of coffee - my system was crashing and i had no choice. it took another two cups to get me through the afternoon, and i think that may be a part of the reason i'm exhausted now. and we seriously over-ate at lunchtime.

on the way back from lunch, i ran into someone i worked and studied with many years ago, whose .net project i had to rescue in 2005. we had a nice chat, and i consider it more networking: he's doing something that might help me in the hopefully-near future :)

the final exercise was provided in two flavours - c and c++. because the results had to be the same, those of us who chose c had to implement object-orientated code manually, which i have to admit to having enjoyed :$

...

the guy i agreed to meet got the buses confused, so i had a few minutes to kill chatting with the hardware dude. i had to leave in mid-sentence, and i'd been having trouble expressing myself so tomorrow i'm going to have to catch him and restart the thought :S
i hate my lack of verbal communication skills.

i passed along my p5 glove so it can be experimented on - i'm ashamed that i haven't played with it after buying it more than two years ago - and then rushed off to dizengof center to pick up my picture. it hadn't been printed yet, so i had to kill some time. i found a relatively cheap massage pillow (great for shoulders!), which i bought and wrapped as a gift for her mom's birthday present. if my mother tells me it's a good idea, i'll buy another one for myself :)

the picture came out beautifully - except for a tiny scrape in the middle that must have been a result of an air-bubble in the glue. i cannot express my disappointment... the guy was cool about it, though, and they'll re-print it tomorrow. he looks to be into the trance scene, and he seemed to like the story behind it :)

i walked into "the black hole" on my way home, and bought two enya discs, the celts and the memory of trees. i then stopped by coffeeholic for a sandwich, but the chef was in an odd mood and the talkative one did a good job of putting me into one too.

i called up her grandmother, after hearing this afternoon that she underwent an operation this week that was a lot more serious than she'd anticipated. at least it went smoothly, and she's feeling a bit better. nothing worse than medical surprises.

...

w00t! my ktorrent started working! now i can happily continue seeding the great space chase :)
and my copy of the magic pudding has arrived, as well! ^_^

i'm a bit tired, actually. but i must blade.

juice - dress - child

today i learned how to write "pirate monkey" in hiragana (kaizoku no saru).
so "go roo!" said in hebrew means "monkey" in japanese :P
transration of the day: "in climax, your friends can touch your privates" (in c, friend classes have access to private members)

today can be broken down into three major pieces:

oil of nystire

i walked into the classroom this morning, to find nystire half-asleep and looking his usual chirpy morning self. it was only after he'd already gotten out a sarcastic response that he turned his head slightly, and i could see the scrapes and remains of blood on the side of it... he'd had a nasty morning, and fainted while throwing up.

i suggested he see a doctor, but in addition to being a trained medic he's also one of the most obscurely obstinate people i've ever come across. he was going to see the doctor, but only around lunchtime.

just after the lecture began, he swung his seat and his shirt that was draped over it rubbed against me. "odd," i thought, "it's cold. it feels kind of wet."

he'd had to wash vomit out of it. i'm a bit fussy about hygiene, so that was kind of uncomfortable for me... anyway, the morning was mostly uneventful, with him rushing off a couple of times but claiming to be more or less alright.

...

his crazy sister called me up during lunch, after he'd been driven to the city officer. when i called her back, i learned that he'd been admitted to hospital. i was then accused of either causing his fall, or not being a good enough friend to help him up. she put down the phone without giving me a chance to explain that i hadn't been there, but she'd instantly put my back up and i hadn't really felt like i needed to be defending myself anyway.

a quick flurry of sms'es later, and she sent me a message threatening me if i didn't stay away from her or her family. this is a girl who's been harrassing me for ages, and last week couldn't understand why i didn't want her sleeping over.

in my anger i sent nystire a message saying that if he didn't intervene we could all be ending up in court over restraining orders and defamation claims (she's too stupid to understand 90% of what i say, and she took to making unpleasant and untrue claims about what kind of person i am). in my anger, i accidentally sent her a copy too - and then realized that i didn't really care.

i've been angry and agitated and brooding since. i can't believe my fantastic mood lasted all of two days. the mood was set by being surrounded by happy, accepting people who were just being people, and ruined by someone who's stupid, bored and looking for a fight.

the costume dept.

i spent a large part of the morning contemplating potential costumes for thurday's party and halloween. i came up with too many options and not enough methods to implement them:
ninja, pirate, clown, cowboy, fairy, surgeon, farmer, unicorn, elf / santa claus... these are all fantastic options to go over my ski mask and overalls.

coming up with a halloween costume is more complicated - it has to be inhuman, or ghoulish. the awesome girl working the alternate freak shop (there are two of them?! i walked out of the first one with body-paint, at least) had me wearing the firestarter-wig and a tiger mask, which looked awesome but somehow didn't gel for spirits. i might still go for the tiger mask, but i did walk out with the wig because it matches the rest of the ski-mask outfit. i'm thinking about dressing my orange man as either a clown or a pirate. heck, while i was there i even bought smiley-face party hats and a blowout so big i can catch things with it.

and the idea of a chef with a cleaver popped into my head, too :)
i'm thinking of taking a cheap costume, like a cape and the recorder, and trying to convince someone at random to take over for a while and then pass it on in the same manner. i wonder if that could work?

kiddie meals

i had lunch with the kid, and we both ate too much. i'll be going back there tomorrow, although he'll have begun journeying back to the university. he's gotten me really interested in working with his company, and has promised to arrange me an interview the second i get out of uniform :)

---
i realized this morning that i'd left a bag at the hardware store last night. that made me feel a bit silly.

i ran into a cute girl from last year's course on the bus this morning, and was pleasantly surprised when she bounced over to kiss me on the cheek. any signs of affection are problematic in uniform, so i must assume that my blissful post-party aura is fairly powerful ;)

sunglasses: i searched through the oakley website today, and found a pair i like. *really* like. at the mall this evening, i found a store where it was explained to me that for only 150% of the site price (after her special, just-for-me reduction) i would be covered by a two-year warranty.
and i understood from her that replacing the broken arm of my current ones would cost me about 70% of that price, so i may as well go new.

i don't know so much. it's time to research some more.

on my way home, i passed a synagogue desperate for me to help out with a minyan (ten males who've passed their rite-of-passage). i was actually quite happy to. i've actually contemplated going there once or twice, and now that i've been they seem like a nice enough bunch. it was kind of weird praying and keeping my idea of god in mind.

strangers - i sent the photo of myself and that girl from saturday to my printer, then made the rounds of all the photo shops on the way to compare prices. i get the best, apparently. and they let me sit on one of their machines to photoshop a border and title onto it :)

i walked into a very, very cool store (that i keep forgetting exists!), and discovered books there that almost made me drool. it's like a hidey-hole for witches and wizards, filled with wonders and charms and pop-ups dictionaries of evil and warlock's handbooks, all cradled in the loving branches of a completely unnatural [hah, i could even get away with "supernatural" and it'd be technically correct] fey-forest :D

---
i'm starting to chill out a bit, and the dark psy-trance is helping. it would've been easier if i'd played frisbee and had a beer, but karnaf's not up to it tonight and nystire's crazy sister will probably be at the only bar i feel like going to. i need to find a local.

speaking of music, i bought a terranoise cd this morning because i was blown away by terranoise - strange blue crystal :)

the two-second logo

i can't believe i'm up so late again... this time, because i was writing the draft concept for the project.

i quite like the logo i've made, even though i could definitely have invested more time and effort... maybe later :P

vitamin deficiency

and by vitamin, i mean that i'd barely consumed food between friday and today's lunch, and we're including about thirteen hours of working out that needed to be made up for. last night i figured it was just a hangover (i *had* consumed a lot of alcohol), and this morning just regular tiredness and dehydration. nystire reminded me that i have a problem with low blood pressure (which is always the last thing to come to mind), and it took a lot of water and two really strong cups of coffee to get me through (barely functional) until the afternoon.

but i don't care - yesterday's stomping made it all worth it ^_^

speaking of which, i can't get the crazy girl out of my head - slutty pumpkin?

it's funny, but i've been more active in the last two or three months than i have in the last five years - i'm quite proud with myself for finally getting back to having some fun :)

some extra sleep would've been good this morning - we began a three day course in herzeliya, and we all arrived more than an hour earlier than we needed to :(
to make that worse, i had a spinach pastry for breakfast and it was horrible. it did put me in a position to run into the kid on his way to work, though - i visited his office afterwards for a quick chat, and the thought occurred to me that maybe it's a good place to interview at when i'm done.

my ex-team-mate called me up this morning - i have a ticket to a hebrew production of a midsummer night's dream in ten days ^_^

lunch: you shouldn't use a square bowl for soup.

nystire and i opened the visualization project we've been talking about, using google's code. i've begun drafting the outline for the planning - quite exciting. i'm really going to enjoy collaborating with him - it may be frustrating, but there's nothing better for a project than to be picked apart until every issue has been argued over and resolved.

i couldn't go to training, i didn't have the strength for it. after the day's course exercises were done (i think they were a bit too straightforward and simple), i went to the kid's office and then caught the bus back to tel aviv. i stopped off at the hardware dude for a visit, and passed through the toy store looking for inspiration. i bought a recorder (green, plastic and pied-pipery), and ten little toy-gun flashlights :)
i also got a cool green light for the entrance, and replacement water filters - i've been using the same one since april :$

i ran into icg on the way home, we started and finished an extremely short and amiable chat, and i've been eating and 'netting while the laundry's been going. karnaf called, i think i may have disappointed him by telling him how good the party was... he was in two minds on friday about joining :/

i've installed ktorrent, after nystire fixed the port problem i was experiencing:
UPNP - Universal Plug and Pray - Allows random devices on the network to ask the router to open ports in the firewall and forward the port to them. Useful when used together with BitTorrent programs...
so the port's finally open. unfortunately, neither transmission nor ktorrent are actually moving any data. bummer :(

i just discovered a massive bruise, and i haven't a clue when it's from. i hope it's nothing serious, meaning i hope it's just a bruise :P
almost on topic - i have learned that in israel, waxed dental floss is always too thick to fit between teeth. that's just stupid.

i may not have torrents, but enichkin - the light of reason just came on the radio so i guess that's compensation for the meanwhile ;)

swordschool found something weird: this man

munchkin hangover

i managed to pull myself out of bed, go shopping, and almost be a decent host while i was in an extremely vulnerable state. we had a good intro game of munchkin, which i won by managing to keep control of the plot device, and i've just finished tidying up and doing the dishes.

it has definitely been a full day. i keep staring at the photo of myself and the other crazy - i'm pining :P

almost forgot! random thoughts from people our age, although a lot of them hold true for all generations :)

reparations

the fresh festival was absolutely insane!!!

getting there was complicated... it involved spilled beer, a harrowing ordeal with a bunch of asshole cops (hanging around bad signage for a no entry, and while we were there another five cars were stopped too), and nearly getting lost.

we set up the tent - a really, really dodgy tent - and went to see what was happening. i didn't get more than a few steps in before the music caught me up, and i was a goner for the next hour or two, just going nuts on the dancefloor.

i was quite surprised by the crowd - the place was packed, thousands of people, loads of gorgeous, crazy girls, and everyone was having a good time... that never happens in israel!

i crashed for an hour or two pre-dawn, waking up freezing but with my neck feeling a little better. i fixed that almost immediately, by bouncing back in and grabbing myself a cup of coffee. aside from a break to swim, and an hour's nap around lunchtime because my legs were giving out, i spent the day (until they closed up at 2pm) digging away, going completely nuts and having a wonderful time ^_^

after the swim, and meeting our neighbours, i went back in wearing the overalls closed, the ski mask and my hat. the outfit went down incredibly well, so much so that a beautiful girl dressed up in a different-type-of-crazy outfit came over and we danced at each other for a while... and i got invited to a private party, on condition that i dress the same :P

i crossed a line - there was a girl i simply couldn't take my eyes off (pretty face, fantastic body, amazing pixie outfit and stunningly artful and tasteful tattoos), and i tried to speak to her on the dancefloor. that was really stupid of me :/

it was a bit silly of them not to publish or announce the line-up, nobody has a clue who played or when. to be fair, though: during the twelve hours or so that i was on the dancefloor, the music was mind-blowingly brilliant and driving.

my new party pants proved their cheapness - i'm rather glad i was wearing them over my swimming trunks, because otherwise i might have had cause for embarrassment.

i'm a little sad that my sunglasses have seen their last.

i can barely hear, my neck's screwed, i'm astounded and impressed that my legs are holding up, and i'm definitely getting into bed. even if it's only for a little while :P

that was hands-down the best party i've seen in this country in many years, and i'm exceedingly glad that i made it :D

israeli consideration

it's a time problem that most israelis suffer from: they can't tell it. at 6pm the guy said 8.30, which is definitely too little sleep to wake up from. it's now 10pm, and i've just been told 11. if i'd have gone to sleep at 6 - and i was most certainly tired enough - that would've been five - six hours post-training.

i needed that.

instead, i've been keeping myself awake watching house. and even half an hour now will keep me down :S

in the middle of a 39-hour stretch

i must have done something right - waking up at 9am wasn't easy this morning ^_^

i began with the post-office, picking up my delivery of "life prep 101" (the fitzgerald translations of the iliad and the odyssey, edith hamilton - mythology and aristotle - poetics), then bought nice wedding present letter paper, and continued on to breakfast at coffeeholic.

it was a bit awkward explaining to the guy who let me down last week that i wasn't going to take a chance with him again... he did give me a fair explanation of the events that transpired, though. on my way back home to get ready to travel up north for the weekend, i called my cousin from the kibbutz to make sure we were still on - and lo, we weren't. too many people decided to visit them this week, leaving me with nowhere to sleep.

"interesting," i thought, "what if?"
so i went back to coffeeholic to double-check that tonight is definite, then called up the guy for the tickets: he was on his way to return the unsold pre-sales to the organizer. i managed to catch him in time to get hold of one ^_^

i visited the hardware dude, surprised to find a sweet girl from our rollerblading group hanging about - i didn't know she's from our neighbourhood, and knowing her scored me security watch over her kid while she shopped :P

i bought wood glue - i'll try to fix books with it some other day - and then returned home to prep for taekwondo. i arrived in time to have a chat with our instructor, who was glad that i finally made it clear to her why i haven't been able to match the kids for punctuality and remembering korean.

training was great, although i returned into my discomfort zone towards the end; a pity, because my back was doing alright this morning. i was disappointed to meet the really cute girl's husband on the way out. other than that, it was the second time i trained with a groin protector, and i managed fine right until the last half hour. two and a half hours doing alright with it, including the warm-up, gives me confidence. i think it's a good idea.

i got a sandwich on the way, had a shower when i got back, and have now caught up online and packed for the party [and rescued a pick from my guitar's innards, that was quite embarrassing]. we're supposed to be off in an hour or so :D
[shite - i need to do some shopping too]

xkcd puts is succinctly: the freakiness of our age

i think i'm going to do skijar again this year.

swedish saving grace

låt den rätte komma in is beautiful, romantic, different - and most of all, human. i thoroughly enjoyed it, even though the beginning was a little too slow and quiet for my state (i was tired and after a beer, and had to keep forcing myself awake until things started pulling together).

there were a couple of points where a lot of us laughed - almost inappropriately, the director has an excellent sense of irony :)

aggravated damage

it's becoming a thing: i fell asleep before turning off the air-conditioner. i woke up freezing at 5.25, which didn't leave me enough time to warm up before having to jump out of bed and get going. at least i had wired accompaniment, and i managed to kip a little on the buses.

most of the workday was agonizing, it's the first time i've used a piece of software and it has a really non-intuitive interface; it took hours to realize that it was working fine and that the problem lay with me :/

on the way to lunch, we heard a terrible story - the zoo in gaza didn't have a zebra, so they painted donkeys instead. this is as sad as it is amusing... the experts who called in to the radio were explaining that the donkey is actually a really intelligent animal, and that's the reason it's so stubborn. weird, huh?

i discovered this afternoon that i haven't even touched the surface of the things i need to familiarize myself with in order to dm. dammit.

on the plus side, i finished something important in my side-project, and have already begun tidying and rewriting. i'm actually having fun doing it, too. it always feels better when it's planned :)

towards the end, something was buzzing around me but i wasn't going to allow myself the distraction. it turned out to be an asian tiger mosquito, and it got me good - particularly on the face. when i got to the bus stop, there were swarms of them. that's a sight to make one lose faith in our species' superiority...

i walked out of my apartment without enough free hands, so i had the apple held in my teeth. just then, two good-looking neighbours walked i... hilarity ensued :P

i must own a tengu. i understand that that's a big name.

the bus ride was irritating - packed as usual, but with a couple of idiot kids being really loud and quite disgusting. i think i'm feeling my age.

...

i walked in an hour late, which is the usual, and our instructor gave me shit about it. there was no better way for her to put me in a kak mood, frustrated and angry, but i was glad for the excuse to give more than i had.
unfortunately, one of the kids wasn't in fight mode, and it looks like i hurt him :(
i couldn't figure out if it was his pride or something physical.

training with groin protection is uncomfortable as hell.

i got a ride back to tel aviv - unfortunately, the driver is not only young and apparently untested, he's also really aggressive and drives wildly - an accident looking to happen :@

...

showered, eaten, and on my way to låt den rätte komma in. two vampire movies in two days, and i've just discovered someone from training who's into the masquerade ^_^

vampiric

the movie was great! i really enjoyed it ^_^
i find that watching any vampire movie imbues me with a sensation of dark grace. i like it.

i discovered an interesting feature of the n95 - if someone's calling me, i can send an automatic message saying i'll get back to them and the missed call is still displayed. that's very useful.

turned out to be the chef, and it turned out to have to do with his danish friend - apparently there's dating potential. we shall see.

nystire's crazy sister called me up, looking for a place to stay the night. considering the fact that after the longest time that i've been saying "no" she still hasn't gotten the message, i figured that that would end badly. so i let it end badly before she came to the city. if got a very eloquent "**** you" as thanks for my troubles.

edith hamilton - mythology is wonderful, and i'm still in the middle of the foreward :)

i haven't a clue what made me think of bravestar this morning :P

no voltage

i *never* know how i do it; i arrived on time this morning. i even managed a disgusting army breakfast before getting to the office and having to wait about an hour for someone to open the damn door :P

oh, well - milton and a few extra winks went down alright. the first couple of hours were lost bringing the systems to a useable state - it started fine, then the electricity went. we thought that they'd cut the power to the wrong building, but it turned out to be a ups failure :S

i made minimal progress before lunch, but did brush up a bit on d&d; lunch was alright, and was completed with about an hour of instructing my TL and a system engineer on the need to find a balance between the american way of suing everyone and the israeli way of giving up immediately.

after a long and educational (for the others) chat about south africa, we got back to work.
work: sitting around chatting (TL sanctioned) and napping.
the coffee break post-chat was mandatory, the coffee itself was great. then my ex-team-mate sat with me on my side-project to teach me a few nuances in c# and convinced me that a redesign is in order.

...

uh, oh.

...

we got a ride back to tel aviv, which was spent convincing the driver to try larping. i would join in the demo games here, but my hebrew's definitely not good enough to enjoy it fully.

but i do have a ticket to rosencrantz and guildenstern are undead, so i'm going back to icon in a bit anyway :)

pretty numbers

synesthesia, a phenomenon i've experienced temporarily, talked about a lot, and can comfortably connect to my rambling theorizing. an interesting video. that one woman definitely needs to get her teeth sorted out.

i did some shopping and eating after posting (the fridge is full for the first time in a week or so), then bladed off. again with the compliments in the street coming from men only - why can't the women take the same strides? the last couple of months of exercise appear to be improving my aesthetic quality :P

i met up with the mongoose, and we had a good chat even if it only lasted a couple of minutes. one of my co-workers rocked up, and we set out with the group.

the group was great, i've begun to get to know a fair amount of the people in it, and the route was comfortable. i did babysit quite a bit - it was his first time and he wasn't too sure of himself. it's hard work for a beginner :)

i just got back, and as usual am cooling down before showering. ice-cream helps. i hate bananas that are perfect but with sticky skin.

renewed, somewhat

i approximated this morning that i have waited in the hot sun for my ride for more than two entire days as accrued over a period of half a year. that's a lot of discomfort.

aside from back distraction - this morning saw me no better than usual - and finally finishing sophocles i, i began my attempts to learn hiragana and fought over the usefulness of a shared outlook folder.

gremlins wreaked havoc on my workday - the strangest thing has been happening lately. usually, it's personal, but lately every time something goes wrong it turns out to be going wrong for everyone else as well. that makes it difficult to take personally.

binary numbers are annoying me. i'm dealing with negative fraction conversions in both directions, and i haven't wasted brain-space on this in years.

i got back home early, took issue with the rum (i think i'm developing a problem, and i don't think the rum is helping), reached the understanding that the next trance party i go to will most likely be in south africa, and got marilyn manson - coma white stuck in my head for the walk to watch the gamers: dorkness rising.

that's the first time i've laughed out loud in a theatre in a very, very long time, and what made it even better was the raucous laughter from all around me. they really made a great film ^_^

on my way out i bought two tickets for låt den rätte komma in - that's thursday night's, and i'm contemplating going to see rosencrantz and guildenstern are undead. i just watched a bit of the trailer... and advise against watching it and instead seeing the movie :)

i bought a cheap copy of edith hamilton - mythology and the book of frank herbert (about ten short stories). then i walked home, and i now have an hour to go before i return to the cinemateque on wheels.

four-legged yapping

district 9 was fantastic.

i passed out while reading with the air-conditioner on, and was woken repeatedly by phone-calls that i was less than capable of answering. eventually, around midnight, i managed to drag myself off the couch to shower and brush my teeth, and have just woken up... sore as usual, exhausted, and bothered by whatever intangible has been getting to me over the last week or so.

whatever it is definitely includes the fact that the water pressure in my shower has dropped in the last couple of days, that my party planning has been going awry and that i haven't a clue how to manage the rest of the week. things just aren't gelling.

strange sensitivities

it's either alcoholism or an up-and-coming identity crisis. it's the sort of inexplicable aggravation that requires any form of meditation.

this suit session is over, probably to be continued next week. i feel like a complete jerk for having told my commander - so tomorrow's a workday, instead of a free holiday :P

i decided to go back and buy the battlestar galactica box set before entering two lectures, and was so disappointed to discover that somebody else had gotten there first that i just came straight back.

grumpy, edgy, and in the middle of district 9. at least i'm going to get through the rest of it, it's even more excellent than i expected.

mission not-bloody-likely

watashi wa ugokimasen - nebusoku desu
i feel horrible, and even more so for having kipped for an hour. the bus after the one i missed was jam-packed this morning, so i couldn't rest my eyes (and i was being talked at by someone i once studied with), and the man in the suit made me wait.

*has strange thoughts concerning television's role in shared meditation*

*contemplates the potential for documentary activism*

the meeting wasn't very long, and i was sent home for a break. watching some of district 9 didn't help me fall asleep, and once i did begin passing out my world began spinning... but i don't have a temperature, so i must be fine. right?

now i'm unprepared for the rest of the day.

did i say sod it?!

eyeborgs: freakin' AWESOME! gritty, amusingly cast, and downright mean - this is my favourite sci-fi of the year. and to think i almost stayed at home :)

i have only one snide comment, which is caused by the writers' lack of foresight to have the script read over by any 14 year-old with internet access. it's hardly noticeable, and most certainly doesn't damage such a great movie, but the instant i heard it it set my teeth on edge.

must - see!

humourous addition:
one of the icon projectionists jumped over to sit next to me; i think he was disappointed when i didn't flirt back :P

grossly unfortunate

it was the realization that i was missing out on an excellent deal that got me to launch myself out of my apartment and power-walk back to icon in the [vain] hope that the disc stall would still be operating.

no dice.

running on autopilot - i was already here - i purchased a ticket and went in search of frozen yoghurt to fill the half-hour gap.

twisted luck

and neighbourly. explanation to follow.

the day started rough, i slept horribly and there's nothing like an aching neck and exhaustion to get one going. in a daze i shaved, breakfasted, brushed teeth, put on my uniform... i shouldn't have gone in uniform... and took the bus.

as i got there my mum called, and our chat put me in a good mood. i grabbed a cup of coffee, and bumped into the man in the suit. we went to sit in a coffee shop - which meant i had to toss the coffee... anyway, the day went from there to becoming dreary and argumentative. i don't think we understand each other, but i'm trying and he seems to be so there's not much more to be done there.

i was completely wiped out and sore by the time i was released, and then had to suffer the stupid bus arrangement (the area i was in sucks). eventually i landed a useful bus, and started passing out inelegantly. i started coming around in time to get out at my stop, made my way home, and lay down on the couch to rest and watch house.

an earpiece of my sunglasses had broken (nine years of abuse, it kind of figures), so i went past the hardware store for some cyanoacrylate. from there i went to the cinemateque:

icon!!

the first thing on the list was extreme disappointment - the tickets to the screening of district 9 were all sold out :(
when two friends arrived, they gleefully expressed their excitement that they'd bought in advance... i still don't know why they didn't think to call and say "hey - want one too?"...

i almost bought a second-hand battlestar galactica - season four (plus razor), but compared the price on ebay and figured it was completely disproportionate. now that i've done some more research, i think it was a good deal and i hope it's still there when i go back now to watch eyeborgs. [at least, i *think* i'm going back, i'm starting to feel broken.]

after a break for sushi, nystire and i made it back in time for a round of browsing, and i bought sláine - the king; lots of cash, but i was unable to resist. there's so much incredible stuff there!

ooh! i have a ticket to a screening of the gamers: dorkness rising on tuesday! ^_^

with lots of excitement we all gathered for the opening ceremony, which was great (the camerie orchestra played the indiana jones theme and the imperial march, and a parliament member was booed off stage after harping about the bright side of city planning :P

i rushed back home, remembering that my old neighbour had told me he had a copy of district 9 for me... and found his wife and a bunch of others from the building sitting around outside. i had a cup of coffee with them, took the disc home, returned for hot chocolate and an amusing meeting with the hardware dude... our neighbourhood rocks.
i even had a sweet run-in with a cute girl in my building :)

[naaah, sod eyeborgs - i haven't left myself enough time to get there comfortably]

one in three lights

watching the prisoner and house didn't do anything for my restlessness, so i left for a walk. i eventually ended up in a really nice little park, feeding the mosquitoes and laughing at myself, at my hopelessness concerning the next three days i'll be spending with the man in the suit.

my mother mentioned c c cummings, and i've decided i really like him.

aging
i close my fist
and feel a surge
i open my hand again
first feeling,
then seeing
a shimmering
a tingling
an aura of power
which will fade as i grow older

the danish will conquer all

on the way to the beach, i ran into my old neighbour - so i sat down at cafe arlozorov to debate and argue with the group over a guinness. from there i headed to the hilton beach, to sit over a couple of beers with karnaf and repeat my findings (he's doing his master's in philosophy, so it was actually called for this time), and we proceeded with an awesome frisbee session in fantastically clear water.

i was going to sit down at coffeeholic and continue to read sophocles i, but i ran into one of the regulars on the way and he decided to join me. if i was a brass monkey my ears would have fallen off already. the saving grace for the evening was the chef being paid a visit by a beautiful danish girl, who was a lot of fun to talk to. i don't know if they're together - but i hope not. i sent him a message that i hope conveys that without causing offence :P

the bad astronomer and i appear to agree - i just posted a link to my take in his comments, i hope phil reads it :)

while on bad astronomy links - this one on clairvoyance is highly amusing

a beautiful yet slightly choppy look at black holes

disappointment at the nowhere

i didn't sleep very comfortably... it's 11am, and i still haven't been called. i guess that means that i can give up on the plans to bounce to shift today.

i checked my mail today - my credit card's been cancelled! and it only took half a year and resorting to barbarism! and i received a receipt for a donation i made to the university... a small amount, and it's kind of embarrassing that they made a bit of a fuss about it. i did the math on wednesday evening, and i gave about a quarter of the average donation :$

maybe i should take a book to the beach.

tacked on:
something yesterday reminded me of an incident that occurred when i was very young, an incident that had a profound effect on my behaviour.
i was sitting in front of the computer, when i heard glass breaking downstairs. i decided that whatever had happened - not my problem. i carried on doing whatever i was doing. a short while later my mother, freaked out, caught me up and chewed me out: someone had thrown a brick through our kitchen window.
the thought that someone could have been hurt hadn't even occurred to me, and i was deeply ashamed. since then, i cannot bring myself to say "someone else's problem", the second that i've noticed something's gone awry i either have to deal with it, or feel terrible about having to let it go.

miscalculated hours

i made it to the last night of techno on the roof - and i made it at the right time, when there were people digging and good tunes. it was really hot, and the stairs were a bit of a bitch, but it was a good way to throw an hour. probably shouldn't have had the second drink, though :P

i managed to catch a shuttle home, and went to bed having set both alarms to wake me up before 1am. i don't know how i managed to get up, as i was completely bombed - and waited for the call.

an hour later, and i sent a message inquiring as to our status - a short while after that the guy called me: the plan was to go in the morning. dammit. now i've been online for ages, having discovered lots of stuff in a dream-state, so i'm going to post linkage and get back to full dream-mode.

on data and us: this is really pretty

from tycho:
gyromancer: should i be concerned that i've only ever played the initial trial of bejeweled? this game looks pretty cool.
freaky avalanche video: damn.

what are the chances that i'd glance at the news for the first time in ages, to find that it's time for the ignobel prizes?!

an indie series on comic weenies? cute.

going to bed now. i hope i didn't annoy the dude, i really wanna go hear shift :/

the little homo

i was in a fantastic mood after getting the last post out - i still don't know if that was a smart move or a stupid one. i'm terrified that someone would try to steal it (on the assumption that anyone out there appreciates it, of course), but at the same time i'm really proud of where i've come to and i'd be glad if it were disseminated.

i went out for my usual friday's "breakfast against the clock", had the beef parisian and starting flipping through an introduction to poetry that someone (i suspect the lecturer) donated to coffeeholic's bookshelf. i didn't have much time before training, so i skipped off to steimatzky to see what they'd saved for me.

robert sabuda has published peter pan, and it is unbelievable!! i really like the girl there, she's so glad to find good homes for the truly wonderful ^_^

while i was there, i invested in a couple of dictionaries: french and japanese. i wonder if i'll manage to learn katakana and hiragana soon... i also bought the addictionary, because it looks like fun and the army was paying for the whole thing ;)

i grinned all the way back to coffeeholic - running into egg (no more than a wave hello) - to show off the pop-up. everyone was amazed and awed, and the lecturer cracked me up: "oh! i'd forgotten the little homo!". for a second i couldn't figure out if she was referring to me, to her son, to robert sabuda... then it suddenly hit me that she was commenting on peter pan. the importance of context and expectations :)

on the way to training i called up my guy for tickets to tonight's festival (protoculture and rinkadink) - only to discover that it's been moved to next weekend! how screwed up is that? i moved all my plans around it :S
i stopped by coffeeholic again, secured transport to both the festival and another party tonight that i hadn't heard of (shift's playing! ^_^), and then rushed off to the center.

the training today was hard. as in, i had to lie down with my feet up towards the end of the warm-up because my body just couldn't take it any more. we proceeded with insane work on the focus pads (i'm amazed i can still walk, actually) and then finished off with forms. i had an opportunity to take one of the yellow belts aside and teach him about strike completion, and was amazed to discover that the really cute girl who's training with us is the little one's mommy...

i'm about to eat something, then head off for drinks and trance on the roof. i won't be there too long, though - i have to be ready to head out at 1am ^_^

brownies - am i real is deeply playing in the background :)

on realities; the base of the omnipotent

what is truth to a creature that derives meaning where none exists?

i begin my argument facing a terminological quandary: the definition of reality.
i choose to talk separately of a "universal reality" and a "personal reality", although for most people these concepts are inseparable and inviolate. universal reality consists of facts, whereas personal reality consists of interpretations.

to illustrate the difference, let us take the example of the word "painting".
as a physical artifact, the word describes a material with colour on it. in a world of facts, we cannot distinguish forms and colours, nor the intent with which those colours were placed. colour itself is the interpretation of a returned wavelength, rendering the visual quality of any item imaginary. what we are left with in universal reality is an item that humans may or may not look at.

to clarify: the object "painting" has no meaning in the absence of a personal interpretation with which to derive it.

i feel i must specify here that nowhere in this text will i imbue the word "meaning" with "higher purpose". this is not a discussion of spirituality.

we are objects, flesh and bone, and interact with other objects.
in universal reality, these interactions occur without narrative. two humans making noises at each other does not indicate communication - we can see this in the case of two humans speaking different languages. a human who gets on a bus is not necessarily going anywhere - from the perspective of universal reality there can be no concept of past or future, only a continuous stream of physical states.

universal reality is not something humans beings can be comfortable conceptualizing, so we're going to move our focus onto magic and miracles instead.

the human brain performs two very important functions that form the basis of personal reality. the brain filters the infinite barrage of noise that we are constantly bombarded with to produce pictures, sounds and sensations, and does this through learned interpretation of key signals and symbols that exist in both the universal and personal realities.

once the input has been reduced to manageable parts through the filtering process, the brain compiles the data and interprets a picture of the universe. it is this interpretation that develops a subjective entity ("self" - i ignore memory here, and refer to an instantaneous "self". think amnesia.) and a complete universe to go with it.

the interpretive and filtering functions are "history": learned patterns that provide the ability to understand the present.

let us redefine a Very Big Word without actually changing its meaning: the complex mechanism that each of us possesses to construct our personal realities is god. god created your universe, without god there is no meaning. without your personal reality as an overlay to the universal reality, there can be no meaning to your existence nor any experience of it.

this is not to say that one's personal reality isn't "true": quite the opposite, one's personal reality is completely real and always true and accurate, regardless of its intersection with the universal reality, and with no obligation to intersect in any way with the personal realities of others.

the wonder of god is that the entire process is completely transparent, authentic and believable. the only "truth" that can be argued over justifiably must be fact based - in other words, must demonstrate a complete disregard for meaning. conversely: any meaning, by sheer virtue of its nature, must be true.

for convenience's sake, i have used the word god - but any concept of godhead fits the bill.
what is important to note is that once a human being has a sense of self, he cannot honestly consider himself an atheist. the statement "there is no god" is derived from the confusion between the universal and the personal.
god exists, god exists only in the personal, god is the personal.
one's personal reality is one's entirety, essentially inseparable from one's world-view. one's reality is real, and god is involved every step of the way.

in order to successfully communicate there must be - if not real, then at least perceived - overlap between personal realities. not having overlap makes for a frustrating and futile experience; to create overlap requires cognitive contamination.

this poses both a problem and its solution. when we doubt something, we automatically seek confirmation from external sources. any external source with regards meaning is inherently subjective, and so we either prove or disprove higher-order concepts based on levels of cognitive contamination and majority rule.

it is impossible to force change in another's personal reality via communication, and so we resort to communication on the level of universal reality, which almost invariably manifests as violence.

on the other hand, we are blessed with an imaginary utopia in which we can communicate perfectly, and debate and negotiate all our conflicts away.

to take a step back, however, would allow us to realize that neither of these scenarios is necessary. the realization that one's personal reality is accurate and fully real while simultaneously acceptably at odds with universal reality would afford one the understanding required to be truly tolerant of any lack of overlap between personal realities.

of course, if one of two people does not share this understanding, then we can anticipate both cognitive dissonance and a readiness to enforce his personal reality via any means necessary. in this case, tolerance from the one who does understand becomes counter-productive and contest becomes mandatory.

a world in which all humans have very similar personal realities would be utopian, boring and extremely dangerous. we all seek constant confirmation of the accuracy of our perception, and would be forced to either control others' perception (in spite of theirs being entirely valid) or hide our own (again, in spite of ours validity).

this is the outcome of confusion between the two realities, this is the underlying cause of all damage done by both religious and anti-religious institutions.

humans beings will create their own realities, choose their own perceptions of godhead, and this is a miracle and a gift to be celebrated. free will may be debatable, but freedom of choice in perception must be protected at all costs (ideally, provided it harms the least number of other humans).
it is impossible to define sanity or insanity, truth or lies, right or wrong in a universal reality, and understanding that from within our own personal realities might help make the world a better place. or it might not, i most certainly am not in a place to tell the future according to my personal universe.

i can only say for sure that my world is a better place for grasping this, because i've finally found god. and i will fight to my very last to defend my right to choose what i believe.

pop-up peter

something awesome slipped my mind - at the wedding, my phone rang: the girl from the bookstore kept my number and called to inform me that she's keeping a copy of the newly-arrived peter pan pop-up aside for me ^_^

lucky break-away

no shuttle this morning, so i had to bus... usually i'd complain about how much it sucked, but i used the opportunity to begin jotting down the Deep Thoughts that have had me distracted lately.

most of the workday was wasted bureaucratically, some wasted trying to convince our SC not to make an enormously unprofessional mistake, some on the thought of a ferret wearing a gimp mask and a strap-on, a tiny bit on unresponsive equipment, and little bits here and there on work.

two of us broke off early for the train - the guys who promised me i could ride with them didn't come through for me (including my TL) - and we even had a couple of minutes to chat before going our separate ways.

i continued the Big Scribble on the train, finishing just minutes before we arrived. in be'er sheva i had enough time to get to the bus. the driver agreed to let me know when we got to my destination, and i began to fade as soon as i sat down.
i was fortunate to discover that we'd passed my stop as we were pulling out, and the next one turned out to be better for me
:)

after a bit of confusion, i set out in my shiny dress uniform on a mission through a patch of desert, arriving slightly dustier about 20 minutes later, *just* in time for the beginning of the ceremony - an hour before the time on the invite: i'd forgotten i'd been told 5 and not 6... so i made it :)

the ceremony was really pretty, private and in an amazing setting. from there we all moved to the bedouin tent nearby, for an evening of serious drinking, more serious eating, good conversation (and not a little awkwardness), a little dancing (didn't dig the dj)...

i managed to find a ride to be'er sheva at the very last minute, and on our way there was informed that my street happened to be on their route home - SCORE!

i'm definitely crashing hard when i get there.

idiot-girl's a ride

i made it on time, and after a bit of awkward mooching around was well impressed by some of the speeches made. in particular, the president of the idc made a very interesting offer concerning activism (i can't touch it right now, but i'm keen for after my service), and one of my classmates told his very interesting story that i'd never heard before.

then dana berger sang a few songs unplugged (i really like her), and i was on my way out when idiot-girl caught up with me. she offered me a ride, and while i would have preferred the bus i couldn't very well say "listen, i'd rather walk ten minutes and wait half an hour for a forty-five minute bus than get in the car with you".

so twenty minutes of her gasping and reeling over the trivial and i'm home, and now going out on a... "date". i meant to use this time to write something deeper but i didn't have enough of it.

gremlin

apparently dr. pepper is not something that needs to be consumed after midnight.

i woke up around 4am, then at 5am... totally restless. strangely enough, i had energy during the day, but to be fair most of it was spent eating lots of either great or weird food. it began with the section breakfast - best one yet! the cakes and brownies in particular were insanely delicious, and i still can't get over them. we munched until hometime.

another guy in our unit just got back from china, and he brought with him an array of ungodly "sweets". things like spicy chicken-feet (crazy-hot, and a bit icky), all manner of weird-and-wonderfuls (like mini-beef jerky and something really odd that hinted at being troll-cheese), and the new white rabbit - golden something-or-other.

we had to fill out a personal development form today:
"where do you see yourself in a year's time?" out of here
"what would increase your professionalism?" a meaningful raise with no strings attached

my TL hasn't responded yet :P

i made him and another team-mate sit and listen to me read the mediocrity article i mentioned on monday. he complained that there weren't any concrete examples, so i kept giving him examples until he gave up trying to poke holes in it.

lunch: that was the foulest chicken (chicken? i don't know if it was bird-meat, even) i've ever tasted. to make matters worse, the kinder made me laugh as i was swallowing. if it had been liquid it would have come out my nose - i didn't know that solid food could do something similar. it took a minute or two to get my system to calm down, the result of what boils down to having snorted a piece of meat.

most uncomfortable.

nystire and i went shopping for bags (mine's tearing, so i have a new rollerblade / snowboard backpack), and on the way home i began, for the very first time, to explain to someone the new perspective that's been flowing through my brain for the last week or so. i needed to explain it in order to get across a point involving the goddess that required the abolition of certain base assumptions - and i think i eventually succeeded.

at some point i'm going to articulate it in writing, it's an extrapolation of a thought i had in 2002 that's been intertwined with everything i've read and been impressed by recently... i've reached a certain understanding of the concept of truth and reality that begs to be expressed :)

sparklehorse is as cool as wired said it is.

the urban dictionary tells us that twub = cracked out squirrel. good thing for me it's just an acronym ;)

cooling down softly

we did 30km tonight - bringing me to about 100 this week =)

i woke up from a two hour nap wasted and hurting, but i shot down some coffee and joined the group anyway. i'm really glad i did! i'm also glad i thought to take my ski mask, on the fast runs it's begun to get a bit chilly. in fact, i think i broke a sweat once the entire night.

at the last moment i decided to join the smaller group for a breakneck glide down to rokach - freakin' awesome. now i'm preparing to get up in four hours. at least while i was warmed up i got some relief from my back... it's beginning to ache again :/

i got ESRAh - lilith the devil stuck in my head. dig it.

intensity rising, speeding to a halt

one of the vice-presidents of my alta mater passed away today. that's really sad - i wonder how tomorrow's gathering to celebrate the scholarship donations will play out...

the day:
insanity - if it wasn't for the massage chair being stationed at my desk the whole day, i wouldn't have been functional at all. or polite.

waiting in the hot sun, in uniform and wrapped with a hangover for half an hour wasn't a good start. i thought i was going to faint in the car - i actually had to put my feet up to stop swimming :(

the rest of the day was simply slow. i did go past the clinic to discover no fever and higher-than-usual blood pressure (although i was feeling out of it at the time), so no answers there.

the village idiot came back with really engaging stories of china. about a quarter of our section bailed on tomorrow's section breakfast at the last minute.

i just learned that the band is swift - and the girl from last night who told me about them answered favourably this afternoon. interesting.

careful! online dating can go horribly awry

opinion links: more succumbing to terrorism? i hope not.

it's all stopped spinning

but only so that i can feel the pain in my back that much more precisely. i'm going nuts, this muscle is driving me to distraction and it's not getting better :(

wobbly and marked

by any definition, i've had too much to drink.

on the way to the bar, something large, black and with the texture of fresh tar landed on my arm, and i couldn't help but imagine it as a black mark to start the new jewish year. at the same time, i was thinking about the perception of reality... at some point i'll have something palatable to explain it clearly :P

the muse evening was fun, i met what appears to be a nice girl, had a couple of drinks with her, another couple of drinks with some friends, and walked sideways back for what seemed like an eternity.

house-call [meh]

wow - i've done nothing productive today. i watched a couple of episodes of house, but i didn't have the energy to open a book. i'm going out for a drink to make up for it :P
[i mean, i may not be feeling well but i can't do nothing, now can i?!]

artificial blood for all those with an unquenchable thirst and a taste for freedom

defining and defeating mediocrity - from a south african news site? awesome!

28 days later - i advise following the "response to" links to kill bill and forrest gump :)

i think myspace is down... i wanted to hear one of danny gilboa's songs because i woke up earlier with it stuck in my head.

i think i wasn't just feeling sick

i've been completely wasted the whole day, and spent a lot of it sleeping. except when i've been watching commando (the 80's were awesome) and more of the best of whose line is it anyway (some jokes get quite tired, though).

feeling sick combined with a sore back is not cool.

atonement roll

i was on the bus with two cute antipodeans, but they must have figured my attempt to be helpful had ulterior motive. it was then a little awkward that we were all going to exactly the same spot.

i got to the western wall early. very early. i missioned to find something to eat, stopping for an emergency sugar dose and drink when i began to feel woozy. i eventually found something food-like, and consumed most of the dodgy zatar pita bread before deciding that something wasn't quite right with it.

after about 15 minutes sitting impiously opposite the wall, the group began to fade in.

i was terrified before we set out. i hadn't been feeling well the whole day, my back's still giving me trouble and i have what appears to be a broken toe. to make things worse, i overpacked my bag (and i'm not used to blading with one anyway) and i'm uncomfortable with wearing a helmet, no matter how much everyone enjoys seeing me in my tinfoil hat.

speaking of which, i've decided to tell people it's my "invisible hat"... "because whenever i put it on, all my friends disappear".

in spite of all that, i machined through the 70 (70!) klicks, only really suffering the first two uphills and loving the rest. the downhills weren't so bad - i was sorry after the first one because i'd been overly cautious, and the second one showed me that my rollerblades' terminal velocity isn't as great as mine ^_^

out of 70 people, we only had one accident bad enough that it required an ambulance. worse than usual, but not bad considering.

there's something very special about going high-speed on a deserted highway on rollerblades. in terms of perspective it's like coming down a piste :)

i got by on crackers, sugar sticks, two litres of water and two cans of redbull. i think i'm allowed, on account of not feeling well and not being fit enough for the run. 70km is a lot. i have discovered a new appreciation for marathon runners. my feet, knees and all points of contact with my bag are red and sore, the rest of me achy and tired.

but i feel good. i feel... worthy.

i am terrified

listening to mind distortion system - lycantrop isn't helping :P

i'm pretty much packed, i think i may have overdone it (the thermos of rum and hot chocolate, for example), and i'm now off on a "religious" mission - we're about to rollerblade from the heights of jerusalem all the way to tel aviv.

MAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!

an extra painful hour

i'm longing for the magic massage that can free me of a tyrannically unhappy muscle group. the technology to rip it all out and replace it with something less biologically imperfect would be good, too.

i planned on six hours, but all the digital clocks updated themselves automatically and i ended up with seven :P

a peaceful, pretty afternoon

EXCELLENT frisbee (with a good view), and an amazing sunset to boot. the only thing wrong was personal energy, i had a beer before we began but i suspect the general tiredness of the day was more responsible for my occasional lack of mobility than the alcohol :P

i had a jeremiah burger for dinner - really good, and mosied my way back home, picking up awesome vaniglia ice-cream on the way. i watched team america, was shocked that i'd watched it, and entered battle-mode with a couple of giant, wierd, flying black bugs that must have entered the apartment while i was out.

the humour of the tie-in with the movie did not escape me.

i went shopping - mostly in preparation for tomorrow's journey, and tried to watch black cat, white cat but it feels generic and the subtitles are mistimes.

---
unmentioned for a week or so: i'm absolutely loving reading sláine - the horned god again.

there exists a symbolism wiki. i was wondering about my primary red/back images*, and i'm intrigued by what i read. i'm not sure whether i agree with jungian hardcoded symbolism, but i'm not exactly an expert in semiotics.

i almost wrote "hold truck with".

tomorrow being the day of atonement, and my choosing to put my day in the hands of my deity / deities (one day i'll figure out what i prefer), has made me nervous. it also made me think a lot about how we project god onto our realities, and how that allows us to accurately state that "god is everywhere" and "in everything": because we put god there.

* yay - i finally finished it. well, more or less. the point is made, i reserve the right to improve later :)

a cold one

in my crisp, white uniform
and cute little hat
red and gold crosses all around

i stare at my patient
who cannot stare back
his strong, black body
that could easily overpower my tiny frame
and the cold froth seeping over his hard lip
only adding to the boldness of his beautiful visage

i will do my job
i will nurse him
i will consume him
leaving nothing but his memory
in my giddiness

[happy 250, guiness!]

over-under sleep-clean

i woke up groggy from oversleeping around 11am, and cleaned my apartment for the first time in too long. by the time i was done i was feeling considerably agitated, and my back troubles weren't helping.

instead of going shopping and then remaining holed up here, i broke to coffeeholic for serious breakfast and ran into the poetry lecturer i met last week, which was fantastic because i had a couple of things i needed to get off my chest and we entered into a brief yet edifying debate.

it's nice to have nothing special to do for the moment. my biggest struggle is figuring out how to paint a tongue the way i see it in my head... while i know what's going to end up on the canvas won't be it, i want it to at least look good :P

so i've bid on a copy of the magic pudding, and am contemplating have just purchased hardcopies of aristotle - poetics, edith hamilton - mythology, and robert fitzgerald's the iliad and the odyssey (i've decided i quite like him since i've read his translation of the poems in oedipus at colonus).

i didn't know

i didn't know that i could sleep until 3.30am... i'm kinda embarrassed about sleeping more than i've been awake. and now back to bed, after too long spent reading comics.

specifically, i really enjoyed bizarro's homeschooling take. his comments made me think about how i'd deal with the issue.

unfortunately, reading through reader comments had me browsing through awkward family photos.

looking at me

as i'm laid down in my tiny cot
with blue aeroplane mobile and pink butterflies
my head cushioned
by soft, downy dreams
i lie staring through pristine white bars

i lie staring at older me
with my reckless self love
of daring escapades and idle sweetness
flippantly, i grab a bite
off the table, passing sneering snark remark to older me

as younger me strolls out the door
i sigh
remembering resignedly
renewing my focus on my pleasure
of morning brew and last night's news
reading carelessly about older me's pension woes
as i prepare to chase my doom another day

i wait quietly for younger me to call
to ask after me
to bring me news
i wait for a glint in eyes that might see more than mine
to remind me of passions forgotten

i smell that talcum smell
i close my eyes
i rest my head
on those soft, downy dreams
just a little longer

nodding and tapping to art

after finding out car rental possibilities for next week's festival, i went to coffeeholic for breakfast. i took with my japanese phrasebook, but it's not easy to sit there studying it. i did have an inspired idea, though: i'm going to make like those learning hebrew, and put little stickers all over the place to familiarize myself with the kanji.

i took the bus to jaffa, and found the gallery without too much difficulty. in brief: the exhibition is wonderful, with beautiful photography and concepts that made me smile :)

the performance itself was acoustic, and brilliant. i'm a bit upset that the acoustics were great for listening, but terrible for recording... regardless, it was an excellent setting for excellent music. danny gilboa is awesome, and i hope his album comes out soon and that people begin hearing him.

i bussed back to coffeeholic, to nurse a beer and talk back to the future with some of the other patrons, and have returned to... i don't know.

and i like not knowing.

a summary of pain: senility

good heavens! how did i forget to mention a really bad landing during the volleyball, and what appears to be a re-broken toe? left foot, the one next to the pinky toe. it really, really hurts.

a summary of pain

i didn't sleep enough before the sports day.

yesterday morning: volleyball, arbitrary physical competitions (egg races, push-ups, that sort of thing), frisbee, tug-of-war, interspersed with water slides.

afternoon: average lunch, long bus home, visiting the skate store, walking home, blading back, sorting out spare gear for sunday (wheels, bearings, spacers, serious allen-key, blading home (weird coffeeholic chat), hopping on the bus.

evening: taekwondo, solid work in spite of exhaustion. during a fight my opponent landed a full-power kick to my privates, which had me stumbling off to the bathrooms to make sure i didn't need emergency treatment (yeah, it was that bad). improved side kick, though. sleeping on the bus, so groggy by my stop that i knew that going out wasn't a good idea.

this morning: natural early wake-up :( - internet, the gimp (drawing tongues), confusion regarding my flights to south africa... i have to decide whether to try to get some more rest or to go shopping for laces.

define "losing"

for me, a loser is not the person who didn't win, rather the person who didn't give himself a chance to. i'm agitated to be in a loser unit - we don't have enough winners to save us.

aside from that, it was a pretty okay day in the sun - i even managed to teach a couple of self-proclaimed unco-ordinated to play frisbee :)

almost forgot about the water slides - they have a couple of mean ones ^_^

now i think i have to choose between training tonight and donating to an emergency blood drive...

looming

inglorious basterds is as awesome as it looked - i loved it, i loved it even though i watched it alone (although the cute girl next to me was shifting distractingly the whole time), and the only thing that wasn't 100% was a scene that my TL managed to ruin: "i'm not going to spoil anything by telling you that..." is not a wholesome way to begin a sentence.

all props to tarantino for regaining former glory.

the big and freaky news for the day: i got another call from the man in the suit. this time they want me for three days. i couldn't help myself: "is there going to be violence?"
i shouldn't ask that of a man with no sense of humour. speaking of which, a lot of the nazis in the movie reminded me of these guys.

*ahem* i need to say this: if i did actually have anything to hide, i wouldn't be feeling so hurt every time they talk to me. this whole ordeal sucks.

... back to the mundane...

i made it out of my apartment on time this morning. with my phone :P

i was completely exhausted and falling apart all day, even though i got more sleep than usual - it felt like the coffee was broken, so i had to have an energy drink which did no more than stabilize me.

lunchtime saw me arguing with idiot girl, she's absolutely ridiculous. aside from attacking the big lebowski and the fifth element as worthless wastes of time, she made fun of my military career and actually had the audacity to laugh at me. she had absolutely no clue what i've been through and i'm fairly certain i had the right to file a complaint for her behaviour. i wish it hadn't pissed me off as much as it did, it's definitely not smart to let morons get to you.

speaking of the not-so-wise, some girl sent an email to the entire unit with a strange animation attached and an unrelated explanation. i poked fun at her by hitting "reply to all" and telling her that the game she'd sent was broken, which actually got a further "reply to all" with the animation modified. this communication was followed by threats and spam complaints, and i'm amazed that someone else jumped on board with something that could get us all court-martialled :/

work was alright, but since the phone-call invitation i've been distracted. bastards. if they'd called me yesterday i'd still be able to consider studying this year. technically i still can, but i've been thinking it over and it might be best if i save up some cash and store up some knowledge before my great return to academia.

calmly to bed

i couldn't get much sleep, so i went shopping for dinner. i discovered that for the first time in many years, i can turn my neck enough to see behind me without rotating my shoulders!

thank you facebook - i've been watching the best of whose line is it anyway?...

tel aviv rollers was excellent tonight, the weather was comfortable and we had lots of smooth runs. and some very, very foxy ladies. i didn't have sound with me... the entire night, i've had noble brats - the offer looping in my head - great song.

i just got back to find a favourable response to my request for academic deferment, so for the moment that's a chapter complete.

this is the sickest shit i have ever seen! i know what i'm going to be dreaming of tonight - if somebody feels like organizing me a wing suit for my birthday, it will be most welcome ;)

listening to celtic woman on youtube. and liking it.

i don't get it

feeling - disconnected - must - sleep - before - blading

changing razorblades
i keep leaving it too late.

gift giving
the gifts were well received - and everybody loved my bumper stickers ^_^

studies
awesome! i spoke to the secretariat today, and all i have to do is send an email requesting that my file be put aside until next year :)

travel
i'm really, really confused. i hope my mum and my cousin manage to sort out my tickets... apparently having a spare return ticket causes more complex problems than i'd thought possible :(

on the other hand, i've spoken to the kid, and it looks like we're going to do the ucpa thing in february like we did the first time :D

awkward hellos
i'm not alone in my confusion. when someone says "hi!", i say "hi" back. and when someone says "how are you?" my usual response is "fine thanks, and you?". for some reason that question is never answered in this country.

not only is it ignored once reflected back, but if i ask first - as in, "hi, how are you?" - the usual response is "how are you?". this leads to two awkward scenarios. in the first, i have to ask again and we end up in a loop. israelis don't seem to notice and just keep on going. in the second, the conversation continues and i'm weirded out because there was exactly half of a greeting.

yesterday, as i entered the loop with someone, i stopped and asked why he was doing that.
"i don't know," he said, "it used to bug me too. but then i just got used to it."

i'm taking it back. you *WILL* answer me, dammit!

doctor's orders
i renewed my physiotherapy referral, and asked after my exemption. i've just been informed that my slipped disc doesn't provide me exemption from carrying a rifle, in direct contradiction to what i was told when i enquired a few months ago. at least i can help out with the shuttle, now.

no rpg
every week, a different reason why nobody can make the game. and this is the very small group of enthusiastic participants. in other unit news, we're supposed to have volleyball practice tomorrow and nobody really wants to do that, either.

my favourite: "i don't see what you think you can achieve with your practice session... who goes to the beach in the morning?!"

they tell me that i work with the cream of the crop.

contamination

beginning of post: frantic noise and sattwa - zen skies

three hours... and it seemed to be enough. i hope tonight's six will improve things.

a) i strolled onto the right bus this morning - a first in ages - only to get off at the next stop because i'd forgotten my phone. that never happens. and i still had to wait over half an hour for my ride once i got to the station.

b) chatting with the embassy and kibbutz cousin (high excitement over travel plans)

c) i got no work done today, mostly due to my personal goblins wreaking havoc with my pc. we did have some very interesting and amusing discussions, though.

d) i left the base at 13.30 for a 15.30 appointment, and still managed to arrive ten minutes late. the physio session was good, though, and she wrote me a recommendation for the doctor to continue the treatment. favourite moment: "you really don't look like the military type"

middle of post: wizack twizack - the explorer

e) what possessed me to have an ice-cream today - first cornetto since last summer? and why did i need to have the flavour that only had one cone left when there was obviously something wrong with it? why did i continue to open it after discovering that it had been taped shut? what compelled me to guzzle it down, even after suspecting the worst?

f) i came home to make bumper stickers for my TL's new car - highly amusing ones. i called icg to postpone our coffee by half an hour and went to dizengof to print. i was impressed that as far as getting there was concerned i didn't need the buffer, and even more so when their printer started causing trouble and it took about twenty of the spare minutes to get the problems sorted out.

g) the walk down dizengof, turning a very pretty head that was unfortunately attached to a bicycle travelling in the other direction

h) very pleasant coffee with icg, sitting for a good couple of hours enjoying each other's company before she stated that things aren't working out how she'd like. we then sat a whole lot more before going our separate ways

i) bumping into the hardware dude on the corner, and paying him a long visit for a crazy philosophical debate / argument / fight / all of the above, which was a lot of fun

j) *enjoying* reading oedipus the king

end of post: psychoz - burundanga

a long weekend's advantage

i tried to sleep, but i started off badly with scribbling furiously and reading, then slept just enough to discover the possibility that the sleeping position that i've been most afraid of since 2005 might very well be the one way to deal with my neck issues.

i can't verify that, but i'm feeling better!

i took a bus to abraxas, and got there just a few minutes late for the time listed on the invitation. the place was packed! the music for the first hour was very cool, the second hour was on / off. it was only about halfway through the third hour that the noble brats finally went up on stage, and to be honest i thought that they began far too strong for initiates... but lo and behold, people who had no idea what they were in for were blown away!

a cute girl-friend of mine (one of ze germans) and a family-friend of hers rocked up, and enjoyed the show :) i enjoyed their company, too - especially once i managed to free myself from a group of idiot girls who annoyed the crap out of me with their loud, abrasive and generally unladylike behaviour. they were pretending to be "in" with the alternative scene... and failing abysmally. and they wouldn't keep their hands and elbows out of my face.

so: the place is awesome, the performance terrific, the company good (even a couple of coffeeholic people arrived... i don't know if they stayed, though), and we were treated to some very special guest performances as well. the alcohol flowed, the walk back was very pleasant, and i'm extremely pleased with the night.

i'm even okay with waking up in 3.5 hours... but only because today's going to be a half-day - what would i do without physiotherapy?? and icg has invited me for coffee afterwards. i suspect it's time for a final chat (from her side, i'm easy at this point).

from a fantastically fortunate day to a very cool evening, a good start to the jewish new year :)

an impromptu social

boy, am i glad i went to coffeeholic for breakfast - and stayed for four hours... i took my copy of milton, and made some headway while still maintaining fun discourse with the guys working [who agree with me that the karaoke thing is unacceptable], had a quick chat with a really cute member of ze germans, and was then attacked (pleasantly) for a riveting discussion by one of the university's english department. i've acquired "homework" - she brought me a copy of sophocles i :)

one of the guys working took a break, and we had an argument about israelis overseas - as in, whether or not they make good ambassadors. my personal take is that some are great and some are awful, but the other participants weren't so fair-minded and there was quite a bit of antagonism going on. at the end, i actually had to slow down someone who challenged my "israeli-ness", because he didn't realize that the complaints i have stem from my wanting israelis to be represented well, and wanting the inconsiderate ones to be considerate because they're my people. i'm not standing on the outside looking in and pointing fingers. my people, my responsibility.

now to rest for a bit prior to the noble brats performance.

two points of shame

plus mass defriending in facebook - i seem to have ruffled some feathers with last night's remark on a majority's lack of taste.

1. i had psychedelik.com playing last night, and i went into the kitchen to get some orange juice. there was a group of american girls having a cigarette outside, and as i started pouring one asked "what is this music?!"

so i answered... thing is, they can't see through the kitchen window. it was very awkward.

2. on my way to the bar, i suddenly realized what i wanted to do with the sound i was playing with yesterday... so i recorded it on my phone. it was a crowded street, so i played it back to check. i held the phone to my ear, heard myself humming and "dum dum"-ing loud and clear... some people walking past me smiled at me, and seeing as that's a rarity i became suspicious:

yep. as i thought: it wasn't just me who could hear it loud and clear. the voice recorder plays back on the phone speaker :$

you're damn right i'm upset

i was nervous as hell, after a sterling performance by michal geva, einav jackson cohen and gil lewis, because it was karaoke night at the ozen bar and my buddies convinced me to sign up for tool - schism (it was on the list!)

we waited the whole night, eventually the dj called me up to the booth to tell me he couldn't find the song... but he *loves* tool, he said, it's just not appropriate while there're still people around.

so why is it on the list? and why did i suffer so many ultra-crap songs being abused and destroyed by people who really shouldn't sing, not even in the shower? when rage against the machine - killing in the name of was ripped to shreds by the only person in the bar who didn't know the words? and i can't sing an incredible song because it's not the kind one hears on the radio?

either he's a liar, and he's not familiar with the music in question, or he's heard it but simply doesn't get it. there's no way in hell that somebody who can understand the depth of their music (which one must begin to get to grips with before one can say "i like tool") or any of the lyrics (no need to understand the music, just reading them will suffice), would skip an opportunity to let other people hear it.

it's freakin' karaoke, what difference does it make???

house-cat

i did mess with the painting, but it has some way to go. i watched the rest of the midnight meat train - and really liked it. it doesn't feel too hot, but the chocolate melted anyway. k-twang gave me some very good advice concerning picking, and i feel a bit less silly now. i missed yael deckelbaum's performance, because i wrote it down on my board with the wrong month (and didn't check my facebook calendar - tsk, tsk). i haven't been outside the house today... do i go to the ozen bar to see michal geva play? it's as good an excuse as any to have a drink and take a photo of a tree i noticed when going past the other day.

in the quiet of my little castle

i had a very important chat with my mum this afternoon - and we've come up with a cunning plan...
it's time to get in touch with embassies and arrange visas and passports and things :)

i tried using a microwavable huggy bag thingy for my neck, positioning myself in front of final fantasy for maximum effect: to no avail. i was in too much pain to do anything more productive than challenge npc's to card games, so i turned it off and slept a bit more. i woke up slightly better, heated up the bag again and tried reading with it... also not particularly helpful :(

i've done laundry, repaired my old strap-on pockets, contemplated attacking a painting that i began many months ago... it's been a recluse's sort of day.