kissing the gunner's daughter

arrrrrrrrr! happy talk-like-a-pirate day, me hearties!

i should be swabbing me quarterdeck - i've had to weigh anchor on account of me bad back.

back to thursday morning:

breakfast took place in the mess with nystire and a couple of random kids. there's nothing more awkward than advising someone to become an officer and sign on a couple of years, even if it is in their best interests, when i myself am hating being in the military. it's unnerving to hold so many contradicting attitudes.

my pc's still giving me trouble, but we had an inspection so it didn't really matter. once that was over, i did anything but work anyway - it was the beginning of a strange day, spent with one foot outside myself.

lunch communication: aside from a couple of misunderstandings concerning who was eating with whom and when, we had a long argument about cultural communication. israelis and americans (in general) need jokes to be explained, no missing steps allowed - for british and south africans, if there's no thinking that needs to be done it's probably not funny.

the argument began with an attempt at a pun in hebrew: i used an obscure meaning of a word and then elaborated, and was told it couldn't be funny because nobody uses the word in that way... that was the point.

in a meeting with our system engineer, i was trying to understand what difference sitting on his left could possibly make.
se: what hand do you scratch your balls with?
me: i don't, usually. i've never understood the need to scratch
se: because it's fun! okay, so what hand do you pick your nose with?
me: i don't do that either
se: what? wow! your life is really pathetic!

gods help me.

we had drinks in honour of the jewish new year: lotsa cake. i made a pig of myself.

i reached a very important (and good-looking) milestone in the fun project, but something wasn't working right. it took the rest of the workday to discover that my code is fine, and that c#'s textfile loading has a problem with spaces... as in, it sometimes drops them. i'm not sure when, but at least the fault is consistent so there has to be a solution.

right?

we were "invited" to the other side of the base for more cake before going home. fortunately, the second cake didn't taste very good so i wasn't compelled to make matters worse :P

while waiting for the bus to ra'anana, i took a call from lipgirl - seems she's moving back to the big city :)

training
after a lot of frustration i think i finally understand what our teacher's problem is. if we had a group like we had six years ago, large and interested, she'd be able to do things the way they need to be done. because we're few in number, arranging facilities has become a very expensive enterprise and keeping the students she has requires putting up with a large proportion of bad attitudes.

my personal solution? training in the park. i don't know why she's unwilling to do that.

i have a new body protector - my very own! it's amazing how much it softens the blows compared to the slightly aged ones. speaking of soft blows: i worked with a kid who "didn't want to hurt me" while we were padded up. when it was my turn, i tapped him (not hard for me, but enough that he'd feel it) because if you don't learn how to take kicks in training then the first one that lands in a fight will drop you.

this kid is a black belt - he made faces, bitched, moaned, and then tried to explain to me that knowing how to take a hit wouldn't help. a few weeks ago another of the old crew trained with us, and one of our older black belts (and bigger than me) ended up in tears because he'd never worked properly before.

i'm not impressed.

i needed to cough when i left... the swine-flu panic seems to be affecting me a little, too. i heard a terrible story of a soldier who coughed when he got onto a bus in the desert, and they threw him off...

the reason i went to training on thursday night was because i couldn't on friday, my ex-neighbour was set to perform at the same time. i discovered when i got home that the heads-up was mistaken, and he's only performing next week...

thinking "sod it", i went out to the rock party - it was a very nostalgic set. my back and neck were a bit sore after the training, but nystire's sister was obliging with massages. she still doesn't get that nothing's going to come of them. i danced with her and her big-boned but pretty friend most of the night, and the mystery woman was there too and also competing for my space on the dancefloor...
the one girl who *did* interest me gave me a smile and a clink of her glass, but i didn't manage to get more out of her... oh, well.

i got home around 5am, and slept for 5.
i began my friday painting (i've already posted the results), then took my copy of milton's works to breakfast. breakfast was excellent, and i read through a bit before someone took an interest and we all got caught up in a very interesting discussion on the definitions of heaven and hell.

this conversation included sentiments that were floating around my head on the bus back thursday night:
since nixon we have stigmatized an inherent and irreplaceable part of our species' advancement, and in doing so condemned our near-future generations to become less and less sophisticated and socially aware

prior to partaking of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, man was blind and believed himself to be in the garden of eden - ignorance is bliss. upon enlightenment, he was forcibly ejected from his delusion, and realized that not only had he never been in such a place, but that he didn't deserve to be. the act of disobedience itself was, in fact, necessary to become what we consider to be "complete" - the opening of the eyes is what makes life worth living.

to paraphrase milton: god doesn't want subservience without question.

... training? again? it was during the warm-up that i hit the hangover from the night before :P
it was a good training, and not too extreme... only because i'd damaged my back and neck the night before, and then made it worse with head-banging, it took me out completely. and none of the exercises i've learned over the past five weeks of physiotherapy seem to be helping.

i went straight home, showered, dressed, and walked to her place. it was a fine walk until i got about halfway, when i felt the temperature rise a couple of notches to "sweaty" :/
i almost made it on time [i was a couple of minutes (three or four) and phone-calls late] and we were all off to dinner.

dinner with the jerusalem cousins was brilliant. a very pleasant evening with lots of people and exquisite food. i felt a bit awkward at the end, a couple of my cousin's friends from cape town invited me to their place on clifton 4th and i'm awful with accepting/refusing invitations. i just never know the protocol for non-committal gratitude.

lipgirl invited me out last night, but my neck wasn't willing - shite. that's really bad timing :(

i've slept badly, i'm still hurting, and now that i've made noise here i'm going to continue in meatspace with my guitar... i think i've managed to piece together a new sound ^_^

i've just acquired a copy of terence mckenna - food of the gods - i don't know when i'm going to find time to read it :S

yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum! here's wishing all jewish buccaneers a good new year, and all me hearties a rum weekend of booty, chantey's, saucy wenches and visits to the briny deep :)

f - is for fire

that the fire should spread, envelope, caress; its burning intensity catching the whole and with blue-white licks - clean, clear, passionate animality - allow these primal, soulful urges; screaming, flailing, sharing, building, sweat, tears, exhaustion... calm, quiet, whole; detached, distracted spirit

lucky wake-up!

i missed all my alarms, and was fortunate to be woken up by an ambient version of u96 DAS BOOT. just in time to pull out the laundry: i put in at 8pm, which had not quite reached that point where i'd need to run another cycle...

breaking point

from halfway through the afternoon until i got home, i had difficulty keeping my eyes open and figuring out where i was or what i was doing :(

today was cleaning day, so we all got to justify our salaries with brooms and dusters. i would've organized volleyball training, but the cute sports instructor couldn't organize the equipment :/

i might've done some work, too - but my computer's on the fritz. what - a - bummer.

terence mckenna - food of the gods - very, very interesting. by part 3 he gets warmed up :)

morning thoughts

because at 6.30am, the best place to be is the train station, passers-by staring at you while you swat ineffectually at all the flies

indulgence can save me from myself

i'm lactose intolerant, but i keep milk ice-cream in the freezer. it's for those moments where i simply can control myself, and i'm prepared to suffer for it.

and then there are times like these: you know, when i *had* to have a beer at the end of the run (even though i had to have a dr pepper beforehand just so that i wouldn't be completely dehydrated), and arrived at home with rather uncomfortable heartburn. i'm extremely glad i remembered the ice-cream, because it's all i have and it works like a charm ^_^

that was an excellent blade! i'm finally meeting people in the group, and there're a whole bunch of nice ones.

do i *have* to lie?

i'm being taught to tell lies. today's concerned signing hours. it's the most retarded system for a software developer, because there's no measure of productivity. and it's stupid that it makes me feel bad, and that feeling is something that i'm going to have to learn to live with.

and somehow i have to figure out how to make sure that none of the bad habits cross over into *my* life.

i was rushing off to visit an exhibition this evening, but the gallery's in jaffa which is *just* too far away. at least i made it to the art supply store, so i'm about ready for round two on f (for fire).

damn - elite's orange praline dark chocolate is seriously smooth.

the base had a "fair" today for new year gifts (the jewish new year is this week)... we were promised an amazing experience, epic proportions and more choices than a stick should be shaken at. what we got were a handful of tables with cheap, useless stuff.

nice one, guys. nice one. although the mouse with the encased scorpion was pretty cool.

today felt like it had no value. i suppose becoming captain of the volleyball team means something, but only to me - i hope i get a chance to make a difference.

[gets distracted]

i just made a felt & prestik version of klotski for my bathroom wall. go me!

going offline and getting ready to blade :)

did i have better things to do?

other than sitting on the pc, i mean. i feel like i've missed something. sitting on the patio, perhaps.

lol@#nerdflu

seeing the cardboard tube samurai yoshimitsu skin is cool - but it would've been even greater if they'd bothered to rename the character too... or given him a face... can't everything just be perfect, for once?

fresh paint

i stayed in for a drink, and started watching the midnight meat train; it's an excellent translation from the short-story, and wonderfully visual.

something came out while i was scribbling at coffeeholic, i was a bit embarrassed that i'd begun randomly and then had suddenly drawn breasts for all to see (okay, so there were only a couple of guys near me, i still found it awkward).

so i've finally learned to paint over. seeing as it's nowhere near finished:



aaaaaaand just a thought

the tough-list

i couldn't help but laugh at myself, feet caressing sand, slow gold rivulets of sunlight flowing over me as i fixated upon the clouds; how easy it is to let one's troubles protect one from living for the moment.

did i handle today correctly? faffing at work? check. massage? check. ice-cream and brief-yet-pleasant chat with icg? check. beautiful beach sunset? check. coffee, brownie and doodling at coffeeholic? check.

only one question remains: do i go out for a drink?

on a sour note: assaf ramon's tragic death. the expression that got stuck in my head? "controlled flight into the ground".

death; purple and orange

the week began well. i almost got run over by a forklift. then i came into my office to find nibble's mother snatching desperately at his feathers, attempting to pluck him back to life.

the morning disappeared quickly as i finished off a really useful and pretty addition to the fun project, the afternoon went quite comfortably doing the regular grind. the difference between the fun project and our regular meat and potatoes is astounding.

the kinder and i have a tradition of locking each other out of the office, usually by mashing the door codes until they invalidate and almost always with hilarious results. i witnessed a spillover to others in the section yesterday, and that had me grinning childishly :D

i'm back to listening to tool. not only did they accompany me on the shuttle home, but also to ra'anana... and back. i woke up this morning with maynard's "if consequences dictate my course of action" in my head, and that wasn't very long ago so it's still there. as amazing as the music is, i don't think it would be as emotional every time if the lyrics weren't as powerful.

the sunset last night was mind-blowing. i didn't mention that it rained the night before, and by sunset we had enormous storm clouds creeping in, giant, indigo clouds on a lilac sky - and underneath and down to the horizon the smoothest, deepest orange. i would have tried to take photos, but the scene was too beautiful and i was inside a bus.

taekwondo was brilliant - and by brilliant i mean that there were four of us who trained hard, hard to the point of breaking and with techniques two of us hadn't seen or thought of in six years. we all enjoyed it, and nystire got to see some of the real deal.

also good: i've picked up milton again :)

sunday morning surprise

sunday morning surprise
i walk in to find
your body, cold and lifeless
face down into your pillow
i check for signs of life
i find nothing, but
a jury of my peers
to point their guessing fingers at me

i look away, then
force my eyes back
your mother, fingers pinch dead flesh
to wake you, she cannot give up
tearless eyes seek asylum
from your insanity

it is i who must bury you
i, who did neither care nor harm
i, who must magic your remains away
i, who cannot look
into those mother's haunted eyes

i see your corpse disappearing out of sight
i see fat, agitated maggots remaining to remind me

articulating the shift

good idea - i took the walk and arrived at what turned out to be tel aviv's answer to the baxter. the cinemateque, where we meet up for weekly rollerblading, is very cool inside as well.

i arrived early, and decided that if i was already in the mode of doing things by myself then i should visit the lincoln. i took myself a table, a shot of araq and a half a pint, and spent half an hour getting myself into the swing of things. the super-cute (aren't they always?) waitress stopped for a chat, she'd noticed my accent...

the shift (couldn't find it on imdb) is a very sweet movie about the shift that i made when i was 18... mine took a little longer than a few days, but one of my biggest problems since then has been dealing with the fact that i haven't been playing in the same sandbox as everyone else around me.

and i'm definitely in the right sandbox.

i had a perfect ending to a fantastic weekend tarnished by the sandwich masters... or not, as the case may be. i'm not going for suduch again. the guy gave me the wrong sandwich after he'd managed to screw up the first, and i was taking a call from my mother at the time.

the customer is not supposed to do his job for him.

i eventually didn't go past icg to say hi. i have a feeling things aren't all gravy. that was damper number two, number three was an inappropriate facebook message: i *hate* it when people communicate to others through me. i began hating it when spot's family could never get hold of him directly, and it's something i will never be comfortable with. i am not a channel for other people's problems. and if you *must* use me as a channel, try to do so in a manner that will reduce the likelihood of needing to do it again in the future.

others go *that* way

today... no characters were created. i did finally understand the whole age thing, though, and now i just need to mass produce soldiers, policemen and average joes...

a shot of rum (spiced gold is awesome), some bouncing around the apartment (i don't know what i'd do without psychedelik.com), and i decided i had to visit the park. i strapped on my blades, took a book (justina robson - selling out: i'm finally about back to where i left off last time!), and grabbed a half-litre of beer on my way.
i found a really good spot (the best bench in the park, according to one of the passer's by), and spent a quiet hour or so reading with natural sound accompaniment.

i was feeling a bit tipsy when i finally decided to come back, and the blade was into the wind which made everything feel slow in addition to wobbly. it was surreal overtaking cyclists at what felt like walking speed.

i came back to ice-cream and tekken, then napped for an hour or two. the complete idiot's guide to playing the guitar was a bit much for me, but i've been playing with mine anyway and i'm very happy with myself and my strained fingers.

i can't decide what to do tonight... there's a performance at 21.30 by a group that i've been wanting to see for ages, but i'm not really in the mood. there's a movie that my ex-team-mate told me about yesterday, but the showing he told me about isn't listed on the website *and* i'd have to see it alone... maybe i'll just take a walk there anyway and see.

i'm still unable to open my torrent ports since my last upgrade. even some sage advice didn't help :( [and my router's firewall is disabled]

there is so much potential in biological levitation research! i can't wait until they get to human trials :)

bad science has written a very good article on aids denial.

online again... too much

but i have seen some great things:

bizarro's analysis ties in perfectly with my whine-song (fast becoming a personal anthem)

calvin has an idyllic summer: i remember those summers :)

here's something this country needs: a way to get people to stay in line

here's what i'm supposed to be doing: creating characters. at least i drew a map :)

funning myself to death

what a long, solidly enjoyable day!

a. tekken and invader zim, always a good start to the day

b. plenty of time with the guitar, and i managed to connect two pieces into something i'm really happy with

c. a long and enjoyable coffeeholic breakfast, followed by a run-in with my ex-neighbour that ended with us sitting at cafeneto philosophizing with the waiters and neighbouring tables

d. great training - we all suffered from the lack of oxygen, but that's almost normal. plus, there's a really, really cute girl who's just joined us...

e. beer and chat at coffeeholic - almost second breakfast, too, but that was interrupted (thankfully before the chef broke the first egg) by

f. frisbee on the beach, a beautiful sunset (and very pleasant eye-candy surrounding us) and not too much craziness

g. goocha for seafood after the beach, luckily discovering before we ordered that neither karnaf nor myself had brought much cash... so we missioned off to my place to pick up my wallet, then decided to go to

h. ze sushi, for (you guessed it) sushi and saki.

i. on the way home, my cousin from the kibbutz called me to tell me the good news - her son's getting married! and soon! i called him up, we had a good chat: mostly about their wedding plans. i must say that i'm well impressed with both of them for having good taste :)

j. awesome shower

k. a quick browse through facebook, and someone reminded me that i need to beginning planning my costume for new year's - i have an idea stolen from the works of jhonen vasquez...

l. now to nap before deciding if i'm going out tonight ^_^

surprising reappraisal

the morning improved. it began with my peer review - i must admit to being wholly surprised at how positive it was. it seems that my co's have been paying attention! my SC struck gold: "you're a pain in the ass, but sometimes that's just what's needed".

to back that up, i was asked to make a presentation on my fun project to the section :)
which reminds me - i had another project in the pipeline that i passed off to another team... we discovered today that it's a project that exists already, and only two people in the section have ever heard of it. amusingly enough, one of those people is nystire, and he helped me with the design...
odd, that...

low point in the day: coding english and thinking in hebrew. i needed a break to shake that off. this was after eating lunch standing, zoning out while chewing because i was so tired i needed to concentrate. i was sitting pouring over code with someone, only to realize that i'd fallen asleep doing so when she woke me up and the same block of code was in front of my eyes that i'd been dreaming of.

high point in the day: i called icg, and things sound alright. i suppose it might take time to adjust to each other's mannerisms.

after much frustration - primarily with the doDragDrop function that cancels all other events - i finished a really important piece of the puzzle. that left me ready to call it a week; one balloon is scratched out above my desk and i'm ready to go to bed. it's been a long week with very little sleep.

red-eyed alarm-button masher

:/

awkward evening... i don't know what's up. adding that to the fact that it's super-early and i'm going to be very, very tired today? great morning.

nibbling

hatchling nibble [his name]: i opened the blinds yesterday to discover that a pigeon had nested outside my office window. nice! this morning her egg hatched; those of us who bore witness (a bit too late for the actual event, but in time for preening and feeding) were pleased :)

the freakout: bad communication skills; i had to sit with the new guy on something, and the two of us ended up having a screaming match. i was shocked at how rude he was, and it took us a few minutes of calm-down and look-at-me-when-i'm-talking-to-you before i could shut him up long enough for us to realize that we were talking about different things and had been of the same mind from the start.

dammit.

c#'s drag 'n drop is pretty simple to implement. the bitch trying to figure it out with the msdn. i wasted a lot of energy flicking through the help[less], and the second i gave up and hunted down an internet connection i was sorted :S

caffeine boost mandatory: i'm still going solely on the energy drink i consumed midway through the afternoon. and i'm exhausted. i think i may have eaten too much today, too.

the girl who'll be playing d&d with us sat with me for a couple of hours on character creation. it turns out i barely remember anything, and in addition to getting things moving and giving us a chance to remember, we're at the very beginning of building a more detailed world for the actual campaign.

it's not pleasant when the shuttle arrives late on a regular day... when it arrives late at 8.30pm it's quite upsetting. fortunately, the guy eventually did rock up... sometimes they don't.

i used the opportunity to chat with my cousin from the kibbutz... she's had better times, i think. there was positive stuff too, though - in particular, i was highly amused and impressed to hear that her son's girlfriend inked her last week! awesome :)

i'll be going up there soon, at least. i haven't been there in *way* too long.

seeing the 5th element at this time of night? and at icg's suggestion, completely devoid of any input from me? no way.

peace of mind on wheels

ordered:

opening the rum, watching battlestar galactica;

blading: an excellent run! really fun, met some people (including cute girls, and that *never* happens), didn't get taken out when a guy right in front of me turned into a flailing, bailing mass of terror, was not in the wrong place at the wrong time when someone took a sharp bend at high speed onto cobblestones (instant 90^o broken shin), enjoyed the beer and the cheesy music at the end, and sped home on empty main thoroughfares with solid psy-trance accompaniment;

i didn't see icg, i think i'm more confused about where we are now that we've spoken on the phone than i was not having been in touch for two days...

and now it's past my bedtime. as usual :) [although i'm going to skip on the movie tonight]

ah! almost forgot - i've heard about a group that rollerblades down the hills of jerusalem, from the old city to tel aviv, on yom kippur. it's a bit of work as far as logistics are concerned (spare wheels and bearings, water and food), but it sounds incredible and i've heard nothing but good reports.

allegedly, if one survives the run one can consider oneself as having received the lord's forgiveness :)

co-agitated

i didn't feel good today. i don't feel good. in spite of that, it was a highly successful one. i worked solely on the fun project, and achieved a number of goals. the nice thing is having time to sit and plan a *good* (esp. intuitive) interface, which really is the most important part of any project.

after lunch i ran into a couple of guys from the first leg of last year's course, and they're always amusing. interestingly enough, they're potential for my Big Plan post-military. that's now four or five people on the list, which makes me feel a little more secure.

lunchtime chatter was pizza and ice-cream: where the best come from. vaniglia and pizza slice win out hands down. it's funny that that was today's topic, because as i got off the bus by my house i got a message from icg; she was about 20m away, so i went past to say hi.

after changing out of my uniform i went back, but things got busy again (they're almost always busy)... so we didn't get a chance to talk, and i came back home after finishing my sorbet.

i thought i'd make myself a tuna-salad, but i discovered [to my great bewilderment] that i don't own a can-opener, so i had to go and buy one. for some reason i came back irritated. i think the primary spark was finding out that nobody wants a counterfeit NIS 10 coin that someone managed to pass on to me. i don't know how anyone can tell the difference.

come on, guys! fight, fight, fight!

that's what the kids were shouting when they saw us cooling down and getting ready to leave. their bigger friends rocked up... and we stood up. suddenly, there wasn't a fight anymore. a pity that doesn't work with the older members of their "society".

i'm physically drained, and irritated about what's not happening with icg. once again, though, i see that i don't really have to be too concerned about connecting with someone. it'll happen. i just hope that the present tense "it's happening" is still valid.

barak - evolution is funky.

two bad: sms and ice cream

this morning was grand:
a curious breeze that promises to cool but not too cold, tunneling through the furnace with an almost-smell fresh sense of renewal and purity; a deep breath, and easy thoughts to accompany the rising sun; a sense of calm before redemption's icy tempest

sms: *sigh*
i can't figure it out. i sent a "good morning" sms because in my experience girls expect that sort of thing. i instantly regretted sending it, and a bit later got what seemed to be a distancing response. i hope i'm just reading too much into an ellipse.

ice-cream: the ice-cream cake was really, really good. so good, in fact, that i had to have a whole slice. i've been feeling aweful since - aggressive headaches and generally lousy. i'm beginning to even out now, at least.

taekwondo news: taekwondo is a dangerous sport. i'm a bit concerned that what i heard from a non-news source made it seem like the match was extremely lopsided... if that's the case, it's simply irresponsible.

revenge: my ride made a couple of nasty comments about me during the ice-cream cake session, so i flipped his station to face the wall while he was out to lunch. i wait with bated breath to see how he responds :P

i solved the problem with c# collections: i side-skirted it completely. i used an inherent data tag to remember what the index is supposed to be, and now everything's working smoothly again. i still can't figure out how the issue only appeared recently.

after a solid lunch, i managed to get home an hour early - so i had time to change out of my uniform and have a quick nap. for once, i didn't fall asleep at physiotherapy :)

i organized my new credit card, cut up my second one and sent it with a letter to be cancelled (it would be nice if that happened), stopped by the hardware dude for a quick chat and to be introduced to a british girl who is unusually good looking for her accent, and got home just in time to take a call:

i'm irritated with the guys i did the c++ project for, they haven't taken the time to understand the code i sent them and they're modifying it in any event. three calls since, three different types of "what the hell are they doing?!"...

now waiting to hear about tonight's alternative training.

exhausted, smiling peacefully

the ending of the boxing episode is just insane. it put me in a very deep and emotional state.

until going out, i made odd noises with my guitar. that's what i bought it for :)

i finally backed up important stuff! thank you gnomebaker! it's the first intuitive software that hasn't junked my discs in two upgrades.

...

i took a sandwich for a walk to meet icg, and had an awkward moment when i got to coffeeholic and needed a toothpick. i should've waited to find a place where i didn't have a reason to talk to everyone :P

we sat over a beer and orange juice (i didn't have the juice) at a nice little cafe, then went to see a matter of size. what a brilliant movie! i've been wanting to see it for ages, and i'm really glad i did. i'm especially glad that i saw it with someone who enjoyed it ^_^

after the movie we found a bench and whiled away an hour or two musing: the longer we've talked, the prettier she's become. i've decided i quite like her, and that puts dystopia's advice very high in the rankings.

i just had a good catch-up with my mum on my way home. it's good to have good news :)

regarding saturday's link: i wasn't saying that the crimes spoken of were racially motivated, but that the claim that there's no racially motivated crime is absurd, also that discrimination (particularly affirmative action policy) most definitely exists.

arbitrary elusive frustration

what the hell?! i've just lost half a day discovering that the weird results i was seeing were caused by c#'s rather stupid complexity in handling collection indices. it took all that time just to figure out that i hadn't done anything wrong... just the same, it's mighty weird that i haven't had any trouble with them until now :/

there's nothing worse than a randomly occurring defect.

i commented thursday on people being extreme in their "not talking to each other": today it hit home just how absurd it is that there's a girl in our unit who can't stand me (and i really don't know why) to such an extent that we stood next to each other for about a minute this afternoon while i was filling up my waterbottle, and didn't even look at each other.

this is silly.

a very dark feeling: my TL has assured me as much as he can that i won't have a problem getting to south africa for the Big Family Gathering (and vortex) this year; unfortunately, i can't trust our SC to put up any sort of fight on my behalf (he's really proven himself over the years) and the big, BIG boss who makes the final decision has absolutely no clue who i am.

fan-tastic.

drinking before bed was a good idea; i woke up feeling pretty good and even watched half an episode of battlestar galactica on the shuttle this morning. the boxing one, it's awesome. like all the other episodes :P

completely irrelevant side-note: a rather sexy blonde major eyeballing me in the mess hall this afternoon. a rare moment: they're not usually very sexy.

after today's anguish, i feel like a drink. is this how it starts? i'm gonna hold out. icg's already been in touch, we may just go see a movie tonight. it's like a consolation prize for not playing frisbee, but i would've liked to do both. actually, now that i've got all the major shopping out the way, i think i might head down to the beach for a bit.

---
everyone who knows me can identify me by my walk, but now that i'm constantly flexing my back muscles (ie sticking out my chest) i'm actually feeling a bit stiff and silly.

loving stuff like the moon

einav jackson cohen and her guest, aya zahavi feiglin, shared a wonderful performance at levontin. olive's "olive" sandwich was a solid reminder that i hadn't eaten dinner, and the walk home was an excellent finish for the evening.

now to prepare for the week ahead. preparations include tequila and ambient trance. and setting my alarm clock to "super-freakin'-early".

[if i drink tequila after i've brushed my teeth, i don't need to brush them again - right?]

skin-deep aggressive

lunch was great - i can't believe i spent so much time producing so little text, but i did neaten up a few potential plots :)

i watched the second episode of the prisoner when i got back, and have been agitated since. possibly because something that appears to have made its home in my couch cover started eating my legs, and now i'm paranoid that i could have fleas or something.

as penance, the couch cover is currently being abused by my washing machine.

i'm also irritated that i can't seem to get any games working comfortably on ubuntu. in the big picture, this is probably a Very Good Thing, but i still want to.

no! there's no racial problem in south africa! morons. "tarnishing the image of the country"? the truth will do that.

team seamstress

i just finished sewing a hole in my pocket - i kept getting distracted by unimportant things, such as

• loading my gift card for the holidays,


• explaining to the guy i've been helping how to debug faulty code (and not doing it myself because i don't have an easy-to-use debugger installed),


• giving up attempting to install command and conquer from the original disc ("unable to load setup.mix" - what the hell is that?!),


• coming up with ideas for my potential dungeons and dragons game (and realizing that i may as well just write short stories [thanks moonflake for the inspiration] regarding all my characters and then wing it),

and accomplished all non-computer-related tasks on the patio :)

i think lunch is in order.

from penny arcade:
tekken 6, the comic
dragon age origins

from personal experience:
calvin's mistake
in a store with my parents, i turned around and hugged my mother's legs shouting "mommy!" [must've been about four or five years old] only to look up in horror when i heard their shock and laughter; it was someone else's mommy wearing the same jeans. i was mortified.

popsicle-ness

i'm frozen - i accidentally passed out before turning off the air conditioner.

*brrrrrr*

i hate full stops in sms'es. it makes a message seem angry.

cheap sushi

i'm sitting at japanika, my excuse being that i've consumed a lot of alcohol post-workout without any more substance than *delicious* sorbet...

panic ensemble are simply unbelievable. every performance takes away more of my breath and suspends my disbelief to the point of magical surrealism.

they're not simply technically perfect on stage, but the emotions and extras that are intertwined really make it special.

i'm really glad i went, even if it was by myself.

in pink

a vision, all dressed in pink floral patterns and a cute hat, sliding down the road on her skateboard. she stops when she sees the giant tour bus trying to enter the tiny road, indicates to him to go back while calling the police to report him for the traffic violation.

breezy, sweaty friday

ducks for breakfast: primary topic of conversation was cognitive contamination / dissonance. weather cloudy and humid. cleared up in time for a meander down bograshov, looking at repeats of cool clothing (plazma stuff is awesome, though).

gift shopping: bought chocolate from one of the cheaper chocolatiers (i don't think our team-mate could tell the difference, really).

beach with icg: i went in [the water] twice, she didn't even take her clothes off. was a pleasant afternoon.

rollerblading: brilliant! excellent mission through the city, stopping a couple of times to hear poetry readings and to learn about the authors' lives.
i loved going about in a semi-smart shirt and my hat ;) [one of the cuter girls seemed very interested in my blades... hmmm]

now off for ice-cream, then rushing to levontin to catch panic ensemble. and if i'm too late, well, i'll just have a quiet beer instead.

i bought really nice trance-hippie style pants today (i wasn't pleased with the idiot shopkeeper, but they did only cost me NIS 20), i'm hoping that someone i know will go to the party tonight so i can try them out.

sleep of the dead

twelve hours brings me up to seven per night for the last three nights... and makes me unbelievably groggy.

shredded

the first cup of coffee got me through to lunch, which impresses me no end. lunch drained me - maybe it was the crap food. at least the gaming conversation made it worth it - i must consider finding time for it.

the kinder and i have established healthy rapport:
"i hope you don't enjoy your meal"
"choke on your soup"
"have a terrible weekend"
"don't survive the ride home"

those are pretty much the only times i smiled the whole day :P

more communication dysfunction with my TL today. i wonder how much of it is me. i finally released a beta version of my primary project, already proving to be a good call. i like making headway :)
i'm amused that no matter how tired i am (to the point of hallucinating), i can still keep coding...

it was an awesome sneaker pimps day until my ipod's battery died.

i rescued myself with a smart drink soon after lunch, but that turned out to be a very temporary solution. by 2pm i was breaking, by 4pm i was fading away, and the shuttle's transit time had me out for the count.

not only did i suffer the spiritual unpleasantness of cutting my hair, i had to suffer the indignity of the hairdresser whirling off the protective cloth in a manner that dumped all the fine bits of hair all over me.

i didn't know that there are people in our unit who don't talk to each other with such severity that i actually had to maintain a conversation between two of them in order to get something work-related done. freaks.

i had one thing to do this evening: pick up my visa. i missed the closing time by about a minute. i'm exhausted, but i'm running laundry and had to get the online stuff out of my system. i reckon tonight's a good night for early bed. i'm debating going to get ice-cream... last night's date works at the gelateria (best one in the city)... free ice-cream would be... wait for it... the cherry on the top.

that's the second time i've done that today. i had to.

how cute is "enough"?

1.45am: we've been sitting and talking and drinking and laughing for over three hours. we decide to get the bill at movieing.

3.30am: we've just gotten the bill at benedict's, the "classic" for the win.

6.30am: hurting.

...

there's obviously a connection, the only concern is quantifying physical attraction. the whole night i was thinking "cute / dunno / cute / dunno" and i'm wondering / hoping that that's sleep-deprivation confusion.

restless, blind

i would suspect my SC of attempting to exact revenge, but he probably doesn't remember why he would want to. after keeping me miserable and not letting me work for half a year, he's decided that the december / january holidays are just the right time to offload any extra projects he's anticipating onto me.

my TL told me not to worry, and i'm currently obtaining authorization from the higher-ups, but that doesn't stop my SC from having enough petty power to screw me over.

i despise him.

...

my previous post was correct, and although waking up was slow it wasn't a nightmare. and spring has sprung! i woke up and could open my apartment up without sweating ^_^

i worked the whole day on the fun project, and managed to bring it to the next stage - good enough that the others want to start using it too, which means that i'm going to have to figure out how to get around .net's intranet security issues :/

i was joined at lunch by the base commander, and he wanted to discuss the mess hall's improvement. i like sharing my opinion when it might come to something.

my back is driving me demented. i can almost feel the muscles improving, but the levels of discomfort are unbearable.

the goto guy and i went shopping for a birthday present after work, and i made my way home from azrieli semi-dazed. after ruining a plate in the microwave (the super-heated pita warped it) in order to do this week's standard (marmite and peanut butter), i tried to catch some nap-time on the couch.

so i've seen another episode of battlestar galactica, didn't actually fall asleep, showered, and am now going to movie-ing for a blind date.

totally worth it

i won't sleep a lot, but i know i'll sleep well :)

rollerblades, frozen yoghurt and beer

i needed that. nothing like syrup dribbling down one's face at high speed on a dark boulevard :D

ran into a guy i used to serve with, who spent a couple of months this year in cape town. it's unbelievable - all the things he was amazed and excited about (he's also planning on coming down for new year's) are the things i take for granted, the things that drive me nuts here because they're so unnecessarily different.

and that's not a complaint against israel in particular; cape town is just such a magical place (in spite of all its problems) that one cannot help but compare.

i've decided (with a little help from my beer) to watch some police academy.

****ly, i'm so ****ly...

i find it unpleasant that my friends either aren't interested in the same things i am, and i have trouble connecting with people who are, or they're otherwise occupied by families and jobs. it's all very depressing.

so no frisbee this evening, and no shakespeare at the tmuna.

i would have gone for a drink - ta2's playing next door - but i'm not fond of drinking alone and i'm always awkward about going to bt's bar without company. instead, i've been playing with my guitar and moping.

i came across a ye olde page of mine from many years ago, on a backbone far, far away - and was brought back in time to my initiation into the cape legion of adventurers and wargamers: swordschool and one other accompanying me in my lab coat to harrass and freak out members of the student body attempting to make use of the elevator.

at least the caretaker finally arrived. we sorted out the maintenance fees for the rest of the year, we discussed a pipe that's been bothering me and he explained the renovation possibilities.

at least i'll be going rollerblading in a few.

phd's productivity graph: too true

for the first time ever, gmail's targeted ads hit their mark :P

frank zappa - Don't Eat The Yellow Snow, Nanook Rubs It, St. Alphonzos Pancake Breakfast, Father O'Blivion (or whatever that means)

modules?

good lord - i had an inspiring moment today, and came up with the basis for a dungeons and dragons module that seems appropriate for a group of people who like to stretch boundaries :)

i got some document writing done this morning, spent a lot of time wikiing, survived lunch, became extremely jealous of the jerk - who got released today - and suffered from very, very sore muscles.

i'm currently waiting for the caretaker, who's making an effort to avoid meeting me. and doesn't *get* the concept "i'm on the other line"...

it appears that i'm done with the c++ project: mission accomplished ^_^

so regina spektor is of russian origin - i'm going to have to pronounce her name correctly. which reminds me, i called the kinder today, and i've learned to say his name so well that he thought he'd heard one of the russians :D

pixar's partly cloudy is very cute :)

intermittent dreaming

late wake-up (or not): i can't imagine how my morning would have been otherwise - i was falling asleep in spite of the extra hour...

hearing loss: i'm beginning to become concerned. then again, i wasn't feeling well at all today* so it could just have been a symptom. i felt... detached today. disconnected. dream-state.

* my TL and i have decided that it's more than likely to be psychological.

complements to the chef: for the very first time, i managed to convince someone else to call the complaints hotline. ironically, it was to complement the catering company on a job well done and to make sure that it wasn't a once-off occasion: we were suspicious that our kitchen staff were merely putting on a show for an inspection.

what israelis in general don't understand is "consumer power". nobody makes a noise because they're all sure that they won't be heard :S

lucky ride, half asleep: for the second time, i left the base at the right time to get to the physio by bus - for the second time, i scored a lucky ride which afforded me time to change into civvies and drink a cup of coffee. a pity the coffee didn't help; i lie face-down on the massage bed and i'm gone, regardless of how much pain the physio causes me.

my back felt good afterwards, but it was short lived. my neck and shoulders began getting uncomfortable on the way to train with [dammit, haven't a clue what i called him... i'll have to go with parker] parker. by the time we called it quits i was feeling sore, and on the bus i was in enough agony to worry about passing out before i switched to sitting more comfortably. this "exercising back muscles" things isn't so straightforward, it seems.

oh, yes - and parker mentioned something that had us giggling. we both fall asleep in the dentist's chair, and the primary problem with that is the repeated shouting of "open wider!" every time our jaws go slack :P

holiday planning: w00t! we have a plan! i'm beginning to get excited for another much-needed holiday ^_^

bicycle grease: two cute girls, one with her bicycle chain unclipped. i'm very proud of myself for being able to fix it; unsure of whether or not i should have maybe asked for a number... what was going through my head at the time? a quote from the jewish oral tradition: "don't do things in order to receive compensation" - i wasn't, but it got stuck in my head regardless :/

i assumed that the guy i was going to meet for frisbee was too busy playing to respond, so i hopped a shuttle to the beach. i was halfway there when he sms'ed back to say he couldn't make it :(

on the way back, i had a cup of coffee; the guy working threw me a copy of ex centric - sound system, and the owner consulted a number of us regarding her decision to add a bookshelf to coffeeholic and let people donate / take books at will.

let them flow!

d&d books: how inspired am i? i suddenly remembered on the bus to ra'anana that parker is into gaming, and he brought me the player and dm guides for 3rd ed. definitely good enough :)

dinner: after limping home (i know where i damaged my ankle - tornado kick about two weeks ago. the repeat tonight is what gave it away) and showering, i made myself a quick tuna salad and found out that i can wake up "late" again tomorrow.

but i still decided that it's not a night to go out drinking.

two wired items that caught my imagination:
1. nanoraptors! i know what *i* want for christmas ^_^
2. treating spaceballs like the rocky horror picture show

wolfmother's new album is almost available - pity not in israel.

yay! someone with the same facial recognition issue i have!

have a happy new season!

on natural smells

wow - with tracks like claw vs psychosis - psychodynamics in the background, i can almost smell the grassy dancefloor, see tall tree silhouettes waving and sense hundreds of bodies jamming... i love listening to psychedelik.com's dark psy trance ^_^

i just made myself happy with my guitar for an hour or so, and while i was showering i got a message saying i can get up late tomorrow ("late"... 6.30am :P)... time for some shuteye.

still sleepin'

peanut butter and marmite - they don't have to be on the same slices to be a good combination. the tough bit is deciding which to eat last :P [marmite]

i'm still tired. i didn't feel properly awake at any time today. my back aches and i haven't any energy.
that made today the ideal day for having my final argument with central command. i probably shouldn't have screamed out "WE NEED TO DESTROY THEM!" when the call ended in deepest frustration.

i sense early onset winter: i came home too late to play frisbee, and a couple of weeks ago i would still have had time. depressing. at least tomorrow should happen - my taekwondo instructor's in korea this week so we can shift training around (if we manage to organize it at all).

i need to organize a 4th ed. DM and players' handbook for d&d (or shadowrun, i'd prefer); i'm not prepared to buy unless we begin playing consistently...

amusing thought for the day: a martial arts tournament. one of the fighters goes down. his opponent doesn't go to his corner. [reference: wikipedia]

their was no shuttle this morning. officially. unofficially, we drove to the last stop before the base, and all got out to take a bus the rest of the way.
i kid you not.

i was supposed to attend a security briefing (how to avoid terrorism when travelling internationally), but the people in charge couldn't figure out what to do with someone who hasn't applied yet*, so i was treated to the shortened version while holding the line.

* one must have tickets in order to attend the briefing. one cannot buy tickets which conflict with any information gleaned in the briefing.

the end of the day was taken up by a 2.5 hour analysis of everything we did wrong during a big project a year or two ago. i sent a note to the kinder explaining to him that he dropped the lead (most productive in the meeting) the second he stopped picking his nose.

towards the end, the unit commander began to speak. it was the final summation, so we couldn't get up to go to the bathroom... guess what happened... [no accidents, fortunately, but it felt like one was closing in]

i just did some shopping, and my good deed for the year (buying the crazy insult-lady a coke), and in a bit our caretaker should be back. gotta sort out the fees. yay.

stunning photo concept: patched slices on a timeline

huh - just looked at a facebook photo of a girl that was "suggested" to me by someone i serve with. either they think i'm desperate, or that i have really bad taste. i don't think i need to call her.

we apologize

i'm experiencing technical difficulties waking up: d.batistatos - hoover actually makes it more difficult to get out of bed :P

that was a really relaxed weekend - i'm quite satisfied :)

calm before the 5.30 storm

ice cream at home, after spilling soy sauce all over myself while enjoying a beer and sashimi / nigiri over justina robson - selling out (although i've had to resume reading from the start, i don't remember a damn thing)...

it was good that i conceded to the desire to go for sushi, because the gaming night was cancelled. oh, well.

frisbee on the beach could've been better - my partner wasn't entirely on the ball, and the arsim playing beach bats were driving me crazy... the sunset was gorgeous, though. and all in all, it was time spent on the beach :)

greasemonkey

covered in wd-40, grease and flecks of rust; i would be more upset about my bearings being filthy if joe cocker hadn't been accompanying my cleaning day.

hmm - i just sent an sms to a girl i've never met on a friend of hers' suggestion... i never learn :P

dinky pink white-striped crash helmet

and i have an issue with guys wearing pink shirts...

i was a goner last night - tired, and probably dehydrated but with too much alcohol in me to notice. and the whole family was around, it was pretty crazy.

i managed to catch myself ten years ago: one of my cousins' boyfriend just went through a very similar experience to my own in 1996, when i realized that religious observance was not for me. at least, that was *my* response to having fanaticism thrown in my face. i suggested a few books that might give him some perspective and we had a very interesting talk.

he had his own suggestion to make: that i consider the idea of working a ski-shop seriously, and maybe even become a snowboard instructor.

i made a mistake repeatedly: everyone kept asking me how i am. and i told them. that's not very wise when you're still reeling from unpleasantness. the interesting thing for me was seeing who identifies, and who thinks i need to learn to be happy with less.

i caught up a bit of sleep this morning; and i've *just* sent through an almost-final version of the c++ project (i don't have the energy to figure out why my deconstruction isn't working). so this morning can be characterized by friend functions, strange copy-paste errors in gedit (unrelated code had clipboard text inserted randomly), and understanding that math.h cannot help me with infinity.

and rss feeds:
bizzaro's attachment issue

PETA abuses women

i think i want a defeat awkwardness shirt

cedar forest players take on the godfather

i know the feeling - dilbert eerily defines my work environment. i never really found it funny until i moved to my new unit.

time of eve looks pretty - very pretty.

a sweet wireless electricity demo

a super supergroup start to my saturday: thanks k-twang!

currently playing: radio trip

own little world

little snapshots of a preferred reality

i've had too much to drink (or just enough), in twenty minutes i need to leave to meet my cousins for the evening.

that's the reason i left the party - and it was just starting to warm up. it amazes me that whenever it's good, i have somewhere else to be :(

the shuttle and walk back were zoned out by good trance... i'm still out there...

social interactions

just reading peter berger and anton zijderveld - in praise of doubt, which led me on a trail of thoughts (starting with "cognitive contamination")...

i believe that innocence is sacrosanct. that extends to social relations and communication - it bothers me that i can't just meet a really great girl, be intimate with her, and then decide that i'm not interested.

it is for that reason that i'm not upset by what happened with spinnit - yes, i'm disappointed, but that's life. my point is, i respect other people changing their minds and so expect others to respect me changing mine.

see, i don't *know* how i feel about someone until we've gotten to that intimate point, but because i'm so concerned about "leading someone on" i'm overly-cautious about getting there.

i think the remedy is to care less, but it's become so natural that i think i'd respect myself less for it.

mental stretch

primarily because after last night's training, everything's a little too tender for doing it physically :)

the buffalos performance was great - although i arrived there a bit down because of my lack of company, i ran into one of my favourite lecturers. it's been five years, so we had a bit to talk about. that only problem i had with the evening was towards the end, when i began fading... i was absolutely bombed.

i walked home, which is a generally pleasant exercise but was done for the sake of letting the rum wear off... because it was hot, and i don't care, i took my shirt off. i'm hoping that i didn't look like a complete idiot - my walk's been affected since monday's physiotherapy; either way, i found the cute girl blowing me a kiss from her car to be fairly amusing :P

---
i have another year of hating every morning ahead of me. waking up early, stressing to get to the stop on time and then waiting for my ride in the heat or cold for up to half an hour... or waking up super early, stressing to get to the stop on time and then squeezing into the bumpy, smelly shuttle. fantastic.

there were no shuttles this last week, and my ride didn't confirm that he was going to pick me up until i was already on the bus to the central station, having lost hope. i stopped at cafe hillel in azrieli for breakfast, and by the time i got back to the pick-up point the coffee had cooled enough to drink.

d&d potential: it appears we have it. wtf?! we're going to try to get a game together within the next couple of weeks, and if that works out i will be extremely impressed. i sent an invitation to our section, referring to vin diesel to see who's in, and the kinder took offense and we got into an attitude argument.

basically, i've given up on our section and am not prepared to run after people to organize things. i'm not going to spend time convincing people to do things that although when eventually we get around to it they enjoy, keep repeating that same irritating behaviour the next time.
if there's no initial enthusiasm, then nothing's going to happen. the kinder was trying to convince me that people in general, not just in our section, don't like to participate and that my previous unit culture is an extreme exception.

i spoke to ru55 on the phone, and was on speaker with him and his wife (wi55)... whose shock concerning my being in touch with her cousin freaked me out for a while after the call. i was worried that it was because she disapproves.

work-wise:
i've been finding all sorts of excuses for wiki fun. i think i'm addicted :)
the big news:
the only real work done in the first part of the year was a huge project that we've been desperately needing, that's been tied down by a bureaucratic process since completion. after over six months waiting, to hear my efforts beeping happily from over the cubicle divider brought a huge smile to my face ^_^

i managed to score a quick ride home, so i had time to get to ra'anana for training! i napped very well on the bus, the energy drink had me ready to go when i walked in... which was good, because i wasn't given any time for warming up. i had a couple of good fights - and energy to include some jumping attacks that proved rather effective - and i had a lot of fun while accumulating whole sets of bumps and bruises.

we finished off with a highly disciplined display of forms, which i'm glad nystire got to see so early on. this is his third session, and i'm really glad he's getting into it!

i had a fortuitous meeting with ru55 and wi55 on my way home, so i could give them the sticks to fix their wedding gift. i'm so glad they appreciated it! i stopped in at ze sushi to talk to my training buddy for a few seconds, then rushed home to shower, and bought a sandwich on the way to a friend's girlfriend's birthday party on the marina hotel's roof.

what a bummer - it's her birthday party, but this week she's leaving for ten months and he's not going with...

ru55 and wi55 finally came over to my place for coffee (orange juice) and cookies! i'm a bit embarrassed that my place is such a mess at the moment, but i'm really happy that they've finally seen it :)

last thought before hitting the bed: my body's feeling solid from training, my fingers feel good from the guitar.
i'm not spending as much time with it as i'd like, but i'm definitely improving.

---
i'm so proud of myself! i actually stayed in bed for a couple of hours after i initially opened my eyes. now - i have things to do.

yet another peeve

it really offends me when i ask "how are you" as a greeting, only to have it thrown back in my face.

and when i ask the second time? still no response. this is a (i think new) norm that assigns even the pretence of care or consideration to a dying branch of the manners tree.

do people do this everywhere? i don't know why someone would actively isolate himself more,

annoyingly alone

the pub visit is unofficially cancelled, seeing as nobody's been in touch with me. i also have this unhappy feeling that i'll be going to see the buffalos album release show by myself.

smaller

i thought it was going to be a big day, but a lot of it was mere grinding and some of it was a lot of fun. i've caught the wiki-bug, apparently. document, link, delete. repeat if necessary. and to make it all good, i achieved my primary goal with a few minutes left on the clock. and i convinced another team to take on a project that i'd like to see done.

my TL and i are *not* vibing. we're being very amiable, but almost every sentence brings confusion. and the girl in our team was having a special day, which got on my nerves towards the end of it.

luckily i found a swift ride back to tel aviv, and the slow walk from the entrance to my apartment brought me back to life :)

midnight stout and milky black

i haven't eaten an israeli milky (מילקי) in years, and they have them in dark chocolate now ^_^

i'm still hot and sore from a very serious rollerblading mission: there were a lot of people, it was totally insane. the vanguard bicycle with the seriously loud trance was an absolute must, especially going through steep tunnels at high speed!

the best part of the evening was arranging a gaming night on saturday: either we break out the world of warcraft cards if nobody else arrives, or we munchkin. if we can somehow formalize the night, maybe even role-playing? i shouldn't get my hopes up.

waking up in the morning might be rough, and tomorrow is a *big* day; yet i don't care. tonight was awesome.

the heat! the disgusting heat!

the uniform most certainly accentuates it - ick.

i'm glad i decided to take a little longer and drop off my trousers for dry-cleaning: i would have been on the bus when i discovered that i'd forgotten my dog-tags. switching uniform in the middle of the week is never a good idea.

the mongoose called - he's single and has just bought an apartment. i guess that means he's trying to be like me :P

something reminded me of the guy in the ra'anana taekwondo group who drives me nuts. he's a bottom-feeding mouth-breather, and that last part being literal coupled with his glassy-eyed stare and complete disconnection from the world around him really puts me on edge. especially when it's because of him and his attitude that some poor girl's been going through surgery after surgery on her knees :(

i slept and dreamed on the bus to the base... so well, in fact, that it was through the grace of some nice woman that i was woken up when we arrived. how embarrassing! walking to the mess hall felt like walking into a strong, greasy soup current fully-clothed.

i've been making an effort to sit straight and work my back muscles... it's not comfortable.

my TL and i fought a lot today, mostly because he kept saying completely unnecessary things (like telling me to do what i was already doing, only in such a way that i had to stop to figure out what he wanted from me). i can't believe that i'm going to be stuck under his idiot command for the next Very Long Time.

things improved after home-time: i had hours to catch up and a lift home. i'd almost forgotten how much fun working evenings can be! the atmosphere is always more relaxed.

---
how do i feel?
like i'm serving six solitary for the heinous love-crime of idealism, in a big house where the highly prized special form of idiot is warden and the accepted disciplinary methods are ruthless torture meted out wantonly.
"i am not a number! i'm a person!" - and just like the prisoner, they're trying to convince me that it's a grand place to be.

my new favourite calvin & hobbes

phenomenal! james jarvis - onwards

permit woes

the good news for the morning:
my shipment containing the 25th anniversary edition of the last starfighter, the coraline graphic novel, and the 500 hats of bartholomew cubbins arrived!

the not so good news:
it was awkward finding someone helpful at the permit offices. the man i did find gave me a few numbers, and i went to coffeeholic to breakfast while ringing them up.

#1) leaving for ten days. passed me #2
#2) not answering
#3) asked me two questions, and explained to me that there's no way in hell to arrange a permit to fix my situation. apparently, it's not possible that my patio is less than 1.5m from the edge of our grounds.

at least breakfast was good. now i've got to put on my uniform again :S [i'm going to be feeling this for another while, apparently]

not so bad

me and my body are doing alright this morning, strangely enough.

a) i'm wondering about how much anxiety my army experience as a whole has caused me, and although i don't believe it's near to being enough of a problem that it requires medication*, i'm sure it's fairly significant

b) the physiotherapist suggested that my back problems could all be due to a lack of care - my back muscles are weak. this can easily be attributed to not sitting properly, but in particular it makes sense to me that my need to raise my knees whenever i'm in public transport is both a symptom and a cause.

c) i'm growing a massive to-do list at the moment. hmmph.

* reminder: a discussion on the beach on sunday concerning the kinds of drugs regular people consume; prescription drugs that contain all the good stuff but under different guises. requiem for a dream sort of thing.

full stops, but not with rum

chronological and sparse (guess who's had too much to drink):

. finished the c++ project, all working well. now due a code clean-up, just tidying and tweaking.

. it's always hard to wake up early. the bus switching went fairly smoothly, though.

. base breakfast: two piping-hot eggs. until the last minute, when someone brought in bread and the spread made up for the earlier disappointment (and slightly scorched fingertips).

. 4-5 hours fighting with the lawyers' office. primarily concerning the fact that the army was supposed to pay the bill for may's hypochondria. i couldn't send a fax because their fax number isn't valid ("but we receive tens of thousands a day!" she shouts at me. silly cow.), but i eventually discovered that the army denied authorization over a month ago.

and didn't inform me. the woman in charge of the clinic told me that they didn't need to let me know, in spite of them always saying "don't worry, we'll take care of it". she told me that after she explained that they probably tried to call me and couldn't get in touch.

...

so i had to foot the bill.

. i spoke to the city council concerning engineers - "you didn't speak to any professionals, then. but i'm forbidden to help you find one."

she did make a concession, though, and in the morning i'm going fishing for engineers at their watering hole.

. lunch sucked. and some girl pushed her plate through in what was destined to be my hand's path out of the food frenzy :(

. i got about an hour of actual work done, achieving a solid and exciting milestone ^_^

. i got a ride to tel aviv, affording me the luxury of changing before physiotherapy.

. physiotherapy had me snoring. i learned an exercise, received an excellent massage and was left on the bed, face-down with a warm blanket over me in the cool air-conditioning. there's no sleep quite like it, and i feel the urge again to acquire a massage bed.

. i walked home, then hopped a bus to training in ra'anana. training was good - too good, in fact. my body's broken. and i redeveloped problem i had a couple of weeks ago with my spinning kick :/

. i showered and went to chill at ta2's alternative line. nystire's sister arrived, and was all over me. she sms'ed to apologize, but made me explain to her that she's too different from me to interest me. do i have energy for this shit? i need a drinking buddy!

. i met someone from varsity days on the way home, my present state turning an awkward hello into an amusing conversation.

. i'm dead, but i had to post. i quote from the message i just sent ";":
i'm angry about not passing, but i'll get over it - i'll just have to continue to be unhappy until my contract is over, and make the most of the good life that i have outside. [i think i'm going to reload my ipod with slightly more aggressive/depressive music than has been on it until now, it's usually very reflective and it's been maintaining a sense of hope in recent months]

on the plus side, it's a year to get more familiar with the material and to focus on taekwondo and my (so far) pitiful attempts with the arts, so i can't exactly spend *all* of it feeling sorry for myself :)

and of course... going out drinking on weekdays. that was an *excellent* idea!

summary; tragedy; remedy

summary: a full 36 hours

shopping fail: i bought a few shirts, none of which were appropriate for smart occasions. SxS donated a shirt to my cause, and two of the ones i bought are good for semi-casual wear... but i am going to have to go back and exchange the others.

second breakfast: i had a great coffeeholic breakfast, and then an "anti-ageing" smoothie with ze germans a brisk walk away. very nice.

poster transport: the poster was not designed for transportation. getting it to ze germans was a bit of a mission; getting it to their car way more so. the drive with it was extremely uncomfortable, so much so that grootbek had to sit in the back - and he's big. once at ze germans' place, i managed to fix it up all right, but then it had to go to ra'anana and i lost a piece on the way :(

pre-sabbath swimming: excellent. i spent time with some friends whom we never spend time with, and their little daughter's antics keep bringing a smile to my face. they're an ideal family unit, and it's really, really nice to spend time with them :)

friday night with SxS's fam: a pleasure as usual. it's quite traditional, actually. i was originally intending to go to the synagogue for ru55's "bridegroom's sabbath" (שבת חתן), but i didn't want to mess with the dinner arrangements :P

after dinner and a short nap, SxS's cousin and i visited the couple and their friends.
a) they really appreciated the poster
b) the bride's friends are awesome, especially her cousin. they're all literature majors and are as full of weird as they are friendly. things progessed intangibly with the cousin (semi-colon, or ";").

after a short sleep, SxS and i made our way to the synagogue for the morning service. it was south african traditional, with lots of choir moments. i was reminded of my days (once upon a time) as a choir boy, and then suffered moments feeling like al pacino stirring the holy water. i had a potential target, too: the guy in charge of the zionist fed's housing (who made my life miserable in 2006).

for the first time in ten years (since we both immigrated), i ran into someone who used to be a really close friend for many years. it was nice to see him, although it did throw me a bit :P

SxS and i took a half hour break, then returned to the synagogue for lunch. the bride's mum was really worried because she could see that something was happening between me and ";" - turns out she's not jewish.
erm... big deal.

a coffee misunderstanding and a long conversation with SxS's mother tipped our afternoon plans out the window, and they were fairly complex plans :/

i drove ru55 and ";" to the cliffs of apologna. her mom called me when we arrived, and i felt really bad because she was supposed to come to my place for coffee to see my apartment and i'd forgotten to tell her i wasn't in the right city :S

goodbye: ";" and i have really hit it off, which is not a good thing because she had to leave the country a few hours later. *sigh*

swimming with ze germans was a perfect end to a very serious sabbath. afterwards, SxS and i met yogi for shuwarma, and then picked up mmf for a rooftop barbecue in honour of the newlyweds. it was a very nice evening (minus an ipod incident that bothered me more than it probably should have), and i was completely exhausted by the time i got home.

i woke up early this morning, and walked to the bank to order a new visa. visa tagging is a problem when you're in the military, and instead of taking five minutes to figure out what i want printed on the card it took more than twenty, by which stage i was going to be late for the polygraph. i blame being in a hurry for taking the wrong sequence of buses - i was completely on autopilot and headed for the wrong place.

i'm very glad i registered at a stop that was next to a taxi rank. it was an expensive correction, but a correction nonetheless.

---

tragedy: catch twenty-truth
i'm praying to all the gods - PLEASE HELP ME GET THROUGH THIS. i simply cannot pass a polygraph examination. i'm the perfect false positive, because that's what happens when you get excited over questions regardless of whether you're being honest or not.

if these guys want to see me in tears, they're doing a good job. i can't bow out of the process without it being seen as an admission of guilt, and i'm not guilty. i can't pass the polygraph, because it bears no relation to lie detection.

so guess who's not getting ready for university this year. and who's not getting ready for a solid vacation.

this is getting more and more distressing every time. the worst part?
"if you are lying, you're very convincing". thanks. but i have to pass in order to prove that i'm not a liar.

remedy: frisbee

a long chat with my mother (and her advice), excellent frisbee (and managing to not get my ipod wet), alcohol (the guy walking about with vodka and arak and a tank of iced-lemonade on his back), cookies (the claim was "the best in tel aviv", but they're pretty good nonetheless), and walking slowly back along the water's edge.

no afterparty...

... but i escorted the bride's cousin to ra'anana and she's extremely pleasant company :)

after milling about the town a bit, i crashed at SxS's. i woke up this morning, had a cup of coffee and an interesting debate with his father (it's becoming a tradition, but they're arguments and not fights so we're all good), and just took a bus back home. now i have to shop, breakfast, and get the wedding gift back over there.

SxS's father gave me the most fascinating and lucid editorial to read:
tainted to the core (part 1)
tainted to the core (part 2)

the tango

that was a *beautiful* wedding! traditional and elegant, packed with good friends and good vibes, the food was great and in spite of drinking excessively i'm still clear-headed and happy ^_^

being responsible for the bus there was a bit uncomfortable - some of the guys were late and then the driver began touring the city while traffic was beginning to spike... but we made it in time for me to finally meet ru55's parents and take a breath :)

now we're off to ze german's for ze afterparty...

milked

last night, on the whole, was brilliant. we went to a really nice restaurant right next door to my place, the food was excellent (although i'm embarrassed to admit that i confused the scallops with... umm, something else), and the service was amazing (and not just by israeli standards).

unfortunately, i consumed way more lactose than i'd anticipated, and about halfway through the meal my system began to crash. the only other thing that bothered me last night was that on the way there, my knee began to hurt.

damaged knees are scary - i was hugely relieved when the doctor told me this afternoon that it looks like it's just a ligament, so i'm wearing an elastic brace and all is good :)

on a completely unrelated note, a gorgeous girl caught my eye and i'm still feeling a bit silly for not have done anything about it :/

today's wake-up was horrible, after all the milk-products i felt bad for most of the morning :S
work was all blurry, we and i was more than happy to leave early. coming home was a nightmare - the sweltering heat and the high humidity don't really make wearing my uniform an enticing way to travel. at least my air-conditioner and a shower sorted that out ^_^

now off to ru55's wedding! w00t!

it rubs the lotion on its skin - a great song for starting the day

a nasty bin incident

i'm extremely agitated. i thought to take out the trash, opened the trash can... and released a million gnats into my apartment. something near the bottom of the bag was rotten, and now they're all over the place, interfering with my every move.

when i say "everywhere", each bite i take of my sandwich potentially includes some unwanted proteins O_o

professional s&m

stretch and massage: quite painful, but i'm very glad for it. how did i not do this before?!
i like physiotherapists, and am once again amused that they appear to like my tattoo :)
also, it was good to see the brother of the guy who's c++ project i'm doing, we haven't spoken in ages.

the day was superb, from retrieving my trousers to receiving my dvd of johnny mnemonic, from excellent reading time at coffeeholic (still on the old wired, and the new has arrived) to lunch and incredible ice-cream with the kid.

speaking of wired: i'm intrigued that i arrived at the same conclusion. i spoke to mmf yesterday and explained to him that there are a number of reasons why i won't work more than half-days when i get released. and now that i have a date for the next polygraph, that could be soon enough.

*prays*

now to see how crazy an evening it will be, i don't think we're going to be taking SxS's birthday lightly.

sterling wake-up

i can't believe i only needed about five or six hours of sleep to recalibrate! the best thing was calling in sick; a sick day that doesn't require a doctor's approval... i have one left until the end of the year, but today was when it counted :)

generation m - thought for the day

fluids?

the day went well, considering the fact that i was so tired that people kept commenting on how messed up i looked. the work i had to do got done, and i made myself useful for most of the rest of the day...

after getting home, drawing cash, showering and trying to help the hardware dude with his fax machine, i bussed to herzeliya. i got it right, and ordered bistro 56's (i think that's the number) veal ribs, going against the recommendation and taking them medium instead of medium-well. they were nothing short of succulent, and i went through 500g so fast that i wondered where the rest was :P
...
by all the gods - i am completely toasted. on the one hand, i drank way too much, especially considering the extreme tiredness i was suffering at the beginning of the night (and all through the day). on the other, we had a fine time and i even managed to handle the strip club without any spiritual harm.

i suppose it's because we were all more or less in the same headspace.

i'm now getting ready to shower, and in a couple of hours call in sick. or incompetent, at the very least :P

a lot of sleep

that's a lot of sleep, and look at the good it did me!

actually, although i was really tired in the morning i didn't feel bad... that only began after lunch. my state got progressively worse as the day wore on.

breakfast on base was surprisingly decent (maybe an indicator than something wasn't right?), and one of the guys in the section brought in a huge tray of brownies which were really good. i shouldn't have had so much. that started a chain of chocoholic-unfriendly events, the tail end of which saw me opening a packet while thinking "no, don't do that" and then making 75g disappear.

yesterday's bug turned out to be a false alarm - a problem with the environment i was testing in. my reference to nessy was more appropriate than i thought. the rest of my day was spent being altruistic and preparing my return to my primary project.

it wasn't until i got home that i registered that going to train wasn't a good idea. i went shopping, scarfed down a sandwich while watching battlestar galactica, and crashed. i just woke up now with a craving for orange juice, and it's bedtime again.

hmmm... my knee's been giving me trouble randomly for the last couple of weeks - i'm loathe to try to get it seen to through the army :/

powerful sunset, powerful frisbee,

and sand everywhere. that was really fun, but i'm wasted. wr called me as i left the beach, and i actually had to put an end to the conversation as i walked onto my block - too tired and too impatient for the phone :P

gonna crash, i was going to go see the ramirez brothers but the girls i was going with aren't up to it either...

exhaustion rules

and so does getting away with a siesta.

i spent the day becoming proficient with wikipedia and running tests... tests which ended in a beep that signifies disaster. essentially, i've dealt with all the snakes only to discover that i'm dealing with nessy.

i finally (years later) made an appointment for physiotherapy, and am well impressed that in spite of the red tape managed to organize it close to home. there's a half day off for a massage on the army's recommendation / account ^_^

now off for frisbee.

there's that ant again

slowly making its way across the nothing...

i'm having trouble uncurling myself this morning.

i came across an invite to the party yesterday, and so made my merry way there. the party was missing something... like, other people dancing... until the sun went down, and then the little children came out to play. it didn't bother me, the sunset was beautiful and it was as good a place as any to have a couple of drinks.

and i solidified a frisbee contact and we should be playing this evening :)

the other advantage was having time to think, really think about the next event in my current action chain; it's high time i learned to appreciate my situation and i need to relax and deal with things properly.

i stopped by coffeeholic on my way home - for "debate coffee". we had a very interesting argument while i sorted out my caffeine needs, then i left to change into nicer clothes and wait for piles.

our previous TL's engagement party was very nice, and aside from getting rather high from the hookah (nargila) and eating non-stop (melon, i can't stop myself), we talked until the small hours of the morning before dropping off friends near my base and then talked some more on the way back to tel aviv.

now... now i'm paying for all that chatter.

biased result

i have cleared most of my whiteboard, an indication that about 80% of the work has been done. i was getting very frustrated about halfway through, and asked myself if it was possible that a little tequila would help me code better... apparently, the answer is "yes".

taking a break for tekken might have been useful, too. spending some time strumming my guitar must have contributed.

if the roof party's on, then i really want to go - but karnaf's not answering his phone, which leaves me without details :/

waking up again

still feeling physically tired, but otherwise good. i woke up, had breakfast, hunted a valid plane ticket (failed), sorted photos*, drank coffee and made guitar noises on my patio, caught up on comics, and am about to get down to some work.

* i have some amazing photos from the period when i dated her, but the infinitesimally small chance of one of her immediate family coming over for coffee one day and seeing them gives me pause. it's unbelievable that that will always have to be an issue.

a mutation for less sleep holds much possibility. it's an interesting read regardless.

a penny arcade fan's musical tribute adds a certain... something to what is already a beautiful piece of work.

israeli breakfast

arriving at 2.30am at the moledet (מולדת), having a pastry and a chat outside and then a pint of murphy's for breakfast was a jolly good idea. now for a shower (lots of smoke in there) and some more sleep ^_^

stiff, sore, slow

the chef sorted me out with an excellent breakfast! i went to pick up my trousers, and bought the buffalos* cd. it's a fantastic album! on my way home, i went to the gallery next door to check out the latest exhibit - really beautiful stuff.

* i can't figure out why they changed their name - buffalo boots just seems more... defined.

i dropped the trousers off for dry-cleaning, did some super-quick shopping**, then made a snap decision to go train in spite of my post-training post-alcohol exhaustion.

** it always bothers me that the express line extends all the way into the aisle, so nobody can get past. today i set an example that people actually followed, and one woman was so impressed that she arranged for the manager to pull me out of the queue to pay even faster ^_^

it's been many years since i last trained 3+ hours two days in a row. even the kids and black belts who were with me yesterday were having a rough time... we worked really, really hard today.

i actually caught myself having a creepy dream while someone else was doing his forms:
i was giving my all to the punching bag [a big, twice-my-size one], and as i slowed down i noticed a few blood droplets forming and dripping from the bottom. on opening the bag, i found a dead body...

i limped home, showered, then walked to jeremiah for lunch / beer with karnaf. on the way home the beer made its presence felt, but in a positive, happy, singing-along-with-my-ipod way. i'd *just* stopped as i turned into my building, the cute neighbour on her way out flashed me the biggest smile :)

i woke up almost an hour ago to swedish chill sound system - mixed by rebel9 & arre, hung out the laundry (whoops), and got stuck online. now i'm trying to decide if i'm in the mood to go out or not...

looking for breakfast

still with a minor headache, but it's a great morning :)

i can't believe i stayed up so late - it's been a while since i went to bed around the time i usually get up.

sexy sounds
monkey island - maybe i should play again...
penny arcade takes on tekken
a disturbing indictment: how real it is may be debatable, but how uncomfortable it makes me is not.

narcolepsy

narcolepsy
i wake up once again
into this dream
the one where i remember that i used
to love
for a few brief moments
i grow back my eyes and my heart and my teeth

this time it will be different
this time i shall remember
i will not let slip, nor slide
nor let anyone else in to ruin my ride

i wake up once again
into this dream
the one where i remember that
i used to rage
for a few brief moments
i grow back my fists and my heart and my teeth

i shall not let slip, nor slide

i wake up once again
into this dream
the one where i remember that
i used to cry
for a few brief moments
i grow back my eyes and my heart and my mind

i cannot let slip, nor slide

i wake up once again

springs have sprung

springs have sprung
staring at my clockwork pieces
sadly, awkwardly strewn around
me
little, disjointed me
pushed and pulled and
stretch and squashed
the breaking smooth
a little shock and a laugh at a time
until the laughter is all gone
now the children stand amidst
my ruin
picking me over for parts to play with

clay mining

clay mining
too late i realize
that i have shared
all
with some bricks
in the wall

too late
i remember
i remember myself
my right to righteousness

that difference
that gulf between
fear
and life

those still stumbling in the dark
cannot find purchase with their chains
they cannot understand
what they cannot touch

chatter

chatter
we stand and talk
each voice equal
of love and hate
of hope and fear

we talk
equal, voices drowning out
noises of love and hope
drowned by those of hate and fear

talking, words without base
nor image, nor manifest
in defiance of our rendering
glassy-eyed lisp and stutter
mouths purging, swarms of flies
clouds, humming busily
not venturing from empty caverns
incapable of imprisoning them

we stand and talk
and believe in the power of
our loving, hating, hopeful, fearful flies

our slack speech
building chaotic, despotic worlds
which we despise, yet
like deep pools of dread-cold water
we dive into
from giddy heights amongst the angels

we stand and talk
flying and falling
and soaring and sinking
spinning, tumbling
to swim and bathe

our icy, polluted, oily words

engineering architects

and trousers!

i called up some engineers, who didn't understand what i was looking for. eventually one of them advised calling up an architect, and when i did that the architects didn't have a clue why i was asking them about an engineering problem.

so i'm really unhappy with the city council right now. why can't they just provide access to an engineer? it's not like the engineering branch doesn't employ any.

i went clothing shopping. i found a great pair of smart trousers and was most impressed when i tried them on, but for NIS 750+ i'm not pulling out my card. i went to fox next door, found myself decent pants for NIS 120, took those to my tailor (i have a tailor) and they'll be ready in the morning.

so i didn't suit up for "suit up day". oh, well.

i went to training, and managed to arrive almost on time :)
training was great, another one of the old crew arrived and we did some serious work. my left leg's improved dramatically (it's been useless the last couple of weeks) and in general i'm in better shape. our instructor even employed some of the techniques i brought back from south africa many years ago, and she didn't stop me from taking a couple of kids from another gym aside and re-training them.

even better was them understanding the differences and actually being grateful ^_^

the bus ride back was fun, and i spoke to both my cousin from the kibbutz (haven't been in touch in ages) and my mum. after the day's events my world is looking much brighter.

i showered as soon as i got in, then left for la-lasagna to have dinner with ru55, ze germans and a swedish friend. the food was great, and it was good to spend some time with ru55 before next week's wedding madness begins. after dinner we went out to a nice bar...

i ordered rum and coke, as usual. what arrived was comprised of two tall glasses and a bottle of coke, one filled with rum and the other with ice. the waitress didn't understand why i would've appreciated a warning beforehand - the way pricing in this city goes i was immediately certain that i was holding over NIS 100 in my hand. in reality, they charged me only slightly more than a regular rum and coke!

i've just got in, finished watching the second season of battlestar galactica, and i think it might be bedtime soon. that was more rum than i'd planned for, and after a few glasses of wine...

i was by no means drunk,

but i'd definitely had too much to drink by the time i got home (1.40am). on the plus side, that meant that in spite of the shite music i danced at my TL's wedding - yo, ho, ho and a lot of rum. i've been wondering, maybe i should drink more - is a drunken smile not as good as a sober one?

i can't help but focus on the irony that the army doesn't care if i drink myself to death, but psychotropics are a no-no. heaven forbid we should enjoy ourselves in a positive way :S

i've scribbled everything backwards:

the little kid trying to breakdance was highly entertaining. what he lacked in skill he made up for with balls and energy.
*everyone* dancing to infected mushroom - it always makes me smile. apparently, *all* these people have the potential to enjoy really good electronic music, but they'll look at me funny when i put trance on at work.

the first two or three drinks last night made me extremely contemplative, but in a warm, fuzzy way. i need that holiday... and some re-programming.

meat abuse - i didn't go for the steak, the wedding took place in a nice enough environment (the trumpet was a great touch) but damn, these people really know how to kill an animal twice. unbelievable.

the girls got upset with me when the dessert arrived: i choose good chocolate over women *every time*. they stopped being upset when their dessert arrived, at which point i got thumbs up and knowing grins :)

i sent spinnit an sms regarding the previous night... i realize that that was a stupid mistake.

to get to the wedding on time, i had to leave at 4pm to arrive home at 5.45... usually, i leave base at 5.15pm and arrive at 6. yay, public transport.
i got home, showered (i was absolutely revolting because of the heat, the travelling and the generally disgusting humidity), and rushed off to the next bus.
i made it to the designated spot at 6.30pm, giving me time to sit in the bus shelter and watch more battlestar galactica.

the workday ended with me discovering a big, bad bug that's gonna have me stressing the second i get back to my office :(

yesterday morning was highly productive: i managed to arrange a new system for our section that separates section mails from all the rest. everyone's excited, including our SC - who doesn't realize that the primary advantage is that it's now easier to ignore his messages :P

aside from that, i inserted an amusing little easter egg into my primary project (it shares wisdom with the user when he does something "unexpected") and organized my work environment. it was a fun day, and when i left i was actually excited for the first time in way too long ^_^

the "you're totally right" mail: i had an argument with my ride yesterday about something that she *knew* was right even though i'd brought it to her attention because it wasn't. i probably shouldn't have been as satisfied as i was when i received the mail, but there you have it: i'm human.

my day yesterday began with my ripping a button off my shirt. i caught it before i left, but without enough time to deal with it or swap shirts so i grabbed a sewing kit and fixed it on base. when nystire walked in and looked at me sideways, i commented that i felt like wesley snipes in demolition man, only with the complaint that i've got all the weapons training instead of the seamstress conditioning that could have been useful.

---
i would hesitate to say that throwing up on waking up is a good way to begin the day. i didn't give myself much time to spare in getting to my meeting with the suit, but i arrived on time with enough to spare to sit down and have a scene with the chief and cally [battlestar galactica] almost make me cry.

the meeting went very differently from how i expected. i've been running simulations of it in my head since last week's angry wake-up, and although i managed to get out everything i had to say i managed to do it in a manner that didn't stop the clock. i think things may just be alright... although if they aren't, there's not much i can do about it so i really shouldn't stress.

i had breakfast at movieing on my way home, and am now about to get involved with engineers and realtors. oh boy.

i didn't mention a really amusing experience - on my way home two nights ago i continued watching battlestar galactica on my phone... i didn't pause it to draw cash at the atm, just put the phone on the keypad. this phone is dragging me into a new technological era's attitude :)

awesome! buffalo boots has released an album! (the download is free if you register for the mailing list)

how very interesting...

... a night involving sammy, tal levi and spinnit. all that (and the current hour) in spite of having been so wiped out that i passed out on the couch for an hour after posting and needed coffee just so i could walk out the door.

g'nite.

opposite day

i was almost completely unproductive today. when i did start doing something, the systems went down... taking a lot of my other work with it as well.

i think i made up for it during the afternoon's section meeting - after i began to wake up, of course. it was suggestion time, and i actually had a bunch of ideas to share :)
our unit commander impresses me no end, every time. it really is a pity that there are two levels in the hierarchy between us :/

it's funny, no matter how crap things have gotten, i still can't help but to try to improve things.

one of the taekwondo kids paid us a visit around lunchtime, and inspired me to consider going back to physiotherapy. why not? why the hell shouldn't i take a half day once a week to learn new exercises and get a massage?

slow leak

that's the new tap being difficult... the real issue of this post is a metaphorical version:
my eyesight seems worse, and i can't tell if it's temporary because i'm spending too much time in front of the pc or permanent (probably also because i'm spending too much time in front of the pc).

last night, when i left nystire's place i thought things were foggy, until i realized that it was my vision and not the air. that's happened to me a few times, especially during the last few weeks.

"i'm 37! i'm not old!"