the battle pt 1

 the most important thing today happened in a single, blood-curdling moment, mr smear enthusiastically began the warmup for his first mma class and then walked off, and we were all out of levers to pull. there was drama, there were negotiations (about there not being negotiations), there were tears. there were pep talks.

and then, after gd had left the building distraught, there was a single moment of me and him, with me putting one word after another and praying for a miracle.

and there was a miracle.

a tiny spark, for what feels like the first time in his life, and he spoke to the teacher (who said all the right things), and he went back out onto the mats and he did what he needed to do. he learned stuff, he had a great time, we sat on the sides giggling, being amazed, and trying (and failing) to get a photo or two.

he's still not convinced about tomorrow's jiujitsu class, but i'm now standing my ground on the mother of all threats (no training, no screen time AND no getting out of the afterschool programme). i feel bad about having to do that, but i know and he knows and he knows that i know that he would much rather be training than in afterschool. and i know what i saw when he got off the mats.

joy. and pride.

we're doing this.

...

this morning was weird. i managed to make another first-aid dental appointment for tomorrow morning, and had an interesting chat with a head-hunter. i dropped mr smear off at school and put the caption guide together for the final edition of the latest page of the graphic novel.

then gd and i headed out to get to tahoma's mother's funeral, and the morning fell apart. we got on the wrong train and ended up in herzeliya, and on the way gd began to feel faint and ill. after further train schedule stress we ended up just giving up and going back home.

i had a weird workday, trying to do basic things with the circleci platform what they don't want to be done (and that many users before me have requested), and worked straight through until it was time to take mr smear to the mma class.

the class was 45 minutes, but we were out for about three hours.

i worked a bit between shower and dinner times, and then after bedtime dived in to try and figure out a solution. i eventually got it right, "good enough" even if it wasn't what i was looking for, and then i stretched a bit and watched matt rife's walking red flag special which was definitely not as much fun as his usual stuff. i think it might have been the crowd.

...

i didn't try to eat anything on the left side of my mouth today, and it's definitely not hurting as much, but i still think i might have an infection. i guess i'll find out in the morning.