analyze this

it's freaking me out that i still haven't been paid, and i need to borrow money to make rent and i'm not even sure it can be transferred in time.

---

i was definitely sick on thursday and friday, more than allergies and sleep deprivation could explain.

friday 28th:

working from the waterfront while gd handled a playdate, swimming (mr smear freezing afterwards, removing his only protection from the wind then walking really slowly), a pleasant temple experience in the evening and a very serious learning experience when mr smear found himself trapped in the net of the jungle gym, great great indian curry dinner with mom, early bedtime

saturday 29th:

starting my day with half a cup of coffee and heavy grocery shopping, gd taking mr smear to a playdate while i walked the city with our neighbour for a few hours, becoming quite convinced by the end of it that he's fully paranoid delusional / schizophrenic / whatever today's psychobuzzwords are. the poor dude's been really messed with, and not in the way he thinks, to the point where he pulled rubble out of his mouth to prove his story to me and i felt my own sense of reality destabilizing... i don't think he's dangerous, but he's definitely in need of some guidance and i really, really hope that i can be a positive influence. jesus fuck, this dude is smart, lucid when he's lucid, physically solid and good looking, and a mess - it's really hard to reconcile that shit as an outsider.

going to my mom's, mr smear waking up from a five-minute nap on contact with her bed,  some time with my nieces and great-nephew before helping my mom with her furniture, then returning home for dinner, toy story (gd's not happy that it's not canadian french like it says, but it's still french and mr smear's still following along happily), and an early night

sunday 30th:

a midnight wake-up for a wet bed, then waking up in the morning to another one

resuming toy story, pancakes, a long drive to a play-date that was great fun for everyone and went on far longer than expected (the mom had made delicious vegan cake, but none of us had considered actual lunch), mr smear passing out close to home and taking a long nap, me watching a fair amount of batman: mask of the phantom

a lazy afternoon of hunter x hunter (it's awesome watching difficult stuff and having real conversations about death and danger, he's not freaking out and he seems to be following the narrative) and toy story 2, a pleasant but very late bedtime for mr smear, then working on the podcast until

monday 31st:

now, around 2am, not including an important viewing of the first episode of the original thundercats series to verify that my purchase was worthwhile and hunting for the 2011 reboot

almost useless

still coughing, but slightly better in the sinus department. tired. a bit confused - or unfocused. i managed to get some good work done this morning, finally posting the code i've been working on and *pretty* satisfied that it's production ready.

---

then the plumbers arrived, and i couldn't get into anything while they were around. and they were around a long time. i sent the following letter to our landlady:

We've finally managed to get plumbers in to sort out the mixer, there was a problem with the nut used to secure it and it was so badly rusted they needed a hacksaw to get it out; there's no reinstalling it.  I will send you the photos of the newly installed mixer and the invoices a bit later.

Additionally, we asked them to investigate regulating the water temperature (changing bathtub mixers previously didn't improve that), which has forced us to waste an enormous amount of water over the course of the past few months.

While solving that problem, they discovered that the thermostat on the geyser has been broken, and so it hasn't been shutting off when the water's heated which might explain our very high electricity bills. The T&P safety valve was blocked on installation, and between that and the thermostat, it is not only dangerous but has probably done damage to the geyser itself. And as if that's not enough - there's no drip tray installed, so any leak would damage the wardrobe and all the things we're storing there.

It must also be noted that whoever installed the geyser did so really badly, and didn't leave any room for maintenance so replacing the thermostat became a whole story. When your handyman was here however many months ago and needed to look at the geyser, he had to force the covering board that they'd used to seal the geyser in, which is a very strange design decision; I think whoever installed it must have thought that nobody would ever need to access it again and any maintenance - like replacing a thermostat, or the element - now requires draining the entire geyser, pulling it out to do the work, then replacing it. This has been expensive and time consuming, and I suggest that you seriously consider having the geyser re-installed by professionals.

I will present you with today's bill and a quote for a proper fix once I've consulted with the plumber.  Having these kinds of problems, unnecessary expenses and potential losses is not conducive to reasonable enjoyment of the premises.

to which she most elegantly responded:

You leased the flat as per what was offered and as per what was signed for .

All the changes that you keep insisting to do just causes more problems

We spoke of mixers that you wanted to replace at your own cost nothing about plumbing issues that seemed to have arisen as a result of all your changes
The fact that you requested your plumber to investigate will now be for your account as I never gave permission for this .

this idiot is claiming that we are responsible in some way for the poor and unsafe installation of the geyser. either that, or that an undiscovered and serious set of problems with said geyser didn't exist as long as we didn't investigate.

it boggles the mind.

---

taking mr smear to the pool, though the weather wasn't perfect and he didn't want to come in with me. he did enjoy goofing around in the garden and we learned an important lesson about not giving up when we fail (catching little parachute man)

our neighbour bumped into us on our way back inside, and he was in dire need of an ear to hear and some good advice. i hope the latter helped, he seems like a good guy but he's deeply troubled and we don't know if he's dangerous or not (to himself or others). i hope i manage to catch him for a cup of coffee sometime.

kubo and the two strings is WONDERFUL. mr smear was lying between my legs on the couch and he fell asleep during the credits, we had a weird experience trying to wake him up just enough to pee before going to bed when he was fast asleep and i had to keep his head propped up while he was on the bowl... eventually gd managed to wake him enough to get the job done and then he passed straight back out again.

since pushing my work this morning, i've done almost nothing of value (okay, not true exactly, but nothing work related). i'm distracted, and my wife and mother both think i need to go back to working in an office. i'm hesitant, but i'm honestly not sure i disagree with them.

biting the hand that feeds

christmas:

a lot more morning telly than i'd like, new friends coming over for lunch,  me monopolizing the conversation (although it seemed to be appreciated, i'm confused)

finalizing and posting a new page!

another early night in the hopes of getting up early

boxing day:

another morning failing to get up early, still suffering sinus and chest issues

a grumpy, stressful morning trying to get work done and snapping at anyone that interfered (i'm embarrassed), a lovely afternoon with hido and fam (and dirk diggler), coming home in time for dinner, going shopping but everything was closed, watching coco again, showering mr smear and then his new thing of not wanting to get off the toilet when he's done turning into a tantrum and we finally got him into bed around 10pm but not before having to hose him down because he fought us trying to clean him up...

oh, the joys of parenting.

working really hard and making good progress until

today:

about 20 minutes ago, now heading off to bed.

"family"

it makes me sad that people i care about feel that it's okay to make fun of us, directly or indirectly, about our life choices. that they're so deeply entrenched in their beliefs that they feel threatened by our refusal to participate in something that we know is wrong, and will find any angle they can to try and pick apart a case that decades of well-researched evidence has put together.

a long time ago we learned some very important facts, or "uncomfortable truths", and we choose to do what's right for ourselves and our child. it would be nice if we didn't have to be on the receiving end of disrespect and passive-aggressive "teasing", or have people joking about us behind our backs. this is bullying, plain and simple.

it's a difficult call to make, whether to tolerate such unpleasantness or to isolate ourselves from people we otherwise love spending time with.

most people are ready to cater for all sorts of strange things, whether it's extreme interpretations of kashrut, or pretending that santa's coming down south african chimneys, but somehow find that a refusal to eat animals crosses a line and doesn't deserve even the pretense of accommodation or understanding.

any advice or suggestions on how to navigate this would be greatly appreciated.

merry christmas!

and to celebrate, our three-and-a-half-year-old hide-and-seek champion of 2018 had us all running around in circles and saw my brother-in-law get his hands really dirty-deep into the garbage, because he decided that hiding our car / house keys would be a fun thing to do. he even pretended to help us look for them!

i started today early, but not early enough to get everything done before meeting time; it was fine, though, and although it was a bit of a stressed morning i completed an important chunk of work by lunchtime before we headed to my sister's for christmas-eve lunch (is that a thing?)

the only real irritant of the day was that the handyman - for the second time - didn't pitch and didn't bother to get in touch to let me know:
professionalism: it's not just about doing the job well, and doing it on time. it's also about communicating properly with your clients. if you can't make an appointment, or you can't meet your deadline, and you don't let your client know in advance, it doesn't matter why you couldn't.

why is it so hard to find professionals these days? is there so much work going around that nobody needs the money anymore? i'm beginning to suspect that working as a handyman is far more lucrative than what i've been doing.

i must admit that i felt a wave of bitterness on arrival, not only is it unpleasant that nobody can be bothered to cater for the vegans and that even the basic things that should be safe for mr smear (who's deathly allergic to dairy) need to be checked again and again, but a couple of cousins were straight-up making fun of vegans and the sheer audacity of wilful ignorance is particularly frustrating when it comes from people you care about.

mr smear passed out just before we arrived but woke up on contact with the bed, and it took a long time (presumably when he hid my keys) before he was ready to come out and play. eventually i convinced him to get into the pool, though, with the help of my great-nephew's infectious water enthusiasm, and mr smear had so much fun that after however long - and we were in a long time - i had to drag him out fighting because he was shivering with cold.

the ride home was lovely, a beautiful sunset (at least, it was with my rose-tinted glasses) and the whole family screaming along to foo fighters hits, a peaceful evening and gd turning a potential online fight over identity politics into a really positive human reconnection.

i've spent some time trying to find an alternative to patreon - it seems subscribestar.com is the only real option - then posting this while deliberating over whether to crash early and wake early or try to make some more progress tonight. i'll probably crash.

the sudafed helped me with my sinuses all day, but wore off soon after getting mr smear to sleep (gd read to him about steve irwin and stephen hawking, it was really fun watching his eyebrows rise in wonder just before he dozed off).. still struggling...

anyway, all in all, it was a magic day. merry christmas!

the weekend

yesterday:

easy morning
walking to the vegan market, expensive but delicious
a proper nap
beyond meat burger sharing
mom visit
the princess bride and you can say no
hunter x hunter tension
fantastic swimming experience, lots of joy and laughter
friends coming over, curry club, buying coco and not regretting it
late but easy bedtime for mr smear, taking our friends home through crazy traffic
bloons, caffeine, chocolate

today:

still sinus-y

getting into bed around 3.30am after recording the latest podcast episode, waking up straight into wrong mr smear's bum, struggling to function while or friend's kids screeched incessantly, finally posting the podcast before taking forever to get moving, visiting my mom and shopping, then a desperate nap, then some swim time (great water, not-so-great wind) and a really cool few minutes just chilling in the deck chairs with mr smear

adventure time, shower time, tantrum time, starting a batman movie, then doing various things until midnight

still sinus-y

some days things work

for the last week i've been working on a new project for my employer, and i realize now that in addition to the horrific sleep deprivation, i was struggling to get into it because, quite frankly, i've been demoralized for a very, very long time. like, years. i develop software for a living, and 99% of the tools i use just suck. over the last few days, things are progressing in a healthy way, and i'm way more excited about this than i think i should be!

to add to this, sailor and i finally switched computers yesterday, and while there were a few little hiccups the process was by and large smooth and apple's migration mechanisms really did work as advertised. i'm working on a different computer, with slightly worse hardware, and the experience overall is pretty much the same.

i... am... impressed.

yesterday:

school holidays, no nanny and gd at the chiropractor? museum time, with an awesome interactive globe that mr smear was certain was going to fall on me. then home for lunch, then working and meeting with sailor, then the temple, then a really nice dinner at sailor's mom's.

during a deep conversation about parenting, i recited role models... forgetting that i was talking to people who know my mother and knew my father, it was interesting to receive a response of genuine concern.

this morning so far:

an actual good night's sleep in spite of unpleasant sinusitis.

burned

i'm TIRED. but i'm having a much better time working on the new project, it's actually kinda fun.

this morning i opened up facebook and saw a whole bunch of pictures from my 20 year high school reunion, to which i was not invited. i have to admit, that really stings. it's not that i care about those people - i generally dislike most of them - but that i was excluded from a once-in-a-decade event by people who i suffered over twelve long years of my life with? jeez... that's harsh, dude.

wednesday:

starting my day with a few hours of verifying that i don't rely on twilio for 2nd factor authentication - i received an email in the middle of the night informing me that my numbers haven't necessarily been reachable SINCE 2016 AND NOBODY THOUGHT TO INFORM ME. cheers, twilio, it looks like i'll be migrating away as soon as i get a chance.

so that messed up my day. i finally got started coding my new project, and was pleasantly surprised to discover that aside from a documentation detail that took me a little while to figure out, express-es6-rest-api is surprisingly solid. it's been a long time since i've worked with a boilerplate project that actually made sense.

gd needed a ride to her sewing class, but it was delayed so mr smear and i rode around in circles and by the time the three of us got home he was already tired and sleepy.

i vaguely recall joining gd for a little bit of the new mowgli movie which is fantastic, but mostly i was online "doing stuff" (which may or may not have included working)

yesterday:

i got a LOT more sleep than i thought, but still struggled to wake up.

a morning overwhelmed by the patreon debacle, which i only learned about because i finally regained access to my account and went onto the unofficial patreon subreddit to thank them for the advice and support

taking mr smear into the pool for a quick dip, then taking gd to the gym, meeting a new friend (who might be a good connection) and getting practically no work done because  our whole table was engaged in interesting conversations, including gd once she was done working out.

i've been struggling with a sinus / throat thing since the late afternoon.

i sat for a long chat with sailor before we tried (and failed) to switch macbooks, i helped him pack up his desk and drove him home, saw one of my favourite trance pizza people walk a block from his house wearing nothing but a bath towel, returned home for dinner, watched charlie brown with mr smear, bought the first season of spongebob squarepants for him, showered him quickly (he was super tired) and put him to bed and passed out playing the adventure time game and then eventually got up to work

and learn that sailor's NOT leaving the country for good because he'd unwittingly locked himself into his rental contract

today:

damn, it's 2.30am already. i think i need to go to bed.

saffer santa

this "white christmas" in sunny south africa has been getting under my skin of late. not only is christmas in the middle east generally not white, but more of a desert theme, over here focusing on beach sand would be a lot more appropriate. and if you think santa's climbing down your chimney - what chimney?! how the heck is he getting through your burglar bars and trellidoors and electric fences?! how much is he bribing your security guards?! - if you think santa's climbing down your chimney in 30-degrees-celsius weather wearing snow gear while the reindeers try to fend of hijackers (do *they* wear balaclavas in summer?), you must be mad! not only that, can santa's sleigh operate in cape town's heavy winds? i can't imagine that him riding through a proper thunder-and-african-rain-storm would be good for those gifts...

... i wanted to post an image of a south african santa, but it's definitely not for everyone so if you're feeling brave just run a google image search for "santa mankini" and you'll get my drift.

remembering friday

i've just remembered what happened on friday, and why i subconsciously was probably trying to forget it. i took mr smear to a playdate in camps bay, gd wasn't able to come with and that threw out my plans to get a little work done while the kids and moms entertained themselves. around lunchtime we left, i didn't have food for mr smear and i badly needed to get to work...

... so of course, something had to go wrong with the car. a sound like grinding steel screeched from the left side of the vehicle and i pulled over on a searing hot afternoon to get advice and organize a towing in an area with little to no cellular reception. when it became clear that it would take too long for someone to reach us, i organized an uber and took mr smear home, had a quick bite to eat, then ubered back to the car to meet the tow service.

the noises continued as i drove the car up the back of the truck, but of course stopped at some point along the drive to the mechanic's. they spent a good hour or two investigating thoroughly, determined that everything was just fine and sent me home.

and by then it was friday evening, so i took mr smear to the synagogue for a pleasant service, then came home for dinner, and that was friday.

have i mentioned the fact that i HATE having to own a car? we desperately need better public transport over here.

a very, VERY weekend

i'm buggered. i've just uploaded the new podcast episode that was supposed to be up on the weekend, mostly because i've just now started recovering from the weekend.

friday:

[wtf happened to friday?] friday's over here.


saturday:

an enjoyable but short visit to the oranjezicht market to be stood up by friends whose kid passed out on the way there, a frustrating continuation at the waterfront

[afternoon missing]

driving through to hido's mom's place, heading off the the unity reunion, some great conversations and an enjoyable night of great tunes and re-meeting old buddies

sunday:

partying hard - and feeling old - until the club shut down around 3.30-4am, riding home with hido, a quick reset and driving home with difficulty (i was so tired i was having trouble focusing my eyes, so the whole ride home was a battle and i was perpetually on the verge of pulling over on the highway to rest). finally getting home, showering and passing out

a not-much-recovery day. gd managing a fair chunk of the morning, my mom coming over to babysit in the afternoon so i could go to the gym and get some work done, working a bit but then being recalled to open a jar (which ended up not being an issue), a quick visit to the pool before shower, dinner 'n bedtime

monday:

working hard from early in the morning and then discovering that the meeting was cancelled, enjoying a short pool session and realizing for the first time that i couldn't get tattooed while my son's on summer vacation (i spoke to the artist yesterday morning, he was really great about it)

leaving mr smear with my mom and driving out to wellington to a beautiful, enjoyable wedding in spite of the heavy heat (how did we survive the "hora"?), good food and an inspiring conversation about charity and education before we left

a worrying moment *just* before reaching the big gas station, but everything appearing to be alright.

arriving home just as mr smear was falling asleep, 

yesterday:

up until 2.30am struggling with various support agents, trying to regain access to my patreon account. what a freaking nightmare

a relaxed morning

actually making proper work progress

dropping mr smear off with our friends' babysitter, working from my mom's coffee shop while gd shopped, coming home and crashing for a couple of hours, heading back to pick up mr smear and chat a bit, returning home, showering mr smear and continuing the developing bad habit of playing the adventure time game, mr smear's pre-bed meltdown that turned into a learning opportunity, my relief tempered by his whispering "i want to break the world" when i recited my usual blessing that includes, in hebrew, "fix the world"...

more bloon-killing, then finally getting into the new podcast episode and really enjoying the analysis

today (wednesday morning 2.45am):

patreon support finally got back to me! let's see if they help. it looks like my youtube post will be ready in five minutes and i'm WAY overdue getting back to bed.

tools of oppression

gd was just insulted on social media by a bunch of ignorant kids, and i thought i'd share my response here:

---

wow, you guys aren't just ignorant and illiterate, but really insulting and rude. and the fact that finds your responses amusing is very telling.

let me break it down for you virtue signallers.

1. your sexual orientation and identity is your business, your right, 100%. it's cool that those rights are being protected over religious rights, about time.

2. justin trudeau's so far demonstrated that he's more interested in making buddies with canadian muslims than with protecting those gay rights you feel are so important. to the point where canada's letting that particular religion run free in spite of canada's wonderful-in-theory laws. you're cool with gay rights on paper, does that make you cool with trudeau letting honour killings and homophobic aggression continue within that one particular community? he'll listen to them before he cares about lgbtq++!#$%. ari was pointing out why it's not a good idea to get excited about him, he's a trendy new face on old politics.

3. we live in a society that's badly damaged, and instead of trying to heal the damage we're just pushing as hard as we can on the other side of the see-saw to an opposite kind of oppression.

4. identity politics is a big part of this, when you start playing that game you're literally doing precisely what gay rights was initially fighting against, which is labelling and treating minority communities differently. we should all be respectful towards one another, regardless of sexual orientation or identity, regardless of minority status. encode THAT into law. you want to fix shit, fix it. you're lgbtq+ whatever? whatever works for you.

5. your gender identity and sexual orientation do not define you. you're bigger than that. you're your culture, your values, infinitely more than those two simple, should-be-irrelevant axes. they're only relevant as tools of oppression, so instead of pandering to those who would oppress you, leave the labels and fight for human rights for everyone.

6. you might hold all the power over your little feed, flame wars and fighting soft targets like people who actually try to have a conversation with you, but in the big picture you're little people with little impact. hurling accusations? check yourself, little people. let's see you talk like this face to face. don't name-and-shame allies because you're angry with the people who really oppress you but don't have the power to deal with them directly.

rewriting history

it's been bothering me for a little while that there're a lot of posts i haven't redacted that are still linked to by my pages - so if you've ever read my post entitled "summary: the vegan hypocrisy", i've just updated it because i was very, very wrong.

quitting smoking the smart way

[this is actually a repost from june 2010]

the easy way? crap. or at least, for myself and most of the people i know: crap. we don't care about the fear, and we most certainly don't care about the health issues. how do i know this? because we wouldn't have started otherwise.

here we go with the basics: nicotine increases serotonin secretion, so when you're a smoker who's not smoking, you're less happy. or not happy at all.
what tends to happen is that a smoker will witness something that he would have enjoyed otherwise, and to compensate has a cigarette.

this way, the cigarettes become event based. first cup of coffee? cigarette. finishing a great meal? cigarette. beautiful sunset? cigarette. sex? cigarette. even those events that produce serotonin without the use of nicotine are improved by it, so experiencing the same without feels less... satisfying.

additionally, we don't actually enjoy smoking. what we enjoy is the immediate rush.

to make matters worse, the more-than-casual smoker has developed something really insidious: the internal loop that counts down to the next cigarette. whatever you're doing, you're simultaneously thinking of the next smoke break. the good news is that you take breaks - something non-smokers need a better excuse to do, and that's healthy both mentally and physically. the bad news is that when you do eventually manage to stop smoking (an aggravating procedure that only takes about two weeks*) you have a loop that keeps counting down to... nothing.

you can't stop that countdown, so you've got to re-purpose it. i can't tell you how to do that: every person has his own way. sports, art, whatever - just don't turn to food as an answer. exercise will give you the buzz; i'm guessing almost anything interesting / challenging will do.

so that's all the rationale for "the fisher king method":

step 1. pay attention to how little your body appreciates each and every cigarette. no, that's not the taste of meat and potatoes. your lungs do not appreciate the intrusion.

step 2. make sure that you have a support system in place for when you actually quit. make a mantra of "i'm irritated because i'm quitting", because you'll find yourself horrifically aware of everyone else's faults for the two weeks - and the problem is with you. go to the gym, or set up a punching bag in your living room.

step 3. take up a sport - the more extreme the better - or art, or hobby, and go for walks in pretty places. you know - live. and assign your inner loop to whatever you've chosen. hell, if you assign your loop to reading books, you'll suddenly realize that you have tons of time for the classics; the same goes for movies. i hesitate to add cooking to the list, because that could turn into a proxy for replacing smoking with eating.

if any of those steps are a real problem, then just carry on smoking. there's no point in going through life miserable.

* it takes about that much time for your system to realize that there's no external stimulus coming, and that it'll have to take back control of the serotonin release functions.

radio silence

i've been working for my present employer for four months, and for most of those i've been struggling with something that should be pretty damned basic. i've been through countless documents and tutorials and solutions online, the only thing that's worked has only worked when running on a very particular server. nobody's offered me a hand, and on the few occasions that i've posted my code and asked for a review i've received nothing but silence.

so yesterday i asked for another pair of eyes, and this morning i repeated that request - my lead's response was to take over the project and put me on something else. i'm very frustrated that he has time to take over the project, but hasn't been able to spare me a few minutes somewhere along the line to lend me some guidance.

i was excited when i signed on that i'd be working for people with a better understanding of remote cooperation, but i guess i was wrong :/

monday:

chai mitzvah, a fascinating discussion about social laws and inspiring me to see god's evolution along with man through the history of the torah. man is made in god's image, but god is made in man's, and the wrathful, vengeful god from the dawn of humanity appears to develop and mature along with us.

tuesday:

waking up with anxiety because somebody had said something deeply concerning the evening before (trying to enforce certain pronouns), writing (and rewriting) a long letter before being able to return to bed

being with gd for her epidural, arriving late and then waiting for no reason because the receptionist didn't tell us she could go, the doctor making a point of showing me what he was doing and gd feeling a lot of pain (even before he actually made contact) and going into shock

taking mr smear with me to the temple's agm

we're in the car, looking for a parking spot. "did you find a space to live, daddy?"
i was confused, and a little concerned. it took a few repetitions to realize he's confused "lachnot" (to park) with "lichyot" (to live)

wednesday:

waiting at my mom's for the unprofessionals to arrive, showing them how bad the job they'd done was and then showing them the door

mr smear's last day at school, he was pretty chilled about it and of course wouldn't say goodbye to any of his teachers, all of whom were particularly emotional because the school's shutting.

mr smear's second swimming lesson, complete disinterest and responding "no" to everything until i found the right motivation: i told him that paddling is what aquaman does, and he's now really good at it...

coffee with my mom, then home to shower and eat and sleep

today:

around 2am waking up with really bad rls, gd helping me with a painful leg massage

waking up really early to get a couple of extremely frustrating work hours in, effectively crashing when mr smear woke up but gd was out of it so i had to manage him myself until after the nanny arrived. i gulped down some coffee for the disappointing meeting i mentioned at the beginning of this post, then drove through to sea point to meet the president of our congregation for a long and interesting conversation about ideology, judaism, and things we can and should do for the benefit of the community at large. i then drove through to town to pick up the mixer that i ordered a few weeks ago which only arrived today, arranged for the handyman to come and install it soon and realized a bit later that we're not supposed to be doing any work in the apartments for the next month (i'll claim it's an emergency, which it kinda is). i then met with sailor for lunch and coffee and strategy for a couple of hours, then stopped by the mall for grocery shopping and to test a new patent screw length (worked perfectly), then came home and lay down for a bit.

massage tool + pressure point = rls relief (albeit temporary), but later mr smear had an "accident" in the shower (fortunately he jumped out of the bath bucket before it dropped) and i properly put my back out cleaning up... (although i think it's recovered a bit since then)

now i've got a whole bunch of shit to do, and zero motivation to do almost anything. i need a freakin' break.

...

i feel like crap.

a weekend with no end in sight

i refuse to work on the sabbath, unless it's work that inspires me. my sonnetcomix project inspires me, so i dedicate my "downtime" to it when i'm not actively running around after mr smear or playing games with him (video games and books are primarily daddy's domain). but this weekend's efforts were hard, i've made a whole bunch of teespring mugs only to delete them because the two people i trust most were disapproving of the results.

and then yesterday, while putting together notes for my podcast (see header above for links), i discovered that there's another important chunk of background material that one needs in order to fully "get" the sonnets, so that's gonna be a thing.

...

friday:

a long, rough day trying to wrap my head around weird promievent behaviour

mr smear slept through the temple service on friday evening, but woke up for dinner.

saturday:

how did we end up going to the waterfront mall on a saturday? i was pleased to see that there's a graphic novel adaptation of the odyssey available, but mr smear's a bit young for that kind of visual violence so we went with a spongebob comic which he's now very possessive about. faraway birthday parties and gd at a friend's bachelorette. candlelighting and early bedtimes for me and mr smear, at least.

yesterday:

mr smear's learned the title sequence to he-man / masters of the universe, but...

a great plant lunch, sailor coming over for a visit and then a big and enjoyable family evening at my aunt's in memory of my grandfather. and then a very long night sorting out the latest podcast episode

today:

an early morning, achieving success before rushing to the gym and joining the weekly meeting a few minutes late, a long coffee with a gym friend discussing cryptonomics, a good workout and then... work.

birthdays and busies

let's go backwards?

the past few days have been rough, i've been exhausted and worn out no matter how much sleep i've gotten and it's been really hard to get much work done. i have had some success, work-wise, but not as much as i'd like.

this morning so far:

lots more house music reminiscing than working

yesterday:

a sudafed and a caffeinated chocolate before starting this post

unpleasant post-social-media-fail tension, mr smear falling asleep between gd reading to us and me grabbing the next book, hannukah candle lighting with a friend and her kid, the frenemies either getting along great or fighting

rushing to pick up emergency groceries before load shedding, which was cancelled

tough debugging at my mom's coffee shop

our neighbour locking himself out of his apartment without his phone

picking up mr smear late because i'd been so into publishing my work

a solid morning of work after doing some campaigning

dropping off mr smear with gd and telling the teacher how we met

a couple of hours trying and failing to wake up early to work

wednesday 5th:

drinking a strong cup of coffee before working but crashing anyway.

an enjoyable drink (and dinner) with dystopia and schpat

the most important thing was mr smear's first swimming lesson in a couple of years, after falling in the pool a few weeks ago he was terrified but i managed to negotiate him into the water, and after a lot of cautiously trying to get him to have fun he finally relaxed and by the time we were done he didn't want to leave - the relief was immense

a play-date at our house with the kids doing their thing while we talked and i got practically no work done

a decent gym session before work and hitting the punching bag for the first time in ages, getting no work done because i spent the morning discussing blockchain strategies with a friend and dealing with (and stressing about) medical insurance for gd's next epidural (turned out the timing was really lucky AND the GAP insurance proved helpful)

tuesday 4th:

the sadness learning that the arthur's road synagogue burned down

tuesday morning lost to a neurologist visit with gd and then waiting at mojo market for literally no reason and having to rush home to let the cleaning lady in

monday 3rd:

waking up early to the party still going until the rain started, but finally finishing the podcast episodes

monday / tuesday integrating and being really happy with my coworker's changes

sunday 2nd:

night partying

feeling the sunburn while running around the company gardens with mr smear

taking mr smear to see my great aunt and her daughter and granddaughter and walk along the beachfront, remembering to put sunscreen on mr smear but not on myself

saturday 1st december:

beyond meat burger at the vegan market,

friday 30th november:

running to get to the jolly roger on time, missing it, trying to work while gd shopped, rushing to return to the jolly roger and hitting heavy lunchtime traffic, missing the boat but getting a short ride after a quick bite and a refund

a big family dinner that was generally fun, my disappointment in my niece sleep-training her son, upsetting a camps bay homeowner with politics and later thinking about a solution that would've worked for both of us

the future is yesterday

how we think about superpowers and how we think about AI are very similar, our evolution has been historically fast but a lot more gradual experientially. look at us having a real time conversation with the hive mind right now, learning any skill we need as soon as we need it, telepathically pressing each others' buttons from around the world, slowly but gradually being assisted more and more by hardware and software that enhances and equalises (prosthetics, drugs)... one of the reasons most of us have a gratitude deficiency is that our baseline expectations have dramatically increased at the same time as our awareness has broadened to include ALL the issues around the world simultaneously, and our power to affect change hasn't caught up fast enough with our rapidly evolving need to be heroes.

crossover cable

managing to get up early to work, mr smear feverish and having to stay home, gd struggling with back pain, taking mr smear to the doctor and being generally quite chipper, dropping him off at home and meeting sailor for a long talk about free markets and decolonization, buying an ethernet cable and usb adaptor, heading to his "office" (shared workspace), being unable to connect to the device and then remembering that device-to-device needs a crossover cable, remembering that i had an old spare router at home, picking it up, fighting with shitty software for a long time before finally getting it right, grabbing coffee and chatting for a while before realizing that it was time to scram, an interesting chat about domestic violence with the uber driver after a seemingly successful dating intervention*, mr smear doing well in ink, a late but easy shower and bedtime, another half episode of castle, watching catch me if you can while destroying bloons, juggling finances, then finally - now, around 12.40am - trying to get some more work done.

* it worked both ways, i told sailor a story and his takeaway was enlightening: the moment a meeting is established as a date, chances are that it's either going to be successful or the end of the relationship. a date is really the wrong way to meet someone because you risk losing a potential friend. the best way to date, in my experience, is to forget about dating and focus on doing stuff that enriches and inspires you personally. you'll have richer, more meaningful experiences and you'll be more likely to form social bonds that will lead to real, healthy relationships.

building on decolonization

Cape Town is suffering from an extreme example of a syndrome that's plaguing the entire world, a syndrome that is caused by infrastructure that is geared towards supporting populations in the mid-20th century and that is woefully inadequate and inappropriate given current demands, let alone near and distant future demands. These infrastructure deficiencies - and inefficiencies - directly contribute to the extreme inequality of opportunity that plagues our nation, and while apartheid policies did have a role in determining which races are more disadvantaged the underlying mechanisms in play today are no different that in any other country where populations living in urban centres have more access to opportunity than those in the periphery. A reduction in relative poverty will also go a long way towards reducing the frightening levels of crime we face.

This is an outline of steps we need to take as a society if we're to uplift communities and move towards a reduction of poverty and general improvement of living conditions for all.

First, it must be noted that most of our economic issues can be attributed to government interference with the free market. All of our governments are plagued with selfishness, greed, ignorance and corruption, what we need is to wean ourselves off technologically as fast as possible. That's obviously easier said than done, but there are some things in the interim that our governments can do to ease burdens on both sides of the equation. The first thing is to let us solve our own problems without fining us, as we've seen in the Western Cape where we've been penalized for reducing our water use and for private solar power installations.

Second, we desperately need to let go of our ideas of “heritage"; if we're going to talk about decolonizing things, we should start with this. We don't need cities that look the way our parents remember them as much as we need cities that service its citizens. We simply do not have the resources available for people to live in houses in the middle of densely populated areas, urban areas must expand vertically and the wealthier citizens who can afford the construction and the commute costs can build their mansions in the peripheries.

Gentrification is not actually a problem, but a lack of affordable housing is. The less high-density construction we allow the less options lower income brackets will have, and we're forcing lower earners out of city centres and into expensive cars and commutes. That's an enormous unofficial tax in addition to everything else.

Any new construction in urban centres should have a minimum legal density, and as much communal gardening space must be provided as is practical, in particular rooftops and around the circumference of each level. Urban farming is an extremely important concept that must be encouraged as much as possible. It's also recommended that every large apartment complex have its own safe play areas for families; we used to play in the streets and know our neighbours, which was important for fostering healthy communities.

Low cost housing in urban centres is as counter-productive as any other kind of affirmative action, instead of equalizing populations it simply repositions inequalities along different axes. You might help a few families with low-cost housing, but at the cost of pushing higher-income families out and it doesn't make the slightest difference to the rest of the low-income families. If you're not making a positive difference for the majority of people, there's a good chance your solution is actually a part of the problem.

Government housing should be as dense as possible, and should be positioned as close to the city as possible. In Cape Town, we are very lucky to have two problems that can be solved together - that of available land close to urban centres, and that of exposed and unprotected train tracks. If we were to construct tunnels over the tracks and build large residential and commercial complexes over and around those tunnels we could not only have a defensible underground* transport network, but we could significantly reduce the load on that network by bringing people closer to their employment opportunities and infrastructure.

Third, we must embrace the remote work revolution. There are many sectors that can and should make a remote work option available, and companies should receive economic incentives to do so. There should also be incentives for companies to make products and services available online. This is not just to reduce traffic, fossil fuel waste and expenses all-round, but will go a long way to levelling the playing field for all income groups.

Finally, we need to completely rethink education. Most of our population lacks resources and facilities to learn and up-skill, and that makes it nigh-impossible to improve their station in life. Poor people don't need charity, they need to be empowered. Even if they could afford the time and money to learn, they wouldn't be empowered by sitting in classrooms learning theory; we need mentorship programs, available in their areas because people with no money or earning potential can't be expected to travel. Companies should be incentivized to send missions, mobile offices, into the poorer areas, to provide on-the-job training in practical skills. We need to subsidize mobile coverage for areas that telecommunications don't find lucrative, with free data available for educational websites and applications.

In conclusion, we, the people, need to effect change and create real solutions to real problems, without waiting on our government bodies to do it for us. We all deserve better, rich or poor, black or white, this is our country - and we're all in this together.

---
* artificially underground, of course.

headaches

headache? or migraine? not sure if sick, or allergic, or exhausted, or stressed, or dehydrated...

i got up super early to take the car to the mechanic, walked home thinking about homeless couriers, took mr smear to school with gd, walked down to my mom's coffee shop where we had chai while the hardware store dude took care of the patent screws, returning home, damaging a door discovering that the "professionals" who'd installed the locks hadn't used the same kinds of mechanisms at all, walking to a locksmith's and setting up my next tattoo session along the way, continuing the morning with hard, frustrating work, picking up mr smear who'd woken up from a nightmare and stayed in the mode - apparently it was about my brother being injured, so i calmed him down a bit by showing him i'd checked and he was fine - trying to get some work done at the coffee shop but the headache started, rushing out (fast, breathless walk) to the mechanic to pick up the car and learn that they'd replaced the light and spent ages on diagnostics but couldn't find anything wrong AND weren't going to charge me, chatting with my mom on the way home, detouring to the mall to do some emergency grocery shopping

godspeed you! black emperor while chilling with mr smear who wasn't feeling well

a little comics campaign progress with the illustrator, sailor not pitching so taking it easy and going to bed early (huh! it's just about midnight and i was ready to crash ages ago, why am i still here?)

argh!!

my work on a blockchain sdk is extremely frustrating, every step forward seems to come with two steps back. it's 1.30am and i have to get to bed, my head's cloudy with exhaustion and i just wanna get this damned thing DONE already...

a pleasant morning with mr smear, and a particularly joyful moment watching him beating levels in ink. driving home in a rush to get to the biokineticist when my car started beeping at me with no warning lights, prompting me to cancel my appointment and book the car in for a checkup in the morning (i need to take it there in less than six hours)

loads of distractions and general tiredness, sending future mr smear an email for the first time since just after he was born, getting some good work done before picking him up, a weird meltdown before getting in the elevator, napping when i felt dizzy (neck nerves?), taking little batman to the gardens and having a great time, convincing him to come down a wobbly ladder in spite of his fear and being super proud, but he chased that with some really pathetic behaviour after a little fall and halfway home i was losing sympathy fast, dinner and a shark documentary, a good shower and really nice bedtime (i told him his origin story), an episode of castle, then working really hard (ie continuing to bash my head against the wall)

moments

that moment at 3am yesterday morning when mr smear woke up yelling at me but before i could get to his room i hear him cry "i wanna c-calm down"... and he did.

sunday morning's coffee with my little cousin who's just got back from a year in israel, being really impressed with his views and offering him to mentor him in a project i want to get off the ground

chilli peppers for breakfast (falafel laffa) reminding me that it's been just over eight years since protoplasm and i travelled india together

the rush to get mr smear to school after a pleasant morning and him hurting himself getting out the car

calling a bike ride early because something's been hurting his abdomen and hoping it's not a hernia

slow struggles with wanchain development

putting out two more podcasts over the weekend, feeling really pleased with what this project is pushing me to do even if it did cost me a fair amount of sleep

a lot of frustration with the "theatrical three's" but also a lot of proud moments, even if i don't recall specifics

trains, planes and psychopaths

there's a stigma attached to mental illness which i find utterly bizarre. in my opinion, if you're feeling relaxed and at peace tied up with hostages riding in the back of a rickety, crowded van driving waaaaay too fast on a winding road through an empty desert that's liable to either flip or explode at any moment while everyone's yelling "slow down!" at the driver who's wearing noise-cancelling headphones and occasionally taking his hand off the wheel to point to signs on the glass behind him saying "KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON" and "BEWARE TERRORISTS", then you're the one who's absolutely nuts.

it's all the depressed and anxious and crazy people who have, consciously or unconsciously, taken stock of the situation and realized that something's not right but they don't quite know what to do about it.

i know most of you - some of you being the people closest to me on this planet - think i'm just full of it, and i get it, i get the desire to just dismiss unpleasantness as ramblings and get back to the day to day. what the hell are any of us going to change, anyway?

but acknowledging that there's an oncoming train really is the only way to get off the tracks. human history is one long story of evolution and revolution. there's hope on the dark side. there's always hope.

sabbath peace

yesterday:

dropping mr smear off together so i could join my meeting from the car, taking gd home, paying the plumbing supply store a visit, walking to buy paton (spelling?!) screws and working from my mom's, workman who were supposed to be there from 9am arriving at 1.45pm and expecting me to let them in, picking up mr smear and having him shadow me with his little toolkit while i fixed our bedroom door handle, coffee shop work and running into my nieces and rushing to buy stuff and get home

thanksgiving dinner with friends and a wired and tired mr smear who hadn't napped and was really rough, a pleasant evening once he fell asleep on my shoulder, working a bit before gd decided she needed a bedtime story herself (her first time hearing the written harry potter) and passing out myself

today :

waking up around 5.30 to scribble notes about city infrastructure, then working through until around 8am and becoming increasingly vexed with and stressed about my project, dropping mr smear off at school, picking up a gift for the afternoon, hitting the gym with gd, jacuzzi chats, leaving late to pick up mr smear and getting stuck in crazy traffic so he was almost the last kid left

porting my code back from the macbook to my windows laptop where it worked beautifully (!!!), checking it in before driving to a very active superhero birthday party in hout bay, a little too much sun, getting home, getting ready and taking mr smear to the gardens synagogue

an upsetting and insulting encounter with the community security, a bit of an awkward start, chasing naughty kids and then handing them over to my mom and mr smear's friend's mom while i joined his dad for the service, an odd service but overall nice enough, more chasing children but with added naughtiness, walking home through the company's garden in the dark, kiddush and struggling to get mr smear to eat dinner, showering, reading him to bed and being thrilled when he informed me that he needed to pee just as i was about to turn out the light (and he passed out right after he was done), bloons and dinner and early bedtime

after 2am

finally making good progress after two days of debugging, meeting people at the gym, lots of windy weather, a mid-week birthday party, the class party / performance not really exceeding expectations, some exciting podcast progress

kinda regret

midnight carob-covered turkish delight, tastes amazing, not sure how my digestive tract's feeling about it. that was after chocolate shot milk which chased salt water for the rls, but to be fair i think the mosquitoes were bothering me almost as much.

long day, almost missing my meeting, some work progress but struggling with bugs, sitting across the table from sailor's friend who recognized me from dinner last year and convincing the whole table to try the vegan lunch

mr smear and the case of his missing photo, a desperate nap and the struggle to make coffee after the nanny left, or brazilian friends at the super park and mr smear doing aerial obstacles without me

home for a he-man documentary and dinner and shower and bedtime and nodding off

strong weak end

it's just past 1am on a monday morning, i've just uploaded the latest episode of my podcast to soundcloud and am rendering the video for youtube (why the hell does imovie take so damned long?!)

friday 16th:

friday night at the temple mr smear wasn't the least bit interested in being inside - he was thoroughly enjoying himself running me around and playing with the rabbi's kids, and the four of us were having such fun it was ridiculous. he passed out on the way home, my mom coached us on walking him to the toilet in his sleep - the first time was weird but fine, the second time was hysterical because he was so deeply asleep he just flopped face down onto the floor and then dangled precariously off his little toilet

saturday 17th:

gd took a meditation course this weekend, which she found immensely helpful. while she was there on saturday i took mr smear to the mall to buy birthday presents and return crap microphones. i can't walk into a book store and not buy something for us, and mr smear and i started reading the graphic novel adaptation of the hobbit over a coffee and babyccino and we are IN to this stuff!

he was also quite satisfied with me being forced to exchange rather than get refunded for the microphones and picking up a captain america shield keyring. which became a learning opportunity because he loves it, but was sad about not getting a hulk action figure.

taking him home for some quiet time and lunch (and finally finishing the long earth - which is amazing until the last chapter, which was anticlimactic), then picking up gd and returning home with a sleeping mr smear, taking advantage of his downtime and resting before the rabbi, his wife and their daughter arrived for tea. translating one of rabbi nachman's texts was an interesting experience, and the kids (including gd) had a great time.

passing out getting mr smear to bed, waking up just before midnight,

sunday 18th:

and being unable to get back to sleep (rls), destroying bloons until 3am

struggling to get up and take gd to her class, driving to the other side of cape town for a birthday party, which was nice, relaxed and mr smear's allergy was taken into consideration for which i was very grateful. an amusing moment learning that the birthday girl had exclaimed "mr smear will love it" when they disneyfied her nails

rushing to leave to get all the way to gd on time - discovering i'd forgotten to strap mr smear in *just* before hitting the highway and having to find a spot to pull over - getting all the way there and receiving a message to say she'd managed to get herself home. returning home for a few minutes, then heading to mouille point for brunch at mary-ann's emporium with my mom. the food wasn't as amazing as i was led to expect, but it was definitely good and the experience was excellent.

*sigh* being fined for not having updated the car license :(

trying and failing to nap, then going to a park in heavy winds for our friends' kid's birthday party. for a couple of reasons we were the only people to show up, one of them being the wind, the other being the lack of warning, but the birthday boy's adopted grandparents offered to host us when things got too hectic and we not only had a nice time but our hostess turned out to be an editor and connected me with someone who might be able to assist with my sonnet project!

bringing the party back to our place, a freaky experience fleeing our apartment because our neighbour allegedly spilled turpentine and we thought there was a gas leak (i kinda suspect he's running a meth lab), a really fun evening that went on till late, eventually giving them a ride home and coming back to write and record the new podcast episode and get some paid work done.

quickly, it's the weekend!

this morning i heard a noise in the toilet and went to investigate - i found mr smear wiping the potty clean after peeing and emptying it into the toilet. i don't even know where to put all this weird pride. when i brought him home from school in the afternoon, he wanted to jump off a four foot high wall but didn't want to let go off my hands - until i explained to him that being brave means being strong even when you're scared, and he freaking DID IT.

on the other hand, he did suddenly throw an inexplicable tantrum when we got into the elevator. he's only three.

speaking of which! i republished my first recording - the background to reading the sonnets - as a podcast today and i'm REALLY excited by how it came out. please give it a listen!

---

it's been a rough week and i've had a really tough time getting any work done; both with the amount of functional hours i've had and with wrapping my head around what it is i'm supposed to be doing. i've had some breakthroughs today and that's a great way to hit the weekend :)

sailor came over last night, we had to sit in the garden for a while because we wouldn't let him bring dairy product into the apartment, and then we discovered that the security camera we've taken months to sit down and work with didn't come with a power supply or network cable in the packaging. wtf.

---

gd and i had a couple of trying incidents over the last couple of day and we were in the thick of it yesterday when i had a revelation: not giving a f*** is possible in a positive way. i've been saying for a while that people need to welcome diversity, but celebrate unity, and that's as true between a husband and wife as it is on a national level. the moment we had that idea in words, we simply stopped letting about our fundamental disagreement rule our relationship. long may this last.

---

my tattoo is officially past the three week mark, which is a huge relief even though it's another week to go before i can swim. and another three weeks to go before i do this again - what have i gotten myself into?! (O_o)

---

right, weekend.

not quite journaling

i feel the need to share my frustrations with gd's neurosurgeon, who never invoiced us (the emails magically went missing) and then set debt collectors on us with the wrong contact information. now he's accusing us of fraud, i'm ready for an entirely unnecessary legal fight and gd's freaking out because she's worried he'll interfere with her getting the medical attention she needs.

while i'm here...

i've been having a really hard time the last few days with a lack of energy, and i haven't gotten nearly as much work done as i should have. that hasn't been helped by really stupid obstacles to using source control (using sourcetree to connect to github on a mac is tricky).

today's tuesday 13th, mr smear wet his bed this morning for the first time since he began sleeping in undies and i'm pretty sure it's only because he wouldn't pee before going to sleep - otherwise he's been amazing the last few days, the potty training is finally done and his attitude and mood have greatly improved across the board.

on sunday i created my first audio podcast, which i'm really proud of, and i'm beginning to script the remakes of my campaign videos in the new format because it's so much easier to consume!

the weekend was mostly a long playdate with our friends who even joined us at the temple on friday night.

last week ended with finally beginning to make progress on the frontend project (for work) and selling the damned couch, so that was great. i think that not keeping track of the details has been healthy, if i've forgotten anything important, then **** it.

...

politics - more disappointment at the current activity in israel :(

boxing on a tightrope

i've just unfriended someone for racist comments, i find it ridiculous that from an entire history of humans being shitty to each other the takeaway by minorities who have suffered from it is "well, it's okay when WE do it". there's no shame in examining and even laughing at differences between races, sexes, and anything else, and no shame in enjoying the good ones. but there shouldn't be any "punching down" or "punching up" going on, not either direction. it doesn't take us forward. it shouldn't make us feel good about ourselves.

we should welcome diversity, we should acknowledge and accept what makes us different... but we should celebrate what unites us, we should look for our common causes. i don't care how unfair the world has been to you, if your response is to perpetuate the sickness rather than heal the wound you're not welcome in my feed, and not welcome in my physical space either.

the naughty corner

there's a level of awfulness i wasn't expecting to feel today, a day that started off around 3am with gd accidentally spilling fruit juice from her bedside table and then continued with a 6am wakeup by smear and his whining about which shirt he wanted to wear... he was uncooperative when i became time to leave and made me carry him to the car, then spent the entire drive to school yelling at me that he wanted his sandals on (which he'd refused to put on at the door) and to stop singing (i really hate that), and then launched into his now-usual whine of "i don't want to play with my friends". so i told him he didn't have to play with them, that if he continued to behave this way he wouldn't have any friends, and that he could spend his day by himself in the corner if he wanted to.

when i said goodbye, he was literally sitting on the floor in the corner feeling sorry for himself. i'm not sure if i did the right thing or not, but it really, really feels shitty.

---wednesday 31st october:

starting the day well, and slowly, lice drama when dropping mr smear off, driving gd to her not-hypnotherapy session and unproductively spending the hour fiddling with ssl certificates

sudden exhaustion striking on the ride home in spite of plenty of coffee, crashing for an hour, waking up feeling ill and learning that gd had been giving me decaf coffee all day without telling me we'd run out of the real thing

shopping (for coffee) on the way to picking up mr smear, finding him having an allergic reaction to something (minor, just a bit of a rash), dropping the two of them at home and heading to the coffee shop to figure out how redux works, chatting with the tattoo artist along the way (he's happy, which made me happy, although i'm beginning to be bothered by the shadow of the quill)

coming home to dinner and playing toy story 3 on the ps3, playing with mr smear for a good while and getting motion sickness (he was fine, if course), gd suddenly breaking out in a rash herself and having to rush her to the hospital, mr smear and i being forced to wait outside and entertain ourselves (fortunately he enjoyed my reading to him and playing hide and seek with a security guard)

getting home late, putting him to bed and crashing for an hour or two, then getting up with rls to care for my tattoo and create a campaign subreddit

thursday 1st november:

setting my computer to install a vm with elementaryos and going back to bed just before 1am with a sensitive neck, waking up restless with the rudimentals - soundboy killa in my head for an hour or two and then sleeping until just before 7am

[scribbling notes three days later, missing a lot and being confused by some of my phone's mis-captured words]

a good work meeting but a frustrating day at work, working out of the gym and the frontend code demoralising me, leaving the gym just after 4pm and traffic being so bad it took half an hour just to get out of the parking lot...

sailor visiting to work, too much talking but getting a little bit of sonnet comix strategizing going

friday 2nd:

a full morning of sonnet comix planning with sailor, intending to work in the afternoon but after picking up mr smear having to do a bunch of things (including shopping and take care of mr smear while gd got a haircut), then all going to the temple together

mr smear making us so proud, standing on the bimah for quite a few songs facing a packed congregation and singing at the top of his voice, then having a great time with the rabbi's kid and a bunch of other children

my mom joining us for dinner, watching daniel sloss' brilliant netflix special "dark"

saturday 3rd:

a full morning at the mall, promising mr smear a pirate ship cruise for my birthday, a really fun busking pair (and awkwardly but enthusiastically participating with a funny dance), nap time, joining hyperviper and his wife and buddies for drinks at rick's, falling asleep while waiting for sailor who never pitched

sunday 4th:

a pancake playdate for breakfast, gd helping me with a campaign video before we headed out to my sister's for a lovely afternoon braai and finally meeting my great-nephew (awesome little guy), shopping and gummi bears and a pleasant bedtime, crashing for a bit, working for half an hour,

monday 5th:

writing these notes for half an hour then returning to work (study) until 1.45am

a pretty decent sleep, a bit of difficulty waking up, mr smear waking up in good spirits but being really shitty when we arrived at school, being rude and not wanting to go to his classroom, then eventually (after i carried him over my shoulder from the playground) giving up once his teacher got hold of him

stressed for my meeting, but sharing my frustrations and receiving support, a little bit of sloss' dark with gd before heading to the gym for a miserable couple of hours (both the work and my sinuses), a really nice moment picking up mr smear who jumped into my arms, then a sad one as we arrived home and he got sulky...

a really good (virtual) meeting at the coffee shop, working while listening to joe rogan stand-up, coming home to dinner and half playing with mr smear and half working on my next tattoos, with gd giving me a hand

showertime ending in tears, followed by a surprising and sad conversation with mr smear who told us he didn't have a home - apparently he was satisfied with our response, but only time will tell...

bloons, downtime, pirates of the caribbean, mindless time, bedtime

tattoos, comics and sewing machines

i'm freaking out a bit right now, because i unconsciously scratched by healing tattoo (and hard) against a not-particularly-clean wooden surface...

---friday 21st september:

more phone configuration before dropping off mr smear
a good workout but barely getting any work done because it took forever to set up some things on my phone
mr smear removing a full diaper at school, and nonchalantly explaining what he'd done while other kids yelled "ew"
dropping mr smear at home
working at my mom's coffee shop
quick shopping turning into a full trolley
a rush to the temple
mr smear simultaneously funny and embarrassing
delicious dinner
easy bedtime
westworld

saturday 22nd:

3am till at least half past four trying desperately to get mr smear back to bed

an unpleasant rush to the doctor which almost saw me carrying a naked mr smear on my shoulder

a long waterfront mission including two haircuts (me and mr smear), incredible tahini vegan ice cream, chatting with one busker while an older couple danced to another, mr smear napping while [lost word] at the pharmacy and i chatted with my mom, sailor visiting us for his birthday, mr smear waking up around 6pm, a website for size charts, an alright shower and bedtime prep (including reading) but mr smear refusing to sleep for more than an hour and keeping us equally amused and frustrated with his adorable manipulations

half an episode of westworld, housekeeping, making an eft payment at exactly midnight that wouldn't go through because the date was wrong (wtf?!)

sunday 23rd:

finally going to bed around 1am

sunday morning unpleasantness before taking mr smear to the mall to pick up gifts for his friend's birthday party out in stellenbosch, a busily uneventful time which he enjoyed, him falling asleep in the car, getting him into bed when we returned home and then crashing for a couple of hours myself

coffee and company gardens with his balance bike, frisbees with strangers and running to keep up with him coasting along the pavement at (for me) scarily high speeds

reading hour : matilda, shower (burning feet) and sailor playtime, bedtime reading and soup and shakespeare and adhd bunnies

monday 24th:

going to bed just after midnight, waking up 5am to my alarm and managing to extract myself from an intense dream skating through montréal traffic on icy roads with a fully laden grocery cart - only to crash again repeatedly for the next hour...

getting a half hour of make-day prep work done, a morning's walk to tomb tattoo to get out helixes replaced, an expensive but delicious greek lunch in dunkley square, home to pick up cash and the stroller, back to tomb to pay up, home in the heat and making the mistake of picking up scorching coffee along the way, a couple more hours' prep, showering mr smear, a good chat with my old varsity buddy, mom visiting and not liking our "quiet corridor" requirement, joining protoplasm and his girlfriend for amazing curry at the curry club, managing to dive into work on returning home

tuesday 25th:

finally going to bed at 1am after a long struggle with someone else's compilation issues - but feeling really good about having resolved them

a long make day (7.30am-6pm), too much coffee and freezing cold with open windows and loads of inspiration and gd taking mr smear to school by herself on a holiday

big grocery shopping without a ready bag and an emergency diaper situation, the supermarket not have what we needed and an unpleasant changing station experience

easy bedtime, getting to bed early myself

wednesday 26th:

up a few minutes before the alarm, getting mr smear to school almost on time, a solid workout (mostly cycling), a relaxing jacuzzi, the embarrassment of getting my locker code wrong (at least i got the right locker)

a few hours of good work, picking up mr smear, lunch and adventure time tower defense

an all-wrong afternoon, walking halfway to the tattoo parlour then back then driving there then mr smear beginning a freak out that escalated (because i wasn't having it) which led to tensions rising

an hour of work at a coffee shop, a calmer evening (beginning the live action the last airbender), going straight to bed

thursday 27th:

a mostly good morning (helped along by the tower defense meditation) in spite of sleeping really badly, a good workout, jacuzzi, work progress, picking up mr smear, stopping at home for a few minutes, driving through to camps bay

a surreal experience being welcomed into the wrong house and shown to our rooms, not knowing what was happening and being very confused as to why we'd need to pay

a really nice playdate, the kids having a mostly good time and the parents an interesting conversation, mr smear's life flashing before my eyes as he ran down a steep hill that ended in an electric fence

the rest of the last airbender (fun, but i prefer the animé), an easy bedtime, work and "meditation" (tower defense),

friday 28th:

going to bed just before 1am, a long and busy day of almost no work done, gd having a great experience with not-hypnotherapist, a long time at the bank organizing her a debit card, a decent vegan burger from wellness warehouse, kak lucky tattoo pre-consultation, fast shop, picking up mr smear, napping an hour or two, panicking because we'd thought gd had lost my debit card, my turn to see the doctor (swollen jaw), addictively delicious veg noodles from great indian curries in sea point, straight to the temple for a pleasant service with some funny moments, home for great quesadillas

saturday 29th:

gd leaving for the temple, showering mr smear, joining gd, mr smear teaching his friend to yell like the hulk, generally a fun morning, home for lunch and a fight about fighting

laser hair removal actually feeling like i remembered, quick shopping, taking mr smear and his bike for a ride in the company gardens, sailor joining us, leaving for a bit during which i napped, coming back with thai dinner, mr smear asking for a shower, putting him to bed, a long evening chatting

sunday 30th:

crashing around 00.30 after removing gd's helix for good

putting together an important reddit page (or so i thought), getting ready for the picnic, a full house of three year olds, picnic in the company gardens, continuing the triple playdate at home, a quick break then heading to the temple for simchat torah, mr smear having a busy and grand old time

home late, easy bedtime, cartoonish kitchen, an episode of the monkey god (meh)

sinus headache at 11.45 bedtime

monday 1st october:

late for the weekly meeting AND having audio problems, a good workout (crying laughing at alcoholocaust), a big lunch and crossing items off my to-do list then launching into almost four hours of focused work and leaving at 5pm with some real progress made

an attempt at playtime with mr smear turning into toy box sorting, a straightforward shower and bedtime but mr smear taking a long time to fall asleep (and consuming lots of squishies)

rolling up dnd 5e characters and watching an episode of acquisitions incorporated, fiddling with my pc trying to get the audio drivers sorted

tuesday 2nd:

spending an hour or so either installing drivers or distracted while doing so, finally going to bed around 1.30am

3am woken by discomfort (mainly rls but also neck) but also pain developing in my wrist

up a bit later than planned, dropping mr smear at our friends' with his teacher babysitting, resentfully doing a large grocery shopping while hangry and short on caffeine, dropping off groceries at home, picking up mr smear's forgotten lunch, taking it to him, picking up forgotten food from the temple, stopping by the bank to learn that they couldn't help me with a wire transfer, filling up the car before the petrol hike, returning home just in time for the washing machine technician to explain that the machine was fine but we'd been using the wrong detergent

working until 2, picking up mr smear, enduring an insane tantrum and leaving him with the nanny to go and pick up gd who'd just had her lower eyelids and clavicles tattooed, napping a bit and waking up feeling utterly drained, coffee, work, showering mr smear, handing him over to the teacher when she arrived with his friend, heading to our friends' for a lovely evening with good food, drink and talk while (eventually) sorting out the details of our first 5th edition d&d characters, coming home to find both kids fast asleep

gd's infectious rage over our cleaning lady's incompetence

wednesday 3rd:

a really bad night, discomfort

getting mr smear to holiday school on time, a good workout but feeling weary, three hours chatting with a friend (some of it work-related), picking up mr smear who insisted he had a broken tooth just like his friend, gd giving the cleaning lady an ultimatum (do your job or lose it), a little work then playtime, a call from the owner of make while mr smear screamed because once again he hadn't told us he'd had an accident

falling asleep sitting up while reading mr smear to sleep,

thursday 4th:

a much better night's sleep

a surprise early morning meeting, mr smear doing the opposite of hurrying and then freaking out when i left the classroom

feeling good but drained, becoming progressively more tired as the day wore on

working a couple of hours then meeting my mom at her coffee shop to pick up boxes and do a grocery run that took an hour, rushing with gd to the bank to pick up her debit card and having to wait half an hour next to a repulsive snarly-snorter

picking up mr smear who'd had another accident, home and eating late lunch while destroying bloons then working a little before heading out to baby city and mambo's and the pharmacy

chilling with mr smear, mom joining us for gd's pizza, a quick shower and a pleasant bedtime although i needed to crash immediately after getting him to sleep

walking up groggy and bloated when sailor arrived, not getting anything productive done but the pill gd gave me having enough of an effect that the evening was mostly positive

(flu?!)

friday 5th:

a second very hot day

feeling considerably better in the morning, slaying bloons and pancakes for breakfast, getting mr smear to the doctor on time, dropping him off at school (mini-drama but then he just disappeared), getting back into work on the right foot, working well and succeeding, picking up mr smear who was playing with water with his friends, encouraging the little israeli girl to copy mr smear with a climbing challenge (she succeeded), negotiating him home and onto the potty (!)

some more progress with work, a quick run to the supermarket, getting to the temple just in time for mr smear to make us super proud, when he wasn't singing along to everyone's entertainment we were having a great time chasing each other outside and seeing how he fared on a fireman's pole (brilliantly)

seeing the transitioning family before their eldest's batmitzvah, a really nice dinner, a much needed shower and a pleasant bedtime

chilling and snacking and watching the big bang theory then going to bed at 11.30pm

saturday 6th:

a HOT day

from awesome to awful in one breath, a late start to the day, arriving at the waterfront with a sleeping (and heavy) mr smear and a grumpy gd, sore shopping fails multiplied and amplified by batman crocs

a cup of coffee while he played with a chair while we waited for gd, him finally trying on the new sandals and discovering they were too small, home for a quick (right) snack then heading to his friend's birthday party with waze not giving me directions and discovering a crazy circular route to nowhere through camps bay

a really nice party, good conversation, trying not to stare at some dude's incredible leg tattoos, mr smear's spiritual experience with his vegan cupcake, a struggle to get him out of there, dropping him off at home and heading to the waterfront to sort my phone out (turned out hibernation manager was the reason i couldn't connect to the network) and take a few minutes to enjoy mango sorbet and watch the harbour

bloons and dinner, sailor duet, quick shower, sailor reading humpas to mr smear a few times before i took over, great curry and watching joe rogan's new special

sunday 7th:

then jim jefferies until 2am while trying to stretch out against rls

up early, a good start to the day, playing with mr smear and jenga blocks for a while then rushing to plant for delicious brunch with a cousin; mr smear being mostly good and amusing himself, a couple of times making me join him for a run around the block

a dead long street on a sunday afternoon - it just seems like a series of poor business decisions

home for a short rest then heading downstairs to use the pool for the first time, freezing cold water but a generally lovely time, mr smear entertaining us and the neighbours until it was time to head upstairs

an emotional couple of hours that included a poop on the floor while we played with the lego, around 5.30 going to my mom's to help her with some things and returning a couple of hours later to watch an episode of fool us and put mr smear to bed... only i suddenly received a phone call from sailor to say he was downstairs because i'd unwittingly agreed earlier to go and see a movie with him

the labia déjà vu, blackkklansman was a great film until the last couple of minutes ruined it

gd's new ink inspiring me to use my body as a platform for expressing shakespeare's sonnets

getting to bed around midnight

monday 8th:

and then to sleep around half an hour later after putting adventure time on my phone

a pretty good night's sleep, a slower-than-required start to the day, dropping mr smear off and just making my meeting on time by stopping at my mom's coffee shop, working through the morning and then spending the rest of the day struggling with a silly problem

a late afternoon walk with mr smear through the company gardens feeding the squirrels

falling asleep while putting mr smear to bed

tuesday 9th:

a full day of work from home, only mildly successful, a fair amount of mr smear being uncooperative (and throwing up a little because he overate at lunchtime), a quick grocery shopping turning into two hours and messing up game night plans for everyone

again falling asleep while putting mr smear to bed

wednesday 10th:

up around 1am for two hours of rls, half lying in bed miserably uncomfortable and half failing at bloon destruction

waking up with a stiff neck, mr smear's cough keeping him at home, a big struggle to brush his teeth seeing me arrive much later than usual at the gym, a decent workout, mega-wire-transfer fail (my bank's UX for wire transfers is abysmal), work progress but not nearly enough until 4.30pm, picking up gd and mr smear and [word lost] potties and picking up her sewing machine from my mom's, olive branch shopping fun, home to relax, mom joining us for dinner, getting mr smear into bed, gearing up with bloons and coffee then working

thursday 11th:

until 1.30am

mr smear's rough wake-up (sick, gd let me sleep), arriving at the gym just in time for the morning meeting, working through until lunchtime, a miserably windy walk to the waterfront food market for weirdly delicious avo kiwi basil chilli rice, incredible vegan beetroot choc ginger ice cream, loads more work (albeit not hell of a productive) before leaving with a nauseating neck nerve-pinch

a quick shopping run, followed by chilling with my sick son while waiting for a meeting that never took place, a generally relaxed afternoon and evening, a long bedtime reading, mr smear falling asleep to the disconcertingly loud construction noise, watching the american version of death note (thoroughly enjoyable)

friday 12th:

another horribly windy day, my neck still a bit stiff but much less so

taking mr smear for his class photo, witnessing just how tough the photographer's job is... grocery shopping, taking mr smear to pee in a public toilet (he gripped the toilet seat with his hand, then my neck, i freaked), an exciting meeting with the tattoo artist

a couple of hours working (learning, and feeling a bit stupid by the end of it) at a nearby coffee shop, meeting hcc's father to pick up camphor shavings for gd, picking up challah, preparing mr smear for bed, kiddush with my mom, leaving for the milnerton playhouse

not the best writing, and one bad actor, but the first half was enjoyable. returning home before the second act because the chairs were hurting gd, mr smear still not in bed, heading to royale for burgers and a shake, overeating

bloons while gd watched death note

saturday 13th:

going to bed around 1am

early up after a decent sleep, a long and frustrating morning fiddling with youtube and patreon, interspersed with some great fun playing with mr smear, ["having everything" - huh? this android keyboard isn't amazing] and going to the vegan festival, a kind woman paying our entrance because we didn't have cash, an enjoyable and delicious experience all round, riding back to cape town for ari's friend's bachelorette's, taking mr smear down to the pool and gd eventually joining us, good fun all round except for the bit where he slipped off the ladder and i had to rescue him from drowning (the adrenaline totally annihilated all sensation of cold, and i hurt my neck and shoulder pretty badly and almost knocked his head into the pool wall trying to lift him up from below)

a pleasant shower, chilling and eating a really nice dinner (and discovering criss angel), a nice bedtime but passing out myself, resting on the couch until sailor arrived

our first recorded session for my patreon campaign was wildly educational!

sunday 14th:

going to bed around 1.30am followed by more than an hour of discomfort and insomnia, followed by giving up and getting up for a bit - finally going to bed around 4.30am

sleeping in a bit, some good family time and an important chat with my lead, staying the day with a waterfront mission, which was alright until mr smear switched into tantrum mode...

an infuriatingly long time getting from the waterfront to the museum, meeting up with some friends and spending a generally good afternoon together in spite of me needing a drink - which, by the time i got one - wasn't actually helpful as gd suddenly needed to lie down and i couldn't enjoy it *and* look after a three year old who insisted on running off and playing where i couldn't keep an eye on him

the kids playing in the car again and then coming to our place for a short visit, one they left it was an evening of recovery, including a wonderful moment catching mr smear in mid-poop and getting him to complete it on his new potty

big dinner, pleasant bedtime, maniac, bed

monday 15th:

up at 2am with a sinus problem, taking an antihistamine and praying it would do the trick

unable to get up early

a decent morning, even if a little rushed, a pleasant drop-off and giving our friend a ride to work, a quick chai latte and weekly meeting and a serious pharmacy run, a long consultation at the music store (nobody makes proper bluetooth microphones), being forced to walk a few blocks to draw cash for the parking attendant, the invigorating sensation of almost being crashed into by a prick in a fancy car and being fully ready to climb out and brawl

working a lot, reminiscing a bit with great house music, running late to pick up mr smear, working from our local vida and meeting another remote worker, realizing that i'd been going down the wrong path with my current task, a long and not entirely pleasant discussion with my mother who's mortified by my planned tattoos, triggering an upset gd, walking to pick up some groceries but getting halfway through them putting everything back because the local woolworths doesn't stock the most basic items

driving to the other store, making good time, coming back to some good potty training news but some uncomfortable tension, a reasonably fun shower ending in a tantrum that i handled really badly, a serious downer of an evening

tuesday 16th:

failing to make a patreon intro video, failing to sign raw transactions, failing to get into bed around 2.15am and getting up twenty minutes later with rls, stretching and killing bloons until almost 4am

a second particularly bad sinus day

up on time, getting mr smear to school on time, spending the morning practicing stress management (did i even get a little work done?)

a really exciting tattoo consultation after watching gd get her eyelid touched up, coming home to start my patreon campaign - https://www.patreon.com/fisherking - picking up mr smear, working for a half hour or so, then taking him to the green point park for a generally fun playdate with only a couple of minor tantrums

home for dinner (homemade vegan pizza) and my mom coming over to clear the air and show us how she'd damaged her arm

a comfortable bedtime, an episode and a half of maniac, coffee and then working hard

wednesday 17th:

until 2-2.30am, kinda managing not to freak out too much about the fact that my salary hadn't cleared on time

another painfully rough sinus day, more patreon campaign preoccupation, dropping mr smear off at school and having to return for his lunchbox, gd giving me a haircut, getting half an hour of work done before taking her to the chiropractor and making an effort to learn that i didn't need to go to the post office, picking gd up and going to the waterfront to buy formal pants i didn't want, the joy of picking up my first ten dollars from the campaign, picking up mr smear, enjoying kale chips with him but feeling suddenly lightheaded, weak and dizzy (gd apparently felt the same), getting home and lying down for a bit before heading out to the coffee shop to work, getting a really productive hour of work in (exciting), picking up heel balm and vegan frozen yoghurt, a pleasant evening with some big progress in the potty training story, a really nice bedtime (finishing matilda, starting the bfg), maniac and eating so much frozen yoghurt my teeth ached for hours, ari shaffir: double negative (good show), getting paid (a bit less than usual because i withdrew it six hours late), finally finishing my coffee and resuming work just before midnight

thursday 18th:

making slow progress, my left sinus really messing with me, finally going to bed around 2.20am

a snappy morning, dropping mr smear at school, stopping at home for a meeting and getting a little work done, taking gd to her sewing class, a bit more work, picking up mr smear early, picking up gd, stopping at home to get dressed, dropping mr smear off with my cousins, filling the tank and driving through to franschoek, arriving almost on time but in time for the main wedding ceremony, three or four hours of good company but no vegan offerings and I couldn't drink on top of my sinusitis, staying for the dancing but having to leave before the speeches and food (although we probably wouldn't have been able to eat anything anyway, even the basil leaves had cheese on them)

a trippy ride back in the dark, sitting with my cousins for a bit before taking mr smear home (hearing the disappointing news of my brother talking shit about my project), eating, showering, passing out

friday 19th:

mr smear's potty training progressing nicely, a little trouble dropping him off at school (antisocial behaviour when his friends use his name and not the superhero he thinks he's dressed as), hitting the pharmacy, grocery store and printer and all three involving lots of customers and slow service

home to work, getting through some fiddly rubbish (browserify) before going to pick mr smear up, dropping him off and heading to the coffee shop to do some work before grocery shopping and walking home with bags in the blasting wind, rushing to grab mr smear and get to our cousins to pick up his jacket then heading to the temple, mr smear being very into hulk smashing his way across the bima, lots of running around with other kids (and two cases of getting physical with a one year old, jesus), home for a great dinner with my mom and sailor, watching half of warcraft before passing out

saturday 20th:

a morning heavily invested in my patreon campaign, a long morning with mr smear beginning to get antsy... a surprise playdate, lunch and bad behaviour and feeding squirrels and terrifying birds and an albino squirrel freakshow

sunday 21st:

struggling to get up with a full sinus, beginning the day nicely with spirited away, trying to sleep a bit more, a friend bringing her son over and letting me go off to pick up meds (apparently the sudafed is what gave me insomnia) and get high off someone who's memorized the sonnets becoming excited by my reading

work (frustrating), unexpectedly seeing gd walking mr smear passing by and taking over for a bit (enjoying playing with him and his car in the sun), going home together for a great veggie burger lunch, returning to the coffee shop to work but after two network outages in an hour walking home to get the car and drive through to the gym

serious work frustration (progress, but meaningless) and being sad to have missed out on a beautiful sunday with my family, a mission to the waterfront, a very confusing chat with my team lead, dinner, shower, surprisingly fast bedtime, chilling for a netflix comedy special, a little too much bloon time and finally resuming work around 11pm

monday 22nd:

giving up on ES6 at midnight and getting an ugly but functional job done by 1.45, just in time for a github outage, getting to bed around 2am

a slow and painful wake-up
another difficult goodbye at the crèche, an okay weekly meeting
working from the gym, a long lunch walk in the heat for a delicious bowl
picking up mr smear and learning that i've developed a sense of detecting whether wetness is water or urine with my fingertips
a short rest with uncomfortable sinuses watching comedians on youtube
playing in the pool with mr smear in an effort to get him comfortable again
attending a chai mitzvah session with gd while my mom babysat
popping bloons while gd put mr smear to bed, maniac, exhaustion and crashing early

tuesday 23rd:

another really hot day

waking up a bit dazed from the meds, up and out to the grocer before taking mr smear to school, a relief when he said goodbye painlessly, posting my excitement about getting a tattoo in three days and being surprised by how rude my family thinks it's okay to be to me, struggling to tidy up my code and finally getting transaction sending right for the first time after almost two months

picking up mr smear, dropping him off at home, heading to the coffee shop to continue working, an unpleasant rush to pick up meds and snacks while in the middle of solving a problem, a quick shower and taking mr smear to our friends for a fun evening of dnd

home late but the sudoephedrine doing its thing

wednesday 24th:

crashing at 3.30 with monday's task almost complete, up four hours later, taking mr smear to school in a bit of a daze, gd fighting with my aunt over a disrespectful set of comments she'd made and my brother encouraging her and talking behind my back (my family doesn't care for my interests and doesn't approve of my getting tattoos), working really hard at the gym and publishing my first npm package just before lunchtime, a good meal at now now but a crap smoothie, an hour of struggling with the next task before heading to pick up mr smear and having to wake him up from what looked like an amazing nap

stopping for coffee, then driving to my mom's to pick up fans, taking mr smear to the company gardens on his plastic bike to feed squirrels, home and poolside (the water was great), jiu-jitsu videos and curry club dinner, a post-showertime argument with mr smear over whether cream kills mushrooms, nodding off while reading him to sleep

thursday 25th:

a rough night with mr smear waking up in a 20 minute mystery tantrum, an early morning but getting very little work done, dropping mr smear off late and barely joining my meeting on time, grocery shopping and a quick leftovers breakfast at home (omg curry club is amazing), a good few hours working from the gym, getting mr smear home and continuing to work at the coffee shop, picking up aftercare ointment and coming home to take mr smear to the pool, a long struggle trying to get him to overcome his fears but making a bit of progress, a great dinner, seeing past two magicians on fool us, a positive shower, preparing to live stream, watching a whole bunch of bill burr and louis ck videos (the latter somewhat less funny because we now know how close to home his jokes are), feeling ill (was it the liquorice?), getting about an hour of work in before going to bed around midnight

friday "the big day" 26th:

a generally good start to the day, live-stream failing for the first half hour but the rest successful, a generally manageably painful tattoo aside from one intense moment halfway and the last ten minutes were so painful I became faint

picking up mr smear with gd, a moment for lunch, a mission to pick up seitan and chat with two people about my new ink, a drive through to the doctor in sea point, picking up kimchi at the spar and meds at dischem (an interesting chat with the pharmacist's assistant about orthodox hypocrisy right next to a rabbi's wife), rushing back home to pick up mr smear and get to the temple, mostly running around outside, the rabbis' surprising interest in my ink and projects, leading our friends home for dinner, my mother's impressively calm response to the new tattoo, a lovely standing dinner and a great evening

the wrapped tattoo irritation

saturday 27th:

aftercare instructions plus rls for the loss

getting a little sleep in, cleaning up the ink and being very happy with the results, a morning monitoring social media, taking mr smear to the company gardens, the little homeless kids attaching themselves to him and his plastic motorbike, walking him through his apparent fear of dinosaurs, followed him teaching a stranger about the dinosaurs and the kid's father gripping me by the elbow of my new tattoo arm to chat about childhood memories of the place

literally running around upstairs until mr smear had a potty training accident, cleaning up and going home for lunch, bloons, and no naps

a waterfront mission for a birthday book (of course i bought a copy for mr smear too), quickly picking up groceries and having to protect my ink while in a long queue next to a family with no sense of personal space...

picking up mr smear and meeting his friend at green point park, trying to stay in the shade and talking the ears off his playdate's dad and our old neighbour, mr smear peeing next to the car before we left (so proud) and passing out when we arrived at the temple

a pleasant evening, having a coffee with sailor, mr smear's boundless energy, being cornered by a granny and her photos, mr smear participating in the havdalah ceremony, home, shower, crashing while reading

and midnight rls

sunday 28th:

a beautiful day overshadowed with unnecessary tension, a fun birthday party in camps bay, a nap (for me), finally putting out a second sonnet analysis video, gd taking over the bedtime detail, going to bed early

monday 29th:

managing to get up and out of bed at 5am in spite of having been in the middle of a dream, working for a couple of hours until taking the car to get a light repaired (gd handling the morning and taking mr smear to school), working from the gym and making very slow progress, a falafel laffa break on a miserable day, another few hours of work but with so much waiting finding time to get minor chores done

getting home in miserable weather and not doing much, a generally okay evening and pleasantly reading mr smear to sleep, watching seth rogan's hilarity for charity and finding it utterly boring

tuesday 30th:

fifteen minutes of convincing my son that he needs to go to school if he wants to work with me, eventually promising him that i'd teach him something in the afternoon

coming up with some ideas for the next three tattoos

working from the gym (freezing), picking up gd for a feedback session with the primary concern being mr smear's refusal to respond to his name instead of the character on his shirt

tattoo itch part two

mr smear hurting my feelings before i headed off to the coffee shop to work, feeling exhausted, getting little done aside from arguing with a conservative idiot in the comments of a post in which i was ranting about a neo-liberal idiot

quick shopping, home, taking mr smear on his balance bike (against his will, he wanted his plastic bike, but he enjoyed it) and teaching him about winning and losing, forgetting my sweater and freezing in the wind

alphabet puzzles, a pleasant shower and gd taking over bedtime until the end when i had to explain that i needed to work and he couldn't help me yet...

and evening of coffee and comedy and a little bit of work,

wednesday 31st:

and posting this, and now going to bed soon (it's 00.30)