happy holidays

well, mostly... i can't believe 2017 is over already. no idea what that even means.

tuesday 12th:

getting a little work done at breakfast time before taking gd to the acupuncturist, entertaining mr smear for an hour then picking up gd and dropping the two of them off at home to mr smear's terrible sadness that i was leaving

arriving half an hour early, enjoying a cup of coffee and scribbling notes; a very positive meeting with my accountants - a great weight off my shoulders - and returning home to put mr smear down for a nap. that took quite a while and hurt my back so i needed one myself afterwards, a short one doing the trick and getting some work done before taking mr smear to the doctor to inspect his foot. a big grocery shopping that took everything i had, coming home stressed and tired and irritable

a little work while gd cooked and mr smear terrorized, then off to the temple for a really nice first night hanukkah celebration: well-geared towards the kids, and mr smear inserted himself into a magic show in a way that had everyone in stitches

candle lighting there, then at home, gaming mr smear to eat gd's fake-mince concoction (delicious!) and passing out while putting him to bed

wednesday 13th:

waking up at 3am for an hour and a half of work, 7.30am struggling with resilient couch bugs and mr smear being tough to distract

the horror of learning from the nanny that my toddler had stood on an unwatched baby at the park (apparently not maliciously?!)

a long time being unable to work until mr smear was taken out, a visit from the couch expert to confirm that we have a factory defect, beginning a heavy refactoring before heading out to a test follow up at century city that turned out to be a fun hour, then coming home to a toddler who hadn't napped and taking him out to the aquarium for a fun and sociable rainy afternoon

my mom joining us when we got home for candle lighting and bedtime, giving me a little space to work

working solidly through the evening

thursday 14th:

crashing at midnight, sleeping badly (hurting my neck) waking up around 6am to investigate the noise and eventually giving up

working hard while mr smear occupied himself in the background, taking gd to the chiropractor again and mr smear for a walk and a mosy into a second hand book store, laughing hysterically and uncontrollably as gd navigated her superstition while i walked through a tunnel, not bothering to explain scientific vs anecdotal evidence to a "nature store" owner who apparently knows everything

picking up diapers and ordering a "window sock" from baby city, coming home stressed and being relieved by my mom - she took over so that i could go to her place and work, giving me just enough space to finish a particularly tricky refactor

damaging a coworker's git repo right before rushing out on an adrenaline-fueled mission to organize gd's visa documents, getting them copied then notarized, while transporting mr smear home in the middle of it all from my mom's

hunting down a surprising and tricky bug on staging, struggling with a particularly naughty mr smear all through emergency shower time (nothing quite like checking a diaper and grabbing poo that had slid upwards), dinner time, and a bedtime that irritated the crap out of me almost as much as being eaten alive by the damned mites that two sprays hadn't handled

at least i managed to get him to remain in bed without having to stay until he fell asleep

self-care, work, and a long session of git coaching that got very positive feedback

friday 15th:

working until 1am, getting up wired, tired and ready for bed

being woken before 7am to fight about couch bugs, a little littlebigplanet and then some very serious cleaning - and attitude from our nanny / cleaning lady, things get weird when *i* have to teach someone how to vacuum effectively

twenty minutes of work that was actually productive, then quickly picking up gd and mr smear and meeting friends at plant; round two of mr smear spilling beetroot juice on nice clothes (mine this time), then generally behaving awfully making it the first time i've been embarrassed to take him out in public

a long and shameful experience coming to an end with him peacefully getting in the car with a book, then a rush through crazy traffic jams to drop him off with the nanny and have my mom drive us to gd's visa appointment, arriving three minutes late even though we'd tried to get there early, because i'd misread the appointment times :(

a long wait in need of a strong drink, finally being handled by a really nice agent and getting through all the documents except the last - i'd forgotten my bank statements and it was 4pm on our last day to apply! i ran all the way to the bank, which was fortunately only about three blocks away, where there was one teller and a queue... but a manager on her way home saw how flustered i was and not only helped me, but didn't bother to charge me for the stamping! i ran off overwhelmed by gratitude and urgency, making it back in time to get gd's application complete and walk out feeling greatly unburdened.

lovely coffee while waiting for my mom to pick us up, home to feed a ravenous mr smear, then leaving him with my mom again to go to the temple for a very nice service. i was so tired that standing was an effort, keeping my eyes open was an effort and holding a prayer book open was an effort...

kiddush, vegan mac-and-cheese, showering mr smear and getting him ready for bed, reading two books to him and then going straight to bed myself

saturday 16th:

a surprisingly wintery morning, sleeping badly and getting up just before mr smear, playing some littlebigplanet and watching israeli children's songs

fighting with the t-shirt printer after receiving a crooked reprint

taking mr smear to lunch with sailor and a friend of his and receiving a good response to an eight year old idea of mine, rushing home midway to help gd with an ms word issue, sailor coming over for coffee and mr smear becoming more tired and more irritable until we took him for a quick stroll to knock him out (he didn't make it as far as the beachfront)

short nap, waking up inspired, gd using my computer so literally doing nothing for a while until mr smear woke up, trying to take him to the beach but a mean wind putting a stop to that, trying to buy old disney movies but being appalled by the itunes prices; going for a much more reasonable package of peanuts holiday specials instead (he doesn't seem too interested yet)

that and toy story and putting mr smear to bed late, chocolate and beer and jordan peterson and then investigating work stuff

sunday 17th:

until 1am

up early with the lion king, a sour morning before heading out to canal walk for a playdate; an utterly exhausting experience, a frustrating arcade experience, bad coffee service, driving home to a nap, mom taking over so i could go to the synagogue

aladdin and delicious food, straightforward shower time but bedtime becoming more and more tedious and eventually letting gd take over after discovering that somebody had messed with the blinds so i couldn't just raise them to stop mr smear playing with them

an appropriate night to write my cover: the kid that would not sleep

monday 18th:

working until 1.30am, dreaming constantly until 7.30 - changing a little wookie's diaper, mr smear's finally over his fear and wearing the mask - trying to set up my personal computer for gd and struggling while things jumped onto my legs from the problem carpet

the car mysteriously not starting and the salesman no longer working at the dealership, a productive couple of hours of work, trying to jump-start with broken cables, borrowing my uncle's, tweaking my desk for gd then racing off to the dealership; a pleasant cup of coffee, scheduling a battery replacement, racing home in heavy winds for a short nap

a really nice evening with friends on the beach, mr smear having a great time with his buddy but unfortunately getting a little burned on his forearms and ankles (applying sunscreen properly to a toddler can be hard), coming home to dinner and the lego movie, shower and bedtime which was infinitely smoother than previously but so much so that i passed out myself

tuesday 19th:

pests in the bed, trying multiple times to get up for work but being unable to function, predominantly dream sleep until mr smear came to wake us up

working and singing with mr smear monkeying on my back on the pilates ball, my mom taking gd to the chiropractor while i brushed mr smear's teeth, a quick jump-start, picking up gd and driving to the dealership (arriving an hour early)

a very long hour and a half, reaching the limits of our patience just as we received the car back; arriving in our parking lot and deciding to go grocery shopping, a long hour or two working while trying to get mr smear to nap - eventually taking him out for a stroll in spite of the elevators being out of order again

work during nap time, waking mr smear up to rush to baby city to pick up the "window sock" we ordered, almost driving into another car trying to enter a road with my view blocked by a truck (mr smear repeating "f*** me" while i silently prayed a) that he'd get bored fast and b) in gratitude that we were okay)

petrol, slide, five minutes in the aquarium, a phenomenal street musician (turned out to be unintelligible christian lyrics), telling an indifferent slob to keep an eye on his little bully, returning home to dinner, toy story, a quick shower that ended with a badly handled tub dump, a relatively reasonable bedtime

git guiding and azure angular tweaking for a decidedly successful work night (though still no word from SxS), some game time

wednesday 20th:

into the morning, more azure fiddling and some quantum geometry before a 2.30am bedtime

up before 7am, toy story ("woody!") again, prepping mr smear to go outside, meeting my mom in town to sort out car stuff and then receiving a call from gd informing me that i had the stroller again; dropping it off, going to my mom's to work, taking gd to the chiropractor, working some more, going with gd to the gym

a good, short run, a decent return to the punching bag, a little kicking before swimming then rushing to the deli instead because according to gd the most important thing to do in case of an asthma attack is to pick up artisan bread on the way home where you left the pump

flat-earthers: i'm really excited about having a new tool to filter out the single-dimensional people... but it is worrying that humans with internet have really taken boredom and ignorance to a whole new level.

completely exhausted but putting in a bit of work before crashing for fifteen minutes before returning home; occupying mr smear for a while, including playing littlebigplanet with him on the second controller, then taking him to the park for a generally good time - i don't know how kids can stomache spinning like that - and waking a homeless dude into a panic with a sudden scream that left me a little embarrassed

the lion king and gd's fixed falafels, rushing to get to tgtbt and her boyfriend's graduation party, mr smear not going to sleep until dinner was over; i was feeling a bit broken before i even arrived, i needed the gin and tonic but not the running around or awkward socializing or carrying him asleep until the very long goodbyes made my arms sore, weak and numb... i put him to bed and then passed out myself soon afterwards

thursday 21st:

early up and still recovering from the day before, starting the day much slower than planned and eventually arriving at kirstenbosch closer to noon than is desirable. mr smear demanding "uppies" from the moment we stepped out of the car - my arms were too sore - a lunch stop by the stage, a fruit stop near the boomslang, a pleasant bit of walking and then a difficult but not unpleasant carrying back to the car; home for a nap, paying my uncle a visit, shopping, trying to get work done during dinnertime with my mom, getting mr smear ready for bed and then diving into a project mystery

friday 22nd:

watching banking on bitcoin after finally investing a little, being bewildered by amateur day-traders

3.30am bedtime after solving an interesting mystery, the return of the invisible pests

sleeping really well with gd handling the dawn shift, a fast and relatively smooth coffee-chug-n-go, excitedly putting in my replacement jawbone lenses, driving at almost constant speed limit to arrive precisely on time for anger management and still feeling the afterglow of the morning's success

a productive session, arriving home just as everyone left, reading a bit of the long earth so that i wouldn't be lying down after eating, resting for a few minutes before learning that i'd inadvertently paid someone other than the nanny over the weekend

the revelation that brushing teeth is as much about protecting as it is about cleaning, and that ideally one should brush before breakfast (to avoid brushing after acidic contact), before lunch (same, to extend the hours of protection) and before bed (preferably more than half an hour after eating anything acidic)

a couple of hours of work and documentation, cancelling kirstenbosch plans because mr smear napped into rush hour, a struggle with angular design dynamics, swigging coffee before handing mr smear over to my mom and going to the temple; sitting down and melting into the chair, struggling not to snore, coming home for a lovely, lively dinner (second time getting emotional reading about the ethiopian aliyah), a very long and late bedtime for mr smear and a very early bedtime for us

saturday 23rd:

everyone sleeping in, waking up still sore from wednesday's gym session, the forgotten-about production of the frog prince at artscape: great production, mixed feelings about the child actors, gd getting into trouble with the "queen" ("everyone deserves a second chance..." "no!"), losing mr smear for a scary minute, inconsiderate smokers and the wrath of gd, home for not-napping until the nanny took mr smear out, the ending of guardians of the galaxy 2 taking me by surprise, the disturbingly dark brilliance of super, a long afternoon walk with protoplasm joining in halfway and coming over for dinner and bill burr's why do i do this, passing out at the beginning of star wars vii

sunday 24th:

up early, toy story again, shopping, my niece's "gender reveal" (she's expecting a boy), running after mr smear to make sure he didn't eat anything because EVERYTHING was dairy
eventually walking mr smear to nap, making an effort for my comic campaign
mr smear playing really nicely with my brother-in-law's grandson
a wonderful time swimming with mr smear
inappropriate christmas jokes in the cold
starting to watch bright before bed

monday 25th:

getting up early to calm down an unhappy mr smear (was it a nightmare, or was he just cold?) and hurting my back, getting in a bit more sleep, starting the day with an unnecessary intensity that threatened to stop everything, which only relaxed a few minutes before we arrived on the farm.

a much better experience than the previous year (in general), but the lateness of the lunch and the lack of real vegan food almost made us leave early; aside from that, we had a great time and mr smear and i had a lot of fun in the water in spite of the wind. then taking a long time turned into an issue, which became explosive upon our arrival home, not helped by picking up chinese we'd specifically asked to be non-spicy for a baby and which was painfully hot. and then our bad planning for tomorrow's (today's) lunch just put the cherry on the top.

clearing the bad taste with a cider, the exquisite new netflix movie bright and some tekken.

fallout

friday 24th:

the discipline it takes to floss your teeth at 2.20am when your eyelids are drooping

dreams of unwittingly peeing into an child's occupied tent at a nature party with a crèche that seemed to be in the latrine, then travelling in a giant airplane and dealing with a mega-swarm of locusts

barely sleeping then up at 7

dropping gd off at the chiropractor and driving to the bed store to pick up the one gd was happiest with only to learn that the idiot saleswoman had quoted us the price of the mattress and not the whole bed. dumbfounded, i drove back to pick her up and look at a place i'd seen on my way: how can someone trying to sell furniture be okay with smoking in the entrance to the store that infuses the stock with its smell? they didn't have stock, so we tested our second option again and decided to go for it (the black friday sale helped)

we met up with my sister, fought back an entitled french activewear offender, then went home for emergency chocolate cake; i napped in the new dip in the couch in front of michael che matters: what an absolute phenomenon.

feeling a little rested i went to my mom's to work for a couple of hours, then returned in biting wind to take the family to the park. mr smear and our friend's kid played really well together, and gd finally received the call from the school director that she'd been stressing about for two days and was thrilled to report that she'd arranged to have mr smear back in school the following monday and transferred to the new school next year.

a lightning fast shopping, dropping mr smear of with my mom on the way to the temple, the sitting and singing bringing fatigue and relief to the fore after an exhausting week

buying laffot for dinner, showering mr smear, kiddish with gd's freshly-baked challah, planning a trip to namibia, a tough goodnight for a wired-tired boy and going to bed straight away

saturday 25th:

up early and tired for a restless morning, the hunt for blue train parking, home five minutes later than the bed delivery men, a stressed setup but with satisfying results
no naps (and only mommy allowed on mr smear's new bed), my mom arriving for mr smear's second haircut - it was difficult keeping mr smear distracted, even after creating a shooting gallery with a spray bottle and a rubber scorpion - then doing a quick shopping run with my mom and coming home to a fantastic nap time.

waking up tired but feeling good, mr smear waking up to the new lorax (i rather like the extension) before taking mr smear for a quick walk to the promenade to see the sunset, home to try feeding mr smear (he was disinterested) before putting him to bed which took a bit longer than usual (acclimatization)

feeling pretty good and doing something productive, then settling down to watch godless and slowly falling asleep on the couch

sunday 26th:

waking up at 2.30am with a sore neck from a dream: living on a starship and secretly directing it to collect "science" from up high in order to switch places with our other dimension selves back to our home; being misplaced turned out to be the root of our biggest problems.

mr smear's overheating waking me up, hunting for the old school friend i'd seen in my dream and continuing to be productive in php until 4.50am

strange dreams until 7.15am, climbing out of bed with a stuffed nose, climbing back in but unable to sleep, a rushed sunday morning waiting for mr smear to finish with the potty (one drop in half an hour, i guess a watched potty never fills), it was way too windy for a blue train party but we had a good time anyway even though we had to leave before mr smear got to actually ride it

couch napping to great music while i worked on my little project, which is officially the first that i've told my mother about that's received an enthusiastic response! mr smear waking up hot and unhappy but gd brought his temperature down and his mood greatly improved. it still hurt my feelings that he only wanted his mommy around, but considering this is the first time she's really been able to hold him for an extended period of time without hurting herself i guess it's fair

driving out to century city to meet a really nice cousin and see her father for the first time in a while, mr smear was mostly quite manageable, coming home to shower - i think i handled his screaming at me badly by making it funny - then saying goodnight when my mom arrived so i could go out for pre-birthday drinks

that moment when you're running a bit late in crazy winds and you get locked in to your parking lot...

a very pleasant evening of talk, whiskey tasting (and hand washing), beer, good food and jalapeño poppers that brought tears to my eyes

coming home to funny stories about mr smear, and not-so-funny stories about inappropriate interfaith activities

completely bombed by 11pm

monday 27th:

sleeping most of the night, but low quality due to a stuffy nose and at one pointing hurting myself by staying in an angle that was bad for my neck

a sing-along morning, ready early to go to the school with my mom, mr smear happy as always, a little scheduling and work, gd's chiropractor visit, completing a section of my project before picking up mr smear

an intensely uncomfortable meeting with the principal who appeared unable to decide whether to shout at me or cry, awkwardly navigating the encounter then feeling anxious and dirty afterwards; composing a politely agreeable email with gd then going to my mom's to work

progress, and a long chat with horseman, then going home to work until taking a sunset stroll with mr smear

his first time waking up from his nap and just coming to find us, screaming himself hoarse, and telling me he didn't want a kiss goodnight

gd's first falafel (delicious, but closer to "hummus fritters") and brilliant vinaigrette

heavy rls / nerve discomfort, stretching for a short period on the floor before climbing into work

tuesday 28th:

going strong until 1.30am

uncomfortable sleep, ending at 5am with mr smear's screaming and fake crying; gd letting me lie in for a couple of hours but i was restless and sore

mom taking mr smear to class, diving back into work and finally figuring out how to manage connection strings in azure just before picking mr smear up again: the amount of effort required for something that should have been straightforward is absurd

ignoring stupid parents, mr smear playing nicely (managing to stop his screaming pretty quickly), coming home to a difficult nap time where i eventually lay on the couch with him on my chest - that would have been awesome if the couch wasn't sagging and when i finally managed to extricate myself my back was hurting badly

hunting nutritional studies for a baby site, more work, taking mr smear to the park for a little while before taking him back home when he began misbehaving, mr smear laying hands on cleaning detergent that the nanny had left in his reach and the tension erupting after i'd cleaned him up; fortunately it appears i got the job done but it was really scary at the time

dropping gd off at her class; feeding mr smear, showering, tidying up, brushing teeth, reading, and then the attempted delay tactic of "i want laffa!" becoming shovelling down a decent portion and going to bed with almost no fuss

money management - one visa card cleared!

gd coming home, a long and painful resolution, discovering mr smear sleeping on the floor by the foot of his bed (huh! we could have saved the money :P), learning that bitermom was crying over a post that didn't mention her and has taken revenge by spreading lies about us throughout the jewish community (well, the idiots amongst them at least, so it's a good filter)

mosquitoes having a field day on me (at least i hope it's mosquitoes)

working until midnight

wednesday 29th:

half an hour on a personal project, then crashing

a better night, which was pretty okay, waking mr smear up "still tired", getting a little more personal project time in while readying him for my mom, planning a functional drive into a vacation, thankfully having enough battery on my phone to waze to my new therapist

a long background session that ended in unrelated tears, then heading back to the school and being confronted by bitermom and her buddy and then the principal, all of whom made it clear that we were not welcome. that set off another incredibly stressed day, although it also added more pieces to the puzzle and some things make a bit more sense now

working a little in spite of my buzzing brain, taking mr smear shopping for bamba (all we found was tasteless fake bissli), a large grocery haul and bumping into a few people along the way, home for a mix of anxiety and delight with a lentil dinner, a pleasant shower experience, a positive bedtime, achieving a new goal on my personal project and enjoying the first episode of the new punisher before diving into work

thursday 30th:

intending to go to bed early on my birthday and calling it a night around 1.45am

...

up early but feeling pretty good, leftover anxiety from the day before but not unmanageable

going to my mom's and FINALLY doing the code test i'd been assigned months ago; messing up one out of three parts but overall enjoying it and my turkish coffee

home to find mr smear asleep, my mom falling asleep on the couch just as i woke him up to take gd to her MRI

a long, long wait but mr smear remarkably well behaved (minus a couple of small moments)

gd and me sitting like two idiots struggling with our helixes and the mysterious case of the missing ball

stopping at home to pick up swimming gear and heading to my cousins for lovely bubbly by the pool - mr smear initially afraid of the water but easily convinced to get over it :)

an important conversation with sailor followed by a related one with my cousin, interrupted by the rush home to drop off mr smear with my mom and get to gd's class

a boring hebrew class but a fascinating one on kashrut, then home for birthday messages and the punisher, a little flower and then bed just around midnight

friday 1st december:

4.30am waking up to the cries of his first fall out of bed - we have a big guard installed along the side, so of course he managed to fall off the bottom :/

7am waking up full of adrenaline to the heavy thumps of a boxing class exercise (they stopped when i complained, but the adrenaline didn't)

a slow morning before being taken by surprise by gd's appointment, the drive there powered by the start of the day 0 revelation, visiting the post office, picking gd up and catching her about to say "voldemort" in voldemort's presence, a long and intense discussion about bullies and options and choosing when to be silent rather than being silenced

just enough time at my mom's to refactor the code i'd tweaked for my coworker a couple of days before, coming home to an unhappy and stressed gd; my mom stepping in for our evening plans, buying ice cream and (allegedly) shocking the guy who printed my shirts, walking mr smear to the park in the blazing sun, his wearing my sunglasses with his cap backwards and singing a new hebrew song all the way home

recognizing the happy birthday tune when he sang it in xhosa

bedtime prep before taking mr smear with me to my cousins for a really nice friday night dinner, mr smear playing nicely with the cat, peeing twice in the toilet rather than in his diaper, not sleeping until we came home late

my three really itchy bites and the creepy-crawley "i'm under attack" sensation, tekken time

saturday 2nd:

personal project time and crashing around 00.50am

almost certainly flea-infested again [or bird lice, or something apparently called "thrift"]

a disturbing ios bug, a long period of the screams (mr smear timing himself out), supremely funny naughtiness at the temple, the vegan market full of great options but the music too loud, the woman with the impossible-to-not-stare-at goiter handling my food with her bare hands, mr smear being bashed from behind by another kid and falling backwards off his bike

starting to fall asleep on the way home, complicated drinks scheduling leading to postponement, a fun couple of hours with mr smear at the aquarium and getting great coffee, back home to watch ratatouille while being eaten alive on the couch

another round of screaming, shower and bedtime (with a little pushback, but not for long), "fixing" the couch's sag temporarily after gd's back took more damage, returning to ffix to be annihilated after a long and frustrating effort, clearing my desk and doing a little personal work, then beginning to fall over just before midnight

sunday 3rd:

a good night's sleep but waking up tired, a quick morning and still leaving late
a nice farewell breakfast for biggles and his family and inheriting a toy train collection
sunday afternoon crash bandicoot after waking up from a beautiful nap completely exhausted
coffee with osdoc and her fiancé, mr smear largely well behaved, the music becoming unbearably loud
a quick grocery run and him singing a hebrew song together loudly when bumping into an israeli parent
shopping at pick n pay for the groceries checkers didn't have, the security guard letting me in even though they'd closed the doors already
dinner and shower time
an awful bedtime full of stress and delay tactics
finally buying a little digital currency (i'd instructed SxS to use my christmas party winnings to buy bitcoin long before the bubble early this year, which didn't happen)

tekken (devil jin looks exactly like the psychotic american), then jurassic world

monday 4th:

until 1.30am - a mostly good movie, but significantly undermined by the fact that miss zero-EQ magically manages to flee dinosaurs with her heels on

working until 3.30am, painfully getting out of bed five hours later, dropping gd off at the chiropractor, putting petrol in the car, readying mr smear to go outside, finally getting a hug from him instead of a shrug, working at my mom's

an important couch nap after lunch, waking up tired but definitely feeling a bit better, finishing complex work and returning home

attempting to walk to the park but a nasty wind coming up, having to carry mr smear most of the way and really hurting my back (activating my sciatica on both sides)

mr smear's little friend coming over for a late play-date, an appreciated progression from not sharing to teaching and protecting

a mixed shower and tooth brushing - i find it hard to balance getting his teeth cleaned with not putting him off doing it himself - and another long and late goodnight

tuesday 5th:

waking up at 3.15am feeling awful, managing to get back to sleep, then beginning the day with some good work before heading to town to hunt down replacement wedding helixes (gd was NOT amused by my walking in to the body mod parlours with my son in tow asking if they did infant genital piercing)

a big lunch at plant with sailor; the v-lox salad was disappointing, the mexican dishes were good but the bobotie was fantastic!

mr smear's behaviour was a mixed bag, pretty exhausting towards the end. stopping by alliance francais to borrow children's books, then home for napping that didn't happen

mom's visit to plan our trip, gd rushing to study and mr smear being pretty demanding (i eventually gave up and played goat simulator with him), dropping gd off at her class and mr smear passing out on the way home before eating, showering and brushing his teeth

work, paused for some of the punisher and to freak out about the official return of the not-fleas, then continuing

wednesday 6th:

until going to bed around 1.15am

up at 7 to a busy household, a chiropractor session for gd followed by fast clothing and grocery shopping at the waterfront, rushing home to prepare for mr smear's first casting (including me lying down for ten minutes because i was dizzy), then rushing into town through crazy traffic that would only become more absurd as the day wore on
mr smear literally running circles around the other little girl, we were so impressed and proud to see how cooperative he was and how he not only understood everything but tried to coach the girl as well!
rushing to the waterfront (a long shortcut, but still shorter than the regular way) where the parking was full (on a wednesday afternoon?!?), running out the building only to smell mr smear needing a change, running back to an occupied changing station, waiting impatiently, running back to the car, luckily having cash for a broken ticket machine, and finally leaving at the time gd should have arrived for her appointment...

... phone troubles seeing me arriving at my mom's coffee shop as she arrived where i'd dropped gd off, stopping for water (it was 30 degrees) and iced tea, picking gd up, picking up my mom from the car rental, dropping gd and mr smear off at home, taking my mom to the panel beaters to pick up her car, driving home through rush hour with my sanity preserved only by fools of the prophecy, shower time before a big pre-trip grocery shopping before putting mr smear to bed, packing and trying to learn about azure AD

thursday 7th:

up at 5am to learn that the heavy construction had kept my wife awake the entire night, a long, rough four hours getting ready for the trip and slamming my thumb in a door just before leaving

a long day of driving in mid-forties heat, mr smear being amazing (two naps!), arriving at a beautiful lodge (vioolsdrift) with unnecessary anxiety, a very pleasant pool experience, a comfortable - and, for mr smear, very grownup - shower and tooth-brushing, but generally an awful evening

friday 8th:

waking up pretty early and taking mr smear to see the frog that found his granny, then starting the day with coffee by the pool while taking turns showing mr smear all the animals (tortoises, chickens, rabbits, and a young buck), moving out to the border and getting through relatively painlessly, then a long and dusty drive through a magnificently deserty desert to ai-ais

a couple of hours at the hot springs, everyone having a good time, then another long and dusty drive down to norotshama - stopping at a store in the middle of a strangely beautiful informal settlement to be impressed by the general sense of community. we finally arrived to discover that the lodge was not self-catering; back down to the border to learn that i'd foolishly used the wrong passport for mr smear that morning and caused entirely unnecessary drama...

... getting back to south africa just after sunset, setting up and showering mr smear and celebrating shabbat in my mother's room, a very nice microwave dinner followed by a relatively smooth bedtime

saturday 9th:

getting up at 4am with gd uncomfortable from the air conditioner and me having been unable to sleep because i was being eaten alive by insects, an early but very slow morning lazily preparing for the drive home, mr smear doing another animal tour, playing with the sprinklers, and very kindly passing out for a particularly long nap in the initial phase of the drive home

a much faster drive, an awkward bathroom stop (good we had almond milk for our coffee, and baby wipes to remove some of a particularly persistent beggar's handshake), a long next phase with grumpy mcgrumpface

coming home in a raging south easter tired, sore, and with unpacking and an infestation to contend with, picking up a well-received laffa

passing out early right after putting mr smear to bed,

sunday 10th:

pretty much sleeping through until morning and waking up feeling pretty good, starting the day trying to install littlebigplanet 2 (why do i have to install 21 massive updates when i've just downloaded the game from a digital store?!)

heading out to the museum on a beautiful sunday afternoon, an exciting conversation with gd leading to a terrible fight and me taking her home then returning to take mr smear through the museum by myself; calming down over shitty granadilla sorbet before we went out to the waterfront, insane traffic but managing to shortcut a significant section when i realized that they had blocked all the entrances but allowed us to sneak through an adjacent parking lot

getting the shopping done relatively quickly and being convinced to eat at col'cacchio's, stress over the bill - long story, but they have really screwed up their loyalty program - turning into another terrible fight

resolution before bed but absolutely emotionally exhausted so turning in for another early night

monday 11th:

starting the day preparing for the exterminator, dropping off laundry and coming to my mom's but having to wait outside for the nanny to pick up the stroller that we forgot in the car... an hour or two knocking items off my todo list then sinking my teeth back into my work until home-time. deploying and testing before leaving, then arriving at home to discover that the testing magically passed at my mom's and failed everywhere else... after a scramble to resolve the issue, i realized that it was far too windy to take mr smear outside so we played some littlebigplanet while eating gd's weird but tasty latke experiments

it's all fun and games until somebody takes a dump on the carpet

the elation of mr smear's first real interest in moving a character around on the screen marred somewhat by his enthusiastic insistence on repeatedly pressing the PS button to stop and resume the game, a lengthy but not unpleasant bedtime, some good comedy and then grinding until late

tuesday 12th:

mixed success and posting this, now going to bed because it's 2am and i'm done. it's not clear why gd and i are still feeling the not-fleas, either.

trauma

hi everyone, I know you're not all interested in what's going on but i believe the incident and our next actions need to be clear to everyone.

mr smear came home bitten yesterday, and no matter how awful the parents of the biter might feel that does not delegitimize how upset we are. not only were we upset about the bite, but also about the fact that there've been incidents in the class that have not been reported to the parents which we feel is a significant breach of trust on the part of the school.
having said all that, what gd posted yesterday was NOT targeted at the parents or biter, it was NOT targeted at the school and there was no intention to make any of those involved feel bad. they were not the subject of the post.

but one of you, or some of you, felt the need to generate drama and presented a twisted interpretation of the post to the parents and administration. i speak to you when i say this: you are a repulsive human being and, if you're "friends" with the parents, you're horrible, sadistic friends.

as of today we are officially pulling mr smear out of the [school] system. for those of you sanctimoniously bullying other parents and getting off on speaking badly or lying behind other people's backs, maybe you know who you are or maybe you don't but we are done with you dominating a class of generally good and kind parents. we want our son raised with good jewish values and whatever this is, it isn't it. for those of you who don't believe you're part of the problem i invite you to talk to us directly, as should have been done yesterday.

to the majority of decent parents in the class, it has been a pleasure and i hope the rest of the year is a positive one for all.

the past four days have been a nightmare, a post on facebook generated unbelievable drama and prompted an insulting and unprofessional response from our son's principal. as the story has unfolded it's become more surreal and psychotic and gd and i have been suffering serious anxiety and distress. we don't know what's going to happen for the rest of the school year and we're uncertain about 2018, but if nothing else we've learned a literally incredible amount about our peers and the administration. i couldn't even make up the majority of this shit if i tried.

tuesday 14th:

00.30am

up early and better than usual, although gd not so much

an online argument about marijuana use during pregnancy that upset me, but ultimately was resolved in a way that restored a little faith in humanity

buying swim gear on the way to picking up mr smear (good lord, people can be inefficient when you're in a hurry), and being inspired to post the following: "this movember, imagine a world in which hitler's mustache was for all men's health, not just for those in the third reich"

a struggle to get mr smear to nap and suppressing anger when gd accidentally interfered, settling in to get some work done when he finally did pass out on the couch

actually taking a short nap myself, then excitedly feeding mr smear chickpea curry and a bunch of other good things while working before taking him for a quick visit to the aquarium; back home in time for gd's class but ending up in a situation that cost half an hour and saw us heading out after my mom had arrived - the plus side being that she could read to him for a bit before i came home to feed him and get him ready for bed

gd's vegan lasagne a raging success for both me and mr smear, an easier shower and toothbrushing than usual and then watching educational material (the science of marijuana use during pregnancy and last week tonight) until gd returned home

gd's hit and miss in class (i wish she'd document her crazy stories), then working until i got sucked in to watching a movie with her that was only interesting because we didn't realize it was a romcom and were waiting for a payoff that was never going to come...

wednesday 15th:

... we stopped watching nine minutes before the end, after which i figured out what was wrong with my service bus app - nothing. the diagnostic tools are just really badly designed.

working until 2.20am, going to bed sensing that the morning would be tough but feeling like things were back to "normal"

up at 6am, my brain and body remembering just how "normal" being torn out of a great sleep feels, down for most of the morning but not getting much rest, getting up in a hurry to pick up mr smear and leaving late, after a discussion between gd and our nanny combined with an argument with SJWs the night before lit a fire under my ass

mr smear falling asleep on our way up to the apartment, grabbing a quick bite and heading over to my mom's to work and learn about the craziness in zimbabwe (hooray for mugabe's resignation!)

quickly picking up mr smear and taking him for a playdate at the aquarium, the kids had a lot of fun and we had some interesting conversations, home for gd's incredible vegan lasagne, shower and bedtime, an israeli miniseries on a 2006 murder in katzrin, work

thursday 16th:

leg skin issues, giving up on debating with SJWs (they will beat you with ignorance, or irrationality, or both), tortuous microsoft training videos and in bed around 2am

an intensely crazy dream thoroughly disrupted by mr smear crying out from a nightmare, then waking up at 6am and lying miserably uselessly on the couch until finally able to get up to drink coffee around 8am

cats being assholes to humans? funny. humans being assholes to cats? not funny.

gd losing her cool with the builders on the way out, mr smear singing loudly on the way in, staying to watch his teacher giving him a drawing / colour test and feeling immensely proud at how impressed they were (he's holding the pens correctly, drawing really good circles, staying in the lines and identifying all the colours!)

drinking coffee and watching jordan peterson videos before a very positive therapy session, completing forms and going to pick up mr smear - authorizing mr smear's friend's nanny to take him out of class, filling the tank while mr smear passed out to tool's lateralus, scanning documents, reading the long earth, devouring fry's vegan chicken strips and chilli in bed and resting during nap time
"waking up" for mr smear demanding mommy's pancakes and settling for végépaté, his infectious enthusiasm for shabbat tunes i like, taking him for a walk with my mom, picking up falafel wraps for dinner, a rushed shower and getting gd to class on time

(a man begging for clothing, all manner of red flags should've been set off)

interesting classes, the discussion on kashrut spawning conversations about veganism - being careful to call myself plant-based rather than vegan in light of the previous sjw encounter

home for funny stories about mr smear's bedtime, eating then taking my mom home before trying again to make some progress with gd's visa application and getting some work done

friday 17th:

deciding i'd had enough at 1.30am

cries at 6am for the "falafel be'laffa" leftovers (and tearing into them), holding in a poop that he told me about while i was brushing his teeth until he could get to the potty (!!!)

dropping him off horrified by a teacher's daughter's screams (seriously, teach YOUR freakin' kid not to do that), leaving a message for a manager to "park in your own parking space", a long gym prep

my first proper swim in more than two decades began with a bad landing on a hidden shelf, severely bruising my foot and pulling things up to (but thankfully not including) my knee. i was pleasantly surprised to find my muscle memory taking over and being very comfortable doing the work, but not so pleasantly surprised to discover just how pathetic my cardio was and each lap became an enormous struggle to complete because i couldn't handle the breathing

ice pack time waiting for gd, picking up mr smear and gd walking home while i (painfully) walked with him to his friend's place, dropped him off, and (painfully) walked back to the car, drove to my mom's, completed a service fabric tutorial, picked up mr smear, extracted him sleeping in spite of the asshole manager in the next bay parking even closer, fleeing an idiot talking loudly on his phone while following me (can you not see the sleeping baby, dipshit?!), involving the new building manager in the parking story, going to my mom's for half an hour of azure db play, returning home to say goodbye to the nanny (who hadn't seen mr smear since the morning)

a little work, a little play (music and food), showering and handing mr smear over to my mom before heading to the temple for a quick and pleasant service

a nice dinner but with a very naughty boy, my foot aching the whole time, watching the first episode of dinosaurs before putting mr smear to bed, seeing my mom out and watching a few minutes of québécois stand-up before hitting the hay before half past ten

saturday 18th:

6.30 up, 8am really up, mr smear's right foot sketching (and a disagreement over labelling his knees in english and hebrew), my foot much improved, a little drama getting ready for the company gardens, mr smear passing out as we arrived (as is his wont), hula hoops and devil sticks, meeting pseudo-friends at the breastfeeding tent

an emptier vegan market than usual with sailor and his girlfriend, fantastic food, delicious green tea kombucha that we realized a bit late shouldn't have been given to mr smear, him and his biker buddy and way too much "what does iron man do?" (an exhausting little game mr smear invented), hitting heavy traffic on the way home and mr smear down for nap number two

zimbabwéen revelries not only not waking mr smear but infectiously exciting, an afternoon of relaxing and a very short evening; passing out on the couch watching a great deadpan comedian, judah friedlander: america is the greatest country in the united states, moving myself to bed a couple of hours later

sunday 19th:

1.30am waking up for a scary night terror that we were infuriatingly helpless to stop and took about half an hour to bring to an end (not sure at the time if putting on a dr horrible's sing-along blog song worked, or if i put it on as he was winding down) and another half hour before he was ready to sleep again; not sure if actually a night terror or if the same inexplicable freak out from the week before. not helped by occasional loud, sudden and very unpleasantly metallic pipe noises from the apartment above us.

5.30am waking from a long, remarkably real and intense nightmare of living next to a twisted evil mastermind and slowly becoming involved in his machinations, maintaining his respect for me until i mistakenly admitted the possibility that i could understand how they got to where they were, at which point he began playing games to try to "own" me that included involving my family. trying to leave, witnessing an idiot tying his shoelaces in the way of a vehicle and causing the driver to plow into other cars, becoming caught in a long night of drugs and manipulation, and avoiding a trap intending to get me to use his credit card to buy my way out of an unjust situation, returning to his house to return the card and stumbling across prisoners in a walk in fridge, narrowly avoiding insane death traps and gearing up to stand up to him

up early but not feeling wasted as usual, a morning of duplo, gaming and nursery rhymes, shopping at mambo's turning out to be considerably more expensive than intended, home for a heavy half-challah and hummus lunch, reading the long earth which has progressed from "pretty interesting" to "pretty damned amazing", napping a bit until it was mr smear's turn; things were going well until i needed to wash his hands and he became uncooperative, and there's nothing that'll break my nap-space like fighting with a two year old

getting him to sleep pretty quickly but unable to rest myself so finally succeeding with a work task that had been frustrating me for a couple of weeks

an amusing evening, mom's visit and holiday strategizing, postponing mr smear's shower but making up the effort in a never-ending goodnight that gd and i had to manage in shifts

judah friedlander is amazing

in bed 10.30pm-ish

monday 20th:

an excruciating long night, unable to get comfortable and hurting my back

epic dream of a military course, switching teams, a day at the beach, returning after a break to less food subsidies, waking up from a spaceship simulation where the enemy ship was closing in on me and the weaponized creatures strapped to the front were prepared to board us with their fertility increased by ten percent

the last dream from the top of a building preparing for a celebration by throwing flare guns set to go off on timers to the ground

mr smear refusing to leave his bed for quite a while, hebrew nursery rhymes, multiple struggles to get him showered and ready for school with gd losing patience, dropping her off at the chiropractor and mr smear arriving in class just as one of the girls bit a boy really badly

working at my mom's, picking up mr smear and finding he'd also been bitten

an exciting coffee with sailor (too much caffeine?), a little work and a cloudy and cold afternoon indoors (mr smear playing memory and reflex games, watching my neighbour totoro and asterix)

a few achievements during the day, including booking gd's visa appointment and a night in a lodge, and really worrying news from the CRA that we owe them lots of money for some inexplicable reason

a very long bedtime with the poor kid begging for "falafel be'laffa" that we didn't have

my "me time" involving posting photos and reading how some idiot israelis sold a product to the wrong customer, then diving in to azure / edge.js material

tuesday 21st:

that moment when you realize, after having given up looking for your watch a while ago, that it was on your wrist all along

pleasant rain accompanying a lot of reading with some interesting discoveries along the way

2am to bed, 4.10 up for another night freak out (quicker on the dr horrible draw, it was effective), 5.15 finally moving out of our bed and going back to sleep, everyone waking up late after 8am

a jump start to the day being bullied by some of the class moms who not only made the biting incident public but also took a bullshit story to the principal, trying to get work done in spite of the drama, being frustrated and disappointed by a principal we thought was smarter than that and pulling mr smear out of the school

a long afternoon, a trek for an unappreciated laffa, a struggle to nap, and waking up inexplicably upset

a long afternoon, eventually my mom coming over and discussing the days events, watching robert mugabe's retirement letter being read before putting mr smear to bed; another interminably long goodnight and finally winning with some surprise inspiration... he was yelling to us that he was iron man, so i told him that iron man was going to sleep and he just lay down and went to sleep!

the realization that we need to get him a bed and fast, as he can now climb out the crib

early bed 22.30 on a cold, wet, mid-november night

wednesday 22nd:

up at 6.30 when mr smear woke up but alone as he didn't want to leave his crib for the first half hour

picking up mr smear's belongings from the school and bumping into bitermom, who smugly demonstrated that she had manipulated the principal's inappropriate behaviour

working at my mom's, heading off at lunchtime to meet with the school director who was my middle school principal to discuss the week's events. pleasantly surprised to find him considerably smarter and wiser than i remembered him, the anxiety made it hard to breath at the beginning but whether he agreed or not he clearly heard and appreciated what i had to say. i eventually walked out of there with a relatively good feeling, continued to work until 4.

the mouse usb chip jumping out of my hand and into a half a cup of coffee. taking mr smear to meet our friend at three anchor bay and letting mr smear play in the rock pools for the first time, learning incredible details about the parents meeting that we hadn't been invited to, including who started all the trouble, the psychotic tales of weeping bitermom (the whole community knows! people keep coming up to me and making fun of my daughter!), mr smear's class bestie's mother not interested in playdates with us anymore because *we're* too much drama

discovering another surprise debt to the CRA we hadn't seen coming, and locking out gd's account because it asked my security question expecting her answers. at least the debt is interest free.

mr smear's big potty before bed (he had to be convinced *not* to hold it in)

... falling asleep early from stress exhaustion...

thursday 23rd:

up early and rushing to get to the new school for an 8.30am interview, i have a feeling we shouldn't have been as forthcoming as we were but the principal seemed understanding and we were very impressed with the teachers and facilities. what turned a pleasant experience sour in the blink of an eye was a phone call from my anger management therapist asking if i was on my way, we hadn't realized that we'd been there for over an hour and a half and i hadn't received any alerts. then we realized that gd was late for her therapy too, so THAT was an expensive morning...

we looked at beds for mr smear instead, then met my mom at vida; mr smear loved his almond babychino and did *not* like me leaving for a few minutes. we took him home to nap, and i spent the next couple of hours finally figuring out the azure changes required for my project after four days of struggling (i did a little dance)

taking mr smear for a park walk and ride, coming home to a very quick dinner and shower before leaving him with my mother and going to a particularly exciting class during which gd and i experienced a couple of revelations about genesis

coming home to gd's amazing chocolate cake and a little telly and work and desk clearing

friday 24th:

i can't believe this insane week isn't over yet. oh, hello 1.30am.

concerns and burning out

fleas again?! i freakin' hope not, but something's jumping on my legs right now.

the overarching concern of the past two weeks is that a grave pharmacy mistake we recently uncovered may have negatively affected mr smear's growth potential :(

tuesday 31st:

going to bed around 2/2.30am after doing some finances, then being woken four hours later by the loudest, most aggressive banging yet: scrambling to dress and go downstairs to confront the bastards and finding an empty mall, plus the boxing school bozos very confident that it wasn't them. in the evening we heard that same banging again and i jumped downstairs to find a guy using ropes so hard that they banged every time they touched the floor - it WAS the boxing school!

a slightly tense morning, coming out alright, dropping mr smear off and heading to town for half an hour of "fifteen minutes" installing a vehicle tracker with no internet connection because the fool agent from telkom sorted me out for the following month but not the one i needed help with

backing up gd's scans, taking her to pathcare, picking up mr smear who - according to plan - fell asleep on the way to the hospital. not according to plan: forgetting his stroller and having to carry him napping until i woke him up because i simply couldn't manage any more. again struggling with the lack of internet because we didn't know we needed her id with us, eventually getting everything done and returning home; working a little then taking mr smear and his bike for a walk (bissli winning the day), then home for drama (anxiety over gd's physical course discomfort and content)

straightforward bedtime, needing coffee just to shower, meetings with pivotal revelations and feet really hurting for a long time but grateful for gd's friend's massage tool

gd having a breakdown (the pain)

gd convincing me to go to bed at 11pm after finding me sitting on the floor in a pained stupor trying to stretch and manipulate my neck and back

wednesday 1st:

still exhausted early, a fairly standard morning, my recently printed shirts already falling apart, dropping off mr smear and heading straight to my mom's to work

good work, picking up mr smear and taking him home, an hour shopping and eating lunch, showing the nanny the shaded park and mr smear falling asleep along the way, more work and believing i'd broken something just before rushing out to take gd to the chiropractor (i hadn't), just enough time to drop off a visa form at the doctor's office then wake mr smear, pick up gd and do more grocery shopping

a little work, taking mr smear and his bike to a park where he played nicely with a little girl until she tried to use his bike - i was sorely disappointed - coming home for dinner, israeli music and shower-and-bedtime

finishing joe rogan: triggered (excellent), clearing my desk a little then working

thursday 2nd:

until 00.30

migraine day and a big upset over not answering non-trivial questions with trivial answers, dropping mr smear off at school and resting a little before a very interesting and angry therapy session, a little work before picking mr smear up again, letting him get away from me but finding him shortly thereafter, home to big hunger on both our parts, a frustrated toddler on the potty learning that you can't pee with an erection, running into our neighbours carrying their stroller up tight stairs because the elevator was out of order, a pharmacy mission and picking up lavender essential oil

a long and difficult process getting mr smear to nap, eventually putting him on the couch and leaving the trance playing while i worked

mr smear eating veggie burgers wrong, a little work before rushing to get to gd's class; mr smear throwing a tantrum last minute and refusing to brush his teeth because "no water!!!", finally rinsing his mouth and laughing in my face when i pointed out that he was thirstily drinking the water he'd said no to

phenomenally bad driving on the way to the temple, another interesting class but gd very uncomfortable, a heavy thunderstorm, coming home to funny stories about my son's bedtime behaviour, leftovers and sorbet and stranger things 2 and early to bed (11.45) with rls

friday 3rd:

up at 4am to work with more lightning and rain, a fair amount of the day spent building a robust converter that i'm amazed isn't freely available already

picking up the second copy of my book in the rain, a waterfront grocery run alone, picking up gd's medical form a day late because the not-so-bright receptionist had forgotten about it, walking to our friend and not arriving because mr smear got caught up in dog parks and made a new friend in the kid's one

going straight from the park to the temple, mr smear loving the songs then trying to play with a group of older girls and getting a ton of exercise; explaining to me that he's afraid of heights by saying "owie!" and navigating a narrow log heigh up in spite of his fear, vegan sushi and flings before returning home, friday night dinner with my mom, reading to mr smear and almost passing out myself, then starting rls and taking something for it that seems to have worked

saturday 4th:

waking up to a real-life nightmare at 4am, gd having pinched a nerve that had her in unbearable agony that i'm still shocked she refused to take to the hospital; the pinch calming about half an hour later and everyone sleeping until 9am

waking up from a dream about a joyful goodbye with old family friends leaving in a dust storm

tears for "yerushalayim shel zahav", mr smear's shofar obsession, finding good french nursery rhymes, taking mr smear to kirstenbosch quite late, seeing the traffic and heading to the farmer's market instead; a pleasant time, a shocked smoothie seller repeating incredulously to other customers that microwaves are safe, running into sailor's (now-ex?) girlfriend finding homes for dogs, coming home for nap time, gd's successful mexican take on hummus, taking mr smear for a walk with my mom, an exquisitely distressing episode of stranger things (pollywog), giving up on watching ufc 217, working on my JSON/CSV converter

sunday 5th:

finally finishing at 2am but taking an hour to publish the damned thing before going to bed, then being dragged out of bed four hours later completely incapable of doing more than lying uncomfortably and uselessly on the couch

a slow start to the day, going to kirstenbosch with my mom, forgetting to lock the car until after we'd ordered lunch, a serious vegan spread at the tea room, a fun stroll back and playing happily in the water until mr smear picked up a splinter

arriving home napping but waking up immediately, tired but feeling good after sunshine and nature

sailor, mr smear and the wookie, flower advancement (what a stunning game), putting mr smear to bed and eating too much (gd made chilli) and everybody pleasantly relaxed
stranger things
i thought i'd seen fat, sick and nearly dead before, really interesting

monday 6th:

going to bed at midnight just as the wind began gusting, waking up at alarm time for a straightforward morning until drop off time, then struggling to get all gd's visa documents together and finally realizing we're still waiting for some from pretoria... heading to my mom's to work, picking up mr smear, back to my mom's to work some more, back home in heavy winds thinking i was going to return to visit our friend but gd's végépaté needed more time to cook; work and play then rushing off to my mom's for a video conference

encountering heavy traffic, passing a parking spot and not being able to open the gate, being forced to go around and fortunately finding another one that had just opened up, bounding up the stairs to set up my machine and put the kettle on, pressing "connect" and then receiving a phone call to tell me the meeting was postponed...

struggles with mr smear (he was having a reaction to something and the allergex combined with a missed nap made him a bit stoned), putting him to bed, watching the end of fat, sick and nearly dead (brilliant, and a bit surprising), then another episode of stranger things (amazing), then working

tuesday 7th:

until 1am, up at alarm time again and getting through the morning, dropping gd off along with mr smear and then coming home to pass out for another hour waking up to reliving trauma from my canadian immigration experience and my first employer there (megaman's bullshit), shopping and chugging coffee, picking up mr smear and having an interesting conversation about languages, bullying and kid's television with an old high-school buddy

stressing about a rash on his back (prompting an early shower), working while he napped on the couch with music drowning out the construction noise, overall an indoors afternoon until we dropped gd off at her conversion class then finished dinner before starting the bedtime ritual: the evening had some unpleasant parts but was mostly positive, although by the time he was in bed i was *done*

watching a bit of the truth about alcohol, trying to rest behind gd but rls dragging me half-asleep into child pose on the floor after gd had ice-sprayed me

wednesday 8th:

still tired but better
me smear: the water boy ringleader. he's figured out he can get other kids to do his dirty work for him.
my haircut
rushed fix at bootlegger, no time to tip
picking up mr smear pretty quickly, returning to my mom's to work, an interesting movember argument
taking mr smear for a walk with his bike, a little tension with our friend's kids, fireman's pole technique improvement, rushing home slowly, almost leaving the bike twice and threatening to leave him once, borrowing my mom's gate remote just in time and joining a conference call with some Big Deals five minutes late
a long call, some awkwardly ill-prepared moments and hurting my cracked heels
home for throwing-toys-outside, shower, and bedtime; with a little successful moment during a tantrum getting mr smear to stop crying at me because he didn't like me crying back at him. sadly that hasn't worked again.
half of an amazing stranger things episode, then a short meeting followed by a couple of hours adjusting a diagram while fighting the urge to do anything but

thursday 9th:

going to bed just before 1am

tank girl's death, sandman and me mourning her passing over her convertible bathtub, her resurrection followed by my waking up face down with no sensation in my arm

a bad night's sleep, another slow morning, feeling overwhelmed and slow and tired and depressed and burned out, a positive therapy session and about twenty minutes playing flower before rushing to pick up mr smear late, getting him to nap on the couch and having very little energy to be productive, figuring out how to create an online visa application (vfs makes you guess the urls), a short period of resting and working before taking mr smear to the park for twenty minutes, wet paint that i'd thought was bird droppings and swings and then returning home to shower and dinner and brushing teeth before handing him over to my mother

a fascinating look at where modern orthodox judaism went wrong, stranger things and rick and morty before diving into service fabric

friday 10th:

until 00.45

up super early and super tired, getting mr smear to school late again and heading straight to my mom's, forgetting my key but fortunately not needing it. a surprise job interview that i'd forgotten i'd agreed to, not sure how interested i am but there were some amusing awkward moments

struggling to get service fabric to do basic things - it's excellent when it works, but half the time it just doesn't - picking up mr smear (the car pleasantly like a sauna) and arriving home utterly drained, slugging down the remainder of my morning coffee (which was most of it) and returning to my mom's to crash on the couch for fifteen minutes before digging back in to service fabric until the end of my workday, with a fifteen minute break to be impressed by the codility demo test

buying a parking remote for my mom's, coming home to a grumpy family (apparently there were problems with the nanny) and vegan meringues that had flopped into flat toffee, taking mr smear to the park, finally meeting the israeli family from mr smear's best friend's class, mr smear taking a tumble while i was on the phone with horseman and combining legitimate crying with a tantrum that made me take him home and even crack open a beer once he finally calmed down... which was about fifteen minutes later...

my mom and her greek friend stopping over for drinks, chinese takeout for dinner, putting mr smear to bed and stumbling out of his room completely empty

the disappointment in louis ck (of all people) turning out to be a sex offender, making it through an episode of stranger things then going to bed with a phantom itch (psychosomatic or fleas?)

saturday 11th:

a horrible night, restless, uncomfortable and with two incidents of mr smear yelling "nooooo!" in his sleep (the second one leading to us getting up at 6am)

a slow morning, then preparing to go to the temple, dropping gd off and heading to the pharmacy but mr smear sleeping through the experience to make it especially uncomfortable

mr smear waking up in a stupor saying "i wanna eat ice cream", i told him that hummus was even better before giving him some and he wolfed it down happily

a decent temple morning, uncomfortable changing station, mixed feelings about a new friend

trying to go to the vegan market and turning back halfway, trying to induce nap time and failing, straining to handle a bored and tired toddler while exhausted and eventually (around 3pm) taking mr smear out in his stroller hoping he'd fall asleep, regretting that decision because he didn't sleep and the stroller interfered with doing other stuff he might have enjoyed; he wasn't interested in running on the promenade, tried to throw his cap at some ducks and then got pushy with another two year old on a slide. the evening wasn't too bad, though, sailor came over for a while (it was really cool that mr smear picked up that he needed hugs and gave him a few) and then i joined him, a coworker of his and protoplasm at a really nice (but remarkably expensive) sushi restaurant which had some delicious vegan sides and plenty of sake (which was our primary reason for being there)

lots of fun talk - probably quite inappropriate for almost any other group on a saturday night

...

sunday 12th:

4.30am where the fuck does this "not my bed" shit come from all of a sudden?! managing to get him down again and sneaking out with my heart in my throat

waking up really well at 7.30 and then mr smear rushing out of the living room screaming and not calming down until we put on his favourite show - but we still have no idea what caused the freak out in the first place

spirited away after dr horrible's sing-along blog stopped streaming, getting ready to take mr smear somewhere and having the morning thoroughly soured by a misunderstanding gone wrong

a pleasant visit to the aquarium, mr smear's luck with the coin-op on the way out, lunch on a step, enjoying a live band in nobel square and mr smear loving the slide there and making a bunch of friends before my mom brought her friend and gd for lunch

a disappointing make-your-own bowl that had potential, but i wouldn't have been able to enjoy it anyway as mr smear was tired, irritable and not hungry; he was very cute falling asleep singing b-i-n-g-o though

nap time, then coffee and taking mr smear on a big shopping mission, a pleasant evening with good food and lots of playfulness, putting him to bed and settling in for more stranger things - so damned good!

watching the seinfeld special just to make sure that my low rating was warranted, ending up passing in and out of consciousness on a suddenly uncomfortable couch (gd's noticed it too)

monday 13th:

1.30am woken from a weird dream where a french man caring for a women in a wheelchair who was relearning to read after a car accident in which her husband was killed taught me the funny song he'd made up about the event in front of her

4am smacking the cup of water next to me with my pillow after hours of restlessness, narrowly missing the sockets on the extension cord for my bedside lamp; sitting on the floor developing anxiety over the thought of getting into a swimming pool to actually swim for the first time in many years

4.30-5.30: clearing my inbox instead of taking the opportunity to be really productive

going back to bed, just beginning to get comfortable as mr smear woke up (as always), catching up on the couch, a mostly pleasant morning once i was up (even getting a little work done), dropping gd off at the chiropractor and mr smear at school, rushing home to let the nanny in, off to my mom's to work, being pretty productive until lunch time

taking about an hour to get mr smear out of the school, dropping him off at home and eating quickly before spending a couple more hours working then coming home to finally validate my azure troubles with a coworker that SxS has been assuring me we just me

taking mr smear for a fun walk to the playground, a pleasant evening and finishing season two of stranger things after putting mr smear to bed: they nailed it, i kinda hope they don't do another season.

work, a few distractions, this.

tuesday 14th:

and now bed.

movember: a public service announcement

movember, the month of masculinity when men grow amusing facial hair to remind other men to find someone to stick a finger up their bums to find out if they've managed to give themselves cancer yet with the meat-heavy diets they've been manipulated to believe make them more manly.

you know what's manly? eating food that doesn't give you cancer, and being healthy enough to take care of your family and have cash to burn on good experiences and educations instead of meds and medical procedures and funerals.

all hallows' eve

monday 23rd:

marc maron's too real is brilliant, in bed at 2.20am with a very sore hand

waking up painfully slowly until diaper change stress turned psychostorm, getting gd and mr smear to where they needed to be then taking so long to get to my mom's that it was time to pick gd up already (damned forgotten keys), a long talk in the car and then returning to my mom's to fail to get the city of cape town on the line, picking up mr smear, stopping home for lunch and then walking with mr smear and the nanny until my mom's, a short while later they joined me for mr smear's nap because the construction at home was too much but just as the arrived my mom's neighbours fired up their hammers and drills so it was only marginally better

a struggle with CORS but eventually succeeding, returning home for a dinner while on a conference call - not ideal - and shower, eventually putting mr smear to bed and finally finishing the 500 hats of bartholomew cubbins with him for the first time

the anticlimactic realization that game of thrones season 7 has only seven episodes, fighting with videotron about an unpaid invoice, working until late

tuesday 24th:

up painfully early but with the ends of spirited away, my neighbour totoro and howl's moving castle, hustling mr smear to school then taking a little down time before dropping gd of at the mall and working to good beats until pickup time

managing to get mr smear to the car in record time only to have to go all the way back to the classroom to change him. watching him and a friend's kid and losing them both on the playground, panicking and eventually finding him coming around from the dark side of the jungle gym, picking up gd and parking with him snoozing in the back, but unfortunately waking him when we got home; a slow afternoon entertaining and working

fedex telling me not to worry when i expressed concern that the package we were waiting for went from cape town to johannesburg, then at 5.30pm receiving an update to the effect that the documents had been sent to the wrong address. it didn't help that the african contact number they have listed is invalid :/

evening meal while gd stewed about the insensitive pharmacists (is it really necessary to be douchey and judgemental?)

dropping gd off at her class and bringing mr smear back home, unable to interest him in dinner, showering and putting him to bed with two short books and pretzels and getting a magical "daddy? i love you" when i turned the light off

... and ten minutes later he was yelling for the living room...

... and three and a half hours later i crawled out of bed after lying for a while in discomfort...

wednesday 25th:

adding a fun feature before crashing at 2.30am, up at 6.45 to zombie-state put on spirited away

a mostly pleasant morning until mr smear needed a timeout and gd and i had a shattering fight about discipline, a breakdown and taking mr smear to school and coming home for an hour and a half communicating: i'm forced to acknowledge that i'm sick, and that i need anger management. i cannot distinguish between myself and the behaviour i use to protect myself, when i feel antagonized i completely disconnect from all emotions save rage and hurt. i don't even know where right ends and wrong begins. i don't know how to prioritize threats and i don't know how to adjust my responses accordingly.

why is it often so much harder to understand and accept that our behaviour is harming ourselves and others than it is to change it?

sorting out the police clearance delivery with an excellent fedex courier, struggling to get work done before going to pick up mr smear; a little play time with his best friend and his sister, coming home for lunch then walking to my mom's with him and the nanny and settling down to work, making great progress which i completed on returning home; continuing to work while gd and mr smear whiled away a cold and windy afternoon

a mostly-smooth bedtime, the last episodes of big mouth (magnificent from start to finish), crashing early (9.30pm)

thursday 26th:

4am hammering waking us, a restless couple of hours then giving up and getting up to start the day with a stiff neck

learning that the bubonic plague is still alive and threatening south africa

mr smear coughing himself awake, lots of duplo fun and then the usual until dropping him off at school, racing over to town to install an insurance tracker and leaving pissed off because i could've gotten it done if they'd just told me what to prepare beforehand

an emotional therapy session

taking mr smear to nü while gd discussed jewish shamanism with the rabbi
the car key crumbling on our visit to the chiropractor, a nap with boxing tire practice taking place noisily below mr smear's window, a long accountant conversation, the challah bake with and without mr smear and being super awkward saying goodbye to my hebrew teacher

gd's awesome first challah

friday 27th:

early morning hebrew songs
looking at shoes and a big grocery shopping eating up my workday
twenty minutes of work then picking up mr smear
an emergency pick n pay run for nothing (empty shelves)
the forgotten stroller remembered just as i parked outside my mom's
fifteen minutes to charge my phone and fix a bug before rushing out to waze on a rapidly-emptying battery
the intro meeting with the anger management guy a background check, a third shopping on the way home, a fourth shortly after
evening planning stress while trying to get some work done and entertain mr smear while gd baked
friday night dinner
absolutely buggered

saturday 28th:

early up, gd struggling, a stupidly hot day, arriving at an empty temple already half an hour late before learning that we were supposed to be in wynberg; waze failing but arriving reasonably fast, mr smear behaving really well (and crying impressively quietly when he bashed his temple against a pew), eating lunch in the car, driving home and taking advantage of mr smear's nap - even managing to sleep after he woke up as gd occupied him with the dr horrible soundtrack.

a fun, quick visit to the park next door, shopping with dirty trolleys, tipping badly balanced bottles at the liquor store

a braai at the temple, the kids keeping each other busy and connecting the parents, a really nice havdalah ceremony and coming home really late but with mr smear still awake so showering and reading him to bed (and allowing him two bananas, but no beigelleh)

finishing an episode of elementary (loved it), then scribbling this until 23.25

sunday 29th:

working until 2.30am

dreaming: "old mcgrampa had a meth lab"

a beautiful summer's morning, gd still struggling but joining me in taking mr smear to clifton 4th. feeling fine until a few minutes before we left, then a short period of acid reflux and a sinus headache before meds kicked in, grabbing the last parking spot before realizing we had no cash for the parking attendant

a super hot and beautiful day with the water forming a little kid's pool, being joined by mr smear's best friend, mr smear joyfully screaming "i NEED the sea!" while bounding in naked-nuts-deep to the freezing water, his friend throwing sand in his face and my taking the opportunity to walk him through the correct response

keeping the kids awake to play at primi piatti, then home for a serious nap; i couldn't nap, so i played some (unsuccessful) command&conquer instead (i'm really not very good)

getting through the evening, some parts easier than others, and being so tired by the time my mom arrived that i forgot she was there and left the toilet door open while peeing

shower (don't drink grey water, boy!), bedtime, a bit of stranger things 2 and a junk food pigout and serious rls

monday 30th:

interrupted dreams, exhausted waking, tissue box emergency stress, barely eating half my breakfast
a boiling hot day, lots of driving so it was great having taken a bunch of psytrance cds along, dropping off mr smear at school then racing home to print documents and take gd to the hairdresser, getting an hour of offline work done while waiting then taking her to see a neurologist in pinelands, dropping her off and rushing straight back to pick up mr smear and take him home to the nanny before rushing straight back to pick up gd then race home to drop her off before heading out to a job interview at century city, only getting trapped by the anti-farm-murder protest on the way and having less than half an hour to get there instead of an hour and with no battery for waze (so i had to borrow gd's phone)

arriving *just* on time but struggling to find parking, a not-unpleasant interview experience (although it would have been nice to have been offered water or coffee), then returning home in easier traffic to sit and finally finish my breakfast before mr smear woke up, then working, visiting the chiropractor and grocery shopping until dinner time; a very nice and simple dinner together, a positive shower and tooth-brushing experience and only a little tantruming before bedtime reading; gd going straight to bed and me watching half of get carter before getting back to work

tuesday 31st:

almost paying off one of our credit cards (i'll be jumping for joy when it's both of them, and when we'll be able to start making local purchases instead of paying international charges on every bloody charge), working well until taking a break to write this and now jumping back in

another month bites the dust

thursday 5th:

1.20am finally testing a working solution after days of hunting, then entering a rabbit hole of encryption details to ensure that it's safe as well

1.50am finally being able to go to bed after struggling to back up my code and update SxS

a diaper change while half asleep and then handing mr smear over to gd to stay in bed almost until 8

great project success (exciting!), leaving late for kirstenbosch and mr smear falling asleep in the car so enjoying lunch at cavendish instead

the long drive home, trying to lie down and being jump-started by an out of control diaper change shower, coffee and work before taking mr smear for a stroll

old schoolmates and their kids, generally pleasant and i hope i didn't come across too strong when discussing food choices

the rush to feed mr smear before heading to the spur without gd to meet cousins i haven't seen in years, my mom giving me some time to eat and converse but mr smear becoming more wound up as it crept further past his bedtime

home, quickly putting him to bed then diving into recruiter responses then documentation

friday 6th:

eventually turning in around 1am

up early and resting on the couch desperate for actual sleep and not managing; getting gd to the chiropractor, picking up my now seriously cool shirts* and sending mr smear off with his nanny before catching up with a glorious couple of hours dreaming insanely weird and wonderful dreams (why was the business owner's mother getting off the gynaecologist's table in the promotional video? what was the point of the dancer in the elephant costume?)

* which after a couple of wears have proven to be shitty quality prints after all. ****er.

a little work while determining whether mr smear would nap of not, then joining a group of parents at the grifizzi brothers animal-free circus for a really fun afternoon; not all the kids enjoyed it, but our whole family most certainly did (i'm a bit of a fan, now)

mr smear passing out on the way home, us deciding on an easy night with game of thrones, work and command & conquer (got to the point i got stuck when i played it in my teens)

saturday 7th:

mr smear singing in his sleep

and then it was 2am...

and then it was 6am... struggling, early emergency shopping downer, arriving at the temple for the last five minutes of the service, super awkward with an old high school substitute teacher, an inappropriate reaction concerning my father and an unnecessarily harsh response to the offer of cheesecake

a brilliant call to try the museum and enjoying the company gardens with an israeli family and the squirrels and doves

nap time (thanks, sneaker pimps), a new frankenstein series and lunch, no idea what happened between then and mr smear waking up, a very interesting chat with sailor and his enthusiasm for my nursery rhyme project, mr i-don't-wanna-go-outside-i'm-drawing, a freak gust of wind at the park but mr smear sliding alone, jungle-gyming like a pro, inspiring a new rhyme reboot (helicopter blades), then peaceably coming home when i realized his favourite part of the jungle gym was covered in ice cream

the jerk parked on the pedestrian crossing and me responsibly walking away from a fight i really wanted (physically, not verbally)

mr smear's dinner and bedtime prep, then trying and failing to watch spiderman: homecoming, eventually giving up and resuming guardians of the galaxy 2

sunday 8th:

up early, howl's moving castle and watching mr smear happily drawing

a big and uncomfortable discussion about what to do if cape town runs out of water

taking mr smear to kirstenbosch, being extra careful about the sun and using plenty of sunscreen but still getting burned, ending a long walk by grabbing another kid's balloon, driving home yawning while mr smear slept soundly, enjoying his nap, a lazy-ish afternoon, my mom coming over for bedtime, spiderman: homecoming (definitely my favourite spiderman) and working well

monday 9th:

until 1am, waking up 6 as if i'd unslept to "butterfly!" whines and cries, a couple of hours on the couch before i was able to function, dropping off mr smear, really struggling to be productive and eventually napping (a lot longer than planned because the first attempt failed), getting a little work done then dropping gd off at the chiropractor and hanging around the school with mr smear until she was done

two or three hours until mr smear finally went down (to a lullaby of his choosing: b. i. n. g. o.), but managing a few important phone calls and getting some work done anyway

my sister's birthday: her daughter's gift to her was announcing that i'm going to be a great uncle soon! and my sister's going to be a biker granny!

a telephone interview beginning with me stopping the call to extract apple skin from mr smear's teeth (YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!), but very interesting nonetheless, mr smear helping me shop and ending the day realizing that if it wasn't for school he'd have been in front of the telly all day - although in our defense he spent a fair amount of time leveling up his drawing skills and we're very proud that he started (by himself!) trying to colour in inside the lines and was largely successful ^_^

game of thrones s7e6 was exquisitely painful

completing a milestone and crashing before midnight

tuesday 10th:

6.30am slightly-better-than-zombie-state, crazy baby rhymes and the demented soccer ball people, postponing my laser hair removal until march due to excessive sun exposure, noticing that my greying beard is looking more and more like muttonchops, a busy and productive morning, picking mr smear up and teaching his teacher a bit about nutrition, his traumatic best friend goodbyes

work and paint tool struggles (gimp plugins are hard work), test driving the car and deciding to go with it (!)

taking mr smear to the park in the blazing sun to play with his friend from earlier, feeling like i was saying too much to his mother, awkwardly avoiding a milk product that she was sure would be fine (people just don't understand how pervasive dairy is, it's in EVERYTHING), coming home and getting things - including work- done, gd really struggling with her neck, CRA fail

game of thrones still surprised me with the things that i thought had been spoiled before

finally getting my paint tools sorted out and learning about bleed

wednesday 11th:

calling it a day at 1am, two hours after i knew i needed to go to bed

up repeatedly for a long four hours (lots of interrupted interesting dreams), 6am wake up breaking me but gd managing to give me an hour or so of unbroken rest

the relief that gd's fingerprints were received and accepted, another excited recruiter contact, a misty morning used to deliver printworthy documents

picking up mr smear and gd (acupuncturist) together, dr horrible following us from the car to the living room, mr smear eating gd's chickpea and spinach curry, lego grip slip jeopardizing nap time, a short but helpful nap, then an afternoon navigating bureaucracy (south african for our nanny - "just go to our website", canadian for our taxes "email within the next couple of years")

groceries (wedding ring included, i caught it in time to hand it back)

gd in trouble, surviving the evening

thursday 12th:

gd still in trouble

better sleep, visiting glendale (highly emotional moment and some really awkward ones), everything conspiring to wake mr smear from his nap when we got home, my first print trial in production, mr smear loving his first slide but too nervous for the second, rushing home to let sailor in and then dragging him out again to bootlegger (an interesting and productive meeting and mr smear enjoying himself immensely), mom paying for our car (!), dropping gd off at home and taking mr smear for a run through the waterfront before returning home to eat, shower and manage mr smear's last breastfeeding

friday 13th:

sleeping well in short blocks trying to get up to work, succeeding at 4am and working hard, continuing even after mr smear woke up and joined me

gd going to the doctor, the nanny taking mr smear out just as she returned and after he made me so angry it took all i had to a) not give him a beating* and b) calm down after he got the message that i was really mad

* the final straw was him throwing his toothbrush into a bin filled with toilet trash

a disheartening chat with my accountant, a quick review of options with my mom, lots of work and mistaken commit fixing and my mom signing for the car and finally returning the rental in friday afternoon traffic, picking up the new car so tired i was hallucinating (thank the dealership for the water and coffee)

a comfortable drive home, shopping, family kiddush and the first bedtime without breastfeeding since he was born (a little sadness but no drama)

a very short nap until rls (or sciatica, or whatever the hell is wrong with my legs), then being responsible until midnight (okay, a little c&c too - finally completing the first commando mission!)

saturday 14th:

sleeping badly and pinching a nerve in my neck, spending the rest of the night trying to sort it out and waking up with painful lower back too

a day of lost patience and perspective, the rabbi's son's barmitzvah, afternoon nap

liquorice paternity test passed

meeting cousins at my mom's and mr smear eating all my sorbet, mistakenly hosting another cousin instead of visiting her, dinner difficulties but an easy bedtime with an unintentionally long dr seuss book

finally seeing ant man, which was surprisingly entertaining, then settling in to learn about hashicorp's vault before crashing

sunday 15th:

waking up to a snappy morning and feeling like crap, a very unpleasant way to take mr smear to the aquarium, a long but overall good time there, him eating half a falafel laffa and passing out on the way home; the new car's dimensions are taking some getting used to and i was sure i bumped the back leaving

kind of napping (restless), followed by an explosion that had been building for a while, taking a walk, talking through it and grabbing a cup of coffee at my mom's on my way home

meeting protoplasm and his partner for drinks at quay four, mr smear possibly causing a waitress to drop full glasses, but definitely breaking mine directly with his toy car

mr smear interfering with my rice and vegan korma dinner, which was only mildly annoying until he poured a cup of juice into it; i was so tired and weary and it really made me want to cry

a pleasant shower and bedtime, the rest of the thor sequel (try saying that ten times fast), passing out early

monday 16th:

waking up around 1am and spending a couple of hours investigating hashicorp's consul, a couple of hours sleeping, another early morning and mr smear snotty so no school

working at bootlegger waiting for gd, shopping, home, shopping again, then driving to the printer to pick up my book sample - really not bad, but not amazing either

picking up garlic bread that i wouldn't eat (does it have to be made with real butter?), buying plasticware and dropping everything off before heading to my mom's to work

making good progress but having to rush home in cold, wet and windy weather without a warm layer, then taking mr smear to a friend's to play; the older child pushing mr smear roughly, but otherwise just an hour or two of playing and talking before rushing home in time to catch my mom teaching gd about eggplants

showering in a bucket, mr smear's "police car" issue interfering with bedtime, a loooong good night, work demo, dc's legends of tomorrow and crashing

tuesday 17th:

up at five to hunt down a phantom hammer, a horrific dream in which mr smear drowned followed by another sneaking around a container ship with steve-o and peter dinklage diving in water tanks and gaming the security guards

a swollen and painful wrist (the return of the repetitive stress injury exacerbated by lifting a squirmy mr smear and heavy buckets of water)

---#metoo:

it would be nice if being a man had protected me from being sexually harassed or assaulted. the fact that "i can take care of myself" didn't make the experiences any less unpleasant and violating, and i believe that for women it's so much worse.
it's so prevalent, but we don't really see or feel it without this kind of concerted effort.
it was my own experiences in my late teens that made me acutely aware of how my own behaviour, which i'd innocently believed was cute and harmless, was not. if you see something, stand up against it. if you hear about something, support the victim by listening, not by justifying. be prepared to lose teeth for this, our children are next.

posting that on tuesday brought up a couple of incidents, one in particular of me being surprised and overpowered by a very large man and barely being able to break away mumbling some meaningless excuse; yesterday i learned that a guy i used to hang out with a lot went from run-of-the-mill "asshole" to sexual predator and life destroyer.

---shared excitement with gd in an idea combining judaism, shamanism and cycles

work

intense jackhammer work beginning as i put mr smear down for his nap, fortunately it was only about 75-80 decibels

our c# expert trying soften the blows while explaining my mistakes to me, infuriating git issues and a busy, bored and restless child

dropping gd off at the temple, the oven taking so long to heat up that i could only feed mr smear at around 8pm; shower, bedtime story, and then saying good night as the hammering started

shouting at the assholes continuing to hammer at 9pm, one of them daring to tell me "we're not idiots" and getting an earful in return, including me yelling at him to go tell his mother what he's doing to other people because i'm sure she'd be proud

gd coming home and us learning that videotron never closed our account when we left canada and expects us to pay for their mistake (we confirmed that we had closed the account before we left and returned their equipment)

a long meeting, enjoying antonio banderas in security, then investigating azure solutions

wednesday 18th:

until 1.30am

the usual, dropping mr smear off and chatting with a friend about child psychology, picking up gd and heading to the waterfront for gift books (who titles a book "turtles all the way down" without referencing the discworld?!), a passable vegan muffin (and a free smoothie voucher), leaving in good time and being stuck behind a few idiots all the way to the chiropractor; taped wrist, pinched back, a recommendation to swim.

the rental tribunal's bad timing, picking up mr smear and heading home. waking up from a nap needing it more desperately than before, eventually going to my mother's to work for an hour or so, coming home in a rush and gd deciding not to take the now-napping mr smear to the triple birthday party

a very interesting interview over coffee at the waterfront, getting through the evening with my mom bringing sorbet, reading mr smear to sleep, dc's legends of tomorrow and chocolate and liquorice

the police authorizing 11.30 hammering

azure investigations

thursday 19th:

until 1am

a chilled morning, getting mr smear to school late, picking up an emergency allergex bottle and taking it to his teacher before returning home; i have no idea how i got into or out of the parking without hitting the cars in front or behind me

briefly home then taking gd to the chiropractor, where he stuck a couple of needles in my arm while treating her, then back home to receive a document from the car dealer before returning to the school to pick up mr smear

a badly failed attempt to instigate a nap, a long afternoon, taking mr smear to buy diapers, ride on the blue train and some little girl's bike, get him ready to hand over to my mother and then head to the temple with gd for her class

an amusing hebrew class and a fascinating bible class, coming home to the remains of dinner and a fight triggered by not debating an article by a black cop deconstructing black lives matter

friday 20th:

passing out at 12.30 from exhaustion

really struggling with my wrist, waking up early and sleeping on the couch until the nanny arrived, showering mr smear before class with much tears

working at my mom's, picking up mr smear and returning a for sudden, painful migraine and difficulty with cookies and CORS - i originally wrote migraine, meaning "painful headache", but it turned into a very serious one that left me utterly debilitated; i barely managed the walk home, threw up a lot and couldn't help gd with mr smear in the slightest. the nausea and dizziness subsided in the evening, the pain would only start relaxing in the morning

saturday 21st:

getting out of bed around midnight, tired but restless, for an episode of big mouth, toast and patton oswalt: annihilation which is an absolute must-see

a morning on the couch, dropping gd at the temple and taking myself and mr smear to the doctor who checked me out and gave me advice for managing migraines, fifteen minutes paying for the parking guard to learn how to charge me with snapscan, then fifteen minutes of buying bananas with a baby and locked up express queues, then finally! getting to the temple to pick up gd and go to the blue train

not going to the blue train because of a cold wind, but picking up bread and smoothies and coming home to nap with jackhammers at our windows

patton oswalt again and more big mouth, mr smear getting up *as* i lay down, lunch (starting with begged-for sorbet with a portion that ended in tears), gd and mr smear going on the blue train before i dropped her back home (still too cold) and took him to the aquarium for a good experience that would have been so much better if it hadn't been for the coin-op distraction

a little walk around to smoke other people's cigarettes, then back home stopping only briefly for an emergency extraction of dried mango from the bag and getting stuck chasing after mr smear on the parking lot rooftop for a while

late dinner and mom's visit, shower and bedtime and mr smear not impressed by my not finishing the whole book but eventually falling asleep anyway

the end of a stephen king movie, big mouth excellence and a bit of marc maron: too real

going to bed around 11pm with concern for an episode on the other side

sunday 22nd:

up early with a very bored, curious and naughty boy, mr smear sneaking onto the balcony and causing a panic fight, flower for the ps3, strawberry farm anxiety, clothing breakdown
a stupidly hot day
keeping mr smear awake until we got to my mom's shop, learning that tool manufacturers are tools, and whoever made pozidriv so similar to phillips is a piece of crap. why don't we learn this stuff in school?
vida's new "falafels" taste like it's made by someone who's heard of falafel and knows it's made of chickpeas but has neither seen or tasted it
a visit to my aunt's, mr smear thoroughly loving the swimming pool (i hope their water's coming straight off the mountain)
home to nap and work, then grocery shopping (checkers was out of a bunch of things, a manager made gd take some violife), watching asterix in britain, shower (inverting the bucket system made it easier and distracted mr smear) and dinner and bedtime

half an hour of "why didn't you finish dr seuss?" from my son (it's a bloody long book, that's why), big mouth (still phenomenal) and watermelon, then work

monday 23rd:

and then some posting. now a few more minutes of marc maron and bed.