all hallows' eve

monday 23rd:

marc maron's too real is brilliant, in bed at 2.20am with a very sore hand

waking up painfully slowly until diaper change stress turned psychostorm, getting gd and mr smear to where they needed to be then taking so long to get to my mom's that it was time to pick gd up already (damned forgotten keys), a long talk in the car and then returning to my mom's to fail to get the city of cape town on the line, picking up mr smear, stopping home for lunch and then walking with mr smear and the nanny until my mom's, a short while later they joined me for mr smear's nap because the construction at home was too much but just as the arrived my mom's neighbours fired up their hammers and drills so it was only marginally better

a struggle with CORS but eventually succeeding, returning home for a dinner while on a conference call - not ideal - and shower, eventually putting mr smear to bed and finally finishing the 500 hats of bartholomew cubbins with him for the first time

the anticlimactic realization that game of thrones season 7 has only seven episodes, fighting with videotron about an unpaid invoice, working until late

tuesday 24th:

up painfully early but with the ends of spirited away, my neighbour totoro and howl's moving castle, hustling mr smear to school then taking a little down time before dropping gd of at the mall and working to good beats until pickup time

managing to get mr smear to the car in record time only to have to go all the way back to the classroom to change him. watching him and a friend's kid and losing them both on the playground, panicking and eventually finding him coming around from the dark side of the jungle gym, picking up gd and parking with him snoozing in the back, but unfortunately waking him when we got home; a slow afternoon entertaining and working

fedex telling me not to worry when i expressed concern that the package we were waiting for went from cape town to johannesburg, then at 5.30pm receiving an update to the effect that the documents had been sent to the wrong address. it didn't help that the african contact number they have listed is invalid :/

evening meal while gd stewed about the insensitive pharmacists (is it really necessary to be douchey and judgemental?)

dropping gd off at her class and bringing mr smear back home, unable to interest him in dinner, showering and putting him to bed with two short books and pretzels and getting a magical "daddy? i love you" when i turned the light off

... and ten minutes later he was yelling for the living room...

... and three and a half hours later i crawled out of bed after lying for a while in discomfort...

wednesday 25th:

adding a fun feature before crashing at 2.30am, up at 6.45 to zombie-state put on spirited away

a mostly pleasant morning until mr smear needed a timeout and gd and i had a shattering fight about discipline, a breakdown and taking mr smear to school and coming home for an hour and a half communicating: i'm forced to acknowledge that i'm sick, and that i need anger management. i cannot distinguish between myself and the behaviour i use to protect myself, when i feel antagonized i completely disconnect from all emotions save rage and hurt. i don't even know where right ends and wrong begins. i don't know how to prioritize threats and i don't know how to adjust my responses accordingly.

why is it often so much harder to understand and accept that our behaviour is harming ourselves and others than it is to change it?

sorting out the police clearance delivery with an excellent fedex courier, struggling to get work done before going to pick up mr smear; a little play time with his best friend and his sister, coming home for lunch then walking to my mom's with him and the nanny and settling down to work, making great progress which i completed on returning home; continuing to work while gd and mr smear whiled away a cold and windy afternoon

a mostly-smooth bedtime, the last episodes of big mouth (magnificent from start to finish), crashing early (9.30pm)

thursday 26th:

4am hammering waking us, a restless couple of hours then giving up and getting up to start the day with a stiff neck

learning that the bubonic plague is still alive and threatening south africa

mr smear coughing himself awake, lots of duplo fun and then the usual until dropping him off at school, racing over to town to install an insurance tracker and leaving pissed off because i could've gotten it done if they'd just told me what to prepare beforehand

an emotional therapy session

taking mr smear to nü while gd discussed jewish shamanism with the rabbi
the car key crumbling on our visit to the chiropractor, a nap with boxing tire practice taking place noisily below mr smear's window, a long accountant conversation, the challah bake with and without mr smear and being super awkward saying goodbye to my hebrew teacher

gd's awesome first challah

friday 27th:

early morning hebrew songs
looking at shoes and a big grocery shopping eating up my workday
twenty minutes of work then picking up mr smear
an emergency pick n pay run for nothing (empty shelves)
the forgotten stroller remembered just as i parked outside my mom's
fifteen minutes to charge my phone and fix a bug before rushing out to waze on a rapidly-emptying battery
the intro meeting with the anger management guy a background check, a third shopping on the way home, a fourth shortly after
evening planning stress while trying to get some work done and entertain mr smear while gd baked
friday night dinner
absolutely buggered

saturday 28th:

early up, gd struggling, a stupidly hot day, arriving at an empty temple already half an hour late before learning that we were supposed to be in wynberg; waze failing but arriving reasonably fast, mr smear behaving really well (and crying impressively quietly when he bashed his temple against a pew), eating lunch in the car, driving home and taking advantage of mr smear's nap - even managing to sleep after he woke up as gd occupied him with the dr horrible soundtrack.

a fun, quick visit to the park next door, shopping with dirty trolleys, tipping badly balanced bottles at the liquor store

a braai at the temple, the kids keeping each other busy and connecting the parents, a really nice havdalah ceremony and coming home really late but with mr smear still awake so showering and reading him to bed (and allowing him two bananas, but no beigelleh)

finishing an episode of elementary (loved it), then scribbling this until 23.25

sunday 29th:

working until 2.30am

dreaming: "old mcgrampa had a meth lab"

a beautiful summer's morning, gd still struggling but joining me in taking mr smear to clifton 4th. feeling fine until a few minutes before we left, then a short period of acid reflux and a sinus headache before meds kicked in, grabbing the last parking spot before realizing we had no cash for the parking attendant

a super hot and beautiful day with the water forming a little kid's pool, being joined by mr smear's best friend, mr smear joyfully screaming "i NEED the sea!" while bounding in naked-nuts-deep to the freezing water, his friend throwing sand in his face and my taking the opportunity to walk him through the correct response

keeping the kids awake to play at primi piatti, then home for a serious nap; i couldn't nap, so i played some (unsuccessful) command&conquer instead (i'm really not very good)

getting through the evening, some parts easier than others, and being so tired by the time my mom arrived that i forgot she was there and left the toilet door open while peeing

shower (don't drink grey water, boy!), bedtime, a bit of stranger things 2 and a junk food pigout and serious rls

monday 30th:

interrupted dreams, exhausted waking, tissue box emergency stress, barely eating half my breakfast
a boiling hot day, lots of driving so it was great having taken a bunch of psytrance cds along, dropping off mr smear at school then racing home to print documents and take gd to the hairdresser, getting an hour of offline work done while waiting then taking her to see a neurologist in pinelands, dropping her off and rushing straight back to pick up mr smear and take him home to the nanny before rushing straight back to pick up gd then race home to drop her off before heading out to a job interview at century city, only getting trapped by the anti-farm-murder protest on the way and having less than half an hour to get there instead of an hour and with no battery for waze (so i had to borrow gd's phone)

arriving *just* on time but struggling to find parking, a not-unpleasant interview experience (although it would have been nice to have been offered water or coffee), then returning home in easier traffic to sit and finally finish my breakfast before mr smear woke up, then working, visiting the chiropractor and grocery shopping until dinner time; a very nice and simple dinner together, a positive shower and tooth-brushing experience and only a little tantruming before bedtime reading; gd going straight to bed and me watching half of get carter before getting back to work

tuesday 31st:

almost paying off one of our credit cards (i'll be jumping for joy when it's both of them, and when we'll be able to start making local purchases instead of paying international charges on every bloody charge), working well until taking a break to write this and now jumping back in