de-stress

or re-stress. through a series of intriguing random links i stumbled earlier upon kelly mcgonigal's how to make stress your friend, one of the single most directly useful and important pieces of data that i personally need. you might well need it too. watch it!

---yesterday:

i woke up from a lucid dream of fighting scrapper gladator-style in an arena with an evil and violent relentlessness and horrific self-awareness. i don't recall the context but it set a dark tone for the day. the darkness continued lightly with my "new" headphones breaking (the right ear's cable's damaged), and deepened when i found myself responding impatiently to a problem newk'd was having. granted i was stressing out about the work i was doing and was irritated by his imprecision in describing the issue, but darn's assessment and report the day before brought to the fore a level of intolerance that i was quite ashamed of after i settled down.

that led to even greater distraction when i tried to get back into my work and could only think of "the newk'd problem". i tried discussing things with him over messaging while getting some work done, which ultimately proved to be a bad idea. now that i've heard darn i'm a lot more sensitive to his petulance. trying to get past this and find a fix, i came up with a solution that i'm pretty sure offended him even though it's in his best interests; i need him to start investing himself in studying theory - data structures, algorithms, design patterns and alternative paradigms and methodologies. and then i need to coach him personally.

either way, i feel poisoned by megaman and darn. if we're going to add significance to the jewish new year then this has been an ugly way to begin it.

---the end of the workday felt like an epic fail. while explaining to darn the situation i was leaving for the two-day holiday in, i thought about how i would hear the words i was saying if i was him, and as the words left my mouth i thought "credibility blown". it didn't help that he misunderstood my description of a bug that could be treated as a feature and was left with the impression that i'd been wasting my time implementing the "feature" instead of focusing on the core design...

---on my way home i picked up wine for dinner gifts and added a bottle of rum, downing a solid splash on arrival the same way i used to do during my interrogations. it was through a light haze that i got dressed, feeling awkward about putting on nice clothes for the first time in almost half a year, and walked out to a mind-bogglingly stunning sunset, all bright yellows and pink clouds streaked across the lightest blue of skies.

dinner was great, if a little awkward. there were a couple of interesting conversations amidst all the regular smalltalk, a significant note being struck by someone telling me that it's somehow possible for me to begin the canadian citizenship process directly bypassing the quebec one. something involving interviewing across the border (the us border) that wouldn't require me to speak french.

i strongly suspect that that's not a relevant avenue anymore, and in any event i really need to learn french so i don't know if i'd care to add layers of complication to the process.

by the end of the evening everyone was sleepy, so the goodbyes were said spontaneously and quickly. i was, as usual, very uncomfortable with waves versus handshakes versus kisses, on the way out i thought i'd gotten it right for once but then suddenly realized that i'd kissed another guest i'd never met but skipped the hostess. aw, crap :(

---today:

the windows are open and i'm sweating in spite of it only being fifteen degrees. during the night it dropped down to six, and while i pulled out my duvet cover i didn't actually use it. oh, canada: what have you done to me?!

i think i like it ^_^
as i walked around running errands today, i was struck emotionally by how the weather exposed a sense of spring that i can only connect to cape town on its best days.

...

i woke up to a chat with pg culminating in her holding up all my israeli clothing to the webcam for me to choose which to throw and which to keep. the video quality was terrible and some of the items were hard to recognize, but either way i sent most of it to be donated: we were both proud of my ability to let go. heck, of all my band / experience shirts and hoodies i think i kept only one. my claws shirt, because it's an awesome shirt and it's the fraternity that i will always identify with the most.

when she turned the light on at the end of the chat the video quality improved drastically...

*sigh*

it looks like we have another potential buyer for our apartment! i hope this all goes smoothly and quickly, may the best (first) man (couple) win.

i walked to the computer / surveillance store next door to discover that a simple, good motion-detection / video camera solution costs $150 (should i waste my time pitching it to the building manager?) and that their keyboards are *way* cheaper than what i'd find at walmart. on the way to walmart to price-check i discovered that there's another subway and it's much nicer and cleaner than the one i usually go to that's only marginally closer.

...

i tried to get something done at the post office and was surprised to hear the woman ahead of me explaining to the guy how to do his job. good thing for her she knew all the ins and outs of international postage, he was utterly clueless and wouldn't even admit that he was lost. he could easily have cost her the package she was sending! when i stepped up afterwards and asked for something simple, he asked me to come back in fifteen minutes when his manager would be around.

huh.

he was of middle-eastern origin with a heavy accent, i suspect there was an honour thing going on there.

...

i had a quick cup of coffee at the starbucks, did some serious supermarket shopping and then arbed around before napping an hour or so. i woke up with more of a headache than when i'd started...

---i think i'm addicted to penny arcade: gamers vs evil. seriously.

...

i'm listening to the new nin album i pre-ordered. i'm not blown away :(

---happy jewish new year, everyone.