why do i try?

i'm like the little engine that could, only i keep on trying even when there aren't any tracks. i cannot let go of my desire to help, to correct, to improve, and i keep on going even when there's nobody home.

i usually have no problem standing on the bus and reading... but this morning, the woman next to me pulled out a book before i could, and that just made me all awkward about "copying her" :P

i had a go at my ride for recommending the little prince when he obviously didn't get the point of it. he was highly offended, and stalked off - i discovered later that he himself only read it a week ago for the first time. i had to apologize, and then inform the people who were around at the time that i'd been mistaken. at least that means that there's a chance we'll have fewer arguments over my "childish" behaviour in the future.

the environmentalists:

1. insubordination
the guy who took an interest was called up by the unit head for "going around his commanders". i cleared myself with my SC (more of a double-check, because he has no memory) of the same charge, as i ran through the correct channels.

2. "i'm not responsible"
the chat with my SC turned into a full-scale attack on him, as he's of the opinion that everything's alright and someone else can worry about the future. this coming from a man with kids really blows my mind. eventually, he told me that he's aware that he's not taking responsibility for his actions, but he's authorizing me to keep trying to change his attitude.

doos.

my workday consisted of transferring reams of data to a wiki. the wiki table formatting doesn't work, so i built a table generator before getting started. i then showed the guy who wiki-shocked me yesterday, and he hemmed and hawed and told me "we'll see".

i hope he will. otherwise, that was a serious waste of a day :P

the wall of
she attacks everything i say, claiming that she wants to learn. she puts down any pursuit in non-scientific fields as pointless and wasteful, and makes fun of anything she doesn't understand. why, then, do i keep trying to answer her questions? she trapped me with one after another, and at one point i answered her with "i know what it is, i don't know how to get it across".
her response?
"if you know something, then you can't have a problem with getting it across."

i made an attempt, and failed, because she began playing word-games. i find the bloody-minded literalness frightening. then i recalled the points i've come across regarding the slow bleeding-out of language by the strangling of words until they lose their power... you can keep defining until you've lost what you were trying to describe. and then you can communicate like a newspeak-limited idiot.

i mentioned the bump that's been hurting me - i suddenly remembered that about two weeks ago i slipped on my blades, and landed on my right thigh. the damage is consistent with the sort that one takes from using a piercing-gun. blunt trauma, way to go.

i'm not sure if i've had this concept implanted subconsciously or not, but something suddenly occurred to me:
"ew! you can't eat puppies! puppies are adorable and we love them!" - then why do you have no problem with wiping with them? huh? weirdos.