they made me cry

i have *just* finished the taekwondo flyer design, and i'm rather proud of it :)

topic of the day:
in the last five years at least, the only times i've cried have been in really sad movies. for all the rest, i've wanted to, but couldn't. today i cried for myself, for my frustration and my anguish and my sense of hopelessness.

today, i failed again. and again, while telling the truth. the difference is that this time it started off great - i cruised through the first round of questioning and didn't skip a beat. after that, i don't know what happened.

the guy who tested me actually impressed me - primarily because he listened and could be brought to understand (a little) how important phrasing is with me. i have to admit, after the test i was really impatient with him - after a couple of times that i cut him short he really let me have it, and that was about when the little-boy-who-needs-his-blankie inside of me cut loose.

i thought i'd need a drink after that, but a good coffeeholic lunch and coffee (shouldn't have, i couldn't sleep afterwards and i needed the siesta) over re-visioning psychology (i've gotten through a lot today, it seems to be a good day for sinking in^ʢ and i've enjoyed it), and an episode of the big bang theory plus a pseudo-nap had me ready for taekwondo.

training was great - my body seems to be getting used to the stress of stretching and i pushed it pretty far. i think i got a little taller, this evening :P
afterwards, the organizer of last wednesday's game (scrapper) invited me for dinner (he was giving me a ride towards tel aviv anyway), and we had a very interesting talk. or set of talks, we kept switching topic. i caught a bus home (walking off it completely caught up in tool - 10,000 days), and after showering got straight to work. in silence. i'm in a weird mood.

also, i've eaten a lot of cookies tonight.

^ʢ note to self:
i woke up this morning
held in jung's strong arms
with a worn-out hamilton
contorted in mine

after a night with hillman
who forced himself on me
it's a socially painful awakening
after so long, so fraudulently isolated
in a room full of distorted mirrors
and cheap tricks to keep me lost

i can only blame myself
for entering the labyrinth
my cocksure curiosity
and relentless self-goading

but i am glad to have gleaned the insight:
to always turn right

---
i did say i'd fill in yesterday's blanks:

* door smack reminder
on tuesday, i was leaving the base bus, the left door was jammed and some idiot was blocking the right one. in order to get out of the right side, i had to skirt around him... and as i did so the left door violently unjammed, hitting me really hard in the arm. i carried on walking, registering the contact with surprise after a few steps.

* temporary fix, glued fingers, too late for the weather
i put my glasses together again, and amusingly enough the weather had improved to the point where i didn't need them. i only discovered when i got to base that i had dried glue on my hands - luckily nothing else :P

* missing buses
if i hadn't spent more than thirty seconds looking up a letter in my japanese dictionary (and no, not for anything reasonable), i wouldn't have missed both - and the only - buses that i needed. that sucked.

* gift appreciation
kc's mother called to thank me for the shiatsu pillow - i'm well pleased that she's happy with it ^_^

* the ambulance issue(s)
a couple of months ago i had an upsetting issue with medical fees - the army refused to pay them and i received threats that i'd be sued. i unhappily forked over the cash, and that was that. a few days ago i received another warning, for the same amount, for the same event. or so i thought. it turned out, after much unhappy telephony and extremely unhelpful people, that the fees i paid two months ago were for last year's ambulance - during the entire debacle, nobody had corrected me when i talked about this year's emergency ward visit.

unbelievable. the funny thing is, last year i was in a course, and i was told by the army medical that they would pay the fees automatically, and that i didn't have to worry about anything. they didn't file the report, and now i have to claim back the payment and pass it on to the army.

i really shouldn't have to be making all this effort. and i shouldn't have to be stressing about being sued, either.

* japanese pseudo-buddy
the girl in my section who i have trouble communicating with? she knows a fair amount of japanese - i didn't realize she'd actually taken a course. i think i've managed to get her to enunciate a bit, so hopefully that'll help me improve mine :)

* on health and climate
i find it incredible - i find it incredible every time - that my health is largely affected by the current weather. i felt absolutely dreadful during the heatwave / dust-storm, and the second it cleared up i felt fine again!

* gentle rinse
one of the girls in our unit was promoted, and although we don't usually celebrate girls' ranks like we do the guys (tying them up and drenching them with buckets of water / rotten food / old milk), for this one we made an exception. a few of us, with no prior communication, had appeared in her office conspicuously wielding a bottle of water to congratulate her. she was getting freaked out, and everyone interested spontaneously gathered in the hallway outside...
one of the guys convinced her that it was in her own interests to risk leaving the safety of her sanctum, and we managed to trap her and drench her without any physical contact.

she was a bit upset with me... the water i threw on her was very, very cold }:)

* paper waste
apparently, i've managed to remove myself from a bunch of mailing lists that bring each permanent forcer a monthly pile of waste paper. i've already been asked to pass the details along - perhaps we can make a difference ^_^

* guest flyer-ing
one of the girls from our unit (the one who appears to have a crush on me) came over to my place because we were both going to visit my ex-team-mate and we wanted to buy a house-warming gift together. i had to work on the flyer design, and she proved very helpful. it's always good to have a fresh pair of eyes :)

* fondue shopping
the shopping was fun - not fun was controlling myself and *not* buying for my pad. we found an excellent fondue set, and i had a good laugh at the girl who "helped" us. she was not only clueless, but treated the other customers with awkward disdain.

---
i'm definitely training again later, tomorrow's the 350 (for me, joining a mass blade through the desert), and tomorrow night's gaming night (two confirmed, we'll see what *really* happens), so i should probably be in bed.

from the guardian - a quick and correct take on the goldstone report

surface d&d - very cute

boat behind is a very sweet video :)

i'm back to watching the big bang theory, and just discovered that we both wear fruit fucker shirts ^_^

the path sounds very good - i didn't read it all because it seems a bit spoiler-ish, but the concept is brilliant. and educational.