weekend on wheels (with a jammed axle)

1. this world makes no sense to me
when the truth i'm learning is so far from my reality
my view of myself so transparently
warped and wounded
correctly corrected in ways i despise
but despising my shortcomings and wishing them gone

2. lying to myself doesn't interest me,
so how can i pretend that i don't want you?
i can't play the game and i'm too tired of the same
so i'm going to be true
and leave

i feel awful. probably going to go back to sleep in a second. i had breakfast earlier (after unsuccessful clothing shopping) on a corner of bazel while reading a book, and i actually started passing out.

yesterday was mildly torturous. most of the day was covered with presentations, and only the first and last half an hour held much interest. there wasn't enough oxygen and i just couldn't focus. the lunch break was annoying: we had an hour to kill in the middle of tel aviv on a thursday afternoon and we weren't allowed to venture past the steps of the building :S

i bought a beautiful book on the way out: it ate billy on christmas. it's absolutely stunning!

which reminds me, i finally finished j.v. jones - a fortress of grey ice. the final chapter and epilogue are way too fast for the rest of the book, but other than that it was superb as usual and i can't wait to get hold of the third.

and now i'm back to reading dan simmons - the fall of hyperion. finally!

a few of us ate sushi together, and then i returned home to put in the laundry, have a quick shower and crash. the kid woke me up before my alarm - "dude! hurry up! get dressed! there's a guy here looking at the apartment!". i felt sick, dizzy and delirious and exhausted, and there i was dragging myself out of bed to meet with a potential flatmate who doesn't understand time-slots.

we spent the next couple of hours interviewing, with a couple of nice people and some really weird ones. the coffee helped a little, but while it removed the sick feeling it didn't do anything to relieve me of my exhaustion. of course, when singer called to organize an outing to hear eatliz i didn't say no.

i'd completely forgotten about this, but on monday / tuesday night i returned a missed call: "hi, totalwaste. sorry, my phone just dialed your number by itself". when she told me her name i didn't even register, just told her it was alright and wished her a good night. last night when i went past cafeneto to get coffee for the bus ride to the barbie, i discovered that it was none other than sunshine - i can't believe that after all this time and especially after the last incident she's still got my number.

why would she keep my number??

singer and i missed the first four songs of the performance, but the rest of it was totally worth it. lee triffon wasn't at her best, but even so was still incredible, and eatliz's new songs are really, really good.

and surprising: they've got an awesome metal track where the geeky bald guy with glasses just went ape... hardcore growling was not something anyone had anticipated, and it was both good and highly amusing!

singer and i walked all the way back to the ilke. after the concert i was feeling horrible, and she wouldn't make a decision. some of the chatting on the way was pleasant, lots of it really wasn't, and by the time we finally arrived the situation was dire. in the heat of the moment, though, she made a point about my not listening to other people that really did sink in.

strangely, the second we entered the bar my mood lifted, i felt better, not even bt could bring me down and the drinking began. we drank ourselves silly, enjoyed a much better evening, and i think it was 4am when i stumbled home.

i sent a message this morning to lee regarding something she'd said last night between songs: they're trying to get to lollapalooza (vote for them!), and she mentioned that radiohead was going to be there. i told her there's no need to bring them up, radiohead may be world-famous but eatliz rocks :)

this morning the kid went to buy summer clothes and i joined in the hope of finding shorts. not a single pair. but i did get new boardies - a pity that they didn't have stock of the ones that i really wanted in my size :(

i did the shopping when we got home, went out for breakfast, slept, and am now about to crash for another short bout before heading out.