too much to report

t'was an interesting walk last night to the restaurant... i updated my internal map of tel aviv with all manner of paths and details.

it wasn't a restaurant, so much as a 25+ club. i spent a couple of hours with good friends, and drank a bit - i thoroughly enjoyed myself.

what got to me, however, was that as much as i was enjoying myself, or because i was enjoying myself, on the way home all i could think of was how much i've changed to accommodate being in the army. i've given up so much of myself in order to fit in, and even though i thought i'd merely put it all aside, i realized last night that i'd actually forgotten a major part of who i am. i have spent the last six months, maybe more (while mentally preparing for the army), as nothing more than a shadow of myself. and that angers me. a lot.

i'm more angry with myself than with my situation. sure, i'm serving with a bunch of kids. even the older members of the standing army are kids compared to me - they've been in the army framework their entire post-high school lives. but i've forgotten to be myself when i'm not in uniform, and THAT has been killing me.

after the revelation, my day today in the army was quite alright. my attitude's about halfway back to normal (it could take a long time, but it's better than it was), and i feel a lot better about myself. it will take a while to get out of the mentality of "i have to", dreading each day, when i'm actually just on another rough stage of my path... and succeeding.

this morning i was shown how to deal with oracle databases in java - turned out my code was off by FOUR characters. i'd specified the wrong driver, 'cause that's what the reference material had told me to do... always sucks, but very satisfying to see it work.

i had lunch with the dog at azrieli - a humongous (and not-healthy-as-such) burger king meal, only to get back to the base to TONS of really good food. what a bummer. i slept a bit - my commander didn't say a word - and then had coffee for an hour with a cute techie girl. i'm not at all sure how i feel about her.

i got a ride home with a girl from my neighbourhood - i discovered that she's 20 with a degree (or most of one) in mechanical engineering... and i always thought she was just one of the not-so-brights, many of whom end up at our base. interesting.

i did some work in the evening, discovered why the word second applies both to position and to time measurement (i also now know what the "H." in Jesus H. Christ stands for - "Heptoid"), slashdotted, showered, and got picked up by one of our section's civilians to go play the pool i owed him (i couldn't handle quitting smoking as well as he can).

we picked up the dog, and spent a few hours teaching this dude the basics. it was fun - and at the end the dog and i played a couple of amazing games.

got a lift home, and now off to bed.