shivering

i took myself off to bed, but was far too stressed to sleep. a repeat of that low-grade panic attack brought me back to my pc, quaking in consternation, to get to work on one of the projects.

i grafted until 5am, crashed for 3.5 hours, and then woke up straining again*. i've sent off my cv to a bunch of new places and a long email proposal to yogi, and have come to the conclusion that the issue i have with finding work is timing. one month - this month in particular - simply wasn't enough.

* i wouldn't have managed even that if i hadn't slept with my grind guard... damn.

i'm convinced, although that's no guarantee. now stressing about whether or not to bail myself out with a loan. in addition to my mortgage. crap.