Sunday, July 31, 2005

errr... oops...

i finally got around to doing some work. after plenty of procrastination. and promptly hit a brick wall. hopefully i'll get inspired sometime today, otherwise i'm in the dog-box.

i also managed to get kicked and banned from my favourite counterstrike server. i think it was partially the bit where i sarcastically instructed everyone to continue camping like little bitches, and partially the bit where i called the admin a "backward baboon with brain damage".

it is conceivable that i overstepped a mark.

anyways, i totally crashed around 9pm, didn't go anywhere aside from dreamy-dream land, and have just woken up (6.10am) to go ta "work".

Saturday, July 30, 2005

calm and collected

that was cleansing: i just watched forrest gump, and i haven't really cried like that in years. what a fantastic story, and so well told.

yesterday evening was nice - the food was a amazing, the company was great. ended on a weird note, however, as i got involved in an argument with an 18 year-old because he doesn't know the difference between killing and murder. and this started because we were discussing the fact that humans need to eat animals in order to survive.

the level to which modern "philosophy" has corroded our society astounds me.

afterwards i went to the lizard, which would have been a great party if the music hadn't sucked so much. i quite suffered, so at 3am i convinced the dog to come with me to the meimad. serious strippers with hard, hard rock and metal in the background was entertaining, but the crowd was weird and i just couldn't get in the mood. also, i saw the girl i was kind of dating a while back, and that wasn't too comfortable.

we left around 5.30 or so, and i crashed at the dog's place. i was shaken awake around 1pm, and rushed out the apartment. i walked home in the boiling heat - shirt off and most conscious of my odd body shape. funny, i wonder what i'd think if it wasn't mine.

i spent a lot of time thinking of my first israeli girlfriend - funny how i miss her, and at the same time would never contemplate getting back together with her. i miss the girl that i knew when i knew her, and i can never get that back. i'm glad i appreciated it at the time, but it totally sucks now. it upsets me that she's become who she has, and i really do feel sorry for her.

got back and watched the movie, now going to play some counterstrike, and maybe get some work done. i've been putting this off for too long.

Friday, July 29, 2005

betterer

ow. the chafing on my legs is rather unpleasant.

i started watching forrest gump, second time ever. when the kids start throwing stones at him i burst into tears, a reaction far stronger than the first time. man, that's a powerful movie. i stopped watching though, because the dog reminded me that i didn't have enough time. so i packed and got dressed and made me way to his place, for lunch and tekken.

s'been entertaining. i'm now off to herzeliya, listening to the dog in the background doing the same thing the mongoose did to me exactly one week ago - playing randomly on the guitar and singing songs making fun of me. there's gotta be something more fulfilling playing a guitar.

my ears are hurting.

slow morning

work wasn't quite crazy last night, but there were enough calls to keep us busy. by the time 7.30 rolled around, i was beyond exhausted - i was feeling ill and barely able to walk. i got a ride from one of the guys, and drunkenly stumbled home.

and after a quick shower, i slept like a baby.

i was woken around 12 by my doorbell. weird. the woman in charge of the building had dropped off a letter saying that they're going to start renovating our building, and that each tenant is going to have talks with the landlord to sort out who's staying and who's moving where.
they really didn't need to press the buzzer.

so, being awake, i watched constantine. what a grand fscking movie. suPERB.

i was going to sleep some more, but i think i'll go get me some breakfast.

i am totally into linkin park at the moment - i wonder why it took me so long...

i'm in a weird place in my head lately. i can't figure out how i feel about my day to day stuff. i find myself apathetic again. i find my mind full of incongruities, my desires as well. i guess i'm just in need of a well-rounded holiday. meaning a holiday where i do sweet bugger-all for a while. like what i'm getting in just over a week. after i get my tattoo done. which i very much hope doesn't incur complications - that would be seriously unpleasant, especially seeing as the army doesn't have to provide medical treatment (or at least does provide a court-martial) for tattoos.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

flashback - at work!

yesterday

somehow managed to get out of bed (almost) on time. i came in half an hour late, but i figure they kind of owed it to me from the half-days i DIDN'T take. i slept until just before lunch, ate the crap they gave us, and spent the rest of the day doing random stuff.

including finding out that the army had the wrong bank account number for me... which theoretically meant that i didn't receive any paychecks for half a year.

had a horribly burnt toasted sandwich and passable lemonade for supper (7pm?), then crashed after watching fifteen minutes of fahrenheit 9/11. and i crashed HARD.

today

started off the day with a WEIRD work problem. at roughly 10, i started running around the base 'cause one of my soldiers was officially AWOL. which was bullshit - they've sent him off into the sticks to guard, and forgot to fill out a form. my welfare officer and i tried sorting out my bank issues telephonically, but

i ended up going to the bank personally anyway. trying to fix aforementioned problem over the phone, without success.

once i'd gotten to the bank, and waited a bit, i got the manager to help me out. and everything went smoothly. and i discovered that i did, in fact, receive all my money. two thumbs up.

had lunch, went past my boss's place for coffee and a chat, then returned to the base. it took me a loooong time to get back. i don't know why.

the problem had sorted itself out by the time i got back - we don't know what happened. i *hate* those problems. i spent the remainder of the day clearing out email, paying visits to people, and consistently doing badly in tetris.

i went straight home, and watched the rest of fahrenheit 9/11. that is one helluva documentary, mike. well done. funny that it doesn't show anything we didn't already know, but his points are lucid and valid. i don't know why everyone was complaining about the conspiracy theory thing, it's not directly related but it does make a few good points.

the fact that i'm reading 1984 right now does help :P

speaking of which, i don't know why i didn't remember the book as being THIS good the first time i read it - maybe i just didn't appreciate it enough due to inexperience. or something.

i'm now at work, after getting here all sweaty because the bus system sucks ass. gonna go prep - coffee and cigarette time.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

*grooooooooooooooan*

*breathless* i've just got back home, and i'm dying. not only exhausted, and out of breath (unfit and smoking too much), but my legs have ceased functioning, and my feet and ankles are in severe pain. i cannot begin to describe the relief i felt when i removed my blades, and my socks... i cannot begin to describe how painful it is typing this. even my arms are busted.

yesterday:

i had a meeting (online) with the woman i'm working with, and we came (more or less) to a resolution. more work still, and it'll take longer, and we're under the same time limit.

this shouldn't happen in a professional environment.

i watched starship troopers... it's the first time i've seen it from the beginning. i've always missed the whole high-school segment, and that just changes SO much stuff!

i also had a bitch and moan session with my mom, which was much needed.

today:

the dog and i spent the morning moving offices. for lunch i joined a farewell party for a guy i know, which was nice. except that it was on the roof, in the boiling heat. oh well.

i had a huge fight with my commander, and he's threatened me directly - if i continue to vocalize my disagreement with him he'll really fuck me up. worst thing is that he really can, so i have to sit tight and keep my mouth shut.

that sucks ASS.

spent the afternoon missioning around the base, swapping favours generally being sociable.

-- breaks to tend to sore feet, screwed up in every which way from the new blades --

i went to work, had an extended coffee with sammy, who's been away for a while. t'was really nice. i then met a friend at azrieli for coffee, and it looks like some very interesting (and important) work may be coming my way.

he gave me a ride home, i changed and bladed to meet with the rollerblading group.

TWO - AND - A - HALF - HOURS. of almost non-stop power skating. it was a LOT of fun, but my body is broken and my feet are aflame. not to mention my back and neck.
and arms.
i'm actually quite impressed with myself - but totally scared of waking up in the morning.

showering soon, then off to bed. i'm gonna sleep soooooooooo well. it's the waking up that's ALWAYS a problem.

Monday, July 25, 2005

permission to speak: denied.

decided this morning that i was going to get my tattoo done this weekend - but that plan got thrown out the window. so it'll have to be next weekend. big difference :D

i went to see the commander of the wing this morning, and discovered that due to the chain of command, i need my commander's permission just to speak to him. he and i are not so much friends anymore, and he refuses to let me discuss anything with anyone. i luckily managed to run into the guy anyway (unofficially, of course), and i explained as little as possible, as tactfully as possible, and now i have to wait.

as usual.

learned some more of said arbitrary shit today, and generally layed about.

and was angry. yes - i was VERY angry. this whole story with my commander has pissed me off totally. i am SO disappointed with his attitude.

got home relatively recently, and spoke to the boss about things. probably gonna work a bit tonight - or not - but BOY am i glad the day's more or less over.

spirited away...

it's 1.44am, and i've just showered after watching fight club. not just inspiring - i feel clean. spiritually clean. i'm reminded and reinforced in my personal mission, although completely different from that depicted in the film :P

i keep wanting to write down a list of who and what i am. because i keep forgetting. i keep getting lost in the mundane. i keep hiding parts of myself from moment to moment, just so that i can get through it.

i am strong, because i use the strength of my body and mind to fulfil a purpose beyond proving that strength. regardless of outcome - i don't give a shit if i fall while on my way. my mission is my life, even if my path is twisted and turned and i don't succeed. i have turned my entire being into a kernel of directed energy.

that's the intent, anyway.

you always do what you think is right at the time, my mommy says. i live by that.

not entirely related (:P), i'm once again taken by the physical side of the movie. the idea behind knowing yourself by damaging yourself is certainly a powerful. and it does feel good. free.

this movie reminds me that i'm okay.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

prepare yourself for imminent bladder ejection!

naaah, it was a nothingy day.

naaah, it was actually rather interesting.

this morning. started the day with a solid hot chocolate. then a discussion (which turned out rather pleasantly) with the guy in charge of guarding the base. it was amusing: i started by telling him exactly what i thought of his attitude, and he immediately began trying to convince me that the way i'd understood him was not the way he intended what he said.

and we both knew it was bullshit.

but i played the game, and we agreed, without directly discussing the subject at hand, that we'd be cool from now on.

i went past the commander of the wing's office, for some good chit-chat, then back to the office. spent the working parts of the day learning some arbitrary, unrelated crap. we broke for a great humus lunch, but that about covers the day. oh, and i slept a bit.

the dog joined me in going to the lincoln, where i warmed up. not well enough. but then, i haven't played properly in so long it would take me hours of playing by myself to get close to my former glory. "glory". i wasn't THAT good, but i was definitely better. much, much better.

the 5 games i played in the tournament, and lost, were fantastic. upsetting... very upsetting that i made so many mistakes. stupid ones. but i was nervous, and excited, and thoroughly enjoyed them. it irks me that the guy i played wasn't quite as good as i should have been... whatever.

had awesome milkshakes to calm down, then we bussed to my place. watched invader zim, the dog left, and i'm currently watching fight club again. and i am being inspired, all over again.

before the movie, however, i got an email from the woman i'm working
with. we're supposed to be in final testing, and she sent me a long
email of updates and new things that need to be included in the
system. i'm not impressed.

gonna shower eventually, gonna go to bed, gonna wake up in the morning and carry my ass off to the base. for another day.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

snoozing and losing? maybe just snoozing.

i woke up around 11am, called the woman i'm working with, didn't get a response, so went back to sleep.

until 3pm.

i'm AMAZED.

i had breakfast, watched indiana jones and the raiders of the lost ark (for the first time). great film! spent the rest of the evening catching up more on web stuff, and playing counterstrike.

i had a looooong and unpleasant argument with my sister over one of her kids' struggles with finishing high school. i've mentioned before my intense lack of appreciation for the currently accepted methodology for education, and she didn't get what i was on about.

it also annoys me that the kid won't read. he LOVES harry potter, which - last time i checked - falls into the category of fantasy. but he simply refuses to read any other books, fantasy or otherwise, and both my sister and i have been trying without success to convince him to pick up a book from terry pratchett, robert jordan, j. v. jones, neal stephenson, etc.

this story kills me.

i walked to the lizard, spent a good half hour shooting the breeze, then returned. i'm about to shower, possibly crash. i am tired.

wow. just WOW.

the day started off well, with a pleasant phone call from her. i began the day with loads of net stuff (loads of things i didn't finish from last night, and i'm still not done). and pulp fiction (busy watching the last few minutes now).

it was a good morning.

i learned about the scottish side of my heritage (our clan motto is "animo non astutia", "courage not craft"), bits of history and the tartan colours and symbols.

i also discovered that life of riley is back up and running. w00t!

around 3pm the mongoose came to pick me up, and we went to his place for an enormous, and VERY tasty lunch. we played childish computer games, childish games with sticks, watched rush hour 2, once again missing the ending. fantastic.

we then went to see a movie at cinema city - boogeyman. that's the first horror movie i've seen in YEARS that really hit me, and in spite of a less-than perfect ending, it was TOTALLY worth it.

we went to herzeliya pituach to meet up with the mongoose's shag and a friend of hers. on the way, had an interesting meeting with some cute girls while stuck in traffic. most amusing.

met up with the girls, ended up at a table under a speaker, so it was kinda uncomfortable. lipgirl (met 1.5.04 at a party) had been in touch, so i knew that she was with some friends in tel aviv, and i got the others to join me in meeting them there.

turned out to be a fantastic bloody idea. i'd forgotten what an awesome chick lipgirl is, and it really was great spending time with her. i remembered that i'd wanted to go home with her the night i met her, but i couldn't remember why (it's been so long), and i'm glad we're finally in touch again. also and because of the fact that she's just broken up with her boyfriend.

so i hope something pans out. i really do.

all of us played really bad pool together, and then split up. i got home about a half an hour or so ago, finished watching pulp fiction, and am now on my way to bed. gotta work in the morning :) (good lord - i'm actually excited for that!)

Friday, July 22, 2005

thursday's thanking friday for coming

what a long-ass day :S

on time for the bus, read more 1984. i'm loving it. absolutely loving it.

so anyway, i arrived at the base this morning for inspection, and the new base commander can count. this is a first, and it means that we're in deep shit if he comes and checks again - 20 out of 400 people hasn't illicited comment up until now!

started off the morning dealing with yesterday's problems - which have been discovered to be on our side, so more work for me. goody! really! i'm LOVING this stuff! honest!

spent the morning dealing with weird problems, which instigated us learning more about a relatively interesting (because it's new, i guess) area of our system. we left at 12 to eat lunch and go shopping... i bought my commander a tamagotchi rip-off, just what he needs... and returned to the base completely and utterly overloaded with work.

in the middle of all of this, roughly 3pm, i got a phone call from the base security guy asking me why i hadn't shown up for a shift i wasn't meant to do.
F***ER.
so much for being friendly. the only option i was left with was guarding... dropping everything and guarding... and he'd already screwed the guy i had to relieve by 2 hours. and it's someone i happen to be friends with.
mutha - funsta. i'm not amused. sunday i'm going to go and have a "chat" with him.

once i was guarding, it was alright. almost always is. saw loads of people, talking a lot... but by the time the shift was over, i was jumping for joy and totally thrilled about going home for the weekend. it's been a heavy week.

a friend of mine is guarding the whole weekend, and didn't have anything to do, so i leant him my book. back to one of the others for me, then.
*shrug*
i can't say i won't miss it.

i got home in the mood to run. so run i did. i ran far, and totally wiped myself out - it took me hours after i got home to regain basic mobility. had an AMAZING cool shower, played quite a bit of counterstrike, and listen to seriously good tunes.

the mongoose came over and we went to the coffee shop downstairs, chatted for a while, and i've returned to go to sleep - although performing my web routine of email and news and blogging takes precedence. so here i am, soon to drop off into dreamy-dream land.

-- the more i've thought about it, the more i've realized that i'm getting the short end of a stick i shouldn't be touching in the first place. i'm going to have to retry instead of abort, and i certainly can't ignore. i can't believe i just typed that. i can't believe i'm leaving it in. --

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

whooooooo wee. and how.

testing last night got stuck, one of my files was all screwed up. it took an hour or so to fix, and i think it was all because i'd used SQL comments instead of vbscript ones.

that's just sad.

we then had to stop anyway because the child of the woman i'm working with wasn't feeling well or something. so that was that.

i finished reading catcher in the rye - nice book. really nice. and i began reading 1984 again - i'd forgotten how brilliantly written it is!

made the bus this morning... he says gratefully... and started the day off pretty chilled. then i had a meeting with my section commander. half an hour discussion, half an hour to an hour screaming at each other. let's just say it wasn't the friendlest conversation.

i do find it amusing that the dog arrived late, and when he came to report in he heard us shouting at each other, and decided it wasn't a good time... he was so right...

i had a meeting with some guy, the section commander, and the other team leader, that was boring as hell. and i didn't understand too much of what was going on. nevermind. we then had a get-together to celebrate our commander's 40th birthday, then another get-together to "celebrate" me being promoted to corporal.

everyone except the commander of the wing knew that i didn't want the promotion... i have this thing about not earning rank properly, and about "staying young forever". it's kind of a joke, kind of for real. either way, there were quite a few amusing speeches, and some really nice things were said.
so that's that. whatever.

a bit later i went to get some lunch with our commander, and ran into the extremely cute navy girl. kind of got to talking with her (pretty arbitrary stuff), and she's even prettier from up close. *sigh*

i spent the afternoon assing around, then realized that i actually had work to do and went off to go do it. didn't really succeed, although apparently since then one of the guys managed to make some progress, but the guys in the responsible department were a lot of fun to deal with.

one of the guys in charge of the base's security called me up and asked me to do them a favour, and guard the 6-10 shift. so i agreed. was a bit of a rush to get my gun, and eat something, and the shift commander was a complete and utter prick. it was as if it was his first time, and he was trying to prove something.

hate those. it's the first time i've felt like closing the ejector port on someone's finger during weapon inspection.

i got placed on the small gate, and that was just fine for the first half of the shift. after that i started getting bored... i'd forgotten to bring a book. in general it was alright though, and hopefully the guys won't go back on their word and they'll drop one of my shifts next month.
hopefully.
i'm getting to know them personally, though, so it shouldn't be a problem.

got released smoothly, the mongoose picked me up and gave me and two girls who live in my area a ride home - which gave us a good chance to talk. i got home, played some counterstrike, and was rudely interrupted by the dog, wanting the serial key for windows 98.

FFS.

it took half an hour to get it to him, turns out the first key i gave him was correct - he just can't read his own handwriting. and one of the sites i checked out caused the first program crash on my new pc.

which is most distressing.

so i'm about to shower, and then go to bed.

-- damn. the second phase crashed and burned horribly. i have been completely, utterly, and horribly blocked from persueing, and it KILLS me. ESPECIALLY because the first phase went so well. the possibility has been removed at least for the next 2 months, and after that it's still dodgy at best. i'm really upset about that. --

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

half day holiday

yeah. i was supposed to leave the base today at 12 noon. i left at 5pm. responsibility is a bitch.

on the other hand, it's nice to know that i'm not only trusted by my superiors, but my "inferiors" are beginning to trust my leadership too. i feel good about that.

i'm messing about, then i've got quite a bit of work to do. and tonight, we run a full test on the hospital project, so i'm hoping that all works out fine.
*prays*

it's soooooooooo damn hot and sticky. but it'll be alright. i've given up, i'll just sweat it out - literally.

-- phase two begins. requires tact and careful planning. things could become uncomfortable, but i at least have the satisfaction the everything in the first part went alright. very alright. --

the end of a fishy day

the waterpolo was interesting. first game i've ever seen: i had no idea it was so violent! also, t'was cool watching my cousin playing. we stayed to watch usa vs. israel, then i took a bus home.

i spoke to my mom for a while, then to my boss, then played counterstrike. now just catching up on news, gonna shower, gonna crash.

man, but catcher in the rye IS a great book. i feel like a kid reading it.

Monday, July 18, 2005

just what day IS today?

ok, i'm a bit lost. i just got 4 bug reports - this being my day off - and i can't read the aweful english in ANY of them. i'm having a cigarette because i think my general aggression caused by trying AGAIN to quit is probably interfering.

yesterday:

i had an early meeting with the section commander, who tried to motivate me and tell me why things are going to be great in our section in the near future.

i don't believe him.

i basically spent most of the day just being in charge, assigning work, enforcing, and fixing small bugs. not an especially big day.

in the evening, the dog and i met my boss in herzeliya, had coffee and chatted, i picked up my cheque, and we then met up with a friend of mine for pool at the lincoln.

good pool, the one waitress there just keeps blowing my mind. caught the bus home around 11.30pm, showered, and crashed.

today:

one of our cleaning fish that we bought yesterday was dead this morning, so we had a funeral and then a panicked clean of the tank. hectic. i was meant to take my half day off from noon, but we hadn't finished. and then we had some problems to take care of, so i only left around 2.30pm. went past the hardware store, got myself some drain cleaner, and have just got home to use it and do some work.

wednesday i receive my new rank: corporal. NOT looking forward to it, it means i no longer have a joke rank - it's been such fun!

i can't get hold of my boss to translate the damn bug reports for me, so i'm going to crash for an hour before fucking off to watch my cousin play waterpolo.

-- yesterday i finally set the wheels in motion, but there's still the possibility of a black flag on the horizon. very exciting and scary to have taken a real step though... i get edgy and breathless each time i think about it --

Saturday, July 16, 2005

whoo - wee.

i groggily awoke around 3pm, nose and sinuses and throat and lungs all completely buggered. damn cigarettes.

i finally cleaned my apartment - it's taken me a month or two, and because i have so much stuff here it took me hours. not cool.

aside from that, haven't really done much today. going out for supper, probably crashing soon afterwards.

gearing up to gear down

thursday night:

work went alright. i was exhausted, and kept nodding off... and this time there were quite a few calls. oh well.

i got home at 4.15, and crashed while the dog worked. i woke up around 10am, the dog was already up again, working again. we went out for breakfast - the most expensive rogelach i've ever had, and then returned to work some more. when he left, i played some counterstrike, watched some zim, and arbed. i did a little work for the mongoose, then got ready and took an expensive taxi (is there any other kind?) to ramat aviv.

dinner was really pleasant. it was good seeing my aunt and cousin again, their relatives are nice, and the food was really something.

the mongoose picked me up around 22.45, and we went to the lizard. we sat around and did nothing, then at 1.30 arrived at the meimad. it was the worst party i've been to there - very boring. even so, we left around 5 or so. i've just had a shower, and am trying to decide if i should crash immediately, or do something brainless.

-- i've more or less decided how to proceed with the interesting thing. i'm going to try to see if i can make the current situation work, if not, i'll just go with the new one. either way, sunday will be interesting. --

Thursday, July 14, 2005

hard morning, wedding, long day

well, i had that speech i was dreading. and it went more or less as expected. it was difficult, they found it hard to accept. but it was done.

i'd like to think i did it well. and i don't care if there's a bit of resentment residue.

the rest of the day was uneventful. in the evening, the dog and i took the train to caesaria. the train ride sucked, he was trying to show me how i was being too tough on them... and it was very difficult to express to him just how little i care about his opinions of my leadership.

learned a new word: "sagemet". it the name of the first officers' rank, converted to sound like a disease.

the wedding was stunning. weird dancing in uniform, so we didn't, but we enjoyed it nonetheless. especially the groom's speech, it was something special. and it's interesting that there's really no way to translate it into english, it just wouldn't have been meaningful.

we got a ride back to tel aviv, and i crashed at the dog's grandma's place.

we were supposed to take turns sleeping in the office today, but i never got around to my share. most of the day was just reading and being bored. and, to my delight, the guys have begun behaving, although not perfectly, more like soldiers.

oh, and fighting with the doctor because i haven't received treatment for my slipped disc. i hate our clinic.

i left the base for a bit, then returned around 19.15. i don't know how i managed to climb over the gate, the angles i had my body at were all wrong. the dog and i went to the mall, had supper, and then went back to my place. i showered and got ready to go to work, while explaining to him how to take care of my apartment.

i hope it's all okay.

i got to work on time, but they'd locked up and gone out for an hour, so i had a cigarette with some religious dude, discussed the settlement evacuation, and then crashed on the stairs for an hour. we've just gone on duty. i'm completely buggered.

-- that interesting thing i was hoping for is causing me much stress and anxiety. sometimes, tough decisions need to be made, and taking a path that is completely unknown is more than merely daunting --

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

pain and suffering

nothing hurts more than the realization that your job is, while not entirely meaningless, not at all fulfilling. i am deeply dissatisifed.

by the time i got to signing up for my uzzi, i was ecstatic - i DIG guarding! it's such a good break, and very pleasant being stupidly social for hours. due to heavy sunlight, we ended up performing the procedure in the shade on a road, and so i had to stand guard... very amusing.

i totally didn't realize that there was an alert call for 16.45, but the commander was really cool, and let it be. i spent the evening sitting and talking with a really good group of people, getting in a total of one hour's sleep. we ordered thai food, and gorged ourselves, with much to spare... at least i had something to munch on during the shift.

the guy guarding with me did something that annoyed me at the very beginning of the shift, and we got into a rather animated argument about social responsibility. things settled down into a remarkably (see? i'm remarking now) interesting conversation, that lasted the rest of the four hours. i spent the first part simply probing and pushing his buttons, trying to get an idea of his psychological profile - it was most pleasing to watch him respond relatively predictably, and the whole thing was enjoyable. it was a great shift.

i read some of brian greene - the fabric of the cosmos, and crashed for an hour. my alarm went off, and i rolled straight back into slumber. suddenly, i had a strange sense of urgency, and i awoke and looked at my watch: 07.50.

NO!! everyone's gone to the flag-raising ceremony and left me here alone! NOOOOOO!

i jerked upright, and when my eyes adjusted i realized that EVERYONE was fast asleep - so i asked out loud if we weren't meant to go the ceremony. someone mumbled that we didn't have to, because we'd forgotten (!!!) to take the flag down in the first place.

everyone lay back down calmly. i sat there for a few seconds, looked at my watch, and asked "and when are we supposed to go on alert?"
one of the guys, said "07.45", realized what he'd just said, and everyone BOLTED out of bed, scrambling to get out and to the meeting place.

and we all made it just in time. i am SO satisfied with myself.

the day was simply AWEFUL. the (to be continued, must run)

(continued) damn - i just remembered that there's a "save as draft" button...

anyway, we all went on alert, and i spent an hour or so chilling with all sorts of people at the cafeteria. i then tried to get a haircut, and the dude (nice guy, seriously lazy) told me to come back in a week. all i want is a buzz.

the airconditioner in the barracks is busted, and we suffered the entire afternoon. breathing soupy air and burning up in near hot-coal heat.

sucked.

on our way to lunch, i got an sms telling me to check my email - from my boss - when he should KNOW by now that i'm an email addict. then i got a voicemail message from one of the guys who works with us, telling me to call him urgently. between the two of them, i was sure some disaster had occurred, like somone being hospitalized or worse.
instead, it was to inform me that there's a bug in one of the systems.
bastards.

whoever was responsible for the walkie-talkie left it in the barracks, so we weren't allowed to return our weapons. it was left to me to save the day - which was really weird, i think it was because of the incident this morning.

the cute girl who guarded last week was sitting with a guy i'm friendly with, so i sat and joined in an animated (lots of hand motions) discussion about her breasts.
interesting.

i met two ethiopian soldiers on the bus back, paratroopers serving in jenin and hevron, and they made the journey home extremely interesting... it's always fun hearing good stories told well.

did some work when i got home, and found out about the netanya bombing. i don't know how i feel: i'm torn between apathy, hatred, and frustration.

my aunt got in touch with me, we're going to meet up either on friday night for supper, or sunday / monday, when i'm going to see my cousin playing waterpolo :)

i made it just in time (after posting previously) to see war of the worlds, which was an incredible film. absolutely classic. and way more believable that a lot of the trash we've been getting used to.

the dog made a comment after the movie that was army related, and was absolutely shocked when i took it seriously. he and the kid have been fucking me around army-wise for weeks, ever since they found out i was going to be left in charge, and they've been making me look bad to my commanders.

so tomorrow morning, i'm going to have a talk with them that's going to suck for all of us, but i'm not taking any more shit from them. they haven't behaved like soldiers at all, and either they'll start tomorrow, or they'll pay for it. i'm hoping the latter won't have to happen.

but it makes it even worse that the dog and i are friends, because what i have to say will be as far removed from friendly as anything.

on that note - my aggression - i'm going to bed.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

aww - it likes me!

i went to the party last night - not as big as expected. also - a bit sucky. i left when my mood flipped to aggro. i was warmed up from walking home, so i stretched a bit before showering. then i worked a bit (shouldn't sleep straight after exercise), and actually got quite a bit done before crashing... at 2.30.

i missed my alarm this morning, thankfully waking up at 7.20 - got the bus at 7.35. i hate rash wake-ups. hell, that's not true. i still just hate waking up before lunchtime.

i was bombed most of the day, but i did manage to catch an hour's sleep at my desk. what sucked was that it made no difference. event though we have stuff to do, it's so boring it kills me. the most exciting part of the day was cleaning our office and the gutter outside.

great. no disillusionment here. nuh - uh.

did some shopping before coming home, and spent an hour or so working some more. i'm almost done! almost the entire project (my side) is ready for testing! w00t!

i switched back to my personal system, and have spent the last few hours working on getting my dvd burner to work. i finally succeeded. i am SO proud.

i also managed to find a whole lot of stuff on some backup cd's of mine... looks like i'm going to have to update my collection - it's a mess :P

i finally opened my box of books, and began flipping through the oversized calculus one. i'm glad to see i didn't forget EVERYTHING.

i'm guarding tomorrow, so i'm about to hit the shower, then the hay. this is going to be a busy week, regardless. i've also got to make a call to get my last taekwondo tournament's video, schedule a catch-up lesson at work, and finalize the testing arrangements. and learn about kinetic energy.

-- hopefully an interesting thing started today --

Saturday, July 09, 2005

how wasteful. i feel bad.

i lie, too. honest!

we began testing our hospital project at 11am. msn messenger was down, so i convinced the girl (woman?) i'm working with to try using irc. turns out she has a mac. so i found her the link for ircle. we were talking on the phone at the time, and when she found the link, she said "oh, damn, i'm going to have to download and install it... no wait! it's already running on my machine!"

damn you, bill gates. damn you. i am SO jealous of mac users right now.

the first couple of things went smoothly, and then we had problems with the flash xml. i've been trying desperately for weeks (whenever i've had a good moment, of course) to find out how regular asp receives xml that's sent by flash. none of the documentation online is very helpful.

after wasting an hour during testing trying to figure out why it wasn't working, i just thought "screw this", and decided we'd do it the trial and error way. and it turned out to be so -ridiculously- simple. and my side of the app worked first time!

FYI: asp's Request.Form object IS the xml... it's a STRING of xml even... it's ONLY a string of xml... it would have been SO much easier if someone could have bloody well SAID that straight up.

so we finished the first part of the test around 2pm, and will continue during the week - at least now i can continue with the rest of the things, knowing how to do them... the rest of the testing will be for stupid errors. i wish i was protected from those.

i spent the rest of the afternoon playing counterstrike and watching full metal jacket. i can't say it's not an inspiring movie, but being a real soldier (as opposed to a desk jockey) is not my way. i'd love to, but just for kicks.

and this weekend keeps reinforcing my need to get my tattoo done and get re-pierced. so meaningless in the grand scheme of things, yet so important to me. i can't figure that one out.

i did some practice TOEFL exams. i might have to take them at some stage because i got my degree in a country where the national language isn't english. what scares me is that i kept getting 18 or 19 out of 20, when i really should have been getting full marks.

creepy.

i need to start getting into math. i need to get some exercise (i'm smoking whey-hey too much). i need to start finishing the hospital project. i need to get cracking on the projects spot and i came up with. i need to clean my apartment.

and all i can do is play with my new computer's settings so it looks neat. and obsessively searching for a poster of luis royo's on the southern beaches for my room. i don't get whatever it is that motivates me.

easy like friday morning

right-o.

thursday night we went to the balcony, which was cute, but i got frustrated. i'm sick and tired of all talk - no action, and it's not like we don't have any possibilities. i don't like feeling like a helpless, angry teenager. i feel like doing something.

so we left, and ironed out details for a couple of plans we have in mind... the dog forgot his zippo at the club, so we walked all the way back again to pick it up. by the time we got to bed (incl. a way-too-sweet cup of hot chocolate / melted chocolate / touch of coffee), we'd pretty much figured out a bunch of things, and come up with a couple of new ideas.

woke up, had breakfast, and took the bus to my place. i spent a couple of hours working on my hospital project, a couple of hours researching some of the aforementioned ideas, a couple of hours playing counterstrike, and a couple of hours finally watching the entire second half of apocalypse now - redux.

amazing.

bought some fancy chocolates, went off to the dog's gran for supper. great supper, met a whole lot of his family (celebrating his sister's arrival for a holiday), and played a LOT of tekken (actually turned into a group event, with spectators).

afterwards we went out for coffee with his sister, which got me missing my piercings and itching (sic!) for my tattoo. even though i still have reservations, i guess i may as well. and regret it later, like everything else in my life. so why not?

i just got home, and am about to spend some time finding out if his sister is right, and having served in the army will get me accepted into a serious university in the states... MIT or caltech, or columbia - i'm sure they have programmes to get me going. if it turns out possible, and a better alternative to starting out in japan, then i'll just go to japan for a couple of months holiday, and then get started with my research.

also, after quite a bit of storytelling, i've realized that my post-hoc journal is missing all the stories of my first years in this country. maybe i should get going with that.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

damn good guarding - damn good day

yesterday morning sucked rather a lot, especially as my two soldiers spent the day giving me grief. including the dog, coming excessively late.
bastard.

but everything turned smashing the second i went off to guard. i love guard duty - no reason to think, no point in worrying about the real world. all good.

i sat with the mongoose when he got first shift, and spent 20 minutes talking to the gorgeous, sweet girl who guarded with him. on my way to bed i ran into some friends, and ended up getting merely an hour's sleep before we were woken for an "event". and then it was back to bed.

my shift was cool - i sat with a religious guy and discussed heritage and appropriate jewish behaviour for three hours. and then spent the last hour fighting over the settlements.
whatever.

the flag-raising ceremony was cool, sleeping until lunch was even cooler. and i slept so well. spent an hour over lunch with the dog and some friends, and then went back to bed until it was time to return weapons and flak jackets.

they managed to waste our time, and i was already late for a meeting at my helpdesk job. the girl in the quarter-master's store managed to waste even more time when i returned my sleeping bag. of course. because i was in a hurry.

i got to the meeting halfway through, but it was good that i made it at all. i cleared my mail, spent some time talking to sammy (who's leaving for holland to show the 'rents his wife's belly), and spoke to my mom for a while.

i find it unbelievable that our education systems are so inept. kids really need to understand that being educated is a good thing, and that they can take charge of their education by reading and researching on their own. unfortunately, school systems tend to force the children to rely on them for their knowledge, which is a big load of crap.

very, very, very boring crap.

i went through to herzeliya, visited her grandparents, and went with them to her place, where we sat and talked for a bit, before i got a ride to the bus. got home, picked up some clothes, and arrived at the dog's gran's place, for an awesome shower.

no definite plans for tonight, but definitely going to try to do something.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

all ready for bed... awwww.... i wanna robot death monkey too!

just watched a lot of zim, played some good counterstrike, and off to bed... guarding tomorrow...

last night we finally finished the site. the customer told us today it's not what he wanted, which makes me think of him as a giant doody-head. he couldn't have given us any ideas in the beginning? he couldn't have NOT okay'ed the design BEFORE we began converting it into a site?

bastard.

i managed to leave the keys to my office in the office door this morning - i'm very lucky my commander didn't court-marshal me. that was scary.

we spent most of the day going to and coming back from a brit milah, in one of the settlements. dammit - being there and seeing how pointless it all is just makes me angrier with them than before.

people - are - stupid.

Monday, July 04, 2005

anxious? me too!

i got about 4 hours of sleep this morning (dammit - counterstrike's a problem for me), gurgled out of bed, and managed somehow to get to the base on time.

had an iffy day - lunch pissed me right off (the delivery dude took over an hour, and i had other things to do), i had lots of work, most of it crap, and gave up on quitting smoking.

i started learning some bits and bobs of windows api, i have a Cunning Plan That Shall Not Be Spoken Of In Detail (CPTSNBSOID). yes.

basically, trying to upload the damn website again, and i've managed to set a date for one of my projects... this weekend. so i'm all in the clear, just not feeling it right now.

satisfied, human, and nicely buzzed before bed

pure satisfaction - i just got back from a cool evening, eating seafood at a really nice place with some good company. after an hour or so of playing pool, after a long day in charge.

last night i walked to the lizard, talked a bit, picked up my stuff that i'd left at the mongoose's, and walked home. rose early this morning, as usual, and spent almost the whole day in the office, doing five different things at once and generally doing alright. being the commander does make things more interesting. for one, i do care a little more.
it shouldn't make any difference, but hey - i don't make the rules. i just make the rules :P just kidding, it's not very different from the usual :)

i feel SO good after the restaurant. i spoke to my mom for half an hour, with about two minutes discomfort when i walked past what i instinctively am certain was a dead body, with a few people dealing with it (i'm guessing run over). now going to shave, shower, and go to bed.

i got tons of work waiting for me - i'll get it tomorrow night :P

Saturday, July 02, 2005

cs day

i don't have a clue how many hours i've been playing counterstrike, and it was a german server, so i got my ass handed to me. but it was FUN!

the enemy's gate is DOWN

good grief. i'm rather disorientated, having just played about 20 minutes of half-life, and about half an hour of american mcgee's alice. both sooooo pretty, but alice is the bomb.

work on thursday night was difficult. i was totalled, and was extremely fortunate that i only got one call the entire night - by 5am i had no idea where or who i was. completely exhausted.

i got to the dog's place, where i managed to get him to wake up less than a minute before arriving - that was lucky - and we crashed until 12.30. had breakfast, then the mongoose picked me up and we went to his place for a huge lunch.

we spent the afternoon setting up the website we've been working so hard on, and the hosting site sucks, so we returned it to it's previous state and informed the customer. napped for a bit, then he gave me a ride to herzeliya, to a friend's birthday party.

nice party. awesome girls. great music. it was a'ight. around 1am the mongoose picked me up, and we went with some friends to eat burritos and pizza in tel aviv, and from there i came home and crashed. until about 11am.

i finished ender's shadow - almost as good as ender's game, and have been gaming since.

ooh - logging in to steam!! w00t!