on natural smells

wow - with tracks like claw vs psychosis - psychodynamics in the background, i can almost smell the grassy dancefloor, see tall tree silhouettes waving and sense hundreds of bodies jamming... i love listening to psychedelik.com's dark psy trance ^_^

i just made myself happy with my guitar for an hour or so, and while i was showering i got a message saying i can get up late tomorrow ("late"... 6.30am :P)... time for some shuteye.

still sleepin'

peanut butter and marmite - they don't have to be on the same slices to be a good combination. the tough bit is deciding which to eat last :P [marmite]

i'm still tired. i didn't feel properly awake at any time today. my back aches and i haven't any energy.
that made today the ideal day for having my final argument with central command. i probably shouldn't have screamed out "WE NEED TO DESTROY THEM!" when the call ended in deepest frustration.

i sense early onset winter: i came home too late to play frisbee, and a couple of weeks ago i would still have had time. depressing. at least tomorrow should happen - my taekwondo instructor's in korea this week so we can shift training around (if we manage to organize it at all).

i need to organize a 4th ed. DM and players' handbook for d&d (or shadowrun, i'd prefer); i'm not prepared to buy unless we begin playing consistently...

amusing thought for the day: a martial arts tournament. one of the fighters goes down. his opponent doesn't go to his corner. [reference: wikipedia]

their was no shuttle this morning. officially. unofficially, we drove to the last stop before the base, and all got out to take a bus the rest of the way.
i kid you not.

i was supposed to attend a security briefing (how to avoid terrorism when travelling internationally), but the people in charge couldn't figure out what to do with someone who hasn't applied yet*, so i was treated to the shortened version while holding the line.

* one must have tickets in order to attend the briefing. one cannot buy tickets which conflict with any information gleaned in the briefing.

the end of the day was taken up by a 2.5 hour analysis of everything we did wrong during a big project a year or two ago. i sent a note to the kinder explaining to him that he dropped the lead (most productive in the meeting) the second he stopped picking his nose.

towards the end, the unit commander began to speak. it was the final summation, so we couldn't get up to go to the bathroom... guess what happened... [no accidents, fortunately, but it felt like one was closing in]

i just did some shopping, and my good deed for the year (buying the crazy insult-lady a coke), and in a bit our caretaker should be back. gotta sort out the fees. yay.

stunning photo concept: patched slices on a timeline

huh - just looked at a facebook photo of a girl that was "suggested" to me by someone i serve with. either they think i'm desperate, or that i have really bad taste. i don't think i need to call her.

we apologize

i'm experiencing technical difficulties waking up: d.batistatos - hoover actually makes it more difficult to get out of bed :P

that was a really relaxed weekend - i'm quite satisfied :)

calm before the 5.30 storm

ice cream at home, after spilling soy sauce all over myself while enjoying a beer and sashimi / nigiri over justina robson - selling out (although i've had to resume reading from the start, i don't remember a damn thing)...

it was good that i conceded to the desire to go for sushi, because the gaming night was cancelled. oh, well.

frisbee on the beach could've been better - my partner wasn't entirely on the ball, and the arsim playing beach bats were driving me crazy... the sunset was gorgeous, though. and all in all, it was time spent on the beach :)

greasemonkey

covered in wd-40, grease and flecks of rust; i would be more upset about my bearings being filthy if joe cocker hadn't been accompanying my cleaning day.

hmm - i just sent an sms to a girl i've never met on a friend of hers' suggestion... i never learn :P

dinky pink white-striped crash helmet

and i have an issue with guys wearing pink shirts...

i was a goner last night - tired, and probably dehydrated but with too much alcohol in me to notice. and the whole family was around, it was pretty crazy.

i managed to catch myself ten years ago: one of my cousins' boyfriend just went through a very similar experience to my own in 1996, when i realized that religious observance was not for me. at least, that was *my* response to having fanaticism thrown in my face. i suggested a few books that might give him some perspective and we had a very interesting talk.

he had his own suggestion to make: that i consider the idea of working a ski-shop seriously, and maybe even become a snowboard instructor.

i made a mistake repeatedly: everyone kept asking me how i am. and i told them. that's not very wise when you're still reeling from unpleasantness. the interesting thing for me was seeing who identifies, and who thinks i need to learn to be happy with less.

i caught up a bit of sleep this morning; and i've *just* sent through an almost-final version of the c++ project (i don't have the energy to figure out why my deconstruction isn't working). so this morning can be characterized by friend functions, strange copy-paste errors in gedit (unrelated code had clipboard text inserted randomly), and understanding that math.h cannot help me with infinity.

and rss feeds:
bizzaro's attachment issue

PETA abuses women

i think i want a defeat awkwardness shirt

cedar forest players take on the godfather

i know the feeling - dilbert eerily defines my work environment. i never really found it funny until i moved to my new unit.

time of eve looks pretty - very pretty.

a sweet wireless electricity demo

a super supergroup start to my saturday: thanks k-twang!

currently playing: radio trip

own little world

little snapshots of a preferred reality

i've had too much to drink (or just enough), in twenty minutes i need to leave to meet my cousins for the evening.

that's the reason i left the party - and it was just starting to warm up. it amazes me that whenever it's good, i have somewhere else to be :(

the shuttle and walk back were zoned out by good trance... i'm still out there...

social interactions

just reading peter berger and anton zijderveld - in praise of doubt, which led me on a trail of thoughts (starting with "cognitive contamination")...

i believe that innocence is sacrosanct. that extends to social relations and communication - it bothers me that i can't just meet a really great girl, be intimate with her, and then decide that i'm not interested.

it is for that reason that i'm not upset by what happened with spinnit - yes, i'm disappointed, but that's life. my point is, i respect other people changing their minds and so expect others to respect me changing mine.

see, i don't *know* how i feel about someone until we've gotten to that intimate point, but because i'm so concerned about "leading someone on" i'm overly-cautious about getting there.

i think the remedy is to care less, but it's become so natural that i think i'd respect myself less for it.

mental stretch

primarily because after last night's training, everything's a little too tender for doing it physically :)

the buffalos performance was great - although i arrived there a bit down because of my lack of company, i ran into one of my favourite lecturers. it's been five years, so we had a bit to talk about. that only problem i had with the evening was towards the end, when i began fading... i was absolutely bombed.

i walked home, which is a generally pleasant exercise but was done for the sake of letting the rum wear off... because it was hot, and i don't care, i took my shirt off. i'm hoping that i didn't look like a complete idiot - my walk's been affected since monday's physiotherapy; either way, i found the cute girl blowing me a kiss from her car to be fairly amusing :P

---
i have another year of hating every morning ahead of me. waking up early, stressing to get to the stop on time and then waiting for my ride in the heat or cold for up to half an hour... or waking up super early, stressing to get to the stop on time and then squeezing into the bumpy, smelly shuttle. fantastic.

there were no shuttles this last week, and my ride didn't confirm that he was going to pick me up until i was already on the bus to the central station, having lost hope. i stopped at cafe hillel in azrieli for breakfast, and by the time i got back to the pick-up point the coffee had cooled enough to drink.

d&d potential: it appears we have it. wtf?! we're going to try to get a game together within the next couple of weeks, and if that works out i will be extremely impressed. i sent an invitation to our section, referring to vin diesel to see who's in, and the kinder took offense and we got into an attitude argument.

basically, i've given up on our section and am not prepared to run after people to organize things. i'm not going to spend time convincing people to do things that although when eventually we get around to it they enjoy, keep repeating that same irritating behaviour the next time.
if there's no initial enthusiasm, then nothing's going to happen. the kinder was trying to convince me that people in general, not just in our section, don't like to participate and that my previous unit culture is an extreme exception.

i spoke to ru55 on the phone, and was on speaker with him and his wife (wi55)... whose shock concerning my being in touch with her cousin freaked me out for a while after the call. i was worried that it was because she disapproves.

work-wise:
i've been finding all sorts of excuses for wiki fun. i think i'm addicted :)
the big news:
the only real work done in the first part of the year was a huge project that we've been desperately needing, that's been tied down by a bureaucratic process since completion. after over six months waiting, to hear my efforts beeping happily from over the cubicle divider brought a huge smile to my face ^_^

i managed to score a quick ride home, so i had time to get to ra'anana for training! i napped very well on the bus, the energy drink had me ready to go when i walked in... which was good, because i wasn't given any time for warming up. i had a couple of good fights - and energy to include some jumping attacks that proved rather effective - and i had a lot of fun while accumulating whole sets of bumps and bruises.

we finished off with a highly disciplined display of forms, which i'm glad nystire got to see so early on. this is his third session, and i'm really glad he's getting into it!

i had a fortuitous meeting with ru55 and wi55 on my way home, so i could give them the sticks to fix their wedding gift. i'm so glad they appreciated it! i stopped in at ze sushi to talk to my training buddy for a few seconds, then rushed home to shower, and bought a sandwich on the way to a friend's girlfriend's birthday party on the marina hotel's roof.

what a bummer - it's her birthday party, but this week she's leaving for ten months and he's not going with...

ru55 and wi55 finally came over to my place for coffee (orange juice) and cookies! i'm a bit embarrassed that my place is such a mess at the moment, but i'm really happy that they've finally seen it :)

last thought before hitting the bed: my body's feeling solid from training, my fingers feel good from the guitar.
i'm not spending as much time with it as i'd like, but i'm definitely improving.

---
i'm so proud of myself! i actually stayed in bed for a couple of hours after i initially opened my eyes. now - i have things to do.

yet another peeve

it really offends me when i ask "how are you" as a greeting, only to have it thrown back in my face.

and when i ask the second time? still no response. this is a (i think new) norm that assigns even the pretence of care or consideration to a dying branch of the manners tree.

do people do this everywhere? i don't know why someone would actively isolate himself more,

annoyingly alone

the pub visit is unofficially cancelled, seeing as nobody's been in touch with me. i also have this unhappy feeling that i'll be going to see the buffalos album release show by myself.

smaller

i thought it was going to be a big day, but a lot of it was mere grinding and some of it was a lot of fun. i've caught the wiki-bug, apparently. document, link, delete. repeat if necessary. and to make it all good, i achieved my primary goal with a few minutes left on the clock. and i convinced another team to take on a project that i'd like to see done.

my TL and i are *not* vibing. we're being very amiable, but almost every sentence brings confusion. and the girl in our team was having a special day, which got on my nerves towards the end of it.

luckily i found a swift ride back to tel aviv, and the slow walk from the entrance to my apartment brought me back to life :)

midnight stout and milky black

i haven't eaten an israeli milky (מילקי) in years, and they have them in dark chocolate now ^_^

i'm still hot and sore from a very serious rollerblading mission: there were a lot of people, it was totally insane. the vanguard bicycle with the seriously loud trance was an absolute must, especially going through steep tunnels at high speed!

the best part of the evening was arranging a gaming night on saturday: either we break out the world of warcraft cards if nobody else arrives, or we munchkin. if we can somehow formalize the night, maybe even role-playing? i shouldn't get my hopes up.

waking up in the morning might be rough, and tomorrow is a *big* day; yet i don't care. tonight was awesome.

the heat! the disgusting heat!

the uniform most certainly accentuates it - ick.

i'm glad i decided to take a little longer and drop off my trousers for dry-cleaning: i would have been on the bus when i discovered that i'd forgotten my dog-tags. switching uniform in the middle of the week is never a good idea.

the mongoose called - he's single and has just bought an apartment. i guess that means he's trying to be like me :P

something reminded me of the guy in the ra'anana taekwondo group who drives me nuts. he's a bottom-feeding mouth-breather, and that last part being literal coupled with his glassy-eyed stare and complete disconnection from the world around him really puts me on edge. especially when it's because of him and his attitude that some poor girl's been going through surgery after surgery on her knees :(

i slept and dreamed on the bus to the base... so well, in fact, that it was through the grace of some nice woman that i was woken up when we arrived. how embarrassing! walking to the mess hall felt like walking into a strong, greasy soup current fully-clothed.

i've been making an effort to sit straight and work my back muscles... it's not comfortable.

my TL and i fought a lot today, mostly because he kept saying completely unnecessary things (like telling me to do what i was already doing, only in such a way that i had to stop to figure out what he wanted from me). i can't believe that i'm going to be stuck under his idiot command for the next Very Long Time.

things improved after home-time: i had hours to catch up and a lift home. i'd almost forgotten how much fun working evenings can be! the atmosphere is always more relaxed.

---
how do i feel?
like i'm serving six solitary for the heinous love-crime of idealism, in a big house where the highly prized special form of idiot is warden and the accepted disciplinary methods are ruthless torture meted out wantonly.
"i am not a number! i'm a person!" - and just like the prisoner, they're trying to convince me that it's a grand place to be.

my new favourite calvin & hobbes

phenomenal! james jarvis - onwards

permit woes

the good news for the morning:
my shipment containing the 25th anniversary edition of the last starfighter, the coraline graphic novel, and the 500 hats of bartholomew cubbins arrived!

the not so good news:
it was awkward finding someone helpful at the permit offices. the man i did find gave me a few numbers, and i went to coffeeholic to breakfast while ringing them up.

#1) leaving for ten days. passed me #2
#2) not answering
#3) asked me two questions, and explained to me that there's no way in hell to arrange a permit to fix my situation. apparently, it's not possible that my patio is less than 1.5m from the edge of our grounds.

at least breakfast was good. now i've got to put on my uniform again :S [i'm going to be feeling this for another while, apparently]

not so bad

me and my body are doing alright this morning, strangely enough.

a) i'm wondering about how much anxiety my army experience as a whole has caused me, and although i don't believe it's near to being enough of a problem that it requires medication*, i'm sure it's fairly significant

b) the physiotherapist suggested that my back problems could all be due to a lack of care - my back muscles are weak. this can easily be attributed to not sitting properly, but in particular it makes sense to me that my need to raise my knees whenever i'm in public transport is both a symptom and a cause.

c) i'm growing a massive to-do list at the moment. hmmph.

* reminder: a discussion on the beach on sunday concerning the kinds of drugs regular people consume; prescription drugs that contain all the good stuff but under different guises. requiem for a dream sort of thing.

full stops, but not with rum

chronological and sparse (guess who's had too much to drink):

. finished the c++ project, all working well. now due a code clean-up, just tidying and tweaking.

. it's always hard to wake up early. the bus switching went fairly smoothly, though.

. base breakfast: two piping-hot eggs. until the last minute, when someone brought in bread and the spread made up for the earlier disappointment (and slightly scorched fingertips).

. 4-5 hours fighting with the lawyers' office. primarily concerning the fact that the army was supposed to pay the bill for may's hypochondria. i couldn't send a fax because their fax number isn't valid ("but we receive tens of thousands a day!" she shouts at me. silly cow.), but i eventually discovered that the army denied authorization over a month ago.

and didn't inform me. the woman in charge of the clinic told me that they didn't need to let me know, in spite of them always saying "don't worry, we'll take care of it". she told me that after she explained that they probably tried to call me and couldn't get in touch.

...

so i had to foot the bill.

. i spoke to the city council concerning engineers - "you didn't speak to any professionals, then. but i'm forbidden to help you find one."

she did make a concession, though, and in the morning i'm going fishing for engineers at their watering hole.

. lunch sucked. and some girl pushed her plate through in what was destined to be my hand's path out of the food frenzy :(

. i got about an hour of actual work done, achieving a solid and exciting milestone ^_^

. i got a ride to tel aviv, affording me the luxury of changing before physiotherapy.

. physiotherapy had me snoring. i learned an exercise, received an excellent massage and was left on the bed, face-down with a warm blanket over me in the cool air-conditioning. there's no sleep quite like it, and i feel the urge again to acquire a massage bed.

. i walked home, then hopped a bus to training in ra'anana. training was good - too good, in fact. my body's broken. and i redeveloped problem i had a couple of weeks ago with my spinning kick :/

. i showered and went to chill at ta2's alternative line. nystire's sister arrived, and was all over me. she sms'ed to apologize, but made me explain to her that she's too different from me to interest me. do i have energy for this shit? i need a drinking buddy!

. i met someone from varsity days on the way home, my present state turning an awkward hello into an amusing conversation.

. i'm dead, but i had to post. i quote from the message i just sent ";":
i'm angry about not passing, but i'll get over it - i'll just have to continue to be unhappy until my contract is over, and make the most of the good life that i have outside. [i think i'm going to reload my ipod with slightly more aggressive/depressive music than has been on it until now, it's usually very reflective and it's been maintaining a sense of hope in recent months]

on the plus side, it's a year to get more familiar with the material and to focus on taekwondo and my (so far) pitiful attempts with the arts, so i can't exactly spend *all* of it feeling sorry for myself :)

and of course... going out drinking on weekdays. that was an *excellent* idea!

summary; tragedy; remedy

summary: a full 36 hours

shopping fail: i bought a few shirts, none of which were appropriate for smart occasions. SxS donated a shirt to my cause, and two of the ones i bought are good for semi-casual wear... but i am going to have to go back and exchange the others.

second breakfast: i had a great coffeeholic breakfast, and then an "anti-ageing" smoothie with ze germans a brisk walk away. very nice.

poster transport: the poster was not designed for transportation. getting it to ze germans was a bit of a mission; getting it to their car way more so. the drive with it was extremely uncomfortable, so much so that grootbek had to sit in the back - and he's big. once at ze germans' place, i managed to fix it up all right, but then it had to go to ra'anana and i lost a piece on the way :(

pre-sabbath swimming: excellent. i spent time with some friends whom we never spend time with, and their little daughter's antics keep bringing a smile to my face. they're an ideal family unit, and it's really, really nice to spend time with them :)

friday night with SxS's fam: a pleasure as usual. it's quite traditional, actually. i was originally intending to go to the synagogue for ru55's "bridegroom's sabbath" (שבת חתן), but i didn't want to mess with the dinner arrangements :P

after dinner and a short nap, SxS's cousin and i visited the couple and their friends.
a) they really appreciated the poster
b) the bride's friends are awesome, especially her cousin. they're all literature majors and are as full of weird as they are friendly. things progessed intangibly with the cousin (semi-colon, or ";").

after a short sleep, SxS and i made our way to the synagogue for the morning service. it was south african traditional, with lots of choir moments. i was reminded of my days (once upon a time) as a choir boy, and then suffered moments feeling like al pacino stirring the holy water. i had a potential target, too: the guy in charge of the zionist fed's housing (who made my life miserable in 2006).

for the first time in ten years (since we both immigrated), i ran into someone who used to be a really close friend for many years. it was nice to see him, although it did throw me a bit :P

SxS and i took a half hour break, then returned to the synagogue for lunch. the bride's mum was really worried because she could see that something was happening between me and ";" - turns out she's not jewish.
erm... big deal.

a coffee misunderstanding and a long conversation with SxS's mother tipped our afternoon plans out the window, and they were fairly complex plans :/

i drove ru55 and ";" to the cliffs of apologna. her mom called me when we arrived, and i felt really bad because she was supposed to come to my place for coffee to see my apartment and i'd forgotten to tell her i wasn't in the right city :S

goodbye: ";" and i have really hit it off, which is not a good thing because she had to leave the country a few hours later. *sigh*

swimming with ze germans was a perfect end to a very serious sabbath. afterwards, SxS and i met yogi for shuwarma, and then picked up mmf for a rooftop barbecue in honour of the newlyweds. it was a very nice evening (minus an ipod incident that bothered me more than it probably should have), and i was completely exhausted by the time i got home.

i woke up early this morning, and walked to the bank to order a new visa. visa tagging is a problem when you're in the military, and instead of taking five minutes to figure out what i want printed on the card it took more than twenty, by which stage i was going to be late for the polygraph. i blame being in a hurry for taking the wrong sequence of buses - i was completely on autopilot and headed for the wrong place.

i'm very glad i registered at a stop that was next to a taxi rank. it was an expensive correction, but a correction nonetheless.

---

tragedy: catch twenty-truth
i'm praying to all the gods - PLEASE HELP ME GET THROUGH THIS. i simply cannot pass a polygraph examination. i'm the perfect false positive, because that's what happens when you get excited over questions regardless of whether you're being honest or not.

if these guys want to see me in tears, they're doing a good job. i can't bow out of the process without it being seen as an admission of guilt, and i'm not guilty. i can't pass the polygraph, because it bears no relation to lie detection.

so guess who's not getting ready for university this year. and who's not getting ready for a solid vacation.

this is getting more and more distressing every time. the worst part?
"if you are lying, you're very convincing". thanks. but i have to pass in order to prove that i'm not a liar.

remedy: frisbee

a long chat with my mother (and her advice), excellent frisbee (and managing to not get my ipod wet), alcohol (the guy walking about with vodka and arak and a tank of iced-lemonade on his back), cookies (the claim was "the best in tel aviv", but they're pretty good nonetheless), and walking slowly back along the water's edge.

no afterparty...

... but i escorted the bride's cousin to ra'anana and she's extremely pleasant company :)

after milling about the town a bit, i crashed at SxS's. i woke up this morning, had a cup of coffee and an interesting debate with his father (it's becoming a tradition, but they're arguments and not fights so we're all good), and just took a bus back home. now i have to shop, breakfast, and get the wedding gift back over there.

SxS's father gave me the most fascinating and lucid editorial to read:
tainted to the core (part 1)
tainted to the core (part 2)

the tango

that was a *beautiful* wedding! traditional and elegant, packed with good friends and good vibes, the food was great and in spite of drinking excessively i'm still clear-headed and happy ^_^

being responsible for the bus there was a bit uncomfortable - some of the guys were late and then the driver began touring the city while traffic was beginning to spike... but we made it in time for me to finally meet ru55's parents and take a breath :)

now we're off to ze german's for ze afterparty...