babysitting

 it was difficult getting out of bed this morning. i made it even harder by moving to the couch and covering myself with five soft blankets (we just bought another two a couple of days ago).

i seem to recall it not being the smoothest back-to-school morning, but i don't actually recall anything particularly troublesome either, so 🤷

i accompanied gd to the dentist, where there was a weird mix-up about her appointment time (it's not clear if they messed up, or if she misheard), and the secretary was being unpleasantly and aggressively defensive while i was trying to figure out what happened, and gd assures me that she's seen this same woman drive other patients mad so i guess i shouldn't take it personally...

apparently gd's situation isn't too worrying, but the dentist who examined her needed to have his finger put on the place she's worried about before he could recognize that there was anything at all, so...

we took a walk past the doggy cafe, and were both surprised to hear my name being yelled by my cousin - who's just arrived from the states with my aunt - flying past on a scooter! it's a tiny country :P

i picked up a coffee, and we continued on to her gastro scope. we arrived early, concerned that gd drinking sips of water when it's supposed to be a water fast might be a problem :/

we waited quite a while, and i spent the time working on one of my side projects. then we went through, and i hung around while gd waited for quite a while (on a less comfortable chair) until they came to get her, and sent me back outside. i waited a while (not too long) and read dev articles, then they called me in and we waited for quite a while until a doctor came to tell us they hadn't really found anything interesting.

it's information, i guess.

gd was pretty messed up after the anaesthetic, but okay, and overall her experience was considerably improved from the nightmare scope she endured in montreal at the hands of a couple of evilly cruel doctors and nurses who barely sedated her and... i guess that's her story to tell.

we came home, i ate breakfast, barely finishing before jumping onto a zoom presentation about using AI to handle entire task lifecycles. after a pretty boring hour, not only was i left unconvinced that one should do that, but i was pretty convinced that the presenter's company (which he's running, essentially) is burning through huge quantities of human capital and energy capital and that the value-for-money isn't as high as they probably think it is.

but i was reminded to reactivate my sonarqube plugin for vscode, which gave me some fun chores to do this evening.

mr smear came home, and sat down to his homework for the first time since before the holidays. it didn't go well (i later discovered he's been skipping exercises again, which blows my mind because it took us months to catch up last time and it was a big deal for both of us).

meanwhile, i napped under all the blankets until i needed to go to my dermatologist appointment. i didn't feel like going, it was cold and i was tired. but i went. the dermatologist did a full examination (and used the sun damage on my ankles to quiz his intern), and i guess the thing that was bothering me a few months ago when i made the appointment must have gone away 🤷

i walked home, chatting with my aunt and then my mom, the latter discussing apartment hunting and the fact that we should get started already.

i stopped at the bakery on the way home to chat and pick up more-expensive-than-i-expected yummo's bars, then came home to take care of mr smear's toenails and shower, and deal with his non-compliance, and have dinner, and then read another chapter of the ocean at the end of the lane.

i'd forgotten about the bathroom scene. i apologized to mr smear, to his five year old self, and to all his selves since. i don't know what i was thinking at the time, but that definitely wasn't appropriate.

...

after reporting that back to gd, i told her what i've been thinking about a lot today: things are really hard for her, and i know that i can't fully understand what she's going through, and i know that i get upset with some of her behaviors that aren't her fault, and that that's not fair. at the same time, though, i don't feel like i ever really get a break, and my life seems like a never-ending gauntlet, and i guess i need to accept that as my base-line.

all either of us can really do is just do the best we can to keep putting one foot in front of the other. i'm not sure what normal people go through, but whatever it is, i'm pretty sure we're not normal and that this isn't it.