phasing

 jesus, it's past 2am and i've spent hours lying in bed, too exhausted to do the things i need to do but unable to stop my mind from racing around a track filled with anxieties about where we are and where we're going and imagining random aspects of reconnecting once we (hopefully) (eventually) get there.

this week has been a mess for me, for two reasons. the first, that covid is the gift that keeps on giving and i've been forced to treat the ongoing sinus infection that started when the main symptoms ended and always seemed to be on the verge of getting better. the treatment - prednisone again, in an attempt to avoid antibiotics - has been effective regarding the sinuses, but has (as it does) completely messed me up. i've been wired and tired and for days, now, under the gun on my personal project, i've been forced to go to bed early but not really sleep.

the second, in two parts:

1. that at work (my paid gig) i've been trapped in an endless code review cycle because a *small* change that i started at the beginning of the week opened a can of worms, and between the conflicting opinions of my coworkers, massively time-consuming tests and annoying shortcomings of shell scripts and python i only managed to close the damn thing yesterday afternoon.

2. that after breaking the back of the changes for my personal project, and setting a delivery date to (today, as in less than twelve hours' time), i subsequently discovered more sharp react edges and my personal time has been consumed by a long slog of steady improvements, each costing much more than expected. and with the meds, instead of working until late at night and then getting some rest i've been restless at night and dragging myself out of bed at 6am each morning to be able to get *some* time in.

so here i am, trying to drop some of my mind-spinning experience into a post before maybe doing a little work before hopefully going back to bed and actually managing to sleep.