high and mighty

so... i laughed, i almost cried, i finally went back to bed around 4.30am, having finally completed the work i began on monday and feeling pretty good about it. but not about myself, because i was feeling totally wired and just ever-so-slightly hallucinating.

around 6.30am i looked online and learned that combining sudafed and caffeine is a thing. "i won't be doing that again," i told myself, "not after this one last time just before my early morning interviews."

let me tell you, i was WIRED. i don't think it helped my mental acuity much, i felt a bit slower than usual and words i needed kept drifting through my brain and fluttering off again, but overall the interviews felt good and considering the fact that they're planning on contacting my references tomorrow i'm pretty confident that i did alright.

it's funny and a bit sad that a friend at a big global company was the instigator of all this - me realizing that i need to get myself an office job in order to save my sleep / sanity - and that company has been dragging their feet so i might not even make it to the first screening i have with them on monday. i feel bad for my friend because their team needs someone like me, but if the company i sat with today makes me an offer i don't think i'm going to turn them down.

...

i walked home, ate lunch, cleaned up my code and proudly pushed it, juggled emails and invoicing and a bunch of other things, then dropped for a nap which was mostly pretty good. for a nap. mr smear and his nanny came home around 4.30, i showed him pictures of cyclops (greek, including the dude from oh, brother, where art thou) which led on to lego x-men and havok, then slowly made my exhausted way to my mom's coffee shop for a chai and a chat, did a massive grocery shopping, came home to eat dinner and watch half of the princess bride, put mr smear to bed*, got caught up temporarily in william goldman's introduction to the 30th anniversary edition of the princess bride book which i plan on reading to mr smear once we've seen the movie, then got sidelined sorting out something for gd with her ipad and am now, finally, about to go to bed.

* ever since he was really little, i've been putting him to bed with a blessing / statement of family values to him in a little hebrew rhyme i came up with. tonight, for the first time, he tried to say it along with me, and words cannot express how pleased / proud / heart-warmed i am. and that's after a day that began (for him, at least) with us chilling on his bed listening to jefferson airplane and the doors while he figured out what he wanted to do with his morning**.

** oh, that's right, it actually began with his whining "i want granny!" repeatedly until i tried to record it for my mom, at which point he stopped whining and then managed to hurt himself trying to pick his nose.

...

i think i deserve a little bit of a rest.