analyze this

it's freaking me out that i still haven't been paid, and i need to borrow money to make rent and i'm not even sure it can be transferred in time.

---

i was definitely sick on thursday and friday, more than allergies and sleep deprivation could explain.

friday 28th:

working from the waterfront while gd handled a playdate, swimming (mr smear freezing afterwards, removing his only protection from the wind then walking really slowly), a pleasant temple experience in the evening and a very serious learning experience when mr smear found himself trapped in the net of the jungle gym, great great indian curry dinner with mom, early bedtime

saturday 29th:

starting my day with half a cup of coffee and heavy grocery shopping, gd taking mr smear to a playdate while i walked the city with our neighbour for a few hours, becoming quite convinced by the end of it that he's fully paranoid delusional / schizophrenic / whatever today's psychobuzzwords are. the poor dude's been really messed with, and not in the way he thinks, to the point where he pulled rubble out of his mouth to prove his story to me and i felt my own sense of reality destabilizing... i don't think he's dangerous, but he's definitely in need of some guidance and i really, really hope that i can be a positive influence. jesus fuck, this dude is smart, lucid when he's lucid, physically solid and good looking, and a mess - it's really hard to reconcile that shit as an outsider.

going to my mom's, mr smear waking up from a five-minute nap on contact with her bed,  some time with my nieces and great-nephew before helping my mom with her furniture, then returning home for dinner, toy story (gd's not happy that it's not canadian french like it says, but it's still french and mr smear's still following along happily), and an early night

sunday 30th:

a midnight wake-up for a wet bed, then waking up in the morning to another one

resuming toy story, pancakes, a long drive to a play-date that was great fun for everyone and went on far longer than expected (the mom had made delicious vegan cake, but none of us had considered actual lunch), mr smear passing out close to home and taking a long nap, me watching a fair amount of batman: mask of the phantom

a lazy afternoon of hunter x hunter (it's awesome watching difficult stuff and having real conversations about death and danger, he's not freaking out and he seems to be following the narrative) and toy story 2, a pleasant but very late bedtime for mr smear, then working on the podcast until

monday 31st:

now, around 2am, not including an important viewing of the first episode of the original thundercats series to verify that my purchase was worthwhile and hunting for the 2011 reboot

almost useless

still coughing, but slightly better in the sinus department. tired. a bit confused - or unfocused. i managed to get some good work done this morning, finally posting the code i've been working on and *pretty* satisfied that it's production ready.

---

then the plumbers arrived, and i couldn't get into anything while they were around. and they were around a long time. i sent the following letter to our landlady:

We've finally managed to get plumbers in to sort out the mixer, there was a problem with the nut used to secure it and it was so badly rusted they needed a hacksaw to get it out; there's no reinstalling it.  I will send you the photos of the newly installed mixer and the invoices a bit later.

Additionally, we asked them to investigate regulating the water temperature (changing bathtub mixers previously didn't improve that), which has forced us to waste an enormous amount of water over the course of the past few months.

While solving that problem, they discovered that the thermostat on the geyser has been broken, and so it hasn't been shutting off when the water's heated which might explain our very high electricity bills. The T&P safety valve was blocked on installation, and between that and the thermostat, it is not only dangerous but has probably done damage to the geyser itself. And as if that's not enough - there's no drip tray installed, so any leak would damage the wardrobe and all the things we're storing there.

It must also be noted that whoever installed the geyser did so really badly, and didn't leave any room for maintenance so replacing the thermostat became a whole story. When your handyman was here however many months ago and needed to look at the geyser, he had to force the covering board that they'd used to seal the geyser in, which is a very strange design decision; I think whoever installed it must have thought that nobody would ever need to access it again and any maintenance - like replacing a thermostat, or the element - now requires draining the entire geyser, pulling it out to do the work, then replacing it. This has been expensive and time consuming, and I suggest that you seriously consider having the geyser re-installed by professionals.

I will present you with today's bill and a quote for a proper fix once I've consulted with the plumber.  Having these kinds of problems, unnecessary expenses and potential losses is not conducive to reasonable enjoyment of the premises.

to which she most elegantly responded:

You leased the flat as per what was offered and as per what was signed for .

All the changes that you keep insisting to do just causes more problems

We spoke of mixers that you wanted to replace at your own cost nothing about plumbing issues that seemed to have arisen as a result of all your changes
The fact that you requested your plumber to investigate will now be for your account as I never gave permission for this .

this idiot is claiming that we are responsible in some way for the poor and unsafe installation of the geyser. either that, or that an undiscovered and serious set of problems with said geyser didn't exist as long as we didn't investigate.

it boggles the mind.

---

taking mr smear to the pool, though the weather wasn't perfect and he didn't want to come in with me. he did enjoy goofing around in the garden and we learned an important lesson about not giving up when we fail (catching little parachute man)

our neighbour bumped into us on our way back inside, and he was in dire need of an ear to hear and some good advice. i hope the latter helped, he seems like a good guy but he's deeply troubled and we don't know if he's dangerous or not (to himself or others). i hope i manage to catch him for a cup of coffee sometime.

kubo and the two strings is WONDERFUL. mr smear was lying between my legs on the couch and he fell asleep during the credits, we had a weird experience trying to wake him up just enough to pee before going to bed when he was fast asleep and i had to keep his head propped up while he was on the bowl... eventually gd managed to wake him enough to get the job done and then he passed straight back out again.

since pushing my work this morning, i've done almost nothing of value (okay, not true exactly, but nothing work related). i'm distracted, and my wife and mother both think i need to go back to working in an office. i'm hesitant, but i'm honestly not sure i disagree with them.

biting the hand that feeds

christmas:

a lot more morning telly than i'd like, new friends coming over for lunch,  me monopolizing the conversation (although it seemed to be appreciated, i'm confused)

finalizing and posting a new page!

another early night in the hopes of getting up early

boxing day:

another morning failing to get up early, still suffering sinus and chest issues

a grumpy, stressful morning trying to get work done and snapping at anyone that interfered (i'm embarrassed), a lovely afternoon with hido and fam (and dirk diggler), coming home in time for dinner, going shopping but everything was closed, watching coco again, showering mr smear and then his new thing of not wanting to get off the toilet when he's done turning into a tantrum and we finally got him into bed around 10pm but not before having to hose him down because he fought us trying to clean him up...

oh, the joys of parenting.

working really hard and making good progress until

today:

about 20 minutes ago, now heading off to bed.

"family"

it makes me sad that people i care about feel that it's okay to make fun of us, directly or indirectly, about our life choices. that they're so deeply entrenched in their beliefs that they feel threatened by our refusal to participate in something that we know is wrong, and will find any angle they can to try and pick apart a case that decades of well-researched evidence has put together.

a long time ago we learned some very important facts, or "uncomfortable truths", and we choose to do what's right for ourselves and our child. it would be nice if we didn't have to be on the receiving end of disrespect and passive-aggressive "teasing", or have people joking about us behind our backs. this is bullying, plain and simple.

it's a difficult call to make, whether to tolerate such unpleasantness or to isolate ourselves from people we otherwise love spending time with.

most people are ready to cater for all sorts of strange things, whether it's extreme interpretations of kashrut, or pretending that santa's coming down south african chimneys, but somehow find that a refusal to eat animals crosses a line and doesn't deserve even the pretense of accommodation or understanding.

any advice or suggestions on how to navigate this would be greatly appreciated.

merry christmas!

and to celebrate, our three-and-a-half-year-old hide-and-seek champion of 2018 had us all running around in circles and saw my brother-in-law get his hands really dirty-deep into the garbage, because he decided that hiding our car / house keys would be a fun thing to do. he even pretended to help us look for them!

i started today early, but not early enough to get everything done before meeting time; it was fine, though, and although it was a bit of a stressed morning i completed an important chunk of work by lunchtime before we headed to my sister's for christmas-eve lunch (is that a thing?)

the only real irritant of the day was that the handyman - for the second time - didn't pitch and didn't bother to get in touch to let me know:
professionalism: it's not just about doing the job well, and doing it on time. it's also about communicating properly with your clients. if you can't make an appointment, or you can't meet your deadline, and you don't let your client know in advance, it doesn't matter why you couldn't.

why is it so hard to find professionals these days? is there so much work going around that nobody needs the money anymore? i'm beginning to suspect that working as a handyman is far more lucrative than what i've been doing.

i must admit that i felt a wave of bitterness on arrival, not only is it unpleasant that nobody can be bothered to cater for the vegans and that even the basic things that should be safe for mr smear (who's deathly allergic to dairy) need to be checked again and again, but a couple of cousins were straight-up making fun of vegans and the sheer audacity of wilful ignorance is particularly frustrating when it comes from people you care about.

mr smear passed out just before we arrived but woke up on contact with the bed, and it took a long time (presumably when he hid my keys) before he was ready to come out and play. eventually i convinced him to get into the pool, though, with the help of my great-nephew's infectious water enthusiasm, and mr smear had so much fun that after however long - and we were in a long time - i had to drag him out fighting because he was shivering with cold.

the ride home was lovely, a beautiful sunset (at least, it was with my rose-tinted glasses) and the whole family screaming along to foo fighters hits, a peaceful evening and gd turning a potential online fight over identity politics into a really positive human reconnection.

i've spent some time trying to find an alternative to patreon - it seems subscribestar.com is the only real option - then posting this while deliberating over whether to crash early and wake early or try to make some more progress tonight. i'll probably crash.

the sudafed helped me with my sinuses all day, but wore off soon after getting mr smear to sleep (gd read to him about steve irwin and stephen hawking, it was really fun watching his eyebrows rise in wonder just before he dozed off).. still struggling...

anyway, all in all, it was a magic day. merry christmas!

the weekend

yesterday:

easy morning
walking to the vegan market, expensive but delicious
a proper nap
beyond meat burger sharing
mom visit
the princess bride and you can say no
hunter x hunter tension
fantastic swimming experience, lots of joy and laughter
friends coming over, curry club, buying coco and not regretting it
late but easy bedtime for mr smear, taking our friends home through crazy traffic
bloons, caffeine, chocolate

today:

still sinus-y

getting into bed around 3.30am after recording the latest podcast episode, waking up straight into wrong mr smear's bum, struggling to function while or friend's kids screeched incessantly, finally posting the podcast before taking forever to get moving, visiting my mom and shopping, then a desperate nap, then some swim time (great water, not-so-great wind) and a really cool few minutes just chilling in the deck chairs with mr smear

adventure time, shower time, tantrum time, starting a batman movie, then doing various things until midnight

still sinus-y

some days things work

for the last week i've been working on a new project for my employer, and i realize now that in addition to the horrific sleep deprivation, i was struggling to get into it because, quite frankly, i've been demoralized for a very, very long time. like, years. i develop software for a living, and 99% of the tools i use just suck. over the last few days, things are progressing in a healthy way, and i'm way more excited about this than i think i should be!

to add to this, sailor and i finally switched computers yesterday, and while there were a few little hiccups the process was by and large smooth and apple's migration mechanisms really did work as advertised. i'm working on a different computer, with slightly worse hardware, and the experience overall is pretty much the same.

i... am... impressed.

yesterday:

school holidays, no nanny and gd at the chiropractor? museum time, with an awesome interactive globe that mr smear was certain was going to fall on me. then home for lunch, then working and meeting with sailor, then the temple, then a really nice dinner at sailor's mom's.

during a deep conversation about parenting, i recited role models... forgetting that i was talking to people who know my mother and knew my father, it was interesting to receive a response of genuine concern.

this morning so far:

an actual good night's sleep in spite of unpleasant sinusitis.

burned

i'm TIRED. but i'm having a much better time working on the new project, it's actually kinda fun.

this morning i opened up facebook and saw a whole bunch of pictures from my 20 year high school reunion, to which i was not invited. i have to admit, that really stings. it's not that i care about those people - i generally dislike most of them - but that i was excluded from a once-in-a-decade event by people who i suffered over twelve long years of my life with? jeez... that's harsh, dude.

wednesday:

starting my day with a few hours of verifying that i don't rely on twilio for 2nd factor authentication - i received an email in the middle of the night informing me that my numbers haven't necessarily been reachable SINCE 2016 AND NOBODY THOUGHT TO INFORM ME. cheers, twilio, it looks like i'll be migrating away as soon as i get a chance.

so that messed up my day. i finally got started coding my new project, and was pleasantly surprised to discover that aside from a documentation detail that took me a little while to figure out, express-es6-rest-api is surprisingly solid. it's been a long time since i've worked with a boilerplate project that actually made sense.

gd needed a ride to her sewing class, but it was delayed so mr smear and i rode around in circles and by the time the three of us got home he was already tired and sleepy.

i vaguely recall joining gd for a little bit of the new mowgli movie which is fantastic, but mostly i was online "doing stuff" (which may or may not have included working)

yesterday:

i got a LOT more sleep than i thought, but still struggled to wake up.

a morning overwhelmed by the patreon debacle, which i only learned about because i finally regained access to my account and went onto the unofficial patreon subreddit to thank them for the advice and support

taking mr smear into the pool for a quick dip, then taking gd to the gym, meeting a new friend (who might be a good connection) and getting practically no work done because  our whole table was engaged in interesting conversations, including gd once she was done working out.

i've been struggling with a sinus / throat thing since the late afternoon.

i sat for a long chat with sailor before we tried (and failed) to switch macbooks, i helped him pack up his desk and drove him home, saw one of my favourite trance pizza people walk a block from his house wearing nothing but a bath towel, returned home for dinner, watched charlie brown with mr smear, bought the first season of spongebob squarepants for him, showered him quickly (he was super tired) and put him to bed and passed out playing the adventure time game and then eventually got up to work

and learn that sailor's NOT leaving the country for good because he'd unwittingly locked himself into his rental contract

today:

damn, it's 2.30am already. i think i need to go to bed.

saffer santa

this "white christmas" in sunny south africa has been getting under my skin of late. not only is christmas in the middle east generally not white, but more of a desert theme, over here focusing on beach sand would be a lot more appropriate. and if you think santa's climbing down your chimney - what chimney?! how the heck is he getting through your burglar bars and trellidoors and electric fences?! how much is he bribing your security guards?! - if you think santa's climbing down your chimney in 30-degrees-celsius weather wearing snow gear while the reindeers try to fend of hijackers (do *they* wear balaclavas in summer?), you must be mad! not only that, can santa's sleigh operate in cape town's heavy winds? i can't imagine that him riding through a proper thunder-and-african-rain-storm would be good for those gifts...

... i wanted to post an image of a south african santa, but it's definitely not for everyone so if you're feeling brave just run a google image search for "santa mankini" and you'll get my drift.

remembering friday

i've just remembered what happened on friday, and why i subconsciously was probably trying to forget it. i took mr smear to a playdate in camps bay, gd wasn't able to come with and that threw out my plans to get a little work done while the kids and moms entertained themselves. around lunchtime we left, i didn't have food for mr smear and i badly needed to get to work...

... so of course, something had to go wrong with the car. a sound like grinding steel screeched from the left side of the vehicle and i pulled over on a searing hot afternoon to get advice and organize a towing in an area with little to no cellular reception. when it became clear that it would take too long for someone to reach us, i organized an uber and took mr smear home, had a quick bite to eat, then ubered back to the car to meet the tow service.

the noises continued as i drove the car up the back of the truck, but of course stopped at some point along the drive to the mechanic's. they spent a good hour or two investigating thoroughly, determined that everything was just fine and sent me home.

and by then it was friday evening, so i took mr smear to the synagogue for a pleasant service, then came home for dinner, and that was friday.

have i mentioned the fact that i HATE having to own a car? we desperately need better public transport over here.

a very, VERY weekend

i'm buggered. i've just uploaded the new podcast episode that was supposed to be up on the weekend, mostly because i've just now started recovering from the weekend.

friday:

[wtf happened to friday?] friday's over here.


saturday:

an enjoyable but short visit to the oranjezicht market to be stood up by friends whose kid passed out on the way there, a frustrating continuation at the waterfront

[afternoon missing]

driving through to hido's mom's place, heading off the the unity reunion, some great conversations and an enjoyable night of great tunes and re-meeting old buddies

sunday:

partying hard - and feeling old - until the club shut down around 3.30-4am, riding home with hido, a quick reset and driving home with difficulty (i was so tired i was having trouble focusing my eyes, so the whole ride home was a battle and i was perpetually on the verge of pulling over on the highway to rest). finally getting home, showering and passing out

a not-much-recovery day. gd managing a fair chunk of the morning, my mom coming over to babysit in the afternoon so i could go to the gym and get some work done, working a bit but then being recalled to open a jar (which ended up not being an issue), a quick visit to the pool before shower, dinner 'n bedtime

monday:

working hard from early in the morning and then discovering that the meeting was cancelled, enjoying a short pool session and realizing for the first time that i couldn't get tattooed while my son's on summer vacation (i spoke to the artist yesterday morning, he was really great about it)

leaving mr smear with my mom and driving out to wellington to a beautiful, enjoyable wedding in spite of the heavy heat (how did we survive the "hora"?), good food and an inspiring conversation about charity and education before we left

a worrying moment *just* before reaching the big gas station, but everything appearing to be alright.

arriving home just as mr smear was falling asleep, 

yesterday:

up until 2.30am struggling with various support agents, trying to regain access to my patreon account. what a freaking nightmare

a relaxed morning

actually making proper work progress

dropping mr smear off with our friends' babysitter, working from my mom's coffee shop while gd shopped, coming home and crashing for a couple of hours, heading back to pick up mr smear and chat a bit, returning home, showering mr smear and continuing the developing bad habit of playing the adventure time game, mr smear's pre-bed meltdown that turned into a learning opportunity, my relief tempered by his whispering "i want to break the world" when i recited my usual blessing that includes, in hebrew, "fix the world"...

more bloon-killing, then finally getting into the new podcast episode and really enjoying the analysis

today (wednesday morning 2.45am):

patreon support finally got back to me! let's see if they help. it looks like my youtube post will be ready in five minutes and i'm WAY overdue getting back to bed.

tools of oppression

gd was just insulted on social media by a bunch of ignorant kids, and i thought i'd share my response here:

---

wow, you guys aren't just ignorant and illiterate, but really insulting and rude. and the fact that finds your responses amusing is very telling.

let me break it down for you virtue signallers.

1. your sexual orientation and identity is your business, your right, 100%. it's cool that those rights are being protected over religious rights, about time.

2. justin trudeau's so far demonstrated that he's more interested in making buddies with canadian muslims than with protecting those gay rights you feel are so important. to the point where canada's letting that particular religion run free in spite of canada's wonderful-in-theory laws. you're cool with gay rights on paper, does that make you cool with trudeau letting honour killings and homophobic aggression continue within that one particular community? he'll listen to them before he cares about lgbtq++!#$%. ari was pointing out why it's not a good idea to get excited about him, he's a trendy new face on old politics.

3. we live in a society that's badly damaged, and instead of trying to heal the damage we're just pushing as hard as we can on the other side of the see-saw to an opposite kind of oppression.

4. identity politics is a big part of this, when you start playing that game you're literally doing precisely what gay rights was initially fighting against, which is labelling and treating minority communities differently. we should all be respectful towards one another, regardless of sexual orientation or identity, regardless of minority status. encode THAT into law. you want to fix shit, fix it. you're lgbtq+ whatever? whatever works for you.

5. your gender identity and sexual orientation do not define you. you're bigger than that. you're your culture, your values, infinitely more than those two simple, should-be-irrelevant axes. they're only relevant as tools of oppression, so instead of pandering to those who would oppress you, leave the labels and fight for human rights for everyone.

6. you might hold all the power over your little feed, flame wars and fighting soft targets like people who actually try to have a conversation with you, but in the big picture you're little people with little impact. hurling accusations? check yourself, little people. let's see you talk like this face to face. don't name-and-shame allies because you're angry with the people who really oppress you but don't have the power to deal with them directly.

rewriting history

it's been bothering me for a little while that there're a lot of posts i haven't redacted that are still linked to by my pages - so if you've ever read my post entitled "summary: the vegan hypocrisy", i've just updated it because i was very, very wrong.

quitting smoking the smart way

[this is actually a repost from june 2010]

the easy way? crap. or at least, for myself and most of the people i know: crap. we don't care about the fear, and we most certainly don't care about the health issues. how do i know this? because we wouldn't have started otherwise.

here we go with the basics: nicotine increases serotonin secretion, so when you're a smoker who's not smoking, you're less happy. or not happy at all.
what tends to happen is that a smoker will witness something that he would have enjoyed otherwise, and to compensate has a cigarette.

this way, the cigarettes become event based. first cup of coffee? cigarette. finishing a great meal? cigarette. beautiful sunset? cigarette. sex? cigarette. even those events that produce serotonin without the use of nicotine are improved by it, so experiencing the same without feels less... satisfying.

additionally, we don't actually enjoy smoking. what we enjoy is the immediate rush.

to make matters worse, the more-than-casual smoker has developed something really insidious: the internal loop that counts down to the next cigarette. whatever you're doing, you're simultaneously thinking of the next smoke break. the good news is that you take breaks - something non-smokers need a better excuse to do, and that's healthy both mentally and physically. the bad news is that when you do eventually manage to stop smoking (an aggravating procedure that only takes about two weeks*) you have a loop that keeps counting down to... nothing.

you can't stop that countdown, so you've got to re-purpose it. i can't tell you how to do that: every person has his own way. sports, art, whatever - just don't turn to food as an answer. exercise will give you the buzz; i'm guessing almost anything interesting / challenging will do.

so that's all the rationale for "the fisher king method":

step 1. pay attention to how little your body appreciates each and every cigarette. no, that's not the taste of meat and potatoes. your lungs do not appreciate the intrusion.

step 2. make sure that you have a support system in place for when you actually quit. make a mantra of "i'm irritated because i'm quitting", because you'll find yourself horrifically aware of everyone else's faults for the two weeks - and the problem is with you. go to the gym, or set up a punching bag in your living room.

step 3. take up a sport - the more extreme the better - or art, or hobby, and go for walks in pretty places. you know - live. and assign your inner loop to whatever you've chosen. hell, if you assign your loop to reading books, you'll suddenly realize that you have tons of time for the classics; the same goes for movies. i hesitate to add cooking to the list, because that could turn into a proxy for replacing smoking with eating.

if any of those steps are a real problem, then just carry on smoking. there's no point in going through life miserable.

* it takes about that much time for your system to realize that there's no external stimulus coming, and that it'll have to take back control of the serotonin release functions.

radio silence

i've been working for my present employer for four months, and for most of those i've been struggling with something that should be pretty damned basic. i've been through countless documents and tutorials and solutions online, the only thing that's worked has only worked when running on a very particular server. nobody's offered me a hand, and on the few occasions that i've posted my code and asked for a review i've received nothing but silence.

so yesterday i asked for another pair of eyes, and this morning i repeated that request - my lead's response was to take over the project and put me on something else. i'm very frustrated that he has time to take over the project, but hasn't been able to spare me a few minutes somewhere along the line to lend me some guidance.

i was excited when i signed on that i'd be working for people with a better understanding of remote cooperation, but i guess i was wrong :/

monday:

chai mitzvah, a fascinating discussion about social laws and inspiring me to see god's evolution along with man through the history of the torah. man is made in god's image, but god is made in man's, and the wrathful, vengeful god from the dawn of humanity appears to develop and mature along with us.

tuesday:

waking up with anxiety because somebody had said something deeply concerning the evening before (trying to enforce certain pronouns), writing (and rewriting) a long letter before being able to return to bed

being with gd for her epidural, arriving late and then waiting for no reason because the receptionist didn't tell us she could go, the doctor making a point of showing me what he was doing and gd feeling a lot of pain (even before he actually made contact) and going into shock

taking mr smear with me to the temple's agm

we're in the car, looking for a parking spot. "did you find a space to live, daddy?"
i was confused, and a little concerned. it took a few repetitions to realize he's confused "lachnot" (to park) with "lichyot" (to live)

wednesday:

waiting at my mom's for the unprofessionals to arrive, showing them how bad the job they'd done was and then showing them the door

mr smear's last day at school, he was pretty chilled about it and of course wouldn't say goodbye to any of his teachers, all of whom were particularly emotional because the school's shutting.

mr smear's second swimming lesson, complete disinterest and responding "no" to everything until i found the right motivation: i told him that paddling is what aquaman does, and he's now really good at it...

coffee with my mom, then home to shower and eat and sleep

today:

around 2am waking up with really bad rls, gd helping me with a painful leg massage

waking up really early to get a couple of extremely frustrating work hours in, effectively crashing when mr smear woke up but gd was out of it so i had to manage him myself until after the nanny arrived. i gulped down some coffee for the disappointing meeting i mentioned at the beginning of this post, then drove through to sea point to meet the president of our congregation for a long and interesting conversation about ideology, judaism, and things we can and should do for the benefit of the community at large. i then drove through to town to pick up the mixer that i ordered a few weeks ago which only arrived today, arranged for the handyman to come and install it soon and realized a bit later that we're not supposed to be doing any work in the apartments for the next month (i'll claim it's an emergency, which it kinda is). i then met with sailor for lunch and coffee and strategy for a couple of hours, then stopped by the mall for grocery shopping and to test a new patent screw length (worked perfectly), then came home and lay down for a bit.

massage tool + pressure point = rls relief (albeit temporary), but later mr smear had an "accident" in the shower (fortunately he jumped out of the bath bucket before it dropped) and i properly put my back out cleaning up... (although i think it's recovered a bit since then)

now i've got a whole bunch of shit to do, and zero motivation to do almost anything. i need a freakin' break.

...

i feel like crap.

a weekend with no end in sight

i refuse to work on the sabbath, unless it's work that inspires me. my sonnetcomix project inspires me, so i dedicate my "downtime" to it when i'm not actively running around after mr smear or playing games with him (video games and books are primarily daddy's domain). but this weekend's efforts were hard, i've made a whole bunch of teespring mugs only to delete them because the two people i trust most were disapproving of the results.

and then yesterday, while putting together notes for my podcast (see header above for links), i discovered that there's another important chunk of background material that one needs in order to fully "get" the sonnets, so that's gonna be a thing.

...

friday:

a long, rough day trying to wrap my head around weird promievent behaviour

mr smear slept through the temple service on friday evening, but woke up for dinner.

saturday:

how did we end up going to the waterfront mall on a saturday? i was pleased to see that there's a graphic novel adaptation of the odyssey available, but mr smear's a bit young for that kind of visual violence so we went with a spongebob comic which he's now very possessive about. faraway birthday parties and gd at a friend's bachelorette. candlelighting and early bedtimes for me and mr smear, at least.

yesterday:

mr smear's learned the title sequence to he-man / masters of the universe, but...

a great plant lunch, sailor coming over for a visit and then a big and enjoyable family evening at my aunt's in memory of my grandfather. and then a very long night sorting out the latest podcast episode

today:

an early morning, achieving success before rushing to the gym and joining the weekly meeting a few minutes late, a long coffee with a gym friend discussing cryptonomics, a good workout and then... work.

birthdays and busies

let's go backwards?

the past few days have been rough, i've been exhausted and worn out no matter how much sleep i've gotten and it's been really hard to get much work done. i have had some success, work-wise, but not as much as i'd like.

this morning so far:

lots more house music reminiscing than working

yesterday:

a sudafed and a caffeinated chocolate before starting this post

unpleasant post-social-media-fail tension, mr smear falling asleep between gd reading to us and me grabbing the next book, hannukah candle lighting with a friend and her kid, the frenemies either getting along great or fighting

rushing to pick up emergency groceries before load shedding, which was cancelled

tough debugging at my mom's coffee shop

our neighbour locking himself out of his apartment without his phone

picking up mr smear late because i'd been so into publishing my work

a solid morning of work after doing some campaigning

dropping off mr smear with gd and telling the teacher how we met

a couple of hours trying and failing to wake up early to work

wednesday 5th:

drinking a strong cup of coffee before working but crashing anyway.

an enjoyable drink (and dinner) with dystopia and schpat

the most important thing was mr smear's first swimming lesson in a couple of years, after falling in the pool a few weeks ago he was terrified but i managed to negotiate him into the water, and after a lot of cautiously trying to get him to have fun he finally relaxed and by the time we were done he didn't want to leave - the relief was immense

a play-date at our house with the kids doing their thing while we talked and i got practically no work done

a decent gym session before work and hitting the punching bag for the first time in ages, getting no work done because i spent the morning discussing blockchain strategies with a friend and dealing with (and stressing about) medical insurance for gd's next epidural (turned out the timing was really lucky AND the GAP insurance proved helpful)

tuesday 4th:

the sadness learning that the arthur's road synagogue burned down

tuesday morning lost to a neurologist visit with gd and then waiting at mojo market for literally no reason and having to rush home to let the cleaning lady in

monday 3rd:

waking up early to the party still going until the rain started, but finally finishing the podcast episodes

monday / tuesday integrating and being really happy with my coworker's changes

sunday 2nd:

night partying

feeling the sunburn while running around the company gardens with mr smear

taking mr smear to see my great aunt and her daughter and granddaughter and walk along the beachfront, remembering to put sunscreen on mr smear but not on myself

saturday 1st december:

beyond meat burger at the vegan market,

friday 30th november:

running to get to the jolly roger on time, missing it, trying to work while gd shopped, rushing to return to the jolly roger and hitting heavy lunchtime traffic, missing the boat but getting a short ride after a quick bite and a refund

a big family dinner that was generally fun, my disappointment in my niece sleep-training her son, upsetting a camps bay homeowner with politics and later thinking about a solution that would've worked for both of us