am apple cider a day

mr smear is screaming. not in pain, nor unhappiness, he's screaming out of the joy of discovering that he can, it's a normal phase and the internets have been less than helpful in getting him to stop. he finds particular entertainment in screaming long and hard at the end of showertime, when the echo makes it considerably worse. and i think he's enjoying my reactions which is becoming more pronounced as my ears endure more pain.

it is the third day. oh, gods, it's only the third day.

...

sunday 22nd:

working until 2.30am, then starting the day wrong after leaving late to see gd's osteopath
an afternoon recovering from a psychologically / emotionally devastating morning
getting my phone back in the same condition or worse - definitely $100 well spent :/ - and after confounding the apple store experts but walking away with a suspicion of what might have been done to the appleid
big shopping, exhausted smoothie slurping and showering mr smear
another looong goodnight
tropic thunder ftw
under the dome and hard rls

reading comments from parents who medicate their kids to fit into a system they don't believe in but don't see any other way.

parents make mistakes. mistakes are okay, we do the best we can. most people are misinformed, that's just the nature of the world we live in. you can't possibly know what you don't know.
but if you do know that something is bad for your children, and you do it anyway, that's not a mistake. that's a choice. and if you're told that you're doing something wrong, and you don't investigate - even if just to prove to yourself that you're right - that's a choice. and your children are going to pay for those choices. and that's not okay.

monday 23rd:

a long, restless night and a hard wakeup, getting mr smear to eat breakfast in spite of the hurry, using preschool time to work and listen to some great psytrance, picking him up, quick shopping, bringing him home in time for a nap; lunch and a bit of a rest before he got up, a trying afternoon, a message from my other sister throwing me off completely, finally sorting out the borrowed iphone while gd saw the chiropractor, my mom joining me and mr smear for the evening walk right after i upset him by not sharing my french fries, bedtime prep and sailor coming over for dinner (call-a-pizza salads ftw!) and philosophy

tuesday 24th:

mr smear having a rough night, getting a good chunk of work done but going to bed late sometime after 4am...

... at which point mr smear went from crying out occasionally to full scale nobody-sleeps mode, getting up with the massive headache one would reasonably expect

a quick school drop off, unable to rest so working instead, a smooth pickup and straight to canal walk to meet my mom and shop for mr smear, back home to shower him (another unfortunate poop incident but it definitely could've been worse) and play until gd returned from the physio, working some more, then taking gd to kung fu; too chilly for the park, managing to keep mr smear (mostly) quiet while waiting for his mother, home and putting him to bed and relaxing with a cider before the meeting

wednesday 25th:

some good hours of work after a (theoretically) positive meeting, lots of crazy dreams and waking tired (as usual, i guess), dropping off mr smear and napping well and enjoying spicy leftovers before picking him up again.

thai spice is a flavourless burn. when you add it to bland rice all you get is angry bland rice.‬

from school to nap (disappointing the cleaning lady), ffix (a redo, making progress way faster than before and sure i missed something), a very unhappy boy waking up with a big cough (is it another school bug?) but it seemed to relax after a couple of meds

seeing a really nice apartment, stopping at primi piatti and discovering their kiddie playground - mr smear's first jumping castle experience. good parents, shitty parents. good food, and mostly keeping my discomfort over mr smear being given animal products to myself.

...

my ears aren't ringing, it's my brain that's ringing. breathe, drink, breathe, it'll be okay.