1mm below the surface

wednesday 27th july:

great bag work at the gym, lots of elliptical
mom visit, exhausted mr smear, everyone going to sleep and running out of internet

going to bed early

thursday 28th:

waking up in the middle of the night stressing over not working and irritated feet

discipline and chores conflict

the gym: why don't my fighting shorts fit?! and why didn't i tighten my running shoes before running? otherwise it was a pretty good session.

home, putting mr smear down for his nap, bathing him when he woke up, a big dinner watching some lock, stock and two smoking barrels, explaining to vegans why vegan cat food needs to be animal tested

finally getting a handle on the mechanism of the project i've been working on

friday 29th:

learning that mercury levels in south african fish are more than twice as high as the maximum safety level, and that the effects on cognitive function are dramatic and immediate as well as long term

waking up from an amazing dream about getting my citizenship status sorted out and realizing it wasn't real

a solidly damaged right arm, whether nervous or muscular

physio, swimsuit shopping fail rage, frustrated plans and lack of communication, a quick mom visit and getting mr smear into bed and chatting with the mongoose and call-a-pizza and the rest of lock, stock and two smoking barrels and scripting router reboots with imacros

saturday 30th:

four hours of getting shit done
four hours of sleep
waking up on the wrong side of the bed

switching cars and meeting yet another man who married a canadian and came back

mr smear needing an emergency clean and getting his first proper shower (as opposed to me holding him under the water a little) - way easier than bathing him!

coffee and spar mission taking way longer than planned and the latter being a rather unpleasant experience

*trigger warning* being extremely satisfied with myself for catching every drop of vomit in my cupped hand when he repeated his earlier choking performance

explosive afternoon and the neighbour's overwhelming sulfur stench, strolling mr smear past my mom's and along the dusk promenade

a tough time getting mr smear to sleep

sunday 31st:

mom not answering her phone
the constantia mission
exclusive books shock and re-inspiration
coffee, nursery fun with mr smear
fantastic lunch
emergency napping
mr smear's second shower
working until thoroughly out of internet

monday 1st august:

waking up early and finally getting the job done (not polished, but done) before going to bed and not sleeping until mr smear had decided he'd had enough rest

dentist surprise, not the same tooth
don't tell me our previous landlord hasn't been in for more than ten days

getting things done until chiropractor (and book store) time, running into the acupuncturist whose girlfriend is a "nutritionist" who does shady things to enable people who don't want or know how to eat well

the gym, starting to seriously lose my cool with our previous landlord and his cronies

mr smear going to bed early after a shower we both needed, composing a threatening email with my mum, coming home to a very quiet household

working until midnight

tuesday 2nd:

mr smear turning into a little rocket after twelve hours of sleep

when my wife is in trouble, *i* have to sleep on the couch. good timing, before a massage.

the massage was painful and literally shocking

...

walking with shadowslight and hcc, sunset photo competitive, business strategy and a visit from my mom and a struggle to get mr smear to bed

wednesday 3rd:

a nightmare morning, finally giving up on a strongly demotivating note
dropping off gd in town, voting with my mom, breakfast while scouting at loaves on long (which is great, but would have been even better had my tooth not been so sore), a walk around the surprisingly closed company gardens, rushing home with a screaming child, tearing my nice trousers in my rush to check on him, rushing back to town to hit a post-accident detour and get lost in a parkade
a crazy afternoon of keeping mr smear occupied while gd got her hair done, changing him twice on a particularly challenging chair

my first kisses from him while he was on my shoulders

the full system shock of hanging around for half of a 9-5 hair job, getting home efficiently and ordering a giant call-a-pizza salad that i couldn't properly enjoy because my tooth hurt so much

bathing mr smear, putting him to bed fairly easily

testing my solution: success!

the end of sphere, the brilliant season finale of preacher

strategizing, then crashing early

thursday 4th:

another early morning, an entertaining hour with mr smear in the dentist's waiting room
newport deli disappointment, good service but less than stellar food
a desperate nap, a busy while running after my son
struggling through rush hour traffic to get to the acupuncturist who didn't have what gd went for (and who was injured to the point of needing to go to the hospital), struggling through rush hour to get to the cape quarter, then coming home to take far too long to go to my cousin's whose father had just passed away

...

stopping in to talk about spiritual atheism
coming home to find gd done with her dreadlocks (so much for a full day during a hectic week for both of us and rather a lot of money)
terrible internet, then mr smear's first REAL tantrum that made us freak out thinking he was sick or injured rather than still hungry after three feeds... so much for valergan...

friday 5th:

slumlord deposit finally returned
waking up early, attempting to say something about cultural appropriation and being sidelined by a #blacklivesmatter nuance
rushing off to the dentist: it's not good news that he's not charging me if the reason is that he suspects i'll be needing a root canal treatment soon

rushing to the post office to pick up gd's new clipper the day after she desperately needed it
stopping at home, then moving on to the physio; i'm apparently "rain man" regarding nutrition :P

pointing out the white female michael jackson at the mall; an excellent lunch at knead, home to feed mr smear, not enough time to do either of the two things we needed to do because gd had an appointment that the doctor didn't respect

a conference call, shower time and feeding mr smear with two spoons and dinner with mom and unnecessary fighting

saturday 6th:

mr smear's first birthday!
methodist church memorial
furniture shopping for my mom
dragonfire reconnections
cousins for a wonderful afternoon/ evening, correcting a misconception about my brother, the freezing cold and a quick spar run

sunday 7th:

rls trauma
waking up dull, a taste of evangelion and hunting a projector, last minute clothing shopping
a 90th birthday party and loads of family, eating my favourite "forbidden fruit" (things gd's allergic to but there wasn't any other food for vegans)

nutrition and gd explaining why advising someone to drink from a straw might encourage unhealthy behaviours
protoplasm's visit, third time discussing conway's game of life in a week and daniel burnstein's new physics model

crashing early, exhausted

monday 8th:

a mostly decent night's sleep, the dermatologist visit, a gym mission, working hard on the wrong thing

tuesday 9th:

another difficult night

mr smear's first step! and taken with his grandmother present, too

brunch with an english cousin at plant, insane women's day traffic to signal hill, the closed crèche at the gym, lone parenting at a traditional kiddies party, arriving home to a stunning sunset feeling completely worn out

showering a one year old (as opposed to bathing) is an absolute pleasure; it's safer, it's physically easier, it uses less water

wednesday 10th:

when the workday begins at 4am
the window guys taking care of the door but not the windows, stressing about metal pieces on the floor; also taking up the whole day
a particularly slappy mr smear
illustrator costs shock
getting through the evening until mr smear fell asleep
the hogfather

thursday 11th:

4am starting again
my arm / shoulder getting much worse (rotator cuff)

google maps and my watch actually getting us to our destination on time! a walk around kenilworth (kenilworthless, more like) and the heavy shit smell of the strip mall

not being able to take my family to lunch in kirstenbosch because we didn't have a squishie because pick 'n pay doesn't stock their shelves

a waterfront mission for another badly stocked pick 'n pay, quick home stop and short crash and using caffeine to get me to the gym to read wired while gd exercised and mr smear got down and dirty in the crèche (why were his feet black?)

heading straight to the chiropractor who did a number on my neck and back and informed me that i'm now wearing a matching rotator cuff injury to gd's
vegan cheese alternatives and baby food and hebrew claws chef (hcc) dropping off a baby hiking carrier and a quick visit from my mom and gd making a great dinner and more the hogfather and SxS coming up with a decent interim solution for my modem resets and

friday 12th:

partially paying back my mom and struggling with my work machine

getting some good sleep, but still feeling tired (time for bloodwork, i guess), a chat with the boss, rushing off to the post office to pick up a solar charger with no instructions and awful UX design
a quick run to buy a telephone, a declined credit card, our physio confused about our appointment
"i have a land rover so i'll drive how i want" - MILLER WP

lunch, nap, shower, showering mr smear

a lovely dinner, leaving the gift at home and receiving a bunch

saturday 13th:

sleeping straight through my alarm for my midnight meeting with the big boss, mr smear waking up soon after finally connecting

sleeping deeply but not nearly enough by many hours, a super sneezy mr smear
heavy rain until we hit the vegan goods market, a small market filled with really great stuff and an old friend making not eggs
a quick drive home followed by waiting for my mom who was waiting for us, an unnecessarily difficult shelf shopping experience followed by an unexpectedly long canal walk visit with a somewhat unhappy mr smear - a national ps3 shortage and online credit card failures
borrowing drills and testing our new projector, thoroughly enjoying the hogfather together

sunday 14th:

rushing to buy a ps3 online
the shame of being angry with a one year old who's not feeling well for refusing to go to sleep and in particular for throwing himself backwards

6am wakeup and of *course* mr smear managed to get hold of the projector and throw it to the ground (roughly)
double-charged playstation frustration
supertongue - what's the word for someone who asks for advice and won't listen to it? oh, yes... an askhole.
breakfast with my uncle; family feud advice, relationship advice, nutrition advice
putting up a shelf according to bad instructions (precariously perched)
wearing myself out drilling into concrete
picking up tools and audio equipment from my mom
visiting my great aunt to give her her gift
last minute remote battery shopping and setting up the apple tv
going to bed super early

monday 15th:

four or five times up for mr smear but mostly sleeping the night away; feeling very conscious of just how worn out i am

why is it that everything that's taken ages to get around to only ends up demanding more time and energy: trying to get refunds for both the definitely NOT 3500 lumens projector and the accidental double payment for the playstation

dentist fun (mr smear with an "m" is still not mr spear)
paying the car rent
the chiropractor

a burned bridge at the gym (we lost a potential landlord R7000 because he did us a favour to get us in)
meeting my uncle reading a newspaper
mr smear needing to be held the entire time he was in the crèche

a big lunch, gd informing me that i'm a glutton (apparently a toasted cheese does not count as "dessert")

an exhausting, busy night, the crèche's too-tight diaper, bad timing in collaborating with SxS

tuesday 16th:

crashing early, completely overwhelmed by exhaustion
another difficult night, an early morning and a day spent taking care of mr smear while everyone else (gd, cleaning lady and handyman) took care of their tasks, becoming increasingly frustrated by the universe's interference with my napping
the physio, shopping, rushing to meet hcc in the park, a pleasant (but chilly) stroll and a gorgeous sunset, rushing over to my mom's with gd's soup and explaining to her why we're unable to keep our heads above water, rushing back to arrive too late and to struggle with an aggressively reluctant one year old to hit the bed

failing to seal the "fixed" door, the new video driver update crashing windows, failing to communicate with my wife, losing my shit and failing at life

wednesday 17th:

working until late for the first time in a while (a few days at least, but it's hard to keep track), mr smear getting through the night better but waking up with a runny nose again

a quiet, tense morning, little sleep but small victories, an amazing (long) lunch shared with mr smear - utopia and violife both make cheeses that all three of us enjoy!

paying for a nap (babysitter), a somewhat pleasant afternoon turned sour, a quick visit from my mom, open hostility, work / trying to get off web hosting that significantly increased its rates

thursday 18th:

making some progress in spite of a broken mouse handicapping me, getting to bed at 4am

early up for the handyman's last day
a big reset, a day of almost exclusively babysitting, the guilty satisfaction of receiving a ps3 when there's a national shortage

too cold for walking, big shopping, showering and dinner (and dinner swatting) and mom visit

friday 19th:

a couple of hours of work, a lot more thinking about it
early up, mr smear has been gaining weight fast and is now really difficult to carry
morning chores