meeting expectations

i did a "check your privilege" checklist the other day and it informed me that i'm not privileged. so that's something, as i guess now i have official authority to talk about privilege. i'll say one thing for now, though - nothing shows me how privileged i am as watching gd yelping in pain when our son starts kicking her in the bladder.

wednesday:

i want to know exactly what to expect when our baby's born, because anything that wasn't explained will not be authorized. so any procedures, possible injections, etc... if we don't know what's happening, someone will pay. no whisking away our child before i've gotten a good look and a recording / photo, either. people are freakin' scary.

pre-evaluation: i'm not doing so hot, apparently. i've gotten nothing but mixed feelings from my managers and i'm anticipated some surprises.

...

our team voted on doing the quarterly lunch at kanda, which is a terrible options for vegans. i was on my way out to the gym instead when one of my managers walked past and said "i'm just going to sit with them, i'm not eating there either". i had the words "leading by example" running through my head, decided i wouldn't leave the team and went back upstairs to drop off my gear. as i walked onto our floor i saw that our tunisian developer was staying behind, and he reminded me that it's ramadan - "oh," i thought, "well if he's not going then sod them."
i made it all the way to the gym before registering that that manager is muslim too, and then i felt really bad because if it's ramadan and he's putting himself through that then i certainly have no excuse. so i rushed back upstairs again to really drop off my gear and get to the restaurant.
my other manager lit up when i arrived and pointed to an empty chair across from him. "go tell <the other manager> that you're joining us, he's paying right now."
so i went over to explain to him that i was joining and that the reason i was joining was that i'd just remembered that it's ramadan and i didn't want him to suffer alone... and he told me that he was only coming to pay, that there was no way he'd be putting himself through that.

the fuck?!

so i told him i'd walk back with him and went to tell my teammates that i was standing by my earlier decision... at which point they informed me that they'd already ordered for me.

...

an afternoon of design, bureaucracy, evaluations, a continued pre-evaluation, and designing until late

awkward gym dude on the metro, i'm pretty sure he's a bit autistic.
small personal project victories

this is *my* house, fly.

thursday:

too comfortable to get out of bed, explaining to my mother why i don't let people post on my facebook wall (nobody understands private messages these days)

an inspirational "why have kids" thread from a friend of mine

taking my neighbour aside

nifty not showing up for illustration hour
israeli resume spellcheck fail
design finalization and leaving with the feeling that our project's on track

jump rope crossovers, sweaty training, too dizzy to continue after half the drills

heavy shopping after training, no appetite and a shit evening

friday:

going to bed late, waking up in the middle of the (morning?) for a stretch and a scribble and then getting up better for breakfast and french and tax stuff

evaluations are trying. nem showed himself to be shit at them and tried to guilt me into agreeing with his (clearly incorrect) method

another embarrassing failure by the same guy as two weeks ago; after putting on my detective's hat and finding the bug through the process of elimination i scored myself both a follower (weak as he may be) and my manager's full support for pushing our devs to begin each task by writing test scripts with our QA guys

a really good run, completed and including a couple of sprints
exchanging distanced pleasantries with godmother

shopping and cooking and creepy neighbour asking for party permission - 11am is not 2am

gd struggling - this pregnancy shit is hardcore. extreme fatigue + painful varicose veins + nausea + karate kid.

yesterday:

waking up to gd in agony, hospital ready-bag shopping and wasp running
tax mission.

it's hard to feel pity for the homeless woman lying half-naked on the floor of the mostly full metro car smoking a cigarette. it's even harder to feel pity for the people politely pretending that everything's okay.

getting to the office door only to find out that they've changed their hours, calling gd and hearing a full-blown fight break out between her and the neighbours because those animals were laughing at the fact that they trashed our other neighbour's garden.

nap, calling my mom and then her and gd ganging up on me (with love, it's cool), horseman coming over for an evening of brainstorming

today:

a night full of dreams of gas and matches and visiting fictional relatives and gangsters
losing our shit over a lost remote control which was under the couch, curating spotify

a chat with our neighbour from downstairs, and after talking to our landlord it looks like the assholes are going to have to leave

good handiwork putting up shelves, going for a sunny walk for too long with a pregnant lady, too much time in the home depot and just a bit more expensive than we'd planned for...

a super-heated summer afternoon
dragging myself to the supermarket to get a watermelon, coming home with the last quarter in stock and sorbet so expired the spoon bounced off it