distractive behaviour

*WHINE WARNING*

i need to vent a moment. it's been almost two months since our holiday to switzerland, but to be fair that was a combination of working holiday (my seminar paper) and family obligation (i wore a suit) more than it was a vacation - not that i didn't enjoy it. i definitely enjoyed it.

but it's been much longer than two months, it's been almost four months since pg and i took a break. and that didn't go so well.

which frames my complaint with an entire academic year, the other end of which was a summer spent working too hard on stuff i absolutely hated and for far too little compensation. in short: i'm mentally exhausted.

and that doesn't mean i don't want to do anything. there's tons of stuff i want to do. but i don't want to do anything i have to do. i wanna write my comic script, i wanna play games, i wanna watch movies until my brain melts, i wanna go to crappy parties (i haven't partied at all since the festival) and drink too much (okay, maybe not drink too much), i want to haunt the city at night and the beach during the day...

... and right now, i have a paper that needs writing* and in the back of my mind i know that the second i complete it i'm going to have a ton of work to wade through, under pressure, because that's what pays the bills and i - perspective time - haven't really been at work for almost three weeks.

* at least it's going well

my brain and my body need an outlet. so i understand why i keep looking at everything but my paper, but i need to focus. and that's hard.