manic buzz

i'm physically abuzz with adrenaline; it's a long-running ecstasy and i haven't yet had an opportunity to meet with my advisor (he wasn't on campus today)... i'm about to introduce him to the man he's been studying for quite a while now.

i keep thinking that it's absurd that nobody's stumbled upon this until now, and if i didn't know that the idea of studying contemporary culture only really began in the early 1900s, i'd think i was going insane. but cognitive contamination is a powerful thing, and all it takes is one presumptuous idiot to make a mistake early on for everyone else to pick up on and carry.

i retract yesterday's comment about his bravery. not that it didn't require bravery of a sort, but he really was compelled to publish his sonnets. and talk of him about town demanded that he dedicate it the way he did.

shit. i'm communing with the dead, here. this is - i feel like i'm living in a movie, as the israeli expression goes.

it was way after 5am that i finally managed to shut down, having spent the intervening time (after my last post) pouring through the first third of the sonnets again just to double, triple, quadruple-check that i hadn't made some phenomenal mistake. but each pass has only reinforced my sense of certainty.

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after two hours in bed, i snoozed my alarm for about half an hour, zombie'd myself out of bed and was almost overtaken by time as i hurried (in slow motion, apparently) to leave the apartment on time. french simple future tense: not so bad. are we ready for an exam? not a damn.

i sped through to see if my advisor was in, and walked off campus with my heart pounding (thank you, fifth floor up the stairs) and my brain reeling. then i magically arrived at work, had time breeze past me there, too (although more productively), and returned to campus for our last lesson on postmodernism.

it was a great class, and began with our professor thanking me for presenting her with in praise of doubt and advising everyone else to read it too. we spent the class munching farewell cookies and summarizing everything we've learned and then it was over.

i really enjoyed that course.

i went past my old office, but it was locked and the alarm was going off so i decided not to get involved. i waited a long while at the bus stop, had a physical brush with a really rude girl (she was in enough of a hurry to storm past me, violently, onto an empty bus. i didn't back down, then felt bad because i'm bigger than her even if she is a total asshole) that annoyed me for most of the ride, then arrived home in time for spicy chinese take-out and...

... i dunno. i need to get some work done, and i'm pretty certain i should get to bed soon.