on natural smells

wow - with tracks like claw vs psychosis - psychodynamics in the background, i can almost smell the grassy dancefloor, see tall tree silhouettes waving and sense hundreds of bodies jamming... i love listening to psychedelik.com's dark psy trance ^_^

i just made myself happy with my guitar for an hour or so, and while i was showering i got a message saying i can get up late tomorrow ("late"... 6.30am :P)... time for some shuteye.

still sleepin'

peanut butter and marmite - they don't have to be on the same slices to be a good combination. the tough bit is deciding which to eat last :P [marmite]

i'm still tired. i didn't feel properly awake at any time today. my back aches and i haven't any energy.
that made today the ideal day for having my final argument with central command. i probably shouldn't have screamed out "WE NEED TO DESTROY THEM!" when the call ended in deepest frustration.

i sense early onset winter: i came home too late to play frisbee, and a couple of weeks ago i would still have had time. depressing. at least tomorrow should happen - my taekwondo instructor's in korea this week so we can shift training around (if we manage to organize it at all).

i need to organize a 4th ed. DM and players' handbook for d&d (or shadowrun, i'd prefer); i'm not prepared to buy unless we begin playing consistently...

amusing thought for the day: a martial arts tournament. one of the fighters goes down. his opponent doesn't go to his corner. [reference: wikipedia]

their was no shuttle this morning. officially. unofficially, we drove to the last stop before the base, and all got out to take a bus the rest of the way.
i kid you not.

i was supposed to attend a security briefing (how to avoid terrorism when travelling internationally), but the people in charge couldn't figure out what to do with someone who hasn't applied yet*, so i was treated to the shortened version while holding the line.

* one must have tickets in order to attend the briefing. one cannot buy tickets which conflict with any information gleaned in the briefing.

the end of the day was taken up by a 2.5 hour analysis of everything we did wrong during a big project a year or two ago. i sent a note to the kinder explaining to him that he dropped the lead (most productive in the meeting) the second he stopped picking his nose.

towards the end, the unit commander began to speak. it was the final summation, so we couldn't get up to go to the bathroom... guess what happened... [no accidents, fortunately, but it felt like one was closing in]

i just did some shopping, and my good deed for the year (buying the crazy insult-lady a coke), and in a bit our caretaker should be back. gotta sort out the fees. yay.

stunning photo concept: patched slices on a timeline

huh - just looked at a facebook photo of a girl that was "suggested" to me by someone i serve with. either they think i'm desperate, or that i have really bad taste. i don't think i need to call her.

we apologize

i'm experiencing technical difficulties waking up: d.batistatos - hoover actually makes it more difficult to get out of bed :P

that was a really relaxed weekend - i'm quite satisfied :)

calm before the 5.30 storm

ice cream at home, after spilling soy sauce all over myself while enjoying a beer and sashimi / nigiri over justina robson - selling out (although i've had to resume reading from the start, i don't remember a damn thing)...

it was good that i conceded to the desire to go for sushi, because the gaming night was cancelled. oh, well.

frisbee on the beach could've been better - my partner wasn't entirely on the ball, and the arsim playing beach bats were driving me crazy... the sunset was gorgeous, though. and all in all, it was time spent on the beach :)

greasemonkey

covered in wd-40, grease and flecks of rust; i would be more upset about my bearings being filthy if joe cocker hadn't been accompanying my cleaning day.

hmm - i just sent an sms to a girl i've never met on a friend of hers' suggestion... i never learn :P

dinky pink white-striped crash helmet

and i have an issue with guys wearing pink shirts...

i was a goner last night - tired, and probably dehydrated but with too much alcohol in me to notice. and the whole family was around, it was pretty crazy.

i managed to catch myself ten years ago: one of my cousins' boyfriend just went through a very similar experience to my own in 1996, when i realized that religious observance was not for me. at least, that was *my* response to having fanaticism thrown in my face. i suggested a few books that might give him some perspective and we had a very interesting talk.

he had his own suggestion to make: that i consider the idea of working a ski-shop seriously, and maybe even become a snowboard instructor.

i made a mistake repeatedly: everyone kept asking me how i am. and i told them. that's not very wise when you're still reeling from unpleasantness. the interesting thing for me was seeing who identifies, and who thinks i need to learn to be happy with less.

i caught up a bit of sleep this morning; and i've *just* sent through an almost-final version of the c++ project (i don't have the energy to figure out why my deconstruction isn't working). so this morning can be characterized by friend functions, strange copy-paste errors in gedit (unrelated code had clipboard text inserted randomly), and understanding that math.h cannot help me with infinity.

and rss feeds:
bizzaro's attachment issue

PETA abuses women

i think i want a defeat awkwardness shirt

cedar forest players take on the godfather

i know the feeling - dilbert eerily defines my work environment. i never really found it funny until i moved to my new unit.

time of eve looks pretty - very pretty.

a sweet wireless electricity demo

a super supergroup start to my saturday: thanks k-twang!

currently playing: radio trip

own little world

little snapshots of a preferred reality

i've had too much to drink (or just enough), in twenty minutes i need to leave to meet my cousins for the evening.

that's the reason i left the party - and it was just starting to warm up. it amazes me that whenever it's good, i have somewhere else to be :(

the shuttle and walk back were zoned out by good trance... i'm still out there...

social interactions

just reading peter berger and anton zijderveld - in praise of doubt, which led me on a trail of thoughts (starting with "cognitive contamination")...

i believe that innocence is sacrosanct. that extends to social relations and communication - it bothers me that i can't just meet a really great girl, be intimate with her, and then decide that i'm not interested.

it is for that reason that i'm not upset by what happened with spinnit - yes, i'm disappointed, but that's life. my point is, i respect other people changing their minds and so expect others to respect me changing mine.

see, i don't *know* how i feel about someone until we've gotten to that intimate point, but because i'm so concerned about "leading someone on" i'm overly-cautious about getting there.

i think the remedy is to care less, but it's become so natural that i think i'd respect myself less for it.

mental stretch

primarily because after last night's training, everything's a little too tender for doing it physically :)

the buffalos performance was great - although i arrived there a bit down because of my lack of company, i ran into one of my favourite lecturers. it's been five years, so we had a bit to talk about. that only problem i had with the evening was towards the end, when i began fading... i was absolutely bombed.

i walked home, which is a generally pleasant exercise but was done for the sake of letting the rum wear off... because it was hot, and i don't care, i took my shirt off. i'm hoping that i didn't look like a complete idiot - my walk's been affected since monday's physiotherapy; either way, i found the cute girl blowing me a kiss from her car to be fairly amusing :P

---
i have another year of hating every morning ahead of me. waking up early, stressing to get to the stop on time and then waiting for my ride in the heat or cold for up to half an hour... or waking up super early, stressing to get to the stop on time and then squeezing into the bumpy, smelly shuttle. fantastic.

there were no shuttles this last week, and my ride didn't confirm that he was going to pick me up until i was already on the bus to the central station, having lost hope. i stopped at cafe hillel in azrieli for breakfast, and by the time i got back to the pick-up point the coffee had cooled enough to drink.

d&d potential: it appears we have it. wtf?! we're going to try to get a game together within the next couple of weeks, and if that works out i will be extremely impressed. i sent an invitation to our section, referring to vin diesel to see who's in, and the kinder took offense and we got into an attitude argument.

basically, i've given up on our section and am not prepared to run after people to organize things. i'm not going to spend time convincing people to do things that although when eventually we get around to it they enjoy, keep repeating that same irritating behaviour the next time.
if there's no initial enthusiasm, then nothing's going to happen. the kinder was trying to convince me that people in general, not just in our section, don't like to participate and that my previous unit culture is an extreme exception.

i spoke to ru55 on the phone, and was on speaker with him and his wife (wi55)... whose shock concerning my being in touch with her cousin freaked me out for a while after the call. i was worried that it was because she disapproves.

work-wise:
i've been finding all sorts of excuses for wiki fun. i think i'm addicted :)
the big news:
the only real work done in the first part of the year was a huge project that we've been desperately needing, that's been tied down by a bureaucratic process since completion. after over six months waiting, to hear my efforts beeping happily from over the cubicle divider brought a huge smile to my face ^_^

i managed to score a quick ride home, so i had time to get to ra'anana for training! i napped very well on the bus, the energy drink had me ready to go when i walked in... which was good, because i wasn't given any time for warming up. i had a couple of good fights - and energy to include some jumping attacks that proved rather effective - and i had a lot of fun while accumulating whole sets of bumps and bruises.

we finished off with a highly disciplined display of forms, which i'm glad nystire got to see so early on. this is his third session, and i'm really glad he's getting into it!

i had a fortuitous meeting with ru55 and wi55 on my way home, so i could give them the sticks to fix their wedding gift. i'm so glad they appreciated it! i stopped in at ze sushi to talk to my training buddy for a few seconds, then rushed home to shower, and bought a sandwich on the way to a friend's girlfriend's birthday party on the marina hotel's roof.

what a bummer - it's her birthday party, but this week she's leaving for ten months and he's not going with...

ru55 and wi55 finally came over to my place for coffee (orange juice) and cookies! i'm a bit embarrassed that my place is such a mess at the moment, but i'm really happy that they've finally seen it :)

last thought before hitting the bed: my body's feeling solid from training, my fingers feel good from the guitar.
i'm not spending as much time with it as i'd like, but i'm definitely improving.

---
i'm so proud of myself! i actually stayed in bed for a couple of hours after i initially opened my eyes. now - i have things to do.

yet another peeve

it really offends me when i ask "how are you" as a greeting, only to have it thrown back in my face.

and when i ask the second time? still no response. this is a (i think new) norm that assigns even the pretence of care or consideration to a dying branch of the manners tree.

do people do this everywhere? i don't know why someone would actively isolate himself more,

annoyingly alone

the pub visit is unofficially cancelled, seeing as nobody's been in touch with me. i also have this unhappy feeling that i'll be going to see the buffalos album release show by myself.

smaller

i thought it was going to be a big day, but a lot of it was mere grinding and some of it was a lot of fun. i've caught the wiki-bug, apparently. document, link, delete. repeat if necessary. and to make it all good, i achieved my primary goal with a few minutes left on the clock. and i convinced another team to take on a project that i'd like to see done.

my TL and i are *not* vibing. we're being very amiable, but almost every sentence brings confusion. and the girl in our team was having a special day, which got on my nerves towards the end of it.

luckily i found a swift ride back to tel aviv, and the slow walk from the entrance to my apartment brought me back to life :)

midnight stout and milky black

i haven't eaten an israeli milky (מילקי) in years, and they have them in dark chocolate now ^_^

i'm still hot and sore from a very serious rollerblading mission: there were a lot of people, it was totally insane. the vanguard bicycle with the seriously loud trance was an absolute must, especially going through steep tunnels at high speed!

the best part of the evening was arranging a gaming night on saturday: either we break out the world of warcraft cards if nobody else arrives, or we munchkin. if we can somehow formalize the night, maybe even role-playing? i shouldn't get my hopes up.

waking up in the morning might be rough, and tomorrow is a *big* day; yet i don't care. tonight was awesome.

the heat! the disgusting heat!

the uniform most certainly accentuates it - ick.

i'm glad i decided to take a little longer and drop off my trousers for dry-cleaning: i would have been on the bus when i discovered that i'd forgotten my dog-tags. switching uniform in the middle of the week is never a good idea.

the mongoose called - he's single and has just bought an apartment. i guess that means he's trying to be like me :P

something reminded me of the guy in the ra'anana taekwondo group who drives me nuts. he's a bottom-feeding mouth-breather, and that last part being literal coupled with his glassy-eyed stare and complete disconnection from the world around him really puts me on edge. especially when it's because of him and his attitude that some poor girl's been going through surgery after surgery on her knees :(

i slept and dreamed on the bus to the base... so well, in fact, that it was through the grace of some nice woman that i was woken up when we arrived. how embarrassing! walking to the mess hall felt like walking into a strong, greasy soup current fully-clothed.

i've been making an effort to sit straight and work my back muscles... it's not comfortable.

my TL and i fought a lot today, mostly because he kept saying completely unnecessary things (like telling me to do what i was already doing, only in such a way that i had to stop to figure out what he wanted from me). i can't believe that i'm going to be stuck under his idiot command for the next Very Long Time.

things improved after home-time: i had hours to catch up and a lift home. i'd almost forgotten how much fun working evenings can be! the atmosphere is always more relaxed.

---
how do i feel?
like i'm serving six solitary for the heinous love-crime of idealism, in a big house where the highly prized special form of idiot is warden and the accepted disciplinary methods are ruthless torture meted out wantonly.
"i am not a number! i'm a person!" - and just like the prisoner, they're trying to convince me that it's a grand place to be.

my new favourite calvin & hobbes

phenomenal! james jarvis - onwards

permit woes

the good news for the morning:
my shipment containing the 25th anniversary edition of the last starfighter, the coraline graphic novel, and the 500 hats of bartholomew cubbins arrived!

the not so good news:
it was awkward finding someone helpful at the permit offices. the man i did find gave me a few numbers, and i went to coffeeholic to breakfast while ringing them up.

#1) leaving for ten days. passed me #2
#2) not answering
#3) asked me two questions, and explained to me that there's no way in hell to arrange a permit to fix my situation. apparently, it's not possible that my patio is less than 1.5m from the edge of our grounds.

at least breakfast was good. now i've got to put on my uniform again :S [i'm going to be feeling this for another while, apparently]

not so bad

me and my body are doing alright this morning, strangely enough.

a) i'm wondering about how much anxiety my army experience as a whole has caused me, and although i don't believe it's near to being enough of a problem that it requires medication*, i'm sure it's fairly significant

b) the physiotherapist suggested that my back problems could all be due to a lack of care - my back muscles are weak. this can easily be attributed to not sitting properly, but in particular it makes sense to me that my need to raise my knees whenever i'm in public transport is both a symptom and a cause.

c) i'm growing a massive to-do list at the moment. hmmph.

* reminder: a discussion on the beach on sunday concerning the kinds of drugs regular people consume; prescription drugs that contain all the good stuff but under different guises. requiem for a dream sort of thing.

full stops, but not with rum

chronological and sparse (guess who's had too much to drink):

. finished the c++ project, all working well. now due a code clean-up, just tidying and tweaking.

. it's always hard to wake up early. the bus switching went fairly smoothly, though.

. base breakfast: two piping-hot eggs. until the last minute, when someone brought in bread and the spread made up for the earlier disappointment (and slightly scorched fingertips).

. 4-5 hours fighting with the lawyers' office. primarily concerning the fact that the army was supposed to pay the bill for may's hypochondria. i couldn't send a fax because their fax number isn't valid ("but we receive tens of thousands a day!" she shouts at me. silly cow.), but i eventually discovered that the army denied authorization over a month ago.

and didn't inform me. the woman in charge of the clinic told me that they didn't need to let me know, in spite of them always saying "don't worry, we'll take care of it". she told me that after she explained that they probably tried to call me and couldn't get in touch.

...

so i had to foot the bill.

. i spoke to the city council concerning engineers - "you didn't speak to any professionals, then. but i'm forbidden to help you find one."

she did make a concession, though, and in the morning i'm going fishing for engineers at their watering hole.

. lunch sucked. and some girl pushed her plate through in what was destined to be my hand's path out of the food frenzy :(

. i got about an hour of actual work done, achieving a solid and exciting milestone ^_^

. i got a ride to tel aviv, affording me the luxury of changing before physiotherapy.

. physiotherapy had me snoring. i learned an exercise, received an excellent massage and was left on the bed, face-down with a warm blanket over me in the cool air-conditioning. there's no sleep quite like it, and i feel the urge again to acquire a massage bed.

. i walked home, then hopped a bus to training in ra'anana. training was good - too good, in fact. my body's broken. and i redeveloped problem i had a couple of weeks ago with my spinning kick :/

. i showered and went to chill at ta2's alternative line. nystire's sister arrived, and was all over me. she sms'ed to apologize, but made me explain to her that she's too different from me to interest me. do i have energy for this shit? i need a drinking buddy!

. i met someone from varsity days on the way home, my present state turning an awkward hello into an amusing conversation.

. i'm dead, but i had to post. i quote from the message i just sent ";":
i'm angry about not passing, but i'll get over it - i'll just have to continue to be unhappy until my contract is over, and make the most of the good life that i have outside. [i think i'm going to reload my ipod with slightly more aggressive/depressive music than has been on it until now, it's usually very reflective and it's been maintaining a sense of hope in recent months]

on the plus side, it's a year to get more familiar with the material and to focus on taekwondo and my (so far) pitiful attempts with the arts, so i can't exactly spend *all* of it feeling sorry for myself :)

and of course... going out drinking on weekdays. that was an *excellent* idea!

summary; tragedy; remedy

summary: a full 36 hours

shopping fail: i bought a few shirts, none of which were appropriate for smart occasions. SxS donated a shirt to my cause, and two of the ones i bought are good for semi-casual wear... but i am going to have to go back and exchange the others.

second breakfast: i had a great coffeeholic breakfast, and then an "anti-ageing" smoothie with ze germans a brisk walk away. very nice.

poster transport: the poster was not designed for transportation. getting it to ze germans was a bit of a mission; getting it to their car way more so. the drive with it was extremely uncomfortable, so much so that grootbek had to sit in the back - and he's big. once at ze germans' place, i managed to fix it up all right, but then it had to go to ra'anana and i lost a piece on the way :(

pre-sabbath swimming: excellent. i spent time with some friends whom we never spend time with, and their little daughter's antics keep bringing a smile to my face. they're an ideal family unit, and it's really, really nice to spend time with them :)

friday night with SxS's fam: a pleasure as usual. it's quite traditional, actually. i was originally intending to go to the synagogue for ru55's "bridegroom's sabbath" (שבת חתן), but i didn't want to mess with the dinner arrangements :P

after dinner and a short nap, SxS's cousin and i visited the couple and their friends.
a) they really appreciated the poster
b) the bride's friends are awesome, especially her cousin. they're all literature majors and are as full of weird as they are friendly. things progessed intangibly with the cousin (semi-colon, or ";").

after a short sleep, SxS and i made our way to the synagogue for the morning service. it was south african traditional, with lots of choir moments. i was reminded of my days (once upon a time) as a choir boy, and then suffered moments feeling like al pacino stirring the holy water. i had a potential target, too: the guy in charge of the zionist fed's housing (who made my life miserable in 2006).

for the first time in ten years (since we both immigrated), i ran into someone who used to be a really close friend for many years. it was nice to see him, although it did throw me a bit :P

SxS and i took a half hour break, then returned to the synagogue for lunch. the bride's mum was really worried because she could see that something was happening between me and ";" - turns out she's not jewish.
erm... big deal.

a coffee misunderstanding and a long conversation with SxS's mother tipped our afternoon plans out the window, and they were fairly complex plans :/

i drove ru55 and ";" to the cliffs of apologna. her mom called me when we arrived, and i felt really bad because she was supposed to come to my place for coffee to see my apartment and i'd forgotten to tell her i wasn't in the right city :S

goodbye: ";" and i have really hit it off, which is not a good thing because she had to leave the country a few hours later. *sigh*

swimming with ze germans was a perfect end to a very serious sabbath. afterwards, SxS and i met yogi for shuwarma, and then picked up mmf for a rooftop barbecue in honour of the newlyweds. it was a very nice evening (minus an ipod incident that bothered me more than it probably should have), and i was completely exhausted by the time i got home.

i woke up early this morning, and walked to the bank to order a new visa. visa tagging is a problem when you're in the military, and instead of taking five minutes to figure out what i want printed on the card it took more than twenty, by which stage i was going to be late for the polygraph. i blame being in a hurry for taking the wrong sequence of buses - i was completely on autopilot and headed for the wrong place.

i'm very glad i registered at a stop that was next to a taxi rank. it was an expensive correction, but a correction nonetheless.

---

tragedy: catch twenty-truth
i'm praying to all the gods - PLEASE HELP ME GET THROUGH THIS. i simply cannot pass a polygraph examination. i'm the perfect false positive, because that's what happens when you get excited over questions regardless of whether you're being honest or not.

if these guys want to see me in tears, they're doing a good job. i can't bow out of the process without it being seen as an admission of guilt, and i'm not guilty. i can't pass the polygraph, because it bears no relation to lie detection.

so guess who's not getting ready for university this year. and who's not getting ready for a solid vacation.

this is getting more and more distressing every time. the worst part?
"if you are lying, you're very convincing". thanks. but i have to pass in order to prove that i'm not a liar.

remedy: frisbee

a long chat with my mother (and her advice), excellent frisbee (and managing to not get my ipod wet), alcohol (the guy walking about with vodka and arak and a tank of iced-lemonade on his back), cookies (the claim was "the best in tel aviv", but they're pretty good nonetheless), and walking slowly back along the water's edge.

no afterparty...

... but i escorted the bride's cousin to ra'anana and she's extremely pleasant company :)

after milling about the town a bit, i crashed at SxS's. i woke up this morning, had a cup of coffee and an interesting debate with his father (it's becoming a tradition, but they're arguments and not fights so we're all good), and just took a bus back home. now i have to shop, breakfast, and get the wedding gift back over there.

SxS's father gave me the most fascinating and lucid editorial to read:
tainted to the core (part 1)
tainted to the core (part 2)

the tango

that was a *beautiful* wedding! traditional and elegant, packed with good friends and good vibes, the food was great and in spite of drinking excessively i'm still clear-headed and happy ^_^

being responsible for the bus there was a bit uncomfortable - some of the guys were late and then the driver began touring the city while traffic was beginning to spike... but we made it in time for me to finally meet ru55's parents and take a breath :)

now we're off to ze german's for ze afterparty...

milked

last night, on the whole, was brilliant. we went to a really nice restaurant right next door to my place, the food was excellent (although i'm embarrassed to admit that i confused the scallops with... umm, something else), and the service was amazing (and not just by israeli standards).

unfortunately, i consumed way more lactose than i'd anticipated, and about halfway through the meal my system began to crash. the only other thing that bothered me last night was that on the way there, my knee began to hurt.

damaged knees are scary - i was hugely relieved when the doctor told me this afternoon that it looks like it's just a ligament, so i'm wearing an elastic brace and all is good :)

on a completely unrelated note, a gorgeous girl caught my eye and i'm still feeling a bit silly for not have done anything about it :/

today's wake-up was horrible, after all the milk-products i felt bad for most of the morning :S
work was all blurry, we and i was more than happy to leave early. coming home was a nightmare - the sweltering heat and the high humidity don't really make wearing my uniform an enticing way to travel. at least my air-conditioner and a shower sorted that out ^_^

now off to ru55's wedding! w00t!

it rubs the lotion on its skin - a great song for starting the day

a nasty bin incident

i'm extremely agitated. i thought to take out the trash, opened the trash can... and released a million gnats into my apartment. something near the bottom of the bag was rotten, and now they're all over the place, interfering with my every move.

when i say "everywhere", each bite i take of my sandwich potentially includes some unwanted proteins O_o

professional s&m

stretch and massage: quite painful, but i'm very glad for it. how did i not do this before?!
i like physiotherapists, and am once again amused that they appear to like my tattoo :)
also, it was good to see the brother of the guy who's c++ project i'm doing, we haven't spoken in ages.

the day was superb, from retrieving my trousers to receiving my dvd of johnny mnemonic, from excellent reading time at coffeeholic (still on the old wired, and the new has arrived) to lunch and incredible ice-cream with the kid.

speaking of wired: i'm intrigued that i arrived at the same conclusion. i spoke to mmf yesterday and explained to him that there are a number of reasons why i won't work more than half-days when i get released. and now that i have a date for the next polygraph, that could be soon enough.

*prays*

now to see how crazy an evening it will be, i don't think we're going to be taking SxS's birthday lightly.

sterling wake-up

i can't believe i only needed about five or six hours of sleep to recalibrate! the best thing was calling in sick; a sick day that doesn't require a doctor's approval... i have one left until the end of the year, but today was when it counted :)

generation m - thought for the day

fluids?

the day went well, considering the fact that i was so tired that people kept commenting on how messed up i looked. the work i had to do got done, and i made myself useful for most of the rest of the day...

after getting home, drawing cash, showering and trying to help the hardware dude with his fax machine, i bussed to herzeliya. i got it right, and ordered bistro 56's (i think that's the number) veal ribs, going against the recommendation and taking them medium instead of medium-well. they were nothing short of succulent, and i went through 500g so fast that i wondered where the rest was :P
...
by all the gods - i am completely toasted. on the one hand, i drank way too much, especially considering the extreme tiredness i was suffering at the beginning of the night (and all through the day). on the other, we had a fine time and i even managed to handle the strip club without any spiritual harm.

i suppose it's because we were all more or less in the same headspace.

i'm now getting ready to shower, and in a couple of hours call in sick. or incompetent, at the very least :P

a lot of sleep

that's a lot of sleep, and look at the good it did me!

actually, although i was really tired in the morning i didn't feel bad... that only began after lunch. my state got progressively worse as the day wore on.

breakfast on base was surprisingly decent (maybe an indicator than something wasn't right?), and one of the guys in the section brought in a huge tray of brownies which were really good. i shouldn't have had so much. that started a chain of chocoholic-unfriendly events, the tail end of which saw me opening a packet while thinking "no, don't do that" and then making 75g disappear.

yesterday's bug turned out to be a false alarm - a problem with the environment i was testing in. my reference to nessy was more appropriate than i thought. the rest of my day was spent being altruistic and preparing my return to my primary project.

it wasn't until i got home that i registered that going to train wasn't a good idea. i went shopping, scarfed down a sandwich while watching battlestar galactica, and crashed. i just woke up now with a craving for orange juice, and it's bedtime again.

hmmm... my knee's been giving me trouble randomly for the last couple of weeks - i'm loathe to try to get it seen to through the army :/

powerful sunset, powerful frisbee,

and sand everywhere. that was really fun, but i'm wasted. wr called me as i left the beach, and i actually had to put an end to the conversation as i walked onto my block - too tired and too impatient for the phone :P

gonna crash, i was going to go see the ramirez brothers but the girls i was going with aren't up to it either...

exhaustion rules

and so does getting away with a siesta.

i spent the day becoming proficient with wikipedia and running tests... tests which ended in a beep that signifies disaster. essentially, i've dealt with all the snakes only to discover that i'm dealing with nessy.

i finally (years later) made an appointment for physiotherapy, and am well impressed that in spite of the red tape managed to organize it close to home. there's a half day off for a massage on the army's recommendation / account ^_^

now off for frisbee.

there's that ant again

slowly making its way across the nothing...

i'm having trouble uncurling myself this morning.

i came across an invite to the party yesterday, and so made my merry way there. the party was missing something... like, other people dancing... until the sun went down, and then the little children came out to play. it didn't bother me, the sunset was beautiful and it was as good a place as any to have a couple of drinks.

and i solidified a frisbee contact and we should be playing this evening :)

the other advantage was having time to think, really think about the next event in my current action chain; it's high time i learned to appreciate my situation and i need to relax and deal with things properly.

i stopped by coffeeholic on my way home - for "debate coffee". we had a very interesting argument while i sorted out my caffeine needs, then i left to change into nicer clothes and wait for piles.

our previous TL's engagement party was very nice, and aside from getting rather high from the hookah (nargila) and eating non-stop (melon, i can't stop myself), we talked until the small hours of the morning before dropping off friends near my base and then talked some more on the way back to tel aviv.

now... now i'm paying for all that chatter.

biased result

i have cleared most of my whiteboard, an indication that about 80% of the work has been done. i was getting very frustrated about halfway through, and asked myself if it was possible that a little tequila would help me code better... apparently, the answer is "yes".

taking a break for tekken might have been useful, too. spending some time strumming my guitar must have contributed.

if the roof party's on, then i really want to go - but karnaf's not answering his phone, which leaves me without details :/

waking up again

still feeling physically tired, but otherwise good. i woke up, had breakfast, hunted a valid plane ticket (failed), sorted photos*, drank coffee and made guitar noises on my patio, caught up on comics, and am about to get down to some work.

* i have some amazing photos from the period when i dated her, but the infinitesimally small chance of one of her immediate family coming over for coffee one day and seeing them gives me pause. it's unbelievable that that will always have to be an issue.

a mutation for less sleep holds much possibility. it's an interesting read regardless.

a penny arcade fan's musical tribute adds a certain... something to what is already a beautiful piece of work.

israeli breakfast

arriving at 2.30am at the moledet (מולדת), having a pastry and a chat outside and then a pint of murphy's for breakfast was a jolly good idea. now for a shower (lots of smoke in there) and some more sleep ^_^

stiff, sore, slow

the chef sorted me out with an excellent breakfast! i went to pick up my trousers, and bought the buffalos* cd. it's a fantastic album! on my way home, i went to the gallery next door to check out the latest exhibit - really beautiful stuff.

* i can't figure out why they changed their name - buffalo boots just seems more... defined.

i dropped the trousers off for dry-cleaning, did some super-quick shopping**, then made a snap decision to go train in spite of my post-training post-alcohol exhaustion.

** it always bothers me that the express line extends all the way into the aisle, so nobody can get past. today i set an example that people actually followed, and one woman was so impressed that she arranged for the manager to pull me out of the queue to pay even faster ^_^

it's been many years since i last trained 3+ hours two days in a row. even the kids and black belts who were with me yesterday were having a rough time... we worked really, really hard today.

i actually caught myself having a creepy dream while someone else was doing his forms:
i was giving my all to the punching bag [a big, twice-my-size one], and as i slowed down i noticed a few blood droplets forming and dripping from the bottom. on opening the bag, i found a dead body...

i limped home, showered, then walked to jeremiah for lunch / beer with karnaf. on the way home the beer made its presence felt, but in a positive, happy, singing-along-with-my-ipod way. i'd *just* stopped as i turned into my building, the cute neighbour on her way out flashed me the biggest smile :)

i woke up almost an hour ago to swedish chill sound system - mixed by rebel9 & arre, hung out the laundry (whoops), and got stuck online. now i'm trying to decide if i'm in the mood to go out or not...

looking for breakfast

still with a minor headache, but it's a great morning :)

i can't believe i stayed up so late - it's been a while since i went to bed around the time i usually get up.

sexy sounds
monkey island - maybe i should play again...
penny arcade takes on tekken
a disturbing indictment: how real it is may be debatable, but how uncomfortable it makes me is not.

narcolepsy

narcolepsy
i wake up once again
into this dream
the one where i remember that i used
to love
for a few brief moments
i grow back my eyes and my heart and my teeth

this time it will be different
this time i shall remember
i will not let slip, nor slide
nor let anyone else in to ruin my ride

i wake up once again
into this dream
the one where i remember that
i used to rage
for a few brief moments
i grow back my fists and my heart and my teeth

i shall not let slip, nor slide

i wake up once again
into this dream
the one where i remember that
i used to cry
for a few brief moments
i grow back my eyes and my heart and my mind

i cannot let slip, nor slide

i wake up once again

springs have sprung

springs have sprung
staring at my clockwork pieces
sadly, awkwardly strewn around
me
little, disjointed me
pushed and pulled and
stretch and squashed
the breaking smooth
a little shock and a laugh at a time
until the laughter is all gone
now the children stand amidst
my ruin
picking me over for parts to play with

clay mining

clay mining
too late i realize
that i have shared
all
with some bricks
in the wall

too late
i remember
i remember myself
my right to righteousness

that difference
that gulf between
fear
and life

those still stumbling in the dark
cannot find purchase with their chains
they cannot understand
what they cannot touch

chatter

chatter
we stand and talk
each voice equal
of love and hate
of hope and fear

we talk
equal, voices drowning out
noises of love and hope
drowned by those of hate and fear

talking, words without base
nor image, nor manifest
in defiance of our rendering
glassy-eyed lisp and stutter
mouths purging, swarms of flies
clouds, humming busily
not venturing from empty caverns
incapable of imprisoning them

we stand and talk
and believe in the power of
our loving, hating, hopeful, fearful flies

our slack speech
building chaotic, despotic worlds
which we despise, yet
like deep pools of dread-cold water
we dive into
from giddy heights amongst the angels

we stand and talk
flying and falling
and soaring and sinking
spinning, tumbling
to swim and bathe

our icy, polluted, oily words

engineering architects

and trousers!

i called up some engineers, who didn't understand what i was looking for. eventually one of them advised calling up an architect, and when i did that the architects didn't have a clue why i was asking them about an engineering problem.

so i'm really unhappy with the city council right now. why can't they just provide access to an engineer? it's not like the engineering branch doesn't employ any.

i went clothing shopping. i found a great pair of smart trousers and was most impressed when i tried them on, but for NIS 750+ i'm not pulling out my card. i went to fox next door, found myself decent pants for NIS 120, took those to my tailor (i have a tailor) and they'll be ready in the morning.

so i didn't suit up for "suit up day". oh, well.

i went to training, and managed to arrive almost on time :)
training was great, another one of the old crew arrived and we did some serious work. my left leg's improved dramatically (it's been useless the last couple of weeks) and in general i'm in better shape. our instructor even employed some of the techniques i brought back from south africa many years ago, and she didn't stop me from taking a couple of kids from another gym aside and re-training them.

even better was them understanding the differences and actually being grateful ^_^

the bus ride back was fun, and i spoke to both my cousin from the kibbutz (haven't been in touch in ages) and my mum. after the day's events my world is looking much brighter.

i showered as soon as i got in, then left for la-lasagna to have dinner with ru55, ze germans and a swedish friend. the food was great, and it was good to spend some time with ru55 before next week's wedding madness begins. after dinner we went out to a nice bar...

i ordered rum and coke, as usual. what arrived was comprised of two tall glasses and a bottle of coke, one filled with rum and the other with ice. the waitress didn't understand why i would've appreciated a warning beforehand - the way pricing in this city goes i was immediately certain that i was holding over NIS 100 in my hand. in reality, they charged me only slightly more than a regular rum and coke!

i've just got in, finished watching the second season of battlestar galactica, and i think it might be bedtime soon. that was more rum than i'd planned for, and after a few glasses of wine...

i was by no means drunk,

but i'd definitely had too much to drink by the time i got home (1.40am). on the plus side, that meant that in spite of the shite music i danced at my TL's wedding - yo, ho, ho and a lot of rum. i've been wondering, maybe i should drink more - is a drunken smile not as good as a sober one?

i can't help but focus on the irony that the army doesn't care if i drink myself to death, but psychotropics are a no-no. heaven forbid we should enjoy ourselves in a positive way :S

i've scribbled everything backwards:

the little kid trying to breakdance was highly entertaining. what he lacked in skill he made up for with balls and energy.
*everyone* dancing to infected mushroom - it always makes me smile. apparently, *all* these people have the potential to enjoy really good electronic music, but they'll look at me funny when i put trance on at work.

the first two or three drinks last night made me extremely contemplative, but in a warm, fuzzy way. i need that holiday... and some re-programming.

meat abuse - i didn't go for the steak, the wedding took place in a nice enough environment (the trumpet was a great touch) but damn, these people really know how to kill an animal twice. unbelievable.

the girls got upset with me when the dessert arrived: i choose good chocolate over women *every time*. they stopped being upset when their dessert arrived, at which point i got thumbs up and knowing grins :)

i sent spinnit an sms regarding the previous night... i realize that that was a stupid mistake.

to get to the wedding on time, i had to leave at 4pm to arrive home at 5.45... usually, i leave base at 5.15pm and arrive at 6. yay, public transport.
i got home, showered (i was absolutely revolting because of the heat, the travelling and the generally disgusting humidity), and rushed off to the next bus.
i made it to the designated spot at 6.30pm, giving me time to sit in the bus shelter and watch more battlestar galactica.

the workday ended with me discovering a big, bad bug that's gonna have me stressing the second i get back to my office :(

yesterday morning was highly productive: i managed to arrange a new system for our section that separates section mails from all the rest. everyone's excited, including our SC - who doesn't realize that the primary advantage is that it's now easier to ignore his messages :P

aside from that, i inserted an amusing little easter egg into my primary project (it shares wisdom with the user when he does something "unexpected") and organized my work environment. it was a fun day, and when i left i was actually excited for the first time in way too long ^_^

the "you're totally right" mail: i had an argument with my ride yesterday about something that she *knew* was right even though i'd brought it to her attention because it wasn't. i probably shouldn't have been as satisfied as i was when i received the mail, but there you have it: i'm human.

my day yesterday began with my ripping a button off my shirt. i caught it before i left, but without enough time to deal with it or swap shirts so i grabbed a sewing kit and fixed it on base. when nystire walked in and looked at me sideways, i commented that i felt like wesley snipes in demolition man, only with the complaint that i've got all the weapons training instead of the seamstress conditioning that could have been useful.

---
i would hesitate to say that throwing up on waking up is a good way to begin the day. i didn't give myself much time to spare in getting to my meeting with the suit, but i arrived on time with enough to spare to sit down and have a scene with the chief and cally [battlestar galactica] almost make me cry.

the meeting went very differently from how i expected. i've been running simulations of it in my head since last week's angry wake-up, and although i managed to get out everything i had to say i managed to do it in a manner that didn't stop the clock. i think things may just be alright... although if they aren't, there's not much i can do about it so i really shouldn't stress.

i had breakfast at movieing on my way home, and am now about to get involved with engineers and realtors. oh boy.

i didn't mention a really amusing experience - on my way home two nights ago i continued watching battlestar galactica on my phone... i didn't pause it to draw cash at the atm, just put the phone on the keypad. this phone is dragging me into a new technological era's attitude :)

awesome! buffalo boots has released an album! (the download is free if you register for the mailing list)

how very interesting...

... a night involving sammy, tal levi and spinnit. all that (and the current hour) in spite of having been so wiped out that i passed out on the couch for an hour after posting and needed coffee just so i could walk out the door.

g'nite.

opposite day

i was almost completely unproductive today. when i did start doing something, the systems went down... taking a lot of my other work with it as well.

i think i made up for it during the afternoon's section meeting - after i began to wake up, of course. it was suggestion time, and i actually had a bunch of ideas to share :)
our unit commander impresses me no end, every time. it really is a pity that there are two levels in the hierarchy between us :/

it's funny, no matter how crap things have gotten, i still can't help but to try to improve things.

one of the taekwondo kids paid us a visit around lunchtime, and inspired me to consider going back to physiotherapy. why not? why the hell shouldn't i take a half day once a week to learn new exercises and get a massage?

slow leak

that's the new tap being difficult... the real issue of this post is a metaphorical version:
my eyesight seems worse, and i can't tell if it's temporary because i'm spending too much time in front of the pc or permanent (probably also because i'm spending too much time in front of the pc).

last night, when i left nystire's place i thought things were foggy, until i realized that it was my vision and not the air. that's happened to me a few times, especially during the last few weeks.

"i'm 37! i'm not old!"

memories before the second shower erase

i had coffee at nystire's after training, and a quick shower (which definitely made the travelling back more bearable). i plan on forgetting today in the next ten minutes.

i've been watching battlestar galactica while travelling, and that's very cool. i'm actually sorry i haven't been using the phone as a media player until now :)

huh! i actually was productive last night. and today - my sideline project (which has become my primary one already) is already proving itself useful ^_^
other than that, it was a bit of a strange day, but good. one of those forgettable, "normal" days that almost never happens.

oh! it started with a lecture that nystire and i had been in during the first leg of last year's course... the lecturer was amazed that we didn't fall asleep.

training was good - a couple of kids i haven't seen in almost five years were there, and they kicked the crap outta me. we had fun :)
nystire seemed to have enjoyed himself - i hope enough to find his way back. i did warn him that his legs were going to hurt in the morning :P

the bus back from training was insanely crowded - school holidays? unbelievable. i had to get the kids to stop playing their tinny crap-hop at top volume so that i could hear my headphones...

i ran into spot's mother on the way home, had a nice chat.

i got home to discover that in the present heat i need to put bananas in the fridge... the last one melted. at least i got to it before it began to smell.

i wanted to go to the alternative party tonight, but i've definitely arrived home too late :/

george carlin on dick-waving

an odd week starts

not a bad day at all: i almost missed my bus, but i didn't. and i couldn't sleep, because i got totally stuck into one of the most beautiful and bad-ass "neo noir"* films i've ever seen: angel heart.
another phenomenal classic that flew straight under my radar... i'm very grateful that spinnit mentioned it the last time we met.

* neo noir: it's noir, but in colour. jeez.

i walked into my old cubicle this morning, took stock a moment, then found my new one. i cannot express the difference! our pointy-haired boss arrived to make some bright-spark remark - probably intended to say something about the brad pitt hint i left him - and i took the opportunity to dig in and twist about something that's been staring me in the face for years:
there is one thing in the military that nobody of any rank has. his dignity.

i had an exceptionally productive day. the only real mistake involved purchasing timtams: again?! i never learn. too - much - good - chocolate.

there's a freaky kid in our unit, i've mentioned him before (can't find where). i heard the hand-dryer's noise as i got to the door of the bathroom, and decided to wait for it to stop before entering. it didn't stop. i waited some more... and it still didn't stop. so i pushed the door open, and found the kid drywashing his hands with a blank look on his face, which was held at an awkward angle.

i walked over to the sink behind him - still not stopping. i looked at him, stared, stared some more, and was about to say something about not wasting electricity when he got a strange smile on his face and skipped outside.

i had a chat with my mum regarding my near-future plans, and i think i'm going to take her advice. it's sound, but not an easy decision to make.
i thought a lot about the man in the suit (who eventually called me back) and what i'm going to say to him. i know it's not smart, but i have this weird condition that requires me to try to fix broken things. the sentence that popped into my head?
i'm one of the good guys, and you're playing cowboys and injuns with toy guns.

i was enjoying the ride home, still watching the movie... right until the cheeky shit opened his fat mouth about how it's not fair that i'm not doing him a favour and taking the bus instead of him: the route is defined by where *i* live, because *i'm* in the permanent force and the shuttle is for *us*.
i told him no, explained to him why, and then out came the gem: "but i have to carry a gun! it's not fair that you're exempt!"

little bastard has no manners; i let him have my best scowl and low-voiced threat (it all came out so naturally), and he shut up and turned back. i think i'm going to have words with the guy in charge of the shuttle.

shaking that wonderful experience off, i went to visit the hardware dude and help him with his printer... it's a bitch of a setup, but i managed to find a way. i hope somebody does him a favour and finds a better one.

i ran into one of my old neighbours and invited them for coffee, but it's their anniversary tonight. i'm trying to sort out something with another friend to help the first ones, so there are now two hosting evenings in the pipeline :P

shopped, posted, and now to get something productive going.

on speeches and shrieks

i'm extremely pleased that so many people turned out - over 70000, according to the police reports. some of the speeches made were brilliant, and hopefully one day could even apply to people like myself... those who know me well will understand why i think of myself as "in the closet", even if it's not for sexual reasons.

two things that bothered me:
the first, justified, was one of the people who were injured in last week's attack - he gave a good speech, but he was crying and really belting his words out.
the second, unjustified, was a group of lesbians and arab homosexuals who began making a noise to be represented in particular. whether they're under-represented or not, tonight was not the night for them to be showing discord within the community - it could only harm their own interests.

tonight was the night for everyone, regardless of sexual orientation and beliefs, to acknowledge the basic rights of every citizen to be free to be himself. hell, even the president was on board for a speech.

---
after a day spent idly, i got into work mode and made serious headway into the c++ project. the second i figured out the simple method, it all fell into place ^_^

i went to help the chef and his girlfriend with moving, then rushed off to the rally. i left towards the end, already thinking of waking up at 5.30am (aw, crap), but got caught by two of the girls at coffeeholic along the way for a very interesting conversation.

but now it's shower-and-bedtime.

kramer vs. kramer

i don't believe i've seen kramer vs. kramer before - it's a great film!

the graduate

the graduate - what a great movie :)

love-lazy

i was just hit by a sudden realization:

"love is an affluence that a regular man must work hard to achieve; i, like any good pirate, would rather - nay, expect to come across the buried booty by chance whilst dealing with the bodies from some previous enterprise"

late friday, home alone

and the answer to all my problems is? not to convert. although the codec sync issue doesn't make it ideal, it means no conversions necessary and i can skip bits.

mpeg or avi, movie quality on my phone is brilliant. i'm as impressed as i was watching tropic thunder on an iphone.

first avi transferred? mythbusters moon landing hoax episode. now i can share it with the office.

i should've gone out. i think i'm going to bed. i don't know why i picked hitman hart: wrestling with shadows, but it's quite interesting.

a short breath

i woke up this morning embarrassed and sad and angry and worried, with different angles of the up-and-coming conversation with the man in the suit flogging my neurons. and i think it's time i let him know what i think: if the security of my country is in your hands, we're all in deep shit.

i cleaned my apartment this morning, musing on how much easier it is than cleaning my head. while cleaning, i listened to the filthy muthas 2009 mix and the beeping of my cpu warning while the conversion worked hard to fail.

i suddenly realized that it was high time for pre-training food consumption, so i took my book of milton for a beef parisian and some sunshine. today's weather wasn't too bad, it's the first time in weeks that i left my windows open instead of using the air-conditioner :)

training: i went looking for a fight, and i found one. i began with some work on the heavy punching bags (the MMA guys were a little bewildered, i really did go nuts), and thus wore myself out before the warm-up. aside from a few seconds of weakness and feeling like i was going to throw up, the rest of the training was fine.

especially the fighting.
i don't remember ever managing to pull it together like i did today, i scared the bejeezus out of the lower ranks and scored appreciation from the black belts. no less important, i satisfied myself.

we also had a rather important debate about standards today, which most of us agreed upon. we're training with our instructor because they're high, she really doesn't need to treat us like anyone else would.

i came home, showered, inserted chords where i felt they were needed, and went shopping. once i got back home i sat catching up online and eating my sandwich (followed by a not-yet ripened mango, not great), then fought and won with the video conversation.

the painting above was something that just kinda came out... i think it's time i learned to layer things. i'm disappointed not only in my lack of technique, but also in its simplicity.

i'm shocked that it's this late already! and i thought i'd get some work done on the c++ project. i mean, i thought about it a little, sure...

linkage, or: should'a been working

we, the people - do you have to be an american to appreciate this?
no, no you don't. you also don't have to be an american to fail to listen to this guy. democracy is ours! and we give it up because we're lazy and distracted.

something made me revisit the archives, and remember a very good idea. one day, if i'm filthy rich and not merely filthy, i might back a venture along those lines.

mike krahulik totally rocks d&d! [it's the last post of the day]
and one of penny arcade's fans realized a sweet script of theirs :)

i'm reposting a repost of elizabeth gilbert - she's smart and she's right.

what is it? a cure, or immunization? TLDR, although i did scan the intro :P

the buzzing that didn't go away

keywords: ubuntu convert avi dvd mpeg mp4

that, and the file didn't convert properly. so i finally decided to go another route.

my comment to nystire: "after about half an hour installing, i finally got it working. and by working, i mean the app has frozen and my cpu temperature warning is going crazy."

there were stops along the way:

• discovery
• installation error
• multiple "unknown encoder" errors
• (the solution to the previous error)
• the missing installation from the previous solution
  (libavcodec-unstripped-51)

that last one just needed to be removed from the installation list, everything worked fine for me without it.

so i can now convert avi files to mpeg4! and watch movies on my phone. now i just need to find a better player for my n95 than the default, which doesn't allow one to move back and forth.

the factory

it's something i've never had to build before - i'm so glad it popped into my head! although i've made some headway into the c++ project, i'm beginning to think fuzzy so i'm taking myself to bed.

after lots of annoying buzzing i was disappointed to discover that the video conversion didn't work. i'm now performing it again with a different codec, but i have no guarantee that it'll come out alright.

i just can't seem to make the buzzing go away :(

i'm shocked at the news:

do i have to worry about being arrested? granted, i wasn't in active service during the operation... but still, this is absolutely ridiculous, disgusting and absurd

this bit hardly lessons the blow

momma grizzly

they shouldn't have poked the cub, because there's an eye twitching and opening. i'm feeling very much alive for the first time in a very, very long time - and i'm ready to go head-to-head.

---
i was inside-out when i woke up this morning, luckily i managed to stumble out without making too much mess. i got some good work done, then moved to the cubicle on the other side of the partition: what the hell?! how did i not go postal during the last six months?!?! i've suddenly got room to breathe, and my TL isn't sitting back-to-back with me anymore - the difference is astounding!

lunch - the stupid girl from across the hall tried to explain to me how pointless literature is. i eventually gave up. nystire tried to convert a movie i put on my phone to an n95-readable format... it was taking way too long. i'm doing it in the background now, but every minute or so the cpu begins to overheat (or at least, it *thinks* it's overheating) so i have to pause it :(

my attitude has made a huge switch since yesterday, i'm sick of the games and the bullshit. it's time to get out of my current situation and do something with my life.

the day ended with melted timtams (i consumed most of the package - i was sugar-dizzy for a while) and meeting some important objectives in the fun project :)

the stupid girl, the kinder and the creationist had a highly amusing argument in the shuttle on the way home... i'm glad i wasn't a part of it. i got in, changed, and had a long chat with yogi on my way to dizengoff center - their wasn't a show there. at least i had something else that needed doing: i paid my tattoo-artist a visit, and he explained to me the intricacies of foot tattoos :P

i stopped by coffeeholic for an iced-soya irish coffee, and have now returned to get some work done.

moonlit harbour concert

i haven't heard shlomi shaban in ages, the man is absolutely incredible!

after posting, i took myself off to coffeeholic for a superb salad while continuing to read paradise lost. on the way back i stopped in at the hardware store to say hi, and that turned into a very long and interesting conversation.

i came back home to work on the c++ project, and found another version of the same paper in my inbox. same paper, different author, legible, logical. hmmm... he suspects. there was only one problem that i could see, and on the phone with the guy i'm helping i managed to figure out a way around it.

that phone call wasn't in front of my pc, rather it took place on my way to the harbour. the harbour is not a place for tel-aviviim, but einav jackson cohen had the warm-up for shlomi so we couldn't miss it :)

my mum called just before einav went up on stage, and we had a critical review of the day's events... as usual, we're of the same mind. it's time for me to get off this train.

after the show we went for ice-cream... "best ice-cream in the country!", say people who aren't familiar with the tel-avivi vaniglia. suck it, foreigners :P [i'm such an elitist when it comes to my city ^_^]

anger, dismay - a perfect morning

i was a bit stressed, but the morning was great! i woke up around 7.45, had a long and excellent breakfast while reading paradise lost and scribbling furiously...

on my way home to change into uniform i was struck by the sudden, searing heat. an omen? i got there on time, found myself quite comfortable... and the talking until the test itself was mostly alright....

...

not only did i discover that i've had wool pulled over my eyes, i've also discovered that i'm possibly the dumbest person i know. regardless of the earlier regret being very well-placed and having it sharpened today, i have learned that i really do care too much and it is clear to me that that will only cause me grief.

but hey, i can't really stop caring. i can't stop being a good person, and i can't not do what i believe is right. so as of this moment, i'm making a conscious decision to not care about my inability to fail to live up to my own expectations.

i'm still upset, but that last sentence just made my day better.

a quiet memorial

a small gathering, for a few speeches and lots of debate. it was a very tasteful affair.

my old team-mate came over for coffee, and we talked about both fun stuff and army stuff. as for living arrangements, he's definitely been bitten by the same bug - he's decided it's time for him and his fiancé to move to the big city :)
[for hebrew readers: דירה להשכיר תל-אביב 2009]

i was going to go blading tonight, but i realized that aside from being very tired, i probably shouldn't mess *too* much with my leg.

didn't miss training

[monday night]

and extremely glad i didn't, we've moved to a gym that kicks ass ^_^
a pity that my toe's out of commission... but i made the most of it anyway.

the explanation of the previous statement: we had a surprise visit from a very sweet girl who did the first leg of last year's course with nystire and myself, and then i went to wait lots for the surgeon to take a look at me.

it was a good opportunity to be amused by the wonders of this month's wired - it's full of good stuff, and something in it smacked me upside the head with an inspiring idea :D

i got called inside about two hours after arriving, to have the surgeon laugh at me and inform me that the general doctor who'd referred me had misdiagnosed, and all i needed was to have two arbitrary growths burned. fantastic! and i only had to wait a month for the appointment!

fortunately, the girl at the dermatologist's took pity on me and had me seen within ten minutes, the work was done and i was on my way back to base. i didn't even need an anaesthetic.

it was super-hot and humid as hell, i practically melted back into my office...
i've been having an argument with the office of the chief of staff over a magazine that i keep receiving and don't want. this argument has lasted most of this year. yesterday, a girl there who finally understood what i'm trying to achieve and agrees with me told me that giving up might be a good idea.

she suggested letting go of the current line of inquiry, and instead of trying to fix something broken to just request a basic favour from them instead. on my way to the fax machine i contemplated finding an ink pad so i could sign the request with my penis.

[pause: guests arrive, blogger does something weird with my post]

one of the guys i did the third leg of the course with was around, so i went with him and his SC for lunch off-base. i understand that that was a wise move, and after today's experience i filled my calendar with a daily lunch appointment entitled "make an effort to consume trash".

our new "system engineer" (product manager) asked me a question. i answered, and his response solidly indicated a complete lack of understanding. so i began explaining...
"but i know that!"
i continued explaining, after which he responded with "oh... got it"... and then i got to the point. "oh! we knew that!"

then don't waste my ****ing time. dickhead.

... spinnit's been popping into my head quite randomly...

my previous team-mate invited half the base for leftovers from saturday evening's picnic, which was fun. i had an embarrassing incident with my current team-mate, someone from our section and a comment about nipples :/

our SC and project manager have begun wearing bluetooth headsets, so i tacked the cover of this month's wired to each of their screens :P

we spent a half a busy hour coming up with cool names for our TL's future kids. productive! i left the base feeling a bit crazy.

training was excellent. there was a big section farewell party for our village idiot, but when i called him he told me there wasn't enough time to make it worth joining them - and this morning everyone wondered why, because there was plenty... instead, i had a good chat with my mum and did some quick shopping.

having guests that i'm not overly-friendly with (my team-mate and his girlfriend) was a little awkward, but i'm pleased that they were comfortable :)

we got to wake up late today! 6.30am is late. i had an entertaining debate with our ride to the base about the upsides and downsides of living in tel aviv... we were near the base when she threw what i consider to be a whopper: "people who don't want kids are pathetic".

i couldn't let that slide. i firmly believe that everyone can define his existence however he likes, and in this day and age it's not necessarily a bad thing for people to forsake procreation in order to make (what they consider to be) the most out of their lives.

our team had an argument today over the happy tree friends vs. the mandrake root from pan's labyrinth :S

: sense-of-humour failure (maybe to do with tomorrow?); contemplating the wisdom of my adherence to my values; overwhelming exhaustion and identifying with the wall's "pink"; eating constantly; discussing the future with the kinder :

i finally finished the primary workload, and got somewhere with the fun stuff. unenthusiastically, but it's good.

i just got home - i passed out on the shuttle and awoke with a start from a strange dream discussing maps with my second mom O_o

exploding sheep

i don't know where to begin, so i'll start with last night's horror: [the news links i posted are no longer valid, so here's the wikipedia entry]

everyone is shocked, the community is angry and frightened, and all i can think of is this:
any monkey can pull a trigger. not every monkey can communicate. what can we expect from a country where education is replaced by laws or religion (which is the same thing, really)? what have we done to ourselves?
and to think that last week we mourned the destruction of both temples, the primary cause being "senseless hatred".

my morning's response:
johnny's a bit slow, can't tie his own laces
so give him velcro instead

he can't handle a knife and a fork
let him eat with his hands

our johnny will never go very far
maybe just as far as the local pub
he'll never be a shining star
nor president of the debate club

the poor kid just couldn't manage to read
so put him in front of the telly

he'll always be a little short on love
he thinks he knows what he deserves

and anyone can use a gun

---
a thought struck this morning: how can one be successful when one has developed a culture of dishonesty?

my upper arm's been hurting randomly, and i don't know if i've strained something or if it's got to do with my neck - and my neck's been very sensitive of late: i'm constantly terrified that my slipped disc is going to press on an important set of nerves...

ha, that reminds me that the man in a suit recommended i go to a chiropractor :P

the pilot episode of house got stuck in my head :P

this morning was spent pulling off the craziest prank - we totally got him. half the unit participated, i captured some brilliant footage (he didn't even realize he was looking at a camera, i was distracting him with my other hand ^_^), and i got into character completely and didn't even feel like laughing. the guys are still giggling whenever someone quotes from my little speech halfway through :)

nystire and i ate lunch on our old unit's base with his first SC, which was quite pleasant. i was surprised to be brushed off by the kid's brother, but whatever...

i got back in time to teach the new kid about my first big project, and spent the rest of the afternoon getting so much work done that my eyes were sore when i left the building.

---i don't know what came over me, but wr and his cute new friend were here and they began reading my latest: why would i try playing it for them? i suck! and i was super embarrassed. oh, well, back to the beginning of that story:

there was a small march and a vigil held at the gay community centre, and i met wr and a girl he met on the bus on the way to join them. it was a very sombre experience, and afterwards we got coffee and went to sit in the park. the conversation got very interesting, including an amusing misunderstanding - blow-up sheep / exploding sheep sounds the same in hebrew - hence the title of this post.

anyway, i'm undergoing surgery tomorrow to remove something from my leg, so i should be getting to bed soon. i'm annoyed that i'm going to miss training :(

first worm

wow - that may have been a big mistake: watching the pilot episode of house. i may have to watch more.

i was picked up a little before 6pm by one of my old team-mates, and we went to see michal geva perform. problem is that she performed at plastic, a three-floor fashion exposition. the oestrogen:testosterone ratio was through the roof, and being two guys didn't help much. it was like walking into studio b (dance and aerobics) alone... quite uncomfortable.

the performance itself was really good, and as it was up to me to repeatedly get the dj to lower the volume (a bit inconsiderate, that) i felt like i'd contributed :P

from there i went to a birthday picnic for a more recent ex-team-mate, which wasn't too bad. my snowboard buddy from january arrived, and we took a walk to the ozen bar to hear the ramirez brothers. unfortunately, they'd finished before we arrived :/

we walked back to my place so he could shower before heading off to netanya, and we got into a very interesting debate about different attitudes towards partying and different styles of music.

it's now too few hours to wake-up :/

quick saturday list

slept well,
improved the song i referred to yesterday,
ate well,
did laundry,
hung up a new whiteboard,
uploaded party videos,
heard about hedwig and the angry inch,
found myself sitting mesmerized by pj harvey - when under ether,
was impressed no end by barry schwartz,
was blown away by ESRAh - lilith and emar - tumare darshan,
and am currently being driven crazy by the c++ project: the paper is badly written and contains so many contradictions it's unbearable... but i'm trying anyway.

that ant... is still walking back and forth across my screen...

...

i've had sand in my toes, and i've stood on a...
... burning cigarette... not an entirely unfamiliar experience...

i was surprised by the speed with which ru55 arrived... we made it to the designated place quickly, but the party had moved... we then made a mistake finding the new venue... the new venue was the same place i was at last party...

the crowd was amazing... the set-up extremely festive... some of the tattoos blew my mind...

i had a surprising half an hour of agitation on the dancefloor caused by last night's news... not helped too much by a couple of people being aggressively trashed and in my face (i wouldn't have minded if they'd been a half a metre away)... and texas faggot played some incredible stuff but most of his set was a little too weird for me...

haltya started off a little awkwardly, but when he warmed up: damn...

ru55 was feeling tired, so we left early... i have got to find party-buddies who go the distance... the drive back was pleasant...

being awake for the other side of a sunrise makes it so much easier to appreciate a beautiful morning...

an ant... is walking back and forth across my screen...