my modem's on the blink

(motivator / demotivator)

my commander made me promise to do the impossible this morning, which is to somehow finish the last month's frustrating torture before taking sick leave - that's now less than two weeks away.

that's in addition to the other work that actually has value, only i've become so demotivated that i spent a large part of today staring at my screen blankly.

on the bus home i blasted my brain with ministry - i know how bad it is for my ears, but it's the only way i know how to kick my neurons into action and rid myself of the raging headache caused by "forgetting my glasses at home" (i hadn't forgotten them, i'd simply lost them in my bag).

at least i managed to get a good scribble going, far superior to the crud i did yesterday morning.

once i got home, i switched over to intense psychedelic beats, and for the walk to bt's i switched from psychedelic rock to hard rock. by the time i got to her place i was mostly sorted out.

she's staying in a great apartment with an absolutely stunning view, pity about the ten steep flights of steps. the last thing i expected was to be watching maccabi tel aviv being broken in the final, but it wasn't a complete bore and i got into it enough to be disappointed at the end.

the reporter was most amusing:
"so did you guys realize how much you'd suck tonight?"
"how does it feel knowing that everyone was betting against you?"
i'm paraphrasing, but that's the gist of what she was asking them and she just didn't stop.

so things seem pretty good with bt, but very obviously in early stages so there's still time to screw things up.

the walk home was covered nicely by a perfect circle and a complete lack of shame in continuing with my emotional renditions regardless of passers by.

i've just made myself a decent toasted sandwich, and i'm ready for bed. i'm somehow going to have to psyche myself up for tomorrow, and i've no idea where to begin.

moonflake's latest post on expelled is a must-read.