i'm depressed. i'm frustrated. so, of course, my natural reaction is to share the suck with everyone. and take it out on innocents. i hate myself more for it.
wow. the army really has managed to bring out the worst in me. i'm hating every minute of it, i can't find a thing to smile about. and when i can, i manage to quickly wipe it off and resume scowling.
this has fast become one of the most painful downs of my life. each moment gets harder to bear, and my attitude keeps shifting further and further over to "complete asshole".
it doesn't help that my neck is out of commission again, and no matter what i do makes it feel worse. playing basketball today didn't help any. i think i coughed up a pack of cigarettes, though - makes me feel better about the amount i've smoked since.
i spoke the guy in charge of "base janitors" today - he asked me if i had any experience with gardening equipment.
gotta be shitting me.
i lost the plot completely when my welfare officer told me that there's nothing they can help me with - i'm going to have to go and apologize tomorrow.
after my kitchen duty. at least i found a replacement for work tomorrow night, so i can go to the balcony and drown my sorrows. well, to be honest, it's more about releasing rage on the dancefloor than drinking. i just want to scream and shout and throw my body at the air, in vain.
i discovered today that smashing objects can be very therapeutic. leaves you with less smashable objects afterwards, though.
Seems you are having a bitch of a bad time. Tough it out, dude, in whichever way you choose.
ReplyDeletewell, i'm still depressed, but less angry. it's a start. i keep spacing out, though. that's probably not good.
ReplyDelete