Tuesday, November 14, 2017

concerns and burning out

fleas again?! i freakin' hope not, but something's jumping on my legs right now.

the overarching concern of the past two weeks is that a grave pharmacy mistake we recently uncovered may have negatively affected mr smear's growth potential :(

tuesday 31st:

going to bed around 2/2.30am after doing some finances, then being woken four hours later by the loudest, most aggressive banging yet: scrambling to dress and go downstairs to confront the bastards and finding an empty mall, plus the boxing school bozos very confident that it wasn't them. in the evening we heard that same banging again and i jumped downstairs to find a guy using ropes so hard that they banged every time they touched the floor - it WAS the boxing school!

a slightly tense morning, coming out alright, dropping mr smear off and heading to town for half an hour of "fifteen minutes" installing a vehicle tracker with no internet connection because the fool agent from telkom sorted me out for the following month but not the one i needed help with

backing up gd's scans, taking her to pathcare, picking up mr smear who - according to plan - fell asleep on the way to the hospital. not according to plan: forgetting his stroller and having to carry him napping until i woke him up because i simply couldn't manage any more. again struggling with the lack of internet because we didn't know we needed her id with us, eventually getting everything done and returning home; working a little then taking mr smear and his bike for a walk (bissli winning the day), then home for drama (anxiety over gd's physical course discomfort and content)

straightforward bedtime, needing coffee just to shower, meetings with pivotal revelations and feet really hurting for a long time but grateful for gd's friend's massage tool

gd having a breakdown (the pain)

gd convincing me to go to bed at 11pm after finding me sitting on the floor in a pained stupor trying to stretch and manipulate my neck and back

wednesday 1st:

still exhausted early, a fairly standard morning, my recently printed shirts already falling apart, dropping off mr smear and heading straight to my mom's to work

good work, picking up mr smear and taking him home, an hour shopping and eating lunch, showing the nanny the shaded park and mr smear falling asleep along the way, more work and believing i'd broken something just before rushing out to take gd to the chiropractor (i hadn't), just enough time to drop off a visa form at the doctor's office then wake mr smear, pick up gd and do more grocery shopping

a little work, taking mr smear and his bike to a park where he played nicely with a little girl until she tried to use his bike - i was sorely disappointed - coming home for dinner, israeli music and shower-and-bedtime

finishing joe rogan: triggered (excellent), clearing my desk a little then working

thursday 2nd:

until 00.30

migraine day and a big upset over not answering non-trivial questions with trivial answers, dropping mr smear off at school and resting a little before a very interesting and angry therapy session, a little work before picking mr smear up again, letting him get away from me but finding him shortly thereafter, home to big hunger on both our parts, a frustrated toddler on the potty learning that you can't pee with an erection, running into our neighbours carrying their stroller up tight stairs because the elevator was out of order, a pharmacy mission and picking up lavender essential oil

a long and difficult process getting mr smear to nap, eventually putting him on the couch and leaving the trance playing while i worked

mr smear eating veggie burgers wrong, a little work before rushing to get to gd's class; mr smear throwing a tantrum last minute and refusing to brush his teeth because "no water!!!", finally rinsing his mouth and laughing in my face when i pointed out that he was thirstily drinking the water he'd said no to

phenomenally bad driving on the way to the temple, another interesting class but gd very uncomfortable, a heavy thunderstorm, coming home to funny stories about my son's bedtime behaviour, leftovers and sorbet and stranger things 2 and early to bed (11.45) with rls

friday 3rd:

up at 4am to work with more lightning and rain, a fair amount of the day spent building a robust converter that i'm amazed isn't freely available already

picking up the second copy of my book in the rain, a waterfront grocery run alone, picking up gd's medical form a day late because the not-so-bright receptionist had forgotten about it, walking to our friend and not arriving because mr smear got caught up in dog parks and made a new friend in the kid's one

going straight from the park to the temple, mr smear loving the songs then trying to play with a group of older girls and getting a ton of exercise; explaining to me that he's afraid of heights by saying "owie!" and navigating a narrow log heigh up in spite of his fear, vegan sushi and flings before returning home, friday night dinner with my mom, reading to mr smear and almost passing out myself, then starting rls and taking something for it that seems to have worked

saturday 4th:

waking up to a real-life nightmare at 4am, gd having pinched a nerve that had her in unbearable agony that i'm still shocked she refused to take to the hospital; the pinch calming about half an hour later and everyone sleeping until 9am

waking up from a dream about a joyful goodbye with old family friends leaving in a dust storm

tears for "yerushalayim shel zahav", mr smear's shofar obsession, finding good french nursery rhymes, taking mr smear to kirstenbosch quite late, seeing the traffic and heading to the farmer's market instead; a pleasant time, a shocked smoothie seller repeating incredulously to other customers that microwaves are safe, running into sailor's (now-ex?) girlfriend finding homes for dogs, coming home for nap time, gd's successful mexican take on hummus, taking mr smear for a walk with my mom, an exquisitely distressing episode of stranger things (pollywog), giving up on watching ufc 217, working on my JSON/CSV converter

sunday 5th:

finally finishing at 2am but taking an hour to publish the damned thing before going to bed, then being dragged out of bed four hours later completely incapable of doing more than lying uncomfortably and uselessly on the couch

a slow start to the day, going to kirstenbosch with my mom, forgetting to lock the car until after we'd ordered lunch, a serious vegan spread at the tea room, a fun stroll back and playing happily in the water until mr smear picked up a splinter

arriving home napping but waking up immediately, tired but feeling good after sunshine and nature

sailor, mr smear and the wookie, flower advancement (what a stunning game), putting mr smear to bed and eating too much (gd made chilli) and everybody pleasantly relaxed
stranger things
i thought i'd seen fat, sick and nearly dead before, really interesting

monday 6th:

going to bed at midnight just as the wind began gusting, waking up at alarm time for a straightforward morning until drop off time, then struggling to get all gd's visa documents together and finally realizing we're still waiting for some from pretoria... heading to my mom's to work, picking up mr smear, back to my mom's to work some more, back home in heavy winds thinking i was going to return to visit our friend but gd's végépaté needed more time to cook; work and play then rushing off to my mom's for a video conference

encountering heavy traffic, passing a parking spot and not being able to open the gate, being forced to go around and fortunately finding another one that had just opened up, bounding up the stairs to set up my machine and put the kettle on, pressing "connect" and then receiving a phone call to tell me the meeting was postponed...

struggles with mr smear (he was having a reaction to something and the allergex combined with a missed nap made him a bit stoned), putting him to bed, watching the end of fat, sick and nearly dead (brilliant, and a bit surprising), then another episode of stranger things (amazing), then working

tuesday 7th:

until 1am, up at alarm time again and getting through the morning, dropping gd off along with mr smear and then coming home to pass out for another hour waking up to reliving trauma from my canadian immigration experience and my first employer there (megaman's bullshit), shopping and chugging coffee, picking up mr smear and having an interesting conversation about languages, bullying and kid's television with an old high-school buddy

stressing about a rash on his back (prompting an early shower), working while he napped on the couch with music drowning out the construction noise, overall an indoors afternoon until we dropped gd off at her conversion class then finished dinner before starting the bedtime ritual: the evening had some unpleasant parts but was mostly positive, although by the time he was in bed i was *done*

watching a bit of the truth about alcohol, trying to rest behind gd but rls dragging me half-asleep into child pose on the floor after gd had ice-sprayed me

wednesday 8th:

still tired but better
me smear: the water boy ringleader. he's figured out he can get other kids to do his dirty work for him.
my haircut
rushed fix at bootlegger, no time to tip
picking up mr smear pretty quickly, returning to my mom's to work, an interesting movember argument
taking mr smear for a walk with his bike, a little tension with our friend's kids, fireman's pole technique improvement, rushing home slowly, almost leaving the bike twice and threatening to leave him once, borrowing my mom's gate remote just in time and joining a conference call with some Big Deals five minutes late
a long call, some awkwardly ill-prepared moments and hurting my cracked heels
home for throwing-toys-outside, shower, and bedtime; with a little successful moment during a tantrum getting mr smear to stop crying at me because he didn't like me crying back at him. sadly that hasn't worked again.
half of an amazing stranger things episode, then a short meeting followed by a couple of hours adjusting a diagram while fighting the urge to do anything but

thursday 9th:

going to bed just before 1am

tank girl's death, sandman and me mourning her passing over her convertible bathtub, her resurrection followed by my waking up face down with no sensation in my arm

a bad night's sleep, another slow morning, feeling overwhelmed and slow and tired and depressed and burned out, a positive therapy session and about twenty minutes playing flower before rushing to pick up mr smear late, getting him to nap on the couch and having very little energy to be productive, figuring out how to create an online visa application (vfs makes you guess the urls), a short period of resting and working before taking mr smear to the park for twenty minutes, wet paint that i'd thought was bird droppings and swings and then returning home to shower and dinner and brushing teeth before handing him over to my mother

a fascinating look at where modern orthodox judaism went wrong, stranger things and rick and morty before diving into service fabric

friday 10th:

until 00.45

up super early and super tired, getting mr smear to school late again and heading straight to my mom's, forgetting my key but fortunately not needing it. a surprise job interview that i'd forgotten i'd agreed to, not sure how interested i am but there were some amusing awkward moments

struggling to get service fabric to do basic things - it's excellent when it works, but half the time it just doesn't - picking up mr smear (the car pleasantly like a sauna) and arriving home utterly drained, slugging down the remainder of my morning coffee (which was most of it) and returning to my mom's to crash on the couch for fifteen minutes before digging back in to service fabric until the end of my workday, with a fifteen minute break to be impressed by the codility demo test

buying a parking remote for my mom's, coming home to a grumpy family (apparently there were problems with the nanny) and vegan meringues that had flopped into flat toffee, taking mr smear to the park, finally meeting the israeli family from mr smear's best friend's class, mr smear taking a tumble while i was on the phone with horseman and combining legitimate crying with a tantrum that made me take him home and even crack open a beer once he finally calmed down... which was about fifteen minutes later...

my mom and her greek friend stopping over for drinks, chinese takeout for dinner, putting mr smear to bed and stumbling out of his room completely empty

the disappointment in louis ck (of all people) turning out to be a sex offender, making it through an episode of stranger things then going to bed with a phantom itch (psychosomatic or fleas?)

saturday 11th:

a horrible night, restless, uncomfortable and with two incidents of mr smear yelling "nooooo!" in his sleep (the second one leading to us getting up at 6am)

a slow morning, then preparing to go to the temple, dropping gd off and heading to the pharmacy but mr smear sleeping through the experience to make it especially uncomfortable

mr smear waking up in a stupor saying "i wanna eat ice cream", i told him that hummus was even better before giving him some and he wolfed it down happily

a decent temple morning, uncomfortable changing station, mixed feelings about a new friend

trying to go to the vegan market and turning back halfway, trying to induce nap time and failing, straining to handle a bored and tired toddler while exhausted and eventually (around 3pm) taking mr smear out in his stroller hoping he'd fall asleep, regretting that decision because he didn't sleep and the stroller interfered with doing other stuff he might have enjoyed; he wasn't interested in running on the promenade, tried to throw his cap at some ducks and then got pushy with another two year old on a slide. the evening wasn't too bad, though, sailor came over for a while (it was really cool that mr smear picked up that he needed hugs and gave him a few) and then i joined him, a coworker of his and protoplasm at a really nice (but remarkably expensive) sushi restaurant which had some delicious vegan sides and plenty of sake (which was our primary reason for being there)

lots of fun talk - probably quite inappropriate for almost any other group on a saturday night


sunday 12th:

4.30am where the fuck does this "not my bed" shit come from all of a sudden?! managing to get him down again and sneaking out with my heart in my throat

waking up really well at 7.30 and then mr smear rushing out of the living room screaming and not calming down until we put on his favourite show - but we still have no idea what caused the freak out in the first place

spirited away after dr horrible's sing-along blog stopped streaming, getting ready to take mr smear somewhere and having the morning thoroughly soured by a misunderstanding gone wrong

a pleasant visit to the aquarium, mr smear's luck with the coin-op on the way out, lunch on a step, enjoying a live band in nobel square and mr smear loving the slide there and making a bunch of friends before my mom brought her friend and gd for lunch

a disappointing make-your-own bowl that had potential, but i wouldn't have been able to enjoy it anyway as mr smear was tired, irritable and not hungry; he was very cute falling asleep singing b-i-n-g-o though

nap time, then coffee and taking mr smear on a big shopping mission, a pleasant evening with good food and lots of playfulness, putting him to bed and settling in for more stranger things - so damned good!

watching the seinfeld special just to make sure that my low rating was warranted, ending up passing in and out of consciousness on a suddenly uncomfortable couch (gd's noticed it too)

monday 13th:

1.30am woken from a weird dream where a french man caring for a women in a wheelchair who was relearning to read after a car accident in which her husband was killed taught me the funny song he'd made up about the event in front of her

4am smacking the cup of water next to me with my pillow after hours of restlessness, narrowly missing the sockets on the extension cord for my bedside lamp; sitting on the floor developing anxiety over the thought of getting into a swimming pool to actually swim for the first time in many years

4.30-5.30: clearing my inbox instead of taking the opportunity to be really productive

going back to bed, just beginning to get comfortable as mr smear woke up (as always), catching up on the couch, a mostly pleasant morning once i was up (even getting a little work done), dropping gd off at the chiropractor and mr smear at school, rushing home to let the nanny in, off to my mom's to work, being pretty productive until lunch time

taking about an hour to get mr smear out of the school, dropping him off at home and eating quickly before spending a couple more hours working then coming home to finally validate my azure troubles with a coworker that SxS has been assuring me we just me

taking mr smear for a fun walk to the playground, a pleasant evening and finishing season two of stranger things after putting mr smear to bed: they nailed it, i kinda hope they don't do another season.

work, a few distractions, this.

tuesday 14th:

and now bed.

Wednesday, November 08, 2017

movember: a public service announcement

movember, the month of masculinity when men grow amusing facial hair to remind other men to find someone to stick a finger up their bums to find out if they've managed to give themselves cancer yet with the meat-heavy diets they've been manipulated to believe make them more manly.

you know what's manly? eating food that doesn't give you cancer, and being healthy enough to take care of your family and have cash to burn on good experiences and educations instead of meds and medical procedures and funerals.

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

all hallows' eve

monday 23rd:

marc maron's too real is brilliant, in bed at 2.20am with a very sore hand

waking up painfully slowly until diaper change stress turned psychostorm, getting gd and mr smear to where they needed to be then taking so long to get to my mom's that it was time to pick gd up already (damned forgotten keys), a long talk in the car and then returning to my mom's to fail to get the city of cape town on the line, picking up mr smear, stopping home for lunch and then walking with mr smear and the nanny until my mom's, a short while later they joined me for mr smear's nap because the construction at home was too much but just as the arrived my mom's neighbours fired up their hammers and drills so it was only marginally better

a struggle with CORS but eventually succeeding, returning home for a dinner while on a conference call - not ideal - and shower, eventually putting mr smear to bed and finally finishing the 500 hats of bartholomew cubbins with him for the first time

the anticlimactic realization that game of thrones season 7 has only seven episodes, fighting with videotron about an unpaid invoice, working until late

tuesday 24th:

up painfully early but with the ends of spirited away, my neighbour totoro and howl's moving castle, hustling mr smear to school then taking a little down time before dropping gd of at the mall and working to good beats until pickup time

managing to get mr smear to the car in record time only to have to go all the way back to the classroom to change him. watching him and a friend's kid and losing them both on the playground, panicking and eventually finding him coming around from the dark side of the jungle gym, picking up gd and parking with him snoozing in the back, but unfortunately waking him when we got home; a slow afternoon entertaining and working

fedex telling me not to worry when i expressed concern that the package we were waiting for went from cape town to johannesburg, then at 5.30pm receiving an update to the effect that the documents had been sent to the wrong address. it didn't help that the african contact number they have listed is invalid :/

evening meal while gd stewed about the insensitive pharmacists (is it really necessary to be douchey and judgemental?)

dropping gd off at her class and bringing mr smear back home, unable to interest him in dinner, showering and putting him to bed with two short books and pretzels and getting a magical "daddy? i love you" when i turned the light off

... and ten minutes later he was yelling for the living room...

... and three and a half hours later i crawled out of bed after lying for a while in discomfort...

wednesday 25th:

adding a fun feature before crashing at 2.30am, up at 6.45 to zombie-state put on spirited away

a mostly pleasant morning until mr smear needed a timeout and gd and i had a shattering fight about discipline, a breakdown and taking mr smear to school and coming home for an hour and a half communicating: i'm forced to acknowledge that i'm sick, and that i need anger management. i cannot distinguish between myself and the behaviour i use to protect myself, when i feel antagonized i completely disconnect from all emotions save rage and hurt. i don't even know where right ends and wrong begins. i don't know how to prioritize threats and i don't know how to adjust my responses accordingly.

why is it often so much harder to understand and accept that our behaviour is harming ourselves and others than it is to change it?
sorting out the police clearance delivery with an excellent fedex courier, struggling to get work done before going to pick up mr smear; a little play time with his best friend and his sister, coming home for lunch then walking to my mom's with him and the nanny and settling down to work, making great progress which i completed on returning home; continuing to work while gd and mr smear whiled away a cold and windy afternoon

a mostly-smooth bedtime, the last episodes of big mouth (magnificent from start to finish), crashing early (9.30pm)

thursday 26th:

4am hammering waking us, a restless couple of hours then giving up and getting up to start the day with a stiff neck

learning that the bubonic plague is still alive and threatening south africa

mr smear coughing himself awake, lots of duplo fun and then the usual until dropping him off at school, racing over to town to install an insurance tracker and leaving pissed off because i could've gotten it done if they'd just told me what to prepare beforehand

an emotional therapy session

taking mr smear to nü while gd discussed jewish shamanism with the rabbi
the car key crumbling on our visit to the chiropractor, a nap with boxing tire practice taking place noisily below mr smear's window, a long accountant conversation, the challah bake with and without mr smear and being super awkward saying goodbye to my hebrew teacher

gd's awesome first challah

friday 27th:

early morning hebrew songs
looking at shoes and a big grocery shopping eating up my workday
twenty minutes of work then picking up mr smear
an emergency pick n pay run for nothing (empty shelves)
the forgotten stroller remembered just as i parked outside my mom's
fifteen minutes to charge my phone and fix a bug before rushing out to waze on a rapidly-emptying battery
the intro meeting with the anger management guy a background check, a third shopping on the way home, a fourth shortly after
evening planning stress while trying to get some work done and entertain mr smear while gd baked
friday night dinner
absolutely buggered

saturday 28th:

early up, gd struggling, a stupidly hot day, arriving at an empty temple already half an hour late before learning that we were supposed to be in wynberg; waze failing but arriving reasonably fast, mr smear behaving really well (and crying impressively quietly when he bashed his temple against a pew), eating lunch in the car, driving home and taking advantage of mr smear's nap - even managing to sleep after he woke up as gd occupied him with the dr horrible soundtrack.

a fun, quick visit to the park next door, shopping with dirty trolleys, tipping badly balanced bottles at the liquor store

a braai at the temple, the kids keeping each other busy and connecting the parents, a really nice havdalah ceremony and coming home really late but with mr smear still awake so showering and reading him to bed (and allowing him two bananas, but no beigelleh)

finishing an episode of elementary (loved it), then scribbling this until 23.25

sunday 29th:

working until 2.30am

dreaming: "old mcgrampa had a meth lab"

a beautiful summer's morning, gd still struggling but joining me in taking mr smear to clifton 4th. feeling fine until a few minutes before we left, then a short period of acid reflux and a sinus headache before meds kicked in, grabbing the last parking spot before realizing we had no cash for the parking attendant

a super hot and beautiful day with the water forming a little kid's pool, being joined by mr smear's best friend, mr smear joyfully screaming "i NEED the sea!" while bounding in naked-nuts-deep to the freezing water, his friend throwing sand in his face and my taking the opportunity to walk him through the correct response

keeping the kids awake to play at primi piatti, then home for a serious nap; i couldn't nap, so i played some (unsuccessful) command&conquer instead (i'm really not very good)

getting through the evening, some parts easier than others, and being so tired by the time my mom arrived that i forgot she was there and left the toilet door open while peeing

shower (don't drink grey water, boy!), bedtime, a bit of stranger things 2 and a junk food pigout and serious rls

monday 30th:

interrupted dreams, exhausted waking, tissue box emergency stress, barely eating half my breakfast
a boiling hot day, lots of driving so it was great having taken a bunch of psytrance cds along, dropping off mr smear at school then racing home to print documents and take gd to the hairdresser, getting an hour of offline work done while waiting then taking her to see a neurologist in pinelands, dropping her off and rushing straight back to pick up mr smear and take him home to the nanny before rushing straight back to pick up gd then race home to drop her off before heading out to a job interview at century city, only getting trapped by the anti-farm-murder protest on the way and having less than half an hour to get there instead of an hour and with no battery for waze (so i had to borrow gd's phone)

arriving *just* on time but struggling to find parking, a not-unpleasant interview experience (although it would have been nice to have been offered water or coffee), then returning home in easier traffic to sit and finally finish my breakfast before mr smear woke up, then working, visiting the chiropractor and grocery shopping until dinner time; a very nice and simple dinner together, a positive shower and tooth-brushing experience and only a little tantruming before bedtime reading; gd going straight to bed and me watching half of get carter before getting back to work

tuesday 31st:

almost paying off one of our credit cards (i'll be jumping for joy when it's both of them, and when we'll be able to start making local purchases instead of paying international charges on every bloody charge), working well until taking a break to write this and now jumping back in

Monday, October 23, 2017

another month bites the dust

thursday 5th:

1.20am finally testing a working solution after days of hunting, then entering a rabbit hole of encryption details to ensure that it's safe as well

1.50am finally being able to go to bed after struggling to back up my code and update SxS

a diaper change while half asleep and then handing mr smear over to gd to stay in bed almost until 8

great project success (exciting!), leaving late for kirstenbosch and mr smear falling asleep in the car so enjoying lunch at cavendish instead

the long drive home, trying to lie down and being jump-started by an out of control diaper change shower, coffee and work before taking mr smear for a stroll

old schoolmates and their kids, generally pleasant and i hope i didn't come across too strong when discussing food choices

the rush to feed mr smear before heading to the spur without gd to meet cousins i haven't seen in years, my mom giving me some time to eat and converse but mr smear becoming more wound up as it crept further past his bedtime

home, quickly putting him to bed then diving into recruiter responses then documentation

friday 6th:

eventually turning in around 1am

up early and resting on the couch desperate for actual sleep and not managing; getting gd to the chiropractor, picking up my now seriously cool shirts* and sending mr smear off with his nanny before catching up with a glorious couple of hours dreaming insanely weird and wonderful dreams (why was the business owner's mother getting off the gynaecologist's table in the promotional video? what was the point of the dancer in the elephant costume?)

* which after a couple of wears have proven to be shitty quality prints after all. ****er.

a little work while determining whether mr smear would nap of not, then joining a group of parents at the grifizzi brothers animal-free circus for a really fun afternoon; not all the kids enjoyed it, but our whole family most certainly did (i'm a bit of a fan, now)

mr smear passing out on the way home, us deciding on an easy night with game of thrones, work and command & conquer (got to the point i got stuck when i played it in my teens)

saturday 7th:

mr smear singing in his sleep

and then it was 2am...

and then it was 6am... struggling, early emergency shopping downer, arriving at the temple for the last five minutes of the service, super awkward with an old high school substitute teacher, an inappropriate reaction concerning my father and an unnecessarily harsh response to the offer of cheesecake

a brilliant call to try the museum and enjoying the company gardens with an israeli family and the squirrels and doves

nap time (thanks, sneaker pimps), a new frankenstein series and lunch, no idea what happened between then and mr smear waking up, a very interesting chat with sailor and his enthusiasm for my nursery rhyme project, mr i-don't-wanna-go-outside-i'm-drawing, a freak gust of wind at the park but mr smear sliding alone, jungle-gyming like a pro, inspiring a new rhyme reboot (helicopter blades), then peaceably coming home when i realized his favourite part of the jungle gym was covered in ice cream

the jerk parked on the pedestrian crossing and me responsibly walking away from a fight i really wanted (physically, not verbally)

mr smear's dinner and bedtime prep, then trying and failing to watch spiderman: homecoming, eventually giving up and resuming guardians of the galaxy 2

sunday 8th:

up early, howl's moving castle and watching mr smear happily drawing

a big and uncomfortable discussion about what to do if cape town runs out of water

taking mr smear to kirstenbosch, being extra careful about the sun and using plenty of sunscreen but still getting burned, ending a long walk by grabbing another kid's balloon, driving home yawning while mr smear slept soundly, enjoying his nap, a lazy-ish afternoon, my mom coming over for bedtime, spiderman: homecoming (definitely my favourite spiderman) and working well

monday 9th:

until 1am, waking up 6 as if i'd unslept to "butterfly!" whines and cries, a couple of hours on the couch before i was able to function, dropping off mr smear, really struggling to be productive and eventually napping (a lot longer than planned because the first attempt failed), getting a little work done then dropping gd off at the chiropractor and hanging around the school with mr smear until she was done

two or three hours until mr smear finally went down (to a lullaby of his choosing: b. i. n. g. o.), but managing a few important phone calls and getting some work done anyway

my sister's birthday: her daughter's gift to her was announcing that i'm going to be a great uncle soon! and my sister's going to be a biker granny!

a telephone interview beginning with me stopping the call to extract apple skin from mr smear's teeth (YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!), but very interesting nonetheless, mr smear helping me shop and ending the day realizing that if it wasn't for school he'd have been in front of the telly all day - although in our defense he spent a fair amount of time leveling up his drawing skills and we're very proud that he started (by himself!) trying to colour in inside the lines and was largely successful ^_^

game of thrones s7e6 was exquisitely painful

completing a milestone and crashing before midnight

tuesday 10th:

6.30am slightly-better-than-zombie-state, crazy baby rhymes and the demented soccer ball people, postponing my laser hair removal until march due to excessive sun exposure, noticing that my greying beard is looking more and more like muttonchops, a busy and productive morning, picking mr smear up and teaching his teacher a bit about nutrition, his traumatic best friend goodbyes

work and paint tool struggles (gimp plugins are hard work), test driving the car and deciding to go with it (!)

taking mr smear to the park in the blazing sun to play with his friend from earlier, feeling like i was saying too much to his mother, awkwardly avoiding a milk product that she was sure would be fine (people just don't understand how pervasive dairy is, it's in EVERYTHING), coming home and getting things - including work- done, gd really struggling with her neck, CRA fail

game of thrones still surprised me with the things that i thought had been spoiled before

finally getting my paint tools sorted out and learning about bleed

wednesday 11th:

calling it a day at 1am, two hours after i knew i needed to go to bed

up repeatedly for a long four hours (lots of interrupted interesting dreams), 6am wake up breaking me but gd managing to give me an hour or so of unbroken rest

the relief that gd's fingerprints were received and accepted, another excited recruiter contact, a misty morning used to deliver printworthy documents

picking up mr smear and gd (acupuncturist) together, dr horrible following us from the car to the living room, mr smear eating gd's chickpea and spinach curry, lego grip slip jeopardizing nap time, a short but helpful nap, then an afternoon navigating bureaucracy (south african for our nanny - "just go to our website", canadian for our taxes "email within the next couple of years")

groceries (wedding ring included, i caught it in time to hand it back)

gd in trouble, surviving the evening

thursday 12th:

gd still in trouble

better sleep, visiting glendale (highly emotional moment and some really awkward ones), everything conspiring to wake mr smear from his nap when we got home, my first print trial in production, mr smear loving his first slide but too nervous for the second, rushing home to let sailor in and then dragging him out again to bootlegger (an interesting and productive meeting and mr smear enjoying himself immensely), mom paying for our car (!), dropping gd off at home and taking mr smear for a run through the waterfront before returning home to eat, shower and manage mr smear's last breastfeeding

friday 13th:

sleeping well in short blocks trying to get up to work, succeeding at 4am and working hard, continuing even after mr smear woke up and joined me

gd going to the doctor, the nanny taking mr smear out just as she returned and after he made me so angry it took all i had to a) not give him a beating* and b) calm down after he got the message that i was really mad

* the final straw was him throwing his toothbrush into a bin filled with toilet trash

a disheartening chat with my accountant, a quick review of options with my mom, lots of work and mistaken commit fixing and my mom signing for the car and finally returning the rental in friday afternoon traffic, picking up the new car so tired i was hallucinating (thank the dealership for the water and coffee)

a comfortable drive home, shopping, family kiddush and the first bedtime without breastfeeding since he was born (a little sadness but no drama)

a very short nap until rls (or sciatica, or whatever the hell is wrong with my legs), then being responsible until midnight (okay, a little c&c too - finally completing the first commando mission!)

saturday 14th:

sleeping badly and pinching a nerve in my neck, spending the rest of the night trying to sort it out and waking up with painful lower back too

a day of lost patience and perspective, the rabbi's son's barmitzvah, afternoon nap

liquorice paternity test passed

meeting cousins at my mom's and mr smear eating all my sorbet, mistakenly hosting another cousin instead of visiting her, dinner difficulties but an easy bedtime with an unintentionally long dr seuss book

finally seeing ant man, which was surprisingly entertaining, then settling in to learn about hashicorp's vault before crashing

sunday 15th:

waking up to a snappy morning and feeling like crap, a very unpleasant way to take mr smear to the aquarium, a long but overall good time there, him eating half a falafel laffa and passing out on the way home; the new car's dimensions are taking some getting used to and i was sure i bumped the back leaving

kind of napping (restless), followed by an explosion that had been building for a while, taking a walk, talking through it and grabbing a cup of coffee at my mom's on my way home

meeting protoplasm and his partner for drinks at quay four, mr smear possibly causing a waitress to drop full glasses, but definitely breaking mine directly with his toy car

mr smear interfering with my rice and vegan korma dinner, which was only mildly annoying until he poured a cup of juice into it; i was so tired and weary and it really made me want to cry

a pleasant shower and bedtime, the rest of the thor sequel (try saying that ten times fast), passing out early

monday 16th:

waking up around 1am and spending a couple of hours investigating hashicorp's consul, a couple of hours sleeping, another early morning and mr smear snotty so no school

working at bootlegger waiting for gd, shopping, home, shopping again, then driving to the printer to pick up my book sample - really not bad, but not amazing either

picking up garlic bread that i wouldn't eat (does it have to be made with real butter?), buying plasticware and dropping everything off before heading to my mom's to work

making good progress but having to rush home in cold, wet and windy weather without a warm layer, then taking mr smear to a friend's to play; the older child pushing mr smear roughly, but otherwise just an hour or two of playing and talking before rushing home in time to catch my mom teaching gd about eggplants

showering in a bucket, mr smear's "police car" issue interfering with bedtime, a loooong good night, work demo, dc's legends of tomorrow and crashing

tuesday 17th:

up at five to hunt down a phantom hammer, a horrific dream in which mr smear drowned followed by another sneaking around a container ship with steve-o and peter dinklage diving in water tanks and gaming the security guards

a swollen and painful wrist (the return of the repetitive stress injury exacerbated by lifting a squirmy mr smear and heavy buckets of water)

it would be nice if being a man had protected me from being sexually harassed or assaulted. the fact that "i can take care of myself" didn't make the experiences any less unpleasant and violating, and i believe that for women it's so much worse.
it's so prevalent, but we don't really see or feel it without this kind of concerted effort.
it was my own experiences in my late teens that made me acutely aware of how my own behaviour, which i'd innocently believed was cute and harmless, was not. if you see something, stand up against it. if you hear about something, support the victim by listening, not by justifying. be prepared to lose teeth for this, our children are next.
posting that on tuesday brought up a couple of incidents, one in particular of me being surprised and overpowered by a very large man and barely being able to break away mumbling some meaningless excuse; yesterday i learned that a guy i used to hang out with a lot went from run-of-the-mill "asshole" to sexual predator and life destroyer.

shared excitement with gd in an idea combining judaism, shamanism and cycles


intense jackhammer work beginning as i put mr smear down for his nap, fortunately it was only about 75-80 decibels

our c# expert trying soften the blows while explaining my mistakes to me, infuriating git issues and a busy, bored and restless child

dropping gd off at the temple, the oven taking so long to heat up that i could only feed mr smear at around 8pm; shower, bedtime story, and then saying good night as the hammering started

shouting at the assholes continuing to hammer at 9pm, one of them daring to tell me "we're not idiots" and getting an earful in return, including me yelling at him to go tell his mother what he's doing to other people because i'm sure she'd be proud

gd coming home and us learning that videotron never closed our account when we left canada and expects us to pay for their mistake (we confirmed that we had closed the account before we left and returned their equipment)

a long meeting, enjoying antonio banderas in security, then investigating azure solutions

wednesday 18th:

until 1.30am

the usual, dropping mr smear off and chatting with a friend about child psychology, picking up gd and heading to the waterfront for gift books (who titles a book "turtles all the way down" without referencing the discworld?!), a passable vegan muffin (and a free smoothie voucher), leaving in good time and being stuck behind a few idiots all the way to the chiropractor; taped wrist, pinched back, a recommendation to swim.

the rental tribunal's bad timing, picking up mr smear and heading home. waking up from a nap needing it more desperately than before, eventually going to my mother's to work for an hour or so, coming home in a rush and gd deciding not to take the now-napping mr smear to the triple birthday party

a very interesting interview over coffee at the waterfront, getting through the evening with my mom bringing sorbet, reading mr smear to sleep, dc's legends of tomorrow and chocolate and liquorice

the police authorizing 11.30 hammering

azure investigations

thursday 19th:

until 1am

a chilled morning, getting mr smear to school late, picking up an emergency allergex bottle and taking it to his teacher before returning home; i have no idea how i got into or out of the parking without hitting the cars in front or behind me

briefly home then taking gd to the chiropractor, where he stuck a couple of needles in my arm while treating her, then back home to receive a document from the car dealer before returning to the school to pick up mr smear

a badly failed attempt to instigate a nap, a long afternoon, taking mr smear to buy diapers, ride on the blue train and some little girl's bike, get him ready to hand over to my mother and then head to the temple with gd for her class

an amusing hebrew class and a fascinating bible class, coming home to the remains of dinner and a fight triggered by not debating an article by a black cop deconstructing black lives matter

friday 20th:

passing out at 12.30 from exhaustion

really struggling with my wrist, waking up early and sleeping on the couch until the nanny arrived, showering mr smear before class with much tears

working at my mom's, picking up mr smear and returning a for sudden, painful migraine and difficulty with cookies and CORS - i originally wrote migraine, meaning "painful headache", but it turned into a very serious one that left me utterly debilitated; i barely managed the walk home, threw up a lot and couldn't help gd with mr smear in the slightest. the nausea and dizziness subsided in the evening, the pain would only start relaxing in the morning

saturday 21st:

getting out of bed around midnight, tired but restless, for an episode of big mouth, toast and patton oswalt: annihilation which is an absolute must-see

a morning on the couch, dropping gd at the temple and taking myself and mr smear to the doctor who checked me out and gave me advice for managing migraines, fifteen minutes paying for the parking guard to learn how to charge me with snapscan, then fifteen minutes of buying bananas with a baby and locked up express queues, then finally! getting to the temple to pick up gd and go to the blue train

not going to the blue train because of a cold wind, but picking up bread and smoothies and coming home to nap with jackhammers at our windows

patton oswalt again and more big mouth, mr smear getting up *as* i lay down, lunch (starting with begged-for sorbet with a portion that ended in tears), gd and mr smear going on the blue train before i dropped her back home (still too cold) and took him to the aquarium for a good experience that would have been so much better if it hadn't been for the coin-op distraction

a little walk around to smoke other people's cigarettes, then back home stopping only briefly for an emergency extraction of dried mango from the bag and getting stuck chasing after mr smear on the parking lot rooftop for a while

late dinner and mom's visit, shower and bedtime and mr smear not impressed by my not finishing the whole book but eventually falling asleep anyway

the end of a stephen king movie, big mouth excellence and a bit of marc maron: too real

going to bed around 11pm with concern for an episode on the other side

sunday 22nd:

up early with a very bored, curious and naughty boy, mr smear sneaking onto the balcony and causing a panic fight, flower for the ps3, strawberry farm anxiety, clothing breakdown
a stupidly hot day
keeping mr smear awake until we got to my mom's shop, learning that tool manufacturers are tools, and whoever made pozidriv so similar to phillips is a piece of crap. why don't we learn this stuff in school?
vida's new "falafels" taste like it's made by someone who's heard of falafel and knows it's made of chickpeas but has neither seen or tasted it
a visit to my aunt's, mr smear thoroughly loving the swimming pool (i hope their water's coming straight off the mountain)
home to nap and work, then grocery shopping (checkers was out of a bunch of things, a manager made gd take some violife), watching asterix in britain, shower (inverting the bucket system made it easier and distracted mr smear) and dinner and bedtime

half an hour of "why didn't you finish dr seuss?" from my son (it's a bloody long book, that's why), big mouth (still phenomenal) and watermelon, then work

monday 23rd:

and then some posting. now a few more minutes of marc maron and bed.

Thursday, October 05, 2017

school holidays part i

monday 2nd:

intense dreams (being sniped by a jiujitsu expert before fighting him off while scrambling up a ladder, finding and enjoying old coffee mugs and a sun-warmed old toasted sandwich)

dragged out of bed for breakfast and dr horrible's sing-along blog, a little inside out, a second sleep with more intense dreams (a potential landlord at a bar mitzvah taking me aside to inform me that he was sold out of A3 card paper)

aaaaaaaand SUMMER. hot and personal about it. dropping gd off at the acupuncturist and taking mr smear along for a shopping run, taking him home for his nap, meeting up with gd and sorting out t-shirts for both of us then stopping at my mom's to compulsively gobble down spoon after spoon of painfully cold sorbet

working until the weather switched back to winter then taking mr smear to the park to ride around with our friend's kids and explore their dynamic (not sure it's healthy, but keeping a close eye on them), home for dumplings and bedtime

dragon's den and passing out, trying to wake up repeatedly throughout the night but exhausted and uncomfortable (back pain)

tuesday 3rd:

up early for dr horrible's sing-along blog and inside out, then sitting down to work but being constantly distracted, eventually giving up and taking the family to the aquarium: a brilliant idea during school holidays in bad weather :P

overall quite fun, mr smear eating well (great falafel and coconut yoghurt smoothie), home to a warm nap, finally getting up with coffee but still really weary; work progress, t-shirt printing disappointment (was he having a stroke when he did the alignment? three shirts wasted)

dinner, work, shower, mom arriving, the hackerx event beginning awkwardly but turning out to be quite interesting, returning home around 10pm and chilling a bit before working some more

wednesday 4th:

going to bed around 2am after a couple of breakthrough moments

waking up at 6am unable to think of anything other than the coming experience of dealing with the shirt printer

a little bit more sleep, joining mr smear for breakfast, dropping gd off at the chiropractor and heading to the shirt printer. you know that moment when you realize the precise thing you needed to say but it's too late to say it? he gave me a sob story about how my making him deduct the cost of the wasted shirts from the printing price would reduce his salary, as if the cost of his incompetence should come out of mine! delivering new shirts for a second chance, preparing mr smear for a hard day of park, sending him off with the nanny and then settling in for a few good hours of work - three straight hours, followed by another two hours because he arrived home napping, and i suddenly realized i'd been sitting for a LONG time instead of my usual up and down and my back was beginning to hurt... but i had a few important successes even if part of my achievement was learning that i have to rethink how i've been using node.js crypto's AES offerings :/

gd's delicious burned banana bread, an interesting and amusing visit to the park, straight to the temple in my shorts and flip flops for sukkot, mr smear playing nicely with a little girl, then kicking the soccer ball around with the bigger kids and having a ton of fun until one of them knocked him over, late dinner and remembering which episode of game of thrones we're on (with subtitles!) and back into work; i've just finished verifying my RSA solution and am now about to either dig in to the AES problem or go to bed.

Monday, October 02, 2017

prejudice and pride

monday 18th:

waking up GNT (gross nose & throat) and struggling (also very tired), dropping mr smear off at school then coming home to suck a lozenge and nap, waking up and realizing that i should've been taken sinusitis meds for days already...

getting a little work done, then picking up mr smear and getting out relatively quickly. dropping him at home, trying three different print shops for a high-quality scanner with no success, but drawing cash for a microwave repair to pawn it for the same amount...

gd's revelation (finding a new passion), working and waiting for mr smear to wake up to take him for a playdate with his class best friend; he was miserable until we arrived, although temporarily distracted by the dr horrible soundtrack

taking immense pride in mr smear's relaxed response to another kid's roughhousing and in his immediate sympathy when his little buddy cried (sorry! are you okay?), and missing a classic embarrassing wedding video opportunity when one climbed on the other and yelled "you're my wife" (two year olds!!); a generally pleasant chat with the parents (not our kind of people, but pretty cool nonetheless)

missing a work meeting (feeling pretty uncomfortable and unprofessional for losing track of time), but coming home to the illustrator's revisions and feeling thoroughly satisfied and excited because i'm finally ready to start preparing the book for publishing - whoo hoo!!!

getting mr smear ready and into bed, then rushing over to my mom's worried because she wasn't answering her phone (she was fine, and not home), gd falling asleep while waiting for me to finish a quick meeting, a half hour of marc maron's too real, investigating sailor's proposal (very interesting), writing a good chunk of the new fairytale i outlined over the weekend, and working

tuesday 19th:

until 12.45am then going to bed with the cough again; a miserable, uncomfortable night full of coughing and a stuffy nose and tossing and turning, eventually getting up early with mr smear and finding myself more comfortable tired and *not* in bed; mr smear advancing quickly with his ipad-fu, us generally managing to be productive and almost on time for dropping him off and heading into town

a magnificent morning that no camera of mine was going to capture; a very pleasant and professional experience at the printers (orms) and a frustrating and nerve-wracking one coming home through crazy traffic

taking gd to the chiropractor, getting some filing done, picking her up and then doing chores and font selection before returning to the school to pick up mr smear who kindly fell asleep as we arrived home (no thanks to the woman shouting by the elevator, but she responded politely to my rather unsubtle request for consideration

wasting nap time with shopping

gimp doing a great job with cropping and text, but unable to handle cmyk. pixlr doing a great job with cmyk but unable to handle text and doing strange things to the image sizes.

after much frustration taking mr smear to the park where he was very friendly towards kids who clearly weren't used to hearing "hello" from strangers, and where for the first time he slid down the big slide with out prompting or hand holding; plus he did a little acrobatics from the top which was pretty cool. i also introduced him to the fireman's pole, it was great having him jump from above my head into my arms but i'm now nervous that he'll try the distance to the pole itself which he's only kind of understood...

accepting sailor's offer of a crazy but exciting side-gig

bedtime yelling at the boxing instructor downstairs for his stupidly loud music again, mom's visit (still coughing but finally being treated), and an evening of downloading photoshop (legally, my gods adobe's servers are slow), watching an idiot abroad and using gimp to preview the text

wednesday 20th:

struggling with photoshop to export colours correctly, in bed late and sleeping badly, up around 5am to try again while i sorted my nose and throat out, mr smear up at 6 and the three of us passing out and finally sleeping well until alarm o'clock

a pleasant morning, dropping gd off at the acupuncturist and mr smear enthusiastic about getting to school, sending fingerprints and picking up the last remnants of our montréal lives, driving to pick up gd and returning alone to the parking i'd just left as she insisted on walking to meet me, an unpacking and tidying ceremony then rushing off to pick up mr smear

a little rest before the telkom technician arrived then stealing away to the bedroom to work: working from home with a two year old is like playing a game of hide and go seek, only you don't get bored while you wait

no nap and no afternoon outing, getting to the temple on time; mr smear doing fine for a while, then playing quietly, chilling with a childminder, coming back and rushing to join another kid on the platform where he fell and bumped his head to everyone's horror; fortunately it wasn't a biggie and he was pretty relaxed for the rest of the service

rushing home to pick up my forgotten driver's license and change mr smear; he fell asleep on contact with his car seat and spent the evening sleeping like a log on my sister's bed - we actually had dinner eating and chatting with everyone like adults for the first time since he was born!

a lovely evening, following my mom back to sea point and everyone fairly quickly going to sleep

thursday 21st:

not a bad night, but waking up at 6am thoroughly exhausted and trying to catch up on the couch

a long three hours in the temple, mr smear behaving surprisingly well and i only suffered a few coughing fits; he fell asleep in my arms about ten minutes before i went up to read the prayer for israel, my first time speaking in front of a crowd in ages and awkwardly reading it with him still on my shoulder, then being asked personal questions by the visiting rabbi on everyone else's time

dropping a sore and upset gd (she didn't expect such a long service) at home with mr smear and taking off to airplane's place to learn just how little i know about graphic manipulation, then home briefly before a cold wind tashlich at the lighthouse and getting ready for a really nice dinner at my cousins with my sister - this time mr smear engaging until dinner time

that pumpkin pie!

home and bed

friday 22nd:

another 6am, finishing my book's text arrangement, walking mr smear and the nanny to the park, half an hour on the treadmill with a brief period of elation followed by a painful foot (bad running form), a day of trying and failing to create or convert different ebook formats minus an hour of work and another of walking mr smear to see the sea

adobe and the cc fails; having to download legitimate software illegally

dinner with mom, mr smear falling asleep quickly, more ebook struggling and an idiot abroad then crashing before 11pm

saturday 23rd:

the fallout from my mom misspeaking the night before (fortunately resolved the same day), a really nice, intimate and interesting saturday morning service with lots of people commenting on just how well-behaved mr smear is, home for lunch and a nap, mom's visit and finally making progress with epub and pdf formatting just as sailor arrived, a little work and a lot of strategy plus playing with mr smear, hitting the waterfront for birthday present shopping and dinner plus decadent treats from wellness warehouse (although the macha tea was awful) before returning home to eat, shower and put mr smear to bed

gd passing out quickly, working on my book

sunday 24th:

until eventually publishing (but not promoting) just after 2am, only vaguely confident in the quality of the files and the online shop (wordpress isell and who knows what paypal will do) and wondering how amazon reduced the size of my book so drastically (up to 72 hours to find out) [isell works great! and amazon dropping the dpi significantly from print quality still looks great on an ipad]

3am upstairs drunk neighbours' shit music at full blast, 3.30am going up a second time and working hard not to physically climb into those sacks of sociopathic excrement; by that stage our night was done

waking up to my first live offering on the kindle store, gd's back too sensitive to travel and taking mr smear out to polkadraai alone for his friend's birthday party - arriving beyond exhausted and struggling to manage mr smear and deal with other parents for a couple of hours, although some were fun to be around regardless. mr smear's possessiveness of his nanny, running into our first playdate friends, arranging preschool hebrew meetups, slugging down a cup of coffee and driving back home the long way through rough areas (my gods, cape town is an ENORMOUS sprawl), mr smear sleeping most of the way

surviving the afternoon with a little help from my mom, getting through the evening, the last bits of leftovers and an idiot abroad, a little more book / author page tweaking, some investigation into iot and going to bed early

monday 25th:

a few ups in the night for mr smear talking in his sleep, sleeping in a little and starting the day with the dr horrible soundtrack and some games, general unpleasantness, backups, baby city, learning that our shitty neighbours had had a break-in (not sad for them), things getting worse then better, walking mr smear to sleep, a little work before he got up and then gd's first visit to the scratch patch, mr smear a lot easier to manage than the friends we met up with there (gd's concerned that he's trying really hard to befriend a kid that's antisocial), angry clothing shopping (for me, but eventually when i found good trousers gd realized that i wasn't being uncooperative, just selective); coming home for dinner, shower and one last unpleasant episode, then finally settling in to our regular evening routine

working until suddenly finding myself overwhelmed by fatigue and rushing into bed

tuesday 26th:

a marginally better morning, dropping mr smear at school then returning to take gd to acupuncture and head to town for an interesting meeting about my options for digital printing (next stop, lithographers); the rain beginning as i got back into the car, taking gd home and fiddling with image compression before picking up mr smear - starting to be concerned by the behaviour gd noted, we want him to stand up for himself as well as be affectionate and we're only seeing the latter (although he is only two, my gods parenting is tough)

the struggle to get him out the door with his nanny and her return about ten minutes later with him fast asleep, test driving a chev (just like an opel!), taking mr smear for his last vaccines before age six (and damned expensive ones, too, but we only just learned that we had cheaper options): unlike most kids (and pets going to the vet), he had no issues with the place itself, he played nicely and was very chilled. it was only when we put him on my lap on "the chair" that he knew exactly what what was coming and the administration of the three shots was pretty traumatic... but fifteen seconds later he was chilled and playing again.


artisan bread, home for dinner and finally finding a particularly stupid bug that visual studio had introduced into my code that had sent me on a wild goose chase for days

bedtime, a little idiot abroad, an important conversation with sailor (should i have been THAT candid?), rick and morty, mr smear mysteriously unhappy for a while, a little stripe store experimentation and then work

wednesday 27th:

until 12.30am

a pretty standard morning, returning home from dropping mr smear off and finally sitting down with the gap insurance claim form and a support agent on the phone, suddenly realizing that i'd gotten the hospitalization dates wrong* and that it was precisely six months ago to the day and therefore literally the very last day to submit the claim: not helped by frantically searching for the supporting documentation for half an hour when it had been right under my nose beneath the claim form the whole time

* might have something to do with all related parties taking a month to send their bills

picking up mr smear, dropping off gd at the gym, putting mr smear into bed just as the jackhammers fired up, trying to work and really struggling to get my head into it, mr smear waking up just as gd arrived home, the nanny taking him to the park and us going an hour later to relieve her, a little football time and a walk to learn where the horses aren't stabled, home for some shopping, reading, eating, bedtime, an idiot abroad, rick and morty and work

thursday 28th:

storming downstairs twice to complain about midnight construction (i actually asked "did none of you have parents?!")
resolving one set of issues to get stuck in another
1.30am bedtime

6am the hammering resumed, sleeping in a bit and eventually getting up to dr horrible's sing-along blog, dropping mr smear off at school then returning to take gd to the chiropractor and finally coming home and getting some work done

chatting with the "we're just following orders" contracts manager, i told him and later his boss that that's a very nazi attitude to hold

gd walking all the way home, picking up mr smear, an afternoon with an enforced nap (read: me dancing him to sleep) but mostly working and dealing with his defiance - and his new crying-for-everything thing he's picked up at school :(

our neighbour trying to sell us a more-than-just-a-vacuum-cleaner (i wish him luck, but even if we could afford it i'm not sure we'd really want one), bedtime prep and mom's visit at bedtime, a cider and chocolate disturbed by 9pm hammering, working until 11pm then crashing

friday 29th:

making a real effort to avoid waking up with gd and mr smear at 6am, succeeding well enough to dream about researching academic publishing opportunities for my mother and exploring moving to live in another area of cape town (the possibility of which gd would end up raising in the morning in an unrelated conversation)

beginning the day meeting with the preschool principal about removing dairy from the school; a very encouraging discussion as she was very receptive and accommodating

work - back to the struggle integrating microsoft and openssl encryption keys - picking mr smear up early, between a difficult diaper change and a slow uphill taking half an hour to get home

an unpleasant afternoon triggered by a detail mismatch and lasting until evening, a serious sorbet and booze run, mr smear (mostly) helping me shop after waking up from his nap, gd's delicious pre-fast dinner, showering and putting mr smear to bed... going to bed ourselves not long after

saturday 30th:

3am pride and fall

6am back to sleep on the couch

walking mr smear, playing at the park, meeting gd, mr smear falling asleep on the long walk to the temple; all dressed in black and with no kippah on the holiest day of the year - but fasting and repenting honestly nonetheless

walking home, feeling really dizzy and breaking my fast on cold coconut water (a most sensational relief), a quiet afternoon (mr smear guzzling leftovers and falling backwards off the couch)

dropping gd off at the temple, mr smear off at my mom's, a quick and painless ne'ila, a very nice breaking of the fast with lots of good food

sunday 1st:

crashing at midnight, waking up before everyone else at 6.30am

our first non-tv morning in a long time, good breakfast, mr smear's potty milestone (ripping off his diaper and using it correctly) and making a little work progress before heading out to buy pull-ups and enjoy a delicious meal at the hungry herbivore (mr smear demolished my burger!); coming home to take full advantage of nap time, waking up begrudgingly when he did, then going out for a late afternoon stroll / park / blue train ride before returning for the dinner gd had prepared

bedtime prep, a little star trek: discovery then rick and morty before messing about with this post (and trying to do other things in the background; not so successful.

Monday, September 18, 2017

better but with wheezing coughs

thursday 14th:

going to bed just after midnight, sleeping a lot but every short wake up feeling sicker and more sore

tough getting up, waiting in the car while gd dropped mr smear off, an interesting conversation with my tax consultant, taking gd to the chiropractor and hanging around instead of driving back and forth

collecting tax documents until early evening, with breaks to pick up mr smear (did i alienate a class parent when we said goodbye?), shop quickly and bounce him into a nap

dropping gd off at class, my mom joining me in feeding mr smear, psytrance shower (he loved it!), a quick bedtime, fingerprint documents and picking up gd (seeing a very small projector with an enormous display), troubleshooting an IIS installation before chatting with SxS before working

friday 15th:

before climbing into bed around 1.30am

another night of intriguing dreams (rollerblading down crazy hills behind an old friend - the crow - listening to music with headphones), another hard morning starting at 6am

dentist visit, my dry skin finger cracking painfully
telkom's technical support getting my telkom phone number wrong
picking up mr smear then four hours struggling with troubleshooting, tax documents, fingerprint documents, a frustrated child who wouldn't nap and the consequences of responding badly to an impatient cook

mr smear passing out unexpectedly while we got ready for shul, mom taking over and us arriving in time for pre-service meditation, a good service but falling asleep before choking and struggling to sing in key, waking mr smear for dinner, a fun evening, the illustrator "delivering" the work to mixed feelings. the artwork is gorgeous, but how is it that an illustrator doesn't understand "portrait" and "landscape"?!?

saturday 16th:

a very sore tongue going to bed at 1.30am

getting the early slot with the original charlie and the chocolate factory and dr horrible's sing-along blog, absolutely knackered and at some point sleeping a little on the couch

heavy winds all day, car shopping with my mom with interesting results, lots of coughing, delicious wraps from pulp (mr smear thought so too) and a fun chat with a vida regular, a "quick" stop for gd on the way to the waterfront, mr smear largely unimpressed, trying to go to the park but literally being blown back home, an evening in (dr horrible again* and breakdancing), dinner and bedtime then a bit of trainspotting t2 and an idiot abroad before crashing early - almost, i got caught up checking out an interesting parenting book i picked up on sale (It's a Boy!: Your Son's Development from Birth to Age 18) so i only climbed into bed after 11pm

sunday 17th:

a really tough night respiratorily, up at 6am for dinosaur train and not-quite-jenga
a park mission with mr smear's best friend and running into other class parents, late lunch then bouncing mr smear to nap which we could properly take advantage of, resting a bit and getting good work done before he woke up, gd taking extra time so i read with him before we tried out sonic generations and returned to a little goat simulator. waking to gd and leaving alone to do a shopping run, generally successful and including an interesting chat with an old friend, then getting home in time to greet sailor and his girlfriend before jumping in the shower with mr smear and readying him for bed so we could go out for falafel and talk mostly like adults for an hour or two (or in my case, talk and cough awfully). since they left it's been work,

monday 18th:

and very soon, bed. i'm seriously in need of some rest.

* i was becoming concerned about the violence in the show, but after much research it looks like it's quite benign. if i have energy available at some point i'll post more detail.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

in the blink of an eye

monday 11th:

12.45am after doing a lot of nothing (although that nothing did include rewriting an old nursery rhyme)

up at 7am with barely an interruption but mr smear suffering conjunctivitis... taking him to school anyway once we were reasonably sure it'd cleared, going to the gym and running surprisingly well before receiving a call informing us that we'd been wrong - rushing to pick him up, then picking up gd and caring and working for a couple of hours before seeing the doctor

an indoors afternoon, gd's victorious battle against the clique moms, decent work progress, apparently clearing up some confusion with the illustrator, gd over-catering an afternoon snack into too much dinner, the bedtime ritual and passing out halfway through guardians of the galaxy volume 2 which is phenomenally good

tuesday 12th:

2.30am up to double-team mr smear for an hour of eyedrop application trauma and getting him back to sleep, fortunately sleeping a bit later than usual

a long morning, eventually getting to the police station for fingerprinting (every officer claimed the illegible scrawls were clearly readable, wtf?!) and police car watching (there was only one, unfortunately), the postnet for posting (R450 or R20? we'll take the less secure route, thanks), spar for phat fox vegan chocolate mousse (amazing!), a moment laughing uncontrollably face to face with mr smear crying because i ate "his" spoon of mousse, home, trading up a whiteboard for a pad of paper then a big shopping... no almond milk, though, and i had to go through two other stores to find some because of a nationwide shortage. on the way i got out of the car to yell at an old white woman who'd hooted aggressively in my ear after a pedestrian inconvenienced her by legitimately crossing the road; i was so infuriated by that and the fact that her grandchild was in the back that i said some of what i intended and probably garbled the rest

gd wearing down mr smear (and herself in the process), taking him to the park and returning ten minutes later with him fast asleep; settling down to work, trying to help gd quickly, doing something stupid and being chewed out for most of the rest of the napportunity...

... a little work, a rushed park visit and then getting gd to her class almost on time, mr smear upset that i'd only repeat "a brand new day" once but still eating a bit of his dinner, a well-timed pre-shower poop on his behalf leading to bedtime. not smooth, but not too much trouble either

boxing gym music at high volume at 8.30pm

troubleshooting an installation while i developed a sore throat, then sitting down to an idiot abroad and delicious vegan fudge before getting into work

wednesday 13th:

until 1am, going to bed after a couple of failed attempts to manage my throat, intense dreams (taking place in video games)
watching mr smear until the nanny took him outside, working and Getting Stuff Done for most of the day

working at my mom's place in the early afternoon when mr smear wanted to play with me and not the nanny, the battery on my expensive workstation running flat in an hour when my own cheap second-hander from 2013 has more juice
detecting the stench of athlete's foot from a man taking off his shoe about 50m upwind of me
taking mr smear to the waterfront for a quick mission, him sliding around on his belly over bird shit and then squirting boxed guava juice all over himself
cough regression
work / dinner / staring, fascinated at our little boy who's very quickly gone from baby to autonomous little human
the rush from table to breastfeeding with a shower in between
that surreal moment when you manage to convince your two year old to sing himself to sleep
an idiot abroad then work

Monday, September 11, 2017

august and september

friday august 11th:

finally getting a handle on securing files properly before going to bed around 3.15am (as if i hadn't regressed enough during the previous days)

7am up for the spongebob movie: sponge out of water, the more i saw of it the more impressed i became

i smoked cigarettes for a decade, and i know there were times when i smelled so much like an ashtray that *i* could smell it and it bothered me. not enough to quit, but enough to make me regret. if i could go back in time to bring myself vaping equipment, i totally would. what's with all the smokers who haven't switched yet?

dropping off gd at the acupuncturist and mr smear off at school, home for a very short nap then picking up gd, home for some work then picking up mr smear, home for a forgotten asthma pump then to town for a disappointing lunch at kauai with mr smear asleep on my shoulder followed by the two of us doing some compulsive book shopping while gd had her hair cut

home in time for a long security meeting, a pause, a discussion about plant-based lifestyles, and then a serious conversation while alone with mr smear who was very unhappy about not being invited to participate

getting ready for the synagogue, the service less unpleasant than expected (we don't like the opera singer)

saturday 12th:

once up, an early start with gd suffering a bad neck spasm, a very slow morning (and lots of pancakes), taking mr smear to see my uncle and cousin and literally running after him almost non-stop, coming home and making him toasted sandwiches, properly burning the roof of my mouth in the process, keeping him occupied with food, books and dub and eventually thinking i was getting him to sleep but it was actually me falling asleep and then i woke up and found him looking at my half closed eyes unsure of whether or not i could see him... drawing on his plastic table, then his plastic chair, and then finally, after assuring himself that i was out, turning to our table...

slowly making our way to the waterfront, mr smear passing out before we arrived and giving us a chance to peaceably get most of our shopping done and enjoy wellness warehouse's surprisingly good vegan offerings, waking up in time to make the grocery shopping more interesting than it should have been

home, dinner, bedtime; an episode or two of aquarius - absolutely brilliant - then gd went to bed

interrupted texas hold'em, and testing out a cheap but great humble bundle

sunday 13th:

until quite late, sleeping until 8-8.30 and starting the day brilliantly with netflix's ask the storybots, which is like sesame street on steroids, and competing with my son for turns playing geometry dash

all three of us going out to kirstenbosch for a lovely afternoon, picnicking with the "chicken-a-ducks" (guinea foul), mr smear passing out on the way back but waking up on contact with his bed, managing and entertaining mr smear while gd cooked, my mom coming over for coffee and mr smear on form

a little trouble (general naughtiness) post-shower but otherwise getting him into bed fairly quickly, although a coughing fit freaked us out because we still couldn't give him antihistamines

aquarius still at 100% after quite a few episodes, a little geometry dash, lots of research into digital watermarking

monday 14th:

until 1.30am

early up for storybots, dropping mr smear off then coming home to hunt down visa documents, drop gd off at the gym, work a bit, pick up mr smear, watch him walk up stairs by himself with no hands for the very first time, arrive at the gym just in time to catch gd about to walk home because my phone wasn't working, a call to telkom and learning that they hadn't contacted me about my network connection issue because they'd tried to call me while it was failing, a visit with the allergist and 20+ needles (mr smear was NOT impressed), learning that we've been absolutely right about his milk allergy, a visit with the lung specialist immediately afterwards, home for much-needed nap time (and a big bowl of "we're all being poisoned anyway" rice), a visit to the chiropractor, grocery shopping, and finally home

really bad leg and foot discomfort, most likely the sciatica, yokai and a big dinner, mr smear's bedtime, aquarius

our landlord gearing up for a fight

going to bed early with indigestion (in spite of a ppi)

tuesday 15th:

so much for getting up early, aside from a 6am feed nobody wanted to get out of bed on a cold rainy morning, and it's hard to wake up a beautifully sleeping child at the best of times

dropping mr smear off in the rain, straight to woodstock to arrive on time for a meeting with two guys who weren't there... using the wait to solve a problem i'd been having at work, then accepting a "real" coffee which was waaaay too strong for me (got me completely wired), cosmically good timing to pitch my service to the boss and propose a partnership - did i really compare my idea to uber?! how embarrassing - a good chat with his recruiter, my phone battery dying just as i returned to town, picking up mr smear (still raining) and possibly saving one of the mom's husbands a vasectomy, coming home intending to work and instead being sent on errands to assist the nanny in cleaning duct tape glue from the windows before showing the apartment (of course the viewer never showed up, although meeting the agent was productive), lots of food for mr smear and working / meeting before getting gd ready and to her class while my mom looked after mr smear for a few minutes, then a chat with SxS and a little eat and playtime (more playtime that eating) before shower and bedtime

surreal: when your two year old buys extra time before bed by requesting an apple and passes out while chewing

the cockroaches released by our building renovators wasting our dinner, aquarius (realizing that sam hodiak -> s.hodiak -> zodiak), sore feet again plus shoulder pain, installing borderlands on the ps3 and working through

wednesday 16th:

to 4am trying to sort out restify middleware

snoozing for almost half an hour after waking up furious from a really unpleasant dream, dragging myself out of bed for breakfast and to drop mr smear off at school, then return home for a deeply satisfying nap for an hour or so, coffeeing up to pick him up again (experiencing the panic of a child deliberately going limp in the middle of a pedestrian crossing on a short light), rushing home to sort out fingerprinting only to arrive at the police station five minutes too late, dropping gd off at the gym (uber failing spectacularly while i was trying to introduce her and that having a rather strong influence over her faith in the concept)

psytrance and lunch and the plumbers with their shoes, no naps but eating well, sandwiches and not peeing in the potty but on the coffee table and the bed instead

intro call with a new dev and mr smear chiming in, finalizing a big refactor and showering mr smear and bedtime; quick and painless, aquarius and a hunter's and chocolate before work - and a little break to watch last week tonight and double my digital dosh in an exciting few hands of texas hold'em

a building blackout, committing my code (locally) on battery power before hitting the hey early (11.30pm)

thursday 17th:

after two years of sleep deprivation, every reasonable night's sleep becomes harder and harder to wake up from

planning hebrew lessons, a long introduction for our new dev, paying an unsettled bill, picking up mr smear, fingerprinting taking a long time and not being done right (not to mention the cold wind mission for change that was entirely unnecessary), roof bleaching equipment, an eagle at our window (!!), work and winning my first game of poker night at the inventory, lying down for a few minutes, mr smear waking up and joining me for my first completed level of geometry dash before we met a friend at the blue train for a few minutes before scrambling to get him home and showered so we could leave him with my mom

an interesting hebrew class, a surprisingly intriguing conversion class and a rewarding chat with the rabbi afterwards, home to hear entertaining stories from my mom until 11pm

friday 18th:

dreams: don't hang around the volcano incinerator with the goods, the treehouse cage puzzle, i was a robot dog bike jumping on the back of big robot dog sentinel to destroy him

standard morning procedure, my first haircut in months (actually falling asleep in the chair, dropping a surprising amount of grey hair), lying down briefly then getting some results at work before picking up mr smear (chatting in the parking lot until they kicked us out); shopping and running into krybabie's wife, mr smear passing out on the way home, lunch and a bit of work until he woke up, a little geometry dash then meeting friends at the park

i should've put on sunscreen earlier, a fun late afternoon made even better when running into a great couple we met a couple of months ago and actually trading numbers

home for a lovely shabbat dinner with all the traditional rites, mr smear advancing rapidly linguistically (and also generally being very naughty)

game of thrones, bad poker and a little work,

saturday 19th:

1am suddenly feeling a bit faint and responsibly going to bed

a decent night's rest, up early for crash bandicoot control wrestling, then off to the temple for a couple of hours of chasing mr smear around, ending on an angry note because it's freezing in there (gd feeling trapped and me not considering that the converts wouldn't know to just get up and take a break)

a perfect nap, then taking mr smear to the blue train (it was a beautiful, hot day); leaving after mr smear bashed his knee, meeting mom at home, coffee and chinese before the internet went down, half of ali and burned popcorn before passing out from exhaustion

sunday 20th:

early up and tired, insanely tired considering how much we'd slept the previously couple of weeks... a relatively relaxed morning, desperately needing a second coffee as soon as the first began to wear off, finally scripting the children's book i've been working on, a quick shopping mission taking much longer than expected, hitting the gym for a medium-paced walk while engaged in a conversation with krybabie's mother, a brief argument about mr smear learning jiu-jitsu and ice-cream headaches from a smoothie

thought for the day: as a jew, i'm surprised that it only just occurred to me how inappropriate it is to suggest that a pregnant jew has "a bun in the oven" post-holocaust.

home to a napping boy, but not being able to take advantage as he woke up fairly soon after we returned; a real nice park mission with mr smear's best friend and a bunch of parents we get along well with (and could hold a serious and funny conversation about flatulence with), eventually coming home just before sunset when it started getting cold to watch hunter x hunter, transform timeouts, develop acid reflux and take a ppi for the first time in five days, put mr smear to bed with his second breastfeeding of the day (!!), watch shark tank, game of thrones and a few minutes of the defenders with sore feet before calling it a night

(sort of, i'd get a little work done on my way)

monday 21st:

an awful, uncomfortable (sore back) night with barely any sleep and unpleasant dreams, a hard wakeup and a little work frustration, dropping mr smear off at school and spending the next couple of hours fighting with an under-performing machine while trying to figure out self publishing and fiverr illustrators

picking up mr smear, experimenting with bubble blowing (water vs dishwashing liquid) and an angry walk in miserably cold weather (or maybe that was later?), making overdue phone calls then heading off to the hospital

not only poorly designed, but we eventually realized we were at the wrong hospital. mr smear's nap being interrupted because there's literally not a single thing on the hospital restaurant menu that doesn't cause heart disease and it was too cold to go anywhere else but home

work / getting stuff done then taking mr smear to the aquarium for a bit, coming home to good philosophy, mom's visit an excuse for a drink, paying significantly more than originally intended for an illustrator (not realizing i had been negotiating in US dollars, for some reason)

gd playing brain it on, a few more minutes of the defenders then passing out

tuesday 22nd:

sleeping well, up early (like 2.40am) and working hard until 6-ish, then sleeping well again (crazy dreams) before being dragged out of bed to the couch... sleepwalking through drop off procedure, then home for a bit of work before returning to pick gd up

most of the afternoon spent working, eventually mr smear going down for a nap (every time the nanny takes him outside, HOW DOES SHE DO THAT?!? i'm beginning to suspect chloroform...), being woken up at 4pm from deep and peaceful sleep for an explosively tense rush through traffic to get to the pain specialist

arriving just in time for gd's lesson so that mr smear could say goodnight, a slow but steady success feeding him, an easy shower but a nightmare drying him and brushing his teeth - he's really figured out all my buttons and knows just how to press them

poor kid didn't see bedtime coming, gd arriving home just after he went back to sleep, disappointment with the defenders setting in, going to bed early

wednesday 23rd:

up around 4am (or earlier), exploring book publishing and making some progress at work before mr smear woke up at 6 begging to read a book; a few books and a couple of slices of toast and by 7 i was ready for bed (not that that was going to happen)

dropping him off in a haze, coming home to work a bit and receive a long lesson in pancakes before gd wrapped up my wrist in an ice bandage and i napped for forty five minutes, waking up groggy and hallucinatingly tired to pick up mr smear and bring him home, working a bit before beginning the hour or two of trying to get mr smear to nap, eventually succeeding by taking a stroll in miserably cold winds and unwittingly walking into the centre of an active construction site when he'd just passed out (i pray his hearing isn't damaged), returning to find gd in bed and really feeling like life wasn't playing fair

good work in spite of my severe napstipation, eventually trying to lie down only to jump up with some book publishing inspiration and continuing to work until (and even after) mr smear woke up, making good progress until his bedtime

my two year old sings along to nirvana, so we're doing just fine. and it was great being able to rinse his hair (and him) standing in the shower for the first time instead of having to pick him up

perhaps i shouldn't have asked the three giants what drugs they were on but did i really need to explain to a bunch of adults that heavy construction at 9pm in a residential area isn't okay?

it's nice when your coworkers get excited about your ideas!

the defenders and in bed at 11pm with acid reflux (probably shouldn't be eating dark chocolate, or so much of it, just before bedtime)

thursday 24th:

up with reflux at 0.30am, otherwise sleeping until alarm time with only one interruption (first feed)

a busy morning, dropping mr smear off late and just making it to my first laser hair removal session in cape town to fix the bits of my beard the montreal technicians missed: a phenomenally better experience, even though i'd forgotten to shave the night before and i noticed a massive snarly as i approached the mirror

the illustrator's first sample, banking research (bitcoin needs to become a thing, like, yesterday), picking up mr smear and coming home to work pretty much until the nanny left, which was right after i recalled her from the park when i realized that we were about to be late for gd's chiropractor appointment

mr smear's version of crossfit in the chiro's office, coming home to cancelled plans for the conversion course and progressively increased tension

mr smear kissing the gruffalo on every page turn (great book!) vs his timeout hug manipulation

mom's late visit in time for dinner, a final straw just before shower time

aquarius and bed without chocolate

friday 25th:

epic dreaming and waking up just before alarm time in the same place we'd gone to sleep, or perhaps worse...

dropping mr smear off at school and heading through to the housing tribunal, managing to find supporting documentation in spite of the poor reception and apple mail's awful search functionality, the tribunal agents being knowledgeable and helpful but initially dismissing me on the assumption that i got legally owned by a sneaky landlord

stopping at my mom's for two minutes to stew, then returning home to have things get much better before becoming much worse; picking up mr smear, returning to make matters worse before the two of us finally communicated, leaving me with a lot to think about that goes back to my revelation on our flight back from victoria

a sunny afternoon, four shopping trips and one visit to the park (mr smear using the big slide all by himself!), the timing of the realization that the timing of our leaving our lease couldn't have been worse (though we couldn't have known they'd go back on their word), mom coming over for dinner and mr smear barely making it through grace after meals before we tucked him into bed, watched an episode of game of thrones, medicated my rls (if that's what it is, and not sciatica), and went to bed playing brain it on together

saturday 26th:

5am to change a heavily wet diaper and soothe him back to sleep before trying to deal with an awfully scratchy throat that i'd been nursing since going to bed, playing brain it on for an hour before going to bed for a little more sleep

a much better temple service experience (water and shells and an amazing yoyo kid and gd moving around and managing much better), hangry and royally screwing up brunch plans with new friends, taking mr smear to get falafel which was so good we all demolished it (partially because i'd learned enough to check the pickles before putting them on, they're awful), a long, napless afternoon with freaks and geeks before taking a walk to the promenade and spending time wearing mr smear down, gd almost being run over by an entitled driver, shopping and mom's visit and dinner time and shower time and bedtime

"not our business" open doors on a cold windy night

aquarius, a couple of hours of ffix (actually continuing with the story for the first time in ages),

sunday 27th:

finally going to bed just after midnight

hard night with difficulty breathing and swallowing, lots of dreaming ending with k-twang and his wife and me clearing oily spiderwebs from a gate with our sandals so we could pass through

waking up to a stuffy morning for mr smear as well and gd sore, mr smear starting the day by pointing at my laptop and shouting "goat" until i understood that he wanted to watch me play goat simulator, playing until i got motion sickness then moving to crash bandicoot (what a rough sunday morning!), reviewing the mayweather vs mcgregor highlights (interesting fight), readying mr smear for the next few hours then heading off to dragonfire - how cool to see a new generation of claws that's finally motivated again!

a pleasant catch-up with a couple of the guys, some really good advice from my comic store friend and his coworker, a surprising vegan muffin and a game of thunderstone with shadowslight and a couple of kids; the game was awesome in spite of my being freezing cold from the moment we started and the fact that we had to cut it short when i got a message informing me that our nanny had gone home and my mom wasn't available to babysit; i thawed in the car on the way home to find gd very sick (flu?) but cleaning up after some potty progress had been made

taking mr smear to the aquarium where he repeatedly insisted on returning to the coin-operated game, an abysmal failure to share sorbet with him (he didn't want any, only pretzels), picking up some things then going home, on the way teaching him "we will rock you" (yay!) and "asshole" (uh, oh!)

dinner / shower / bedtime, leftovers and ffix: it took a lot longer to find a save point than planned and then suddenly the night was over...

monday 28th:

4am up and wondering if we were all sick, sleeping uncomfortably until mr smear got up, a pretty standard school morning

explaining mr smear's food issues to the substitute teacher, who was shocked that the other kids go crazy for his toasted fake cheese and vegan biscuits; trying and mostly succeeding to work in spite of gd making it very clear how awful she was feeling until it was time to pick mr smear up again

giving up on working fairly fast, developing an eyelid twitch, putting mr smear to sleep with psybient for a short nap, working a bit more

mr smear's first time going in the potty (although he did begin by peeing on me), taking him to our friends' in the heat where the kids played nicely for a couple of hours until the older brother decided he wanted us out of there; otherwise a pleasant playdate. making dinner plans and walking out into the cold wind of a brewing storm that failed to land, heading back out to pick up falafel for dinner, bohemian rhapsody sing-along in the shower, a couple of hours of work and finally crashing around 11.30pm

the first illustrations for review: wrong format but absolutely beautiful

tuesday 29th:

a miserable night, constantly woken by mr smear talking or crying out in his sleep

gd still sick, no first coffee, mr smear rushing into class to sit next to his friend (whose parents we don't get along with), a little work, sleeping for an hour or two because i felt sick, emergency shopping and a couple of sips of coffee before heading out to pick up mr smear; a fairly long meander back to the car, handing him over to the nanny soon after returning home

receiving confirmation that we'll be seeing our lease out, we've already paid the heavy cost anyway...

working well (and collaboratively), helping two coworkers set up my project on their machines (and learning a lot about doing so), which went on until late with a couple of breaks for dinner (which my mom brought over) and bedtime prep

wednesday 30th:

ted talks until 1am, up at 7 to rush through the morning and get gd's ear infection to the doctor before dropping mr smear off at school singing along to bohemian rhapsody, walking in on gd and the doctor discussing paranormal phenomena, picking up the prescription from a pharmacist who told us to take the probiotic and antibiotic together (?!)

a motivating chat with my comic illustrator, getting mr smear to sleep on a diaper mission, comic-ing and working until he woke up then an excruciatingly long prep for a sunset stroll

windy park evening and mr smear doing big boy things like the roundabout, then him properly helping me shop for the first time

a long day ending in frustration to the point where i just wanted to cry

police numbers and explosions and a long demanding meeting while distracted and an improvement and more meeting and 11.30pm heavy construction until midnight with no police intervention

thursday 31st:

working until 2am and nodding off while backing up

3.45am when parents disagree on midnight feeds

7am when they disagree on everything

the crazy store guy didn't know what post-its are?!
passing out to an idiot abroad
headache balcony trance
picking up mr smear, recording him and his buddies yelling instead of stopping them from disturbing the primary school students
work and finances
emergency shopping and coming home to cries
balcony bubbles
goat simulator sickness, recovering with funny videos and a park mission (mr smear alone on the roundabout and me making an ass of myself by trying to walk alongside) then being recalled to rush a shower and hand mr smear over to my mom before heading to gd's conversion class. an interesting hebrew class (not the worst "mizrachit"), the rabbi forgetting his speaker and me pulling one out of my pocket, an interesting class

home, leftovers, an idiot abroad and passing out,

friday september 1st:

waking up at 3 or 4am to brush my teeth, then spending two hours from 5 to 7am convincing mr smear to go back to sleep; of course, it would then take a while to convince him to get out of bed for breakfast...

pyjama day on spring day, a little work but mostly photos (healthy vegan kids), picking up mr smear (half an hour to get him to the car), gd's chiropractor appointment, picking up a "klaf" after closing time and mr smear falling asleep waiting for his vegan chocolate mousse, gd bumping into mr smear's buddy's mom on the way to meet us, arriving at the waterfront with massive gas, mr smear refusing the mousse until it was finished then being unable to scrape enough of the remains; the gift chocolate was either crap or dairy so we bought fudge, home in time to shower and leave

mr smear vs the cactus: he smacked one with an open hand as we walked past and it was only a little later when he touched a wall that they really hurt him, it was one of those cactii with tiny, sharp hairs and i had to take them out with my fingers... not only did this take a while, but i managed to get one embedded in my own hand so i'd realize just how much pain he was in. stoic little boy, he is, aside from his initial cry he just clenched his fist and attempted to carry on like that.

mr smear smashing the little girl's blocks on the bimah, otherwise a lovely service, his singing along loudly along to the blessing over the bread

lucky parking, arriving for dinner at 8pm, a fun evening, mr smear outlasting the other kids and our host and passing out in the car on our way home - a fantastic end to a tough week, passing out very soon after

saturday 2nd:

a night full of insane dreams, waking up pointing at the door repeating "no daddy"

i don't recall much of the morning (gd let me sleep in a while, and i accidentally shaved too much of my beard while demonstrating the concept for mr smear), but we hit the park for an hour or two and then stopped by nü at the gym for lunch (the israeli tennis players gifting mr smear with a ball, his first time on a treadmill)

a family nap, mr smear waking up particularly disagreeable for a rush to get him fed and ready for us to go be adults at airplane's birthday party, brilliant company, food and drinks for a great evening and actually having a little time to enjoy it before gd needed to get home (she'd been feeling much better, but still not well)

passing out on the couch again

sunday 3rd:

5am up with a stuffed nose and full of concern about my children's book

breakfast, shrek, fixing my pc (luck!), work and dealing with ingrown hairs in the sun on the balcony, putting up a mezuzah, nap time and syncing with sailor, our new parent neighbours coming over and getting a lot more advice and assistance than they bargained for (but they're finally able to breastfeed thanks to gd's intervention), lunch with sailor and deciding to hit the beach after mr smear woke up, a positive update from the illustrator, making it to the store just in time to pick up baby wipes and get to clifton 4th for a lovely end to the weekend, mr smear loving the water and becoming soaked, forcing us to leave just before the sun went down to avoid the temperature cooling

coming home to find gd's keys in the door but no sign of entry, shower, tough dinner, bedtime, an idiot abroad and persistent, painful rls forcing me into bed by 11pm

monday 4th:

a MAGNIFICENT spring day, up early with cloudy with a chance of meatballs, mr smear dancing and singing along to the dr horrible's sing-along blog soundtrack, dropping him off and return home to slowly and painfully figure out that we'd need more info before redoing gd's fingerprints, a chat with horseman for the first time since the beginning of the year and a visit from our friend, great news from the couple gd helped out the previous day, picking up mr smear, not getting much work done before the nanny went home, heading to a shell-covered beach for a while, then back home to an unruly boy making me crazy until his bedtime

a season finale of an idiot abroad with a cider, then digging in to work...

tuesday 5th:

... and making magic until 2.30am, also getting a little writing done (so far i'm very proud of my first foray into fairy-tale territory)

a grumpifying night of discomfort (seems to be a thing and becoming progressively worse) and unnecessary wakings, then up at snoozed-alarm to rush because gd booked a haircut for the same time we usually drop mr smear off at school; managing to get there only five minutes late and experiencing the excitement of dealing with an aggressive break-in in the wellness centre's parking lot

sitting down in vida enjoying the rain and an almond latte until gd was done, coming home to do some work (enjoyable, i was super pleased with the results of the previous night's efforts) and eat amazing pancakes before picking up mr smear and heading out to cavendish: public toilets where you don't have to touch anything after washing your hands? yes, please! forgetting the stroller and mr smear napping a short while on my shoulder but waking up far too early, gd finding shoes, and then returning home for an afternoon of mixed work and play; gd skipping off to see the doctor because her ear infection got worse and coming home with worrying news (completely deaf in one ear and a really bad chest infection to boot)...

dropping gd off at the temple, a brief stop for eating and reading (not much of the former) and the regular bedtime story, only earlier than usual and comprising a mix of adorable and aggravating - getting him in bed before 8pm and listening to about twenty minutes of him repeating "no daddy" to himself

a beer, chocolate and the do over - a really funny adam sandler movie - a good chunk of work completed just as the building's power went out

wednesday 6th:

3.30am up for an hour and a half of negotiating before i lost patience and gd took over, waking up completely exhausted after disturbing dreams (although the good witch helped us get away from the bad ones if i recall correctly); working both before and after dropping mr smear off at school (the nanny handled his breakfast) and then taking gd to the family massage therapist, hanging around for the history then picking up mr smear, dropping him at home with the nanny and returning to pick up gd who was feeling good (better, even). inexplicably only returning home an hour later, sending mr smear and the nanny off to the blue train to meet people who weren't there, napping for a bit then dragging myself out of bed to switch with the nanny and swing mr smear for a bit before deciding it was windy and a bit lonely and heading back: both kids (gd included :P) fast asleep so i cancelled the coffee

when you rush to catch an elevator to avoid a local drunk and he sneaks in behind you to loudly hit on a cleaning lady while your two year old is sleeping

brief nap, zombie-state but holding the fort until my mom arrived, mr smear waiting until the last minute to eat his dinner (vegan dumplings ftw!), a fun shower and fairly straightforward bedtime procedure

ozark is excitingly great writing

working in spite of an aggressive need to pass out

thursday 7th:

finally getting into bed at 1.30am, a mostly peaceful night, a cold, wet and windy day

too tired to work in the morning, so catching up on rick and morty and backing up before looking after mr smear after picking him up from school (the bfg is a beautiful translation), the day slowly becoming night with no naps, a visit from my mom and having to walk downstairs at 9pm to ask the guy with the jackhammer if he knew what time it was

friday 8th:

finally getting the latest job done in a satisfying way after a day of struggling to get started

it wasn't clear if the person hammering between 2-2.30am was a construction worker or a neighbour [it wasn't a neighbour], but that level of disrespect leaves me utterly gobsmacked

up at 7am (or earlier?) and resting on the couch, eventually climbing upright to slowly stuff myself with amazing pancakes before dropping mr smear off at school (eating too much and suffering acid reflux as a consequence)

tired but working until pick up time, mr smear chasing after his buddy and cutting goodbyes out entirely, naps and work and trying to backup my workstation (AOEMI backup software crashing my pc, nice one), angry childproof gate hunting, a quick run to the pharmacy (having to get mr smear past a small drunk guy poking me in the arm)

finally beginning to back up my workstation (EaseUS, much better) and a good dinner with my mom, rushing to put mr smear to bed, a conversation on identity politics, an idiot abroad, splashing peroxide, crashing early

saturday 9th:

up early, an emergency shower, mr smear generally behaving well in the synagogue but eventually getting bored; an unnecessary argument with someone who actually agreed with me (miscommunication ftw), from shul to the waterfront but without a stroller and mr smear passing out on my shoulder soon after arriving... tension getting him home and into bed, which didn't last very long, then passing out myself and needing coffee to go on a shopping mission that ended up taking the rest of the day (pharmacy, chinese supermarket, supermarket again, pharmacy at the waterfront with my mom) and rushing home to a dishwasher malfunction, brilliantly done dumplings and bedtime

generally not feeling well, sore feet and exhaustion

vegan chocolate muffin, a chocolate slab and tahini fudge watching the mummy before crashing

sunday 10th:

sleeping pretty deeply, dreaming of eating a LOT of ice cream and that gd and i were going to prison after i helped prevent a stranger from being raped due to an obscure miscarriage of justice

an unpleasant morning, a ceasefire to visit the holiday fair, too much crowd for me leading to more unpleasantness at the mojo market (apparently having emotions isn't an endearing quality) which would persist throughout the day

enforced nap (via psybient dancing), then up for mr smear's first haircut: what a weird transformation! he looks more boyish, but somehow softer

a short park mission until the sunset turned cold, then dr horrible's sing-along blog and dumplings (and a hunter's) before bedtime, finishing the mummy (pretty good, i was constantly surprised by how much better looking the princess was as a zombie goddess), then settling in to post this. which i've been doing with a spiking headache and an uncomfortable ear which i suspect of being in the process of developing an infection. it's now 11.10pm and i'm deciding whether to work or play or rest.