Monday, September 18, 2017

better but with wheezing coughs

thursday 14th:

going to bed just after midnight, sleeping a lot but every short wake up feeling sicker and more sore

tough getting up, waiting in the car while gd dropped mr smear off, an interesting conversation with my tax consultant, taking gd to the chiropractor and hanging around instead of driving back and forth

collecting tax documents until early evening, with breaks to pick up mr smear (did i alienate a class parent when we said goodbye?), shop quickly and bounce him into a nap

dropping gd off at class, my mom joining me in feeding mr smear, psytrance shower (he loved it!), a quick bedtime, fingerprint documents and picking up gd (seeing a very small projector with an enormous display), troubleshooting an IIS installation before chatting with SxS before working

friday 15th:

before climbing into bed around 1.30am

another night of intriguing dreams (rollerblading down crazy hills behind an old friend - the crow - listening to music with headphones), another hard morning starting at 6am

dentist visit, my dry skin finger cracking painfully
telkom's technical support getting my telkom phone number wrong
picking up mr smear then four hours struggling with troubleshooting, tax documents, fingerprint documents, a frustrated child who wouldn't nap and the consequences of responding badly to an impatient cook

mr smear passing out unexpectedly while we got ready for shul, mom taking over and us arriving in time for pre-service meditation, a good service but falling asleep before choking and struggling to sing in key, waking mr smear for dinner, a fun evening, the illustrator "delivering" the work to mixed feelings. the artwork is gorgeous, but how is it that an illustrator doesn't understand "portrait" and "landscape"?!?

saturday 16th:

a very sore tongue going to bed at 1.30am

getting the early slot with the original charlie and the chocolate factory and dr horrible's sing-along blog, absolutely knackered and at some point sleeping a little on the couch

heavy winds all day, car shopping with my mom with interesting results, lots of coughing, delicious wraps from pulp (mr smear thought so too) and a fun chat with a vida regular, a "quick" stop for gd on the way to the waterfront, mr smear largely unimpressed, trying to go to the park but literally being blown back home, an evening in (dr horrible again* and breakdancing), dinner and bedtime then a bit of trainspotting t2 and an idiot abroad before crashing early - almost, i got caught up checking out an interesting parenting book i picked up on sale (It's a Boy!: Your Son's Development from Birth to Age 18) so i only climbed into bed after 11pm

sunday 17th:

a really tough night respiratorily, up at 6am for dinosaur train and not-quite-jenga
a park mission with mr smear's best friend and running into other class parents, late lunch then bouncing mr smear to nap which we could properly take advantage of, resting a bit and getting good work done before he woke up, gd taking extra time so i read with him before we tried out sonic generations and returned to a little goat simulator. waking to gd and leaving alone to do a shopping run, generally successful and including an interesting chat with an old friend, then getting home in time to greet sailor and his girlfriend before jumping in the shower with mr smear and readying him for bed so we could go out for falafel and talk mostly like adults for an hour or two (or in my case, talk and cough awfully). since they left it's been work,

monday 18th:

and very soon, bed. i'm seriously in need of some rest.

* i was becoming concerned about the violence in the show, but after much research it looks like it's quite benign. if i have energy available at some point i'll post more detail.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

in the blink of an eye

monday 11th:

12.45am after doing a lot of nothing (although that nothing did include rewriting an old nursery rhyme)

up at 7am with barely an interruption but mr smear suffering conjunctivitis... taking him to school anyway once we were reasonably sure it'd cleared, going to the gym and running surprisingly well before receiving a call informing us that we'd been wrong - rushing to pick him up, then picking up gd and caring and working for a couple of hours before seeing the doctor

an indoors afternoon, gd's victorious battle against the clique moms, decent work progress, apparently clearing up some confusion with the illustrator, gd over-catering an afternoon snack into too much dinner, the bedtime ritual and passing out halfway through guardians of the galaxy volume 2 which is phenomenally good

tuesday 12th:

2.30am up to double-team mr smear for an hour of eyedrop application trauma and getting him back to sleep, fortunately sleeping a bit later than usual

a long morning, eventually getting to the police station for fingerprinting (every officer claimed the illegible scrawls were clearly readable, wtf?!) and police car watching (there was only one, unfortunately), the postnet for posting (R450 or R20? we'll take the less secure route, thanks), spar for phat fox vegan chocolate mousse (amazing!), a moment laughing uncontrollably face to face with mr smear crying because i ate "his" spoon of mousse, home, trading up a whiteboard for a pad of paper then a big shopping... no almond milk, though, and i had to go through two other stores to find some because of a nationwide shortage. on the way i got out of the car to yell at an old white woman who'd hooted aggressively in my ear after a pedestrian inconvenienced her by legitimately crossing the road; i was so infuriated by that and the fact that her grandchild was in the back that i said some of what i intended and probably garbled the rest

gd wearing down mr smear (and herself in the process), taking him to the park and returning ten minutes later with him fast asleep; settling down to work, trying to help gd quickly, doing something stupid and being chewed out for most of the rest of the napportunity...

... a little work, a rushed park visit and then getting gd to her class almost on time, mr smear upset that i'd only repeat "a brand new day" once but still eating a bit of his dinner, a well-timed pre-shower poop on his behalf leading to bedtime. not smooth, but not too much trouble either

boxing gym music at high volume at 8.30pm

troubleshooting an installation while i developed a sore throat, then sitting down to an idiot abroad and delicious vegan fudge before getting into work

wednesday 13th:

until 1am, going to bed after a couple of failed attempts to manage my throat, intense dreams (taking place in video games)
watching mr smear until the nanny took him outside, working and Getting Stuff Done for most of the day

working at my mom's place in the early afternoon when mr smear wanted to play with me and not the nanny, the battery on my expensive workstation running flat in an hour when my own cheap second-hander from 2013 has more juice
detecting the stench of athlete's foot from a man taking off his shoe about 50m upwind of me
taking mr smear to the waterfront for a quick mission, him sliding around on his belly over bird shit and then squirting boxed guava juice all over himself
cough regression
work / dinner / staring, fascinated at our little boy who's very quickly gone from baby to autonomous little human
the rush from table to breastfeeding with a shower in between
that surreal moment when you manage to convince your two year old to sing himself to sleep
an idiot abroad then work

Monday, September 11, 2017

august and september

friday august 11th:

finally getting a handle on securing files properly before going to bed around 3.15am (as if i hadn't regressed enough during the previous days)

7am up for the spongebob movie: sponge out of water, the more i saw of it the more impressed i became

i smoked cigarettes for a decade, and i know there were times when i smelled so much like an ashtray that *i* could smell it and it bothered me. not enough to quit, but enough to make me regret. if i could go back in time to bring myself vaping equipment, i totally would. what's with all the smokers who haven't switched yet?

dropping off gd at the acupuncturist and mr smear off at school, home for a very short nap then picking up gd, home for some work then picking up mr smear, home for a forgotten asthma pump then to town for a disappointing lunch at kauai with mr smear asleep on my shoulder followed by the two of us doing some compulsive book shopping while gd had her hair cut

home in time for a long security meeting, a pause, a discussion about plant-based lifestyles, and then a serious conversation while alone with mr smear who was very unhappy about not being invited to participate

getting ready for the synagogue, the service less unpleasant than expected (we don't like the opera singer)

saturday 12th:

once up, an early start with gd suffering a bad neck spasm, a very slow morning (and lots of pancakes), taking mr smear to see my uncle and cousin and literally running after him almost non-stop, coming home and making him toasted sandwiches, properly burning the roof of my mouth in the process, keeping him occupied with food, books and dub and eventually thinking i was getting him to sleep but it was actually me falling asleep and then i woke up and found him looking at my half closed eyes unsure of whether or not i could see him... drawing on his plastic table, then his plastic chair, and then finally, after assuring himself that i was out, turning to our table...

slowly making our way to the waterfront, mr smear passing out before we arrived and giving us a chance to peaceably get most of our shopping done and enjoy wellness warehouse's surprisingly good vegan offerings, waking up in time to make the grocery shopping more interesting than it should have been

home, dinner, bedtime; an episode or two of aquarius - absolutely brilliant - then gd went to bed

interrupted texas hold'em, and testing out a cheap but great humble bundle

sunday 13th:

until quite late, sleeping until 8-8.30 and starting the day brilliantly with netflix's ask the storybots, which is like sesame street on steroids, and competing with my son for turns playing geometry dash

all three of us going out to kirstenbosch for a lovely afternoon, picnicking with the "chicken-a-ducks" (guinea foul), mr smear passing out on the way back but waking up on contact with his bed, managing and entertaining mr smear while gd cooked, my mom coming over for coffee and mr smear on form

a little trouble (general naughtiness) post-shower but otherwise getting him into bed fairly quickly, although a coughing fit freaked us out because we still couldn't give him antihistamines

aquarius still at 100% after quite a few episodes, a little geometry dash, lots of research into digital watermarking

monday 14th:

until 1.30am

early up for storybots, dropping mr smear off then coming home to hunt down visa documents, drop gd off at the gym, work a bit, pick up mr smear, watch him walk up stairs by himself with no hands for the very first time, arrive at the gym just in time to catch gd about to walk home because my phone wasn't working, a call to telkom and learning that they hadn't contacted me about my network connection issue because they'd tried to call me while it was failing, a visit with the allergist and 20+ needles (mr smear was NOT impressed), learning that we've been absolutely right about his milk allergy, a visit with the lung specialist immediately afterwards, home for much-needed nap time (and a big bowl of "we're all being poisoned anyway" rice), a visit to the chiropractor, grocery shopping, and finally home

really bad leg and foot discomfort, most likely the sciatica, yokai and a big dinner, mr smear's bedtime, aquarius

our landlord gearing up for a fight

going to bed early with indigestion (in spite of a ppi)

tuesday 15th:

so much for getting up early, aside from a 6am feed nobody wanted to get out of bed on a cold rainy morning, and it's hard to wake up a beautifully sleeping child at the best of times

dropping mr smear off in the rain, straight to woodstock to arrive on time for a meeting with two guys who weren't there... using the wait to solve a problem i'd been having at work, then accepting a "real" coffee which was waaaay too strong for me (got me completely wired), cosmically good timing to pitch my service to the boss and propose a partnership - did i really compare my idea to uber?! how embarrassing - a good chat with his recruiter, my phone battery dying just as i returned to town, picking up mr smear (still raining) and possibly saving one of the mom's husbands a vasectomy, coming home intending to work and instead being sent on errands to assist the nanny in cleaning duct tape glue from the windows before showing the apartment (of course the viewer never showed up, although meeting the agent was productive), lots of food for mr smear and working / meeting before getting gd ready and to her class while my mom looked after mr smear for a few minutes, then a chat with SxS and a little eat and playtime (more playtime that eating) before shower and bedtime

surreal: when your two year old buys extra time before bed by requesting an apple and passes out while chewing

the cockroaches released by our building renovators wasting our dinner, aquarius (realizing that sam hodiak -> s.hodiak -> zodiak), sore feet again plus shoulder pain, installing borderlands on the ps3 and working through

wednesday 16th:

to 4am trying to sort out restify middleware

snoozing for almost half an hour after waking up furious from a really unpleasant dream, dragging myself out of bed for breakfast and to drop mr smear off at school, then return home for a deeply satisfying nap for an hour or so, coffeeing up to pick him up again (experiencing the panic of a child deliberately going limp in the middle of a pedestrian crossing on a short light), rushing home to sort out fingerprinting only to arrive at the police station five minutes too late, dropping gd off at the gym (uber failing spectacularly while i was trying to introduce her and that having a rather strong influence over her faith in the concept)

psytrance and lunch and the plumbers with their shoes, no naps but eating well, sandwiches and not peeing in the potty but on the coffee table and the bed instead

intro call with a new dev and mr smear chiming in, finalizing a big refactor and showering mr smear and bedtime; quick and painless, aquarius and a hunter's and chocolate before work - and a little break to watch last week tonight and double my digital dosh in an exciting few hands of texas hold'em

a building blackout, committing my code (locally) on battery power before hitting the hey early (11.30pm)

thursday 17th:

after two years of sleep deprivation, every reasonable night's sleep becomes harder and harder to wake up from

planning hebrew lessons, a long introduction for our new dev, paying an unsettled bill, picking up mr smear, fingerprinting taking a long time and not being done right (not to mention the cold wind mission for change that was entirely unnecessary), roof bleaching equipment, an eagle at our window (!!), work and winning my first game of poker night at the inventory, lying down for a few minutes, mr smear waking up and joining me for my first completed level of geometry dash before we met a friend at the blue train for a few minutes before scrambling to get him home and showered so we could leave him with my mom

an interesting hebrew class, a surprisingly intriguing conversion class and a rewarding chat with the rabbi afterwards, home to hear entertaining stories from my mom until 11pm

friday 18th:

dreams: don't hang around the volcano incinerator with the goods, the treehouse cage puzzle, i was a robot dog bike jumping on the back of big robot dog sentinel to destroy him

standard morning procedure, my first haircut in months (actually falling asleep in the chair, dropping a surprising amount of grey hair), lying down briefly then getting some results at work before picking up mr smear (chatting in the parking lot until they kicked us out); shopping and running into krybabie's wife, mr smear passing out on the way home, lunch and a bit of work until he woke up, a little geometry dash then meeting friends at the park

i should've put on sunscreen earlier, a fun late afternoon made even better when running into a great couple we met a couple of months ago and actually trading numbers

home for a lovely shabbat dinner with all the traditional rites, mr smear advancing rapidly linguistically (and also generally being very naughty)

game of thrones, bad poker and a little work,

saturday 19th:

1am suddenly feeling a bit faint and responsibly going to bed

a decent night's rest, up early for crash bandicoot control wrestling, then off to the temple for a couple of hours of chasing mr smear around, ending on an angry note because it's freezing in there (gd feeling trapped and me not considering that the converts wouldn't know to just get up and take a break)

a perfect nap, then taking mr smear to the blue train (it was a beautiful, hot day); leaving after mr smear bashed his knee, meeting mom at home, coffee and chinese before the internet went down, half of ali and burned popcorn before passing out from exhaustion

sunday 20th:

early up and tired, insanely tired considering how much we'd slept the previously couple of weeks... a relatively relaxed morning, desperately needing a second coffee as soon as the first began to wear off, finally scripting the children's book i've been working on, a quick shopping mission taking much longer than expected, hitting the gym for a medium-paced walk while engaged in a conversation with krybabie's mother, a brief argument about mr smear learning jiu-jitsu and ice-cream headaches from a smoothie

thought for the day: as a jew, i'm surprised that it only just occurred to me how inappropriate it is to suggest that a pregnant jew has "a bun in the oven" post-holocaust.

home to a napping boy, but not being able to take advantage as he woke up fairly soon after we returned; a real nice park mission with mr smear's best friend and a bunch of parents we get along well with (and could hold a serious and funny conversation about flatulence with), eventually coming home just before sunset when it started getting cold to watch hunter x hunter, transform timeouts, develop acid reflux and take a ppi for the first time in five days, put mr smear to bed with his second breastfeeding of the day (!!), watch shark tank, game of thrones and a few minutes of the defenders with sore feet before calling it a night

(sort of, i'd get a little work done on my way)

monday 21st:

an awful, uncomfortable (sore back) night with barely any sleep and unpleasant dreams, a hard wakeup and a little work frustration, dropping mr smear off at school and spending the next couple of hours fighting with an under-performing machine while trying to figure out self publishing and fiverr illustrators

picking up mr smear, experimenting with bubble blowing (water vs dishwashing liquid) and an angry walk in miserably cold weather (or maybe that was later?), making overdue phone calls then heading off to the hospital

not only poorly designed, but we eventually realized we were at the wrong hospital. mr smear's nap being interrupted because there's literally not a single thing on the hospital restaurant menu that doesn't cause heart disease and it was too cold to go anywhere else but home

work / getting stuff done then taking mr smear to the aquarium for a bit, coming home to good philosophy, mom's visit an excuse for a drink, paying significantly more than originally intended for an illustrator (not realizing i had been negotiating in US dollars, for some reason)

gd playing brain it on, a few more minutes of the defenders then passing out

tuesday 22nd:

sleeping well, up early (like 2.40am) and working hard until 6-ish, then sleeping well again (crazy dreams) before being dragged out of bed to the couch... sleepwalking through drop off procedure, then home for a bit of work before returning to pick gd up

most of the afternoon spent working, eventually mr smear going down for a nap (every time the nanny takes him outside, HOW DOES SHE DO THAT?!? i'm beginning to suspect chloroform...), being woken up at 4pm from deep and peaceful sleep for an explosively tense rush through traffic to get to the pain specialist

arriving just in time for gd's lesson so that mr smear could say goodnight, a slow but steady success feeding him, an easy shower but a nightmare drying him and brushing his teeth - he's really figured out all my buttons and knows just how to press them

poor kid didn't see bedtime coming, gd arriving home just after he went back to sleep, disappointment with the defenders setting in, going to bed early

wednesday 23rd:

up around 4am (or earlier), exploring book publishing and making some progress at work before mr smear woke up at 6 begging to read a book; a few books and a couple of slices of toast and by 7 i was ready for bed (not that that was going to happen)

dropping him off in a haze, coming home to work a bit and receive a long lesson in pancakes before gd wrapped up my wrist in an ice bandage and i napped for forty five minutes, waking up groggy and hallucinatingly tired to pick up mr smear and bring him home, working a bit before beginning the hour or two of trying to get mr smear to nap, eventually succeeding by taking a stroll in miserably cold winds and unwittingly walking into the centre of an active construction site when he'd just passed out (i pray his hearing isn't damaged), returning to find gd in bed and really feeling like life wasn't playing fair

good work in spite of my severe napstipation, eventually trying to lie down only to jump up with some book publishing inspiration and continuing to work until (and even after) mr smear woke up, making good progress until his bedtime

my two year old sings along to nirvana, so we're doing just fine. and it was great being able to rinse his hair (and him) standing in the shower for the first time instead of having to pick him up

perhaps i shouldn't have asked the three giants what drugs they were on but did i really need to explain to a bunch of adults that heavy construction at 9pm in a residential area isn't okay?

it's nice when your coworkers get excited about your ideas!

the defenders and in bed at 11pm with acid reflux (probably shouldn't be eating dark chocolate, or so much of it, just before bedtime)

thursday 24th:

up with reflux at 0.30am, otherwise sleeping until alarm time with only one interruption (first feed)

a busy morning, dropping mr smear off late and just making it to my first laser hair removal session in cape town to fix the bits of my beard the montreal technicians missed: a phenomenally better experience, even though i'd forgotten to shave the night before and i noticed a massive snarly as i approached the mirror

the illustrator's first sample, banking research (bitcoin needs to become a thing, like, yesterday), picking up mr smear and coming home to work pretty much until the nanny left, which was right after i recalled her from the park when i realized that we were about to be late for gd's chiropractor appointment

mr smear's version of crossfit in the chiro's office, coming home to cancelled plans for the conversion course and progressively increased tension

mr smear kissing the gruffalo on every page turn (great book!) vs his timeout hug manipulation

mom's late visit in time for dinner, a final straw just before shower time

aquarius and bed without chocolate

friday 25th:

epic dreaming and waking up just before alarm time in the same place we'd gone to sleep, or perhaps worse...

dropping mr smear off at school and heading through to the housing tribunal, managing to find supporting documentation in spite of the poor reception and apple mail's awful search functionality, the tribunal agents being knowledgeable and helpful but initially dismissing me on the assumption that i got legally owned by a sneaky landlord

stopping at my mom's for two minutes to stew, then returning home to have things get much better before becoming much worse; picking up mr smear, returning to make matters worse before the two of us finally communicated, leaving me with a lot to think about that goes back to my revelation on our flight back from victoria

a sunny afternoon, four shopping trips and one visit to the park (mr smear using the big slide all by himself!), the timing of the realization that the timing of our leaving our lease couldn't have been worse (though we couldn't have known they'd go back on their word), mom coming over for dinner and mr smear barely making it through grace after meals before we tucked him into bed, watched an episode of game of thrones, medicated my rls (if that's what it is, and not sciatica), and went to bed playing brain it on together

saturday 26th:

5am to change a heavily wet diaper and soothe him back to sleep before trying to deal with an awfully scratchy throat that i'd been nursing since going to bed, playing brain it on for an hour before going to bed for a little more sleep

a much better temple service experience (water and shells and an amazing yoyo kid and gd moving around and managing much better), hangry and royally screwing up brunch plans with new friends, taking mr smear to get falafel which was so good we all demolished it (partially because i'd learned enough to check the pickles before putting them on, they're awful), a long, napless afternoon with freaks and geeks before taking a walk to the promenade and spending time wearing mr smear down, gd almost being run over by an entitled driver, shopping and mom's visit and dinner time and shower time and bedtime

"not our business" open doors on a cold windy night

aquarius, a couple of hours of ffix (actually continuing with the story for the first time in ages),

sunday 27th:

finally going to bed just after midnight

hard night with difficulty breathing and swallowing, lots of dreaming ending with k-twang and his wife and me clearing oily spiderwebs from a gate with our sandals so we could pass through

waking up to a stuffy morning for mr smear as well and gd sore, mr smear starting the day by pointing at my laptop and shouting "goat" until i understood that he wanted to watch me play goat simulator, playing until i got motion sickness then moving to crash bandicoot (what a rough sunday morning!), reviewing the mayweather vs mcgregor highlights (interesting fight), readying mr smear for the next few hours then heading off to dragonfire - how cool to see a new generation of claws that's finally motivated again!

a pleasant catch-up with a couple of the guys, some really good advice from my comic store friend and his coworker, a surprising vegan muffin and a game of thunderstone with shadowslight and a couple of kids; the game was awesome in spite of my being freezing cold from the moment we started and the fact that we had to cut it short when i got a message informing me that our nanny had gone home and my mom wasn't available to babysit; i thawed in the car on the way home to find gd very sick (flu?) but cleaning up after some potty progress had been made

taking mr smear to the aquarium where he repeatedly insisted on returning to the coin-operated game, an abysmal failure to share sorbet with him (he didn't want any, only pretzels), picking up some things then going home, on the way teaching him "we will rock you" (yay!) and "asshole" (uh, oh!)

dinner / shower / bedtime, leftovers and ffix: it took a lot longer to find a save point than planned and then suddenly the night was over...

monday 28th:

4am up and wondering if we were all sick, sleeping uncomfortably until mr smear got up, a pretty standard school morning

explaining mr smear's food issues to the substitute teacher, who was shocked that the other kids go crazy for his toasted fake cheese and vegan biscuits; trying and mostly succeeding to work in spite of gd making it very clear how awful she was feeling until it was time to pick mr smear up again

giving up on working fairly fast, developing an eyelid twitch, putting mr smear to sleep with psybient for a short nap, working a bit more

mr smear's first time going in the potty (although he did begin by peeing on me), taking him to our friends' in the heat where the kids played nicely for a couple of hours until the older brother decided he wanted us out of there; otherwise a pleasant playdate. making dinner plans and walking out into the cold wind of a brewing storm that failed to land, heading back out to pick up falafel for dinner, bohemian rhapsody sing-along in the shower, a couple of hours of work and finally crashing around 11.30pm

the first illustrations for review: wrong format but absolutely beautiful

tuesday 29th:

a miserable night, constantly woken by mr smear talking or crying out in his sleep

gd still sick, no first coffee, mr smear rushing into class to sit next to his friend (whose parents we don't get along with), a little work, sleeping for an hour or two because i felt sick, emergency shopping and a couple of sips of coffee before heading out to pick up mr smear; a fairly long meander back to the car, handing him over to the nanny soon after returning home

receiving confirmation that we'll be seeing our lease out, we've already paid the heavy cost anyway...

working well (and collaboratively), helping two coworkers set up my project on their machines (and learning a lot about doing so), which went on until late with a couple of breaks for dinner (which my mom brought over) and bedtime prep

wednesday 30th:

ted talks until 1am, up at 7 to rush through the morning and get gd's ear infection to the doctor before dropping mr smear off at school singing along to bohemian rhapsody, walking in on gd and the doctor discussing paranormal phenomena, picking up the prescription from a pharmacist who told us to take the probiotic and antibiotic together (?!)

a motivating chat with my comic illustrator, getting mr smear to sleep on a diaper mission, comic-ing and working until he woke up then an excruciatingly long prep for a sunset stroll

windy park evening and mr smear doing big boy things like the roundabout, then him properly helping me shop for the first time

a long day ending in frustration to the point where i just wanted to cry

police numbers and explosions and a long demanding meeting while distracted and an improvement and more meeting and 11.30pm heavy construction until midnight with no police intervention

thursday 31st:

working until 2am and nodding off while backing up

3.45am when parents disagree on midnight feeds

7am when they disagree on everything

the crazy store guy didn't know what post-its are?!
passing out to an idiot abroad
headache balcony trance
picking up mr smear, recording him and his buddies yelling instead of stopping them from disturbing the primary school students
work and finances
emergency shopping and coming home to cries
balcony bubbles
goat simulator sickness, recovering with funny videos and a park mission (mr smear alone on the roundabout and me making an ass of myself by trying to walk alongside) then being recalled to rush a shower and hand mr smear over to my mom before heading to gd's conversion class. an interesting hebrew class (not the worst "mizrachit"), the rabbi forgetting his speaker and me pulling one out of my pocket, an interesting class

home, leftovers, an idiot abroad and passing out,

friday september 1st:

waking up at 3 or 4am to brush my teeth, then spending two hours from 5 to 7am convincing mr smear to go back to sleep; of course, it would then take a while to convince him to get out of bed for breakfast...

pyjama day on spring day, a little work but mostly photos (healthy vegan kids), picking up mr smear (half an hour to get him to the car), gd's chiropractor appointment, picking up a "klaf" after closing time and mr smear falling asleep waiting for his vegan chocolate mousse, gd bumping into mr smear's buddy's mom on the way to meet us, arriving at the waterfront with massive gas, mr smear refusing the mousse until it was finished then being unable to scrape enough of the remains; the gift chocolate was either crap or dairy so we bought fudge, home in time to shower and leave

mr smear vs the cactus: he smacked one with an open hand as we walked past and it was only a little later when he touched a wall that they really hurt him, it was one of those cactii with tiny, sharp hairs and i had to take them out with my fingers... not only did this take a while, but i managed to get one embedded in my own hand so i'd realize just how much pain he was in. stoic little boy, he is, aside from his initial cry he just clenched his fist and attempted to carry on like that.

mr smear smashing the little girl's blocks on the bimah, otherwise a lovely service, his singing along loudly along to the blessing over the bread

lucky parking, arriving for dinner at 8pm, a fun evening, mr smear outlasting the other kids and our host and passing out in the car on our way home - a fantastic end to a tough week, passing out very soon after

saturday 2nd:

a night full of insane dreams, waking up pointing at the door repeating "no daddy"

i don't recall much of the morning (gd let me sleep in a while, and i accidentally shaved too much of my beard while demonstrating the concept for mr smear), but we hit the park for an hour or two and then stopped by nü at the gym for lunch (the israeli tennis players gifting mr smear with a ball, his first time on a treadmill)

a family nap, mr smear waking up particularly disagreeable for a rush to get him fed and ready for us to go be adults at airplane's birthday party, brilliant company, food and drinks for a great evening and actually having a little time to enjoy it before gd needed to get home (she'd been feeling much better, but still not well)

passing out on the couch again

sunday 3rd:

5am up with a stuffed nose and full of concern about my children's book

breakfast, shrek, fixing my pc (luck!), work and dealing with ingrown hairs in the sun on the balcony, putting up a mezuzah, nap time and syncing with sailor, our new parent neighbours coming over and getting a lot more advice and assistance than they bargained for (but they're finally able to breastfeed thanks to gd's intervention), lunch with sailor and deciding to hit the beach after mr smear woke up, a positive update from the illustrator, making it to the store just in time to pick up baby wipes and get to clifton 4th for a lovely end to the weekend, mr smear loving the water and becoming soaked, forcing us to leave just before the sun went down to avoid the temperature cooling

coming home to find gd's keys in the door but no sign of entry, shower, tough dinner, bedtime, an idiot abroad and persistent, painful rls forcing me into bed by 11pm

monday 4th:

a MAGNIFICENT spring day, up early with cloudy with a chance of meatballs, mr smear dancing and singing along to the dr horrible's sing-along blog soundtrack, dropping him off and return home to slowly and painfully figure out that we'd need more info before redoing gd's fingerprints, a chat with horseman for the first time since the beginning of the year and a visit from our friend, great news from the couple gd helped out the previous day, picking up mr smear, not getting much work done before the nanny went home, heading to a shell-covered beach for a while, then back home to an unruly boy making me crazy until his bedtime

a season finale of an idiot abroad with a cider, then digging in to work...

tuesday 5th:

... and making magic until 2.30am, also getting a little writing done (so far i'm very proud of my first foray into fairy-tale territory)

a grumpifying night of discomfort (seems to be a thing and becoming progressively worse) and unnecessary wakings, then up at snoozed-alarm to rush because gd booked a haircut for the same time we usually drop mr smear off at school; managing to get there only five minutes late and experiencing the excitement of dealing with an aggressive break-in in the wellness centre's parking lot

sitting down in vida enjoying the rain and an almond latte until gd was done, coming home to do some work (enjoyable, i was super pleased with the results of the previous night's efforts) and eat amazing pancakes before picking up mr smear and heading out to cavendish: public toilets where you don't have to touch anything after washing your hands? yes, please! forgetting the stroller and mr smear napping a short while on my shoulder but waking up far too early, gd finding shoes, and then returning home for an afternoon of mixed work and play; gd skipping off to see the doctor because her ear infection got worse and coming home with worrying news (completely deaf in one ear and a really bad chest infection to boot)...

dropping gd off at the temple, a brief stop for eating and reading (not much of the former) and the regular bedtime story, only earlier than usual and comprising a mix of adorable and aggravating - getting him in bed before 8pm and listening to about twenty minutes of him repeating "no daddy" to himself

a beer, chocolate and the do over - a really funny adam sandler movie - a good chunk of work completed just as the building's power went out

wednesday 6th:

3.30am up for an hour and a half of negotiating before i lost patience and gd took over, waking up completely exhausted after disturbing dreams (although the good witch helped us get away from the bad ones if i recall correctly); working both before and after dropping mr smear off at school (the nanny handled his breakfast) and then taking gd to the family massage therapist, hanging around for the history then picking up mr smear, dropping him at home with the nanny and returning to pick up gd who was feeling good (better, even). inexplicably only returning home an hour later, sending mr smear and the nanny off to the blue train to meet people who weren't there, napping for a bit then dragging myself out of bed to switch with the nanny and swing mr smear for a bit before deciding it was windy and a bit lonely and heading back: both kids (gd included :P) fast asleep so i cancelled the coffee

when you rush to catch an elevator to avoid a local drunk and he sneaks in behind you to loudly hit on a cleaning lady while your two year old is sleeping

brief nap, zombie-state but holding the fort until my mom arrived, mr smear waiting until the last minute to eat his dinner (vegan dumplings ftw!), a fun shower and fairly straightforward bedtime procedure

ozark is excitingly great writing

working in spite of an aggressive need to pass out

thursday 7th:

finally getting into bed at 1.30am, a mostly peaceful night, a cold, wet and windy day

too tired to work in the morning, so catching up on rick and morty and backing up before looking after mr smear after picking him up from school (the bfg is a beautiful translation), the day slowly becoming night with no naps, a visit from my mom and having to walk downstairs at 9pm to ask the guy with the jackhammer if he knew what time it was

friday 8th:

finally getting the latest job done in a satisfying way after a day of struggling to get started

it wasn't clear if the person hammering between 2-2.30am was a construction worker or a neighbour [it wasn't a neighbour], but that level of disrespect leaves me utterly gobsmacked

up at 7am (or earlier?) and resting on the couch, eventually climbing upright to slowly stuff myself with amazing pancakes before dropping mr smear off at school (eating too much and suffering acid reflux as a consequence)

tired but working until pick up time, mr smear chasing after his buddy and cutting goodbyes out entirely, naps and work and trying to backup my workstation (AOEMI backup software crashing my pc, nice one), angry childproof gate hunting, a quick run to the pharmacy (having to get mr smear past a small drunk guy poking me in the arm)

finally beginning to back up my workstation (EaseUS, much better) and a good dinner with my mom, rushing to put mr smear to bed, a conversation on identity politics, an idiot abroad, splashing peroxide, crashing early

saturday 9th:

up early, an emergency shower, mr smear generally behaving well in the synagogue but eventually getting bored; an unnecessary argument with someone who actually agreed with me (miscommunication ftw), from shul to the waterfront but without a stroller and mr smear passing out on my shoulder soon after arriving... tension getting him home and into bed, which didn't last very long, then passing out myself and needing coffee to go on a shopping mission that ended up taking the rest of the day (pharmacy, chinese supermarket, supermarket again, pharmacy at the waterfront with my mom) and rushing home to a dishwasher malfunction, brilliantly done dumplings and bedtime

generally not feeling well, sore feet and exhaustion

vegan chocolate muffin, a chocolate slab and tahini fudge watching the mummy before crashing

sunday 10th:

sleeping pretty deeply, dreaming of eating a LOT of ice cream and that gd and i were going to prison after i helped prevent a stranger from being raped due to an obscure miscarriage of justice

an unpleasant morning, a ceasefire to visit the holiday fair, too much crowd for me leading to more unpleasantness at the mojo market (apparently having emotions isn't an endearing quality) which would persist throughout the day

enforced nap (via psybient dancing), then up for mr smear's first haircut: what a weird transformation! he looks more boyish, but somehow softer

a short park mission until the sunset turned cold, then dr horrible's sing-along blog and dumplings (and a hunter's) before bedtime, finishing the mummy (pretty good, i was constantly surprised by how much better looking the princess was as a zombie goddess), then settling in to post this. which i've been doing with a spiking headache and an uncomfortable ear which i suspect of being in the process of developing an infection. it's now 11.10pm and i'm deciding whether to work or play or rest.

Friday, September 01, 2017

plant-based parenting

our experience raising a plant-based kid has been very validating, global media is flooded with scary stories about fringe morons - certainly not your "garden variety" vegans - in order to portray a plant-based diet in a negative light when reality couldn't be further from the truth.

it's extremely gratifying seeing a long stream of photos of other people's kids in a vegan group, all big and healthy and alert, and reading online lots of personal stories about raising plant-based kids in comment threads, and knowing that so many people are getting it right in spite of the pressures exerted by well-meaning but uninformed friends, family, teachers, and even doctors.

it's natural to be afraid of the unknown, and it's natural to push back at anything that informs you that everything we've been force-fed for generations has been nonsense. this is just an attempt to share an idea that's been buried deep, that you probably won't see anytime soon in your social media feeds or on your television, but that's validated by decades of research and evidence and more and more personal stories every day.

Friday, August 11, 2017

lost time

has it been an hour? i've been trying to concentrate on an interesting problem at work, but my son's been crying for me, and for his mommy, and we've been through holding, me singing to him, formula, him cry-singing to himself, and while i've been out of his room for more than five minutes now i still feel like i might be recalled at any moment :/

tuesday 8th:

a good grind until 2.45am

up at 4.30am for ten minutes of the most annoying sound in the world

up at 7.30am for luna petunia (okay, i guess) and the spongebob movie: sponge out of water (genius), dropping mr smear off and hiding in the bushes to make sure he let go of his teacher before returning home to find the window workers as insulted by the state of our windows as we are ("tell your landlord he should come here and spend a cold night behind these things himself"), signing off on a good job and settling in to work, then running through gd's course material for the day before dropping her off at the acupuncturist

reading and falling asleep for a few minutes in the car, picking up mr smear and letting him play a little before taking him to pick up his mother - he was super busy playing with everyone at the practice, and i've been diagnosed with a repetitive stress injury in my left wrist and forearm - then coming home to nap for a bit

waking up too soon and groggy but ravenous (avo toast and ramen ftw!), an afternoon alternating between a naughty boy and a naughty laptop while trying to get some work done

mr smear's iron poop and an early shower (i suspect the iron supplement makes it magnetic too, but i'm not interested enough to test my hypothesis)

the usual last minute rush to leave, dropping gd off and returning home to finish heating the pies and learn that they were both pepper steak which mr smear isn't interested in, read a couple of books and realize that he was in pyjamas that were cooking him; brushing teeth and bed prep and getting him to sleep a little before 8pm

a beer and battlestar galactica, gd coming home and making me realize that i'd basically put mr smear to bed without supper and forgotten the stuff in the fridge - THAT was a shit feeling - working a little then going to bed early

wednesday 9th:

one waking in the night but otherwise sleeping well until regular alarm time, beginning the public holiday with the spongebob squarepants movie again (because it's brilliant, did i mention that?), the shock of finding a wedding invitation from a friend in my inbox that i somehow missed... in 2010... leaving verrrry slowly for the gym

losing patience with the crèche after twenty minutes watching the carer not care or show any understanding of how to engage with small children

taking mr smear to the park on a busy day, then picking up gd and parking in the golden acre parkade only to turn around and see mr smear fast asleep with half a biscuit in his hand, turning around and going to my mom's coffee shop (picking up veganized wraps from pulp kitchen along the way)

a great tea and incredible wraps, heading home so that gd could shower while i built a lego tower looking after mr smear, verrry slowly leaving for canal walk where we bought a new microwave to replace our out-of-warranty rattler, then hit tong lok for dinner before returning home to feed mr smear some more, shower him and prep him for bed

my wrist getting progressively worse

starting to watch aquarius which looks really interesting, interrupted by a differently interesting dev meeting; carrying up the microwave in the cape town winter air that i remember from my teens, a little texas hold'em (doubling my entirely virtual money in just a few hands)

thursday 10th:

rhyme compilation and work

going to bed around 2am, strange dreams but mostly sleeping until alarm time, waking up really tired with mr smear needy and refusing anyone but me; a dramatic goodbye in class making me certain i'd need to go back for him, dropping gd off at the gym and napping for half an hour before rushing off to pick up gd, pick up mr smear (and catch the class fighting over his lunch), rush through traffic to the pediatrician, be proud of our son's evaluation (advanced motor, identification and language skills), introduce a recently diagnosed osteoporosis sufferer to science-based nutrition (after learning that gd had lectured a couple of people at the gym), race back home to put mr smear to bed and pass out myself (feeling wiped out, almost certainly not sick but as tired as if i was)

waking up to gd panicking about getting to her class on time, heading out to checkers and picking up most of what we needed and coming home and showering mr smear and feeding him and handing him over to my mom; a freezing, wet evening, an interesting but extremely low-level hebrew lesson followed by an engaging talk by a rabbi from brooklyn about jews and civil disobedience, coming home to shovel food into my mouth and slug down a cup of coffee before another dev meeting (it sounds like my project's going to be activated sooner than expected, which is great news), play a few hands of poker (i'm becoming more consistent) and then...

friday 11th:

... and now back to work...

Tuesday, August 08, 2017

the birthday boy

monday 31st:

1.30am up, 4.30am down, 7.15am up

school drop off, hours trying to work but distracted by bureaucracy, finances and recruiter harassment

a second day of disturbingly summery heat, rain worries (as of today, we have about 60 days of water left in cape town and not much rain in sight)

school pick up, mr smear's asthma directing us home instead of the gym, nap and work time, beginning to fall asleep just as mr smear woke up, failed party shopping, hitting the park until sunset, home for dinner panic and dropping gd off at the synagogue then rushing home to pull pies out of the oven and discover an urgent need to shower mr smear before feeding him and getting my mom to pick gd up; a slightly more relaxed bedtime, mr smear throwing up a little but so tired he passed out immediately afterwards

not watching game of thrones (chewing noises and a lack of subtitles, we'll be waiting for the season to become available on showmax), limitless (so far, fun series) then working until 11.30pm

tuesday 1st:

4am up and suffering sciatica, running through dark memories of my first apartment after i joined the army, remembering how crazy i went that i developed a tic of growling and how i would lose myself in music in public in uniform blasting my headphones and dancing or singing, then somehow finding myself googling the autistic guy from my first team and discovering that he's become a respected researcher - and lecturer?!?! - in discrete mathematics

up at 7am to be told how boring my stories are, taking mr smear to school in the rain (not much, but we're grateful for it), the window repair guys forgetting our appointment, breakfast and work and unpleasantness over arts and crafts shops and map fails, picking up mr smear in the cold rain when i was dressed for the day before, "no nanny" letting me know that daddy has to read

the arts and crafts mission to plumstead that ended in a breakdown on the highway in the pouring rain, half an hour of misery until the mechanic arrived and sorted us out in time for us to drive straight back home to relieve the nanny

an uncomfortable evening, good words only coming after bad and cancelling gd's conversion course (logistics of night classes with a toddler and no driver's license)

mr smear definitely sick but hyper busy and naughty, an easy bedtime, shark tank and working until i completed the unit i'd been busy with

wednesday 2nd:

12.30 to bed after some texas hold'em, 5.30am up for a sick-day feed, mr smear and i sleeping in a little before breakfast, an interesting chat with the director of a big recruiting company (who i went to school with), the angry rush to drop gd off at the acupuncturist, an hour chilling with mr smear, driving out to wynberg to an amazing kid's store, developing a relationship with the creepy eyeless life-sized noddy in his coin-operated car, buying a couple of great books for mr smear on the way out then rushing back home

gd's lunch panic and both of us losing our shit, a badly timed call to tell us the conversion program directors had found us a solution, learning that our therapist has had an unimaginably horrible month, mr smear crying to bed then crying out of it (fever), keeping him as comfortable as possible until he started to come right and torment us (cheeky bugger, but funny at least)

our landlord / property manager trying to screw us and shooting themselves in the foot

a positive meeting followed by a little me time followed by an unmotivated dive into code and logs that turned up pretty much what i expected (nada)

thursday 3rd:

mr smear almost making me cry at stupid o'clock in the morning, a locked up back and a damaged wrist

a pleasant restart to the day with breakdancing compilations, the drop off followed by a crusade against pillow theft and reducing my unread email count from 650 to about 500 (it was hovering around 800 a couple of days ago)

dropping off a tray at my mom's, laser hair removal test (for a neck fix required after suffering the unprofessional montréalers), two quick rounds of shopping, an unsuccessful hunt for staplers, mr smear's favourite ginger turmeric soup and the long walk back to the car

my son may drive me nuts at night, but he sings along to ac/dc and falls asleep to nirvana (heart-shaped box) so i guess it's okay

not much of a nap, ordering birthday cake, taking gd to the chiropractor and picking up our pillows (after all that, they're the same kind we already had), getting through the late afternoon, a chat with the RCMP, rushing through shower and dinner for mr smear before my mom arrived and we headed to our first conversion class

an interesting and pleasant evening, feeling welcome and having a good laugh about gd's candle lighting philosophy (keeping god in) and about "nida" ("don't poke the bear")

mr smear spiking a serious fever, to feed or not to feed sparking a serious but positive resolution, shark tank and trying to work

friday 4th:

but tweaking and fixing my pc until 1.30am because nothing was running

mr smear sleeping, but then not eating...

the early waterfront mission (no cell signal, crappy balloons and vegan junk food, wellness warehouse vegan lunch, amazing books for a friend, mr smear's short nap and my stopping the giant vegan cupcake halfway, mr smear super needy, fighting forex "advisors" who i believe were pranking me, chicken shopping for my family (grabbing the last ones), mr smear coughing to the beach then indicating that he needed to be changed prompting me to return (he didn't), the sudden horror realizing that gd needed to be in synagogue earlier than usual and that we had three overlapping engagements the next morning and that we needed rice, excessively over-ordering from the chinese restaurant downstairs and dropping gd off and picking up the rice and grabbing stuff for mr smear and taking him to my mom's in heavy gusts of wind, helping to arrange furniture and replace bulbs and then joining gd at shul; running into the slightly inebriated recruiter boss i'd talked to earlier and enjoying a joyful service,

my cousin's kid's gone vegetarian, so my brother-in-law learned over and whispered "you may have gotten to him, but you'll never get me"
"no, but the grim reaper will"
later on he surprised me by remarking on how well i've taken to parenting: in a relationship based on flippant jibes a compliment becomes really powerful

an entertaining evening after a much needed triple shot of whiskey, coming home with a sleeping baby in the cold wind, limitless and the rest of the cupcake and bed

saturday 5th:

another rough night, not up a lot but each time thoroughly resetting my rest clock

being dragged out of bed to drag mr smear out of bed to drive to hout bay, learning to trust waze more and more along the way

a lovely morning at the beach (though our friends' vegan deli appears to have gone out of business), a few interesting interactions with other parents, picking up gd and driving through to dolce's bakery to pick up mr smear's vegan chocolate mousse cake (and an irresistible "vegan acp") then returning home to put him down for a nap before storing the cake at my mom's; not much of a rest before he woke up and gd left for my mom's to work on her party crafts, an afternoon taking care of mr smear alone which was mostly fun... the bike tantrum at the end of the promenade notwithstanding...

our landlord's property manager repeating the same stupid things she'd been telling us and forcing us to fight over our contract

evening sick, gd and i utterly buggered and mr smear coughing until he puked, not helped by the fact that he's barely eaten in three days

a little limitless and the first new episode of rick and morty, a little rls, some awesomenauts and jordan peterson and bed at 11...

sunday 6th:

a couple of events during the night and waking up feeling like i'd missed two nights' sleep completely, mr smear's not-so-bad birthday morning

bad communication all around and serious party mismanagement, finally arriving at the park at the time we'd invited everyone to arrive but fortunately (and with lots of help from my mom and the nanny) putting together a fun (and over-catered) event with friends and family

the satisfying general disbelief that the cake was vegan

home for the great unwrapping (serious loot!) and the desperate enforcement of nap time, waking up to delicious leftovers and going down to the supermarket for a chocolate as an excuse to break a big note to pay our nanny; running into one of mr smear's classmates throwing a tantrum and having his grandmother inform me "he's a real problem child" before making an ass of herself by refusing to tell me which floor she wanted

a pleasant afternoon (mr smear didn't want any cake, and in an attempt to show him that he was missing out i ate too much myself)

a pleasant sunset plastic bike ride on the promenade until the wind came up, then home just before my mom arrived for a drink, mr smear singing himself to sleep with "ani kuni"

shark tank, rick and morty, cake and oranges and bed

monday 7th:

omg a full night's sleep and waking mr smear up in the morning, no cough until we started getting ready for school, dropping him off, coming home to confirm that nedbank's stupid mistakes are going to cost us, amicably firing the cleaning lady after days stressing about it, the school calling us to pick up a constantly coughing and needy mr smear, walking to the police station (hah! he said "canadia") then seeing the doctor (apparently mr smear's fine), home for lunch

feeding mr smear (yay!), dealing with his boredom while gd cooked, trying to make the right calls about potty training, passing out on the couch for a couple of minutes and then trying to lie down but giving up because all the stresses sprang to the fore, resigning myself to caffeine and getting something done instead

taking a PPI for the first time in a few days

lots busy, few results, taking mr smear and his bike for a walk:
a. skateboard mentality showing on the steps / ramp of the sabc building
b. watching parachuters land
c. trying to involve himself in a boxing group
d. refusing to go around obstacles along the promenade wall, saying "shalom" for the first time, then refusing to do so when a woman spoke hebrew to him

work / dinner / shower (singing "anomaly" to anna molly and making me super proud), limitless (it's frustrating that even on nzt the protagonist can be a moron sometimes), completing a task, playing texas hold'em and betting large with the winning hand but losing to an interface failure.

awesomenauts vs people: discovered that that wasn't going to happen because nobody geographically near me plays; so i tried another game with bots, giving up after 40 minutes because bots are freakin' stupid and it always ends up me, alone, versus three of the bastards. i promptly uninstalled it.

today:

now that i've posted, i'm ready to get back to work...

Monday, July 31, 2017

sleep training

at 1.30am i got mr smear back to bed and turned in myself. then i got up to worry about firing the cleaning lady in the morning. nice.

thursday 13th:

almost an hour longer at my desk after posting, then going to bed... aaaand then up at six with everyone else, in spite of a brief attempt to sleep in a little

dropping off mr smear with a good feeling - better than the day before, that's for sure - getting a couple of things done then heading off to the gym for a brisk sudoku walk and a couple of minutes of pad work (gd made me proud). picking up a very happy mr smear, who competed at the top of his lungs with kmfdm as we drove to pick up gd, then started to fall asleep as we arrived home when we only had half an hour to go before viewing an apartment... we put him to bed and i stayed home while gd went to see the place

just falling asleep when she called with a positive review, struggling with a gap insurance claim

mr smear throwing tantrums for the rest of the day

taking mr smear to play with friends and finding help with our cleaning lady issues, rushing off to see another apartment (cramped and viewless, but nice complex), mom joining us during a quick shopping run, giving notice on our apartment, going to sleep as soon as mr smear was in bed

friday 14th:

getting most of a good night, still tired and grumpy waking up, a little harlock: space pirate before dropping mr smear off at school, rushing off to his screaming for me to get gd to her acupuncture appointment on time which turned out to be half an hour later, coming home for a brief respite before picking her up again and going to the gym, rushing out of the gym to pick up mr smear, run to the chinese store, scarf down toast with avo and rush off to my massage appointment.

a good massage and a positive inversion experience, returning home and hurriedly grabbing and dressing mr smear and rushing out to the park (i felt like i should have had a siren on the car) shouting and singing at mr smear to keep him from falling asleep

a pleasant half hour or so, then coming back home to dress and hand mr smear off to my mom and rush off to the temple - i'd thought we had a half hour more than we did - for a service that wasn't very inspiring but piqued my interest on a number of topics

dinner with mom and mr tantrum, getting him to bed (the struggle was real) and saying goodnight to my mom before settling in to american gods and chocolate and chai and falling fast asleep

saturday 15th:

a couple of times up but generally sleeping well and getting up at 8am of my own volition

hunter x hunter and delicious pancakes, seeing an apartment, sorting out a prescription and awkwardly navigating a pharmacist who didn't seem to understand me, heading straight down to the car to meet a mechanic and realizing - while he had the door lock mechanism in his hands - that we were late for the showing of peter pan at canal walk...

... arriving half an hour late but mr smear thoroughly enjoying what remained, meeting a bunch of other parents and discovering that mr smear's new best friend's father is an old buddy of dirk diggler's, a mall train ride and the excitement of sitting in a stationary car at the games arcade, chinese for lunch and a proper tantrum leaving the mall

mr smear went from screaming to sleeping in a minute, but we woke him putting him into bed and that was the end of any napping :(

hunter x hunter on a miserable afternoon, at least gd got him to eat a lot before bedtime but unfortunately that didn't prevent him from demanding feeds throughout the night

the disappointing season finale of american gods - the last few episodes really weren't as awesome as the first few - before turning in early, exhausted

sunday 16th:

a long, tedious night followed by a long, tedious morning; a quick mission to baby city and the plastic store before lunch, lunch, a long coffee with an uncooperative mr smear and an old friend (born the same minute), then waiting for my mom (was the friendly "grandmother" by the elevators flirting with me?!), visiting my great aunt and taking a pleasant walk (thoroughly enjoying the vegan ice cream at mojo market)

home, hunter x hunter and bedtime, finishing hidden figures (wow! wonderful film) and then working on my graphic novel landing page - finally happy enough with it to focus on other aspects

monday 17th:

going to bed around 3am after an hour or so risking a repetitive stress injury scraping all the family pictures i've posted to instagram so we can try to make a physical album

... aaand up at 7am...

a busy morning, learning that our cleaning lady's really sick on the same day we planned on giving her notice, dropping off gd at the acupuncturist and taking mr smear for a meander around mojo market, inadvertently joining a visiting group of teen rugby players for breakfast and giving beet box another opportunity to show me that i shouldn't buy their shakes...

a doctor's visit to assure gd that she's in good health, mr smear napping and me following suit, interviewing a nanny and dragging him out of bed for his portion of the interview: all of us very satisfied

doing various things while waiting for an onboarding meeting that wasn't going to take place for a while, including chatting with our apartment's property manager who appears to be on our side but with her hands tied by idiot landlord man and a secretive body corporate

a last-chance walk to the pharmacy to fill out a prescription for meds we'd run out of, a short time with my mom, showering mr smear (this screaming thing is nuts, i don't know if something's hurting him or not but if it is it doesn't make any sense)

work, long meeting, a little more work, bed

tuesday 18th:

another sleepless night, up at 6am to work for a couple of hours before starting mr smear's day with hunter x hunter and breakfast then leaving for the dentist; these hour-long appointments are consistently taking an hour and a half...

home for lunch, stressing over the nanny not communicating and certain we made a mistake in cancelling the second nanny's interview, responding really badly to the stress

taking mr smear out for some exercise on the promenade, two tantrums and feeling on the verge of a breakdown making me feel sure we're not ready for another kid... gd reassuring me when we got home, throwing myself into work while she entertained him until he finally passed out at 4pm

most of a work call uninterrupted, then a mix of business and dinner and minding mr smear until shower time... discovering that the reason for his cries the previous evenings were that the water wasn't hot enough!

mr smear singing along to my extension of "row, row, row your boat", after calling out "BOOK... OF THE DEAD" the previous night when we got to the necronomicon in c is for cthulu the night before: super proud dad ^_^

an episode of vikings (pretty cool) and both of us going to bed early

wednesday 19th:

mr smear only waking up at 4am the first time, getting up and spending a couple of hours trying to get a newly spun up azure virtual machine to download software (wtf?!), then going back to bed and being able to sleep in once the nanny arrived

waking up around 8.30am and working straight through to 1pm, minor interruptions by mr smear but mostly focused and getting a complicated puzzle piece completed

resting, dr who, cranial nerve pressure and dancing in the aquarium

feeding ourselves rice like grownups, and helping to pick it up off the floor like grownups, grain by grain

granny visit and a beer, trying to shower in accordance with the updated water restrictions, a smooth goodnight, most of another episode of vikings and an hour and a half meeting cut by cries from mr smear's room

thursday 20th:

awesomenauts, class diagrams, 2.15am to bed, 7am to rise, not feeling healthy or wealthy or wise

yokai, hunter x hunter, pancakes and coffee, gd's insanely delicious vegan cupcakes, coffee at bootleggers with an old friend who returned my mega memory cassette tapes that he'd borrowed when we were fifteen

back to square one with the nannies, primi piatti for the kids area and a good lunch, back home for an interview but the nanny got lost and meeting her began just as i had to get on an important phone call with a new hire; he would have had trouble understanding us even without the background noise, and i wasn't prepared, in addition to being thoroughly tired

mr smear breastfed to sleep but beyond a power nap not being able to take advantage because my feet began to hurt, desperate munchies (the last cupcake included), a little work before mr smear woke up

diapers off, a couple of attempts on the potty but mostly just peeing on me; goat simulator may not be good for children (or anyone), but it entertained us all nonetheless. struggling to get him to eat dinner, not struggling with the shower or toothbrushing for the first time in days

vikings, an illuminating chat with a coworker and bed

friday 21st:

a couple of rough wakeups during the night, one really upsetting but i think i handled it well

feeling much better in the morning, mr smear loving yokai and breakfast, a visit to the baby centre for weaning counseling and a vaccine, pleasantly surprised to hear that i've had the right idea all along

hitting the gym, then home for lunch and hunter x hunter, going down for a nap with mr smear and waking up to mr smear with a swollen sore leg and a nightmare fight with gd; a sour prescription pickup and promenade walk, my mom coming over for a short while and then dinner and bedtime and work

saturday 22nd:

going to bed just before 5am after a night of solid work, some awesomenauts and a bit of ftl

a couple of minor wakeups but mostly resting for five or six hours, getting out of bed to find the nanny had taken mr smear out for a couple of hours and enjoying an easy breakfast and coffee

sailor arriving for lunch with his girlfriend, everyone getting along famously, gd slicing her hand instead of the avocado, a great afternoon with mr smear receiving attention and affection from all sides, eventually saying goodbye and meeting up with my mom for a dusk walk, dinner and mr smear "wasting" gd's ramen, showering with fun music

my son and i rocking out together to enter sandman while drying him off was a lot of fun, minor moaning about going to bed, game of thrones season 7 starting strong, work and gaming (texas hold'em, puzzle agent and awesomenauts)

sunday 23rd:

until 1.30am

a 3am tantrum followed by a brief pause followed by a really big one, another break at 3.30 and finally back to bed just after 4

up at 9am! hunter x hunter and breakfast, followed by a great gym session when it was warm enough outside to use the grid; running fast and comfortably with motivation for the first time in a very long time, feeling really good and heading home for a shower and lunch; mr smear napping and us taking full advantage, waking up a little before him completely - but comfortably - exhausted

col'cacchio's for dinner, another two little playmates there keeping each other (and me) very busy, good food, generally good service except for the manager making us wait because his loyalty system wasn't working, quickly shopping - or waiting for gd to shop - "no row row row", "no tar", "no la la la"

the sudden, surprising and deeply unpleasant sciatica on my left side, home for a fast-tracked bedtime and my mom coming over to pick up gd and let me handle mr smear for the night; showing him around the empty apartment for his 10pm attempt to second-breastfeed before bed seeming to work

finally watching what the health in its entirety and being thoroughly impressed

monday 24th:

"self care" (gaming) until 1am

3.30-4am minor heartbreak, initially holding him but eventually getting him to lie down and moan himself back to sleep; for the next hour or so i couldn't sleep so i set about investigating why my computer wasn't sleeping

the loud banging on the front door at 7am scaring the bejeesus out of me (i'd accidentally locked gd out), taking a little while for my heart to slow down and then sleeping another hour before being dragged out of bed to drag mr smear out of bed

rushing through bad traffic to drop gd off, home for a short while then picking her up again, both of us exhausted (did we pick up a bug?), mr smear going down for a nap around lunchtime just as the building renovations commenced with non-stop jackhammer work that lasted until a few minutes after he woke up 2.5 hours later (grateful for that, i napped most of that myself) (they then fired up again a short while later)

key cutting, a pharmacy run and a home playdate with a post-tonsillectomy child out of commission and his little brother showing mr smear he wasn't welcome (child politics), a cold walk back to the grocery store, a big little shopping run and then dinner, shower and clean-mom's-laptop time before the last breastfeed of the day and saying goodnight to everyone

slowly building steam with my work, a couple of breaks for awesomenauts and texas hold'em

tuesday 25th:

all quiet until 2am, then an hour with mr smear that taught me a couple of lessons... in my desperation to get him back to bed i tried a number of things, and weirdly enough timeouts had the most impact. also, i need to minimize comforting him myself when his first choice comfort isn't around.

finally crashing at 4am, exhausted before the night began and having a busy morning ahead of me

up at 7am for an unpleasant misunderstanding, dragging mr smear out of bed for his first feed, the new nanny's arrival, missed breakfast and rushed coffee and dropping off mr smear and returning home to pick up his lunch and return to the school to drop off the lunch and drive to the car rental agency in the pouring rain with dangerously stupid drivers and pedestrians all around

starting the long earth while i waited
glove compartment contents for breakfast
pancakes, coffee and a month's worth of recruiters to politely decline
picking up a jovial mr smear, getting through lunch (keeping mr smear off the nanny so she could eat hers), eventually getting a bit of a nap before rls kicked in

electricity bill fiasco
enjoying books with mr smear
dinner and shower
mr smear singing along to "yeah, yeah, yeah, thunderstruck!" was AWESOME
driving the family to my mom's, hanging around while gd breastfed him goodnight, taking him home and getting him down in ten minutes by employing my new strategy (long may it last)

zombie state along with my pc (mistakenly locked myself in to a backup procedure that took hours longer than expected), going to bed and

wednesday 26th:

waking up with mr smear at 7am (O_o) (!!!)

hunter x hunter and mr smear singing along in japanese, crazy drivers, school drop off, work (and work environment annoyances), migrating git changes by hand, picking up mr smear late after getting stuck in fire traffic: his teacher is as excited as we are that he's now talking non-stop

no napping, harmonica and lunch and and eventually taking him to the park in desperation, a long chat with a neighbour, ruffians at the park, mr smear and the sandcastles (and figuring out what the little shovel is for), home for a chat with another recruiter followed by a dev meeting followed by investigating issues with my first project, gd letting mr smear crash at 6pm (living dangerously) while i did some quick grocery shopping, mom's brief visit and shadowslight coming over, gd and my mom leaving soon after i got mr smear to sleep and enjoying an interesting and wide-ranging conversation with shadowslight until almost 11pm

thursday 27th:

crashing at 1am
brief waking at 2am (no threats needed!)
up at 7am, dr horrible's sing-along blog and mr smear mimicking the foot stomping from it's a brand new day while singing "die!", dropping him off at school and coming home to stare glumly at unreadable legacy code while considering shadowslight's enticing pitch to work for him

lying down for twenty minutes before going out for another showdown with telkom, helpful dude agreeing that i've been overpaying

picking up mr smear, a short stop at home then heading to town to hunt down the south african visa authorities: first barrack street, then the absa building (i was shocked to find empty vfs offices with no bell, security was shocked to see me exit when they hadn't seen me go in), waiting my turn to find out that i'd moved on to the wrong building, finding the right building and struggling to navigate the entrance (security pointed to a locked turnstile, i was supposed to guess that the panel next to it was unlocked), the lifts (they claimed the floor i was entering was invalid, turns out there're two sets of lifts), and then being instructed in no uncertain terms that the waiting room was sitting only (i thought the security guard was going to put me in the naughty corner for offering to stand)

a helpful man, leaving via the wrong door (seriously?! it led to the same place as the right door!), another recruiter call (holy crap there're a lot of the buggers), home, the nanny bringing in a sleeping mr smear, a short break interrupted by another recruiter (what is it with these people?!) and mr smear waking up sooner than anticipated, a pharmacy run, gd's chiropractor appointment, another pharmacy stop then finally home
standard bedtime and falling asleep during the ghostbusters reboot

friday 28th:

another night sleeping, only i kept waking up every time mr smear talked in his sleep
mr smear not sick, but not well enough for school
the ghostbusters remake is awesome, clever and silly and lots of fun
running mr smear out in the park
lunch with my mom at her work and buying great book gifts
rushing home with gd annoyed by the challenge of finding baby changing stations
getting some work done
friday night service (52 weeks of annoying singing to go, but good sermon)
forgotten dinner
the case of the missing antibiotics: the horror of learning that mr smear had stolen them and the gratitude for gd finding them unused and in the trash
dinner, shower, bedtime, texas hold'em, work meeting, awesomenauts, work

saturday 29th:

until 1am

a couple of minor wakeups and a little bit of threatening timeouts followed by another night of keeping me on alert

up early, mr smear refusing breakfast, a big birthday bash, short nap time struggling to play ghost in the shell, giving up just as mr smear woke up, skipping a birthday party because we thought he was sick, but then it turned out he wasn't, a walk to the blue train, a ride and playing until the sunset cooled and it got chilly, dropping by my mom's, all of us going to our place for great chinese from downstairs and discovering that for a year we've been living above a really good restaurant

quick bedtime prep followed by a very unpleasant good night, a good hour of tension, a little ghost in the shell and passing out exhausted and uneasy

sunday 30th:

2am nightmare ("why, mommy?!"), 5am giving up (breastfeeding), early up for motorstorm: apocalypse, some work, and trying to sort out outlook for my mom (why do all of microsoft's products have to suck?)

a very pleasant birthday party on a really hot and sunny day, coming home for a bit of a struggle (diapers off, fending off mr smear from my food - which wasn't as good as his)

nap, waking up to draw cash for the nanny, an episode of limitless, work, taking mr smear for a walk and enjoying a very nice evening with friends (a repeat of the previous evening's chinese takeout)

shower, relatively easy bedtime, battlestar galactica, finishing ghost in the shell (not the same story as the original, but very good in its own right)

very frustrating rls and a little more work before bed

monday 31st:

1.30am up, gd preparing a bottle of formula: one taste, handing it back with a "please" and going back to sleep... well, everyone else, anyway.

Sunday, July 23, 2017

food relationships

if you could taste the most delicious thing in the whole world, knowing that it would never be enough and you could never be satisfied by just the taste, would you do it? what if you knew it would make you feel bad afterwards?

if you could eat something thoroughly satisfying that tastes good, although perhaps not amazing, would you eat it? what if you knew it would make you feel good afterwards?

i feel like a lot of our relationships to food could be explained by our answers to these questions.

Thursday, July 13, 2017

strategy

i have a six-item list of instructions to get my head out of my ass, and i have them in front of me. one item that's not on the list but that appears to be a result of making and using the list is "be present", a little bit of an attitude adjustment is actually taking the edge off the really scary shit and letting me do what needs to be done. i haven't been "now" in two years, it's rather refreshing.

---
tuesday 11th:

a much improved night having understood that sleeping on my back with our current "orthopedic" "memory foam" pillows is worse than on my side, up a few times with stuffy noses (mr smear too) but generally feeling better in the morning

an improved morning attitude on my part, dropping mr smear off and picking up my new iphone protector (redpepper, it's actually way better than the lifeproof in most ways!) and then coming home to heavy construction noise

apartment hunting, contacting the israeli consulate and receiving unwelcome instructions, picking up mr smear and heading to the gym

new headphones packed into their box with such optimization that you can never put them away again, just enough time for a jog and a shower before racing off to the dentist

almost two hours for an hour long appointment because mr smear pooped and lost his turn, by the time the dentist was ready to see him again he'd had enough, rendering the entire hour pointlessly exhausting

home, then heading out from a fight to see an apartment and the agent turned out to be the mother of the kid whose party we crashed a while back, the place wasn't the best fit for us and an awkward moment was had later when another agent with a property in the same block took my number

a mostly pleasant evening, an efficient bedtime, leftovers and an episode of bojack horseman (not bad, not amazing either), and falling asleep not long into netflix's castlevania (stunning)

wednesday 12th:

up about five times due to weaning failure, angrily giving up on sleeping and starting the day with a puppy documentary which was great until the parts about circus training (fuckers) and the dog bakery (that shit's so offensive i don't even know where to begin, there are people and animals starving ffs)

i dropped mr smear off - he bawled pitifully and i waited a few minutes to get the all-clear before leaving - then spent the following three hours actually getting stuff done. gd and i hunted for our old memory foam pillows, extending the search and finding them in my mom's storage, picked up fluoride tablets and then went to the school to find mr smear playing adorably with his new best friend; it took us a while to cajole and coerce the two before we could get them out of the sandpit and home for a nap

going down, but not without a fight

getting more stuff done, resting a bit, waking painfully from deep sleep to a stressful rush to ready an irritated mr smear for photographs at a talent agency

a very welcoming experience, followed by a quick visit to the cool clothing store next to the building i grew up in, paying the parking attendant before checking out a boardgame cafe before heading home for a not-unpleasant evening

beginning hidden figures, playing a little tekken, strategizing for a personal project

thursday 13th:

an hour and a half of clearing my desk and prioritizing and organizing, including posting this and going to bed.

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

in sickness and...

after four days out of action, i've just taken a week's sick leave in order to sort out my life and my priorities. for years i've primarily been reacting instead of acting, and managing my affairs in a haphazard and reckless manner. four four days i've been sick and in pain, and now that i'm starting to come right i'm also starting to see a pattern that suggests that while i may have been hit by the flu, i may well just have been hit by a nerve issue similar to the one i suffered in april. if that's the case i'm in big trouble and something has to change.

as i just told protoplasm, i believe what i need - could i afford it - is a year of shutting myself away and getting all the shit in my head out into code or on paper. but i can't afford it, and it's gotta come out.

---
monday 26th:

working until 3am for the first time in a while

a couple of wakings during the night but easy for the first time in a week

starting the day with my first coffee in a couple of days and getting some work done, then a big mission to see a pulmonary specialist: i wish we'd been referred a year ago, it turns out that we've been handling mr smear's asthma and allergies all wrong the entire time. AND that the last week's trauma has been the flu, which is why the meds weren't really making a difference; apparently it's a particularly difficult flu to diagnose.

dropping mr smear at home and taking gd to the chiropractor, then back home and arranging for gd's friend to ship our stuff from montréal

nap time, everyone waking up around 6.30pm, dinner and shower time and playtime and bedtime and throw-up-again time

cleanup and bedtime and glow and hating the canada post website

tuesday 27th:

working until 4am, then getting into bed and spending an hour or two anxiously fretting over something that the paediatrician asked about mr smear that i don't think anyone has mentioned to us before - or that we clean forgot - and that should have been taken care of a year and a half ago

mr smear waking up unhappily, by the time he finally calmed down my hip was hurting so badly that there was no chance of me getting any rest

not the best morning, but gd's pancakes and coffee helped. a little reassurance about my earlier concerns, then some great news from my mom (got a call to work for the first time in a year)

a not-unpleasant meeting at the gym to explain why we won't be renewing our contract, then a pleasant while playing in the park before coming home to eat and nap

being woken by a call from a forex broker, gd's conversion programme acceptance, taking mr smear to the hardware store and the chinese store, then doing a big grocery shopping before dinner and a celebratory drink with my mom

SxS's big news!

mr smear beginning to copy new words immediately and unprompted

bedtime, glow, work

wednesday 28th:

working until just before 2am, about half an hour of hacknet, bed

mr smear starting the day early by pointing and crying in random directions, trying (and failing) to find something to watch to grab his attention and keep him near his breakfast, dropping him off at school and coming back home to a bad attempt at turning off my anxiety

work, picking up mr smear, a sudden and violent squishy ejection (squishy is a baby food product) while reading to him on the couch, the setup for a fight, hacknet and work, taking an unhappy mr smear to the park for a cold sunset

work, bathtime, dinner and glow (omg it's so incredibly awful it's brilliant!), awkwardly accepting my brother's dinner invitation, then working through

thursday 29th:

until 3am, minus a brief evaluation of my credit card charges that led me to understand that my bank's been stealing from me for quite a few months now

sophisticated weird dreams, my alarm pulling me out of a parking lot jam we'd been patiently driving out off with great trance music in the car

a serious spasm and nerve pinch in my neck / upper back

dropping mr smear off at school, working, gd trying to fix me before we finally got to the gym; a gentle treadmill jog and some bag work with a trainer who's preparing for a december fight (i probably shouldn't have asked if he was a beginner, but aside from bad form he was smashing the bag with his wedding ring on), then rushing off to pick up mr smear

shopping, lunch, and mr smear refusing to nap when i desperately needed it... of course as soon as we headed off to the waterfront he passed out, after i'd caffeined up with zang

a miserable mall mission with gd and me pressing each other's buttons while hunting basic kids' winter gear and finding nothing, then driving to the chiropractor, then coming home

signing papers for my mom, getting mr smear ready for bed, pulling him out of bed for a last feed and then dealing with a vomit volcano (as horrifying as it sounds)

ordering a credit card with half the interest (those bastards for conning me into the old one), gd's friend sorting out the shipment that i messed up, juggling finances and crashing early to have enough energy to work during the night

friday 30th:

one of those painful nights when sleeping is worse than not sleeping, up and hurting at 4.30am

gd treating me a little, enough to be able to work, and climbing back into bed exhausted just as my alarm went off; pokemon and cashew yoghurt, tantrums on the way out but arriving happily at the school

caustic soda and reading wired at the gym (now that my subscription's run out, i'm finally starting to get through my two year backlog), leaving to pick up mr smear in the pouring rain we were unprepared for

lunchtime not naptime before heading out to the paediatrician in the rain: a pleasant examination, thoroughly relieving my anxiety (yay! we haven't screwed up our son yet!), and mr smear's first blood test which wasn't easy but he was very brave and chilled out almost as soon as it was over

getting through the afternoon, including a walk to the pharmacy with headphones and my own playlist which i haven't done in forever, struggling with my neck and an IT problem at work

an awkward but not unpleasant dinner with my brother and a lot of people, coming home with an exhausted mr smear and watching the season finale of glow but passing out just before the end

saturday 1st:

another tough night for my neck, really struggling in the morning; dropping gd off at the gym and taking mr smear to the park, not finding our playdate because she was at the wrong park, the mother on the seesaw weighing much more than me, the big kids' slides and aggressive little buggers

taking gd to the chinese store, mr smear falling asleep soundly until i bumped his head putting him back in the car and ending any chances of him napping, battlestar galactica and gd's unsuccessful first miso / ramen / fungi experiment and hours becoming wearier while mr smear became more bored and wired, eventually mom visiting for a couple of hours, a long story getting mr smear to eat but winning eventually, then shower and bedtime and taking a moment to be grateful for the end of a very tiring day

finishing night of the jabberwock having thoroughly enjoyed it

chris d'elia - man on fire, hacknet and going to bed feeling much better

sunday 2nd:

a decent rest and a still-sore but not as bad neck, breakfast with octopuses (most intelligent animal on earth), a mission to the sea point street merchants who weren't there, gym with granny (good jump rope, kicking the bag and walking until i solved sudoku), shitty macha latte and a broken new book, then driving to canal walk

i love humanity, i love people, but nothing brings out my inner misanthrope like a crowded mall

mr smear waking up just as we finished lunch, going back to sea point for grocery shopping then returning home to find that someone had defecated in the stairwell

adventure time and hummus before putting mr smear to bed: mr smear's kisses make up for a lot

a little chris d'elia, a little horror, then a good amount of work

monday 3rd:

and restarting hacknet because following the first mission "correctly" makes a later one nigh-impossible

bed by 2.30, up by 7.30, mr smear happily eating his breakfast to vitalic's poison lips, first day of holiday school, gd's haircut (excuse to read wired), gym (some more reading, running and sudoku, a little jump rope and bag work), picking up mr smear in our "active wear", showering and napping while the cleaning lady watched him, watching him during vacuuming, then heading out to the massage therapist

an hour of painful but excellent massage, coming home to mr smear late napping, trying multiple books and howl's moving castle, gd making crazy good sandwiches, mr smear's inexplicable discomfort in the shower (days later and i'm pretty confident he's just messing with me), a difficult time getting him to bed and all of us passing out until midnight

tuesday 4th:

--- our second anniversary! ---

a tough night, up quite a few times, unable to get comfortable with my pillow, the heavy return of sciatica to compensate for the relaxation, and nightmares

up at 5am to work, down at 7am for a power nap, howl's moving castle, dropping off mr smear and coming home to a solid work session

lying down for a bit then going to the gym, another drink that tasted like a barn, reading the first heretic for a bit then picking up mr smear

school hide and seek with the parents losing, needing to swipe wet wipes to change mr smear before picking up gd and going grocery shopping and the "sensitive" ones causing a rash

running into a few people, one of whom gave mr smear milk chocolate without asking first and causing panic (we had allergex in his ready bag, which we very fortunately had with us)

long shopping and everyone tired out by the time we arrived home (nap time!), a busy but generally pleasant evening with howl's moving castle, a touch-and-go bedtime with mr smear taking about an hour to actually fall asleep once he'd been tucked into bed, beginning synchronicity, finishing hacknet and working well

wednesday 5th:

until 3am, sleeping relatively well until 7am and waking up still with a sore neck but much improved

gd's pancakes for breakfast (the usual, and so good!), dropping off mr smear, passing out for an hour or two trying to watch extraordinary: the stan romanek story, waking up to my first coffee (cold) and another round of pancakes (i've lost enough weight that my wedding ring's slipping again) and finally knocking items off my todo list that could easily have been taken care of months ago (that's burnout for you)

picking up mr smear, his insistence on walking me through the primary school, meeting his new friend by the big tree (the two of them walking hand in hand as we left was too cute), potential napping interrupted by a sneeze and a case of the giggles

giving the gym crèche another chance and enjoying a good workout, rushing home to receive something and an hour or two struggling with a tired-wired and naughty little boy; mom swinging by and giving us a bit of a break, chugging a coffee and showering and putting mr smear to bed

a long dev meeting fiddling with ms teams tools, installing vs2017 and checking out octodad (disorienting, but fun), fact checking plant agriculture vs animal water usage because ignorant people have such strong opinions

thursday 6th:

bedtime around 1am... err, 2am and blurry eyed after an installation crash

sleeping soundly but too little, waking up to another crash (vs2017 ftw), a mixed morning with good breakfast followed by inexplicable tantrums, dropping mr smear off with his regular teacher on the way to the holiday class, walking to my mom's to pick up my new credit card (that was fast!), then about to get into work when the fridge repairman arrived to explain how our fridge is fine but we've been fridging wrong

pancakes and tiredness

picking up mr smear, dropping him off at the gym crèche, reading wired and enjoying a turmeric and lentil curry, an impromptu coffee with my cousin who i've been trying to catch for a while

a short nap before the therapist arrived, a good session ending on a sad note, mr smear waking up a little later, a not unpleasant evening and joined by my mom, putting mr smear to bed and realizing just how insanely tired i was

very suddenly feeling thoroughly sick, convinced that it was nervous (then i'd forget that i'd thought that it was nervous, and now i think it was nervous again)

friday 7th:

up just after midnight to purge dinner and undo a day or two's worth of healing in my neck, an hour later suspecting food poisoning

you know you're sick when... in a dream i couldn't recall what year it was, someone eventually said "1925" and i believed them

up and hurling a couple more times, feeling worse as the night wore on; not sure how i managed to get up and drive to the school the first time (i almost passed out from the smell of mr smear's diaper after he'd shoved a hand in there - i'm very glad that he was as horrified by the result as we were), but the second time was all thanks to a combination of panado and zofar

taking gd and mr smear to the gym, trying to rest in the car, walking inside and from the moment mr smear saw me enter being forced to hold him until we left

gd giving me some time to rest before going shopping, mr smear fully energized, the rush to prepare everyone for their first synagogue experience and its predictable unpleasantness (the rush, not the synagogue)

enjoying a surprisingly good warhammer story in the first heretic, receiving a fascinatingly good report of gd and mr smear's first temple experience

gd's burgers and a highly active mr smear, reading a physical local community newspaper before bed

saturday 8th:

up and struggling at 1am, a long night and waking up stiff and sore all over, spirited away and breakfast and coffee

upset over misunderstanding over satellite clusters on an astronomy app

a gym mission, a park mission, a nap, an exhausting afternoon with a two year-old who repeatedly hurt us, mom's visit, assisting my coworker with git, mr smear getting wilder as the evening wore on, eventually putting him to bed quite late

a little more synchronicity before passing out

sunday 9th:

gd and i both up around 3am, i was sore and uncomfortable and struggled until mr smear woke up unhappy, at which point i compressed my discomfort into half my usual space so that he could lie between us; he woke up at 7am, i read to him a little before putting on alice in wonderland and trying to rest on the couch... that ended with being smashed in the face with lego to inform me that he needed breakfast...

survival mode until my mom arrived to take gd and mr smear out while i stayed home and watched stuff i can't normally watch (a hard-hitting episode of vice on meat and water, and the big fat truth)

lying down for a bit, then rejoining gd in the never-ending game of whac-a-mole that is a two year-old, eventually taking meds so we could take him to the aquarium; he had a great time with a bunch of other wound-up kids, then joined us relatively calmly for dinner at col'cacchio's which was really nice. getting some shopping done, mr smear dashing our dreams of him falling asleep before we got home by thoroughly soaking himself with a water bottle, picking up something from my mom, coming home and speeding through the bedtime ritual

milestone for the day: my son has just learned the word "sorry". he uses it just before he does something he needs to be sorry for.

finally watching the sixth episode of american gods, which was awesome, but would've been better with subtitles.

monday 10th:

another long night, though not as rough, really weird dreams including being late for our second wedding in a town with a sci-fi convention and staying in a hotel with revolting barracks toilets; buying a street dog with an app and then being approached by another that was somehow still walking around though it had been sliced in half from nose to tail with its organs (halved) showing but in place, thinking mr smear's stroller had gone down a hill and ending up in a mansion i'd played in regularly as a child; becoming emotional but annoying the new owners, noticing that we all had the same paediatrician

a challenging morning with my head spinning and my lips tingling and unnecessary tension in the house, dropping off mr smear and coming home to an hour or so of sleep, breakfast and coffee and dropping gd off at the acupuncturist

quick finances, rushing past my mom's to pick up something that mysteriously wasn't there, rushing to pick up gd, arriving late and waiting for a few minutes; picking up mr smear and driving straight through the gym

mr smear heartbroken when the little girl left, nap time and meditation time (with gd's help), taking steps towards my south african tax review, clearing a couple of todo items, putting in a request for a burnout-prevention week, mostly enjoying the evening (or at least, enjoying it more than usual) and receiving a visit from protoplasm which ran quite late by our standards... after which we watched betting on zero which is a great documentary about a brilliant form of activism, albeit not particularly well-executed.

tuesday 11th:

holy crap it's almost 2am wtf.