looping, not sleeping

 i've been struggling to sleep for a few hours already. in addition to my mind feeling out the conversation with my (actual) boss, i've also found myself in a loop thinking about the year i lived with my brother in johannesburg. probably inspired by the chat with the ex-saffer from the meetup last week.

with him, i was free to smoke cigarettes and i learned very quickly to make like him and smoke anywhere and everywhere. i wouldn't go to the toilet without lighting up, or get in the bath without lighting up, so that was a thing.

but also, for a while i worked at the convenience store a couple of hundred meters from his house. i always say i felt protected from the lurkers when walking there and back because, working there, i had protection: i was the guy providing the cigarettes and the condoms, and you don't fuck with the guy who provides the cigarettes and the condoms. but in retrospect that doesn't make much sense. and my memories are hazy, how did i get that job in the first place? how long did i work there for? i remember having to figure out the cash register, and a lot of discussing their street fighter 2 machine with another guy who worked there, and excitedly not making a big deal of serving one of the m-net presenters (peter ndoro).

i could continue doing a mind-dump of that year for a while, but that's the thing that i've been looping. i'm tired, a little wired and brain-fogged, and i really need to get some sleep.