hitting hump day

 it's past midnight, but i've done what i needed to do. which was write a piece of software that a day full of meetings had decided was necessary, and upgrade my vmware workstation version to a) determine whether it's actually worth paying double for and b) to buy me another 30 days to decide.

mr smear stayed home again yesterday, but finally returned to school today. for the moment i'm stuck at home because not all of my hardware's actually portable... yesterday was spent isolating a bug that's only producing errors for me, and even then only under specific conditions. today was almost all meetings, although i did make a point of heading to the gym for an hour or so, and i do feel a bit better for it.

mr smear seems to be getting a feel for minecraft, which is cool.

i met with my therapist yesterday, and there was a realization that stood out - my entire life has been a long continuous stream of incoherence and contradictions: i've been extremely privileged and ridiculously fortunate, but at the same time i haven't been through a single phase of my life that couldn't be comfortably described as a psychotic mess of strangeness and contradictions.

and all i have to do now is learn to accept the lie that always raised my hackles: "it'll be okay". i think i'm slowly starting to get it. even if it won't be okay, it'll be okay.

i feel like i'm missing something important. oh, yes. apparently my bank is investigating the disappearance of my money and the woman overseeing the investigation was shocked by the breadcrumbs she's uncovered so far. that's inspiring. in other news, the apostille still hasn't communicated with me regarding our vital original documents, but mr smear's passport appears to finally be on its way which is a huge relief.

one day at a time.