spine align

one shoulder higher than the other, neck and back sore and unstable. after a day of discomfort, possible illness, and compulsively typing this up (kinda) and going to bed. looking forward to tuesday, when gd gets a nerve block, and praying that it's successful.

tuesday 29th may:

going to bed around 3.10am after a sad conversation with my mom about my cousin not supporting his wife; gd and i both unable to sleep and for a while giggling over stories of mr smear

struggling to get up and get the car to the shop early, mr smear's cough keeping him home another day, an empty police station, a long and stressful struggle to get mr smear out the house, a generally fun morning at the waterfront, re-purchasing an expensive gift for my mother because we'd managed to misplace the original during the move, mr smear making friends on the hamley's train and getting away with being super bossy (that hysterically awkward moment when he yelled instructions at the confused five-year-old, then promptly counted to three in hebrew before sending him to a timeout)

the joy of watching him demolish a falafel wrap so eagerly that other people were entertained (he did leave me a couple of bites), home on the bus, slowly checking items off my todo list, a phone call informing me they'd need my car another day but receiving another one later telling me to pick it up, mr smear eating two toasted not-cheeses as well as half of mine, big tantrums before gd's class and taking him with us, a class friend helping me keep him occupied with advanced hide-and-seek, and everyone loving gd's not-cheesecake

terrible coughing fits on the way home, even though he passed out and we had to wake him repeatedly to medicate him

13 reasons why, more checklist stuff then finally going to bed just before midnight

wednesday 30th:

once or twice up for mr smear, but nothing serious; a good start to the day, dropping him off at school (yay!) and going to the new gym

excitedly getting ready to hit the bag then realizing i'd left my gear at home, swimming instead and feeling pretty good about it

a couple of hours getting work done in what is effectively a shared workspace, picking up mr smear and learning he'd pooped at school (amazing!)

mr smear repeating "the boy is such live-ay" the entire way home (with some confusing stories thrown in for good measure), i arrived desperately hungry

the long search for gd's jewish name

(fuzzy memories)
taking mr smear to the aquarium, a sandpit full of smarties, showering him before my mom's big birthday dinner, my sister being distant, being ungraciously awkward about being thanked for picking up the tab, an episode of the mechanism and passing out early

thursday 31st:

early and cold, a tense drive to school, failing to decode mr smear's quote with his friend's "but", grabbing coffee at my mom's shop and easily getting to gd's not-hypnotherapist, work progress, signing gd's gym membership form, a long time filing an accident report in a smelly police station (an almost unpleasant interaction but we resolved it quickly), late picking up mr smear, a waterfront mission that included watching mr smear wolf down another falafel wrap with BIG bites and running into a cousin from johannesburg, getting everyone home then meeting sailor at bootlegger for a couple of productive hours, a quick grocery run, taking mr smear to stomp in promenade puddles and him falling asleep on my shoulder just before my mom came to babysit, gd's last class, spirituality and my revelation about the meaning of "the lord is one", my nose running through guided meditation, hurrying home, a lot of chatter, 13 reasons why, inbox clearing and bill paying and a massive howling rainstorm and

friday 1st june:

lots of work with perpetual regressions because microsoft's devs are f***wits (you can either run load tests or unit tests, but not both; enabling load tests resets your previous choices; you can't choose your endpoint path and it might just disappear altogether) [wow, turned out that all of that was some very weird mystical bug happening]

finally going to bed after 2.30am, but taking about half an hour to get there

waking up in the middle of my four hours' sleep for a painful coughing fit, registering the cold draft while breakfasting (mr smear preferring to eat *my* pancakes, of course), dropping him off and heading to the gym (impatience making me take a much longer detour)

a quick run (jog?), some bag work, a little experimentation with the other equipment, some stretching and then suddenly an hour had passed; a compliment for my tattoo taking me by surprise, a much better experience at a proper desk, figuring out the load testing one stupid design decision at a time

figuring out the parking ticket validation the hard way, picking up mr smear and telling the teacher she'd been spelling mr smear's name wrong the whole term

waze teaching me a new way home (which would've been even faster if i hadn't keep taking wrong turns), gd in bed when we got home so putting on the good dinosaur and at some point remembering to feed him, gd coming out and letting me work for a bit and then taking mr smear to the beach and park

heavy waves and foam, mr smear attaching himself to a beautiful little girl and her nanny, forming a little playgroup and having a great time; eventually going to the supermarket to pick up a few things (with runny noses, and none of those things were tissues) and bumping into an old homeroom teacher (who remembers me surprisingly well)

rushing to meet a friend of mr smear's due to a misunderstanding, twenty minutes of screaming and crying and dropping to the floor to get home because i couldn't carry him and the groceries together

going straight out to the temple, arriving in time for shabbat rina and mr smear making me really proud by singing a whole bunch of the songs, rushing after a friend of his and spending the rest of the service looking after them with his dad

great kiddush, his friend grabbing a fistful of challah before the blessing was finished, coming home to discover that my shirt had been inside out, kiddush and dinner and mom coming over

mr smear falling asleep on gd, 13 reasons why

saturday 2nd:

being displaced at 5am

winter-dry cracked knuckle, waking up in a foul mood and flying straight into deep distress (giving up my appointment with the neurosurgeon so that gd could demand surgery)

recovery, showering mr smear and taking him to the only repeatedly affordable indoor amusement (the aquarium), a milestone moment getting him to pee in a urinal (although of course he had to sneeze a huge blob as he started, which led to touching the urinal, and there was no way to properly wash his hands)

arranging coffee before realizing i was late to take my mom to the airport, mr smear stuffing himself, a long drive to the airport with a detour, mr smear falling asleep just in time to say a sleepy goodbye to his granny

a long, uncomfortable drive back to town (the seat height was wrong and my neck being at a bad angle made me woozy) only to get a call from my mom using a borrowed phone to ask me to bring hers back, there and back again and mr smear waking up when i finally got him home

parking my mom's car, chinese groceries, woolworths (almost not recognizing our old cleaning lady's son), peacefully negotiating mr smear to a healthy playtime while getting things done, a family viewing of an american tail, mr smear loving wasabi seaweed, easily reading him to bed, two episodes of 13 reasons why interrupted by an urgent purchase of an iron man onesie (for me, finally) - mostly great but some of the second season is infuriatingly rewriting the first

sunday 3rd:

nothing much until 2.20am

up around 8.30 with a stiff neck from sleeping badly, and spending an inordinate amount of time (including dev time) trying to cheaply make a call to an israeli number (egged) to book a ticket because their website is indecipherable regardless of which languages you can read

rushing to join friends at the park for a very nice playdate, picking up our favourite artisan bread (i really should learn what it's called) and a smoothie before returning home to slug down a coffee to be able to take mr smear to canal walk to meet our brazilian friends; sitting with them while they ate pizza, toy shopping and putting down a lot of money for a collection of dc female superhero action figures, grabbing coffee and opening the box to discover that it was actually batgirl and a highschool (whoops!), running (literally) to swap for five figures (guessing the prices and coming out with them owing me 40c), coming back to find that they hadn't killed mr smear (although they did give him cocoa powder before realizing that it might've been dairy, fortunately it wasn't), their little girl freaking out about mr smear's new toys (after she'd just gotten a whole bunch of things) and her father caving quickly and taking her to buy a large wonder woman (damn), picking up diapers at game on the way out and standing in an insane queue for a while before a manager told me where to find the express counter

mr smear passing out while waze misdirected me (unclear instructions, i'm sure the route was fine), arriving at the park early for our third playdate in a freezing wind, waking mr smear who was not impressed and taking him home where the playdate resumed instead; aside from lots of spilled drinks, a very nice evening with amazing chinese takeout (it fit with the weekend's general theme of living beyond our means)

showertime fun and using cold water to successfully disincentivize undesirable behaviour, passing out while reading to mr smear and sleeping for a couple of hours,

monday 4th:

watching half an episode of 13 reasons why before getting things done - some important and some not - and eventually going to bed around 2.45 after scribbling these notes

early up feeling slightly better, leaving late, dropping mr smear off and returning home to pick up gd and almost making it to the hospital before the water pipe disconnected and we jumped out of the car worried it was on fire - being grateful to the dudes who stopped to help while i fumbled trying to get hold of roadside assistance, parking safely and running to gd's appointment

a shared appointment, a plan of action for her and a pill for me (apparently i'm suffering from migraine symptoms without the migraines, which i consider very lucky)

walking to the post office to mail documents to vfmp, picking up coffee (and assisting my mom's manager with his phone) and picking up mr smear on a day growing ever hotter, getting him home by bus (a LONG wait at the civic centre), carrying him the last part into bed

roadside assistance not only being unhelpful in finding a place to take the car, but both transposing the digits of my number and failing to instruct the breakdown services to contact me

stuffing myself with avocado and hummus (separately, though, i'm not a fan of the combo) and lying down for half an hour, finally managing to sleep two minutes before my alarm went off

quick coffee, learning that the breakdown truck had been waiting for me and jumping into an uber, loading the car and sitting in traffic for a very long time (discussing homelessness, transport infrastructure and dogs), signing the job sheet and waiting for ten minutes before my uber driver cancelled on me, a mangy man wiggling his loose teeth at me with his finger before justifying his unprofessional physical aggression with what sounded like racism (only with his accent, i'm not completely certain that he said what i heard), a second long uber wait but a relatively (for peak traffic) clear road home

a rush to change mr smear, walk to my mom's car, load it, deliver my mom's bookclub books and then spend some time talking with cousins who've just returned from israel while mr smear watched simon

rushing home for dinner (he ate a lot of kimchi fried rice before making a pie disappear, shower and bedtime, lying on the couch freezing for an episode and a half of 13 reasons why, work and tasks

tuesday 5th:

and eventually discovering at 2.30am that i'd been barking up the wrong tree with test configurations, conveniently the same time my vision went fuzzy with exhaustion

regular sleep interruptions for mr smear crying out in his sleep, running late as usual, learning that mr smear had skipped the toilet the day before and peed in the garden instead (so proud!), the security guard pointing out a flat tire which completely disrupted the second morning in a row; needing a pick-me-up coffee smoothie but the place next door only had dairy, walking to the hospital with a couple of stops to look for helix replacements - the first place didn't have the size i need and the operator at the second couldn't be bothered to pause her personal phone call to ask if i needed anything

arriving on time when the surgeon was running late, a half hour examination / discussion and walking out really excited to schedule an epidural for gd that we hope might actually bring her some relief

ubering to pick up my mom's car, picking up mr smear (who had made his teacher stop dancing by crying), filling the tank, no naps and hunger and sailor and task management solutions (asana fail) and presentation software beating diagram software for making diagrams and a long meeting

mr smear's conjunctivitus

a long pharmacy visit (bad timing and renovations), taking mr smear to the park and needing to tell the homeless guy on the jungle gym to keep his hands off my son (he was being "helpful"), great swing experiencing (mr smear likes my boxing slips), the other park and four little friends and breakdancing, home for dinner and shower and me choosing a nature documentary before bedtime

a difficult bedtime but only because of his eyes, 13 reasons why, meeting prep and a long meeting (my contributions were openly acknowledged, that was gratifying)

learning that gd's important physio appointment was cancelled because she didn't check her mail

wednesday 6th:

learning powerpoint animation and working / doing random things until 2.30am, taking my first pill before bed - it definitely had *an* effect, not sure how much i actually slept but the drowsiness and weariness made getting up lousy and slow (having checked the side-effects, definitely one of them)

taking mr smear to the doctor and forgetting one of the reasons (we'll have to take him back), big grocery shopping (and forgetting a few of the things) and gd's experience with a cashier with a bad attitude, a little stress unpacking while dealing with mr smear's eyes and nose and diapers, returning my mom's car and taking a remarkably comfortable uber to pick up mine (almost falling asleep a few times), worrying warnings about damaging a gasket, driving home feeling relaxed (was it the meds? it must've been the meds), working well then going for my massage

feeling good afterwards, the revelation that i have an old problem with my ac joint i've never had examined, there's nothing like a little road rage to undo a good massage, completing the presentation, taking mr smear to the park (he met a little girl he called wonder woman, and she called him "my superhero boy"), a tough dinner (he was exhausted and frustrated and clingy and not hungry), shower, and a bedtime where i think he passed out before i started reading (he was hiding under the blanket)

finishing 13 reasons why and feeling thoroughly cheated - not only did season 2 rewrite significant chunks of season 1, but even granting them that the finale went from absolutely horrifying to thoroughly underwhelming in the blink of an eye and i was left dissatisfied

taking forever to get into work, becoming nervous about growth charts (not that that helps)

thursday 7th:

and then it was 1am and way past time for bed, and then 1.30am...

... 5.30am wakeup call from mr smear...

... the meds making it difficult to drag myself out of bed, the week of mondays continuing with me forgetting mr smear's schoolbag (the teacher and assistants were very kind about it), arriving at the gym and very slowly getting myself to the treadmill, stretching, and working - signing up for the fancy gym has so far proven completely worthwhile

a big mistake choosing the way to the school to pick up mr smear, the relief of hearing he'd had a good day, getting him home and into bed and passing out myself for a while

more visual studio testing struggles until suddenly everything worked and i hadn't made any significant changes... so that was a waste of a week of effort, with zero satisfaction from completing my task and finally being able to move on

gd feeling really sick, eventually taking mr smear to the waterfront on a miserable day; in time for a ten minute visit at the aquarium, getting falafel was his ploy to be close to the playground, running into our brazilian friends at the pharmacy, leaving them while their little girl threw a tantrum, a very quick grocery run, eating in the car, driving home in the rain, pre-bedtime, shower (super needy, which i realized was exhaustion), straight into bed, killjoys, meeting, enjoying the being canadian documentary,

friday 8th:

suddenly almost 1am and feeling wiped out, establishing after three nights that the meds were making me absurdly gassy and getting me out of bed regularly to pee - maybe they're just aging me really fast?

slightly less tough getting up, successfully reintroducing mr smear to maize meal

gym, running very conscious of my left shoulder, planking, stretching (reconfiguring); an hour's office time

a good drive home, the iron man onesie! coffee, lunch, spar, after ten minutes stuck leaving the parking lot realizing i'd forgotten something

scarf hunt stress followed by missing car keys (they were in my pocket the whole time), taking mr smear to the aquarium where he stalked a boy until they became friends

fast grocery run, home for kiddush, dinner and monster island, a fast bedtime, manhunt: unabomber episodes, a little mini-metro

saturday 9th:

and then it was past midnight, and iron man needed to brush his teeth and go to bed (without meds)

waking up in the middle of the night and seeing an update that SARS finally deposited my refund (relief!)

why doesn't sleeping make me feel rested? going to the temple, running around with mr smear and two little girls until i almost fainted (which preceeded me feeling horrible for the rest of the day)

picking up a musical toilet seat with handles and a step for mr smear... and experiencing that dark feeling when you break an important plastic piece on an unreturnable product's first day. compounded by the guilt that my reaction to breaking it wasn't particularly healthy and my son got to see it :$

song of the day: not shine on you crazy diamond, although mr smear thoroughly enjoyed watching the full video with me. it was the musical toilet's it's a small world after all

napping, watching monster island with mr smear, taking him to the grocery store, then the park, then the grocery store on the way back (for pears he wanted and then didn't eat)

an evening of freaky eaters and manhunt: unabomber

sunday 10th:

posting and going to bed (ooh, 1.30am)