racism online

why am i getting into debates online about racism?

i was asked for my opinion on this article entitled 100 ways white people can make life less frustrating for people of color and wrote the following:

some of it i agree with 100%, some of it is silly and some of it is overtly racist. one of the biggest reliefs i've experienced since returning to south africa was working in a company where i was part of a white minority of peers, being able to have healthy interracial relations without the marxist left politics overshadowing every interaction and making people disconnect. people were happy to laugh at differences and have real dialogue, which is not what's happening in the rest of the west. not that things are perfect in this country, there's plenty of racism from all walks of life, but it doesn't have to be everywhere and run / ruin everything. i actually just watched a very interesting breakdown on white privilege and intersectionality by jordan peterson in which he makes the amazing point that intersectionality taken to its logical extreme shuts down the foundation of its own argument, i recommend giving it a watch: white privilege isn't real

at the end of the day, people need to learn to be respectful to people who are different to them and to be fair to everyone. anything more or less than that is wrong. there's plenty of systemic racism (see Filming Cops if you don't believe it) but fighting it with a different kind of racism is counterproductive. if you're privileged, use that privilege to make the world a better and more just place for everyone, but feeling guilty or acting purely out of guilt for being privileged in one aspect or another isn't helping anyone.

my opinion was challenged, and so i broke it down:

i don't believe the current state is "good enough", but i also don't believe that the way people are trying to fix things is going to make it any better. if anything, things are becoming worse as more and more white people are feeling shut out of the conversation and stop making any effort, in particular those who weren't and aren't already allied to anti-racism. it's divisive, and divisive isn't good. but that's just my white opinion, right?

i did read the list, let's exhaustively go through the items.

1-5, 7-10: 100%
6: meaningless
11: i don't know what "rinse" means, but cultural appropriation is a positive thing and trying to stop it is divisive. cultural appropriation is a form of cultural evolution and it works both ways.
12: that's not a race thing, it's a being a dick thing. i'm fairly certain it doesn't fall under "things white people do", but if it does then i agree
13-15: 100%
16: questioning anyone's blackness or whiteness is wrong regardless of your race. don't do it if you're white, don't do it if you're black.
17: this is a logical trap to ensure that white people can't be a part of a conversation on race. "shut your mouth, oppressor!" is not making things better.
18, 19: that's treating somebody of a different race as a "man on the inside", which is covered in points 1-10
20: inversely treating people as representatives of their race
21-23, 25, 26, 28: 100%
24: maybe, but also make sure to read up on psychology, philosophy and literary theory that isn't race-bound
27, 29, 32, 33: support art and projects you like, don't support something on principle because it's non-white. make sure you're not only exposed to all-white art and projects, THAT'S important.
30. it depends on what that means, if it's using something "culturally apporpriated" in a positive way it's fine, if it's making a joke of another culture that's different.
31. 100%
35: this is a long conversation, but in summary i don't agree
36, 37: what has this got to do with anything?
38: it's reasonable to expect immigrants to follow the rules of the dominant culture. if you don't like the rules of a dominant culture, move somewhere else. there's a difference between not letting people trample on your freedoms and on imposing your way of life on others.
39, 40: 100%
41: by race, 100%. by culture, factually incorrect. islam is inherently more homophobic than western society. russians are white, they're more homophobic than americans.
42-44: i don't know why this is in the list, but sure, okay.
45, 46: this isn't about racism, it's about being a dick. it's like thinking you have the right to touch a pregnant woman's belly. except if you're in a relationship with a woman of color, in which case don't assume that your partner is "woke" and just tell them not to touch your damned hair.
47: make sure you have whatever you need when you sleep over at a partner's home, this is not a race thing.
48: sure
49: again, the example is a cultural one not a race one. but sure.
50: silly, but whatever.
51-54, 56-58: 100%
55: do what you can with what you have
59: 100%, but the solutions are often societal ones and not personal which is not implied in this point.
60, 64: interesting, it certainly depends on the context but i generally agree
61, 63. 100%
62: rubbish.
65,66: that's one point, and the point is "be fair"
67: i heartily disagree. if you have something to say you should be able to say it and be argued with. simple.
68. which situations? oh, when you want to have a conversation?
69-75 100%
76: i don't know what ICE is
77: depends on how you define islamophobia, and that's a LONG conversation and not for the faint of heart.
78, 79, 81: 100%
80: *sigh* really? all of it, or just the fact that those kinds of racists are real?
82, 83 back to cultural appropriation, it's a ridiculous and divisive idea that we shouldn't celebrate things we like in other cultures. pull the other one.
84: i just did, go ahead and block me if you're afraid of confronting uncomfortable ideas
85 100%, unless it's done in a way that highlights its wrongness, like in bamboozled or tropic thunder
86: don't sing along to our rap songs? no. but don't use the word unless you're actually talking about the word itself. see louis ck on "the n-word", he's on point.
87: yay! let's whitewash history by rewriting historical texts like huckleberry finn! seriously, this is a dangerously stupid idea.
88. sure
89: and a bunch of other reasons, but those certainly contributed. not really relevant.
90: i dunno, i think it's okay to care about race whenever it's relevant, just like every other issue we have to deal with.
91: does anyone actually do that?!
92: again, when relevant. people of color shouldn't have to, so let's move towards a reality in which they don't instead of one in which we all have to be uncomfortable all the time.
93, 96: please watch that video i posted earlier from before.
94: 100%
95: first make sure that the white person in question hasn't experienced racism, because we're not all the same. being shut out of a conversation because you're white is racism. full stop.
97: sure thing
98: 100%
99: that's phrasing of a very particular ideology of victimhood that's only accurate to a point, but i agree with the intention
100: 100%

i invested so much time in that response that i had to post it her for posterity. you're welcome.

sleeping before a long night

between last night and this morning, i took the proof of concept for the job i've been working on since november and made it production ready... that combined with a very positive interview this afternoon has really put me in a good space professionally. emotionally, though, i'm very much feeling the israeli day of remembrance that we've just entered. i keep thinking of my son, and how i expect him to serve in the israeli army one day. what a strange idea, how proud i would be and how worried simultaneously. and that silly thing that bothers me, not being able to give him any of my gear. i hope i still have some. i can't stop repeating my rank and personal number in my head and being grateful that i'm done with the army and grateful that i went through all of the insanity. human beings, huh? jesus, we're proper fucking mad.

friday 13th:

last minute work in the car discovering a stupid bug that had been plaguing me for a while, picking up mr smear and agreeing with the teacher to let go of the potty training until mr smear seems ready

mr smear's short nap to psytrance while i filled up the car, interviewing a cleaning lady, resting for a bit, working a little, combating holocaust denial on my facebook feed, picking up a couple of things at woolworths and fixing gd's loyalty card, off to the temple

meeting mr smear's friend there, the two of them making far too much noise but playing well outside

a lovely dinner with a new friend (the father's out of the country for a few days, but we're pretty confident these are people we can be close to), a late night with mr smear admitting he was tired and going straight to bed, driving them to town and returning to learn that she'd brought us a massive box of cupcakes, brownies and some other confectionary (very schroedinger, healthy and unhealthy and delicious all at the same time)

jessica jones

saturday 14th:

completing sam and max 101 and going to bed around 1.20am, waking up seven hours later and being rewarded for performing kitchen duties with cupcakes for breakfast

too tired to be functional, and then suddenly it was 11am...

leaving gd with household chores, dropping mr smear off at the gym crèche, a solid hour's workout running, boxing and stretching, four lengths swimming with the earplugs doing their job but the goggles letting in frustrating amounts of water, coffee and lunch with my mom and mr smear

three minutes of pitchhikers inducing a nap, relaxing until mr smear woke up, taking him for a walk then turning around and visiting our neighbours

saying something remarkably stupid to two two-year-olds before i could stop myself (note to self: don't encourage kids playing pirate with fake swords to fight something out), blowing up a sea monster the hard way as a distraction, mr smear inserting himself into their bath-time again, my naked guitarist reenacting a move from an ac/dc music video (so proud!!)

dinner, a long bedtime, hunting a copy of the nao of brown (cheapest and fastest was hive.co.uk)

watching a bit of sandy wexler until gd went to bed, then discovering james acaster before i did

sunday 15th:

after a long night, the thought that kept repeating in dracula's (hotel transylvania) voice: "kimchiguts". is it a complaint, an insult, or a term of endearment?

sharing the rage generated by being sent out pre-coffee on a sunday morning to buy a godsdamned frying pan and then be left to pick one from two shelves of seemingly similar options

taking mr smear to the aquarium, where he walked in then walked straight back out again; busking musicians, lunch and a nap

sailor arriving, excessively loud musical "accompaniment" in the food market, good food, good coffee, splitting up at the aquarium, a fun visit, foo fighters on the way home then more foo fighters at home

pearl jam's do the evolution video is AMAZING

mom visiting, finishing the cupcakes, beard itch, mr smear back-kicking mr punching bag

a mostly pleasant evening, getting mr smear to bed relatively smoothly, loving james acaster (gd not so much), waiting out rough rls before going to bed

monday 16th:

another decent night's sleep, a fight over map reading, dropping mr smear off at school, returning just in time to take gd to acupuncture, settling in to work and listen to grant morrison's brilliant speech in the background, making progress and being compelled to buy the first book of the invisibles

gd coming home in positive tears, picking up mr smear, big lunch and nap, work and coffee, quick shopping, gym (forgetting running shoes and hand wraps, awkwardly sharing lanes, figuring out how my goggle straps work, managing eight lengths - barely - and really feeling my lack of cardio)

taking mr smear along to pick up laffot, a delivery guy wearing his motorcycle helmet walking in and mr smear pointing at him saying "it's the pretender, daddy!", coming home to upset gd because i'd forgotten to inform her that i'd invited my mom, my mom joining us and mr smear eating well, shower (i can get him out the "bathtub" by threatening to stop playing foo fighters) and bedtime

the season 2 finale of jessica jones (very good), a little james acaster, launching into work (and a bit of dishwasher packing)

tuesday 17th:

at 2am realizing that i'd finally sorted things out... but on the wrong git branch :P

almost 4am before finally climbing into bed, mostly working but with quite a few unusual cries from mr smear for hugs and back scratches

oh, 7.30am, how rightfully i dreaded you so...

arriving at a relatively reasonable time, taking four minutes to sing along to the pretender then discovering that i'd left mr smear's bag at home

great work at my mom's coffee shop, a quick coffee with the father of one of mr smear's friends, picking up mr smear from school and getting him home to bed, stuffing myself with the previous night's dinner leftovers and crashing, waking up feeling like my face was melting

coffee, work, heading over to my mom's place for an hour long technical interview that i feel went really well, returning home to pick up mr smear and take him grocery shopping, enjoying a big dinner with him before leaving him with my mom and taking gd to my old high school for the yom hazikaron ceremony - a surprisingly moving ceremony all round, lots of pride and sorrow, and only marginally tainted by the stupidity of the questions i was asked by one of the girls doing security who was trying to make sure i wasn't a threat ("what's your name?"??? really?!?!)

home after mr smear had gone to sleep (it feels like a first, even if it's not), more eating, a bit of james acaster (i think he's brilliant, gd's not impressed), a good chunk of 30 minutes or less (surprisingly good), then attempting to be productive and failing before it was time to crash around midnight

friday 13th summary post

may as well...

monday 19th march:

sleeping well but not nearly enough, a slow start and a rushed exit

dropping gd off at the hair salon, a quick stop at vida after dropping mr smear off, running through to sea point to let the nanny in - she'd told me she was waiting at our neighbour's, so i went there to find out she wasn't which was super awkward - back to town for coffee with gd, an interesting podcast pitch, an exploding phone charger and happily bumping into a cousin i haven't seen in years

shopping for a birthday present for a three year old, and coming across a beautifully illustrated harry potter book that we had to buy for ourselves...

picking up mr smear and arriving home to discover he was wearing someone else's shoes, a big lunch, washing machine drama, tummy drama (a bug?), work (i thought i'd offended our devops guy, but i guess i was wrong)

not taking mr smear out after the nanny left because we were going out for a playdate in lieu of going to a birthday party; a rough and unpleasant visit to the laundromat followed by an attitude adjustment followed by an excellent (and shockingly late) evening with our brazilian friends at primi piatti

the great bloating

home around 10pm, feeding mr smear, skipping the shower, a long time getting him to bed, giving up on quick work (unresponsive computer) and watching i, tonya - well, gd watched it, i passed out about halfway

tuesday 20th:

a good night's sleep, up and working, throwing my back out struggling with mr smear to get him ready for school

gd helping me a bit before her acupuncture session, resting a little and learning about concussion from TED talks, picking gd up, a fight over the hidden cost of cheap clothing, picking mr smear up, a major struggle to get him to nap when i was exhausted and taking him out in the stroller didn't help

an afternoon working, a big grocery shopping (really, old man? "usually it's the women who do the shopping"?!), taking gd to her class, failing to feed mr smear gd's fantastic noodles, mom joining us for dinner, giving up and giving him vegan chicken burgers, a pleasant shower, a frustrating attempt to read him to sleep, finally getting him down minutes before gd returned, jessica jones, working hard

wednesday 21st:

working until 2am

the frustrated guilt of introducing my kid to original popeye the sailor man not remembering how violent it was and not realizing that he wouldn't understand the context

waiting for my mom to call when she was waiting for me, moving stuff, picking up laundry and heading out to buy a washing machine

stopping at mom's coffee shop with mr smear asleep on my shoulder, an interesting conversation with some lost sheep and a fraud psychic, miscommunication tension on the way home

planning a podcast with horseman while keeping mr smear occupied, kitchen cleanup, work, big dinner, work, shower, almost falling asleep putting mr smear to bed, crashing for half an hour

waking up an hour later, late for a meeting a very much stoned from exhaustion

a night that was a cross between work, cryptocurrency movement (last week tonight's episode on the topic made an impression), and beginning to read lullabies for little children with rum gd had poured earlier and abandoned

thursday 22nd:

bedtime 2am

7.30 up and relatively functional, meeting the father of the new israeli girl in mr smear's class before mr smear's teacher's emotional farewell, leaving early to get gd to her hypnotherapist, the couldn't-possibly-be-sober SUV driver pulling out of the highway bushes in front of us, constellation inspiration, a productive chat with sailor, a great drive back to town (monument tells the same kind of story as shakespeare's sonnets), re-wrap at pulp kitchen before picking up mr smear

a day with a dead phone battery and little space to breathe: half an hour rest before a job interview, arriving just on time, enjoying the preamble then beginning the one hour test. an hour would have been more than enough if a) the keyboard hadn't been designed exclusively for tiny fingers and i kept hitting page up / down mid-statement (it was also a non-standard layout which took a little getting used to) and b) i hadn't immediately developed a desperate need to hit the loo; with the hard time limit i knew i didn't have time for a break and i was in real pain for most of the test

i finished with a minute to spare, said goodbye and walked *carefully* to the car - once i got home it would take a while for my system to settle down even after relieving myself

a quick and entertaining visit to our neighbours, then heading to gd's mock seder

water-run friends
gd reading the actual hebrew when the rest of her class needed transliteration
hagada breaking (badly bound borrowed copies)
gd's hagada drop after three cups and a breathless recitation of the 13 things
overall a very positive experience
coming home very late, jessica jones and crash

friday 23rd:

feeling relatively good waking up, dropping mr smear off at school, coming home to oversee the washing machine installation

the machine didn't fit, a couple of frustrating and stressful hours trying to sort things out, rushing out to pick up mr smear and the teachers being transfixed when the little israeli girl came to converse with me because they hadn't heard her actually talking before

a very short nap once i got mr smear home, i was exhausted so i crashed for half an hour too before getting to work; suddenly realizing that nobody had called a plumber and finding a 24/7 hotline, the guy arriving around 6pm and getting to work but taking three hours to get half the installation done - most of that time with our dinner guests (my cousins) waiting and even pitching in to help. a very expensive call-out and needing to schedule a repeat of the work for the next morning, not helped by my mom freaking out because she didn't believe we needed a new washing machine in the first place

an excellent dinner, mr smear passing out halfway through (which was very late), lots of chatter

saturday 24th:

suddenly 1am and ready for bed, too tired to read

waking up from nightmares of loan sharks and herpes

dropping gd off at the temple, coming home to wait for the plumber, suddenly realizing i didn't have cash and hustling mr smear out the door as fast as possible, inviting sailor to coffee, waiting for him at the adelphi centre then heading to bootlegger, mr smear being super cool and loving their avo toast - and even eating rocket! - sailor arriving for a Big Talk about breaking up with his girlfriend

driving to pick up gd who'd decided to walk in the rain and eventually catching up to her when she was only a block away from home, trying and failing to rest before taking mr smear to a birthday party and leaving gd to wait for the plumber who still hadn't arrived

mr smear passing out before arriving, catching up with new friends who were old acquaintances, mr smear experiencing tall slide trauma, eventually running off and thoroughly enjoying himself just before i remembered that gd didn't have the cash for the plumber who'd finally arrived

rushed goodbyes, coming home to a disappointing but functional fix, dinner (mr smear guzzling gd's leftover cannelloni as well as vegan chicken burgers, very satisfying), an early shower and bedtime that stretched seemingly interminably and gd being pleased with how i handled his "there's a snake on my face" (and then a spider, i told him to eat them and he made a game of it) and horrified by his "i'm going to die" tickle-stomp (i'm not quite used to it even on the fourth time)

sailor coming over and ordering delicious curry, a long and late evening of philosophy, music, medicine and nutrition

sunday 25th:

feeling absolutely buggered, crashing around 1am with a feeling that we had an infestation brewing

an early and fast morning getting gd to the holocaust museum, a couple of hours in the company gardens feeding squirrels with mr smear and generally enjoying playing around on a beautiful day; he enjoyed his lunch and ratted on the elderly lady who wasn't eating hers, played really nicely with another kid, and behaved really well right until i needed to change his diaper with dried out wet wipes. fortunately he passed out on the way to plumstead where we dropped off one of gd's classmates, but unfortunately he woke up as we arrived home

napping a little (just me), then dropping off laundry, picking up groceries (apparently i *do* look jewish), the hebrew mamita making us both embarrassingly emotional, eating dinner and getting mr smear ready for bed, a surprisingly quick bedtime, watching the first half of annihilation (brilliant, but with one major annoying plothole that was only resolved in the second half), falling asleep to disappointing comedy, resting another hour then settling in to work

monday 26th:

a little work, a surprising amount of distraction not helped by neck nerve pinching

tired on a monday morning, mr smear with a runny nose, washing machine drama, gd to the chiropractor, tailor delivery for my mom, a quick waterfront mission, possibly my last bag of jellytots (too damned sticky/sweet, but perfectly sour), flat earther trolling, too much lunch, and the rest of annihilation (although i did fall asleep for a scene or two)

work, getting mr smear to sleep for an hour singing hoist the colours, picking up laundry and falafel wraps (one of which had eggplant that was so salty it was inedible), storeroom rearrangements, mr smear's bedtime (and the sadness from him intentionally tearing a book apart), passing out and sleeping very uncomfortably

tuesday 27th:

until roughly 1am, then working until around 4am, in bed around 4.30 and up at 7 to find gd properly sick

dropping mr smear off, picking up copies of the herzlia haggada and nostalgically reading about my alma mater (the interdisciplinary center), working at mom's coffee shop (although a fair amount of time was wasted tracking a seized parcel from january, it's weeks later and still no luck), hitting the pharmacy at its rush-hour before picking up mr smear and discovering we'd missed his feedback session the day before...

... but i waited half an hour and we did it then, it was interesting: mr smear is generally making us proud and everyone finds him affectionate and entertaining, the concerns raised were primarily about inconsistencies in his behaviour which after a little analysis seem alright, and there were a couple of points that had us all in stitches. i particularly loved hearing about his little "gang", he's one of three or four kids that are always hanging out and looking out for each other and apparently that's quite advanced for their age. it was also quite pleasing to witness disbelief on the face of his next term's teacher when she overheard him sounding out the letters on the back of his chair ^_^

getting him home and into bed, a little rest and some work, entertaining him (or trying to) then taking him out for a windy walk along the promenade (it's getting chilly)

taking gd to her hebrew evaluation, then grocery shopping (stopping to try out some grossly overpriced iced tea - in the spirit of the lego movie: "awesome!") and coming home to my mom who'd been waiting for a while; setting up her work tablet, dumplings for dinner, showering mr smear and getting him to bed fairly quickly before passing out myself

wednesday 28th:

up at 1am, back in bed around 4 having worked, played (mini metro) and hackerranked

waking up late and leaving VERY late

mr smear's end of term with a bouncing castle, his teacher's last day

working at mom's cafe, finally locating and removing the first obstacle to azure authentication (incompatible packages, microsoft ones that it appears i'm going to need to fix myself at some stage)

no napping for mr smear, sending him off with the nanny and getting in some "me time" (mini metro is awesome) before my final technical interview with a man who seemed bored and discouraged from the get-go and who left me with zero sense of how things went (apparently he was very satisfied, but he certainly did a good job of hiding it)

the struggle to remove a splinter from mr smear's big toe

missing an important meeting with sailor because i'd gotten the time wrong and my phone had unexpectedly reverted to silent - it turned out it was my protective case

mr smear's first electric storm, both of us enjoying ourselves on the balcony in the rain, gd's delicious dinner before "digesting time"

falling asleep reading to mr smear, going straight to bed after wishing him a good night

thursday 29th:

up at 1am, warming up and diving in to the azure authentication and finally, at 2.40am, successfully doing the thing and proceeding to spend the next hour and a half furiously putting together documentation for dummies and making it public

and suddenly it was 4.30am and i still wasn't in bed...

and then it was 5am...

an hour or so of rest, crazy dreams about surviving the second holocaust, up tired and cold with mr smear for the first "holiday" morning

mr smear falling asleep on the way to gd's "hypnotherapy" session, giving me 45 minutes of rest, then back to town too early to go to royale eatery so going to plant instead, which took so long and was so unimpressive we should've just waited for royale to open

mom's coffee shop to pick up a cooking thermometer and get some exercise, then home to rest

[lost afternoon?]

getting mr smear showered and ready for bed, a little mini metro and kitchen nightmares before completing a good chunk of work

friday 30th:

bed around 2am, up around 8, coffee and pancakes then big erev pesach shopping at dischem, spar, checkers and shoprite

one of my mom's best friends / shadowslight's mum's decision not to go to the hospital, all of us getting emotional

taking mr smear to the aquarium, almost fainting from exhaustion and walking across to get coffee, walking out after a minute of waiting with not so much as a look from the baristas

conversation with my two year old at the vida:
"would you like a babycino?"
"yes"
*orders babycino*
*throws tantrum about not wanting a babycino*
*ignores tantrum and hands him the babycino*
*loves his babycino*

missioning to the toy store to take advantage of their 3 for 2 lego sale, struggling to arrange a combo that made sense and almost giving up

letting mr smear sit in a coin-operated helicopter and being treated to a performance artist doing awesome dance moves

home to prepare for the seder, opening a lego box at random and discovering that the set included a cannon (amazing! and an excellent teaching opportunity)

going to the temple, leaving mr smear with my mom, returning after a relatively short service and heading to our cousins

a long, long evening (primarily because i was exhausted), beginning with the news that shadowslight's mom had passed away

an enjoyable seder, meeting new cousins and enjoying everyone's company immensely, mr smear passing out just as dinner was served

saturday 31st:

in bed around 2am, a decent night's rest, a slow morning but getting to the temple at a reasonable time, enjoying the service, heading to mambo's and picking up a few things but having to scrap the rest of our plans because gd hurt her back

playing for a while, struggling to stay awake and eventually downing a coffee and taking mr smear to the waterfront, where he passed out just as we entered the parking lot

relaxing a bit, then taking him with me to pick up dinner with sailor

a busy, fun four-man seder with my mom, ending late but with mr smear heartily participating in "who knows one"

sunday 1st april:

a little jessica jones then crashing just before 1am

another (relatively) decent night for me, another sleepless one for gd, starting the day with happy feet and a little hackerrank before taking mr smear to the company gardens for a playdate with our brazilian friends - they brought a couple of electric bikes and mr smear proceeded to drive me nuts because he couldn't understand that it wasn't broken, he just needed to keep his thumb on the button

trying to explain to mr smear that the large rat in the gardens was not a squirrel

far too much sun, a mostly pleasant lunch (i'm very proud of how i handled his initial tantrum and how quickly he responded), a never-ending walk back to the car in the searing heat with a typically south-american insistence that i take the quad-bike home

putting him into bed and diving into leftovers while recovering from the excursion, watching a little jessica jones until my mom came over then putting on the rest of happy feet when mr smear woke up

a long fight about his "police car" (the quad bike) and hard lessons about crying for things, then a long walk along the promenade, highlights being the waves crashing really high, running the stroller up and down the bike trick area, and exploring a strange circle of rocks

dinner and showertime, a pleasant bedtime, suddenly developing a sore throat, the rest of the jessica jones episode and then waiting for my coworker before continuing an investigation that ended with me coding for a while before determining that my notes were out of sync with our dev server :/

monday 2nd:

working until 2/2.30am, a little mini metro then getting to bed around 3

the funeral: a pallbearer in a dress (that wasn't happening), being late for my turn, "simsalabim" when the coffin turned, the discomfort of dropping a large stone onto the coffin and an "ugh" loudly escaping my lips while i filled the grave, a sudden overwhelming vision of the deceased making me smile and sob uncontrollably

the shiva house with a volunteer babysitter (mr smear's friend's older brother), no nap, short stroll in the wind, nodding off during ready player one with shadowslight and his cousin which was generally amazing except for the birthmark thing, meditative empty highway driving into cape town, jessica jones and crashing early

tuesday 3rd:

a good night's sleep but having to handle breakfast alone and becoming grouchy, the nanny finally coming back to work after a dirty long weekend, dropping her and mr smear off at an impromptu birthday party for our neighbour's eldest, reloading my bus card, doing a bit of shopping (finding underwear that fits!), dropping off the card, trying to work a bit, wolfing down a big lunch, resting for half an hour, rushing out for an interview with my phone failing when i needed directions which caused me to arrive late

a comfortable interview, one of them having interviewed me a few months ago when he worked for the company that never got back to me

returning home, working a little, taking mr smear out for a walk (one struggle that i managed to resolve pretty quickly), buying a beautiful hand-made wire mobile with four parachuters (mr smear loves watching them coming off the mountain), his obsession with his shirt being straight when he could've been playing with a bunch of israeli kids, some excitingly impressive jungle gym antics, a gorgeous sunset, gd's delicious new kimchi / tofu dish that my mom and mr smear both enjoyed, a shortcut bedtime but his playing with his car and ignoring me pushing me past my patience

working a little and succeeding, jessica jones and junk food

wednesday 4th:

2.30am bedtime

waking up not feeling well and then having an urgently needed work morning disrupted by an acupuncture appointment and grocery shopping, every little inconvenience making me angrier and more toxic

anger management, an interesting hour of relative calm followed by enough drive time to chew things over and become tense again

taking mr smear out, coming right back when he passed out and trying to make work progress

an unpleasant dinner, followed by a fun shower (mr smear head-banging to star quality), followed by a bedtime that ended up with me incensed because i do all the research and gd disregards it... taking a long time to calm mr smear's cough

working hard

thursday 5th:

until 12.30am

up for a rough continuation of the previous day's fighting that eventually resulted in gd convincing me to try alchemy (calm shen)

late for the kids' theatre, mr smear enjoying it until his friend was scared and had to leave, playing nicely and having fun in the open space outside artscape

home, a little work then passing out, coming around about 3pm and realizing i'd been sick for two days, not just despondent

working a little before mr smear woke up, half an hour of stressing on the phone with the CRA, eventually being reassured by an agent and for the first time being given a local number that we can use (!!!)

walking to the pharmacy with my mom, running into our neighbour on the way home, early dinner (gd's kimchi rice is brilliant), positive shower, and a loooong good night from 8pm until at least 9 (reading in the dark may or may not have been a good idea)

gordon ramsey's hotel hell highlighting - just like kitchen nightmares - how stupid and lazy people stuff things up

starting a new assessment (angular, web api, jwt and swagger - all for the first time)

friday 6th:

and going to bed at 2am, four hours into a three hour challenge and not even halfway done functionality-wise

researching, backing up phone contacts, leaving an hour late for shopping day, tailor, canal walk, not scratching the car next to us, home shopping, a big, delicious meal at tong lok, needing coffee, failed clothing shopping for mr smear (finding a hat, though), gd's hypothetical shoes for running in the rain, finally getting out of there around 4pm

a suddenly dark turn to the day, going to the temple anyway, mr smear's infectious laughter during the sermon, dropping gd off on the way to krybabie's mom's for dinner, a very pleasant evening, mr smear thoroughly enjoying himself but not wanting to eat anything except dessert

coming home to a food fight, going to bed angry

saturday 7th:

waking up in the middle of the night to furiously take notes, needing an hour to relax before returning to bed

a morning fix, but the nanny arriving over an hour late for a half day and proceeding to cause major inconvenience by demanding cash. gd and i were mortified to see her gathering mr smear's toys with a dirty broom, and this on top of the fact that she's a useless cleaner and consistently puts things away in new and creatively illogical places...

spending hours trying to transfer whatsapp messages from an iphone to a samsung and the experience perpetually degenerating

dropping gd off at the temple, getting the android phone functional after having stupidly inserted the sim card in the wrong slot (unintentionally, my finger slipped while i was checking to see if it was a similar size), none of DIY stores knowing anything about cedar wood and moths, the enjoyable tail end of the morning service, the mistaken drive to the waterfront before returning to let the nanny out, mr smear napping and more time with the phone transfer, back to the waterfront for mr smear's lunch and last-minute birthday present shopping before heading to our neighbour's eldest's party

a series of awkward but not unpleasant interactions with old classmates, picking up dinner at scheckter's raw, showering mr smear then helping my mom with paintings, dinner / bedtime / falling asleep really comfortably in front of justice league

sunday 8th:

an actual good night's sleep and a pleasant wakeup (mr smear enthusiastically - minus stubbing his toe - bringing his new duvet to our bed to show it off), establishing toy order, dealing with bad nanny fallout, intending to get work done but being distracted at every turn

a great (but expensive!) brunch with our brazilian friends, entirely unnecessary drama on the way to the waterfront, a long shopping, giving up on our evening plans, a little more drama at home, more technical challenge time (success with jwt + swagger), mom visiting

firing the nanny: possibly the most uncomfortable part of being an adult. fortunately, it turned out she was unhappy with the new schedule and was just too stupid to say so in the first place. we've subsequently discovered just how much she was taking advantage of us, she did very little and what she did she did astoundlingly badly

bedtime and progress, a break for jessica jones

monday 9th:

long struggles with stupid shit, eventually getting to bed just before 4.30am almost done with the backend and still not having even considered the front end (which was supposedly the point of the assessment)

up three hours later with a scratchy throat

working hard, eventually getting the backend sorted out before walking to the gym, dropping mr smear off at the crèche and starting on the frontend while waiting for gd (feeling faint)

beginning to get the idea of angular, stopping for artisan bread at newport, coming home and getting the frontend sufficiently completed to deliver and rush off to a playdate with a kid in mr smear's class

leaving late after a great visit, stopping at royale eatery for one great vegan burger and one painful and weird vegan burger (an abomination of far too much hot sauce and a bad combo with coriander), an incredible smoothie and a lot of fun with mr smear flirting with the waitresses

getting him to bed quickly, watching an episode of jessica jones, showering and crashing hard

tuesday 10th:

waking up tired and late for the first day of term, dropping mr smear off and coming home for gd's first uber experience; a positive one, getting a little work done while waiting for her at mojo market, good coffee and hummus, getting back home in time to go and pick up mr smear

no naps for him but i had to lie down (i put on a bee / ccd documentary), eventually wearing mr smear down with ambient psy while gd initiated the poaching of a nanny we like

working and arranging a service for my car (overdue, so i've taken it out of warranty), waking mr smear just before my mom arrived to let us go to gd's class

the substitute hebrew teacher asking me why i'm not taking the class

a very interesting history of the reform movement and the different streams of orthodoxy, a pleasantly surprising response from the rabbi regarding my query about circumcision (and a horrific story about modern-day savagery that the beit din does not approve of) - apparently he's now seen the presentation and is also very disturbed by it

home, the final stages of getting mr smear to bed (and accidentally bashing him with his door which i didn't realize he was standing behind), jessica jones and crashing

wednesday 11th:

up around 2am with acid reflux caused by a post-nasal drip and back to bed around 5, some of that time spent copying and contributing to a translation of a song i love and a fair amount of it spent working

a rough start, coffee then shower then drop-off, setting myself up at my mom's coffee shop to work, pick-up, no nap, picking up clothes from the tailor, running past baby city

going down for an hour or two and waking up bombed, caffeine-ing into work mode and a productive team meeting, straight into gd cutting mr smear's hair (it was hard getting him to sit still, but he loved my reactions to the spray bottle and the result was very cool) and prepping him for his evening at our cousins

a quick handover, returning home for some quiet time then going out with our neighbours for a delicious dinner and generally fun evening

picking up mr smear who'd been fast asleep (and apparently very well behaved), getting him to bed without too much hassle and gearing up for work

thursday 12th:

finally, finally, FINALLY completing the fundamental task i've been wrestling with since november, and backing up the solution before crashing around 2am

feeling tired but positive waking up, leaving late but smoothly dropping off mr smear, picking up coffee, getting gd to her hypnotherapist, spending the time playing sam & max 101: culture (amusingly about hypnotism), considering bodytec (damned expensive), buying lunch, picking up mr smear, getting gd to the cemetery for the holocaust memorial service, waiting outside in the wind and shade on a hot day until he woke up and demolished a tub of hummus and half a bottle of cashew yoghurt

chilling in the car, giving gd's classmate a ride home and introducing him to waze

i think i napped? i was really tired

mr smear reading the word "marmite" - i'm pretty certain that was him reading for real!

a big grocery shopping, a quick dinner, taking gd to her class, mr smear and i having an unpleasant tantrum experience (i'm trying to teach him not to use violence, i'm not sure how that's going), once he'd calmed down the tidying / showering / bedtime experience was smooth and painless and he passed out surprisingly fast

sam & max 101, trying to watch jessica jones with gd but passing out

friday 13th:

up at 3.30 to work and debate the importance of the holocaust online, working hard until 6am and then struggling to get out of bed at 7.30am

an incredible moment dropping mr smear off at school
settling in to work at my mom's coffee shop and spending most of the time doing other stuff instead

holocaust memorial day 2018

i'm fascinated by some of the stuff in my feed from holocaust memorial day - posts claiming that the holocaust wasn't a unique historical event, and posts claiming that we should focus on the other victims as well.

1. never in history has a people been so brutally destroyed on such a massive scale, under such inhumane conditions and with such inhumane efficiency. to claim anything else is to claim ignorance of what actually happened, and i warmly recommend locating a holocaust museum close to you and paying it a visit.

2. yes, there were most certainly other victims of the holocaust. absolutely. but there were six million of us, and as the prime target of the holocaust we're allowed to take one day of the year to remind ourselves and others just how far antisemitism goes - yesterday, today, and tomorrow. that's not to say that the other groups of people who suffered shouldn't be remembered, or aren't welcome to join us in remembering, but i think it's fair to say that they were swept up in something that was created exclusively with us in mind.

---one "friend" actually blocked me for responding to his post about how the holocaust wasn't special, when my response was an explanation about what made the holocaust unique, how an act of genocide demands the complete dehumanization of the enemy and is not the same as violent subjugation. slavery is awful, yes, and lots of people have suffered and died tragically as slaves, but slaves are still seen as having some value to their owners. jews were seen as vermin, not "less than human" but utterly devoid of humanity.

NEVER FORGET.
it was ordinary humans who built and ran the death camps. people like you and me.

gratitude

i need to take a second and share a moment of profound gratitude, i just dropped off my son and the two of us were both yelling along, fully invested, to the foo fighter's the pretender ^_^

whenever he rocks out to good music i'm reminded of that moment airplane and his three year old niece showed me how much little kids can get great music and made me absolutely confident in letting him in on the heavier side of music from the get-go.