on the offensive - part iv

[... continued]

i became quite agitated and aggressive during the hour or two of tech support, and some of that was caused by our mutual frustration, some of it by the universe not conforming to my expectations. that's been happening quite a lot over the past few days, all of my aspie qualities have turned me into a bit of a ticking time bomb. the sensation is that of something crawling under my skin, setting coils of wire around my heart and tightening.

i'm very, very lucky that gd loves me and can somehow empathize.

---
more discomfort followed, as i rushed off to meet gd at her gym having not had a chance to do desperately-needed laundry, not having drawn cash for the cleaning lady and having received a suspicious email about background checks. visible allergens filled the air: how wonderful :/

i called godmother, and was surprised to discover that she's started a new job without mentioning it to me. how very odd.

after picking gd up, we walked towards the place we'd be looking at and she decided that it's a terrible area. i've got no problem with that, and i told her to cancel the viewing but the landlord was apparently quite insistent (i could only hear gd's polite side of the conversation) and suddenly he'd pulled up next to us and we were clambering in to go see the apartment anyway. after extricating ourselves, we walked back arguing and not-arguing at the same time, which was strange and uncomfortable and pleasant all at the same time.

when we got to gd's place, i opened the background check email and it said that the company i've signed with is using their services and that i need to complete a short survey. gd needed to shower, and so i figured that it was a good time to spend the fifteen minutes the survey was supposed to take. apparently it wasn't, mainly because the survey demanded that i complete a long form with a whole bunch of details about my education that i don't have on hand - nor would anyone, really - and suddenly gd was ready to go and impatient to eat while i was trapped filling out something i had to do for work and unsure that i would be able to stop and resume later.

this turned into our first proper fight, which was terrible and awkward but - and this is a big "but" - we were both listening to each other and after a fair amount of shouting we found ourselves on the same page and calmed down, talked out the couple of points we hadn't covered and went shopping. shopping was quick and painless, i made dinner with gd teaching me about steaming vegetables, i lectured her about eating crap food post-training (the fried chicken didn't agree with her anyway, which helped convince her to eat with me) and the result was us both enjoying a delicious, healthy tofu / mushroom / brussel sprout / spring onion / cucumber salad that was dressed just right.

i managed to rescue the survey and completed it, and at the end of the process was informed that this was for my consent to be checked. in other words, the company hadn't even begun the check. cheeky bastards! that's at least two weeks completely wasted, and if i wasn't so desperate for work i'd tell them precisely how i feel about their hr department's lack of professionalism. fortunately, i've heard from ex-employees and their development division shouldn't be as frustrating. even if it is, it's a big company so i won't feel like i have everyone's futures riding on my performance - the lack of that stress means i'll put up with a lot of shit, as long as they let me do my job i'll be happy there.

after all that i found myself struggling to organize a meeting with all the illustrators and vector was having trouble accessing the materials i'd sent him... i really, really needed a hug and was very, very grateful to get one.

...

over the past few days my heels have cracked extremely badly, and they were hurting me more than ever last night. gd actually wanted me to see a podiatrist and if i hadn't been so tired i would have soaked my feet before bed.

---today:

it's a good thing i waited until morning, because while running the bath one of the taps broke. i sat soaking my heels in half an inch of water while gd and i laughed at how ridiculous the situation was, and after scrubbing with an emery board kind of thing and applying cream my feet already felt better. wearing shoes has helped, too. we left the apartment in a great mood, giggling the whole way to the metro about the most random things, and split up there.

i've spent the day doing errands, and now that i've covered all the posting and my apartment's been cleaned i'm heading off to see another apartment with gd. please, please, please could somebody sublet my apartment!