#YesAllWomen #NotAllMen #GenderWarsSuck

it all began with this disturbing article on earning love. it makes for extremely uncomfortable reading, but it's on the mark.

i wish i didn't know so many guys who don't get this.

i added, though, that i don't agree that it makes me suck for being a guy. that i agree with about 75% of the conclusion.

one other thing though i think is worth adding, is that guys also need to stop saying "not all guys rape", getting into a defensive corner and doing nothing further about it. we know all guys don't rape but it shouldn't only be up to women to speak out about this kind of thing. more men should be doing it too, like in this article - more guys need to stand up for women instead of just getting defensive and walking away.

i agree, and i also feel that more women need to stop defensively hating on guys for being guys as a default. there's little more offensive to me than being judged for my sex when it's such an integral part of what feminism is fighting.

both sides getting defensive doesn't help stop the problem. we need the good guys to speak out here too though, in our favour, despite some women's anger at them. that might help women feel less angry at all men, and narrow the problem to the culprits.

...

best answer i've heard to the "not all guys rape" cries is this: imagine you have a bag of m&ms, and you know 10% of them are poisonous. not all m&ms are poisonous, certainly. that doesn't mean you'd be wrong to say m&ms are dangerous.

yes, this is a good read. people need to own up to their shit, and stop perpetrating rape culture. i'm very purposefully saying people and not men, because there are plenty of women doing it as well. the two sides on this matter aren't and shouldn't be men and women. the two sides should be those who want equality and safety for all, and those who don't, of whatever sex, gender, race, etc.
i am NOT fighting against men. i am fighting against those who say i'm less then a man, whether they have a penis or not is irrelevant.

[having not read the above properly, i confused it with another version i'd read earlier and would later retract] the m&ms example! is totally fallacious. if you're equating men to m&ms, and you're eating handfuls at the same time without actually examining them first, then you're being irresponsible. i'd say the same to men about women.

i'd go with this statement if you want a valid argument.

and to go back to "not all men", this past few days have seemed to be dedicated to hating ALL men. while i'm totally on board with fighting rape culture and it upsets me no end that woman have such legitimate cause to be afraid, the number of incidents in which *i've* been labelled as part of the problem EVEN IN OTHER, UNRELATED DISCUSSIONS is deeply disturbing. what also bothers me is how many women are preaching to the choir, because the saddest part of this being an inculturated problem is that the men who perpetrate these acts are either oblivious to the fact that they're doing it or are impervious to convincing arguments.

yes, there's a problem. no, not all men are a part of it. yes, this needs to be talked about, argued about, fought about. no, it doesn't need to be fought with illogical inflammatory arguments. how about, instead of antagonizing all men and making us defensive, we figure out a way to break down the gender barrier?

every time i see the "men are raped and abused too" statistics cited i think how ridiculous it is that this is being treated as "men vs women" instead of "people need to respect other people". "no" to rape, "no" to harassment, "no" to violence, "no" to inequality.

"no" to gender wars.

---protoplasm: rule #1 - don't be a dick. it is the only rule. it's pretty simple really, yet there are so many that just don't get it.

if someone wants you in their space, they'll invite you. and no matter who you are, what you look like, or how weird you or your tastes may be, there will always be someone that will appreciate that for what it is. and that, i think, is the bit that a lot of the types that the article talks about don't get.

forcing yourself on someone on the basis of what they look like or what you perceive from a distance without even bothering to find out what they're about is only ever going to end badly for both parties, so why put everyone through all the shit just because you can't be arsed to follow (or learn) a few simple rules of engagement?