on parole: sound check - part down

i woke up yesterday morning really, really nervous. it didn't help that while attempting to fill out the registration form i realized that i had, a number of weeks ago, downloaded a sample exam that would have helped tremendously in my preparation. feeling stupid, and under a lot of pressure, i hurriedly walked through the materials before leaving for the test. i had just enough time. it was pretty important that i did that, because what followed would have been way worse otherwise!

for the first time i looked properly at the photos i had taken the other day: i looked like shit.

the day was going to be all about panic versus calm in the face of a big life moment. tgtbt made me smile with her enthusiastic support and helpful corrections when we corresponded in french, messages from friends and family were a nice gesture but at the end of the day it would be me alone versus the machine.

listening to my ipod on the metro, i pressed next on a track i wasn't enjoying, then grinned like an idiot when paul van dyke - words came on.

my primary concern on leaving the metro: if i'm so nervous, do i really need caffeine? better safe than sorry, i told myself as i purchased a cup.

phase 1: writing

i found the room i needed to be in without much difficulty, and stood looking at the desks to decide where to sit.
"this is the right place," said one of the women (in french, not one moment of the next four hours would be conducted in english). "find a seat."
i continued looking, so she repeated herself with an unnecessarily condescending tone.
"yes," i stammered, "i understood. i'm trying to decide where to sit."

i hadn't completed the registration form before arriving because i had questions about it that needed answering. when i approached their table after finding my desk i handed them all my documents and began explaining that i had issues that needed resolving. she shoo'ed me away from the table so that she could stand up and inform everyone (with even more condescension in her tone) "it is a GOOD idea for one to complete the registration form BEFORE arriving at the test".

was that really necessary? i bit my tongue and slowly repeated my questions. her answers were flippant and dismissive, so screw her and the horse she rode in on.

the written exam consisted of two parts.

the first, 80+ words continuing an article about a group of neighbours suing some woman for owning a rooster that was waking everyone up each morning. having had my own run-in with this sort of thing, i could draw on my experience, but damn, essay writing is a creative endeavour and tests my ability to make up stories rather than my ability to express myself in french. just saying.

the second part consisted of a phrase extracted from some magazine that i was supposedly writing to to weigh in with my opinion. without context the sentence made so little sense that i sat staring at it for precious minutes before i arrived at something that seemed logical, and proceeded to churn out about half of the 200+ words they wanted from me.

after one hour into three and a half of the total test, i had written 150-200 words of absolute bullshit. i felt like i was failing a blood test.

phase 2: e-tests

reading, listening comprehension and basic exercises (like completing sentences). some sections of the tests were pleasantly surprising. others, mortifying. i don't know what kind of asshole thought up the audio test, but an exam which automatically plays through the entire forty minutes without the ability to pause nor revise an answer is psychologically abusive.
for example, there was a question near the end where i had to say whether the displayed text matched the audio track, and i said "yes". suddenly i realized that i'd misheard "le" as "ce" and made to correct my mistake, but just as i clicked "no" the question flipped and so my answer remained incorrect.

they subtract points for incorrect answers.

phase 3: oral exam

returning to the dentist who fucked up my teeth would have been more pleasant. of course, the woman before me being fluent did wonders for my confidence...

the oral examination consists of two parts, five minutes formal and ten minutes informal. the formal part saw me being interviewed telephonically for a job. again, that felt like it was testing my ability to interview rather than my linguistic savvy. having said that, the first part seemed to go better than the second. in the second i had to talk to an examiner as if we were good friends and convince her to apply for a reality show. she may have made it relatively easy, but in my opinion it was more along the lines of a debating exam than a language one. shit, i couldn't think of anything to say to this stranger in english, forget translating! she did give me an opportunity for entirely unwarranted flattery, though, which i hope helped rather than hindered.

i'm fairly certain that they'd had enough of me before my time was up. i walked out thinking "that was never ten minutes just there!" in michael palin's voice. i don't think that's a good sign at all.

i was on my way out of the entrance to the building when a cute girl who'd also taken the exam approached me to clarify something she'd misunderstood from the instructions: were we to stay until 6.30, or could we leave once we were done? dumbfounded, now *i* wasn't sure, so i followed her around for a bit until we were fairly certain that we were just wasting our time.

i entered the eaton centre food court in search of pre-boxing dinner, and found myself at subway. for the first time ever since i arrived here, the girl behind the counter spoke to me in french and i responded in french, celebrating the exam being over by ordering everything without reverting to english once.

i was bummed on the metro, though. have i burned out? if so, is this from yesterday's stress or from before... like before i quit? is my brain not functioning properly? did i miss a nervous breakdown? i can't imagine that i did, but i definitely haven't been on top of my game in a long time...

... and yet, life's not bad. i guess it's all about perspectives and emotions, and post-exam mine were pretty bleak. i'll find out in two weeks if i really crashed and burned, or if i somehow pulled through. all i can do is keep calm and carry on.

the big company pulse's friend referred my resume to? i received an email on friday evening saying that they'd like to proceed with interviewing me. superb! now i just need to get comfortable coding again, the last test was painful :(

it was a great fight night! the matches were mostly exciting, the few that weren't were over quickly. one of the best fights came right after the worst, in which a snotty young kid destroyed his opponent while an enthusiastic troll - his father, i presume - shouted grossly inappropriate things like "fuck him up!" and "break his face!". he made everyone so awkward that we all stopped applauding to stare angrily, and it was only after the following fight that the tension dissipated and everyone chilled out again.

it only ever takes one asshole...

afterwards, while waiting with the group from class to go out and celebrate one of ours winning his fight, i chatted with pbb (potential boxing boss) and learned something very interesting indeed! apparently, the permit process should be way shorter for me than before because i already have my caq. it's transferable? i'm gonna check that out tomorrow!

i didn't feel too cold outside until we were almost at the bar, but then suddenly we were all freezing. i don't have a clue where we went, but it was a decent place with a dj playing a surprisingly solid mix of pop, 90's and classics. we all pitched in for a couple of bottles of vodka and mixers, the vibe was excellent and we were all having a fun time.

until i wasn't. fortunately, that was only at the end of the night just before the bar closed. apparently, two solid rums, a beer and i-couldn't-even-keep-track of the quantity of vodka i consumed don't work well on an empty stomache. the last time i've been in such a bad state was in 2008, when i got stuck in a fainting loop. i was constantly on the verge of fainting last night, and staying conscious was extremely demanding. i'm incredibly proud of myself that i managed to confine my throwing up to the toilets - no thanks to the fight organizer (gently) punching me in the belly as i hurried down there the first time - and i was constantly thinking of the "rock bottom" meme and being grateful for not having reached it. one of the girls gave me a ride home, and she's obviously super experienced with drunk people because she was extremely patient and considerate.

i still shouldn't have let her know about my dancing history (which we discussed before i was properly wasted, so i don't have an excuse). i hope that doesn't get back to our coach...

---saturday:

it must have been about 4am. i managed to get up the stairs and into the bathroom, got what i hoped was everything out and then tried to get some water down before crashing on the couch, far too drunk to get myself into a shower and certainly not prepared to drag my dirty carcass into bed. even drinking water made me nauseous.

not a good sign.

so without any hydration, i passed out. i woke up several hours later still feeling terribly drunk and incapable of doing anything about it. i suffered hours of anguish and keeping things like water down still wasn't working. it was only about 1pm when i finally could start treating myself. everything would continue to be hazy and the most basic things difficult until around 5pm. all i could handle until then was brainlessly watching a whole lot of freaks and geeks. it's a great series for that.

i stayed away from coffee the whole time because i was really worried that i'd developed an ulcer. fortunately, i think my concerns were for naught.

[continued...]