medictation

last night i lit some incense, tuned in to an ambient station and spent the next few hours thinking long and hard about my love life, my current position at work and immigration. i've been avoiding thinking about these things and i believe i've come to terms with everything.

1. pg. i'd been listening to a lot of house music until she left, and went straight to rock for consolation. oddly enough, i've had karnivool songs repeatedly stuck in my head even though i haven't been listening to them as much and even though i haven't really given their lyrics much of a chance. in particular, deadman. today, i really listened to the lyrics a few times and i'm convinced that my subconscious was trying to tell me something.

2. work. we have a problem, and it's a serious bummer. long story short, our micro-managing cto just took a step so far back that he's undone all of my work and put us in a dangerous, inefficient and unrealistic position of being a supporting team for a single developer. but i still believe in our product - imperfect as it may be - and i also feel that i owe some loyalty to the ceo, and that's before taking into account my desire to keep a steady job at least until i have permanent resident status.

3. immigration. this is home. this apartment, this city, this country. that's a big mental switch to make.

---i slept late, and i guess it was the miserably boring weather outside that made me return to bed with tea and my kindle when i couldn't sleep anymore. i slipped into reading-induced sleep again, after which i finally had it in me to get up and do stuff.

it was seriously windy today. hard-to-walk-into kind of wind. chilly and mean.

first item on the agenda? draw cash to pay the rent. only i'd reached my weekly limit and i couldn't figure out why - it took some detectoring before figuring out that my repayment of the company's pre-panama cash advance had pushed into my rent money. shit. so i returned home, picked up my passport (i can't withdraw from a teller without it) and went back, withdrew the cash, and thanked the helpful information lady again for her earlier assistance. she was in a magnanimous mood, and offered to check that everything in my account was okay - if it hadn't been for her going out of her way, i wouldn't have known that my credit card bills are not paid automatically and i would've incurred a fine.

nice! as in, at least now i know to get in touch with them and sort that shit out.

i paid the rent, went to the gym to ask embarrassing questions about appropriate gear: i'll have to go shopping tomorrow. so much for owning as little as possible. aside from training shorts, i'm going to need shin protectors and gloves. i hear a *ka-ching* on the other end.

i finally restocked my fridge, then went to godmother for dinner. i stopped to pick up flowers on the way, the guy asked me where pg was...

anyway, yang was playing fallout 3, and i think that's what i'm going to do for what remains of the evening.