the tail

right now, i'm both happy and hurting. no, i'm not having one of those masochistic moments. i was sitting at coffeeholic, enjoying my iced-coffee and happily awaiting the arrival of my roast-beef salad when the kid called, informing me that an obscure package had arrived via ups that needed paying for. i didn't recognize the name of the sender nor the company listed (amplifier?!), so i told him not to accept it. when i got home i discovered that it was my penny arcade order. i'm glad / very, very lucky that i managed to get the delivery dude to come back.

i'm excited over the gear that arrived, the books are sweet and the hoodie is super-frikkin' awesome. the poster's a lot smaller than i expected, but that's my fault.

what's painful is that i had to pay NIS 250 for the shipping, because they chose ups. they didn't use ups last time, so i didn't really think that sort of thing would happen. after a pleasant chat with a really sweet-sounding girl in their israeli operations centre, i understand two things:
1) if possible, don't use ups
2) if you must use ups, you have to specify in advance that your order of less than $1000 MUST NOT be regarded as high-priority. you see, if it's a cheap package then they assume you simply didn't spend enough.

"awful" doesn't have an 'e' in it. fine. i get it.

the ups package is what i thought i was going to the post office to pick up this morning, but i was wrong. that pick-up was for this month's wired. they simply don't fit in our mailbox. speaking of wired, the last two copies really helped me get through the past week.

i just got mail from the hospital. i tried to arrange an appointment with them over the phone, but that's not their policy so i had to send them my referral by fax - a horrible story in and of itself.
the mail tells me that i have an appointment with them in just over a week - a date that is simply impossible for me to make.

now i can't get hold of them by phone. they suck.

my snowboard vacation is paid for! now i just need to sort out the transport and everything will be fine ^_^

the last week:

i was super chilled on friday morning, and i got almost all of my homework done on the train. after a lot of bus station confusion we boarded with a girls' platoon, and were informed that we were forbidden to talk to the ladies for the last two weeks of the course.

not a chance.

i've been ill since friday. sickly, exhausted (physically and mentally), a little dizzy at times... it hasn't been too much fun.

friday night i finally clicked with a bunch of the guys, including one of our commanders, over a conversation about movies and gaming. i almost put myself in a bad place when i performed the monster-hands thing from pan's labyrinth: there was a long moment when i thought i'd made a terrible call, and then the dawning of recognition crossed the commander's face and he stopped thinking i was a complete nutter.

reading about shai agassi was quite a pick-me-upper.

i had some strange dreams this past week. a few nights i couldn't sleep at all, during one i managed to kill a mosquito that had been driving me nuts for five hours by slamming my head down on the pillow when the buzzing reached my ear.

we were tested in a number of ways this week - the last period is one of intense paranoia and any mistake could fail us. in fact, a large number of people said goodbye yesterday, and although a couple of the decisions pleased me (the sneaky kid's gone, for example), there were a few that have me quite disappointed. having my commander sit next to me for half an hour, watching me pass by 2% and then making fun of me on his way out the class was not pleasant.

sport's day sucked. i was only told a minute before the volleyball game began that i wasn't in the team anymore. that stung.

ah, that reminds me. there are a number of cadets with me that think that because me hebrew isn't as good as theirs that i'm stupid, and stupid enough that i don't know that they're laughing at me - to my face - and then pretending to be friends afterwards. it's incredibly unpleasant.

in fact, it's specifically that bunch of people that makes me feel like finishing this course is something of survival and not achievement. i haven't actually enjoyed the last couple of months, just a couple of moments here and there. i'm fantasizing about airports and my imaginary apartment that i haven't seen yet. that's where my head's at about 90% of the time.

---why was i thinking about unity?
it was a cold night, and the queue outside the club was doubled back around the parking lot. i'd been inside, dancing like a maniac, my shirt had been off for a while and i was enjoying that clean-sweat feeling. i felt the desire to go to the petrol station to get myself some chocolate, and i headed down the stairs.

i stood at the door, watching the rain drizzling down on the people waiting in line, and seeing everyone huddling together and trying to keep somehow dry struck a chord deep inside me.

i decided that there was no way that i was going to run to the petrol station.

i walked - slowly - all the way there, and all the way back, having made a conscious decision to *enjoy* the sensation (i had waterproof pockets, so i wasn't concerned). i knew i would be warm enough to make the journey, and that i'd dry off (or not :P) by dancing... all in all, not a tremendously ridiculous call to make.

i will never forget the shock and awe that seemed to ripple through the crowd. nor the comments that i overheard, repeated in various forms: "wow! i want whatever that guy's had!"

nope, i wasn't on drugs, people. just will and perspective.

---during the last couple of days i really bonded with some of the guys from the first leg of the course. we're all more or less in the same head-space for the first time since we arrived at our current base, and i finally feel connected again.

apparently i'm still considered a new immigrant as far as the idf is concerned. i don't think this scores me any points, but it's good to know :P

watching a few minutes of some random soccer game, i realized what it is about being a spectator that doesn't appeal to me. if i can't learn anything useful, i don't want to watch.

football (soccer, like), for instance, can be extremely interesting as far as plays are concerned, but overall there's no real strategy involved. watching extreme sports is fun because i fantasize about actually doing those things, even if i'm psychologically limited to staring at the screen (after a couple of nasty rollerblading accidents i've never fully regained my confidence).

anyway, the course is almost done and everybody's going crazy, and now i'm going to see about dealing with my computer issues so that i can upload some designs.

[this post written from ubuntu. i can't figure out how to uninstall / reinstall hardy heron.]