Monday, July 27, 2015

ethical army

in response to someone deriding the IDF code of ethics:

the sad fact is that they're doing the best they can within the context that they're forced into. what's hard to understand from a non-military / outsider's perspective is that the extent to which the israeli army follows the ethical codes outlined in that little book actually undermines their power and is strategically unsound.

it's not good for the palestinians either way, because if the israelis don't fully suppress the instigating elements (hamas in particular) then they're in trouble, and if the israelis do what needs to be done innocent civilians will be harmed.

ultimately, the region needs an alternative solution. there are plenty of people on both sides of the fence who would welcome a real solution and would love to just get on with their lives, but fear really does control everything which is why netanyahu kept his position in the last elections and why the palestinians let the terrorists run everything. most israelis are tired of fighting, and most palestinians are tired of subjugation (they're suffering infinitely more because of hamas than they are because of israel, but they're not allowed to admit it).

the biggest difference we can make from the outside is to stop picking sides and start thinking about ways forward, because i promise you no solutions are going to come from within. and there will never be a solution if everyone keeps blaming israel or the palestinians for the crazy and horrible events that continue to take place on a daily basis.

Sunday, July 26, 2015

interesting things seen lately

you don't get to have opinions on facts. you're allowed to have your opinions, but not believing in established reality is not the same thing.

i suspect that google's AI drawing results are not due to the intelligence not perceiving things the way we do, but rather its not expressing them the same way. just because when asked to draw a table i'll go with the minimum lines to get the message across, doesn't mean that that's what's in my head when i think of one. these images seem pretty similar to how i think, at least.

this is a brilliant article on 21st century living

"give ________ a hug?" not by force.

here are forty psychology facts everyone should know.

an interesting point of view on addiction

our position in the galaxy explained simply: this is a really fun read! right until the scary bit about how we might be inviting predator races...

this sounds like a peace prize that's actually deserved: interfaith encounter association

who runs america? the media.

nineteen fun (almost) forgotten english words

global warming: we're setting records, in case you were wondering.

bring on plastic roads!

a new hope: seaweed that can replace bacon could really make a difference to our fight against global warming, droughts and unethical farming. insects might help, too!

a machine that converts plastic into oil seems too good to be commercially available. just like solar-powered planes.

new york city's styrofoam ban is a good model.

new letters added to the genetic alphabet: exciting stuff!

the hard lives of britain's synthetic marijuana addicts - this is scary stuff, even worse than it sounded in the union documentary... there's no reason to synthesize something that's healthy and easy to grow. except greed, and ignorance.

shut up and take my money! stem cell dental implants.

and floating plasma displays are very, very cool too.

Friday, July 24, 2015

you just don't know

the problem with the understanding of ideologies that we have is that it's restricted to the academic elite and does not reach the majority of people: if you do not understand how ideology shapes your reality then you are unlikely to question your reality.

we live in a time where we are privileged to have access to an incomprehensibly vast quantity of knowledge, but most of us consume only 140 pseudo-random characters at a time. it takes a lot of work to learn how to mine data efficiently and effectively, and then even more work to incorporate it into one's narrative. the shortcuts are enticing: find something that makes sense, and stick with it.

we delve deeply into whatever rabbit hole presents itself, learning a lot but in a very narrow context, and we end up in incompatible extremes that are counter-productive to our health and well-being as individuals and as a society as a whole.

religious ideologies are not the only ones subject to fundamentalism. throwing yourself into any universe of discourse to the exclusion of others can be disastrous, and it is always important to keep an eye out for cognitive dissonance... both in others and in ourselves.

there is no framework, narrative, body of knowledge or group of people with an answer for everything. even a system of knowledge that covers most things, like the fields of psychology or science, cannot possibly break ground into topics of mysticism and spirituality until the right tools become available, but any field that rejects psychology and science because they disagree on the fundamental nature of reality is unhealthy in every respect. the more i learn about medicine and biotech the more distorted i feel that things have become, but for all the bad science and unethical practices that have been exposed there's a majority of legitimate stuff that we cannot afford to ignore.

pluralism is a feature of many ideologies and sure, it's a form of ideology in and of itself. it's arrogant and presumptuous to attempt to enforce it through education, but it is undoubtedly the safest way to bring about a workable level of consensus.

real life is full of contradictions. if you're living without them, you're doing it wrong. if you're not confused, then you simply don't understand what's going on.

Thursday, July 23, 2015

the forest for the tree

my mantra for the last week: if a tree falls in a forest and nobody is around to hear it, did it actually fall? in software, the answer is "no". if you've built an amazingly useful tool and you don't tell anyone about it, you may as well not have wasted your time.

last friday:

another good night's sleep and waking up to wonderful, cool weather

money and painting and pregnancy: i feel like we should be prioritizing food, healthcare and diapers over our walls looking amazing, but i guess the idea of financial responsibility is less powerful than hormonal nesting requirements. keeping my mouth shut through an irrational rant made me feel like i understand why married men age faster.

a day full of other people's problems. lots of reviewing, debating, explaining; getting to the end tremendously tired and having a hard time focusing, then spending an hour just logging my hours. at least there was an interesting break to chat with one of my old teammates about children

our boy's godmother's wedding gift of tons of baby equipment
remembering yael deckelbaum
funny people, still hysterical forty years later
house centipedes are freaky

saturday:

not much sleep, ipad frustrations and a little tekken before heading out with ratatat's mind control device (neckbrace) in my head. successful shopping but returning irritable and not in the right frame of mind for painting prep

when a paint product has two values that are both colours - the colour and the finish - it would be nice if they could be labelled as such so that us laypeople don't have to make complete asses of ourselves.

four hours of painting, then a few hours tuning out to arrow and getting to bed reasonably early

sunday:

how to make me lose my shit: send me off to shop for things i'm not familiar with and the store doesn't stock when there's time pressure and the staff don't know how to speak english

my brother-in-law is so tall he can paint up to the ceiling without a roller extension. a good starting pace, then a quick run to home depot and subway, then an afternoon of painting by myself (and doing a passable job).

learning that my ex-brother-in-law just passed away, not feeling much other than sorry for how much damage he did to my sister and their kids. it fascinates me that he's the only real alcoholic i've known, and until the shit hit the fan i had absolutely no clue.

walking out into hot, humid and rainy weather: my three most hated kinds. our iga, after a month of us asking that they restock an item in apricot flavour, finally restocked in blueberry flavour. i wanted to punch somebody, and sought out a manager who promptly ignored me and walked away. we wouldn't shop there if we had a choice... just like everyone else in the area.

gd's friends coming over to help us consume some of the wine horseman felt obliged to gift us; gd's dinner was awesome but she got pretty tired pretty soon after we finished eating

going to bed in an intense thunderstorm, but (mysteriously) no rain entering our open windows...

monday:

saskatoon smoker adventure dream
waking up to money troubles, looming tax filing, old iphone recycling prep

a long workday being forced to micromanage my junior. half an hour of shit-eating for following my managers' instructions about delegation, followed by an evaluation where my managers managed to surprise me by just how much i've disappointed them; not technically, where i score full marks, but in terms of project management and leadership skills. after six painful points i lost all interest in continuing, i'm not going to learn on the job with major challenges in addition to looming deadlines and babysitting troublesome juniors with no change in compensation which isn't really sufficient to cover the three of us anyway. they can find another sucker, i'm going to stick to what i'm good at.

lots of beers and shadowrun (sixth world), which was a *lot* of fun.

tuesday:

two tasks checked off the list, one tax-related and one putting up clothing hooks. stepping out with two thoughts:

1. promoting someone to a leadership role in a hostile environment* with no prior training and no compensation is counterproductive. and if every lead you have quickly becomes disaffected, perhaps you should reevaluate your process.

* it's hostile to authority. my team is comprised of a bunch of fun people, but they're "b" players at best and they're not the type to want to improve

2. i've had a lot of opportunity for self-reflection these past weeks, in particular about my aspie-ness, and i couldn't be more grateful to have finally found a woman who not only loves me as much as i love her, but who has as much patience in her as she does fight.

a morning of making myself clear to my managers
a good run, fun pads with a coworker but i learned to a) bring gloves and b) remove my wedding ring. tungsten carbide is tougher than i am...

a long reassuring chat with my mom, a quicker one with my toronto cousin, and an evening filled with the joy of discovering that our team's "star" who i was forced to delegate to / back off from completely fucked up the simplest of designs and i need to rewrite the damned thing.

the man on the metro guzzling down fast food: dropping a french fry on the dirty seat next to him and shovelling it into his mouth without hesitation

coming home furious at being completely drenched on my way home from the supermarket after having been blown away by an incredible sunset on my way there, spending the evening recovering with a beer and an honest liar

yesterday:

struggling to get out of bed, coffee with gd and my mom and figuring out circumcision stuff, receiving an email from pg informing me that i now have to cancel my israeli social security in a hurry

my manager's enthusiasm over two of my referrals

waiting until 2pm to call the embassy only to have them repeatedly put the phone down on me

a long, disconnected day switching from urgent project items to urgent client problems that left me scratching my head for hours over code that is the exact opposite of "optimized".

leaving at 8pm after investing time in configuring a code sniffer

second-hand pain from gd: of all the rough shit we've had to deal with, the final stage of pregnancy is the hardest

it's definitely time for a modernized version of labyrinth

today so far:

going to bed late, waking up early
the cleaning lady arriving with a huge bag of goodies for our child

Friday, July 17, 2015

abrasive

this week has been completely owned by ratatat. i really feel like my life was missing something before their grooves got lodged deep in my brain.

sunday:

weak forearms, crashing early

monday:

waking up early but relatively well
a productive hour in the office before rushing off the the hospital because it's too much to ask that doctors in the maternity ward treat pregnant women as if they're pregnant and having a hard enough time as it is.

if i ask for a soy latte after i've ordered a sandwich and you suggest a trio, i'm going to assume that both of those items constitute part of that trio. if you've convinced me to add a salad to that and then when we get to the checkout you inform me that only filter coffee can be an element of a trio, you're an asshole and you can keep your damned salad while i keep your tip. #firstworldproblems

returning to the office to hear exciting news about our project schedule, to wade through a lot of bureaucratic nonsense (and learning that i got our packages mixed up because our project manager is utterly incompetent) and to learn about spiratest and establish conventions for our developers

no, epicure, i will not spend $14 on a watermelon, you bastards.

home, shopping, mom's grandmaternity planning
discovering node.js payment options and being really glad i picked the right infrastructure. stripe is awesome, and i wouldn't have known about it if i hadn't tried to read a bit of wired magazine for the first time in a while

tuesday:

brushing my teeth, lying down on the bed in the fan's breeze at 1am and then hearing "i want watermelon"...
... climbing back up into the heat and taking the still-cool watermelon and sliding through its perfect ripeness with the perfect slicer and generating the best excuse for brushing my teeth twice

waking up at 3.30am to the sound of a box filled with small objects hitting the floor and scattering its contents

the struggle to get up out of bed after finally getting perfectly comfortable after a long, rough night was lessened by some good laughs and a last perfect slice of watermelon

hot run thoughts: seeking job security  is a sign of weakness, if i'm good at my job i'll figure out a way to do it so efficiently and effectively that i'll be able to free myself for more interesting challenges

a long day of bureaucratic project management headaches caused by our aforementioned incompetent pm.

coming home to kitchen learning disabilities that turned into a long, rough lesson on aspie adjustments to pregnancy

wednesday:

starting the day hopping from one foot to the other

project planning, code reviews and giving parenting advice to a moron
making up hours by staying late and finishing evaluations

a reminder of why gd and i are made for each other
a solid couple of hours on my project and making exciting progress

yesterday:

suddenly registering the time at 1.40am

a good night's sleep, getting out of bed early and learning how to make a tax amendment: screw accountants, man. between the website and telephone support i sorted it out myself in less time than it would have taken to get to their offices.

bureaucracy: revenu quebec would not make payments until we set up direct deposit. now that that's done, the payments can be deducted from our amount due. did they *really* need to know where not to send the money?

nifty and i spent half an hour on the rape scene for the comic... it's not explicit but it came out so well that it actually generated anxiety! totally made my day, and he had fun in spite of his sensitivity.

an afternoon spent reviewing and coaching (and learning a little along the way)

hitting the gym feeling woozy and weak, but making it through with only a little weariness and feeling good after a satisfying effort.

watching a guy who started training around the same time as me rolling with firas zahabi for almost five minutes before he finally got submitted in one of the most entertaining jiujitsu battles i've ever seen

a decent bit of work before absolute exhaustion set in


Monday, July 13, 2015

meeting expectations

i did a "check your privilege" checklist the other day and it informed me that i'm not privileged. so that's something, as i guess now i have official authority to talk about privilege. i'll say one thing for now, though - nothing shows me how privileged i am as watching gd yelping in pain when our son starts kicking her in the bladder.

wednesday:

i want to know exactly what to expect when our baby's born, because anything that wasn't explained will not be authorized. so any procedures, possible injections, etc... if we don't know what's happening, someone will pay. no whisking away our child before i've gotten a good look and a recording / photo, either. people are freakin' scary.

pre-evaluation: i'm not doing so hot, apparently. i've gotten nothing but mixed feelings from my managers and i'm anticipated some surprises.

...

our team voted on doing the quarterly lunch at kanda, which is a terrible options for vegans. i was on my way out to the gym instead when one of my managers walked past and said "i'm just going to sit with them, i'm not eating there either". i had the words "leading by example" running through my head, decided i wouldn't leave the team and went back upstairs to drop off my gear. as i walked onto our floor i saw that our tunisian developer was staying behind, and he reminded me that it's ramadan - "oh," i thought, "well if he's not going then sod them."
i made it all the way to the gym before registering that that manager is muslim too, and then i felt really bad because if it's ramadan and he's putting himself through that then i certainly have no excuse. so i rushed back upstairs again to really drop off my gear and get to the restaurant.
my other manager lit up when i arrived and pointed to an empty chair across from him. "go tell <the other manager> that you're joining us, he's paying right now."
so i went over to explain to him that i was joining and that the reason i was joining was that i'd just remembered that it's ramadan and i didn't want him to suffer alone... and he told me that he was only coming to pay, that there was no way he'd be putting himself through that.

the fuck?!

so i told him i'd walk back with him and went to tell my teammates that i was standing by my earlier decision... at which point they informed me that they'd already ordered for me.

...

an afternoon of design, bureaucracy, evaluations, a continued pre-evaluation, and designing until late

awkward gym dude on the metro, i'm pretty sure he's a bit autistic.
small personal project victories

this is *my* house, fly.

thursday:

too comfortable to get out of bed, explaining to my mother why i don't let people post on my facebook wall (nobody understands private messages these days)

an inspirational "why have kids" thread from a friend of mine

taking my neighbour aside

nifty not showing up for illustration hour
israeli resume spellcheck fail
design finalization and leaving with the feeling that our project's on track

jump rope crossovers, sweaty training, too dizzy to continue after half the drills

heavy shopping after training, no appetite and a shit evening

friday:

going to bed late, waking up in the middle of the (morning?) for a stretch and a scribble and then getting up better for breakfast and french and tax stuff

evaluations are trying. nem showed himself to be shit at them and tried to guilt me into agreeing with his (clearly incorrect) method

another embarrassing failure by the same guy as two weeks ago; after putting on my detective's hat and finding the bug through the process of elimination i scored myself both a follower (weak as he may be) and my manager's full support for pushing our devs to begin each task by writing test scripts with our QA guys

a really good run, completed and including a couple of sprints
exchanging distanced pleasantries with godmother

shopping and cooking and creepy neighbour asking for party permission - 11am is not 2am

gd struggling - this pregnancy shit is hardcore. extreme fatigue + painful varicose veins + nausea + karate kid.

yesterday:

waking up to gd in agony, hospital ready-bag shopping and wasp running
tax mission.

it's hard to feel pity for the homeless woman lying half-naked on the floor of the mostly full metro car smoking a cigarette. it's even harder to feel pity for the people politely pretending that everything's okay.

getting to the office door only to find out that they've changed their hours, calling gd and hearing a full-blown fight break out between her and the neighbours because those animals were laughing at the fact that they trashed our other neighbour's garden.

nap, calling my mom and then her and gd ganging up on me (with love, it's cool), horseman coming over for an evening of brainstorming

today:

a night full of dreams of gas and matches and visiting fictional relatives and gangsters
losing our shit over a lost remote control which was under the couch, curating spotify

a chat with our neighbour from downstairs, and after talking to our landlord it looks like the assholes are going to have to leave

good handiwork putting up shelves, going for a sunny walk for too long with a pregnant lady, too much time in the home depot and just a bit more expensive than we'd planned for...

a super-heated summer afternoon
dragging myself to the supermarket to get a watermelon, coming home with the last quarter in stock and sorbet so expired the spoon bounced off it

Friday, July 10, 2015

aspixiation

i suddenly realized (or remembered?) that being diagnosed with stress in the sixth grade makes perfect sense for a kid perpetually adjusting for undiagnosed asperger's. and that constant, inexplicable outsider status and victimization during childhood isn't such a mystery any more. last night i finally understood what gd has been referring to as my "insistence", and that it's the reason my coworkers never understand that my talking about something does not mean that i expect it to be handled right now.

i cannot *get* how i'm supposed to soften the edges of my speech when i can only interpret that as "don't talk about things that bother or excite you, especially if they're important to you".

it sounds to me like i have a tone that i produce when i feel that i need to be heard and it makes people not want to listen. and that i repeat myself when i don't feel like what i'm saying is appreciated.

Wednesday, July 08, 2015

just married

this last week has just flown by. the biggest lesson has been about marriage. gd and i committed to each other almost as soon as we met, and i've had all sorts of things to say about the meaning of marriage as an antiquated system of control and an irrelevant social contract. but when all's said and done, after we underwent the (three minute) ritual and signed the papers, we *do* feel different. it's like there's a biological reflex, it's difficult to define but it's most assuredly present. we are married, we are very happy about it, and as uncomfortable as i am wearing rings on my fingers this one is working out for me.

---
thursday:

dragging myself out of an absolutely comfortable bed in order to leave early and get to the post office before work, but getting ready too late and dealing with gd's taxes instead. the revenu quebec password system's so "good" it actually caused unnecessary tension.

DEAR WORLD: STOP FORCING PEOPLE TO JUMP THROUGH HOOPS IN ORDER TO AUTHENTICATE THEMSELVES, IT'S YOUR SYSTEM THAT NEEDS TO ADAPT TO THE USERS AND NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

enough with the cased letters, symbols, numbers and oh-shit-what-was-i-thinking-at-the-time security questions. ssl and multiple-factor authentication is not only enough, it's better.

...

a long day fine-tuning tuesday's design

pushap lunch, awkwardness after accidentally insulting someone's mother

finally finishing the short paragraph i'd spent hours reworking and realizing that it was 8pm already
godmother's call to congratulate us on getting married - no awkwardness there - followed by my mom's
the harvey's $3 mayo experience: "thats a LOT of mayo. that's more mayo than fries!" she repeated, about five or six times, while the long line waited behind me. all i wanted was fries for myself as an excuse to pick up mayo for gd without going to the store. i got it, but the full price for the ten packets of mayo ended up being $3 and a minute of indignity.

coming home to indecision, bad eating and then the excision of old photos from my albums.

friday:

not enough sleep and it was filled with dreams: fighting over turning off the heating in an apartment we were moving from, the playground with the amazing view being attacked by "wait, those aren't birds - they're rushing polar bears", the taxi driver not slowing down when we approached the destination, turning onto the highway and lighting up a cigarette with the windows up, then dumping me in the middle of the road after i yelled at him and shouting "yalla!"
fallout-style eloping with the wrong partner

code review reminding me of http://bash.org/?663354
fun fluxx, a slow afternoon that included:
1. a teammate's washing machine and dryer being stolen. and nothing else.
2. a compost payment receipt after i cancelled a week ago
3. gd, eight and a half months pregnant on the day before we get married, getting into a taxi that turned the wrong way down the busiest one-way street in montreal; when she yelled at the driver for continuing to head into oncoming traffic, he made her get out in the middle of the road. which i realized while posting this matches eerily with the last dream i had had.

couldn't make this shit up if i tried. then we got home to find the upstairs neighbours' cat was trapped on their balcony and nobody would answer the door so we had to call the landlord...

candle lighting followed by a good dinner followed by candle unlighting

the wedding day:

not much sleep, militaristic dreams and a morning almost damaged by a horrific russian icon [WARNING: what you will see if you click that link cannot be unseen] before being rescued by a perfect circle

getting lost near the palais de justice, rushing a little but getting there on time. a very quick, very simple procedure with a very pleasant, accommodating official. a rest at starbucks to initiate the social media thing, then off to comiccon. we couldn't do that for very long, but we had fun and saw a lot of amazing costumes. horseman came home with us, we intended to play wedding-day tekken but he left when he saw that wedding-day napping was more the order of the day - i was literally falling over, i was absolutely exhausted. i must've come down with something, because i only started feeling a little better on sunday morning and i've had a few spells since.

gd on her two rings: "the wedding ring is sacred! it's a part of me. but the yoda ring is awesome!"

the COMIX vernissage at abyss was good, and it was nice to spend some of our wedding day at the place where we first met. afterwards we went to p.m. for a wonderful meal before coming home and crashing hard.

sunday:

relaxed start with ratatat - it's incredible, hypnotic stuff. shopping, painting day, giving up on dev env ssl, more shopping

getting halfway through chappie and needing to stop because gd got too emotional

monday:

getting up really early only to leave kind of early, this summer / laser hair removal thing isn't working out for me at all, i can't seem to avoid tanning even if i'm only in the sun for about five minutes at a time and very infrequently. fortunately, after a week of exfoliating every day and continuing to be super-careful the technician managed to work with me. they should prepare the skin with ice packs every time, for everyone. i barely felt the pulses and they were stronger than before.

the pleasant surprise of getting a "wedding day" off, almost losing it due to excessive honesty :P
spot contacted me to congratulate us, and we had a conversation. i'm not sure he sensed that while i'm not hating him anymore, we're never going to be good friends again.

mostly tedious work, broken for a solid hour of sketching with nifty, an hour in a meeting that i predominantly spent focused on my posture, an hour and a half of evaluation preparation and the uncomfortable realization that i've got to handle the ones for my team: i, myself, and not a manager. the last time i evaluated somebody formally was cam2 and i'm still disturbed by his reactions.

the laser treatment clinician's excitement over my following the advice and my finding my plastic protector. the ice-pack solution working well.
chappie: DAMN. that's some hardcore cleverness right there. i can't imagine how non-saffers can follow the language, though, at one point the subtitles translated "jasis" to "yes yes". there were a few narrative issues but i didn't find it difficult to suspend disbelief in spite of them.

chatting with SxS and then my mom

yesterday:

one of the longest nights of pain and discomfort, starting the day nicely and then rushing to get out to de l'église:
"it's raining."
"do you need an umbrella?"
"no. i need winter."

painless effort getting store credit in lieu of replacement stockings, some poetic inspiration, being drenched on the short walk home and finally trying to mine bitcoins three years too late after learning more about the greek economic meltdown.

leaving too early for gd's doctor's appointment that was cancelled after we arrived, getting an invite to a team lunch i can't go to because they've picked the one place i'd explained doesn't have any vegan options.

the unbearable summer heat

napping, fiverring and developing successfully.

today:

t'was a good watermelon, but it was followed by severe rls that kept me struggling for hours. this morning has just whizzed by, so now i'm off for work.

Thursday, July 02, 2015

happy canada day!

yesterday:

setting up ssl certificates for my node.js project has been a fascinating look into a part of security whose details i've never fully understood. it's been a long-slog challenge to create self-signed certificates for my windows development environment (the microsoft tools failed abysmally), and it's already taught me something useful for work. it drives me nuts that *i'm* the one who's going to update the forge project's documentation, though. it really shouldn't be this difficult to figure out how to use something so well made.
speaking of security, i find it unbelievably fortuitous that just this morning - while i was thinking about security - i came across http://readwrite.com/2015/07/01/medium-passwordless-system . reading this before implementing the various steps of locking down passwords? don't mind if i don't!

a lot of hours on the project, a few spent watching legit and agents of s.h.i.e.l.d.. the former improves quickly while the latter is excellent right until scorch is introduced.

Wednesday, July 01, 2015

this midweek day off thing is good

the world is changing. we're getting married in three days, and gd's been hunting deals on car seats and cribs. i've been properly sinking my teeth into the project i've been toying with since the end of last year.

and it's canada day today. happy canada day!

---
last monday (22nd june - yeah, seriously.):

on my way into work a bug landed on my neck. i did a little dance on the sidewalk when it happened, and then repeated the dance as i walked into the company's cafeteria when i realized that it was still there. i thought i'd heard it hit the floor, so when the elevator doors closed i was pretty surprised to feel that it had crawled into my shirt. inverting my shirt in a panic, muttering "what the fuck?!" and "ohshitohshitohshit", might not have been so worrying to my fellow passengers had i simply explained why i was behaving like that, but once i was done and that damned ladybug was visibly away from my body i just resumed my regular stance and faced forwards.

a full morning of deployment management, good lunch fluxx
polishing the project delivery (a silly mistake in a hotfix on my part), extracting magic from my team and struggling to explain why we're pushing to do more on another project that we could've legitimately closed a month ago
nem making a name for himself as a man who can't
an hour of work traded for an in-depth debate about nutrition and the importance of getting paid for art (and the failure of our education systems to teach us how to function in a basic business capacity)
finally going for an electronic recycling victory, but seriously feeling the sun's effect on my neck even when wearing sunscreen and sticking to the shade

have i ever mentioned that i'm not a big fan of summer?

rest, dinner, shadowrun: dragonfall. the more i play the more i realize i'm going to need to play again; dragonfall is HUGE.

last tuesday:

waking up very late, transitioning from foo fighters' x-static to israeli rock, post-coffee rush and another sad pair of broken earphones

sweating profusely during a client briefing.

to nem (said indirectly, in a number of ways): how can you think you can manage development when you're not a good developer, you don't have an understanding of the product and you deliberately create knowledge silos?

good-ish run, a relieving cold shower
afternoon fun, interviewing, long hours of performance review

coming home to a sink full of imposition and compost sludge

happy saint jean-baptiste.

jim jefferies: bare repeat and then an epsidoe of legit (not amazing)

last wednesday (saint jean-baptiste):

nutrition arguments, first-world problems, resting, gd's friend's visit, struggling to setup remote desktop connection from my iphone to my laptop and airplay that to the apple tv (it almost worked, but the sound kept dying and it was hell on our network)

cowboy bebop, a difficult choice for the hungry
the butler is a wonderful movie, but you probably knew that already.

thursday:

when guilt becomes explosive, righteous indignation
late to work, a long day of back-to-back meetings broken only for half an hour of sketching and about an hour of bureaucratic headaches

leaving early, feeling ill
dinner in front of black butler (uncomfortably weird)
a hard talk with my mom

cowboy bebop, animatrix, deep sleep

friday:

french lessons, compost montreal irritation blowing up into cancellation
tan-reducing techniques

db replication lessons from confoo - replication is inherently faulty, but using a queue (kafka) where actions are dequeued only when all databases have been updated is good. also, foreign keys are bad.
almost getting work done before discovering a huge failure and spending the next hours coaching juniors and writing a bloody long incidence report

gd discovering vega protein bars after months of me asking her to try them: she couldn't have just one.

walking into the gym to run, walking out after almost slipping on some poor bastard's blood (the cleanup crew was on it, but there was a lot).

shopping, cooking, animatrix, done.

saturday:

waking up on that fine line between just enough sleep and too much
positively irritable, trying to backup photos and getting drawn in to the last papers i wrote before leaving israel
paying customs double-charge on our wedding rings because they weren't labelled as replacements; at least we won't have to go through that experience again
re-rescheduling laser hair removal
mohawked police in fatigues rushing the metro is all the intimidation you need

apple store ipad replacement, not being able to afford the shake i normally get and not explaining to the popeye's guy why i was stressed when i thought they were out of vega protein bars

freaking out about finances: i make good money in a city with a low cost of living and i'm still struggling to support my family, and i don't have the right to a second source of income until i get residence. at least i can set things up to be ready for when it is legal for me.

shopping, lunch, moving furniture, watching gd watch leprechaun: origins which is a solidly horrifying movie to anyone with writing sensibilities

getting my openshift act together, working satisfyingly well until late and feeling a sense of empowerment

going to bed early

sunday:

a good night's sleep in spite of a short but intense rls incident
peaceful, productive wake up

rainy sunday
enjoying horseman's enthusiasm for my project and hearing some good ideas
deciding to take a nap, then being surprised by one of gd's friends who thought we were having a baby shower. not awkward at all:
"what are you doing here?" she asked, wondering why i would be at the baby shower.
"i live here," i answered, "what are *you* doing here?" thinking she'd come to visit our neighbours.

burning hours trying to get remote database access for my openshift instance - the tutorials have significant room for improvement - and eventually getting some idea of how to do it before a drawing crisis followed by a dinner crisis led to a new poem and delicious food (made with anguish) in front of agents of s.h.i.e.l.d.

monday:

of course, after wasting hours trying to remotely connect to my openshift application using their documentation and "specialized" software, i found a simple solution in basic port forwarding that nobody was talking about :S

rewriting friday's incidence report, investing in political correctness
a relaxed day, not delivering what was intended but it wasn't the end of the world

that weird moment as i realized during warmup that this is my last week officially single
a good boxing class in spite of my wrist acting up again, finishing all the cardio in spite of a particularly heavy belly

leftovers dinner with agents of s.h.i.e.l.d., useful progress with my node project

yesterday:

i don't even know where to begin with my dream's level of insanity. the owner of an enormous estate died and came back to tend to his wealth as a zombie, and his loyal goons were oblivious. everything was crazy high-tech. there was a competition run by a remarkably cruel woman to find victims. various attempts at escape from various elements of the estate, including an intense car chase

waking up to a sleeping gd throwing her exhalations in a way that made me get up to check that there wasn't an intruder in the corridor.

back to dreaming: a long bus ride, sitting out the window feeling the night air in the countryside

small node victories, remembering to wear the lumo lift, a morning full of individual meetings with my team; valuable feedback, and the guy who's leaving the team made it clear - politely - that he's not a fan

a tough run with a strong focus on my posture, unfortunately hurting my knee.

closing our quarter on a strong note, staying late to describe a new strategy that might actually solve our problems instead of patching them

walking out into rain, walmart fun [note: sarcasm], and sharing in gd's weirdness over the crib in our baby room, card selection pressure at the front of a queue, not eating properly

russell brand: messiah complex is really good. some particularly funny bits, a surprisingly extensive range of clever bits, and overall consistently entertaining. i'm rather glad i watched it.