Tuesday, May 27, 2014

pinched nervous - part two

[... continued]

we watched a whole bunch of shane koyczan while i ate a grilled not-as-good-and-not-really-vegan cheese which gd bought thinking it was vegan. daiya is it, people. daiya is it.

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yesterday:

i slept well but woke up with weak arms. i hope that's because i'm still recovering from last week's hard training and not due to neural damage. otherwise, i enjoyed a perfect wake-up, which set the tone for a short while before it was destroyed by someone being wrong on the internet.

a friend of gd's had come over to trade a singing lesson for a haircut and she helped me tone down some of my posts a little. the feminine touch is apparently all in using words like "perhaps" and "necessarily" in the right places even when you *know* you're right.

the half-hour singing lesson i stayed for was quite fun! and then i missioned back to the clinic for x-rays. i was told they'd be ready within an hour, so i found an italian place for great pasta and returned to play the waiting game. this time i took a face mask as i sat down, only this time there weren't any coughing kids so i struggled with keeping it on and looking silly versus playing it extra-safe. i passed out for a bit and when i awoke i worried that i'd missed my name, but the receptionists refused to check the list.

a lot of us were frustrated and angry, i don't see why they can't have a queue system like everywhere else so that we can see how many patients are ahead of us. i fretted like that for an hour, feeling like my time was being thoroughly wasted. those are minutes of my life that i could have spent having coffee across the road in a place that has internet access, dammit!

i eventually got in to see the doctor, who went over my results and informed me that i have mild degenerative disease in my neck. fan-tastic. so i guess i should stop doing jiu-jitsu, and sparring - i wasn't really doing much of those anyway, but they seem an especially bad idea now. gd and my mother have both convinced me to see an osteopath and i have a referral to a sport orthopedist.

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i got home, ran laundry, got news from scrapper that my books are selling, and all the while stressed more and more about everything. i was angry, and the causes of the anger were great and small. the employment situation, horseman failing to update me about the workshop we're trying to organize, the new artist not getting back to me, the morning's argument going on until the evening, the miserable weather and having to go shopping in it without an umbrella, and severe clumsiness when i returned all came together all made it very difficult to stop, breathe, and get perspective.

fortunately gd's happy to let me rant and when i'd finally made dinner and taken it to her i spent about fifteen minutes getting it all off my chest. then i felt much better, and then we had an argument about feminism and sexual abuse that upset both of us until we'd sorted out what it was we were trying to say, and then the evening got better though we were both knackered.

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we had an excellent night's sleep and i woke up from an epic dream ending with two giant towers in a desert, one for purification and the other a set of challenges. another group was speaking in a language with lots of "ng" sounds and my partner (i don't recall now who he was) was really slow and useless.

i started the day watching my old dean give a beautiful ted talk about working with juvenile delinquents. it's inspirational!

it's afternoon already, and i've achieved nothing of import. i'm not impressed with today at all, here's hoping it improves dramatically.

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