on the couch

i was too tired to get off it this morning - i called my little cousin who'd expressed interest in joining me for protoculture, but he bailed and then made me feel bad for making him feel bad for bailing, when i was essentially using him as an excuse to force myself to go and have some fun.

*sigh*

i eventually had a shower and crashed after a few lines of the iliad (i think it's the first time i've opened it since i've been back), and woke up around 8am. not satisfied with a night filled with dark dreams, i forced myself to lie in for another two hours...

i've just discovered that not only did i miss the trance party last night, but balkanology was last night as well, and not tonight as we'd thought. bummer!

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i'm worrying myself with unpleasant thoughts derived from the moment, a combination of being called "old" at new year's, my buddies all going corporate during the last couple of years, my mother referring to me as her "perpetual teenager" yesterday afternoon, and the fact that no-one seemed interested in last night's party...

am i pushing the limits on going out and having fun? i hardly think so. as i've said a million times before - i'm planning on being the aged dude still hopping around all wrinkly and with long grey hair. it's just that right now, it's all gone a bit bleak. much like in israel. not cool.