i don't even. part i.

i'm actually high right now. actually, properly high on life to such a degree that this morning i found myself wondering - on a couple of occasions - if perhaps i'm dying and this last weekend has been a final hallucination in which i imagine what heaven is like.

...

i suddenly recalled the couple of unpleasant things that prove that this all has to be real, and that drew me out from my reality-anxiety reverie in a fit of giggles.

---friday:

firstly, i have to mention an amazing piece of software that's really exciting: it's called firechat, and in a nutshell it allows android / iphone users to create ad-hoc networks when there's no connectivity. the first, most basic use i could think of was to chat with people on the metro; it's an environment with lots of people avoiding all forms of contact, and i think the ability to communicate with people in the same location and situation anonymously could have really interesting potential.

...

i wasn't going to be able to make boxing in the evening, so i went early to work on the bags. i did some good work, but then i became frustrated as my shins got tender and i managed to hurt my ankle (slightly) on a side-kick to the wrong bag (like kicking a wall, that one). at least i finished feeling looser, and while resting on the pull-up bar i realized that after all this time i'm actually able to hold it with my feet flat on the floor - stretch success!

i went to the tattoo parlor opening that pulse had invited me to. it wasn't too difficult to find, i'm not familiar with the area but it was a beautiful evening and on the way the view of the city was stunningly dystopic. i arrived... on time, and pulse was going to be fifteen minutes late. hesitant to enter alone, not knowing anyone and being pretty bad with strangers, i looked in at the window and decided that i was rather under-dressed. this was no regular tattoo parlor! shit, they'd turned the main area into a gallery and the tattoo artist's paintings were on display, there was a table with wine and cocktail-y stuff and my first impression was that it was packed with pretension.

i opened the door and a beautiful woman jumped forward to welcome me, i automatically assumed that i was talking to one of the proprietors and politely introduced myself before attempting to enter the throng. a small room, packed with people, it was a throng. and everyone was standing and talking in such a way that it was practically impossible to squeeze through to see what was further inside, i was even uncomfortable approaching the table with the refreshments.

i sneaked between the lines-of-sight of the snap-happy photographers while i inspected the artwork: the pieces were all fantastic, the artist has a really cool style and some of the work was really gripping. so there was that.

just as i was staring at a particularly intriguing canvas, i felt a tap on my shoulder and whirled around to find pulse standing beside me. what a relief! she introduced me to her friend, and then re-introduced me to gd, the girl who'd greeted me earlier. the curtain was drawn back, the crowd regained a level of reality and we all proceeded to enjoy the evening together.

there was something special about gd and she basically told me what it was* when she eventually caught me alone; she left with us which gave us an opportunity to chat on the way to the metro. it was immediately obvious that we were going to be friends and we swapped details as we agreed to meet up sometime.

* no, not sharing.

i got home to a message from her that ended in a chat in which we discussed the fact that we were both attracted to each other and the fact that aaa and i were a potential thing. she was happy to respect that and still come see me perform on sunday, and everything was cool. very cool. that is to say, our chat excited me in a way that i haven't been excited in a very long time.

---saturday:

i slept better, but that wasn't difficult to achieve. i read an article on sensory deprivation that sounded suspiciously like using technology to achieve the goals of a yoga exercise pulse had been describing the night before, then went to old montreal to join her for yoga.

if one of the aims of yoga is to relax, then i was halfway there just by walking through old montreal on such an incredible, sunny morning! gods, that area is gorgeous.

the yoga class: pulse had been going about how amazing her instructor is, and while at first i was a little skeptical i really warmed to him over the course of the class. some of the things he says are a bit preachy, but considering some of the conversations i overheard from the other members of the class it was probably quite necessary. speaking of which, the class was completely full and we had to play a form of yoga mat tetris in order to squeeze everyone in...

... the class was awesome, extremely challenging, mentally stimulating and shamefully sweaty for someone using pulse's spare mat (of course i cleaned it afterwards, but still).

pulse and i had a great time visiting atwater market, the highlight being my finding a large tub of marmite. hooray! on the metro, pulse made a comment about using the poetry slam as an opportunity to vet aaa. i thought that was pretty amusing.

after a good lunch, i went to a java u to meet aaa for coffee before going to hear the university of montreal's orchestra. i was trying and failing to speedily learn the slam in the hope that it'd be ready for the following evening. yeah. not so much.

the date: coffee was nice. we travelled to the university, which is pretty impressive, and found our seats. i wasn't sure how i'd feel about a classical performance, but here goes: the first piece was composed by a man in the audience, it was interesting. the second piece appeared to be showcasing a very talented dude with a flute, it was pretty cool. then there was an intermission, and then the main piece.

dimitri chostakovitch, symphony no. 11. ho-ly crap. there were parts of it where i felt like i was in class trying desperately not to fall asleep, and parts filled with heady, powerful stuff. i guess i could say it was equal parts thrilling and somniferous. i couldn't believe how long it was, my mind was reeling trying to fathom how everyone, from the conductor to the guys on the bells, were keeping it together. when i described the experience to my mother i told her that it felt like i was watching the soundtrack to a movie, and felt quite validated (and cultured :P) when she read back a review that basically said the same thing!
the experience was also similar to some of the more advanced psy-trance pieces where the dj brings in recurring themes in different contexts. it was mind-numbing, intoxicating stuff. i was left speechless and a little shocked by the time it was over.

now for the other side of the experience. the entire time, i found myself comparing between how i felt spending time with aaa and how i felt spending time with gd. i'd spent mere minutes talking with gd, and there aaa and i were on our third date with no spark apparent and not even an indication of a desire for physical contact. i felt like a real heel, thinking like this and comparing between the two, and i continually wondered if i was unfairly letting gd influence the way the date was going.

the word for the evening was "dispassionate". i wasn't interested in continuing the date and i gallantly waited with aaa for her metro, during which time a very strong nothing happened. i hopped on my metro thinking that that felt like a "no".

marmite, then bed. i had a big day to prepare for.

[continued...]

light stepping - step ii

[...continued]

kickboxing: one beginner (why was he in the advanced class?) and a spanish dude, both of whom are training to fight. the jolly moroccan invented a new set of gruelling exercises and i was most pleased to find myself the only one totally handling everything :)
in spite of my butt. and my back that's still not 100%.

when i got home i sent the jolly moroccan photos of all the foodstuffs i have and an explanation of my routine. he's decided to try vegan but i had to explain to him that just cutting out non-vegan foods is NOT healthy. we'll see how he handles my lazy take on things.

i ate a delicious salad (the medium-firm tofu is still excitingly good in my salads) while finishing antz (ugh. it's not a great film). while preparing dinner i watched katt williams: kattpacalypse and sleepwalk with me. the former is amusing but i really don't appreciate what he's saying to the point where i simply had to stop watching. the latter? i don't know. it's not as funny as i was expecting. it's not really funny at all.

---i woke up in the middle of the night having wrenched my finally-healing back muscles again, and proceeded to spend the rest of it miserably uncomfortable. my butt's still aching, too. this sucks.

...

right. good coffee? check. internet random? check. posting? check. now for lunch, and to get serious for the rest of the day. there's a horse i need to get back on.

---another reason to like the french: they regulate after-hours electronic harassment. i don't know if they're doing it right, but they've definitely got their attitude sorted out!
an article on how we're waking up wrong adds a good argument for it, too.

...

most free-to-play games are done wrong. here's how to do it right!

light stepping - step i

before i begin, it appears that the heartbleed crisis is mostly over. that is, let's hope that no real damage was done and change all our passwords. here's a helpful list from mashable: which services do you need to change your password for?

---wednesday:

i had some passover shopping to do so i went down to westmount where i'd heard things were available. it was perfect, perfect weather and every step and breath was enjoyed to the max! of course, an emotional overlay of karnivool - new day helped a bit :)

it was amazing until the wind came up, and then the rest of the day was just kind of nice with a sprinkling of annoying.

a homeless man in the metro reminded me that i hadn't taken any clif bars with me (i prefer to give those instead of cash), so i stopped at the health store to pick up a box of vanilla almond, then stepped into starbucks for my first coffee and some wired time. as i placed my order, the guy behind the counter asked my name to identify the cup.
"name?"
totalwaste.
"number?"
confused, i squinted suspiciously at him and then registered his grin; he was flirting with me.
"umm..." i began to stammer.
"ah! you're awake!"
"... yeah, that doesn't happen too often," i smiled and then proceeded to the next counter.

i was simultaneously amused, and flattered, and embarrassed - and i'm still laughing about it two days later!

...

i read about the midi fighter twister: 19 year-old me really wants that!

...

godmother had told me where to obtain marmite, but apparently they can't bring it in because regulations have changed. disappointed, i entered the supermarket and perused their passover wares. the experience was sucky, 'cause that's how i find most shopping experiences, and the only thing that seemed "gift-ish" were these tacky boxes of chocolates that i needed a second opinion on and was unable to obtain.

---while i was there i became offended at the stupid things that are imported from israel for passover. kosher-for-passover TEA?! tea doesn't need to be kosher for passover. it's TEA, not bread. one of the finer principles of being jewish is questioning things, and the religious have obviously missed the boat on this point. it's like they're all drinking the kosher-for-passover kool-aid.

---so i skipped across the road to the saq to pick up wine instead. when i'd found what i wanted, i stood between the check-out counters which were all unmanned. i stood there looking foolish for a short while, until the woman at the "info service" desk asked me if i needed help.

"yeah," i said, holding up the bottles, "i'd like to pay for these"
"what do you think i do here?!" she shouted derisively.
"i don't know," i admitted, "the sign says 'info service' and yours doesn't look like the other counters."

...

everything after "i don't know" was said under my breath.

---i got home and read the rest of the shadowrun online short stories, which are a lot of fun. i called up the israeli consulate and was pleasantly surprised by the friendliness and the fact that they're actually open before and after the holidays. then i was tired, so i rested.

i was deliberating between joining pulse for yoga or boxing sparring, then suddenly remembered that i was supposed to go to godmother's for dinner. good thing i remembered! dinner was really nice, after which i was tired again in spite of the coffee.

i watched a few ted episodes on neuroscience (or was it neurology?) and then watched antz in french until i passed out.

---yesterday:

after a good night's rest i woke up incredibly comfortable. i didn't move for a while just so that i could enjoy the sensation as long as possible, and i'm glad i did because apparently i've somehow got myself a pinched nerve in my butt and one side has been hurting with random shooting pains since i got out of bed.

my first task of the day was to take my israeli id to the embassy to get the address updated, only i'd neglected to consider and explore my options before arriving and as i walked into the building i realized that i didn't know what to change it to. feeling silly, i turned right around and went to vasconia, where i'd been informed (by bnw, who has a vested interest in helping her friends out) i'd find good colombian coffee.

it's a great little bakery, the coffee (oma) really is good and i enjoyed a cup while continuing to read wired. that was when i discovered wickr, a messaging service i'm rather impressed by.

...

while doing laundry i occupied myself with random, then messed around with git (or is that gitted around with mess?) in an attempt to look at a project that i have developed cunning plans for...

i did a quick walmart run for creatine and tonic water. my supermarket doesn't do tonic water any more. this is not cool. i suspect that they're beginning to empty their shelves and then i'll have to start shopping a little further from home - at least the weather's going to be better for it...

although it's already sticky warm, and to be honest i'm not so fired up for the sweaty season.

i finally completed the slam, a poem i started writing a couple of days ago out of the frustration caused by my more traditional rhymes not making the cut. i'm decidedly proud of it! i'm considering attaching a low-quality recording because my ironic inflection intentions aren't reflected in the text.

[continued...]

a lazy man's training diet

when i got home last night i sent the jolly moroccan photos of all the foodstuffs i have and an explanation of my routine. he's decided to try vegan but i had to explain to him that just cutting out non-vegan foods is NOT healthy. we'll see how he handles my take on things. in case you're interested i'm posting it here, and because i might want to look back on this list one day in the unforeseeable future.

if you have any comments, criticisms, questions or suggestions, leave a comment :)

• progressive vegessentials as a breakfast shake. this has almost all of the stuff you need for the day. vega also makes one, vega one, but most of us prefer the taste of progressive
• fruit. kiwis are very healthy, and bananas and apples are an easy source of important stuff.
• there’re plenty of tasty breads with all sorts of grains and seeds. avoid breads with sugar (country harvest, for example) and keep in mind that the whole gluten-free thing is utter bullshit.
• hummus. and peanut butter. they're both good for putting on the bread when you want to snack. although if you want to lose weight, choose the hummus and leave the peanut butter alone.
• milled / ground flax seed. flax is VERY important. not a lot - just a spoon a day - but it's very important, especially if you stop eating fish (it's a great omega-3 source). The “milled” or "ground" part is important, our bodies don't digest whole flax seeds.
• commensal's frozen meals. about 20g of protein in the chinese stir-fry and thai delight (the mexican three-bean chilli’s good too), they're vegan and they taste good. they have other options, but they're not as high in protein and they use tofu. you don't want to eat a lot of tofu because you get soya in almost everything and more than five servings a day is bad.
• trail mix - in particular, joe's indulgence mix. there're many different kinds. as long as there are plenty of nuts it's good: all nuts are healthy and will make you burn fat even when you're not moving. even peanuts, which are technically not nuts - go figure.
• vega sport: great-tasting protein shake with all the amino acids (not the same as a breakfast shake!). if you're eating everything else on this list you probably won't need this, but for days when you're really training hard it's a good idea.
• vitamin B12 supplements. SUPER important. if you don't take any your brain will start doing strange things. taking 1000mcg per day sublingually is the quickest, cheapest, easiest way to get it. preferably methylcobalamin, but b12 is b12.
• vega protein bars, or clif builder bars if vega’s aren’t available. an enjoyable way to inject 15-20g of protein on the run.

and then there's the main meal, which should include vegetables and protein. i usually steam greens like bok choy, broccoli, spring onion) and add some color like tomatoes, pickled onions and peppers, and olives, then add tofu or beans. don’t forget, salt is important if you’re not consuming animal products.

and, because i'm a junk-food addict, a fair amount of dark (70%) chocolate, wasabi peas, skittles and kettle chips (it's disturbing how many brands of chips have milk products in them).

primary source: nutritionfacts.org. because science.

heartbleed update

wow, half the internet has been known to be vulnerable for at least a day and i only just heard about it?

what to do about heartbleed. the lastpass service is really helpful, and i think this one might be even more reliable. here's hoping not too many of us get hit...

... xkcd shows a bright side, at least.

double post

ugh. i just re-applied for a job because i was sent an "exciting new job posting" that the hr systems didn't pick up that i'd already applied for. and of course there's nothing stopping me from sending twice, and all the damned postings look similar or the same because they're all looking for the same type of people. and so... now i need to cross-reference every post i apply for with those i've applied for already?

why does job hunting have to be such a drag???

---i'm trying to clear up my workspace by going through all the unimportant things that i've got open and waiting for "the right time"; i have a moment to breathe right now, so i guess this is it.

i don't know why this is on upworthy with a misleading headline, but this selflessness commercial is really, really clever!

here are two interesting points on reducing sugar intake and signs of iron deficiency.

...

on ADHD: i came across the "ADHD is a fictitious disease" image, but it appears it's not accurate.

having said that, the video that the piece linked to is quite disturbing.

...

the shadowrun online short story "harbor heist" is pretty good. i'll check out the rest later.

...

these photos are all amazing.

---i've updated all my phone ringtones and alerts to syndicate sounds. i don't know why i never thought of this before.

quick turns

today was coloured by the phone call that i received in the afternoon informing me that i've been cleared through the first interviews and will be invited back for the rest. that - is - AWESOME news ^_^

so i've got more studying and preparation to do for those, but it's so nice to know that it's working for me!!!

---after posting yesterday, i went to take all my tax documents to vfmp who's going to hand them over to his boyfriend, the tax expert. on my return i waited for a while at the wrong bus stop, and some mentally handicapped dude saw my hesitation and wanted to help, and he was so sweet (he was telling me how he got lost, and how he cried) that it was hard not to take his advice when i was sure that it wasn't good. after missing another bus i *did* cross to the one he was suggesting and it turned out to be the right choice.

after my last experience i decided to skip the french meetup and instead put on puss in boots in french with french subtitles. it appears that animated kid's films are the way to go.

boxing last night was really good, and i was pleased to find that after the last week or two my legs are already back to being tough enough to handle the heavy bags. my ankle's good again and i guess the fact that i've been cautious about using it is why i softened up...

my yoga instructor offered to pass my resume through to her boss, and after i sent it she suggested that considering her company's policies i might want to play down my military experience. i told her that if her employer has a problem with my military experience, i'd have a problem working with them. there's no room for discussion on this.

aota contacted me out of the blue for a chat, which was nice, and i was surprised to hear her speaking well of darn who has apparently begun to shine since megaman left. i'm glad to hear it. a little disappointed to hear that they finally moved into decent offices *after* i left, which they'd been promising to do since before i joined them...

i made an over-sized, delicious salad and watched the rest of puss in boots before lining up a bunch of other films. and then it was late and i crashed.

---today:

i began the day trying to figure out how to sell my books that pg's keeping for me. this isn't easy because facebook won't show my posts if they're not engaged with and the only second-hand website in israel isn't open to use from outside of the country. that's kinda dumb.

i took a pair of pants to the dry cleaner, trying to sneak in some recycling by carrying them on two dry-cleaner hangers covered by dry-cleaner plastic. i was so pleased when the woman there actually put the hangers with a bunch of others :)

i headed out to fcmg's new place to discuss the comics for the first time since before she gave birth two months ago. the metro was experiencing some serious issues and in addition to the crazy congestion that caused, someone in our car was freaking out every time we came to a stop and the lights went out. this happened in between stops, and i had my earphones in so i didn't hear what was said but i noticed that everyone around me was giggling...

rain + metro issues = CRAZY packed.

so fcmg's pad is awesome, her daughter's really cute and she has a couple of very cool cats. the difficulties with working and tending to an infant quickly became apparent, and so everything was stop / start but we got through whatever we needed to get through. i walked out of there uncertain of where we're going but sure that we're going somewhere.

i'd read 18 ugly truths about modern dating that you have to deal with in the morning and i'd been thinking about the mixed messages from aaa that i'd been receiving over the previous couple of days. i became convinced of two things:
1. that she wasn't really interested in me and that it was time to call it.
2. that, like the japanese, i'm done with all this dating shit. it's bullshit, and lots of it.

on that note, i sat down at la panthère verte for their meal of the day, a delicious vegan stew, then returned home to watch pirates of the caribbean dubbed in french (eh, not too bad) for a bit and wonder if my back could handle the evening's training. that was when i got that phone call, so i was super stoked and relieved :)

i was pretty tired, so i downed an energy drink and headed off to the gym. i don't know if it was the drink or something else, but as i walked out i developed a bellyache that wouldn't go away until halfway through the class...

[holy crap, i just saw (finally!) weidman vs silva 2 - it doesn't matter that i knew what was coming, that was absolutely insane to watch.]

... so there's this girl at the gym that i've been friendly with for a while and who just joined our kickboxing class for the first time. we were partnered up and everything was as usual until the final exercise, about ten or fifteen minutes of kick / check drills. i gotta admit, at some point i found that i was concentrating less on kicking and checking and more on checking out because she's quite sexy and between her movements and semi-transparent training outfit my brain's wired to stare. i didn't miss a beat, though, so that's cool. i guess that was actually good for me because i was checking unconsciously :P

...

aaaaaaanyway, after all the negativity surrounding aaa i got home to find she'd called and left me voicemail... so i called her back and we had a good, positive chat for half an hour. so i guess she *is* interested, and i'm just a little girl when it comes to relationships. that's okay, i can deal with that.

well, time for bed, and an exciting couple of days ahead. things seem to be moving in a good direction and if i play my cards right, they may just become awesome! if not, they'll be shit. so i'd better get it together.

---so, québec - the liberals have won the elections. while everyone's jumping for joy, i'm hoping that this means that things will stabilize (apparently they've already stabilized, and it's only been one day) and remain stable for the next four years. because that's just how long i need to become a citizen, assuming i land a job soon. after that, i'll be happy to vote and pray like everyone else :)

nerves are stupid

i went out last night to starbucks, and it's good that it was really just an excuse to walk outside because they'd run out of soya. i was rather disappointed.

i came straight home, tried to get some studying done but decided that my time would be better spent in bed getting a good night's rest. i read somewhere that that's a thing. so i went to sleep super-early.

---i woke up this morning to facebook not letting me in, then making me feel like they were disabling my account because someone that i know rejected a friend request. i've accumulated a fair number of pending friend requests so i've no clue who it could be, but either way i was offended and the "we're grateful that you're part of the facebook community" message after the ordeal felt patronizing and empty.

...

after two weeks of waiting and preparing, i went to the interview. the office tour was impressive, it's a really sweet place to work!

the first interview: i was nervous, and that made me silly. i did do what was required, but a couple of the theoretical questions really threw me and made me feel as stupid as i thought i sounded. i also wasn't sure of myself because i'm not experienced with using threads in java, so while i got it right at the end i didn't exactly exude confidence...

the second interview: i was worried when he began writing a c++ brain-teaser on the board because i'd elected and prepared for java and felt as if mentioning my c experience was shooting myself in the foot. but i *do* know what i'm doing with the c family and i proved myself quickly, which set the tone and i was considerably more relaxed for the rest of the time. i did what needed doing and i think he was pleased, although there was an analysis question that he asked that i knew the answer to but felt uncomfortable about; that wouldn't worry me except that after i'd agreed with him he continued to explain his logic as if i hadn't *got* it, which i had.

anyway, overall it felt good and i'm hoping that they'll invite me back for the rest of the interviews. i'll know in a few days.

...

as i walked out the offices i received an email informing me that my french results certificate was available, so i went to pick it up. i got an opportunity to ask someone about the re-test i've registered for, and was pleased to discover that i was right, that i'll only have to interface with a computer next time. awesome :)

i had a quick lunch and came home, just in time to receive registered mail from tel aviv university with my grades in english. i don't want to know what i'd have had to do had i not been home!

it's definitely spring. no need for sweaters today. i hope, i really hope that there'll be acceptable snow conditions this week!

sprung spring

what a ridiculously magnificent day! i've spent most of it inside, preparing for my exciting job interview tomorrow, but every step i've taken outdoors has been magically spring. i should probably go out for another coffee just for an excuse to be outside again... he writes, sipping from the cup of tea he just made...

---friday:

so i went out on friday night to meet a woman i'd been planning a date with since before i met aaa, already assuming that it'd just be a pleasant evening. the metro was overloaded, apparently due to line issues, and i walked out of the vendôme station into the pouring rain. there was a long line for the bus so i decided to walk instead, which seemed like a mighty good idea when i arrived at sherbrooke to discover that most of the road was missing. which would kinda explain the traffic.

i enjoyed walking in the rain; it wasn't too cold... i was about halfway there when i received an sms from aaa which was pleasantly positive! good timing :P

i walked into honey martin and was met with a heavy bar smell, thick air and drunkenly loud, friendly voices from cozily crowded tables and benches. it was welcome respite from being drenched! my date arrived five minutes later, both of us quite pleased that i'd managed to secure a couple of seats.

it was a really nice evening! if it wasn't for aaa, i would definitely invite her out for a second date. we'd just started on the second round of guinness when she dropped a bomb: "i don't understand the whole dating scene. i only ever go out on first or second dates..."
oh, man. and here i was setting her up for another of those?! what a shitty move! and we'd had (and then continued to have, in spite of my guilty conscience) such a good time connecting on so many different topics, including raising children - this is relevant because she's got a five year-old daughter. oh, i knew that before, in case you were worried. i'm cool with that.

she gave me a ride to the metro station and i said goodbye in the nicest non-committal way i could, grateful that she didn't push me into saying anything final. i walked off wondering if there's a delaying tactic i could use to see if aaa and i work out first? is that totally uncool? it feels uncool. but that's society for you, you're not allowed to like more than one girl at a time... and aaa was pretty clear before we met that she's not interested in open relationships.

...

aaaaaaanyway, there was a terrible, funny moment when the bartender came to our table to take orders, which she hadn't done before. i'd received changed from the first round and given her half, but my coin pouch was in my wet jacket so i kept the remaining coins in my hand or on the table. this girl didn't hesitate, she glanced at the table and just lifted them! i wasn't going to argue with her because that's definitely not alright, but she totally forced a double tip. i was not impressed.

...

it was really, really cold on friday night. maybe it was the moisture, because the temperature wasn't low at all.

---yesterday:

i slept great, though i woke up with my back still uncomfortable. i rewrote my resume according to what one of the recruiters had told me - though i think she's an idiot so the rewrite may be a mistake - and that entailed trawling through my blog to line up dates. which led to me labelling a bunch of unlabelled posts, which is always engrossing.

...

on my way to yoga the woman from h&r called. she's managed to reduce the rate from $300 to $160. ummm.... no. thanks, but no thanks.

...

i had ten or fifteen minutes to warm up before my instructor arrived, so i wrapped up and worked on one of the bags for a while. i wear one of my pairs of '99 mr. price specials for yoga, and didn't think it'd be a problem for kicking (i wore them when i started taekwondo in 2001)... so i wasn't impressed when they split down the front. at least it wasn't so bad, but i hate the fact that my favourite clothes are falling apart. anyway, i went to do pull-ups and was surprised to find myself holding my body almost horizontally and doing them with ease, right until the last two which surprised me by throwing my back out completely.

bad, bad timing. DAMN.

anyway, the yoga wasn't bad and my frustrating back didn't get in the way too much. one of the guys from boxing joined us and was just as impressed with the instructor as i am :)

i tried taking a hot bath when i got home but that did nothing for me. i made pasta (using the medium-firm tofu and runny sweet-and-chilli sauce) and it came out a bit rough, and finally spoke to my toronto cousin who i've been playing telephone tag with for about two weeks now. aaa and i chatted a bit and she's still sending mixed signals. it's a thing, i think.

i spent an hour or so sewing my pants while watching house which has just become available on netflix. nice! i ate a lot of junk food. yesterday and today. i'm not entirely proud of that.

i found a digitized copy of my discrete math book and loaded it onto my kindle, reading it on the metro and in starbucks* just before entering résonance for the mile end poets' festival event for the evening**.

* a woman was describing some dramatic event to her friend so loudly that it felt as if the drama were happening right there. not very nice.

** i've missed all the other events, which is a shame.

i arrived five minutes late, they were just beginning the sound check. after enough time spent waiting for events to begin in montreal, i have reached the conclusion that montreal and israel operate on similar ideas of time and truth about time. it's unprofessional.
anyway, the sound check was actually pleasant to listen to, as opposed to the horrors i'd associated with the place.

first, my criticism regarding the restaurant. it's hipster vegan. i wish that didn't mean anything, but the table i sat down at was filthy and had the previously seated's half-eaten meal on it. i was there for about two hours, and the waiter only cleared that shit about ten minutes before i left. when i ordered a cider during the intermission, i was asked where i was sitting and i pointed my table out. i returned to my seat and resumed reading my kindle; the waiter, when he arrived, softly asked the people at the table next to me if they'd ordered anything. i only registered that something was going on after he'd walked away, so i had to run after him to get my drink. i almost felt bad for asking "would'a been nice if he'd asked everyone, huh?" so loudly, but didn't because the whole hipster-apathetic thing doesn't do it for me and, after a cue from the main poet, i began to suspect that the dude's glasses weren't prescription. just sayin'.

okay, first up: jason. is it this jason? i'm not sure. but the dude is essentially a one-man band playing deep, dark sounds that i would've been even more excited by had they not been so darned LOUD. because they're discordant, in an impressively touching way. reminiscent of godspeed you black emperor.

second: karen fennel. she's funny, and has some extremely clever ideas, but i didn't like her actual performance. at all.

third: ian keteku. holy crap, what i've found on him online doesn't do him any justice. clever, beautiful poetry presented by a guy with a good sense of humour who knows how to flip to dark and serious on a dime. i see why he's famous on the slam circuit.

finally: emma frank and her band. really not my taste in music, though it was obviously great for what it was. at some point i just couldn't take any more, though, so i upped and left. i got home to an email from aaa, and i responded. then i responded again to clarify. then i realized that i'd just sent a mixed signal of my own. i hope she got the right meaning.

---today:

i slept well, woke up slowly, then got up and found my back still hurting. over breakfast i was listening to french radio and i really feel like my listening's improving...

i went out for coffee and shopping, the stunning sunny morning was sweater weather and i really, really wish that i could dress precisely like that all year round! everything felt right with the world ^_^

...

the guy ahead of me at starbucks had forgotten something on the counter and jumped across me to get it. i immediately stepped to the left, right onto the toe of the idiot behind me. why - would - you - stand - so - close - to - me???
oh, she's arabic. that's why. middle-easterners, i'm trying to escape that shit. please let me go.

i don't know if she was trying to be cute by repeatedly complaining after i repeatedly apologized.

...

today's been off and on as far as focus is concerned, i hope i'm going to be ready for tomorrow!

i've been sitting at a table for the past couple of weeks when using my computer and i've decided that that might be why my back's unhappy. so i returned to my standing desk a couple of hours ago and it seems to be helping a little.

oh, and fp called to tell me that this evening wouldn't be good for a quick visit, and asked if i wanted to meet during the week. so i bit the bullet and told her "not really". she's clearly unhappy that i'm not interested in giving her another shot, but as flattered as i am by that i'm looking for something with a bit more spark.

over the phone or in person, that doesn't feel very good.

right, coffee and studying. and then an early night.

---oh, and israelis lighting up in a news studio as a sign of protest. good show, guys. good show!

eggistential - are eggs healthy or not?

arguing over chickens and eggs. my post on egg replacements drew some fire somewhere else and i feel compelled to put it all down here. warning: it's going to be pasted pretty much "as is" (minus capital letters and some spelling corrections).

---x: i don't believe eggs to be unhealthy at all (see for example http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/3499583/), but this is pretty cool

totalwaste: x - you can believe what you want, but there are answers to the question of whether or not eggs are healthy that aren't speculation. take a look at http://nutritionfacts.org/index.php?s=eggs , specifically http://nutritionfacts.org/video/who-says-eggs-arent-healthy-or-safe/ . huffington post is a news source.

the article you've linked to is not written off peer-reviewed research, however the author may be trained. "i guess a lot of it has to do with cholesterol." is an entirely unconvincing start, raises warning flags. i'll stick with hard evidence, thanks.

y: unrelated whether eggs are healthy for the human body, they are very unhealthy for the environment and inefficiently produced, and the more alternatives there are available, the better.

x: i just posted it because it is more approachable, it references several peer reviewed papers if you're interested, and there's more if you like (for example: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10217054) . nutritionfacts.org strikes me as very biased towards a vegan life style. it does rely on research, but it is chosen carefully.

the bottom line is it appears that moderate consumption of eggs (about one per day) has a lot of dietary benefits and is most likely safe for most people. i strongly believe in balance and in avoiding the extremes in these matters, especially as the "facts" are debatable.

totalwaste: okay, let's be clear - you've linked to another paper focused on cholesterol and nothing else. there's a ton of research available which you haven't linked to. you say the "facts" are debatable, and i'm going to say that "facts" are NOT debatable, because otherwise they'd be OPINIONS. this is what science and peer-reviewed science is all about.

selection bias IS debatable, however.

let's say nutritionfacts.org does have a selection bias. considering that you're the one making that claim here - dr. greger is an authority, and i don't know what your medical credentials are - the onus is on you to demonstrate that bias. so how about you pick a single presentation of his, completely up to you, and link me to a peer-reviewed paper that disagrees with what he's saying? and by disagrees, i don't mean the opinions shared in the conclusion like the paper you shared before, because in that case what's being said is "the cholesterol content of a single egg per day isn't too bad" (fact) and then "so eating an egg a day is healthy" (not a fact).

i'll welcome any evidence that there's a selection bias and i'm always happy to learn new things or correct my own misunderstandings, so i look forward to seeing what you find.

also, regarding your attitude towards vegan "extremism": if there is a food that is good for you but has bad stuff too, and another food which has that same goodness without the bad stuff, is it biased to suggest, as a health professional, that we consume the other one? you're not being forced to change your lifestyle, you're being informed which food choices are healthier.

x: allow me to explain: by "facts" i meant peer reviewed research findings. sadly, in many cases such research findings are flawed or give the wrong idea as a result of lack of control for all accountable factors, poor analysis etc. peer review is no guarantee for the full credibility of the findings, though it is probably the best our scientific community has to offer today.

i think demonstrating selection bias is simpler in this case. i've seen several items on the site, but i don't recall ever coming across any evidence that contradicts the author's claims. could it be that such data simply doesn't exist? i don't think so. don't get me wrong, i do believe this site does a relatively good job in relying on facts, and delivering more reliable information to the public than most sources. i'm merely saying (admittedly, without the thorough investigation that i'm not interested in doing) that it shows only one side of the story. perhaps you have seen examples on the site to suggest otherwise. i'd be happy to learn about them, as balanced articles will increase the site's credibility in my eyes.

finally, personally i think avoiding something completely, not only in it's pure form (e.g. milk and cheese) but also as a minor ingredient in other products, is extreme and in many cases when the quantity no longer seems to matter, strikes me as almost religious. i think this also inspires an adverse response towards reducing consumption of plant based products in many people to whom complete avoidance is out of the question, which is unfortunate as it might be wise in light of the accumulating research data, at least as a cautionary step, regardless of how conclusive it is. at the end of the day, everyone can weigh the risks and the benefits and choose his own way, and i'm not trying to tell anyone what to choose. i only hope they choose rationally, based on balanced information, to the extent that such information exists.

zenstar: without wanting to get tied into this debate, while he has some good work there has been criticism about greger.
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Greger
look at the criticism section.

at the end of the day we all assimilate the information we want and make our own decisions. i just suggest everyone gets as many sources as possible.

totalwaste: okay, that's great and all but two things:

1) if you're going to claim selection bias, then demonstrate it. if you have enough energy to make anti-establishment claims but not enough to back them up then you probably shouldn't be making those claims.

i looked at the reference that the wikipedia article cites, and the article is asking important questions and making fine distinctions, that's cool and part of a healthy scientific debate. but he's arguing about the data presentation, not the data itself. if you watch the videos you should pick up pretty quickly that while greger's definitely pushing a vegan agenda, he's not leaving out disclaimers or misrepresenting conclusions. and he tells you when to take the research with a grain of salt. and he doesn't take himself too seriously, so when you see a title like "uprooting the leading causes of death" know that he's being funny, not serious.

2) regarding the "religious" aspect of veganism: in case you've missed all of my early posts on the subject, i was particularly anti-vegan precisely because there's a lot of bullshit that's thrown around and because some vegans are really assholes about it. unfortunately, those zealots are the ones who are most vocal, but the fact is that being vegan doesn't require a religious adherence and avoiding trace elements of things like dairy in chocolate etc are about the movement's attempt to reduce consumption of animal products across the board, not about health.

i, personally, applaud those people and their adherence to their principles but i also accept that not everyone wants to be a part of the movement and that they have the right to choose. this thread began with a discussion about health and technology, not a discussion on politics and agendas and whether or not some vegans are idiots and put other people off. do what you like, eat an egg or two day, i really won't judge you for it. but don't say it's healthy when all evidence points to the contrary. and there's a LOT of evidence. and, as you said, peer-reviewed doesn't mean "perfect" but it's the best we've got to go on.

zenstar: adam... there is also a lot of evidence for the fact that they are good for you. this page has a nice summary with lots of links to the actual papers:
http://authoritynutrition.com/why-are-eggs-good-for-you/
and another page about it also linking to various reports:
http://www.livescience.com/39353-eggs-dont-deserve-bad-reputation.html

i think we can all agree the topic is still under various forms of debate and so making a direct claim either way is basically asking for someone to object... there are good and bad things about them (like almost everything).

x: totalwaste, i do tend to ignore most posts relating to veganism precisely for the reasons you've mentioned, those people you were talking about are exactly what i meant about taking it to the extreme and i'm glad to hear you're not among them and you have a more reasonable approach as to what it means to be vegan (however, i do not know how common such a definition is among vegans).

i think zenstar here summarized pretty well what i wanted to say originally, that is, the evidence is inconclusive (though i may have sounded more decisive than i really am on the subject).

totalwaste: thanks x.

to both of you.:
there's no debate as to whether eggs have benefits, nobody said they didn't. however, cholesterol and heart disease are the only things your articles (and the research they're based on) are talking about as risk and that's not what's so unhealthy about eggs.

http://nutritionfacts.org/video/eggs-and-diabetes/
http://nutritionfacts.org/video/bacon-eggs-and-gestational-diabetes-during-pregnancy-2/
http://nutritionfacts.org/video/total-recall/
http://nutritionfacts.org/video/food-sources-of-pcb-chemical-pollutants/
http://nutritionfacts.org/video/eggs-choline-and-cancer/
http://nutritionfacts.org/video/carcinogenic-retrovirus-found-in-eggs/
http://nutritionfacts.org/video/heterocyclic-amines-in-eggs-cheese-and-creatine/
http://nutritionfacts.org/video/food-poisoning-bacteria-cross-contamination/

and there are much better ways to keep your eyes safe: http://nutritionfacts.org/video/dietary-prevention-of-age-related-macular-degeneration/

and there are real issues with the other side of the debate: http://nutritionfacts.org/2014/03/06/egg-industry-caught-making-false-claims/

just sayin'.

if you're interested, he cites his sources below each video. oh, and i've deliberately not linked to any of the videos about heart-health, there are plenty and they demonstrate how manipulative the egg industry propaganda is.

ce n'est pas correct

what a waste of a day. or at least it feels that way, but hopefully i'm totally wrong...

the first meeting didn't go well because i spoke in english. i need to start speaking in french. like, all the time. towards the end i discovered that they'd been responsible for placing megaman and one of our contractors, and when she mentioned the former's name i got this sinking feeling... not for any particular reason, but there you go.

i came home desperate for the remains of last night's chana sandwich and to rest unencumbered by nice clothing and go through some c++ refresher material. oh, i know all that. nothing's changed. why do i feel uncomfortable, then?

the concern turned out to be for nothing, though, because the recruiter i spoke to was shocked to discover that my work permit is closed and, in what sounds to me like "reverse logic", has informed me that finding permanent work in my position is unlikely. wtf?!
so i left their plush offices feeling a bit depressed. but screw that, whatever. i can't do better than my best.

at least - aside from the breeze - the weather's been really nice today. after i'm done with laundry and clearing my head a bit (by testing the new shadowrun online update, studying and resting a bit) i'm going out on a date with another girl. and hoping that the first girl responds positively to the message i just sent her.

t'was a bright sunny morning...

... and totalwaste had a big day ahead of him. of *course* his back would spasm for no apparent reason.

timing is everything.

doesn't rain but it

yesterday:

i haven't been to a muay thai class in a while... the cardio was tough. i guess it made up for me not working very hard during the drills, i was partnered with a new kid who's literally a kid (young teen) and has zero training. i got a couple of corrections myself when the instructor came around, but most of the time i was teaching. it's hard to work properly when the person you're working with is as clueless about defending as he is about striking, and he's certainly not tough enough for me to strike at even 10%...

anyway, so the cardio was really tough, and then i took the boxing class afterwards. it's been a long time since i did that, and i felt it. it was a good class, i was feeling pretty pumped by the time it was over.

just as i was finishing my final crunches, the dumbass sat down next to me.
"you're wearing white underpants!"
"what?"
i check.
"i can see them underneath your fighting shorts! you're wearing white underpants!"
okaaaaaaaay then.
"why do you wear those pants your wear anyway?"
"because i like them."
"why don't you wear jeans?"
"because i don't like jeans. they're too tight and they don't have good pockets."
"do you have a girlfriend?"
i looked at him.
"do you have a girlfriend?"
"are you asking me if i'm available?"
"you have a girlfriend. no, you have a wife."
i just sat there, figuratively scratching my head.
"she must be beautiful!"
"umm... thanks, dude."
then he got up and left. he'd been talking really loudly, and i got some commiserating looks and laughter.

---there's something magical about drinking ceres granadilla juice after training. usually cold juice is amazing when you're hot, dehydrating and tired, but this stuff is crazy-good normally...

---i was just saying the other day that supermarket tofu won't cut it, but i tried the medium-firm tofu from my local again and was surprised to find it almost as enjoyable as the stuff i get excited about! the only problem is that it's half the amount of protein per gram as the extra-firm. can't win 'em all, i guess. the salad was delicious, i guess i'll just have to add another protein source.

vfmp came over later and demonstrated his selflessness - *man* that dude has patience! he'd printed out an article and after i showed him the demo exam he read it at the same pace, then slower, sentence by sentence breaking it down until i understood what was going on. damn - being at the "conscious incompetent" level sucks.

---thursday:

i got up early and stayed up, which was fortunate because a recruiter surprised me with an early phone call. after arranging to meet and applying for a couple of jobs using what i think are good cover letters i spent some time trying to figure out if i need to register for the reading / writing sections of the french exam or if listening is enough. the immigration websites can be so annoying sometimes...

i went downtown to get my hair cut, thinking about how perfect the timing is because i had a date tonight as well as an interview tomorrow and another on monday and i didn't want to look shaggy and unkempt. i walked into starbucks for my first coffee and for the first time thought to use their loyalty app. which requires registration, and my phone wasn't connecting to the internet so that didn't happen. i found a quiet corner with a plug and worked on my comics for a bit, finishing with the reworking that it needed before going to the barber.

the barber and i were not communicating. he was much better than the guy i usually get, but he thought i wanted a long fringe. when i realized that he wasn't planning on shortening it my whole system went "HELL, no!", i felt like i was sixteen again and confused about how i wanted to look. i got him to shorten it, not quite as short as i would have liked but in retrospect it came out quite well.
i then had to explain to him that no, i don't want my eyebrows trimmed. ugh...

haircuts... what a drag :/

the cleaning lady arrived soon after i got done trimming my beard and showering, we chatted a bit and then i left her to clean in peace. my second attempt with starbucks' loyalty app was successful, and i found myself a decent seat and really focused for what feels like the first time in a week.

java has anonymous classes? and everything is pointers? well, i'll be damned. mind - blown.
oh, and it's got major known unpatched security flaws, too? i've never liked oracle since i worked for 2+ years on their systems, but this kind of treatment is shocking.

phone interview: the company my army-friend works for and referred me to? the head recruiter called and we had a really interesting chat. a couple of highlights:
1. him telling me, after hearing me out, that he doesn't think i'd be happy with the role they have in mind for me, and me managing to convince him that he's wrong.
2. him asking me what my salary expectations are, and me refusing to play that game, holding my ground until he stopped worrying about offending me and gave me a number... which is only marginally less than i was earning previously and definitely enough to keep me comfortable.

i've passed the first round, and i'm going to be invited for a technical interview soon. awesome!

...

i didn't have time to breathe before the phone rang again, another unidentified caller. this time, a recruiting company i'd sent my resume to well over a year ago. well done, guys!
i was mightily embarrassed because the woman started in super-fast french and i missed one word that i suspected was important, so she switched to english for the remainder. confidence down. i've been invited to a technical interview tomorrow afternoon that'll be in languages and paradigms i haven't touched in a few years... good luck to me!

i was tired, and i'd originally planned to nap before going out but the second call threw that plan out the window. so i didn't rest, and i still found myself running a little late for the date...

... but i arrived on time anyway. yay! after a half an hour trying to relax on the metro and failing. i was tired, but still excited by the day's events...

---the walk from the metro station to aux vivres was magical. the weather, the air was beautiful, crisp but not too cold. the clashing smells and the wildly different people and the buildings and the street art and everything - it was a perfect evening, and i enjoyed every step through it :)

dinner was really, really nice; the food was delicious and we talked a lot and laughed a lot and discussed things that are - as far as i know - inappropriate for first dates, but it seemed like we were both having equal amounts of fun and a good time. i walked her to her bus, and was amused when she rushed off in a similar manner to wednesday leaving me off-balance and smiling.

i've decided i really like her. i hope the feeling's mutual!

---it's late, and my brain's been offline for a while, and i have to get up early and prepare myself for a big day that includes dressing nicely.

huh.

how eggciting!

[sorry, had to]

getting real money to fund fake eggs is brilliant! - i suggest watching the blind taste-test when you get to the end.

eggs are the unhealthiest things on the nutrition list, and these guys have found a way to use the not-so-caring system to solve the problem. good show! couple this with advances in fake meat and we might actually see the end of chicken farming in our lifetime ^_^

improved

so... it turns out i was wrong, and yesterday's date *did* get in touch with me! i like that a lot. i would've liked it even more if her message hadn't arrived after i confirmed plans to go out on date with someone else on friday night :P

amusingly enough, fp got in touch with me after a week of silence, as if nothing's changed. huh? okay. fine. well, i figure i'll meet with her on the weekend just to let her know it's not happening...

nostalgia corner: fx fighter's soundtrack. gods, i loved that game so much!

there was an interesting hangout with vint cerf this afternoon. and i finished applying for a couple more jobs. and now it's 4.30 and i need to get food into my fridge and go to training. wtf?! where's the time going in such a hurry?

animal bill of rights

there's a proposal for one? and it needs signatures? sounds like a good idea.

april 1st

there's a man outside with a leafblower going up and down the parking lot and making a lot of noise. i watched him for a few moments, fascinated by the fact that there're no leaves to be seen anywhere. he must be doing a particularly good job.

---it's gotta be the yoga, i woke up yesterday feeling indescribably relaxed and comfortable, and "well"... i didn't want to get out of bed at all. i woke up this morning feeling the same. is this a thing? i really want it to be a thing.

i wanted to do something for april fool's, and settled on posting what i thought was ridiculously obvious: i've decided it's time for another tattoo... i'm thinking on my lower back this time. something tribal, maybe? what do you guys think?
some of the responses were in on the joke and hysterically funny, some of them were just as funny but surprised me with their seriousness - it was such fun! i got a few good laughs out of it, which i'd soon discover that i'd really need...

---the h&r "specialist" i had an appointment with is a russian with bad english. for an hour we talked at cross purposes and struggled over all the tax rules and the documentation that i'd brought. half the time she was trying to explain things to me that didn't need explaining, generating immense confusion. the entire process was tedious to say the least, but eventually we got through it.

now, the way people here have been talking about tax returns i understood that it's something that you have to do, but that by and large the tax that's automatically taken out of each salary payment is usually too much and that if one does things correctly one can expect a bit of cash back. the only disappointment i was expecting was to walk away $120 poorer (the 80 that i was quoted for the filing, and another 40 for reprinting the supporting documentation).

i felt like my chair had been pulled out from under me when she explained that i owe the canadian government $1000. i was shocked, i was unhappy, and it took the woman a while to explain this to me (albeit unsatisfactorily) - i even sent messages to aota and newk'd to verify that what she was saying made any sort of sense. before they could respond, though, the woman hit me with a bigger surprise.

i felt like the ground had opened up beneath me when she explained that in addition to owing the canadian government $1000, i owe québéc $2000. i went from shocked to traumatized, and was horrified when both aota and newk'd told me that this kind of thing is normal. then how the hell has nobody even mentioned this before?!?!

why is godmother, who's lived here for thirty years, also surprised?!

this was all bad enough, but to add insult to injury i was then informed that having h&r fill out my forms for me would actually cost $300.
"i'm so sorry," she informed me, "but it's the system, not me."

beneath the distress, anger bubbled. i will not be robbed on top of being robbed. i explained that they'd quoted me at 80, and that i wouldn't be paying more than 80. she seemed genuinely sorry, and i tried to explain that i was grateful for her services but that i would be taking my custom elsewhere. i took all my documentation and i walked. thinking about how very stupid they are for being dishonest... or at least not forthcoming with their quotes... because the poor woman just struggled through an hour of providing me the best service she could and nobody's going to see a cent for it.

*shakes head*

i kept hoping she'd call me back and yell "april fool" into the phone, tell me that it was all a shitty prank and that i should come back to finish filing and receive my return :(

---i sat in the food court forcing myself to eat and breathe and re-evaluate my position. i cooled down a bit when i realized that this puts me into my worst-case scenario of having to find a job within a month and a half before having to leave. not much consolation, but consolation nonetheless. i had a date scheduled for the afternoon and i would've cancelled otherwise. there's no point going on a date in a distressed state.

so i had my first coffee and reworked a bit of my comic script, then hurried home. i had little time between arriving home and leaving for the date, and most of it was consumed with communicating. the most important call was with my mother, who's offered a backup plan that relieves a solid layer of stress.

---the date? i thought it was really nice and that we had a good time. she was more attractive than in her photos, she's fascinating and she speaks in imperfect english with a really cute british accent (she's french but lived in england); when we said goodbye she sent me a massively mixed signal by gripping my arm in a way that could either mean she didn't want to let go OR that she's pitying me because she did. considering the fact that she hasn't responded to a message i sent her last night i'm guessing it's the latter. which is a bummer.

...

when i wanted to pay and leave there was a sudden influx of customers - one of whom shamelessly cut in front of me, which was weird, and even weirder when she apologized after she'd paid. then i was facing the girl behind the counter with a long line behind me, trying to explain in french that i wanted to pay for our coffees and "delay" a bowl of soup. there was nothing complicated about what i was saying, but she couldn't understand me and after trying twice i said it in english.
so then she got loud. "OH. YOU WANT TO PAY? FOR YOUR COFFEE? THANK YOU! AND YOU WANT TO DELAY A SOUP! THANK YOU!" she shared with the entire building.

i was so embarrassed :$

---rush hour on the metro. ugh.

for the first time in ages i went to jiu-jitsu. i really had trouble with last night's exercises and i was feeling a bit stupid. then there was an exercise where i was sure that my partner was doing it wrong. i tried to explain it to him but he showed me why i was confused, so i apologized for wasting his time and gave him some of my "turn" as compensation. then zahabi called us all in to explain that a few of us were off, and in slow-motion showed us precisely what i'd been trying to explain in the first place.

so there was that...

the dude destroyed me during rolling, i just couldn't get my shit together. i cut early to prepare for kickboxing. i was telling the jolly moroccan about my april fool's prank and my yoga instructor asked me what a "tramp stamp" is. when i told her, she was mortified because... she has one.
*facepalm*
between that and the shark thing, i'm going to need to vet everything i say in front of her before i open my mouth :P

the amount of leg kicks we had to absorb last night was ridiculous. i walked out thinking "the beatings continued and morale improved", went home and spent the next hour or so applying ice packs and watching thérèse. it's weird seeing audrey tautou playing not-amélie right after seeing amélie. i barely understood what was going on. i'm going to need to re-watch it until i do.

---i was supposed to meet with vfmp this morning but he's been unreachable. instead, i applied for a couple of jobs and wrote this. now i'm going to do some studying.

ups and downs

another day is done. i actually got a bit of interview preparation done, and received a healthy dose of reality check from nystire as well as a document that would be awesome if i didn't keep having to look up crypto logic and get stuck in chains of wikipedia lookups in order to get through it. some of those articles are written by people who really don't give a crap if what they're writing is understandable without at least a university course or two...

---i didn't mention that this morning started with my nose and sinuses being all unhappy again; i handled boxing in spite of it but it was frustrating.

appointments made: i have a date tomorrow afternoon, and a telephone interview later in the week for a company that's just opened offices here (it's good to have friends looking for recruiting bonuses!).

enemies made: someone on quora has been opportunistically pushing their crazy sonnet interpretation on a number of threads as authoritative. i've been downvoting and explaining that that's not cool. gods, i really need to get my own work out the door! this is all very frustrating.

gaming: it's a shame that shadowrun online has opened for beta on a monday. seriously! i had to hold off until dinnertime for a proper excuse to play. so far... it's looking really, really nice :)

boxing: i have robo-mojo. the instructor gave us an exercise and told us to do it without speed or power.
"totalwaste! what did i *just* tell you?!"
"no speed, no power. i heard you!"
"oh, i forget. robocop does *everything* full power. whatever."
*shaking his head and mumbling under his breath while hiding a smile* "that fucking guy..."

when we got to impact the guy i was partnered with was hitting me pretty hard, but not in the right places. i explained to him how to strike the liver, and i almost regretted explaining it so well... just then, our kickboxing coach came in (he's recovering from knee surgery) and wanted a go. i was all "oh, shit..." and we were both surprised when he hit me so hard the other guys jumped and i managed to stay standing. hurt, but still standing! he tried another time, with the same result. this year has definitely changed me ^_^

i'm well pleased with myself for finishing strong. it was tougher with my half-assed lungs.

...

it's been a good evening, and it's late now so i'm off to bed. quite sad, though, because frankie knuckles is dead. rip, dude, you made a proper dent in the universe.

errands

the weather is stunning! clear skies, warm sun, only a slight breeze and still cool. if this could be the whole spring, with summer only *just* warm enough to leave sweaters at home i'd be really stoked ^_^
as it is, i've just opened all my windows for the first time since i got back from south africa. very, very nice!

why are there so many *things* that need to be done? i had to remember to dump the recycling, go to the bank, walmart and the pharmacy* and then on to the further supermarket to sort out rent and purchase items the closer supermarket doesn't stock. as good as it was to have an excuse for a good walk in the fresh air, i've got shit i need to focus on!

* though i found out later that the further supermarket stocks dental floss too, so that was unnecessary.

at least i used my time well when stopping for coffee on the way. today's topic is encryption. considering the level of my math i usually find the details distasteful and they're kinda important...

---oh, and while clearing my email this morning, i found neil gaiman on scaring children. brilliant as usual.

and an article on facebook and vr. and one on yoga and relaxation that seems sensible.

the laziness continued

oh, wow. it's sunday night. like, the hours have just been whizzing by since friday - i've been really motivated, but only by all the wrong things!

---friday:

i played about an hour of fallout and invested some time in figuring out what the bank advertisement in the metro was trying to say with its image of a child playing on a console and the single word "tripper" scrawled above his head. that was how i found the québécois / french dictionary entry. useful!

i did some reading while running laundry, then suddenly the afternoon was over and i'd just been half-asleep all day. i went out to meet vfmp and his brother and discovered that the snow had turned to rain. i was not impressed. the metro seemed warmer than it's been in a while, so that was uncomfortable too...

---the guys were laughing at me for my attitude towards violence in games. i can't do better than refer you all to penny arcade and tell you to look at their issues with jack thompson. i think this recent post on the subject sums things up nicely.
the discussion was about child-killing. it bothers me that i can play a game that will let me murder people, innocent or not, as long as they're not children. let's assume that we agree that killing people in general is wrong, and that without me going into a lengthy diatribe we also agree that killing in games is okay if it's context-appropriate and the game is suitably rated for mature audiences. in this case, what kind of message is a game that says "go ahead, kill everyone, but pull the trigger on a kid and nothing's gonna happen" sending? considering the fact that that sort of programming is incongruous with any believable reality, any player attempting to kill a child is certainly going to notice... and he's going to pay attention... and he's going to think about it.
it is my view that the only logical conclusion is that if killing adults isn't censored then it must be okay to do so in real life. you're welcome to argue this with me in the comments below, but do us all a favour and think carefully before you start typing. thanks so much.

---vfmp was being weird about dinner and mustwin was cooking; the two of them started fighting and in addition to making me feel awkward for a while it took me right back to my own experiences with problematic flatmates. gods, i'm so, so glad that i'm living alone. seriously. i can't deal with other people's shit.

at least the unpleasantness came to an end, and we all went to randolph pub ludique to celebrate a friend of theirs' birthday over alcohol and boardgames. it would take more than an hour to get a table, so we went looking for somewhere to sit in the meanwhile and we stumbled into manga-thé next door. what an awesome little tea shop! it's an impressive manga library and they have some games too, though you have to order tea if you want to play. oh, no! good tea!
we played forbidden island*, which is a fantastic game that's as simple to get into as it is entertaining to play. it's also relatively cheap, so i'm now trying to decide between the physical game and the ios app. the latter has a lot of advantages...

... i contemplated buying hunter x hunter translated into french; they have the entire collection and the story's complete! but i haven't read the last five or six books, and at $15 a pop i'm thinking that maybe i should just go and sit there, drink tea and read their copy instead.

* now known to our little group as "get the treasure before you drown with honour"

soon after we finished a game (winning!) we were informed that our table was ready. we were all so excited about playing co-op games (because mustwin is vicious about winning and we wanted the birthday boy to not be on the losing side) i'd been talking up arkham horror. it's a great game, but damn that was a bad call :(
it's way too complicated to play without at least one expert, by the time we were kicked out for closing we'd managed a single round and most of the guys were not impressed. we'd had a fun evening overall, but it would've been even better if we'd picked something else. mega fail, all on me.

we all went back to vfmp's place where the brothers put on street fighter vs tetris. i think we were all too tired for that, i got a ride home and practically fell into bed.

---yesterday:

i played feed-catchup in the morning, the results of which are linked at the end of this post. i chased that by playing some ftl: faster than light. i thought i was in control, but i wasn't. in fact, i've been obsessed by this game the entire weekend and i've devoted hours to it. the thing is, it's not about winning, but learning how to win. and once the soundtrack's stuck in my head...

weird french moment: reading a sign that says "désespoir" and thinking that despair being "from hope" makes sense, because you can't despair if you didn't have hope first. i took the metro to bnw's and when i wasn't napping i was thinking of an interesting twist on p2p protocols that i'm going to explore further this week.

bnw and i went over the comics for a while, and her husband suddenly interjected with a bit of pragmatism that had us arguing heatedly for a while. he had some interesting and valid things to say, i think by the end he understood where i'm coming from; i'm not sure how bnw feels but i do know that i'm not willing to hold the project for any one person who can't or won't put in the hours. i'd love for her to be the primary illustrator, but if she's going to work slowly then i'm going to find other people. i need this thing to happen.

we watched the wind journeys, which is a wonderful film! it's slow, but not boring, the music is the central theme and is very strange and interesting in its own right, the cinematography (or photography or whatever) is astounding.
even so, towards the end i was as sleepy as if i'd been in a lecture during the officer's course, massaging my temples until they hurt in a vain effort to keep my eyes open. to make things worse, i was suffering from rls - my feet were in pain and there wasn't a damn thing i could do about it.

the movie ended just before the last metro - i ran all the way (fortunately, that's not far) and hurried down to the platform only to find that i still had five minutes to go. oh, well.

when i got home, i brushed my teeth and went to bed. it was during the former action that i discovered which tooth cracked a couple of weeks ago. it wasn't the one that was hurting, it was the one that was subjected to the root canal treatment. it's broken in an ugly way and i really don't know if i should be doing something about it now or waiting until i have medical insurance again.

---today:

i got up early and played ftl until it was time for my yoga instruction. this morning's snowstorm was crazy and i was kinda sorry i wouldn't be going snowboarding...

the room we worked in last week was occupied but we were allowed in to the hot yoga room - it's obviously a perfect space for yoga, and we were amused when we realized that even with the doors open and the systems off it was still really warm in there. i recorded most of the lesson (my phone ran out of space after fifty minutes) so that i can do some of the exercises at home during the week and it was a really good class - tough, interesting, and i felt sooooo relaxed afterwards that i walked in to the main area of the gym and turned around and walked right back out because i didn't want anything to tense up and ruin the perfect comfort i was experiencing.

i wasn't as giddily euphoric as last time, but i still felt terrific.

after showering and eating lunch i shamefully got sunk into ftl, i'm not kidding when i describe it as addictive and it only gets more so the better you become.

i was on my way out to the supermarket when i realized that i hadn't closed the door properly when i returned home. ugh! everything seems to be in place, but i'm really embarrassed to have done something so... well, i guess that tells you how relaxed i was after yoga :P

i thought i was going to get serious after i got back but the night's been filled with this, online dating and random shit. it's now late, so i'm going to get into bed and start tomorrow on the right foot.

---linkage!

and just like that, an oft-mocked industry of people finds reprieve. through a teenage font-messiah.

well done, universe, well done.

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rule no. 1: don't be an (_*_).

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jim breuer on heavy metal for children

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a friend of mine has written a post titled "inertia" in which he explains that he's finally on the same page as me regarding consumerism and career motivation :)

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i hope that this crazy shit is what facebook's planning on doing with the rift it just bought

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oh, man - i thought i was gonna skip to the important bits of maysoon zayid's ted talk, but she caught me in the first few seconds. amazing!

super lazy

some days... it's been snowing, but it's too late for me to do a full day at saint sauveur and so i'd rather be productive instead. but then i received my activation key for shadowrun online's beta which is opening on monday, which i'm super-stoked about! opening steam saw me compulsively opening ftl, though. i don't know why but i simply couldn't resist. after a fairly quick game i closed it, but i kinda want to open it again. i really shouldn't, but there you go...

---i printed out a few more pages and then went to the mall to submit my documents for the tax returns. i began by getting lunch: the chef seemed quite incompetent, and freakishly clumsy so i figure he was drunk or something. but the tofu came out perfectly! i stared at it from the beginning of the process to the end, and have arrived at the conclusion that getting the right texture has to do with starting with the right product. so regular supermarket types won't cut it. good to know.

i hunted for the h&r place for a while before giving up and calling their helpline. the website's store locator gives the mall address with a mall store number, and in brackets says "(bay #1607)"; the store number wasn't visible on the mall's map nor was the name of the office. on second inspection, the "store number" is the address of the mall itself so that was silly of me, but the bay reference? that meant that it's in the department store "the bay". oh! oh, i see. totally obvious.</sarcasm>
so i walked through the bay until i eventually found them. hidden in a corner. apparently "office" covers "temporary desks with a couple of dividers set up amongst clothing lines".

the woman there didn't speak english and so advised me to make an appointment with the "specialist" who does. that whole conversation took place in french and wasn't too bad. it's funny, but when she said "tuesday" she was trying to be helpful, but francophones often confuse tuesday and thursday so i had to double check that the date was correct. only, for some reason i couldn't remember the word "mardi"... nice one, brain. nice one.

i sat down at the starbucks to continue my research, and i'm excited to say that i've come across a couple of very exciting pieces of the puzzle. gods, there's so much work to be done! i climbed into it when i got back home, but i'm going to need to de-prioritize or i won't get my interview and french prep done...

music for the day: rev - amusia has been providing the soundtrack for the last day or so and i'm still in love with those beats! couldn't stop bouncing :)

i shopped on my way home, and felt like a total idiot because i get a $10 discount if i go over $75, i hit $72 and there were people behind so i didn't think to stop and rescan a chocolate slab or something to make up the difference. dammit :(

i was totally clumsy when i came home, for five minutes everything i touched landed on the floor and i was so not impressed. maybe whatever the chef had was contagious. i spoke to my mum and finished the mac hall volume, then went to the gym for kickboxing. it was a good class, though i lost the battle of my shins versus my partner's shins. i gave some kid a five minute taekwondo lesson with homework, then got dragged into a debate on nutrition that went on and on and ended with a very brief argument about monsanto and gmo and drugs (not connected). in retrospect i shouldn't have gone down that road.

i put on kevin hart: let me explain while making dinner. that's one unfunny dude! it kinda bothers me when so many people are laughing hysterically at him just being an asshole.

i watched amélie, i think it's only the second time i've seen it in its entirety. what a wonderful film! *that* is a rom-com i can get behind. it's clever, it's fun, it's charming, it's different.

i received a message from a girl i might meet next week and was amused to be notified that fp was using the dating service too. so... i guess that's over, then. i feel kinda odd about neither of us saying anything.

upper morning

okay, so after a good night's sleep i woke up to a couple of messages from pulse apologizing for last night, confessing unprompted that her instructions should have been more precise and explaining that her phone had died. so it was the universe making a fool of me, not her... an easier pill to swallow, and i'm glad to be rid of that "twilight zone" feeling.

i finally previewed eminem's new album on itunes. some of it's pretty good, some shamefully bad. not on my list of must-haves.

i've finished reading this month's wired: the features are all interesting, but the pieces that are particularly exciting are on sailing drones and theranos's blood tests. good stuff!

my next task is to collect proof of everything i've spent on "charity" this past year - probably not that much, i don't think humble bundle purchases really count - and then head off to get this tax monkey off my back. speaking of monkeys, i've been reading mac hall: volume whatever on and off and enjoying it immensely. i'm glad i didn't shell out for the really expensive version. [to be fair, you can read it all for free at machall.com, but i feel the commentary was worth throwing them some cash]

---thought for the day: i realized this morning why i don't like capital letters. for me, they're just regular letters wearing button-shirts and ties. totally not my style, unless i'm trying to get or keep a job through them.

what would jesus do?

it's gonna be weird writing this while i'm feeling so incredibly lonely that i don't actually feeling like sharing with anyone... i'm writing in my journal and exposing it to the world at large. rational behaviour?

---i shaved before i left, which meant a quick shower (i always manage to get little hairs on me, that's one disadvantage of using beard trimmers over blades) during which i wondered about this article on immersion improving cognizance that i read last night: aside from archimedes' discovery, apparently women do their best thinking in the bath. so it kinda makes sense...

it was so cozy on the metro, and i was so relaxed. as if i haven't stopped being relaxed since sunday's yoga lesson, like something really did get aligned properly and an emotional artery unblocked.

it's really cold tonight. absolutely freezing, primarily attributed to a mean wind that's been slapping everyone around since the late afternoon. pulse told me the place was on sherbrooke, google told me rachel. i decided to walk from mont royal station past rachel and on to sherbrooke. first, that's a much longer walk than i'd expected. second, google's definitely wrong. third, i couldn't find it on sherbrooke, either. we were supposed to meet at 8.15pm; i called at 8.20, and then at 8.30 and both times heard it ring until i got through to her answering machine.

how would you feel?
i sent a message with my frozen fingers briefly explaining what i'd been through and ending "... i'm going home. bon appetit!"

i pressed "send" and then realized that that could be construed as majorly passive-aggressive. then i thought about it some more, and figured that it would be appropriate nonetheless. i mean, what the hell? you invite me out to dinner, to a place which apparently isn't so easy to find, without specific directions and without making yourself available?

i feel like i've been made a fool of. whether by pulse or by the universe in general, i don't know. but i'm decidedly upset by this. i feel like shit; for this i skipped boxing? am i the asshole?

i didn't feel like stressing over dinner so i headed to la panthère verte at guy-concordia to sit and somberly eat a falafel. the traditional techina dripping out the bottom of the pita seemed to be mocking me.

i've returned home and i'm feeling sad. i've felt like this before, for sure, but right now i'm feeling it pretty keenly. i have friends and family here but i don't feel like it. i love it here and i've been extremely fortunate and all but i guess tonight's incident has sparked off some latent homesickness, and by home i mean cape town.

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the only positive in all this was the violinist i walked past. there're a lot of homeless about tonight, but this dude was sitting on a corner in the freezing cold playing beautifully, and i tossed him a doubloon for his troubles and was glad to have been there to do so.

---while writing this i was listening to the radio, with a francophone interviewing an anglophone speaking in french with an atrocious accent. gods, i don't ever want to sound like that :S

required reading

what an odd day! and it's not over yet, but my boxing time has been cancelled so i may as well share what's on my mind right now...

1. pulse invited me to dinner with her friend who put my resume forward. she then informed me that "her friend" will be coming too, saying that she didn't want me to be surprised. does that mean that she meant "boyfriend"? i'm not sure how i feel about that, but whatever. it looks like a nice place to eat and it's a good excuse to meet someone who i hope will soon be a co-worker.

2. my yoga instructor noticed that i don't distribute pressure on my feet correctly, and suggested that i try using toe separators. so i went to the pharmacy to buy some, but being an uninterestingly straight male i didn't even know what to look for. the woman who helped me was shocked and amused that my girlfriend or wife would send me out on such an errand, and i didn't feel the need to correct her :P

3. i went to the ups store to print out and photocopy all the documentation i'll need to take to the guys who'll handle my tax returns for me. doing the math, if i don't get back more than $120 none of this will have been worth my while.

4. i was next to starbucks so i sat down with a large coffee to work on my comics. while i was learning that there's a rather lengthy book in middle english that i'm going to need to read from cover to cover before continuing*, something made me look at my phone and register, too late, that my netbook's clock was an hour behind. curses!

* i just realized that there's an important character who'll need to be defined well, even if he'll only appear in two panels of the first issue

so i missed boxing, i don't even have time to go and wail on the bags for a bit before going out. not the end of the world, but still...

... in completely different news, i haven't spoken to fp in more than a day and even then it was a couple of basic sms updates over a span of about three days. i get the feeling that whatever we had or didn't have has petered out...

side notes

bureaucracy and technology don't mix: why healthcare.gov almost failed

america's higher education system is failing?

alright. it's time to acknowledge that we're seeing the beginning of the end of the industrial age.

improvement

i just discovered two very cool things:

1. it's great that i wrote down all my french exam score details, because i just looked through them again and realized that the one thing that i got right is oral expression! i was too stressed out by the other results to register that... it means that i only have to retake the listening exam, the evil computerized one. so while i'm going to keep working on my expression by talking as much as possible, my primary focus can be watching french movies, listening to the radio and continuing to read harry potter. i've had the results for two days now and i've finally just relaxed about them :)

2. i just stumbled across something online that states unequivocally that the guy from my boxing class is right, i won't need to re-apply for a caq... which means that anyone who wants to employ me will only have to wait three weeks instead of two months. excellent!!!

---i wrote something complicated yesterday and got so stuck into debugging it that i didn't notice the hours fly by - suddenly it was 6.30pm and i rushed off to the gym for kickboxing. it's weird that winter conditions are still on but the gym is lit by the evening sun as if it were summer already. i like this!

the class was excellent, i was really careful not to take any damage to my ankle because i was planning on going snowboarding today. right after the class i kicked one of the big bags a couple of times, and i think i clipped something weird (the bag might be damaged) because i got agonizing pain for my troubles... oh, man :(

i headed to p.m. for their glorious general tao tofu, and i got up about an hour later completely stuffed and ready for bed. i'd told vfmp that i'd come over for a bit, but as i approached the exit of his metro station i realized that with waiting for the bus i'd only be able to be there for about fifteen minutes... sod that, in that state i simply turned around and caught the next train home.

i got up at 5am but really wasn't feeling the snowboarding vibe. i wasn't 100% certain of my leg and i must've spent about twenty minutes just contemplating my decision to stay in - on the one hand, i always regret missed opportunities but on the other, if i'm not in the mood i guess i'm not in the mood. besides, if i'd gone i might not have made the aforementioned discoveries so soon :P

while my leg is definitely feeling better, my nose is a bit tender. at first i thought it was from my training partner hitting me in the face with the thai pads every now and again. he's a big guy and rather aggressive, so while i wasn't happy that he took me by surprise the incentive to get out of his way was pretty high and after a couple of swipes landed i actually made an effort to evade.
now i think the tenderness is simply from me still having to blow my nose a lot.

i can't wait for real spring and hay-fever season to begin :/

grinding gears

the rest of sunday was entirely arbitrary, including watching the good wife and going to bed late. that was followed by my decided lack of a jump-start in the morning.

i found the guy i met on friday and got my resume through to him, and he's promised to hand it around to people he knows in the industry. very cool!

i finally completed reviewing that book. i felt mean by the end, and wrote as soothing a cover letter as i could. i felt such a relief at that being over!

i spent an inordinate amount of time completing the application form for the job i'm interviewing for; i have two weeks to prepare, which i think is plenty. i was expected a surprise "come in tomorrow" kind of thing.

i finally headed downtown to get my french results. i stood staring at the list, noting all my achievements... except for one score that was good, it was all close, but not close enough. i have a lot of work to do. so i guess that my next two weeks are now going to be focused on algorithms and programming AND french immersion.

it was a great time to head to the french conversation meetup! the place was packed and there was really only one seat for me. i took it, and tried to strike up a conversation but the two men nearest me weren't actually interested in hearing what i had to say. the one guy is a bit slow and doesn't listen, the other is an old kazakhstani who doesn't come for practice, but rather to learn french. so whoever he corners isn't practicing, but teaching basics. and he's boring. and he keeps interrupting if you try to talk or listen to anyone else. ignoring him doesn't seem to work. he spits a lot. at one stage he actually grabbed my arm while trying to make a point.

i left early, frustrated, and i'm not going back. fortunately i have friends i can converse with. maybe i'll find a stranger who wants to trade english for french like before. gods, it only takes one asshole to ruin your whole day :(

fortunately, boxing last night was excellent and put me in a good mood again!

i tried watching aurore, but in addition to the disc skipping i kept getting lost. maybe i'll try something else.

i couldn't finish dinner, and i suddenly felt exhausted before midnight and went straight to bed. i tried waking up early this morning, but no dice...