how we think about superpowers and how we think about AI are very similar, our evolution has been historically fast but a lot more gradual experientially. look at us having a real time conversation with the hive mind right now, learning any skill we need as soon as we need it, telepathically pressing each others' buttons from around the world, slowly but gradually being assisted more and more by hardware and software that enhances and equalises (prosthetics, drugs)... one of the reasons most of us have a gratitude deficiency is that our baseline expectations have dramatically increased at the same time as our awareness has broadened to include ALL the issues around the world simultaneously, and our power to affect change hasn't caught up fast enough with our rapidly evolving need to be heroes.
Friday, November 30, 2018
crossover cable
managing to get up early to work, mr smear feverish and having to stay home, gd struggling with back pain, taking mr smear to the doctor and being generally quite chipper, dropping him off at home and meeting sailor for a long talk about free markets and decolonization, buying an ethernet cable and usb adaptor, heading to his "office" (shared workspace), being unable to connect to the device and then remembering that device-to-device needs a crossover cable, remembering that i had an old spare router at home, picking it up, fighting with shitty software for a long time before finally getting it right, grabbing coffee and chatting for a while before realizing that it was time to scram, an interesting chat about domestic violence with the uber driver after a seemingly successful dating intervention*, mr smear doing well in ink, a late but easy shower and bedtime, another half episode of castle, watching catch me if you can while destroying bloons, juggling finances, then finally - now, around 12.40am - trying to get some more work done.
* it worked both ways, i told sailor a story and his takeaway was enlightening: the moment a meeting is established as a date, chances are that it's either going to be successful or the end of the relationship. a date is really the wrong way to meet someone because you risk losing a potential friend. the best way to date, in my experience, is to forget about dating and focus on doing stuff that enriches and inspires you personally. you'll have richer, more meaningful experiences and you'll be more likely to form social bonds that will lead to real, healthy relationships.
* it worked both ways, i told sailor a story and his takeaway was enlightening: the moment a meeting is established as a date, chances are that it's either going to be successful or the end of the relationship. a date is really the wrong way to meet someone because you risk losing a potential friend. the best way to date, in my experience, is to forget about dating and focus on doing stuff that enriches and inspires you personally. you'll have richer, more meaningful experiences and you'll be more likely to form social bonds that will lead to real, healthy relationships.
Thursday, November 29, 2018
building on decolonization
Cape Town is suffering from an extreme example of a syndrome that's plaguing the entire world, a syndrome that is caused by infrastructure that is geared towards supporting populations in the mid-20th century and that is woefully inadequate and inappropriate given current demands, let alone near and distant future demands. These infrastructure deficiencies - and inefficiencies - directly contribute to the extreme inequality of opportunity that plagues our nation, and while apartheid policies did have a role in determining which races are more disadvantaged the underlying mechanisms in play today are no different that in any other country where populations living in urban centres have more access to opportunity than those in the periphery. A reduction in relative poverty will also go a long way towards reducing the frightening levels of crime we face.
This is an outline of steps we need to take as a society if we're to uplift communities and move towards a reduction of poverty and general improvement of living conditions for all.
First, it must be noted that most of our economic issues can be attributed to government interference with the free market. All of our governments are plagued with selfishness, greed, ignorance and corruption, what we need is to wean ourselves off technologically as fast as possible. That's obviously easier said than done, but there are some things in the interim that our governments can do to ease burdens on both sides of the equation. The first thing is to let us solve our own problems without fining us, as we've seen in the Western Cape where we've been penalized for reducing our water use and for private solar power installations.
Second, we desperately need to let go of our ideas of “heritage"; if we're going to talk about decolonizing things, we should start with this. We don't need cities that look the way our parents remember them as much as we need cities that service its citizens. We simply do not have the resources available for people to live in houses in the middle of densely populated areas, urban areas must expand vertically and the wealthier citizens who can afford the construction and the commute costs can build their mansions in the peripheries.
Gentrification is not actually a problem, but a lack of affordable housing is. The less high-density construction we allow the less options lower income brackets will have, and we're forcing lower earners out of city centres and into expensive cars and commutes. That's an enormous unofficial tax in addition to everything else.
Any new construction in urban centres should have a minimum legal density, and as much communal gardening space must be provided as is practical, in particular rooftops and around the circumference of each level. Urban farming is an extremely important concept that must be encouraged as much as possible. It's also recommended that every large apartment complex have its own safe play areas for families; we used to play in the streets and know our neighbours, which was important for fostering healthy communities.
Low cost housing in urban centres is as counter-productive as any other kind of affirmative action, instead of equalizing populations it simply repositions inequalities along different axes. You might help a few families with low-cost housing, but at the cost of pushing higher-income families out and it doesn't make the slightest difference to the rest of the low-income families. If you're not making a positive difference for the majority of people, there's a good chance your solution is actually a part of the problem.
Government housing should be as dense as possible, and should be positioned as close to the city as possible. In Cape Town, we are very lucky to have two problems that can be solved together - that of available land close to urban centres, and that of exposed and unprotected train tracks. If we were to construct tunnels over the tracks and build large residential and commercial complexes over and around those tunnels we could not only have a defensible underground* transport network, but we could significantly reduce the load on that network by bringing people closer to their employment opportunities and infrastructure.
Third, we must embrace the remote work revolution. There are many sectors that can and should make a remote work option available, and companies should receive economic incentives to do so. There should also be incentives for companies to make products and services available online. This is not just to reduce traffic, fossil fuel waste and expenses all-round, but will go a long way to levelling the playing field for all income groups.
Finally, we need to completely rethink education. Most of our population lacks resources and facilities to learn and up-skill, and that makes it nigh-impossible to improve their station in life. Poor people don't need charity, they need to be empowered. Even if they could afford the time and money to learn, they wouldn't be empowered by sitting in classrooms learning theory; we need mentorship programs, available in their areas because people with no money or earning potential can't be expected to travel. Companies should be incentivized to send missions, mobile offices, into the poorer areas, to provide on-the-job training in practical skills. We need to subsidize mobile coverage for areas that telecommunications don't find lucrative, with free data available for educational websites and applications.
In conclusion, we, the people, need to effect change and create real solutions to real problems, without waiting on our government bodies to do it for us. We all deserve better, rich or poor, black or white, this is our country - and we're all in this together.
---
* artificially underground, of course.
This is an outline of steps we need to take as a society if we're to uplift communities and move towards a reduction of poverty and general improvement of living conditions for all.
First, it must be noted that most of our economic issues can be attributed to government interference with the free market. All of our governments are plagued with selfishness, greed, ignorance and corruption, what we need is to wean ourselves off technologically as fast as possible. That's obviously easier said than done, but there are some things in the interim that our governments can do to ease burdens on both sides of the equation. The first thing is to let us solve our own problems without fining us, as we've seen in the Western Cape where we've been penalized for reducing our water use and for private solar power installations.
Second, we desperately need to let go of our ideas of “heritage"; if we're going to talk about decolonizing things, we should start with this. We don't need cities that look the way our parents remember them as much as we need cities that service its citizens. We simply do not have the resources available for people to live in houses in the middle of densely populated areas, urban areas must expand vertically and the wealthier citizens who can afford the construction and the commute costs can build their mansions in the peripheries.
Gentrification is not actually a problem, but a lack of affordable housing is. The less high-density construction we allow the less options lower income brackets will have, and we're forcing lower earners out of city centres and into expensive cars and commutes. That's an enormous unofficial tax in addition to everything else.
Any new construction in urban centres should have a minimum legal density, and as much communal gardening space must be provided as is practical, in particular rooftops and around the circumference of each level. Urban farming is an extremely important concept that must be encouraged as much as possible. It's also recommended that every large apartment complex have its own safe play areas for families; we used to play in the streets and know our neighbours, which was important for fostering healthy communities.
Low cost housing in urban centres is as counter-productive as any other kind of affirmative action, instead of equalizing populations it simply repositions inequalities along different axes. You might help a few families with low-cost housing, but at the cost of pushing higher-income families out and it doesn't make the slightest difference to the rest of the low-income families. If you're not making a positive difference for the majority of people, there's a good chance your solution is actually a part of the problem.
Government housing should be as dense as possible, and should be positioned as close to the city as possible. In Cape Town, we are very lucky to have two problems that can be solved together - that of available land close to urban centres, and that of exposed and unprotected train tracks. If we were to construct tunnels over the tracks and build large residential and commercial complexes over and around those tunnels we could not only have a defensible underground* transport network, but we could significantly reduce the load on that network by bringing people closer to their employment opportunities and infrastructure.
Third, we must embrace the remote work revolution. There are many sectors that can and should make a remote work option available, and companies should receive economic incentives to do so. There should also be incentives for companies to make products and services available online. This is not just to reduce traffic, fossil fuel waste and expenses all-round, but will go a long way to levelling the playing field for all income groups.
Finally, we need to completely rethink education. Most of our population lacks resources and facilities to learn and up-skill, and that makes it nigh-impossible to improve their station in life. Poor people don't need charity, they need to be empowered. Even if they could afford the time and money to learn, they wouldn't be empowered by sitting in classrooms learning theory; we need mentorship programs, available in their areas because people with no money or earning potential can't be expected to travel. Companies should be incentivized to send missions, mobile offices, into the poorer areas, to provide on-the-job training in practical skills. We need to subsidize mobile coverage for areas that telecommunications don't find lucrative, with free data available for educational websites and applications.
In conclusion, we, the people, need to effect change and create real solutions to real problems, without waiting on our government bodies to do it for us. We all deserve better, rich or poor, black or white, this is our country - and we're all in this together.
* artificially underground, of course.
Wednesday, November 28, 2018
headaches
headache? or migraine? not sure if sick, or allergic, or exhausted, or stressed, or dehydrated...
i got up super early to take the car to the mechanic, walked home thinking about homeless couriers, took mr smear to school with gd, walked down to my mom's coffee shop where we had chai while the hardware store dude took care of the patent screws, returning home, damaging a door discovering that the "professionals" who'd installed the locks hadn't used the same kinds of mechanisms at all, walking to a locksmith's and setting up my next tattoo session along the way, continuing the morning with hard, frustrating work, picking up mr smear who'd woken up from a nightmare and stayed in the mode - apparently it was about my brother being injured, so i calmed him down a bit by showing him i'd checked and he was fine - trying to get some work done at the coffee shop but the headache started, rushing out (fast, breathless walk) to the mechanic to pick up the car and learn that they'd replaced the light and spent ages on diagnostics but couldn't find anything wrong AND weren't going to charge me, chatting with my mom on the way home, detouring to the mall to do some emergency grocery shopping
godspeed you! black emperor while chilling with mr smear who wasn't feeling well
a little comics campaign progress with the illustrator, sailor not pitching so taking it easy and going to bed early (huh! it's just about midnight and i was ready to crash ages ago, why am i still here?)
i got up super early to take the car to the mechanic, walked home thinking about homeless couriers, took mr smear to school with gd, walked down to my mom's coffee shop where we had chai while the hardware store dude took care of the patent screws, returning home, damaging a door discovering that the "professionals" who'd installed the locks hadn't used the same kinds of mechanisms at all, walking to a locksmith's and setting up my next tattoo session along the way, continuing the morning with hard, frustrating work, picking up mr smear who'd woken up from a nightmare and stayed in the mode - apparently it was about my brother being injured, so i calmed him down a bit by showing him i'd checked and he was fine - trying to get some work done at the coffee shop but the headache started, rushing out (fast, breathless walk) to the mechanic to pick up the car and learn that they'd replaced the light and spent ages on diagnostics but couldn't find anything wrong AND weren't going to charge me, chatting with my mom on the way home, detouring to the mall to do some emergency grocery shopping
godspeed you! black emperor while chilling with mr smear who wasn't feeling well
a little comics campaign progress with the illustrator, sailor not pitching so taking it easy and going to bed early (huh! it's just about midnight and i was ready to crash ages ago, why am i still here?)
argh!!
my work on a blockchain sdk is extremely frustrating, every step forward seems to come with two steps back. it's 1.30am and i have to get to bed, my head's cloudy with exhaustion and i just wanna get this damned thing DONE already...
a pleasant morning with mr smear, and a particularly joyful moment watching him beating levels in ink. driving home in a rush to get to the biokineticist when my car started beeping at me with no warning lights, prompting me to cancel my appointment and book the car in for a checkup in the morning (i need to take it there in less than six hours)
loads of distractions and general tiredness, sending future mr smear an email for the first time since just after he was born, getting some good work done before picking him up, a weird meltdown before getting in the elevator, napping when i felt dizzy (neck nerves?), taking little batman to the gardens and having a great time, convincing him to come down a wobbly ladder in spite of his fear and being super proud, but he chased that with some really pathetic behaviour after a little fall and halfway home i was losing sympathy fast, dinner and a shark documentary, a good shower and really nice bedtime (i told him his origin story), an episode of castle, then working really hard (ie continuing to bash my head against the wall)
a pleasant morning with mr smear, and a particularly joyful moment watching him beating levels in ink. driving home in a rush to get to the biokineticist when my car started beeping at me with no warning lights, prompting me to cancel my appointment and book the car in for a checkup in the morning (i need to take it there in less than six hours)
loads of distractions and general tiredness, sending future mr smear an email for the first time since just after he was born, getting some good work done before picking him up, a weird meltdown before getting in the elevator, napping when i felt dizzy (neck nerves?), taking little batman to the gardens and having a great time, convincing him to come down a wobbly ladder in spite of his fear and being super proud, but he chased that with some really pathetic behaviour after a little fall and halfway home i was losing sympathy fast, dinner and a shark documentary, a good shower and really nice bedtime (i told him his origin story), an episode of castle, then working really hard (ie continuing to bash my head against the wall)
Tuesday, November 27, 2018
moments
that moment at 3am yesterday morning when mr smear woke up yelling at me but before i could get to his room i hear him cry "i wanna c-calm down"... and he did.
sunday morning's coffee with my little cousin who's just got back from a year in israel, being really impressed with his views and offering him to mentor him in a project i want to get off the ground
chilli peppers for breakfast (falafel laffa) reminding me that it's been just over eight years since protoplasm and i travelled india together
the rush to get mr smear to school after a pleasant morning and him hurting himself getting out the car
calling a bike ride early because something's been hurting his abdomen and hoping it's not a hernia
slow struggles with wanchain development
putting out two more podcasts over the weekend, feeling really pleased with what this project is pushing me to do even if it did cost me a fair amount of sleep
a lot of frustration with the "theatrical three's" but also a lot of proud moments, even if i don't recall specifics
Monday, November 26, 2018
trains, planes and psychopaths
there's a stigma attached to mental illness which i find utterly bizarre. in my opinion, if you're feeling relaxed and at peace tied up with hostages riding in the back of a rickety, crowded van driving waaaaay too fast on a winding road through an empty desert that's liable to either flip or explode at any moment while everyone's yelling "slow down!" at the driver who's wearing noise-cancelling headphones and occasionally taking his hand off the wheel to point to signs on the glass behind him saying "KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON" and "BEWARE TERRORISTS", then you're the one who's absolutely nuts.
it's all the depressed and anxious and crazy people who have, consciously or unconsciously, taken stock of the situation and realized that something's not right but they don't quite know what to do about it.
i know most of you - some of you being the people closest to me on this planet - think i'm just full of it, and i get it, i get the desire to just dismiss unpleasantness as ramblings and get back to the day to day. what the hell are any of us going to change, anyway?
but acknowledging that there's an oncoming train really is the only way to get off the tracks. human history is one long story of evolution and revolution. there's hope on the dark side. there's always hope.
it's all the depressed and anxious and crazy people who have, consciously or unconsciously, taken stock of the situation and realized that something's not right but they don't quite know what to do about it.
i know most of you - some of you being the people closest to me on this planet - think i'm just full of it, and i get it, i get the desire to just dismiss unpleasantness as ramblings and get back to the day to day. what the hell are any of us going to change, anyway?
but acknowledging that there's an oncoming train really is the only way to get off the tracks. human history is one long story of evolution and revolution. there's hope on the dark side. there's always hope.
Friday, November 23, 2018
sabbath peace
yesterday:
dropping mr smear off together so i could join my meeting from the car, taking gd home, paying the plumbing supply store a visit, walking to buy paton (spelling?!) screws and working from my mom's, workman who were supposed to be there from 9am arriving at 1.45pm and expecting me to let them in, picking up mr smear and having him shadow me with his little toolkit while i fixed our bedroom door handle, coffee shop work and running into my nieces and rushing to buy stuff and get home
thanksgiving dinner with friends and a wired and tired mr smear who hadn't napped and was really rough, a pleasant evening once he fell asleep on my shoulder, working a bit before gd decided she needed a bedtime story herself (her first time hearing the written harry potter) and passing out myself
today :
waking up around 5.30 to scribble notes about city infrastructure, then working through until around 8am and becoming increasingly vexed with and stressed about my project, dropping mr smear off at school, picking up a gift for the afternoon, hitting the gym with gd, jacuzzi chats, leaving late to pick up mr smear and getting stuck in crazy traffic so he was almost the last kid left
porting my code back from the macbook to my windows laptop where it worked beautifully (!!!), checking it in before driving to a very active superhero birthday party in hout bay, a little too much sun, getting home, getting ready and taking mr smear to the gardens synagogue
an upsetting and insulting encounter with the community security, a bit of an awkward start, chasing naughty kids and then handing them over to my mom and mr smear's friend's mom while i joined his dad for the service, an odd service but overall nice enough, more chasing children but with added naughtiness, walking home through the company's garden in the dark, kiddush and struggling to get mr smear to eat dinner, showering, reading him to bed and being thrilled when he informed me that he needed to pee just as i was about to turn out the light (and he passed out right after he was done), bloons and dinner and early bedtime
Thursday, November 22, 2018
after 2am
finally making good progress after two days of debugging, meeting people at the gym, lots of windy weather, a mid-week birthday party, the class party / performance not really exceeding expectations, some exciting podcast progress
Tuesday, November 20, 2018
kinda regret
midnight carob-covered turkish delight, tastes amazing, not sure how my digestive tract's feeling about it. that was after chocolate shot milk which chased salt water for the rls, but to be fair i think the mosquitoes were bothering me almost as much.
long day, almost missing my meeting, some work progress but struggling with bugs, sitting across the table from sailor's friend who recognized me from dinner last year and convincing the whole table to try the vegan lunch
mr smear and the case of his missing photo, a desperate nap and the struggle to make coffee after the nanny left, or brazilian friends at the super park and mr smear doing aerial obstacles without me
home for a he-man documentary and dinner and shower and bedtime and nodding off
Monday, November 19, 2018
strong weak end
it's just past 1am on a monday morning, i've just uploaded the latest episode of my podcast to soundcloud and am rendering the video for youtube (why the hell does imovie take so damned long?!)
friday 16th:
friday night at the temple mr smear wasn't the least bit interested in being inside - he was thoroughly enjoying himself running me around and playing with the rabbi's kids, and the four of us were having such fun it was ridiculous. he passed out on the way home, my mom coached us on walking him to the toilet in his sleep - the first time was weird but fine, the second time was hysterical because he was so deeply asleep he just flopped face down onto the floor and then dangled precariously off his little toilet
saturday 17th:
gd took a meditation course this weekend, which she found immensely helpful. while she was there on saturday i took mr smear to the mall to buy birthday presents and return crap microphones. i can't walk into a book store and not buy something for us, and mr smear and i started reading the graphic novel adaptation of the hobbit over a coffee and babyccino and we are IN to this stuff!
he was also quite satisfied with me being forced to exchange rather than get refunded for the microphones and picking up a captain america shield keyring. which became a learning opportunity because he loves it, but was sad about not getting a hulk action figure.
taking him home for some quiet time and lunch (and finally finishing the long earth - which is amazing until the last chapter, which was anticlimactic), then picking up gd and returning home with a sleeping mr smear, taking advantage of his downtime and resting before the rabbi, his wife and their daughter arrived for tea. translating one of rabbi nachman's texts was an interesting experience, and the kids (including gd) had a great time.
passing out getting mr smear to bed, waking up just before midnight,
sunday 18th:
and being unable to get back to sleep (rls), destroying bloons until 3am
struggling to get up and take gd to her class, driving to the other side of cape town for a birthday party, which was nice, relaxed and mr smear's allergy was taken into consideration for which i was very grateful. an amusing moment learning that the birthday girl had exclaimed "mr smear will love it" when they disneyfied her nails
rushing to leave to get all the way to gd on time - discovering i'd forgotten to strap mr smear in *just* before hitting the highway and having to find a spot to pull over - getting all the way there and receiving a message to say she'd managed to get herself home. returning home for a few minutes, then heading to mouille point for brunch at mary-ann's emporium with my mom. the food wasn't as amazing as i was led to expect, but it was definitely good and the experience was excellent.
*sigh* being fined for not having updated the car license :(
trying and failing to nap, then going to a park in heavy winds for our friends' kid's birthday party. for a couple of reasons we were the only people to show up, one of them being the wind, the other being the lack of warning, but the birthday boy's adopted grandparents offered to host us when things got too hectic and we not only had a nice time but our hostess turned out to be an editor and connected me with someone who might be able to assist with my sonnet project!
bringing the party back to our place, a freaky experience fleeing our apartment because our neighbour allegedly spilled turpentine and we thought there was a gas leak (i kinda suspect he's running a meth lab), a really fun evening that went on till late, eventually giving them a ride home and coming back to write and record the new podcast episode and get some paid work done.
friday 16th:
friday night at the temple mr smear wasn't the least bit interested in being inside - he was thoroughly enjoying himself running me around and playing with the rabbi's kids, and the four of us were having such fun it was ridiculous. he passed out on the way home, my mom coached us on walking him to the toilet in his sleep - the first time was weird but fine, the second time was hysterical because he was so deeply asleep he just flopped face down onto the floor and then dangled precariously off his little toilet
saturday 17th:
gd took a meditation course this weekend, which she found immensely helpful. while she was there on saturday i took mr smear to the mall to buy birthday presents and return crap microphones. i can't walk into a book store and not buy something for us, and mr smear and i started reading the graphic novel adaptation of the hobbit over a coffee and babyccino and we are IN to this stuff!
he was also quite satisfied with me being forced to exchange rather than get refunded for the microphones and picking up a captain america shield keyring. which became a learning opportunity because he loves it, but was sad about not getting a hulk action figure.
taking him home for some quiet time and lunch (and finally finishing the long earth - which is amazing until the last chapter, which was anticlimactic), then picking up gd and returning home with a sleeping mr smear, taking advantage of his downtime and resting before the rabbi, his wife and their daughter arrived for tea. translating one of rabbi nachman's texts was an interesting experience, and the kids (including gd) had a great time.
passing out getting mr smear to bed, waking up just before midnight,
sunday 18th:
and being unable to get back to sleep (rls), destroying bloons until 3am
struggling to get up and take gd to her class, driving to the other side of cape town for a birthday party, which was nice, relaxed and mr smear's allergy was taken into consideration for which i was very grateful. an amusing moment learning that the birthday girl had exclaimed "mr smear will love it" when they disneyfied her nails
rushing to leave to get all the way to gd on time - discovering i'd forgotten to strap mr smear in *just* before hitting the highway and having to find a spot to pull over - getting all the way there and receiving a message to say she'd managed to get herself home. returning home for a few minutes, then heading to mouille point for brunch at mary-ann's emporium with my mom. the food wasn't as amazing as i was led to expect, but it was definitely good and the experience was excellent.
*sigh* being fined for not having updated the car license :(
trying and failing to nap, then going to a park in heavy winds for our friends' kid's birthday party. for a couple of reasons we were the only people to show up, one of them being the wind, the other being the lack of warning, but the birthday boy's adopted grandparents offered to host us when things got too hectic and we not only had a nice time but our hostess turned out to be an editor and connected me with someone who might be able to assist with my sonnet project!
bringing the party back to our place, a freaky experience fleeing our apartment because our neighbour allegedly spilled turpentine and we thought there was a gas leak (i kinda suspect he's running a meth lab), a really fun evening that went on till late, eventually giving them a ride home and coming back to write and record the new podcast episode and get some paid work done.
Friday, November 16, 2018
quickly, it's the weekend!
this morning i heard a noise in the toilet and went to investigate - i found mr smear wiping the potty clean after peeing and emptying it into the toilet. i don't even know where to put all this weird pride. when i brought him home from school in the afternoon, he wanted to jump off a four foot high wall but didn't want to let go off my hands - until i explained to him that being brave means being strong even when you're scared, and he freaking DID IT.
on the other hand, he did suddenly throw an inexplicable tantrum when we got into the elevator. he's only three.
speaking of which! i republished my first recording - the background to reading the sonnets - as a podcast today and i'm REALLY excited by how it came out. please give it a listen!
---
it's been a rough week and i've had a really tough time getting any work done; both with the amount of functional hours i've had and with wrapping my head around what it is i'm supposed to be doing. i've had some breakthroughs today and that's a great way to hit the weekend :)
sailor came over last night, we had to sit in the garden for a while because we wouldn't let him bring dairy product into the apartment, and then we discovered that the security camera we've taken months to sit down and work with didn't come with a power supply or network cable in the packaging. wtf.
---
gd and i had a couple of trying incidents over the last couple of day and we were in the thick of it yesterday when i had a revelation: not giving a f*** is possible in a positive way. i've been saying for a while that people need to welcome diversity, but celebrate unity, and that's as true between a husband and wife as it is on a national level. the moment we had that idea in words, we simply stopped letting about our fundamental disagreement rule our relationship. long may this last.
---
my tattoo is officially past the three week mark, which is a huge relief even though it's another week to go before i can swim. and another three weeks to go before i do this again - what have i gotten myself into?! (O_o)
---
right, weekend.
on the other hand, he did suddenly throw an inexplicable tantrum when we got into the elevator. he's only three.
speaking of which! i republished my first recording - the background to reading the sonnets - as a podcast today and i'm REALLY excited by how it came out. please give it a listen!
---
it's been a rough week and i've had a really tough time getting any work done; both with the amount of functional hours i've had and with wrapping my head around what it is i'm supposed to be doing. i've had some breakthroughs today and that's a great way to hit the weekend :)
sailor came over last night, we had to sit in the garden for a while because we wouldn't let him bring dairy product into the apartment, and then we discovered that the security camera we've taken months to sit down and work with didn't come with a power supply or network cable in the packaging. wtf.
---
gd and i had a couple of trying incidents over the last couple of day and we were in the thick of it yesterday when i had a revelation: not giving a f*** is possible in a positive way. i've been saying for a while that people need to welcome diversity, but celebrate unity, and that's as true between a husband and wife as it is on a national level. the moment we had that idea in words, we simply stopped letting about our fundamental disagreement rule our relationship. long may this last.
---
my tattoo is officially past the three week mark, which is a huge relief even though it's another week to go before i can swim. and another three weeks to go before i do this again - what have i gotten myself into?! (O_o)
---
right, weekend.
Tuesday, November 13, 2018
not quite journaling
i feel the need to share my frustrations with gd's neurosurgeon, who never invoiced us (the emails magically went missing) and then set debt collectors on us with the wrong contact information. now he's accusing us of fraud, i'm ready for an entirely unnecessary legal fight and gd's freaking out because she's worried he'll interfere with her getting the medical attention she needs.
while i'm here...
i've been having a really hard time the last few days with a lack of energy, and i haven't gotten nearly as much work done as i should have. that hasn't been helped by really stupid obstacles to using source control (using sourcetree to connect to github on a mac is tricky).
today's tuesday 13th, mr smear wet his bed this morning for the first time since he began sleeping in undies and i'm pretty sure it's only because he wouldn't pee before going to sleep - otherwise he's been amazing the last few days, the potty training is finally done and his attitude and mood have greatly improved across the board.
on sunday i created my first audio podcast, which i'm really proud of, and i'm beginning to script the remakes of my campaign videos in the new format because it's so much easier to consume!
the weekend was mostly a long playdate with our friends who even joined us at the temple on friday night.
last week ended with finally beginning to make progress on the frontend project (for work) and selling the damned couch, so that was great. i think that not keeping track of the details has been healthy, if i've forgotten anything important, then **** it.
...
politics - more disappointment at the current activity in israel :(
while i'm here...
i've been having a really hard time the last few days with a lack of energy, and i haven't gotten nearly as much work done as i should have. that hasn't been helped by really stupid obstacles to using source control (using sourcetree to connect to github on a mac is tricky).
today's tuesday 13th, mr smear wet his bed this morning for the first time since he began sleeping in undies and i'm pretty sure it's only because he wouldn't pee before going to sleep - otherwise he's been amazing the last few days, the potty training is finally done and his attitude and mood have greatly improved across the board.
on sunday i created my first audio podcast, which i'm really proud of, and i'm beginning to script the remakes of my campaign videos in the new format because it's so much easier to consume!
the weekend was mostly a long playdate with our friends who even joined us at the temple on friday night.
last week ended with finally beginning to make progress on the frontend project (for work) and selling the damned couch, so that was great. i think that not keeping track of the details has been healthy, if i've forgotten anything important, then **** it.
...
politics - more disappointment at the current activity in israel :(
Friday, November 09, 2018
boxing on a tightrope
i've just unfriended someone for racist comments, i find it ridiculous that from an entire history of humans being shitty to each other the takeaway by minorities who have suffered from it is "well, it's okay when WE do it". there's no shame in examining and even laughing at differences between races, sexes, and anything else, and no shame in enjoying the good ones. but there shouldn't be any "punching down" or "punching up" going on, not either direction. it doesn't take us forward. it shouldn't make us feel good about ourselves.
we should welcome diversity, we should acknowledge and accept what makes us different... but we should celebrate what unites us, we should look for our common causes. i don't care how unfair the world has been to you, if your response is to perpetuate the sickness rather than heal the wound you're not welcome in my feed, and not welcome in my physical space either.
Tuesday, November 06, 2018
the naughty corner
there's a level of awfulness i wasn't expecting to feel today, a day that started off around 3am with gd accidentally spilling fruit juice from her bedside table and then continued with a 6am wakeup by smear and his whining about which shirt he wanted to wear... he was uncooperative when i became time to leave and made me carry him to the car, then spent the entire drive to school yelling at me that he wanted his sandals on (which he'd refused to put on at the door) and to stop singing (i really hate that), and then launched into his now-usual whine of "i don't want to play with my friends". so i told him he didn't have to play with them, that if he continued to behave this way he wouldn't have any friends, and that he could spend his day by himself in the corner if he wanted to.
when i said goodbye, he was literally sitting on the floor in the corner feeling sorry for himself. i'm not sure if i did the right thing or not, but it really, really feels shitty.
--- wednesday 31st october:
starting the day well, and slowly, lice drama when dropping mr smear off, driving gd to her not-hypnotherapy session and unproductively spending the hour fiddling with ssl certificates
sudden exhaustion striking on the ride home in spite of plenty of coffee, crashing for an hour, waking up feeling ill and learning that gd had been giving me decaf coffee all day without telling me we'd run out of the real thing
shopping (for coffee) on the way to picking up mr smear, finding him having an allergic reaction to something (minor, just a bit of a rash), dropping the two of them at home and heading to the coffee shop to figure out how redux works, chatting with the tattoo artist along the way (he's happy, which made me happy, although i'm beginning to be bothered by the shadow of the quill)
coming home to dinner and playing toy story 3 on the ps3, playing with mr smear for a good while and getting motion sickness (he was fine, if course), gd suddenly breaking out in a rash herself and having to rush her to the hospital, mr smear and i being forced to wait outside and entertain ourselves (fortunately he enjoyed my reading to him and playing hide and seek with a security guard)
getting home late, putting him to bed and crashing for an hour or two, then getting up with rls to care for my tattoo and create a campaign subreddit
thursday 1st november:
setting my computer to install a vm with elementaryos and going back to bed just before 1am with a sensitive neck, waking up restless with the rudimentals - soundboy killa in my head for an hour or two and then sleeping until just before 7am
[scribbling notes three days later, missing a lot and being confused by some of my phone's mis-captured words]
a good work meeting but a frustrating day at work, working out of the gym and the frontend code demoralising me, leaving the gym just after 4pm and traffic being so bad it took half an hour just to get out of the parking lot...
sailor visiting to work, too much talking but getting a little bit of sonnet comix strategizing going
friday 2nd:
a full morning of sonnet comix planning with sailor, intending to work in the afternoon but after picking up mr smear having to do a bunch of things (including shopping and take care of mr smear while gd got a haircut), then all going to the temple together
mr smear making us so proud, standing on the bimah for quite a few songs facing a packed congregation and singing at the top of his voice, then having a great time with the rabbi's kid and a bunch of other children
my mom joining us for dinner, watching daniel sloss' brilliant netflix special "dark"
saturday 3rd:
a full morning at the mall, promising mr smear a pirate ship cruise for my birthday, a really fun busking pair (and awkwardly but enthusiastically participating with a funny dance), nap time, joining hyperviper and his wife and buddies for drinks at rick's, falling asleep while waiting for sailor who never pitched
sunday 4th:
a pancake playdate for breakfast, gd helping me with a campaign video before we headed out to my sister's for a lovely afternoon braai and finally meeting my great-nephew (awesome little guy), shopping and gummi bears and a pleasant bedtime, crashing for a bit, working for half an hour,
monday 5th:
writing these notes for half an hour then returning to work (study) until 1.45am
a pretty decent sleep, a bit of difficulty waking up, mr smear waking up in good spirits but being really shitty when we arrived at school, being rude and not wanting to go to his classroom, then eventually (after i carried him over my shoulder from the playground) giving up once his teacher got hold of him
stressed for my meeting, but sharing my frustrations and receiving support, a little bit of sloss' dark with gd before heading to the gym for a miserable couple of hours (both the work and my sinuses), a really nice moment picking up mr smear who jumped into my arms, then a sad one as we arrived home and he got sulky...
a really good (virtual) meeting at the coffee shop, working while listening to joe rogan stand-up, coming home to dinner and half playing with mr smear and half working on my next tattoos, with gd giving me a hand
showertime ending in tears, followed by a surprising and sad conversation with mr smear who told us he didn't have a home - apparently he was satisfied with our response, but only time will tell...
bloons, downtime, pirates of the caribbean, mindless time, bedtime
when i said goodbye, he was literally sitting on the floor in the corner feeling sorry for himself. i'm not sure if i did the right thing or not, but it really, really feels shitty.
starting the day well, and slowly, lice drama when dropping mr smear off, driving gd to her not-hypnotherapy session and unproductively spending the hour fiddling with ssl certificates
sudden exhaustion striking on the ride home in spite of plenty of coffee, crashing for an hour, waking up feeling ill and learning that gd had been giving me decaf coffee all day without telling me we'd run out of the real thing
shopping (for coffee) on the way to picking up mr smear, finding him having an allergic reaction to something (minor, just a bit of a rash), dropping the two of them at home and heading to the coffee shop to figure out how redux works, chatting with the tattoo artist along the way (he's happy, which made me happy, although i'm beginning to be bothered by the shadow of the quill)
coming home to dinner and playing toy story 3 on the ps3, playing with mr smear for a good while and getting motion sickness (he was fine, if course), gd suddenly breaking out in a rash herself and having to rush her to the hospital, mr smear and i being forced to wait outside and entertain ourselves (fortunately he enjoyed my reading to him and playing hide and seek with a security guard)
getting home late, putting him to bed and crashing for an hour or two, then getting up with rls to care for my tattoo and create a campaign subreddit
thursday 1st november:
setting my computer to install a vm with elementaryos and going back to bed just before 1am with a sensitive neck, waking up restless with the rudimentals - soundboy killa in my head for an hour or two and then sleeping until just before 7am
[scribbling notes three days later, missing a lot and being confused by some of my phone's mis-captured words]
a good work meeting but a frustrating day at work, working out of the gym and the frontend code demoralising me, leaving the gym just after 4pm and traffic being so bad it took half an hour just to get out of the parking lot...
sailor visiting to work, too much talking but getting a little bit of sonnet comix strategizing going
friday 2nd:
a full morning of sonnet comix planning with sailor, intending to work in the afternoon but after picking up mr smear having to do a bunch of things (including shopping and take care of mr smear while gd got a haircut), then all going to the temple together
mr smear making us so proud, standing on the bimah for quite a few songs facing a packed congregation and singing at the top of his voice, then having a great time with the rabbi's kid and a bunch of other children
my mom joining us for dinner, watching daniel sloss' brilliant netflix special "dark"
saturday 3rd:
a full morning at the mall, promising mr smear a pirate ship cruise for my birthday, a really fun busking pair (and awkwardly but enthusiastically participating with a funny dance), nap time, joining hyperviper and his wife and buddies for drinks at rick's, falling asleep while waiting for sailor who never pitched
sunday 4th:
a pancake playdate for breakfast, gd helping me with a campaign video before we headed out to my sister's for a lovely afternoon braai and finally meeting my great-nephew (awesome little guy), shopping and gummi bears and a pleasant bedtime, crashing for a bit, working for half an hour,
monday 5th:
writing these notes for half an hour then returning to work (study) until 1.45am
a pretty decent sleep, a bit of difficulty waking up, mr smear waking up in good spirits but being really shitty when we arrived at school, being rude and not wanting to go to his classroom, then eventually (after i carried him over my shoulder from the playground) giving up once his teacher got hold of him
stressed for my meeting, but sharing my frustrations and receiving support, a little bit of sloss' dark with gd before heading to the gym for a miserable couple of hours (both the work and my sinuses), a really nice moment picking up mr smear who jumped into my arms, then a sad one as we arrived home and he got sulky...
a really good (virtual) meeting at the coffee shop, working while listening to joe rogan stand-up, coming home to dinner and half playing with mr smear and half working on my next tattoos, with gd giving me a hand
showertime ending in tears, followed by a surprising and sad conversation with mr smear who told us he didn't have a home - apparently he was satisfied with our response, but only time will tell...
bloons, downtime, pirates of the caribbean, mindless time, bedtime
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