Wednesday, April 26, 2017

tax return deadline approaching

... and i really don't feel like it. nor much else. i just want to get my job done and play with my kid and rest. that's how men do it in the movies, right?

sunday 9th:

up early, trying to watch stuart little: no. just... no.

weather fail: from chilly to midsummer in two minutes
blue train, the next generation
may mr smear always be the first on the dance floor - tearing it up for half an hour while everyone fawned
the pain of seeing kids in forward facing harnesses
my kid wearing an accidental glitter hitler mustache

a nap, being woken from beautiful slumber and taking a while to shake it off, eventually deciding not to go shopping
mr smear's spontaneous eruption in contemporary dance moves with hints of breakdancing - and of course not recording any of the good stuff
the long bedtime song / practicing all his words / cold water mistake / another night coughing

the help: incredible movie

monday 10th:

good sleep full of dreams, but still not enough by a long shot. a big shopping mission on the worst possible day, compounded by being forced to use the point centre's shitty elevators numerous times, finding guinness!, mr smear falling asleep and giving me a chance to grind in ffix before crashing for a proper nap

mom coming over and joining me for last minute gift shopping, getting dressed (my nice pants don't fit properly anymore) and fully packed and arriving at dinner have forgotten the dessert (second time we've done that!)

chasing mr smear, but otherwise enjoying a lovely evening and managing a pretty good seder - although i forgot to hide the afikoman and we needed modernized hagadot - mr smear *almost* falling asleep but eventually keeping his eyes and mouth open until we entered our parking lot

tuesday 11th:

a full night's sleep, though still exhausted upon waking; getting through the morning (peanut butter matzah camouflage breakfast, the upstairs neighbour's dirty water on our balcony), almost late for the chiropractor, a mission to the piazza and mr smear's fountain joy, picking up great salads on the way home and a big lunch. mr smear falling asleep while we planned a trip to kirstenbosch, getting a little rest and then getting ready for second night.

hospital bills by snapscan: THIS is the future

leaving more organized, a really nice seder with great food and mr smear providing plenty of entertainment; his first time walking down stairs by himself (i had to catch one misstep halfway, but that was it), and getting biggles' kids to open up with a conversation about gaming

wednesday 12th:

13 reasons why until 1.30am

another pretty decent night's sleep, although there was a trying period where mr smear was crying out in his sleep, making us repeatedly jump to the rescue only to find him calm again

up at 8am to go downstairs to pick up milk for my mom and realize that in the span of a few days i've gone from detesting the managers at our supermarket to pitying them

opening sabuda's peter pan with mr smear for the first time and both of us being blown away by its sheer craftiness; paying hospital bills with snapscan and purchasing origin's complete command and conquer combo

mr smear's nap followed by 13 reasons why instead of working

when "i love you" needs a safe space (no "more") and an angry sunset; a fix before returning home, a big dinner (mr smear's throwing arm is improving), showering, taking a painful punch to the eye (his punches are improving, too), a quick goodnight and some more 13 reasons why

mom's fantastic news! (a long time coming)

working on security

thursday 13th:

getting to bed around 1am

big pancake breakfast with an enthusiastic mr smear

reintroducing the chewbacca mask
mr smear pointing at his diaper and yelling "tar!" (star), we laughed and told him "diaper" until we realized there actually was a tiny star on it

no nap, but good music
great almond chai latte after a lovely afternoon playdating in the park with the grannies, a little bit chilly and a bit of rain
unlocking somebody else's golf: my key unlocked it, set off the alarm, and wouldn't lock it again. the owner was nowhere in sight. awkward.

keeping mr smear from falling asleep before we could feed / antihistamine him, then struggling to get him to bed, giving up for a while then trying again

the trigger warning in 13 reasons why comes way after i'd been triggered by a bunch of things in the series: it's an amazing series, brilliantly written. irresponsible, according to a lot of angry people, but i'm not so sure.

trying a little rest before work, soap under the sheets to protect against rls

friday 14th:

unable to get up, but the odd sensation that the rls soap was actually working

another big pancake breakfast, trying to work and losing twenty minutes to a stressful hunt for something that gd didn't lose

the furniture store closed, hitting checkers for a big grocery shopping, running into other school parents, the awkward discomfort of eating bread in public on pesach

hido and wife arriving for coffee and staying for a great afternoon catch-up, the sudden wind chill when saying goodbye, prepping for dinner and almost making it on time

a lovely, loud friday night dinner with my sister and her sister and our sister-in-law, mr smear very busy attention-seeking and thoroughly basking in what he received, my cousin saying a lot of inconsiderate things that i believe he thought were funny

a quick goodnight, 13reasons why

saturday 15th:

into the night, a coughing episode
work frustration: should've started node dev with swagger or similar; getting to bed around 3.30am

second night of the rls soap experiment, stuffy nose, waking up to 13 reasons why and weeping uncontrollably at the clay revelation; managing to stop watching in the middle of powerful drama to keep the season finale for the night

mr smear progressing from the tune of "twinkle, twinkle" to what sounded like fragments of the words, reading gennady spirin's beautifully illustrated version of little red riding hood, verifying against the original and learning that i don't like *any* of the versions because i believe the story should end with her being eaten

gd banging her knee with a door as my mom arrived to relieve us

rockpool with the gang, hido and sagirl and dirk diggler and another couple of friends i've barely seen since the beginning of the millennium, a great afternoon with popcorn mojitos and good food, eventually returning home to wake up mr smear and arrange canada post and enjoy a delicious new dinner (gnocchi in chilli with tofu scramble and oyster mushrooms)

bedtime prep, 13 reasons why was absolutely amazing right until the ending, which was full of empty promises of catharsis and unsettlingly unsatisfying. the series was worth every second, and i can't be sure i won't watch it again one day.
*SPOILER ALERT* *SPOILER ALERT* *SPOILER ALERT* i only hope that awful frustration we're left with is intentional, we found no catharsis in there whatsoever... just a bunch of characters frozen in motion in our minds, forever trapped under threat of consequences. i guess that's what hannah would have wanted?

sunday 16th:

another night exhausted and unable to claw my way out of bed for the alarm and lots of interruptions by an uncomfortable or hungry mr smear and feeling the frustrations of having lost a lot of project time

a little morning tension (misinterpreting "breakfast arrangement"), the realization that an implementation was done wrong (the tech doesn't support the design)

an interesting coffee at my uncle's with my sister, her sister and our sister-in-law, mr smear trying desperately to interrupt my mom's international call

running into a birthday boy at checkers seconds after sending a message suggesting we meet up sometime, then running into our old neighbours; a pleasant drive through to tableview and only being a little misdirected by apple maps, enjoying a really nice afternoon with hido's family

driving back from a gorgeous sunset, hitting the shower with mr smear who pushed out a life-disrupting poop just before i picked him up to rinse him; tensions rose.

sailor arriving, introducing him to john oliver and indian racism as we walked to pick up over-pickled falafel (i forgot to avoid the pickles, and i suffered the entire length of what would otherwise have been a delicious laffa); talking until late about a couple of exhilaratingly good ideas

monday 17th:

early up, a little work, mom's visit to bring gd soil stones, planning work days ahead, taking advantage of mr smear's nap (passing out for a good one) then heading off to sort out the car rental and arriving ten minutes before they closed; meeting mom at the waterfront for a little shopping and food and a little more shopping then coming home and getting ready for dinner and bed

my wife gave me a son who's as passionate about jazz as he is about nine inch nails and tool and psybient and funk ^_^

a bit of a tough sell getting mr smear to sleep, gd sorting out my sore neck before my fight with entity framework

junk food dinner (vegan burger and hot dog) and reading fascinating stuff in social: why our brains are wired to connect

tuesday 18th:

a hard night continuing the struggle, eventually turning in around 4am after finally completing what should have been a relatively straightforward task

mr smear up and down since 5.30am, getting an hour's rest in from 8 when the cleaning lady arrived then getting out of bed and sort of starting the day with coffee and telkom (who have been ripping us off for four months now, and who i'm trying to avoid buying a phone from because my home button's failing) and paying lots of medical expenses and dealing with labourers accidentally bursting the water pipe feeding our building

a half hour on my back before reading more social during gd's chiropractor visit: consistently surprising and surprisingly important information even if the balance between readability and good science is poorly navigated

trying to work during mr smear's very short nap, getting halfway through my veggie burger and happily (for both of us) sharing the rest with him when he woke up

a mixed afternoon (from fun to frustration and back again), stopping by my mom's before walking mr smear to and on the promenade; it was a glorious sunset and he had fun playing with a couple of fearless kids in the playground while their father struggled to accept my being local because of my accent

showering mr smear at my mom's, which wasn't too bad but very different from what we're used to, then coming home via the grocery store and running into an old friend (my first dm) who's making aliyah soon

re-watching louis ck live at the comedy store and finishing my current task around midnight

wednesday 19th:

climbing into bed after half an hour of tidying up

an hour's mystery struggle in the middle of the night

a shitty first morning back at school even after a mostly good night's sleep, then a quick run to town for breakfast with SxS at plant interrupted by a rush back to sea point to pick up gd and take her right to where we were; a quote request from a printer to another short visit with SxS, gd joining us with her new haircut then back to the school to pick up mr smear and return home for lunch (his nap, my lunch) then return to SxS's hotel for a few hours of work

feeling wasted, reading mr smear his new hebrew books, a call with telkom after they brilliantly "resolved" a billing issue by telling me which phone it was happening on; a promenade walk with my mom and quick shopping before settling down for a delicious scramble / avocado dinner

nodding off waiting for mr smear to fall asleep

thursday 20th:

3.30am start

5.30am back to bed, then two hours up and down for mr smear's complaints before getting up to feed him and prep for school; he refused to eat until i gave him the spoon to feed himself, at which point he remembered that he actually likes the maize meal...

dropping him off and then dropping gd off and meeting my mom to give her the car seat before heading to town to have breakfast with SxS and his cousin

a little work, then meeting gd and my mom for lunch at plant (very slow service), the giving of baby gifts and the realization that the swimming pool visit wasn't a good plan, some solid work and the traffic on the drive home inspiring me to download waze

gd's insanely delicious vegan cheese naan experiment, mom bringing the car seat over, shower time and a frustratingly long good night

watching legion and passing out,

friday 21st:

getting up at 3.30-4 to sort out an email problem and begin a morning of struggle with programmable migrations

mr smear's smearing maize meal and cashew yoghurt all over his hands, his face and his legs right before we had to take him to school; heading straight to meet with SxS who wasn't answering so enjoying a decent (though not amazing) "traditional breakfast" at plant while working, joining SxS for his coffee and then being interrogated by his cousin on the topic of my graphic novel

waze + tool ftw, picking up gd and mr smear and getting him to nap soon after coming home

instagram account separation (moving all the feeds i follow to a new account on the same device) and sudden exhaustion just before mr smear woke up extra demanding; gd with her stupidly good chilli-cheese-stuffed mushroom crêpes

mom coming over after her first day of training, a delicious ghanaian dinner and sorting out her business mail and finishing legion (gd's not a fan, i think that the basic premise is really good and the execution was over the top and sometimes silly but still entertaining)

massaging javascript regex handling, mixing and matching solutions until i (mysteriously) got my routing right

saturday 22nd:

an awful hour of mr smear vomiting his lungs out

hotel transylvania (great film, insultingly cheap music and singing) followed by high drama before heading to the doctor

getting in on mr smear's short nap, suddenly being struck by extreme fatigue that'd been looming since thursday... eventually coming around just before my mom arrived to relieve us for an hour, giving me a chance to slug down a cup of coffee and figure out programmatically creating databases with entity framework

the hunt for luxuria superbia (we owned it, but couldn't recall its name so i ended up downloading and scanning through my copy of gameloading to find a reference), the warning poop (on the lookout for c. diff again) and a shower and a long goodnight

a little peanut butter soup leftovers (bowl nuked but soup tepid), a little ffix and a lot of work with entity framework migrations

sunday 23rd:

00.40 into bed

"he plays amazing chess, when everybody else is playing backgammon"

did mr smear suddenly become significantly heavier or was i just becoming particularly weak? [seems to have been a bit of both]

restarting my day with automatic migrations, eventually moving towards an undocumented strategy and tasting success just as we needed to get to the hospital to deliver a stool sample and pray that mr smear wasn't still carrying c. diff...

not the brightest nurse doing triage, an uncomfortable waiting room experience; mr smear napping when we got home and giving me time to figure out the migrations, waking up just after i finally lay down myself.

tending to his royal grumpiness (employing the magic pudding to good effect), mom arriving with the other half of lunch and stuffing ourselves

staying over to give me a chance to rest a little, getting up from a two hour nap in the sun with a sweaty neck; on lockdown due to mr smear potentially being ill, so an afternoon reading and playing before settling down to some adventure time before showering before putting him to bed


the profound gratitude in mr smear joyfully dancing to tool and nine inch nails, and in catching him just as he was toppling into the bath while i dried my face; the pride in him not swallowing when rinsing his teeth, and in his new reliance on words to communicate with us; and the joy of hearing him singing "twinkle, twinkle" to himself as we ready him for bed


lucas bros: on drugs (some very funny jokes, mostly just cute and clever), then work

monday 24th:

getting into bed around 1.30am after fighting with configuration files for three or four hours

up at 7am after too-little sleep overloaded with intriguing, weird dreams that i couldn't recall

episode 3 of the secret life of four, five and six year olds and jaja upsetting gd, getting mr smear's test results and the relief of an "all clear"

working throughout the day while entertaining mr smear, making solid progress; mom's business partner arriving half an hour late for me to sort out his email (so no evening walk with mr smear), followed by an incident of spilled (not milk) that escalated quickly and painfully

tuesday 25th:

a night of decent work, calling it early at 1am

a decent night's sleep? still feeling shitty from the night before, mr smear playing with his breakfast, dropping him off at school and heading to the waterfront to demand that the apple doctor fix my phone - which they appear to have done this time - doing a quick and heavy shopping and hitting baby city on the way home

still a shitty feeling, trying to get a little work done then rushing off to pick mr smear up again, taking his grumpiness to buy rechargable batteries for my mouse and his nap on arrival home; i don't recall that portion of the afternoon, but after some time playing with him when he woke up i decided to take him to kirstenbosch.

leaving for anywhere after 3pm is a bad idea, and this was about 4.45pm so it took us forty-five minutes to get there; it being winter hours, we ended up with about twenty minutes before it was time to go home. insane drivers, but great views, and running into someone i went on the kfar haro'eh programme with and her 9-month old

mom's upsetting email experience after a long day - sorting it out, but surprised (or not?) that mweb didn't warn its customers that they were taking down an in-use pop server... thrown dinner time, mr smear suffering from a sore tongue (he actually pointed to his mouth and said "ow", which is a first), getting him to bed fairly easily and watching the fourth episode of the secret life of four, five and six year olds while eating everyone else's dinner before settling down to post this. for a number of reasons - and a couple of distractions - it's taken a couple of hours, but i did come up with a solution to a project problem i've been struggling with so that's nice :)

now, do i work or sleep?

Sunday, April 09, 2017

sunday morning 2am

so it's 2am on a sunday morning, i've been working all night on finicky bits of code and i've just tidied everything away. but the reason i'm not in bed right at this very moment is because i'm keeping an ear out for mr smear, whose been having a horrible night of coughing. it was such a good day, this is really not the way to end it.



stressed watching the smurfs movie, it pushed all sorts of buttons but it's clearly a good children's movie

tired, lazing about with wordbrain and dabbling in work, hurting my neck again (instant nausea)

a lovely visit to our cousins, an enormous compliment in the form of a request to *not* share another poem after role models hit the mark
an enjoyable afternoon with playdate friends at the park, getting the right amount of sunshine and coming home feeling tired but good

getting mr smear fed, showered and ready for bed, playing wordbrain for a little longer than i needed to be sure he was asleep before settling down to watch the end of the total recall reboot and an hysterical dave chappelle special (deep in the heart of texas)

Saturday, April 08, 2017

a stay in the hotel hospital suite

friday 17th:

the new hospital issues (signage, parking, elevators, and wtf is up with hospitals not having ANY places to buy something to eat that isn't going to make you sicker?!), a really great radiology experience (even though i'm nervous about having my small son x-rayed)
a pharmacy run and mom coming over for a drink and to help administer meds
pleasantly putting mr smear to bed after he became drowsy after his enthusiastic racing around the apartment after we finally got him breathing comfortably and eating again
jim norton - mouthful of shame is pure genius
iron fist is AMAZING [note: it starts off awesome, and goes quickly downhill to omg-wtf-is-this-trash]

saturday 18th:

writing love poetry on the way to bed, then, unable to sleep, writing an intervention letter to hcc and clearing my virtual desk until 3am

up for a feed at 4.30, then properly getting up around 7.30 restless and tired. rewriting the intervention letter and sending it, being much relieved after receiving a positive response

missioning: mom, the doctor, the petrol station, the car rental agency
back home then out to the farmer's market; crazy crowded and mr smear swinging between extremes of cool and uncool
home, gd taking over while i dropped out for a desperate nap as i felt that i was starting to come down with something, getting up a couple of hours later and going to check out the carnival with sailor, walking and talking for a bit before bringing him home for dinner

not feeling well, going to bed early

sunday 19th:

my back really hurting during the night, getting up a couple of times and dreaming strange dreams

a lesson in mode / animal control and actually crying tears while fighting my fight or flight response

water documentary, waterfront mission, crowd stress exhaustion, a tiring afternoon of mr smear being destructive and defiant and outsmarting me on a number of occasions

mom over for dinner, putting mr smear to bed and then settling in to read mindblowing things in edible: an adventure into the world of eating insects and the last great hope to save the planet

monday 20th:

a reptile dysfunction at 5am (lizard warning sounds) [gods i don't remember this at all right now]
waking up tired with a particularly needy mr smear
pressure to get to school on time to see that it was a holiday and turn around
work, play, and taking advantage of nap time to discover that we should have applied for gd's residence immediately and not waited on mr smear's status change [just learned that the stress was for nothing, we don't need to apply for residence for another couple of years]
feeling awful while waiting to leave for the gym
my turn for a sore tongue
a good run (although a painful minute after accidentally pressing the emergency stop button)

giving up on the gym crèche, coming home desperately hungry, feeling progressively worse with a bored mr smear behaving progressively worse to match

mom arriving and giving me a chance to rest, waking up to put mr smear to bed and eat dinner and watch an episode or two of iron fist with gd

finally back to my big project at work

tuesday 21st:

finishing work at 3am excited about completing an important part of the puzzle

dairy IS fucking scary

mr smear smelling like the vinegar on fish 'n chips after skipping a shower
have you ever lifted a toilet lid to find a bath duck floating in it?

crazy kids party, mr smear being frustratingly clingy at first, chilling with friendlies, back home where mr smear dropped out for a surprise nap which was enthusiastically embraced; quick shop (a supermarket with no cauliflower or broccoli?!)

muizenberg on a public holiday, crowds as far as the eye can see; someone or someone's dog taking a dump next to us while we were setting up

returning home for a quick post-beach shower, joining my mom at the synagogue for my grandmother's yahrzeit, then prepping for dinner at my aunt's and hitting snags (like an asthma attack) on the way out when we were already late...

hand-foot-and-mouth disease making my tongue swell and hurt from the time we arrived at the synagogue and becoming progressively more painful until i gargled salt water and cried for five minutes; that held the suffering at bay until dessert time when the fruit salad set it off again

a lovely dinner, albeit with a couple of arguments that really didn't need to be so aggressive, mr smear being testy and refusing to eat, and staying up until we got home at 10-10.30pm

news of my boss' father dying while his wife struggles with stage 4 cancer just adding weight to an already long day, crashing on the couch for a minute and then dragging myself to bed in the middle of the night

wednesday 22nd:

up just before our alarm on a beautiful misty morning, a fairly efficient breakfast, dropping mr smear off at school and then researching phytoestrogens and soybean safety (safe in moderation, fermented is healthier), crashing for a bit then working then picking him up

he acted embarrassed while i was learning that he'd been pulling another boy's hair and smiling when in trouble... *sigh*

gd sending her brother a goodbye message

reading xamnesia and passing out while mr smear napped, a couple of hours working (banging my head against an invisible wall)

the gym: another unpleasant crèche experience, a coffee while compulsively reading xamnesia, a great bag workout until being surprised by hcc because we'd completely forgotten that we'd agreed to babysit and had lost track of the time; picking up mr smear and rushing out to take the two kids to the park, which was a fun and interesting experience, then back just in time to pick up gd, retrieve my gear and get home

gobbling down the new végépaté, showering and getting mr smear fed and into bed
iron fist and dinner
bad rls plus hand pins and needles and nerve pain down to my toes

thursday 23rd:

the enormous guilt after realizing that i've generated a food issue for mr smear

mr smear kicking another boy *groan*

storming out of sportsmans warehouse enraged by the fact that the people i care most about on this planet are the people who ignore or dismiss me the most; a shitty afternoon but at least managing to get some work done while mr smear napped, then taking gd for a haircut and finding that cbd's wellness warehouse has shut down its food operation... eventually picking up a good kauai wrap before rushing home where hcc was waiting to drop off her son (and we thought that they were paying us a visit)

busy babysitting

dinner time struggle, showering and prepping for bed; iron fist and cider and a big dinner that burned my mouth but was still bearable relative to the previous couple of days

rls exhausting me, passing out on the couch early

friday 24th:

another night down, waking up tired and struggling to get mr smear out of bed. thank all the gods for utopia cashew yoghurt, he ate breakfast and we dropped him off particularly clingy... we were barely back home when they called to ask us to pick him up again, he didn't seem well at all. a visit to the chiropractor for both of us while the cleaning lady took care of him, then walking him to the doctor who looked him over thoroughly and suggested that he might just be stoned from a badly timed antihistamine...

meanwhile, i was utterly bombed and crashed when we got home; it was 4pm when gd woke me up informing me that the cleaning lady had stayed an extra two hours and put him to bed... and i still felt awful so i took two panado and finished reading xamnesia (i don't know why i picked it up in the first place, but i'm very glad i did), wondering if i was sick, still recovering from hand-foot-and-mouth or just in shock from the chiro

mr smear waking up stoned and a bit wobbly, throwing up just after my mom arrived for dinner and forcing an early shower; finding a weird little bruise on his chest just as we decided that all day he'd been a) reacting to the new antihistamine and b) coming down with something new

parenting fun.

gd stuffing us with a delicious dinner, giving my mom access to our digital library (no thanks to amazon, their household offering is shit), watching a little iron fist while icing my neck then crashing

saturday 25th:

nothing like being screamed at by an angry child at 2.30am for taking him off a breast to clean his nose which was so stuffy he couldn't feed

not quite the relaxing recovery saturday we'd hoped for: mr smear did eat a little breakfast with me, then there was reading and playtime and even a nap, but while gd and i played eco fluxx he decided he wanted to feed and we ended up in round two of serious vomit...

resting / sleeping / restlessly reading (edible still - phenomenally interesting stuff) / taking mr smear to the pharmacy and following him out and down the road where he threw a tantrum and head butted me twice for not letting him run into traffic

introducing my mom to bill burr, then icing a spasming / pinching neck and shoulder
the iron fist writing is inconsistent, sometimes riveting but mostly just pathetic

it's been a long time since we've had to change a leaky poop diaper in the middle of the night, miraculously clean sheets [in retrospect, that was the first real hint of c. difficile]

sunday 26th:

constantly waking up throughout the night, finally up to shouting from the living room as mr smear once again let go of everything he'd taken in and we began worrying about weight loss

magi: adventure of sinbad and prepping for the hospital (during which time he ate some toast and a banana, which was encouraging)
lacking hospital emergency signage but a very professional staff and an overall positive experience even though we'd arrived at the wrong hospital

parking ticket fiasco, home and nap time (killjoys, very cool concept), our own nap hour then mom coming to take over while we went to the pharmacy and did some shopping (discovering a new asian takeout in our building)

the difficulty of seeing mr smear in pain and struggling to eat

a hardcore time switching diapers until eventually he was ready to sleep, grabbing the opportunity to eat a little, suffer rls then pass out

monday 27th:

strange dreams, relatively good sleep and then a 6.30 wake up with mr smear in a pool of vomit (we forgot to give him his midnight anti-nausea meds) and a 7am call from the emergency unit letting us know we were dealing with a strain of c. difficile - all this and a back spasm to boot

a long, tough morning organizing meds and keeping mr smear as comfortable as possible while becoming progressively sicker

laughing at the awful writing in sinbad: legend of the seven seas but it did spark a chain of inspiration for my own writing

the cleaning lady coming over and giving me time to rest, spending a late-march morning in cape town wearing a hoodie under a blanket

when you're sick (feverish) and every movement is painful and draining but you need to lie down and be able to hear your charging phone so you invest heavily in hunting down the right combination of plugs and cables only to realize that your room that you were freezing in earlier has become a sauna so you hit the couch instead and render all that effort wasted

mom taking over and giving me a few hours to be uncomfortable and sore (and experience serious chills), getting up to struggle through a cup of soup before putting mr smear to bed

10.30 bad wakeup - mr smear still vomiting and me almost passing out a number of times - mom driving us to the ER where i was put on a drip before mr smear was...

tuesday 28th:

3.30am breakfast after mr smear finally fell asleep

a not unpleasant night on the fold-out couch, mr smear waking up unimpressed to still be hooked up

two breaks to go home and get organized, otherwise spending the day comforting mr smear and trying to rest; running into sandman's father in the hospital cafeteria, being upgraded to a double room with an ensuite bathroom after another vomit episode, carefully managing bedtime


2.5 hours of putting him to bed later, feeling awful and forcing down gd's végépaté purely because i'd barely eaten anything else the whole day...

wednesday 29th:

1.30am up for mr smear feeling as awful and passing-outy as before, self-diagnosing c. diff just as soon as he finally went back to sleep and taking myself down to emergency [fortunately, i was wrong, but i was still messed up]

lesson for the day: i do not like morphine. #no_pain_no_brain

back to the room in time for another tough session, back to emergency for review and a conversation with a doctor whose only interest in nutrition is trying to wrap his head around the banting idiocy

a long morning and a scary number of diapers, a quick home visit and then back for a rest; being asked for a stool sample after being given morphine, getting a little rest before following health insurance advice to alienate mr smear's doctor (i hope i didn't, he's a great doctor), feeling awful again but improving considerably after saying goodbye to lunch and breakfast (and praying i'd already absorbed my antibiotic)

mom giving us a chance to recover, leaving us with mr smear just about ready for bed - his spirits dramatically improved during the last few hours of the day and ours along with them. bolstered by an outpouring of support and good wishes, and even my system had calmed down a bit although i attribute that to not eating at all and hydrating much more than usual

thursday 30th:

midnight surprise: waking mr smear from a full leak and gd having the presence of mind to call the sister; a needy boy refusing to let go when i desperately needed the toilet and a risky last-ditch feed attempt by gd

another long day, an informative pre-g-scope meeting
"i know you have diarrhea, i'm prescribing you a laxative anyway"

a quick mission home and the shock of missing meds because i didn't realize how late it was already, a busy afternoon and a vomit-poop-poop-in-bath combo and nobody else seeming to care how contagious c. diff is

my first laxative experience: so disconcerting that if i hadn't consciously taken a laxative earlier i would have shit bricks. not literally - i usually get plenty of fibre and i already had diarrhea to begin with - but that's a joke that really doesn't work without a setup. anyway, i think if it wasn't for those two points the experience would have been much less pleasant.

not being able to drive and suddenly realizing that we'd hit month end without my managing our finances; of course the banking app will let me do every type of transfer except the one i needed to so my mom had to drive to our apartment to fetch my laptop...

... and then i struggled with ios hotspots until understanding that our carrier doesn't allow it. HUH?!

when your toddler understands just enough to realize you want him to sleep without dinner but not enough to get that it's to prevent him from throwing up: trauma for the whole family

ultimately, a third night where we should have just played with him until he passed out by himself

friday 31st:

my sleeper chair really messing me up, a tough night with nutty dreams, an antibiotic on a single sip of water and mr smear waking up with a dry tongue

7.15 up and straight to the bathroom, signing the roofie clause, last minute rush to the toilet and locked out of paediatric ward so awkwardly using a public facility

the robe

omg what a trip - not only was the experience a pleasure (great sleep, super comfy bed) but between the positive results and news of mr smear i cried like a baby for about five minutes.

an ungentlemanly act followed by "see you tuesday!": the previous crying like a baby in front of them didn't bother me until i "let one go" on the doctor's couch and it turned out not to be gas.

mr smear's first day off the drip, roaming a little (and a bit wobbly)

mr smear and the wrap that had touched feta: a severe allergic reaction that caused a full meltdown, fortunately eased out of by professional staff who not only sorted mr smear out quickly but who addressed the issue immediately (the kitchen had ignored the allergen list we'd provided)

mom running out for delicious miso soup and preemptively buying us dinner

a long afternoon of discomfort and fatigue and dizziness to end a week of the same, suddenly realizing that my weakness and nausea and feeling faint all began right after my visit to the chiropractor and was actually caused by pressure to my cranial nerves

hospital discharge, driving home cautiously in the dark in our rented tin can after the rain

the relief of being home, everyone happier

saturday 1st:

a good night's sleep, a good start to recovering from the hospital experience; a joyful mr smear and gd's mushroom tofu scramble, being woken from a short nap on the couch with fingerpaint

that instinctive thing that cats and small children do when you try to pick them up and they relax every muscle in their body

discipline plus not giggling equals stuttering

an epic forty five minute tantrum over antibiotic administration

the discovery ambivalence, an improved post-nap parenting experience, shopping with my mom and purchasing the studio version of iggy pop's the passenger to mr smear's delight, family dinner and a successful antibiotic strategy, two goodnight feeds and louis ck's hilarious while finishing edible (the former is even funnier when you can relate to parenting toddlers, the latter is brilliant and important but takes a scientifically uninformed stance on veganism)

sunday 2nd:

a good night's sleep, followed by an extremely slow recovery day; no rest for mr smear meaning no rest for us (although i did let my guard down and got bashed in the head for it), finishing the green beans just as he decided he finally wanted to try them; at least he enjoyed the wazoogles

eventually getting a short nap, enjoying brooklyn nine-nine and picking up panda express dinner (the eggplant was only potato), ffix grinding after bedtime

monday 3rd:

a good night's sleep
mr smear eating well all day
big shopping and managing a couple of tantrums
colcacchio vegan pizza, mr smear's first pizza and the amused discomfort of watching him pick avocado off the slices before eating them from the centre
teawesome teas are awesome.
keeping mr smear awake for his meds
unable to nap
too misty for a walk
a good chat with copywriter
iron fist
setting my alarm to nap for an hour...

tuesday 4th:

... waking up around 2.45am...

post-feed gas bubble fallout

5am to bed, dreaming R1 coins falling everywhere and a sudden riot inside a woman screams and throws herself into a puddle and dies; an acquaintance stalks creepily and then comes back from the dead

mr smear suddenly HEAVY, not just putting his weight back on but growing significantly literally overnight

waking up in a foul mood with the cleaning lady knocking on the door two hours early, a redefinition of "drama", breakfast, a little work, leaving mr smear with the cleaning lady to do a big shopping run, back in time to leave for my scope follow-up appointment

super positive scope review, no mention of my ungentlemanly behaviour, being recognized at the hospital pharmacy

mr smear passing out as we prepared to take him for a walk, working a little and then waking him up to hit the promenade and turn around because of the cold; quick shopping and getting home a minute before protoplasm arrived for a drink and dinner, mr smear starting off shy then taking a shine and generally being amusing and mischievous

bedtime ritual, putting myself to bed early

wednesday 5th:

up at 1am, struggling with bullshit IIS configuration issues until 3am, switching to my project and working solidly until 5.30am

slight panic attack over finances

getting up after three hours, taking my ppi and waiting half an hour before eating and being hit with acid reflux anyway (which i haven't been aware of for a little while), introducing gd to samurai jack and watching a brilliant dave chappelle special (the age of spin)

chiro visit, rental breakdown fix just as it began raining
work, nap, gym turnstile fail, the park with mom
dinner throwing anger, shower, falling asleep waiting for mr smear to nod off

thursday 6th:

hours failing to resolve the iis issue, crashing just after 5am

up at 9.30 to have mr smear mix peanut butter, banana and strawberry yoghurt to throw at me (although this time he ate a lot first, much easier to keep cool)

more farting into the thunder (iis configuration), a first visit with an older doctor who welcomed us to 2017 asking if we give our child cannabis and if we ever consume marijuana mixed with sleeping tablets?!! i was horrified to be asked the questions, even more so to think that there might be parents who can answer yes to that sort of thing...

... an afternoon feeding mr smear until my mom arrived, resting an hour or two (and getting up feeling wasted), drinking a cup of coffee to power up for a walk that it was way too windy to go out for, sending microsoft an SOS and mr smear passing out unexpectedly early, getting a little "us" time for the first time in weeks (dragon fruit and iron fist, and louis ck 2017 just not as good as his usual material / delivery)

the end of iron fist: we're not keen on seeing a second season, the writing's awful and the overall sensation watching it was one of disappointment

reading a little further into the first heretic while updating all our devices

friday 7th:

working really well until 2.45am (nice and early)

thought for the day: i've given up on getting "enough" sleep in terms of hours. i'm now judging whether i slept well or not based on how i was feeling the moment before waking up.

some more good work, keyboard stickers arrival, a visit to the hardware store, most of the first episode of the man in the high castle (incredible) while mr smear napped

a baby city mission in the wind with gd's keys on the car roof (how they didn't fall off is beyond me)

blowing mr smear's little mind with butterfly videos (his new favourite thing, he's been saying "butter" - for butterfly - for over a week now) and playing shape and colour games with him on the ipad while trying not to pass out from sheer exhaustion
pre-shopping candle-lighting, a really nice dinner followed by a painless bedtime procedure

totally recalling how beautifully rendered the reboot of total recall is before going to bed early-ish

saturday 8th:

5am up for wordbrain (my mom got me into it) and rls and eventually just getting up and posting this, now it's 6.40am and i'm going to see if lying down for a bit is constructive...