Sunday, December 27, 2015

more than a month

I'm reevaluating my priorities, and this blog is becoming significantly less of one. i'm still taking notes, though, so here's a dump of the last month and a bit.

saturday 21st november:

another long day with little sleep, not doing anything productive

sunday 22nd:

slightly better night, beginning the day with a call to israel to learn that my medical aid successfully closed my account but didn't use their standing order to take the amount i owed so now i have to figure out a way to pay them

another rough morning with a relentless mr smear and not a chance to rest for either of us, a "big outing" for shopping and then the day disappearing: hard work and very little rest

monday 23rd:

another long and difficult night, "am i holding him safely" combined with a frustrating message from my mother

mr smear waits until i'm on my way out to start getting the hang of vocalizing with his whole mouth and tongue, having to leave amidst the overwhelming excitement of him demonstrating that he could start saying actual words at any moment

the first cold day

hac is back

our manager arrived with #%$&ing pinkeye to work?!?

speaking openly with my mom about leaving and then realizing that nifty may have overheard...

a painfully long day, the accumulated sleep deprivation definitely taking its toll

a pharmacy mission with mr smear's new "bunting", an amazing couscous dinner and a long shower before crashing

tuesday 24th:

dreaming human evolution from big cats and gifting emerald hummus from the sky, waking up still dreaming to wake up mr smear by trying to move him back to his crib... every attempt failed, i'd rather spend 45 minutes putting him to sleep once than wake up three times in the night

waking up to him rolling on his side by himself! a chatty morning, staring at the snow while bouncing him by the window to gd's beats while she gave a haircut

feeling tired and a bit ill all day, working hard to wrap my head around code that could win awards for how stupefyingly bad it is, a surprise call from godmother just as my mom pocket-dialled me in the middle of an intense cs:go arms race

feeling worse, shopping on the way home and they had everything we want, and more, just not the main thing on a tuesday night

good news from our landlord, although... that moment when you learn that your landlord isn't just a lawyer, but that he works for the rental board

barely able to help out, skipped dinner

wednesday 25th:

a recovery night, mr smear resting in the morning too, a lower back massage to reinforce the fact that i married the right woman, no call from the recruiter who'd caught me at work the day before

a long day of hard work, baby clothing shopping as an excuse to sit for lunch at subway, letting my manager know how i feel (mostly) and hearing how he's blown away by my patience for my team's bullshit

coming home to discover that the host for my active phone service upgraded something and broke my code...

thursday 26th:

a long, hard night followed by a pleasant but busy morning

the brother-in-law call, the work day beginning with spilled breakfast and a fire drill, lunch break jones in the fast lane and fixing my phone service when i finally realized the extent to which my paid hosting changed standards without informing us

learning that our team of monkeys (who, of course, are equal to us in every way) completely circumvented all of symfony's security measures because they couldn't figure out how to enable a feature they were probably doing wrong; we're working on a product that handles a huge amount of money, i keep wondering how so many miracles save these assholes and i think i should join them in their weekly lottery tickets.

the first session: i feel all over the place but what came out of my mouth seemed quite coherent.

coming home early, but it suddenly becoming 10.30 as we put mr smear to bed and passed out ourselves

friday 27th:

dreaming of being the last to check in for a turkish flight via amsterdam, the staff being extra thorough in identifying me and then waking up for an hour of mr smear's midnight entertainment

remembering carusella's star quality, a solid victory, seriously passive-aggressive nox and the italian "smoking a peace pipe to divine his code", a lunch of going through photos of my stuff from pg and getting motion sickness from the simple play-through of the stanley parable, a disaster of an afternoon when i had the dumb and lost my dev environment (again) (fortunately with all the important stuff backed up)

the awkward packed elevator out only to discover that it was pouring with rain and my boots were upstairs, forgetting which stop to exit and deciding to go local, facing a disappointing dollarama stock change and all the lights on our main road being manned by police

coming home tired and hungry, a mostly good evening finishing the season finale of the first the ultimate fighter (incredible!!! bonnar vs griffin was absolutely amazing)

saturday 28th:

2.30am emergency cleanup for a mystery poop followed by fifteen minutes of trying to put mr smear to sleep when he was alert and hungry, followed by the kind of indigestion that pizza can cause that i believe can be attributed to the filling of the chocolate i'd eaten after dinner (i didn't read "milk ingredients" until it was too late)

the 5.45 repeat and not having the strength

three wakings, two overflowing diapers and a visit to gd's regular clinic where - for the first time in the (two?) months since she started limping - she actually received treatment.

beyond exhaustion, a quick snack in front of my computer before heading off to the laser clinic

a positive experience, awkwardly being ignored by and ignoring the idiot technician afterwards

the afternoon bleeding into

sunday 29th:

the morning, with the two of us wiped out and trying to get stuff done

the big lunch outing ending with the shock that a basic meal at rose de lima cost us $50, so we won't be going there again. an attempt at limbo scaring gd and in turn scaring mr smear

getting him to bed around 8pm and 

monday 30th:

waking up at midnight feeling refreshed for the first time in ages, but restless as well and only getting back to sleep around 2.30
4am trying to clean up around an active volcano, panic leads to tension
5.30am repeat, 7.30-8 alarm clock issues, a most unhelpful man at the south african consulate, responding to tons of birthday messages with mr smear passed out on my chest

did you try turning it off and on again? worked for me, getting my project back on track, lunch chat with SxS, a long afternoon impressing my "superiors", finishing late with another double-call from my mom and godmother

shopping, overheating in the metro, home to take out and the ultimate fighter. mr smear was very busy until late with feeding and needing to be burped or changed. what's amazing to us is that he doesn't usually show any interest in the television when we're watching, but mma fighting? holy crap, he's absolutely transfixed and he gets super agitated if we turn him away. he's barely four months old!

tuesday 1st december:

a couple of easy night wakings but overall a decent amount of sleep for everyone. pinching nerves in neck and back. a rushed morning but with mr smear getting into his teething ring and becoming comfortable rolling onto his side.

making good progress until running into a mystery; getting through all my facebook messages, donating clothes and picking up an "activity gym" for mr smear, suddenly becoming drained during a long meeting

rushing to the clinic and arriving in spite of another jerk with custom seat covers preventing us from hooking in the car seat and a cowardly misogynistic bastard in the taxi company's management giving gd grief

two sets of kids coughing openly over everyone, a relieving checkup (mr smear didn't have an ear infection), subway dinner and another disturbing taxi driver on the way home

a long chat with my mom, putting mr smear to sleep and crashing just before midnight 

wednesday 2nd:

excitingly positive 5am chats, followed by broken naps, followed by a VERY exciting interview with a recruiter with a computer science background - leaving for work very upbeat
mr smear's activity thingy is such a good investment i regret not having bought one sooner

sprint task grooming failure and the threat of an official warning if we continue to follow instructions (?!)
a tough day refactoring bad hacking, some lunchtime limbo progress (that game is frikkin' *scary*) and my manager setting up xdebug for me which is pretty darned useful

taking wife-food (soylent) home and being quite impressed, mr smear seems to be getting ready to sleep later rather than sooner

thursday 3rd:

midnight hunger fed dry tortillas, a long night with a very uncomfortable mr smear

plotting with dirk diggler in the morning, then rushing off to work

the sad story of the dropped bagel, the relief at solving the mystery, limbo is seriously dark and grim
slow and steady progress, rushing out early but not early enough to shop on the way
mr smear sleeping for daddy-time with abe's exoddus, pleasant post-rain shopping weather, gd's delicious dinner and struggling to get him to sleep before 23.40 :(

feeling like i'd earned my midnight double-stuffed fudgee-o vanilla chai dessert

friday 4th:

another rough night, getting to sleep in a little and having some particularly powerful tool moments (holding mr smear during parabol + parabola was a highlight), mr smear discovering his tongue and playing patty cake

office desk moving day, infrastructure mysteries ($ signs in passwords is a very bad idea, using node.js's forever module is a very good idea), lunch money, computer gremlins, everyone leaving early for the company christmas party and letting me finish the work week on a good note

another disappointing supermarket not stocking items after we finally found them...

a long chat with my mom - details, very exciting - gd making me a great dinner and my manager's message letting me know that i'd won an apple watch in the christmas party draw. last year he received a (very nice) watch for five years' service while one of the team picked up an xbox, this year i'm picking up an amazing watch... where's the incentive to stay long term? in the perks and benefits that are neither perks nor benefits? in the lack of a pension plan?

saturday 5th:

decent sleep though not very much, slowly starting the day, a haircut!, seriously napping, freezing teething ring delight (even if only for a minute)
shopping assistant in my personal space

sunday 6th:

from rls to a back spasm, a horrible night's sleep, early morning bath, the doctor visit (and the relief when both taxis hadn't blocked their car seat clips), the scary choking getting in the second taxi, knowing we need to feed mr smear animal products to avoid allergies

quick rest, gd's haircut and brief shopping mission, waiting for the babysitter, another emergency shopping mission, mr smear having none of anyone but gd and me (four traumatized individuals), trying to turn the evening into a date night and failing

monday 7th:

there's nothing like capping a full night's sleep with a password policy disaster and an emergency run to the pharmacy to make me late for work

morning: IT fails
lunchtime: csgo fails and one minute of monkey island special edition
afternoon: a long, hard refactoring slog with eventual success but then getting an urgent get-home-now call in the middle of a complex set of changes

of course mr smear calmed down while i was on my way home

tuesday 8th:

definitely not getting a full night's sleep, giving up at 6am, having a nice breakfast with gd and doing some chores before leaving early

unboxing my apple watch on my way out and being disappointed to learn that it doesn't come fully charged

working a stupidly long day doing great stuff and then being ditched by an important resource before we were ready for delivery

a calm night, moving slowly and playing with my apple watch

wednesday 9th:

midnight heating failure
damaged foot from old shoes, a fairly pleasant morning made awesome when the only place mr smear could get comfortable was on my chest, waking up well after our nap together

a very long day trying to finish the now-past-deadline project, an awkwardly disappointing myo demonstration, leaving late carrying 27lbs of wife-food, oblivion attempt #3, heavy garbage day, falling asleep on my feet

thursday 10th:

the 4.30am fudgee-o's
the 6.30 i-gotta-run-so-sorry wakeup which was fortunately followed by another hour's sleep and some slow, relaxed baby-gas release until gd returned
a little bit more oblivion, becoming a very interesting movie indeed, and a rushed but pleasant (making it particularly hard to say goodbye) send-off (mr smear playing with the ipad is very entertaining)

new functionality + finding issues before the QA team = a rushed day winning
playing with the leap motion over lunch and inspiring my new teammate with my fifteen year old idea

leaving later than planned for my weekly appointment and discovering that epicure doesn't do cash-back when i desperately need it (dumping all the shit i would've happily bought otherwise on the cashier)

omg i wish i'd been recording his cleverness; walking out surprisingly emotional

not-quite dinner (the central dish tasted funny), a highly amusing mr smear making interesting noises, the rest of oblivion - what a brilliant film!

code review frustration turning to inspiration

friday 11th:

4.30am restlessness
falling with mr smear and landing on gd :(

"leave the retards alone" fight

i know i don't understand temperature because 10 degrees in montreal feels like 20 in cape town and i'm comfortable in just a shirt.

a long day filled with frustrations, including throwing half of my lunch break at trying to figure out how to call a police station that seems to already be on holiday

a sleepy evening with the latest the ultimate fighter season (great fighters!), falling asleep on my feet,

saturday 12th:

getting plenty of sleep but not feeling the effects, a slow morning, a productive shopping mission, coffee with godmother, a (singing?) mr smear, the alphabet song revisited, a sore arm from holding my son at the wrong angle for too long

sunday 13th:

handling a full scale midnight dis-ass-ter without waking gd

starting the day with (the vastly overpriced but thoroughly enjoyable) ufc 194
brother-in-law breakdown and out
fun time bath time but with a back injury
delicious vegan mac and cheese and sausages lunch (field roast ftw!)
the disappearing day without the planned family nap, horseman's dinner visit and playmat ocd and personal project reevaluation
falling asleep on my feet and literally walking into a wall

monday 14th:

waking up early, a slow morning and emergency shopping, being grateful that my brother-in-law is out of the picture after learning even more about him

an awful, stressed day broken only by non-lunch at eggspectation (the filter coffee was the only item on the menu i could stomache)

tuesday 15th:

midnight change stress, waking up to a serious headache and taking a sick day with my project in a state of emergency, feeling shitty but getting to spend a weekday playing with my son and resting a bit, a fantastic dinner that i barely got halfway through

wednesday 16th:

a surprisingly difficult night worried about nightmares and teething and mr smear's inexplicable discomfort lasting until we finally got him to sleep around 3 or 4am...

... a much improved morning, and both of us getting to see his first roll!! incredibly exciting stuff ^_^

a long, frustrating day at work as we wrestled with more infrastructure issues; being impressed with janus vr right until i tried to run it, a little bit of thomas was alone to soothe my brain, my lead unwittingly sabotaging my project before leaving and losing an hour to that

leaving work with a scratchy throat, dinner and taking out the garbage and not-very-funny funny videos

thursday 17th:

sleeping in fits and bursts, dreaming of hiking up a strange mountain trail, losing a gunfight because i couldn't reload the shotgun fast enough and fleeing through suburbia

exhausted morning, recalling that gd and i are both rob zombie fans, the insisty, the smell of rain and beer on the sidewalk

delivery day:  starting to enjoy the christmas vibe (we pretty much do the work we want for the next two weeks) while simultaneously stressing to get our project out the door on time... just making it!

leaving a little late for my weekly appointment

a very interesting meeting indeed

slow shopping, disappointing plastic bottle return failure, learning an important lesson on how to put mr smear to bed when he won't be held

friday 18th:

almost a month since my last confession and i'm beginning to think that my journal obsession may be something i should be reflecting on

working at holiday pace is an absolute pleasure, getting great work done without pressure, the madness of the dot instead of a comma

the excellent dinner in spite of gd's misgivings, hard teething ring worries, a generally slow night, moseying from zero to hero with mr smear sitting on my chest, the miraculous minutes-to-sleep technique followed by a grand feeling of peace and accomplishment accompanied by rls

... stretching + treasure island...

... being irrationally terrified when mr smear is fast asleep and breathing silently and too shallow to perceive in the dark...

saturday 19th:

double poop trauma morning, clinic junkie begging from patients before haunting the toilets, a sloth day inside, gd's last home haircut, the amazing home veggie burger muffin, harlock, durarara, zoo, the ultimate fighter, unruly upstairs neighbour idiots and their idiot friends

sunday 20th:

it's winter. in montreal. one would think our neighbours would at least be intelligent enough to know that the entrance door should be closed properly: we woke up to a freezing apartment and it's a good thing mr smear sleeps in our room because his room got the worst of it.

confronting the neighbours with awkward results, paperwork, pre-breakfast poop forcing a bath, chatting with mum and finally doing the shopping rounds but only after the day went from sunny and almost warm to dark and six below... mr smear's first *cold* mission and he was so tired when we returned that his usual sleepy wail became a brief murmur

a quick mission to home depot for an insulation cushion, coming home just in time to collect the grocery delivery while gd nursed and order great singapore noodles and flee the overheated living room; putting mr smear to bed at 7pm and praying it would last, finally experimenting with SxS's baby monitor and being really pleased

hahahahahaha... no. half an hour's peace followed by two or three hours of two exhausted parents and an excited baby

monday 21st:

the midnight feed. it's demoralizing when he finally goes to sleep, then wakes up crying two minutes later

another couple of tough wakeups followed by a rough start inspired by godmother's "gift", mr smear still inconsolable and a rushed run to the pharmacy leaving me late for work

failing to enter the office with my metro pass
an important, but painful piece of work requiring immense concentration and a better sleep schedule that took most of the day to get halfway through
heavy rain delaying my lunch break until i could hit the shops for baby clothes and shoes, coming home in the rain to relieve a badly nauseous gd, the baguette bag with two open ends surprise, leftovers and humming

tuesday 22nd:

feeling great after the first three straight hours' sleep in weeks

4am bad gas and foot injury trauma soothed by 5am dark chocolate truffle cashew ice cream (amazing flavour but unimpressive texture, i guess so delicious got lucky with their soy texture)

from restless to awake in one short cry, dealing with an overflow poop alone and making coffee before gd got out of bed, mr smear and the second cereal, the return of the babysitter (mr smear was much more receptive this time)

a long day, but getting the job done by the end (well, mostly)

chewing gum on the metro floor, winning half the battle

who wears the pants when discussing mr smear's nutrition? folding laundry

wednesday 23rd:

what could have been a decent night's sleep but wasn't
a disconnected morning followed by a heavy-hearted day

satisfying work progress

coming home to an emotional roller coaster, not quite the conversation i was hoping for, a shitty rainy shopping mission, a tough night and mr smear only falling asleep around midnight

thursday 24th:

t'was the night before christmas, when all through the house
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse, for not one had survived the apocalypse

a warm and wet 14 degrees in montreal, kung fu panda tv series is great, my turn feeding mr smear cereal, a successful shopping trip and a relaxed afternoon

the ridiculous level of excitement from the overwhelming interest my illustrator job posting attracted in the first day

great dinner, scary cereal choking, serious pooping followed by an emergency bath that saw us using the actual bathtub for the first time

friday 25th:

quiet relaxing christmas, watching paul
my wife successfully hides easter eggs from herself on christmas (mini cheese wheels)
sound bar suicide

saturday 26th:

aggressive exhaustion from the early morning
a relentless day, taking a walk and realizing quickly that neither of us were up for it

have i mentioned zoo? it's a mostly-well written series and a lot of fun

lots of tears, poop up to the shoulders, a tough evening followed by

sunday 27th:

a tough night with mr smear generally uncomfortable. i'm now sitting on the edge of the bed avoiding passing out so that he can sleep on his belly