run down

i ran the same time as usual but twice the distance and with a constant scowl. it was the breathing exercises and ministry mantras that kept me going, and more than once i had to resist the urge to run off the track, get on my knees, raise my hands to the skies and yell "NO MORE!!!"

let's just say that i am definitely, 100%, without any doubt in my mind, never signing on again. it doesn't matter the incentive, i cannot handle being an island of sanity in a reality that's defined by some of the most highly qualified and intellectually capable morons around.

i'm actually beginning to identify with nystire, and i'm angry because i'm starting to see that the only way that i'm going to be able to retain my mental health over the course of the remainder of my service is to put my headphones on and pretend that i can't see anyone.

it has begun. now i'm going to be just like the jerk - maybe he's not really a jerk? maybe he's just another unfortunate sod that gave up? it just crossed my mind that if i'm ever this unhappy even when i get to my dream-job, i'm going to just give it up and do something else. there is no point in being upset to the point of distraction.

and i was mostly kidding last night when i suggested that i'm on the path to becoming an alcoholic.

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last night i spent an hour or so making a costume that turned out absolutely hysterical! unfortunately, as funny as it is it doesn't actually look like anything identifiable, so not really appropriate for this holiday. i'll try again tomorrow morning. i couldn't set up my webcam to take photos. that sucks.

a couple of hours of organizing, and i sent off an sms to tell ze germans that i was on my way - the response was a cool "cool". it takes me twenty minutes to walk north, the idea being that we'd all hop a taxi together to go south... only when i got there, i rang the doorbell and nobody was home to reply. i called to find out what was going on and they'd already arrived, having forgotten about me.

i've been trying to figure out how to take this without being offended, but i really can't. how the hell do you abandon a friend, and not even have the basic decency to send him a message so that he'll turn around?

instead, i went to ta2's party and mistakenly had a couple of drinks with ptsd. he can out-drink me by a long shot, and she him, so let's just say that i wasn't ship-shape by whatever hour i stumbled out of there. wr arrived at some point, and it was good to see him, but ptsd is - on a verbal level, at least - aware that i'm not interested and she still keeps flirting. i find that quite off-putting.

i woke up smarting, but managed to sort myself out and made it to the lawyer's office on time. i finished there quickly, and then made the mistake of missioning (and it's a mission and a half) to the mortgage bank, which was closed for the holiday. that was very frustrating, and i should have known better.

all the running around did give me an opportunity to catch up on the penny arcade / pvp dnd podcast - really entertaining. i'm going to have to look for a game at some stage.

the network went down today so we didn't get any work done, and when it was up i had so much difficulty that it didn't really matter anyway. and besides, i was having too much fun with my section-mates :S

i did get invited for the polygraph, though - the guys were laughing hysterically because i gave the girl who called me up a really hard time: "don't you guys have, like, a brotherhood of security that operates throughout the army?"
she took it well... the only thing i could've done better would have been: "don't worry about it, i know why you're inviting me and i'm ready to confess to everything!"

i am feeling a bit better, but i've got to go shopping now so that i can have dinner. at least the shower's still holding up. with all the mess from the costuming yesterday, i find my room looks like a reflection of my mind: cluttered and confused.