Saturday, November 21, 2015

time flying

monday 9th:

leaving on time when trying to leave an hour early

losing twenty minutes of lunch to a particularly slow cashier at babies r us

a meeting called to encourage the other team's mediocrity (during which i absolutely lost any respect i had for either of my managers), followed by a meeting to introduce my design to someone who already knew that the project would be frozen

coming home to take over for gd, managing to get the laundry done, change him, feed him and unintentionally put him to sleep with bob marley before gd returned to make a delicious dinner; we chatted with my mom, then (theoretically) went straight to bed

tuesday 10th:

the new 2.30am thing is groping hands seeking the diaper and non-stop bicycle motions. 'cause when you need to clean a bouncing baby after midnight, you want it to be as challenging as possible

not being able to get back to sleep for a while because i was so deeply disturbed by nifty's apology to the idiots who fucked up "for not acknowledging their contribution"; i would ask for a transfer to another team if i didn't worry that i might end up being pushed out altogether

sleeping badly, the carrier rescuing the morning, keeping myself occupied until pointless meeting time, bug hunting and the 5pm lunch break during which i learned that my initial understanding of the residence application procedure was correct

leaving the office late, coming home for a shopping outing, leftovers and passing out at the first opportunity

wednesday 11th:

gd with nerve pain and vain clients with zero sympathy? enough.
mr smear with painful gas

that special kind of anxiety when you have a small child at home and someone in the elevator begins to cough

whatever day, donating more clothing, nap attack at 2pm
the big cheese meeting preceded by my lead making a pathetic play for credit, followed by strategizing, followed by a small cheese meeting, followed by an investigation which saw nox backing me up when my manager was importantly making a very bad call.

salad shopping, p.m., high on life, garbage day, freaky filming cops footage, a serious shower

thursday 12th:

3.45am miracle burp
both times tough waking up, the second spent nursing coffee and observing farts until gd returned from an appointment
the company's "town hall": edifying, not as boring as expected. heavy pushap lunch, nem (i've begun thinking of him as the cowardly lion) being brought in to a discussion he was even less adequate for than usual, managing to sway the jury towards node.js and making good, fast progress before leaving without an umbrella to walk to the metro in rain that stopped just as i arrived

great salad and worst cook (vinnie turns out to be a totally shit person), exhaustion and passing out as soon as possible

friday 13th:

sirence! slow, relaxed waking; palms in the background, sleeping tucked in to my ski jacket on the metro

enjoyable work and good progress
paris attacked
sleep schedules and a great dinner followed by a very unhappy boy

saturday 14th:

a very cold night with the heating not set correctly, too exhausted to hold mr smear, a nightmare of him being left with a group of tourists

introduction to armikrog (so far: awesome!), a long day with a difficult-to-please mr smear, cancelling laser at the last minute, heavy shopping delivered, gd's version of my salad making mine look bad, struggling with's fight pass and then ps3 youtube failure to live streaming (?!?!), setting up a solution and then realizing what a bad idea hosting the evening with a small child is

sunday 15th:

an absolutely relentless mr smear from the moment he opened his eyes; going from supercharged to depleted in a few short hours, enjoying ufc fight pass, rushed chinese take-out and making an effort to get him to nap at 5.30 / 6-ish

monday 16th:

aside from a feed, he slept through to 1am! another feed, an impossible air bubble, then finally getting him back into his crib around 2am
it's a different kind of difficult waking up from a lot more sleep than you're used to, continuing to watch the first season of the ultimate fighter (drawing inspiration to get back into training) and trying to be helpful by volunteering to change mr smear on my way to work, but that backfired as he proceeded to void his bowels and bladder simultaneously when i was just getting ready to put the new diaper on... someone clearly felt that he needed a bath, the big satisfaction being that i'd been correct when anticipating that bathing him the night before would be a mistake...

a day lost to a bad pattern choice, a successful interim code review and discovering that babies r us is out of winter stock and has no plans to order more. it's november, wtf?!

cancelling game night on the way to game night, discovering that the next closest provigo is shutting down before the end of the year

the tail end of a long day with a grouchy, vocal mr smear, managing to get him to sleep a *little* bit earlier than usual

tuesday 17th:

another busy morning, cabin fever rearing its ugly head and leaving an hour late for work

horrible lunch

fortunately making short work of my tasks because the babysitter ran late and gd almost cancelled an important appointment before i told her i was coming home; good thing she eventually arrived because i got stuck in the metro, and also because it gave me an opportunity to accompany gd

a couple of hours watching the next few episodes of the ultimate fighter through virtual fingers as i tried to get mr smear to sleep at a reasonable time, choosing to crash over eating when finally presented with the opportunity

wednesday 18th:

turning a heating disorder into the end of the world and learning about humility, waking up with a stiff neck and leaving for work without breakfast; good pita za'atar and a long day making good progress, although the demo i prepped for never happened

a most disgusting lunch, leaving late with pizza waiting and very little appetite... possibly a good thing as the pizza was absolutely foul - i've never thrown out an entire pizza before.

two or three hours of trying desperately to get mr smear to sleep so that i could take out the trash, shower and brush my teeth before falling over from exhaustion

a big discussion begins about going home

thursday 19th:

3.30am another unnecessary change followed by an hour deconstructing bad expression

waking up dreaming to a seriously uncomfortable little boy, introducing my mother to the aforementioned big discussion, walking out before realizing that my hair looked completely ridiculous

so excited to find thai delight that i forgot to pick up anything else

a long day with an exciting finish: my project's coming in elegantly and under budget, i feel like yelling "look, ma, no hacks" at the rest of the team.

play time, good dinner, the ultimate fighter, tea next to an open window while it was pouring with rain

friday 20th:

early morning reality check, half an hour failing to setup my pc so i could work from home

a phenomenally stupid decision taken by nifty and understanding that it's not my problem*; my concern every time nem opens his mouth that someone might actually believe that he isn't just throwing out buzzwords was allayed by my manager agreeing with me when he learned why my eyeballs were rolling

* although the justification for that decision is that my project failed last quarter, and that only failed because he put assholes on the job and not because the design wasn't good

leaving for the weekend in the middle of a complex refactor, bringing it in with some house music, another evening spent putting mr smear to sleep (10pm, a slight improvement)

saturday 21st:

1am gas struggles, 4am candle failure (dollarama wick surprise, very dangerous) leading to changing mr smear leading to needing to clean his hair again

not getting nearly enough sleep, then overcompensating with coffee and not being able to nap when i got a chance

some links i need to post

isil is weak, stop helping them

legal lsd treatments

canada begins to crawl out of the cannabis dark ages

Saturday, November 14, 2015


i've seen so much ugliness in my feed following last night's attacks in paris; islamophobia, islamism, it's-not-us-but-we're-not-condemning-anything-either, co-opting (gun control? climate change???) and even gloating by those proven "right" [see what i did there?]

dear france: what a horrible ordeal, my thoughts are with you.

dear rest of the world: multiculturalism? pluralism? these only work if everybody's on board. and if you let people fall through the cracks, if you don't maintain good relations, if you don't effectively punish anyone who crosses the line, on any side of the line, if you accept bullying (whether cultural or physical)... you're playing a part in the destruction of any chance of going forward in a positive manner.

if you must stick to simple narratives, then stop playing semantic games and just go to war already.

Monday, November 09, 2015


saturday 24th:

diaper sizing, the mall exhaustion, tekken beer and expectations, horseman tekken evil apples cfsw 2015

sunday 25th:

two extremely tough wakeups feeling cotton wool broken, a day started with firefly, a failed attempt at a hard problem (being totally preoccupied with mr smear and his newfound ability to play with toys); inviting godmother for coffee, a short shopping mission, empire of the sun, pinching nerves, rls and kind of not eating very well.

monday 26th:

midnight express to an awkward morning

extreme exhaustion and a lack of prep combined for less than ideal interviewing conditions. i thought i might pass in spite of them but i wasn't holding my breath...

nox accompanying me home from the supermarket

win: mr smear hyper alert and communicating! not-so win: him continuing to be hyper-alert and communicating until way past bedtime.

tuesday 27th:

his first night in the crib, his joy at being changed at 4am and his singing along to a lullaby melody instead of falling asleep to it

still wasted and becoming increasingly certain that i was ill during monday's intense interviews

a long day at work, giving up on symfony but at least being satisfied by my efforts' side effects; good cs:go

car seat adjustments to go to the doctor, an uncomfortable visit, the taxi home taking forever and not having safety clips, an urgent pharmacy run and exhausted eating and sore feet and back and neck.

wednesday 28th:

mr smear's discomfort, sleeping in a little, not doing anything remotely chore-like

dealing with outsourced errors, taking cs:go into competitive space, discovering laraval and being impressed

that moment when you sit down on the metro, cold and rain-drenched, and realize that you *did* have an umbrella after all

stomach cramps, a pharmacy run, big dinner and mr smear's accomplishments

thursday 29th:

a great morning after... mr smear slept through the night! getting stuff done in spite of a severely pinching nerve

a long day at work but productive, cs:go demolition intro and not bad. leaving late with sore eyes and blurry vision

learning that i bombed in the interviews, feeling disappointed that i didn't postpone (i should have known better, but you know when you're ill and you make bad decisions?)

feeling a little better, mr smear going to sleep at his regular hour and giving me a chance to shower and tidy up a bit while gd alternated between feeding him and trying to sleep off feeling really horrible

friday 30th:

mid-night waking taking hours, difficulty getting up in the morning and feeling slow, stupid and off-balance

half an hour's lunch wasted on discovering that the company lunch did not include a single vegan-friendly options

an emergency rescue from thinks-he's-a-senior's major league screwup, another unwitting inappropriately loud and aggressive tone towards my manager

rushing out early and manic
wii setup, the almost-crawl, serious cries, absolute wipeout

saturday 31st:

saturday morning cartoons, putting in our other wedding rings, babies 'r us washroom feed and change, the walmart mission and buying better stuff than we thought, getting new wedding rings because the ones we've been carrying around since we got married turned out to be shit quality, back home hungry, wii setup mostly satisfactory, chinese delivery, the flash and two sore, tired parents putting mr smear to sleep

sunday 1st:

awkward with new hac and anxious with him and pg's reminder to hurry with my side of closing my israeli bank account
the wonders of having my own carrier, the day whizzing by with zero accomplishments and then the babysitter arriving and realizing i'd been neglecting to eat until just before we left for the slam

one of the most important elements of spoken word is the concept of "safe space". it's important for the artist on stage, it's important for the audience off stage. even though this is not the first time i've seen it, it's hard to believe that some people can have such a blatant disregard for others' space to the point where they become aggressive when asked (after many meaningful stares failed) to stop interfering with everyone's enjoyment of the evening. and of course, if you stand up to bullies *you* become the bad guy...

monday 2nd:

leaving early for the code rescue operation and working right through the day (and lunch) to deliver, making it just before rushing home for a few hours of beers and game planning with mr smear being amazing until just before it was time to call it a night
he's not an ambiturner [correction: he's the next two or three days we were very disciplined about correcting the problem until we learned that he's just fine]; a mini-breakdown

tuesday 3rd:

finally taking advantage of the 4/5am feed and change to call the israeli social insurance agency and find out that they *did* receive my documents and they *did* process them correctly and i *don't* owe them anything anymore - although if i want to claim the approximately $300 or so that they owe me i'll have to work for it. meanwhile, i could finally tell pg to close my bank account there and we can get started on shipping my documents and mr smear's books and comics...

i also took the opportunity to send my resume off to one of the guys from our resurrected weekly game, and learned from my mother about teeter frames which looked like a bloody good investment until our osteo weighed in...

in the morning gd and i agreed that she's going to stop working from home and we're going to take advantage of her workspace by using it to perform the triage we've been intending since long before mr smear was born...

it was INCREDIBLY hard to say goodbye, mr smear is so ridiculously cute and he just took it up a notch while playing with his little plush cow (about half his size), he's really starting to communicate

one stupid bug and lots of cleanup
nutrition research arguing and evil apples over team lunch, not a bad experience
welcoming the new team lead to my nightmare, only this time both managers and myself are on the same page

$60 for a delivery? no.

two wiped out parents trying to get an early night, late pizza

wednesday 4th:

starting the day with reopened wounds while trying to deal with some tough stuff, first steps and a little bit of healing after sunday night's poetry encounter

running half an hour late after engaging mr smear with animal noises and songs so that gd could make a phone call

a day of debugging, a break for surprisingly unspiced briyani at cafe royale, mysterious caching troubles and yet another lesson in why doctrine is awful

wooden pizza slices and rushing home to the rescue, clinic mission and shopping and trying to eat dinner but mr smear freaking out and only gd able to calm him

thursday 5th:

4am garbage day glory and the fourth night in a row struggling to get the heating right. leftover pizza and evil apples. being forcibly ejected from deep dreamland by the distinctive sound of poop shooting straight up mr smear's back.

a long time at the oshkosh store, wondering if i shouldn't have jumped in on a conversation i overheard to say "clothing is a terrible gift"

naming day: nox and nem are the perfect teamup of destructive practices and negligence

a good chunk of security design done

home to an improved situation, all good until bedtime when he seemed hungry but i was so exhausted that by the time i'd done shambling and prepped formula he was fast asleep

friday 6th:

end of dream one: gd and i in a rental car avoiding police keeping up with us in reverse to see my seatbelt unfastened, we stop in a downpour and i stand waiting for her as she drives into water almost to the roof and miraculously manages to get out but loses control and returns; eventually getting free

end of dream two: the asian artist frisbeeing pasta strainers under frogs, ducks on water bikes

tummy time with tool and mr smear passing out to forty six and two with his left hand making devil horns

a relatively relaxed day at work, somewhat disappointing cs:go and a long trek to donate clothing and handle returns

leaving early on a good note, friday night shutdown with mr smear being very chilled while gd was out

evil apples: paying for the mega pass. for each of us. because we have gotten a LOT of pleasure from playing it.

saturday 7th:

a beautiful morning, walking to bleuet for probably the last time, upside-down nachos, passing out for one song while gd bathed mr smear and getting up zombified to help and run out to the satay brothers (which we just learned is very close)

there's nothing like gd thoroughly enjoying a meal before discovering she's allergic to something in it, forced into a second outing instead of napping 

coming home to an attempt to eat dinner interrupted by a series of unfortunate incidents that left me in a panic and mr smear covered in poop; he was definitely the only one to find the situation at all amusing...


dreaming: participating in a spy / commando reality show and realizing that my partner had faked his credentials

a good sunday morning clearing living space in the living room, getting gd set up with the wii and filing a substantial section of our documents, then being distracted until my back began to ache from carrying mr smear; removing the now no-longer-functional baby swing and beginning the long-overdue triage

a productive afternoon and the most glorious evening's walk, coming home to a needy mr smear, an emergency shopping expedition, great burgers following gd's instructions, a lot of evil apples, futurama, nerve pinching, putting mr smear to sleep with high tone


rough wakeup to an uncomfortable mr smear and a repeat performance (on his end, i was better this time) of saturday night's not-joy; tool and breakfast while watching him sleep on his belly (it's bloody inconvenient that sleeping this way needs to be monitored, he's way more comfortable)

getting ready to go to work early because we're getting used to surprises...