Monday, October 12, 2015

smiling on sleep deprivation

friday 25th:

post-venting daddy daycaring, gd returning early from a non-appointment and enjoying a relaxing afternoon together

shabbat improv and a delicious dinner with horseman, talking parent-late into the night (10.30!), putting the wife and child to bed and feeling superdad-ey for sorting out the kitchen and laundry

saturday 26th:

an early start to hours of taking care of mr smear and binge-watching the rest of the first season of hunter x hunter. what a payoff! and the second season's beginning is just as exciting as the original manga.

mom sync and a mission to sort out the laser treatment with all the joy sucked out of it, extending into an agitated walk, some housecleaning, shopping and...

... watching cowspiracy. if there was only one movie that i could get people to see, *that* would be the one. there is so much in there, a large amount of it so very different from what i was expecting, it's overwhelming for me even though i don't consume animal products. it helps that i've recently seen hot coffee and ethos, because if i'm honest with myself i wouldn't have been able to accept some of the scary stuff without an understanding of how much power the agricultural industry wields (internationally? it's not just the US?); having seen industry documents made available through the freedom of information act with my own eyes helped too.

it's weird to think that people like me could be on the FBI's terrorist watchlist for caring about the future of humanity and our home.

sunday 27th:

a very long night, a better morning. slowly getting into gear for my haircut, then missioning to provigo to pick up microwave veggies in an effort to get back on track with my diet

that magical moment of making my simple, delicious, complete-healthy-meal salad for the first time since my old provigo closed down; a bit of angel-a and total exhaustion

monday 28th:

seriously weird dreams turning into mr smear's cries.

polite folk talk about "burping" their babies, but in reality they need to be burped and farted. good baby belly massagers, like gd, deserve the title of "fartist".

leaving a little earlier than usual, just in time to learn that the HR guy who didn't get back to me lives literally across the street from us so the walk to the metro wasn't awkward at all

completing my last major task but taking a late lunch to do so and then having that cut short by half an hour to deal with integration issues that ran deep; the interesting thing being that my manager and i sat together struggling to convert doctrine bindings to mysqli bindings - we completed the job elegantly before he informed me that the team's "star" has been trying to do that for ages and just today gave up on his project.
...
but it's okay, they're going to let him and nem pick the framework for the next iteration of our systems. #sonotgivinganymorefucks

a long time preparing food, a hard time eating it and the mysterious incident of the hair in the apartment

tuesday 29th:

i don't know how to burp mr smear when he violently bashes his head against me

...

moving furniture

...

a solid day of work sandwiching a very serious shopping expedition, the project finally looking good. the q4 presentation during which nifty explained that we're not looking for any more backend developers because our team's competent: i'm not certain that word means what he thinks it means.

wednesday 30th:

seeing the recruiter's message over a day late, the salads doing their thing, skunk anansie and the gassy baby, the realization that sunday is a slam day and my new pieces are all half-written

working hard and being forced to rewrite code i'd been assured was working... zombie fluxx is excellent... leaving the office in the midst of a production catastrophe to take care of my family
heavy shopping and a numb finger, making dinner while gd slept (thanks, nanny carseat!) and garbage day and cheap cookies

thursday 1st:

sleeping in to sound awake on the phone and then being awkward anyway
the new cleaning lady arriving just early enough to complicate the ritual morning rush
a long, long day broken for an excellent pushap lunch; making progress but for every step i took forward our junior teammate would take one back. the other day i mentioned something about him and gd said it's likely that he's a stoner - the more i think about it the more sense it makes.

deep exhaustion and being useless until

friday 2nd:

waking feeling like crap and realizing that i had a cold, a long morning but with very positive results
rushing home on a slowed down metro to take mr smear to see the doctor - we need to practice with his winter gear
getting back to the office for some quiet quality time, having an important chat with nifty

the excitement of managing my boy and dinner while gd slept

dear mom: gifts of venco drop are very much appreciated; having said that, they make it difficult to get to sleep when there's "just one more" to be had and i really have to learn not to touch their crinkly packets anywhere near mr smear while he's sleeping

saturday 3rd:

the 4am feed and nüüd covering
an early morning, remembering the male pregnancy hormones, babysitter training, vfmp's visit and strolling to cafe rose-de-lima for a good lunch*; exhaustion striking about halfway through, returning for a tough late afternoon, a good chunk of mad max: fury road and crashing as soon as able.

* they really shouldn't have added mashed potatoes to their "herbivore" without indicating that it had butter in it :/

sunday 4th:

waking up around 3am, a bleeding gum and a lesson about brushing teeth and waking the baby

almost no sleep and waking up to gd's foot injury anguish, making the world a better place one person at a time, slow prep for a big excursion to buy autumn-wear, a trek for formula, not resting, seriously heavy shopping, a bit more mad max and the tragedy of waking mr smear because his diaper was full

monday 5th:

early difficulty, but otherwise a good start to the day: utter adorableness from mr smear and beautiful weather and gd's client being interesting

a long day of optimizations; getting the job done late in the evening but not late... rushed dinner and not re-renting mad max (really? only 48 hours, apple?)

tuesday 6th:

feeling ill, gd giving me a full night's rest, the agony of leaving for work when mr smear and i were both so comfortable

a horrible day, feeling picked on by my manager and abysmally failing to rein in my bitterness; i responded like a petulant child, couldn't find my own off button and ended up feeling really stupid

the first round of vaccinations: thank you, anti-vaxxers, for scaring mothers everywhere! it's difficult enough to make rational decisions as a new parent without nagging doubts generated by wilful ignorance.

shopping, dinner and the rest of mad max: fury road. verdict: as magnificent as everyone made out.

wednesday 7th:

a really, really long night dealing with mr smear's discomfort and slight fever, starting the day with a sadly-needed pep talk from gd.

walking out to find gd's tax refund in the mail - it appears that filing four years late significantly reduces the amount. who knew?

my manager accepting my apology and being warm in return, a long and challenging day that ended with a reward in the form of nifty's elation when seeing everything we've been working towards come together coherently (my own elation following suit).

supermarket 1, supermarket 2, feeding, chilling, changing, kitchen duties, garbage day duties, eating leftovers, showering, making dinner for gd, climbing into bed just before midnight and feeling like superdad again

thursday 8th:

exhausted and restless is not a good combination

a really tough day with lots of things going wrong, a good lunch at pushap

passing out after eating fries for dinner

friday 9th:

waking up at 3am feeling like i'd slept some, watching the flash pilot and then getting some of the greatest sleep i've had in a very, very long time with a minor interruption to change a diaper and mr smear letting us sleep in until after 9!

the first ski jacket weather of the season

a long half day spent grinding away at phpredis after learning that a) their pipelining implementation is broken and b) i don't know the right way to handle keeping open connections**

mr smear bobblehead letting me get as far as my name and address

early night

yesterday:

a long midnight, very weird and disturbing dreams, waking up with a headache, beginning season 3 of  hunter x hunter, figuring out the cryptic clue that i left on my digital signature a year and a half ago, mom chat and baby squats and bathing and laser prep; my nerve pinching badly after days of relief
wrong technician awkwardness but the strategy seeming sound, a forgotten intensity on my jawline
copper branch "i'm allergic to gluten-free" turning into a coaching session, delicious takeaway, a relaxed afternoon ending in an early bedtime with no dinner

today:

1am up to prepare formula, then realizing that mr smear wasn't awake; his 3.30am smiles; gd's 4.15am discovery that the laser technician had fucked up *again*

a lazy day taking care of ourselves, lunch at cafe rose-de-lima with an old friend of gd's, mr smear's first sit-ups and some disturbingly inexplicable crying balanced by our discovery that a particular set of mouth movements that he's been making is his idea of kissing us

** solving the mystifying phpredis puzzle in the shower

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