Sunday, August 02, 2015

t-5 days and defiitely counting

the past few weeks have been exhausting, emotionally and physically, but this here's our last weekend before our son is exposed to the elements and we've still got much to do, albeit more in the form of paperwork than physical tasks. gd's really struggling, each day seems harder than the last, and she's really to get on with it. me? i'm getting spacey just thinking about all this and i haven't even held him yet.

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*last* thursday:

aside from a nice break accompanying gd to the doctor, it was a long day spent despondently trying to optimize code that i couldn't help but characterize (vocally) as: someone took a dump in the code, and everyone who's touched it since threw up around it on contact. after wasting hours trying to determine whether my obnoxious coworker's improvement was actually making a difference, i invested some effort in building a function timer class to integrate useful metrics. the results were considerably more helpful than experimenting with die() statements, but the results were inconclusive and i later learned that i'd somehow managed to undo his fixes along the way with some poor git-fu :$

...

i'm sure gd isn't the first pregnant woman to pass gas in the doctor's room, but i'm not so sure that the result is usually as amusing; the three of us were giggling hysterically about her reactions for the rest of the session.

obnoxious coworker (i'll just call him nox) aggression followed by unappreciated amusement over database naming

walking out into a gorgeous sunset and stopping by the bell store to pick up "complementary headphones" for my "loyalty". i've paid for those headphones many times over, and i'm still stuck with these bastards for another thirteen months...

once i get started making salad it's all good, but working up the energy in the first place is always an issue.

bad ink is a great series!

*last* friday:

understanding why people lose their minds when trying to deal with organizations like hydro quebec, half an hour of torture *after* gd became frustrated and i felt responsible for asking her to call in the first place.

some people are trouble on the metro, that morning it was an old man with two open, over-sized bags that tipped over as he entered the car and spilled their contents everywhere.

a morning finishing my function timer (it met with managerial approval), learning all about xdebug and being mystified by the fact that no php developer i've met ever uses it

being stood up by nifty and taking my surprisingly vegan sandwich (the sign said "feta", i was expecting to have to scrape it off) to play space fluxx instead

a disturbingly rude hydro quebec "service" provider putting me on hold for forty minutes, during which time i rewrote mysql scripts to their muzak - scripts to deal with the fact that mysqldump performs unexpectedly when tables have been renamed and replaced. it removed the new tables overwrote the original (renamed) ones instead (O_o)

getting involved with an annoying bug i'd found, which was interesting to fix but had me stuck in the office until late because each time i deployed i discovered yet another reason why the junior who'd written the code hadn't been able to debug it properly...

...

perfume in the fan: gd meant well, but the results were horrifying :(

*last* saturday:

waking up slowly after a good night's rest
aggravated spray paint not taking and making a mess and us almost throwing out the piece (though it eventually turned out well)
missionaries gd knows dropping off a cute but unhelpful gift (a children's book introducing them to religion)

painting, random bureaucracy, chatting with scrapper and my mom
a scary look at spice and the union: the business of getting high

thought for the day: the mullet metaphor for the conscious versus the subconscious. "business in the front, party in the back."

sunday:

difficult dreams, then trying to get back to sleep but i couldn't focus on anything other than gd's previous boss who took forever to get a document ready that she needs for maternity leave, told her to pick it up and then "helpfully" mailed it just before she arrived. did he really? and if he was trying to be helpful, couldn't he just have called and asked what she preferred?

unhappy haircut, french lessons, paper sorting and taxes, heavy shopping

gawking at the big man entering the store picking his nose shamelessly violently

an evening spent coding, wondering at how simple some people can get away with being, finishing the weekend with dr who

monday:

a night full of discomfort and nightmares
slight project progress in the morning followed by running around looking for emergency cream cheese and leaving late for work

an unfocused day, some good work with some uncomfortable evaluations, lunch break at babies r us to buy a car seat and feel like we're pretty much ready

israeli social insurance fail: i have to find a way to stop paying without jeopardizing my passport, and i have to find it soon.

...

snacking, an episode of arrow, and mind blown watching the tig documentary. powerful, painful and inspirational.

suddenly realizing that i'd eaten my delicious dinner for three all by myself...

tuesday:

waking up from incredible dreams that faded away into oblivion as soon as i opened my eyes

...

the other day i complained about the fact that you can only call the israeli consulate between 2 and 4pm and whoever was there repeatedly picked up the receiver and put it down again. i then sent an email requesting information to which they didn't respond. tuesday morning, while i was being helped by the teller, an older woman walked up to the counter and slammed printouts of my complaint and my email down on the counter.

"is that you?" she asked.
"yes," i replied.

i'm not saying that i expected anything different, but instead of dealing with the problem she tried to bully and shame me. i stood my ground as politely as i could, in spite of the fact that she continued to belittle me for the rest of the hour that i was there.

i will file more complaints, but she's succeeded in making me wait until i'm no longer under their power.

"nobody else complains," she told me. i suspect i know why.

...

a short day entrenched in my work; learning at the end of it that a) i seem to have been given less vacation days than promised on my contract and b) paternal leave is delivered late, so if you're on a tight budget there's no way you can afford to take it

my manager sent me home when he saw how worn out i was. burnout imminent, motivation low and incentives for stress rather high.

super-heated muggy afternoon, picking the wrong lines at babies r us. awkwardly interrupting squirrels mating on my way to the supermarket.

too hot to eat, making good progress on my project

wednesday:

an explosion of frustration at the temperature soaring unbearably when we don't have cash for air conditioning and our apartment is cooking

waking up in the middle of the night to distress and being absolutely helpless to take care of it

really interesting dreams, getting up exhausted with the following thought to run to pick up an air conditioner:
well, i'll be damned: montreal and tel aviv have the same temperature highs today, only here there's more humidity. #outofthefryingpanintothefire

...

"do you have a loyalty card?"
"no."
"would you like to register for one?"
"no, thanks."
<pays>
<sees sign that says "$25 off your first purchase">
"what's this?"
"that's for customers with loyalty cards."
and you couldn't tell me that *before* or when i said "no, thanks"?

it didn't help that she refused to speak to me in english, 'cause that really lit a fire under gd's and then her manager's ass.

...

a chat with my mom planning my way out of this financial downward spiral and being exceedingly grateful that she can help at all

work: trying to focus and being harassed non-stop, walking out for a fun boxing session

pathetic passive aggressive bullshit from nox before and during the meeting wherein my team got ripped a new asshole

feeling better after unloading on my managers, getting a great coding high from coming up with an elegant solution to a tricky problem

thursday:

waking up slowly - though really early - putting together a speech for nox in my head that i probably will never get to say:
i'm not your boss, and i have as much interest in being your boss as i do gouging out my eyes with a spoon. whatever your history with the company may be, your open display of contempt and your passive-aggressive behaviour over the past few days is utterly inappropriate. as your coworker - not your lead, not your boss, not your friend - i expect a minimum of courtesy and professionalism. you've succeeded in making the work environment toxic and hostile, and there's no excuse for that. i'm just trying to do my job and with this team that's difficult enough without your shit.

long discussions about facebook algorithms and the real life disasters they cause distracting me from important chores, leaving late for the doctor and then the taxi driver getting lost due to construction detours

quote for the day: "my sumo belt is too small for me now"

morning reviews, mostly positive but not actually getting my work done
green team to vegan team?
losing hours walking through trivial stuff with nox

twenty minutes with nem talking about his personal projects. i may be unable to stomach him as a coworker but he might make a great client!

leaving late and hurriedly packing up my desk on the eve of another moving day i won't be there for, meeting a buyer for some old phone gear and then having to meet again to refund him for one of the pieces missing a part

falling asleep to seinfeld

yesterday:

waking up late but feeling like it was early. the last dream was of me hurriedly walking through a mall after leaving my flip flops at the entrance, returning to find one and a half flip flops and a dirty, weird slip-on.

...

thoughts for the day:

star wars is so primitive. "the force" is just so, like, symbolic of the patriarchy... real men would use "the compromise".

the poster says "smell me", but i'm not falling for that one again.

...

hospital visit to learn about the c-section procedure and the before and after coaching, hitting the mall and being unable to find a single thing that gd needed, then trying the pharmacy with marginal success

going to the post office to send off a tax return, coming home and rewarding myself with what's eating gilbert grape (holy cow! leo was incredible before he sucked before blood diamond!) and forrest gump.

circumcision and rabbinic law vs the bible

today:

sleeping really late and waking up with the sense that i needed plenty more

nothing brings me to the limit of my patience like shopping at ikea. i never think i'm capable of outright hatred of strangers, but struggling to get through a maze amongst crowds of zombies with no spatial awareness really highlights the worst in people.

being present feeling our son pushing against my hand and in the post-rain walk, then getting rained on as soon as i left with heavy bags

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